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THE 



ASBI LETTERS. 



>EiNG The Original Nasby Letters, as WRITTE^ 
During His Lifetime, 



—BY 



DAVID ROSS LOCKE, 

( * ' PETROLEUM V. NASBY. ' ') 



TOLEDO, OHIO: 

The i'oi-EDo Bt^apk Co. 



INTRODUCTION. 



The great majority of the Nasby letters were never printed save in 
the columns of the Toledo Blade, in wljich they originally apiDeared. 
After the death of Mr. D. R. Locke, we received many requests to kno-.v 
where the letters might be obtained in book form. We referred these t<« 
the publishers of such of the earlier letters as had ever been printed in 
volumes; but the demand has increased lately for a volume which should 
contain not only the earlier letters, but those of later years, up to the final 
one ever written. The following volume has been compiled in response to 
this deraand. 

THE TOLEDO BLADE CO. 




Copyright, 1893, by the Toledo Blarle Co. AJl rights reserved. 



Some Little Account 



OF THE 



Author of Nasby Letters." 



David Ross Looke was bom in Vestal. Broome Co., New York, September 
20, 1833. His father, Nathaniel Reed Locke, was a soldier in the war of 
1812. The son came by his political and other notions honestly, 
as the father was a staunch anti-slavery man as far back as 1830, 
long before there was any organized opposition to the great cnrse. He w:is 
one of the organizers of the Liberty pai'tr, and was among the lirst to join the 
Republican party wh^n it was founded in 1853. The son entered the 
printing office of the Democrat, at Cortiland, New York, in his eleventh year, 
and did what veiy few boys are doing now, learned a trade thoroughly. 

Then followed the regular period of "tramping;" and in his wanderings 
he visited all the cities of the country, either as a journeyman printer, or re- 
porter and writer upon newspiipere. His experiences during this period of 
his life were like that of all others of the craft. He saved no money, indeed 
saving money was not his object. He was finisliing his education. He saw 
men and mixed with them, and wi(??ned and broadened himself, that he 
might be ft for the work that was to follow. Tr.iveling through the Southern 
States confirmed him in his anti-slavery sentiments, end a trip thi-ough what 
was then the West, determined him up m finally settling in thiat portion of 
the countiy. It must be remembered Ohio in those days was a long way west. 

In 1852 he left the Pittsburg (Pa.) Chronicle, on which he had been em- 
ployed, and went with Mr. James G. R;jbiuson to Plym-outh, Ohio, where the 
tn-o, -vNithoat capital or anything else but capacity for work, started the PI5'- 
mouth Advertiser, a paper which is stiU in existence. This was about as 
desperate an enterprise as two young men could possibly have engaged in, but 
both wanted a stp.rt in life, and were prepared to do any amount of labor and 
take any and all chances. There had been a half dozen attempts to publish a 
paper in the brisk little village, but all had failed, the projectors invariably 
leaving in debt. The young men had $12 in cash between them, but it proved 
enough. They bought a second-hand outfit, they did their own work, they 
edited the paper, set the type, did the press work and eveiything else, and they 
soon got the confidence of the people. After two years of hard work, aver- 
aging at least sixteen hours a day, they sold out, with the magnificent sum 
of $1,000 between them. They had capital, and what was better than capital, 
credit. They made friends, and found no difficulty thereafter when they made a 
c^iange, in bettering their condition. 



6 Author of the Nasby Lstts&s. 

sweeter nor the Afrikin in his normal conttisbun, and is t5iere4 Us sooperior. 

Resolved, That the niggers be dniv out uv Wingert's Corners, and that 
sach property ez they hev accumulatid be eonfiscatid, and the proseeda ap- 
plide to the follerin piu"poses. to wit: 

Payment ur the bills uv the last Dimekmtik Centrel Committee. 

Payment uv the dlsinterestid patriots ez got up this meetin. 

The balence to remane in my hands. 

Resolved, That the Ablishnists who oppose tihese resolushens all want to 
marry a nigger. 

Resolved, That Dr. Petts, in rentin a part uv his bildin to niggers, hez 
struck a bloAv at the veiy foundash<^ns uv sosiety. 

Fellow whites, arowz! The enemy is onto us! Our harths is in danger! 
When we hev a nigger for judge — niggers for teaehers — ^niggers an pulpits — 
when niggers rool and controle sosiety, then will yoo remember this 
warnin ! 

Arouse to wrmst! Rally agin Conway! Rally agin Sweet! Rally agin 
Hegler! Rally agin Hegler's family! Rally agin the porter at the Re6d House! 
Rally agin the cook at the Crook House! Rally agin the nigcrer widder in 
Vance's Acldishun! Rally agin Missis Umstid! Rally agin Missis Umstid's 
childei-n by her first husband! Rally agin IMissis Umstid's childem by her 
sekkund husband! Rally agin all the rest uv Missis Umstid's childern! Rally 
agin the nigger that cum yisterday! Rally agin the saddlf^culured girl that 
yoost 2 be hear! Ameriky for white men. PETROLEUM V. NASBY. • 

These letters sprang at once into an immediate popularity. They were 
read and commented upon from one end of the country to the other. Stump- 
speakers used them, newspaper editors and everybody else who had any- 
things to do with politics, drew inspiration from them, and they became at once 
a part of the political literature of the day. Abraham Lincoln was so fiord 
of reading them that he kept a pamphlet edition of them in his table draw- 
er. George S. Bout well, Secretaiy of the Treasury under Lincoln, said in a 
speech at Cooper Union, New York at the cloise of the war, that the crushing 
of the Rebellion could be credited to three forces, the Army, Navy, and the 
Nasby Lettei^s; and Charles Sumner thought so much of them that he asked 
the privilege of \NTiting an introduction to a compilation of the series in a large 
volume. Mr. Blaine always quoted from them regularly, as did every man 
of note or no note in the Republican party. 

The question is asked of the Blade a thousand times a year as to the 
origin of the Nasby letters. It is a question very difficult to answer. Like 
Topsy, they "wei-e never bomed — ^they grew." They were based upon the 
natural condition of things at the time. There never was an actual living 
model for Nasby nor any of the other characters surrounding him. Nasby was 
the representative of the whisky-drinking, comer-grocery statesmen who have 
always infested the country, and who, doubtless, always will, tiU the mil- 
lenium comes. 

There never was any exaggeration in these portraitures. It is true that 
during the war wagon-loads of women made parts of processions at demo- 
cratic meetings -with banners over them inscribed, "AVhite husbands or none!" 
as though no matter whether the "nigger" was freed or kept in slavery, they 
had no option as to whether they would maiTy white or black men. It is true 
that the stock argument against the war was "nigger" supremacy, as though 
three millions of negroes could possibly have gained supremacy over forly- 
five millions of white^^. The dread of the "nigger" was what maintained the 
Demo'j atic party during the war and five years after, and Mr. Nasby and his 
confreres were simply the besotted Cross-Roads politicians who took advantage 
of the feeling to advance their own iut-erests. 

In Octdber, 18G5, Mr. D. R. Lock3 removed to Toledo, Ohio, and assumed 
charge of the Toledo Blade, and the Nasby Letters thereafter appeared regu- 
lariy in its colunms until the death of their autl or, Febiuary 15, 1888. This 
volume contains selections from the entire eeries, adapted to show the field 
cove«>ed by them in the quarter of a century durinir which they were issued. 



THE 

NASBY lettees. 



PRESIDENT LrN"CQLN JlKD « NASBY." 

The first collecticwi of Nasby letters published was a 64-page pamphlet. 
Issued in 1864, -vrhich bore tihe brief title, "The Nasby Papers. Letters and 
Sermons containing the Views on the Topics of the Day of Petroleum V. Naa- 
by, 'Paster of the Cburch uv the Noo Dispensashun.' " 

It was a copy of tbis little brochure Avbich is referred to in the foflowing 
account of P*resddent Lincsoln's iugb appreciation of the wit and humor of 
Na^y, which is extracted from a letter, printed. in tbe year 1865 iu the New 
York Independent, written by Frank B. Carpenter, the artist, who was an 
inmate of tbe "N^Tiite House for several months, while engaged in painting the 
great historic canvas, "The First Reading of the Emandpution Proclamation." 
jMp. Carpenter enjoyed very intimate personal association with Mr. linooln, as 
the foil Giving extract sihows: 

"The Saturday evening before President Linooln left Waahington, to go to 
tbe front, just previous to tbe capture of Richmond, I was with Mm from 
seven o'clock tall nearly twelve. It had been a very bard day with him. The 
pressure of office-seekers was greater at tbis juncture tban I ever knew it to 
be, and he was almost worn 'out. Among the ca'Uers that evening was a party 
composed of a Senator, a Representative, an ex-Lieutenant Governor of a 
Western state, and seve.ral private citizons. They had business of great im- 
pcrtance, involving tbe neo^sdty of the President's esiiminatioai of voluminous 
documents. Pushiug everything aside h^ said to on© of Che piirty, 'Have you 
seen the Nasby Papers?' 'No, I have n >t.' was the answer. '\\'ho is Xasby?' 
There is a chap out in Ohio,' returned the President, 'who bas been writing 
i series of letters in the newspaper over tbe signature of pf-troleura V. Nasby. 
Some one sent rao a pamphlet collection of them the other day. I am going to 
write to "Petroleum" to come down here, and I intend to tell h'm if he \vill 
communicate bis talent to me, I will swnp places witb him!' Thereupon he 
arose, went to a drawer in bis desk, and taking out the 'letters,' (he sat down 
and read one to the ccwnpany, finding ii their enjoyment of it the temporary 
excitement and relief whicb another miu would have found in a glass of grog! 
The instant he bad ceased, the book was thrown aside, has countenance relapsed 
into its habitual serious expression^ and the bu^ness waa entered upon with 
the utmost eamestness." 

The following, pertaining to tbe same subject, is from tbe introduction, 
wTitten by Hon. Charles Sumner, the great Senates' fron^ Massadhusetta, to a 
volume of Nasby lettefrs published in tbe year 1872: 

"Beyond tbe interest in these letters as another instance of a peculiar liter- 
ature,— illustrated by Major Jack Downing, Sam Slick, and the genius of Hosea 
Bigelow,— they have an historic character from the part thp^' performed in tbe 
war with slavery, and in advancing reconstruction. Appearing with a ceitajn 
regularity and enjoying an extenave circidation, they became a constant and 
welcome ally. Unquestionably they were among the influences and agencies by 
wliich disloyMlty in all its-forms was exposed, and pubUc opinion assured on 
aie rigbt aide. It Is impossible to measure their value. Against the device* of 



8 The Nasby Letters. 

slavery and its supporters, each letter was like a speec-h, or on© o(f thosr* soug^ 
wliiah stir the people. Therefore they belong to the political history of this crit- 
oal period. 

'*0f piibli cations during the war, none had suoh oliarm for Abraham Lin- 
coln. He read every letter as it appeared, and kept them al within reach for 
refreshment. This strong liking illustratie« lii;S dharaoter, and will always 
awaken an interest in the letters. An iuoident in my own relations with him 
shows how easily he turned from care to hum.or. 

"I had occasion to see President Lincoln very late in the livening of March 
17th, 18G5. The interview was in the famdliar room known as his ofiice, and 
also used for cabinet meetings. I d.d not take laive of him until some tdnie 
after midnight, and then the business was not finished. As I rose, he said, 
'Gome to me when I open shop in the morning; I wHl have the order written^ 
and you shall see it.' 'When do you open sibop?' said I. 'At nine o'clock,' he 
replied. At the hour named I was in the same room that I had so recently 
left. Very soon the President entered, stepping quickly with the promised 
order in hia hands, which he at once read to me. Jit was to disappmve and 
annul the judgment and sentence of a court martial in a case that had excited 
mnoh feeling. While I was making an abstract of the order for communica- 
tion hy telegraph to the anxious partie:^, he broke into quotation from Nasby. 
Finding me less at home than himself T\"itih his favorite humorist, Ihe isaid 
pleasantly, 'I muS't initiate you,' and then repeated with enthusiasm the mes- 
sage he had sent ho the author: 'For the genius to write thesie things I would 
gladly give up my office.' 

"Rising ftx>m his seat, he opened a desk belhind, and, taking from it a pamph- 
let collection of the letters already pulilis'hed, pro<"eeded to read from it with 
infinite zest, wMle his melancholy features grew bright. It wa^s a delight to see 
him sairrender so completely to the fa sci nation. Finding that I listened, he reed 
for more than tweuty minutes, and was still proceeding whe-n tit occurred to 
me that there must be many at the door waiting to see him on graver matters. 
Taking advantage of a panse, I rose, and, thanking him for the lesson of the 
morning, went away. Somo thirty persons, including senator and representa- 
tives, were fin the ante-chamber asi I| pa ^sed out. 

"Though with the President much diring the intervening time before Ma 
death, this Avas the last busine^^s I tran-^acted with him. A few days later h« 
left Wasihington for City Point, on th<> .James River, where he was at the sur- 
render of Richmond. April Gth I joined him there. April 9th the party re- 
turned to Washington. On tihe evening of April 14th the hullet Off an assassin 
took his life. 

"In this simple story Abraham liiacoln introduces Nasby. 

"CHARLES SUMNER." 

'^Washington, Api"il 1st, 1872." 

The copy of this pamphlet referred to by both IMr. Carpenter and Mr. 
Sumner is now in the possession of the Locke family. It was given by Cd. 
John Hay, who was on© of Lincoln's private secretaries, to Mr. D. K. Locke, 
after the death of the martyred Emancipator, and prized by him as a priceless 
tr«^sure. It bears unique evidence of frequent i-^ading by Mr. Lincoln. It was 
evidently kept lying open <m his desk, and several times, when he had written 
something, the open page of the pamphlet was used as a blotting-pad. A photo- 
graphic reproduction of 3ts 46tih page is given, showing its use as la blotter. That 
page is a portion of the Nasby letter entitled, "Has An Interview With the 
President," dated "Nov. 1, '63." It pui-ports to nan-ate a convei-sation between 
Mr. Lincoln himself and Nasby; and one can imagine thie President laughing 
over the absurd 'follerin trifling changes" in the "polisy" of tihe "goriller." 

The dedication of tlie little pamphlet its so unique that it is herewith re- 
produced: 

dedikashb:n. 

To that SterHn Patryot and unkorruptible chrischen gentleman, Femandy- 
wiood, uv New York; 

To that hi-toned man. and wool-dyed Dimokrat, Franklin Peerse, ur Noo 
Hamawbirfe; 



The Kasby Letters. g 

To that long-suSTria but pasljent Di noknit, Jo«ae D. Brite, uv In.it'jmy, 
whoise highest recommendabbun is that lie wiiz et'ksx)elled from a Alilisha 
Seait, but who \s-ood hev resiued bed thcM* ever biu a presedent fer a Diint^krat 
resiuia; and 

To the grate VallandygiDn, hv Ohio, who went to the stake with a kamnes* 
anptarrallelled fer prinsipple, 

Those book is respectfully dedikated, by 

THE ORTHER. 
Parsonage, Ghureb uv the Noo Dispen^ashun. 
Wiugert's Cotii^i^, O., Aug. 1, 18G4, 

Fernando Wood was a leading DemooTutic politidan of New York city. 
In 1861, when tbe secession of the Southern states wiis foremost in public atten- 
tion, he recommended that New ^'ork a,3fe<3e and become a free city. He was 
on-e -of the few Democrajtic Representatives in Gooigross, serving from Decem- 
ber 7, 1S(>3, to ■March 3, 18G5, and noted for his Copperhead views. 

Ex-Presidf^nt Franklin Pierce lived in retirement at Concord, N. H., through 
the war, but there was much feeling against him during these exciting times be- 
cause his course as President ha'd been one of subservience to the arrogant slave- 
ocracy of the South, and he had signed tlie Kansas-Nebraska bill, which or- 
ganized those ten-itories and opened them to slavery. Pierce's view was that 
slavery was imbedded in and guaranteed by the constitution of the United 
States, and that therefore it was the duty of the national government to pro- 
tect it. 

Jesse D. Bright, of Indiana, served in tfh© United States Senate from 1845 
to 1862. He was a Democrat who, in the slavery struggle preeading the war, 
voted persistently witii the Southern pro- slavery Democrats on all qupstions in- 
volving slavery, and when the war came on, sympathized with the South. He 
wias a "Copperhead'-' of the deepest dye. Charges of disloyalty were preferred 
against him, and he was expelled from the United States Senate, February 
5, 1862, by a vote of 32 to 14. 

Clement L. Vallandigham, odf Dayton, Qlhio, was a politician belonging to 
the extreme state rights wing of the Dgirocratiic party. He was a Representa- 
tive in Congress from 1858 until March 3, 1863, and was conspicuous after the 
war began for his bold utterances again ?t the efforts of the government to sup- 
press the rebellion. After his time in Coiigress expired, he made numerous Cop- 
perhead speeches, attacldng the administration with great bitterness. General 
Bumside, then commander of the Department of the Ohio, regarded these utter- 
ances as affording add and comfort fo the rebels, and issued an order declaring 
taiat any persons within his depart jnent who committed certam specified acts 
for tihe benefit of tbe enemy should be tried as sp-ies and tnaitors. Yallandlgham 
replied to this order on May 1 in a d.fi mt speech, and Buraside ordered his 
arrest. He was tried by court-martial, convicted of treasonable utterances, and 
sentenced to close confinement during the war. President Lrinooln changed the 
sentence to banishment across the lines. H« was sent south into the Confederate 
lilies, but being received coldly by the rebel leaders, he went fro Bermuda, and 
thence to Canada. AMiile there he was nominated for governor by the Ohio 
Democrats, but was defe^ited, Brough, the Republican candidate, having over 
100,00<> majority. He returned to Ohio after this, the national goveniment 
ignoring him, and was a delegate to tha Democratic .national convention at 
Cbicago in 1864, wliich nominated General McClellan for President on a plat- 
form which declared the war a failure. The pertinence of the above dedication 
can be seen fi-om these facts concerning tbe five men. 

The pamphlet begins with the second Na^by. letter, given in the introduction 
to this volume, pages 3 and 4, and embolies those published up to some time 
m February, 1864. The following are the more notable lettei-s contained in it: 



10 Thk Kasbt Lbttbss. 

ORGANIZES A DEMOCRATIC CHURCH. 

(The New York Argiis and New York Day Book were Democratic news- 
papers, and very outspoken in their sympathy with the Southern cause. The 
term "Butternut" was applied, as a tenn of derision, by all sympathizers with 
the. Union, to those Democrats who were opposed to the vrax. Thia was in allu- 
sion to the ooJor of the home-maxie and hotme-dyed uniforms of the Confeder- 
ate troops in the "\^^est, w^hich was that of the butternut — somewhat lightei 
than walnut. The Democrats adopted the term, and many wore pins or badges 
made by sawing a thm ^ce crosswise from a butternut, an4 then polishing 
both sides.) 

"Wingert's Comers, Joon 6, 1863. 

Nuthin hex dun so much agin the DImocrisy ez dhurdhes, skool-houses, 
Sundy-skools, preachei"^ and sich. Here, our people hev arwoken to the danger- 
ous tendencies uv sich instooshns, and he-v set about \'iggerous}y to suppress 'em. 
Ez this work is what my hart delites in, I organized the pious portion uv the 
Dimoorisy, that we mate do our work -well and thorough. When my jigantic 
inte<llek hez a chanse, the work is shoor to be well done, and I hev the satis- 
faction uv ajmounsrn the complete destruction uv 'two churches, the drivin off 
5 preachers, and the frlghtnin uv many wimin. 

But my mi>»9ion is not alone to tear do"\vn — I bild up. The ijee segestid it- 
self to my fertile mind that a strlkly Dimeliratic Church and Sundy Skool wood 
liOt only help the cause, but afford m3 an easy livin. It wuz dun. and I am 
reglarly installed ez the pa?ter uv the First Dimekratic Church ur Ohio. 

The folleiin is the order uv exercises: 

1. People assemble at the second toc^tin uv the horn. 

2. Readin uv one uv the follerin passages uv Skripter: — ^9th cfcapter uv 
Jennysas, wich rebates the cussin uv Canaan, provin that niggers is Skriptoor- 
ally slaves, and the chapters about Hayger and Oneeimus, widh proves the 
Fiiiiitive Slave Law to be skriptooral. (The rest uv the Bible we corksider 
figgerative, and pay no attenshun to, watever.) 

3. Singin — "O we'll hang Abe Linkin on a sour apple tree," or some other 
improvin ode, hevin a good moral. 

4. Raadin extrax from the Noo York Argus. 

5. Slnsrin — "O John Brown's body hangs a danglin in the air.'* 

6. Re-adin from the Day Book. 

7. Lecture on whatever phase uv the nigger question may seem approprit. 
We hev also organised a Sundy Skool on a pure basis. I spent much time 

in gittin up a katekizm, uv wich the follerdn is a sample: 

Q. Wat is the cheef end uv man? 

A. To whale niggers and vote the Dimekratic tikkit forever. 

Q. Wat do the Skripters tearh? 

A. Tnat a angel sent Haygei- back to her mistress, that Paul sent Onesi- 
mus back, and "Servance obey yoor masters." 

Q, "VMio wuz One«imus and Hayger? 

A. Onesimus wuz a. mulatter, and Hayger a octoroon. 

Q. Wat is sin? 

A. Skiutdhin a ticket. 

Q. ^Tio compose the Dimocratic trinity? 

A. Vallandygum. Brite and Fcmaudy-vvood. 

Q. Wat is the first duty uv man? 

A. To beware uv Ablislin lies, to rally to the poles, to vote early, and to 
bring da the agid, the infirm and the idr»otik. 



Th2 NaSBY IrJITTXBS, 11 

To stiracMjlate the infant mind 1 bev bMstit ootid a system ur reward* e% 

follows : 

For committin 2 verses uv Yallandy pirn's address, 1 beer di&ck, good at the 
Corners; 5 verses, 2 checks; 12 verses. 4 checks, and to the child hedn the 
most verses, a oopper-mounted butternut pin. 

We had a festival yesterday. Tha tables wuz bounteously spred with 
bolony, liver-worst and crackers, wile a barl uv native whisky funiisht the 
fl-ooids'nessarj-. It wuz a techin site to see the mofthers with maternal solissi- 
tood, a mixin Nacher's Great Restorer with water and sorgiim sirup, to adapt it 
to the infantile stumick. Fer my part I alluz take mine strait. 

I bleeve good will be accomplisht. Last week in makin a pastorel visit jest 
about noon to the house uv wim uv mv flock, who hez fine poultry, I wuz 
amoosed at hearin a meer infant only three years uv old, swingin his little hat, 
andciyifc^ "Hooa*awfier Jeff Davip." It wuz tetchin. Pattin the Lttle patriot on 
the head, I instantly borrowed five cents uv his father to present to him. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY. 

GOES OK WITH HIS CHURCH. 

Church uv St. Valandygnm, June 10, '63. 

We bed a blessid and improviu time yistei-day. My littie flock staggered in 
at the usual hour in the momin, every man in a heavenly frame uv mind, 
hevin bin ingaged all nite in a work uv mercy, to wit: 2 mobbin uv 2 enrollin 
oflicers. One uv em resisted and they smote him hip and thigh, even ez 
Bohash smote Jahee^l. (Skriptooral, wioh is nessary, bein in the ministry.) He 
fc-uz left fer dead. 

We opened servis by singin a hym, wioh I writ, (x>mmencin es follows: 

*'Sh>l niggers black, this land poesesa, 

And mix with us up here? 
Oh no, my trends, we rayther guess, 

Well never stand that 'ere. 

I then held forth from this text:— "V>Tiar hev ye laid him?" I statid that 
the person I referred to wuz the marterd Yallandygum, and I, in behaff uv a 
outraged IMmocrisy, demanded uv the tyrant Linkin, '^Miar hev yoo laid him?" 
A uuconvertid individo-ml sed, "He's leid him out!" wioh remark cost him 
a broken head. I went on to show why our saint bed bin martered. It wuz 
becoz he wuz a Damocrat— becoz he dared to exerdse the rites garanteed to 
even' American, exceptin Ablishnists and niggers, uv aboosin the Guverment.- 
this and nut! in else wuz he eggisled. '*:\ry f rends," sez I, drawin myself up 
to my full bite, and lookin ez much like Fernandy Wood ez possible, "I am 
willan to be marterd. I denounce this war as unholy, unoonstooshnel, un- 
righteous and mmittygated. It is nutbin less than iuvashen uv Dimocratlk 
states, fer the sole purpus uv freein nigirers. linkin is a tyrant, Bumside a 
tool, order 38 a relik uv barberism, and I will resist the enrollment, the con- 
skripshen and the tax. Hooray fer Jeff Davis'.!" 

Our class-meetin wuz more interestiuer than ever. One (M, white headed 
brother sed that at times his way was dark, and his pathway gloomy. Wunst 
he wuz very near beeomin a infiddle. He reely believed at one time that the 
oigger was humjan, and T\-imst he voted fer a Republican road Supervisor. 
But he bed repented, and was, he trust -d, forgiven. His mind wuz now easy, 
and he should vote the whole Dimor-ralic tickit. 

Two backsliders who scratched their tickitvs last fall, eonfoi^t their sin pub- 
licly. I exhorted em two hours, fined em a gallon uv whisky apeece, and took 



12 The Nasbt Letterj*. 

em into full communion. The whisky will be devotid to the missionary aervice, 
wieh is me. 

This is a deliteful feold uv labor. At tihe Corners they give me sech 
floodds ez 1 need, at all the doggeries bat one, and at fchait one they trust mi-. 
■wicih anuomts to the same thing. I hev borrid ut my flock over 60 dollars al- 
i-eady. It is a rich feeld, and wun which will endoor niudh workin. My nose 
ks deeimin in color eveiy hour. PETROLEUM V, NASBY 

Paster uv sed Church, in charge. 

OBSERVES A DAY OF FASTING. 

Church uv St. Valandlgum, July 20, *63. 
Yest-^rdy wuz set apart by my congi^gtashen, oz a day uv fast in and humili- 
ashen fer our misfarchTines at Gettizberg, and the loss uv Port Hudsen and 
Vixbui-g. I ishood the foUerin direxshens fer the prope*- observance uv the 
fost, to-wit: 

1. Nip before breckfust not 2 eckseed twx) jills. 

2. Fer breckfust no animil food pennitted, ceptin ham and eggs, beef, etc. 

3. Fer dinner, ditto, supper same ez on uther daze. 

4. Beer 2 be taken by the sdngle. glass, and pretzels 2 be ©ten wi^thout aalt 
on em. 

5. These rules to be void in the case uv peepil ovesr 35 and invalids, who 
may hev ther sustainin flooids ez usual. 

I preecht frum this text, "O mi sole why art thorw cast down." I told em 
we wuz oast down beooz uv Meed's whippin Lee, beeoz uv Grant's takin Vix- 
burg, and Banks' takin Port Hudson. That's what's the matter with us. 
That's what hez cast a shadder over owr countnansis, and changd the hew uv 
our nozis frcm the brllyunt cTimsun to the gastly bloo! The flattiin hopes ur a 
successful invashen uv the North is da sht— likewise the releef uv ^'ixburg, and 
now to fill our cup uv soii-er, Jon Morgin's command is destroyd. But still, 
my freods, ther is a silver linin 2 evry clowd wioh is poetry. Ther is wun ray 
uv hope amid ail this giloom. I allood to the lait oon&tooshnel demonstrashens 
in Noo York. Thai- wuz a victory! The di-aft books wuz de- 
stroyed - and the draft wuz stopped. But ther wuz a bigger triumph 
than stoppin the draft. Niggers wuz kllld- the prowd Anglo-Saxn riz in his 
mite and stoned the niggers! Halleloojy! At this pint sum av the awjence 
becum sleepy, and to arowse them I becum faseshus. Why, sez I, wuz the 
Dimocrisy who manld the niggers in Noo York, a m.ost ennerjetic and perseverin 
people? Beeoz, anserd I, they left no stone unturned 2 effect their purpus. The 
ijeo uv interck>osin conundrums in2 the pullpit is orijenel with me. I closed 
by exhortin uv em too stand firm. Ef we kin elect Vallandigum we may yet 
check the Fediv^i Guvment in its victor us oarere. With Ohio all viie fer con- 
stooshnal rites, the game uv subjoogash^n wood be playd out. Let us, sed I, 
never falter nor faint, but press onnard 2 -to the mark uv of** hy callin. Ez 
the Isrelites threw downi the walls uv Gerryko by blowin ram's horns, so kin 
we by blowin our horns throw down the walls uv this Abolishn Gerryko. Blow 
you horns, my breothrin, for whoso bloweth not has own horn the same shall 
not be blown, but whoso bloweth his own horn the same shall be blown with a 
Tuuchness, 

We took a enumerasht-n uv owr church with a vew to the draft, with the 
fdlerin result: 

Hole numibe~ uv male members , 200 

Over 45 50 



The ^'asby Letters. 13 

Under 18 50 

Badly rupaherd, ami utherwise disevnsJ ^2 

Gone to C-anady 2 visit ther uudes 8 

We air esy in our minds ou th.is subjic. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 

Paster uv sed Ohiirch, in charge. 

A CONFESSION OF FAITH. 

(In this letter "Pooh" means a small-fry Democratic politician of Cincin- 
ttAti, named Pugh, whi< iiiade boastful threats that the Ohio Democrats would 
rise, and bring Yallandigham back in triumph from Canada. The Crisis 
vi"ds a Copperhead weekly paper, published in Columbus, Ohio, by Samuel 
^(edary, an old-time Democratic politi ciarL, which had for a time a large cir- 
ojlation. The story that Vice President Hannibal Hamlin was a mulatto was 
d&Toutly believed by the ignorant classes of the South and the corresponding 
cl'ass oif Deraocrats in the North.) 

Church uv St. VaUandigum, Orgust 31, '63. 

We hed the glorusist kind ut a seesuu yisterdy. The winders wuz opend 
iad a shouT ur pure Dimecratic graca desendid upon us and we wus blest. 
i{'lory! We reseered into our Zion 18 young men who reseevd the faith l)y 
lidieritance. ther fathei-s heviu alluz voted the strait ticket. The follerin is the 
Cionfeshun uv Faith too widh they subscribed: 

Queshun — Dost est tihow bleeve that Cianaan wuz doomd to bondig becoz uv 
ifoer's gittin tirte; that Hayger and Onez'.muis pi-ove the skriptoorality of the 
liigytir slaiv law; that taken ez a hull they show that the ketchin uv niggers 
rith dorg'S is oomimendible and evangelikle? 

Dostest thow bleeve that the present war is uneonstooshnel and unholy; that 
t wuz brot on by the Abodishulsts interfei-in with slaivry; that the bombard- 
nent uv Sumter wuz rite, tho hasty? 

Dostest thow bleeve that Linkin is a tyrent and usui'per; that he hed no rite 
v>o subjoog^dt the Sowth; that his callin out troops wuz uneonstooshnel; and 
:hat everything he hez dun, since the war begun, is like^"Iisie uneonstooshnel? 

Dostest thou bleeve that Vallandigu-n wuz sent in2 the world to save the 
Oimocratic party: that in doin it he wuz arestid at Dayton, tride afore Pon- 
'ous B'lraside, and senrt;90wth; that afte." 3 mi-Tuths he riz agen in Canydy, 
svhenso he shel cum ez soon ez hese elec:id, and Pooh goes after him with 300 
tlhowsan? 

Dostest thow take the Crisis? 

Dostest thow bleeve that the Sentrel committis is the sole dispenser ur 
'>pinyun, .md wiltest thow alluz yawp wen they wink? 

Dostest thow bleeve that skratchin a tickit is the onpardonable sin? 

Dostest thow bleeve that this war wuz got up to free niggers, and that to- 
day, Lankin hez 75,000 niggers in Ohio, a feedin on fride oysters and hot 
punch? 

Dostest thow bleeve that Lee is tha greatest gineral uv the age, and that 
all reports uv Fedral victries is lies? 

Dostest thow bleeve Ben Butler's a beast, and Hamlin a mulatter? 

Wilted thow pledge yurself 2 oncorapi'emisinly oppose yure sisters marry- 
'dig niggers, no matter how much they want to? 

2 all uv these questuns the csindidates anserd, "I dost." Bro, Tuttle ex- 
tendid the rite hand uv feUowsMp — ^Bro. Huff sold eech uv em a copy uv Val- 
landigum's Record, and after making a X to their names, wich I hed pre- 
ruefty ritteei in our church book, ihey wuz made members of my flock. 

The eoz is prosperin. We commcmse a series uv revival meetins next week. 



14 Thi Nasbt Lbttera. 

and lieT made ertensir prepparashns therefor. 10 bario uv oondenst Dimocrisy, 
20 harls ut beer, and 300 yards uy bolony hez bin pervided. Ther will be a 
outporm. PETEOLBUM V. NASBY, 

Paster ut sed Ghurdi, in charge. 

WAILETH. 

Church ur St. Valandygum, October 14, *63. 

Fm sad — and -waxed. My heel is a f onntin uv teers, and mine eyes distU 
dilootdd corn-joose. My liart is lead, and my sole is pot-bellied with greef. My 
lims ake with woe, vay nianl^'' form is bawd, and my venrable lox is tumd white. 
O, Valaudigam, thow hast gon to the grave, and in the samie toom iis berrid all 
my hope«. Adoo, vane world, adoo! I'll be a nunnery. 

Tlie fait uv the peeple uv Ohio is seeld. Valandigum, 

"Our chosiu stauderd-barer," 

Is not only a exile far away, but ther is a cheerful proispek, widh is daily im- 
provin, uv his eontinnerin in the exile blxnis fer an indeffynit peryod uv time. 
A tyrannilvle Presydent hez taken our old habis oorpusseis from us, and per- 
sistently refuses to furnish us new^ wuus— ^and the peeple hevin acqwiest by 
their votes, we lav bound hand and foo t ]Mien fleein flromi ooaiskriipshetn and siJcJh, 
kin be seezd and dragd in2 slavery — cavelry drest in odjus Moo hez license to 
hunt the pantin fugitive, who, after drawin Ms bounty and pay, changis his 
mind and desires to return to the buz?m uv his family, and the shootin uv 
enrollin orfisers and tax assessors will niw be considerd a crime, Alas! 

The news affectid me variously. I h-d our township all fixt, hevin distribbi4:id 
tikkits, and knowin nun uv em pood skratch em, ez they don't rite enny. I 
reseevd the returns with a gratifide smile. "Ble>3S yoo, my children, you hev 
dun nobly," sez T. Presently a currier amved, bringin the disturbin intelly- 
gens that the Northree countis giv Bruff 30 thowsen, and 2 minnits thereafter 
another arrivd statin that the Suthrin countis had got loonatik and given 
Bruff 35 thowsend. With a harterendda and sole tarin shreek, I fell a inanny- 
mait ooii)s on the flore. ♦ ♦ * * i awoke. A oder uv suthin na- 
trel filled the room, gi^dn me life agin. It wuz whisky. The worthy woman 
to whose hou£e I horde, hed bin rubbiii the 'Soles uv my feet with a* jug, and 
givin me small dosis uv the Restorer thro a funne^l. Her exershens restord me 
to life agen. I proisuime the fact uv my owin six months board did not nerve her 
frajile arm. It wuz revreas. 

Despondent and weery uv life, I attempted sooiside. I mixt my licker fer 
a day; I red a entire number uv the Or "sis; I peroozed "Cotton is King," "Pul- 
pit Pollytiks," and "Valandigum's Beoord," but all in vane. Ez a last desprit 
resorce, I attemptad to pizon myself by drinkin water, but that faled me. My 
stumick rejected it— J puked. 

I am 2 much prosteraitd to offer either advice or consolashen to my Dime- 
cratic frends. We air in a stait uv abgect ous^situde. To see Waid and Chaise. 
i'.nd Oei'. Luvgoy, and that 3 ply Abolish nlst Horis Greely, feelin good, is pniisic 
asid and stiickO to us. I shell seek rel eef from my sorrers in the floin bole. 

PBf BOLEUM V. NASBY. 

The above closes the selections from the pamphlet, which embrace all the 
letters of permanent value contained therein. The foillowing letters, as far as 
"Nasby as a Banker," comprise a sele<;iion of those most characteristic up to 
the period of the greenback delusion. 



The Nasby Letters. 15 

AN INTERVIEW WITH THE PRESIDENT. 

GhuTdh uv St.- , Nov. 1, '63, 

I felt it) my dooty to visit Washington. The misamble condishon the 
Dimiocri'sy finds themselv^ into sinse the elecshuu, makes it nessaiy that suthin 
be did, and theix^fore I determiiid to see "Wiat cood. be effectid by a persnel in- 
tervew M'ith the Presdent. 

Interdo'osin myse-lf, I opened upon him delikitly, thus: 

"Linkin," sez I, "ez a Dimocrat, a free-ibom Dimoarat, who is prepared to 
die with neetais and dispatch, and on short notis, for the inalienable rite uv free 
speech — knoin also that you er a goriiler, a feendish ape, a tlhirster after bind, 
I speek." 

"Speek on," sez he. 

"I am a Ohio Dimocrat," sez I, "who hez repoodiatid Valandigum." 

"Before or sinse the elecshun, did yoo repoodiate him?" sez he. 

"Sinse," retortid I. 

"I thot so," sed he. "I WKxuld hev dun it too, hed I bin you," continued 
he with a goriller-like grin. 

"We air now in favor uv a wiggerous prosecushen uv the war, and we want 
you to so alter yoor polisy that we kin act with yoo, corjelly," sez I. 

"Say on," sez he. 

"I will. We don't want yoo to change yooir potlisy, materially. We ^ir 
modrit. Anxshus to support yoo we ask yoo to adopt the follerin triflin changis; 

Restoar to us our habis corpu^ses, as good ez new. 

Arrest no moar men, Avimmin and children, fer opinyun's saik. 

Repele the ojus coaafisticiishen bill, wich irrytaits the Suthern mind and fires 
the Suthem hart. 

Do away with drafts and oonskripshens. 

Revoak the Emans'iiasheu proclaniasheu, and give bonds that you'll never 
ishoK) a n other. 

Do away with tresury noats and sich, and pay nothin but gold. 

Protect our dawteirs frum nigger eqwality. 

Disarm yoor nigger sojers, and send back the niggers to their owners to 
conciliate them. 

Offer to assoom the war indetednie uv the South, and plej the Govemiment 
to remoonerate our Sutihrin brethrin fer the losses they hev sustaned in this 
onnatral war. 

Gall a convenshen uv Sutihem men and soch gileless Northern men ez P. 
Peerce, J. Bookannun, Femandough Wood and myself, to agree upon the terms 
itV re-uniop^ 

"Is that all," sez tihe goriller. 
"No," sez I proimptly. "Ez a garantee uv good faith to us, we shel insist 
that the best haff uv the orlfises be given to Dimoorats who repoodiate Valan- 
digum. Do this, linkin, and yoo throw lard lie on the trubbled waters. Do 
this any yoo rally to suppont tihowsends uv noble Dimocrats, who went out 
uv offis with BifX)kanon, and hev bina^ettin ther whisky on tick ever sinse. 
We hev maid sakrlfises. We hev repooldiatid Valandigum — ^we care not ef be 
rots in Ganady — ^we ore wiilin to jine the war p-arty, reservin to ourselvs the 
poor privilidg uv dictatin how and on wat prinsipples it shei. be carried ooi. 
Linkin! G-oriller! Ape! I hev dun.** 

The President replide that he wood give the matter serious condderashen. 
He wood menshen the idee uv resiniu to Seward, Chais and Blair, and wood 
addres a serculer to the Postmasters, et s©ttry, and see how menny uv em wood 



V 

TETB WASar PAPSBLS. 

I^Bdfore or sinse ths elecshin, (H^oo&opcodiate him?" sec he, 




'Sinse," retortid I. 

"I thot eoT^'^d ho *'I would hw don it too, hed I bin you," 
contiiyiared he with a gorillor-like grin. , 

"We air now in favor U7 aViggerua prosecnahen uv the war, and 
fre want you to so alter yoorpolisy that we kin sot with yoo, corjelly," 

86Z I. 

"Say on," ec£ he. 

"I will. We don't want yoo to ohaqge yoor policy, materially, 
^e air modrit. Anxshua to support yoo we ask yoo to adopt the fol- 
leriu trifling obangis : \ » X * * ' 

Restoar to us^ our habis- corpusses, as good ea new^ 

Arrest nb-^iroar meu^^^jSmin and oH^(^E?. fer bpinyun's saik. 

Repele th^ ojiis confl^icashen bill, wich irlvtaita the Suthern mind 
and fires the'Sutherftuhart. » 

Do away with draft^s^nd eOn^kTmai^n^.^^ 'f\&.v^' • ' 

* RevoaE the Emansipashen pi^lamasheu^^a give bonds tG^^jj^u'U 
never ishoo a nother. '., 

' Do awayvith tresury noats and aich. and" fay niithin but gold. 

Protect oUr dawters frura nigger eqwality, .^ V 

^ DisarS yoor nigger soljers, a^f^nd bS^^ie^igger^p ther owif- • 
era<4»>c o nofliate then^^. ^ , f| 

*— ^^ffer to assWm the^airindeWdniB uv the 'South, an^^plej the Guv- 
erment to reraoonerate oulkSu^inn brethren fer the loose^they h^ev 



sus^BJQ^ i-'f^bis ^latral ilj^K ^ \a -. 1^ -^ ^^k ^ 

*** ' Call a CQ^^^:b«&"^tv^^:|^^ men an<^ce^ilele8s Northern %iecF 
ez I^. ]heerce>J BoskaXoUD, Fernandough Wood and mvselfi^'^o agree 

**l8 that all," sez the goriller. ^.^ ^ 

^■."Nq^'>ez.:^j)romptly '^ Ez a^gira^e nv g^^^faiti^g^us,^,^!^^. 
J^* shel'insrarthat the besul^ff ^vSj^e orifises be given i| Bi.mocra^*; 
who repoodiate Valandigum ITo this, Linkin, and yoo fSrow lard , 
^r ile OB^he trubble^water^^.. j)o. this^r^d y^o-ralTy to^70or>3uppoT^ 
thowceti'ds uv ndple DimocrSts, who went out uv OiEs \^ith ^^J^n- 
non^iijiev hitt-^itt^^^ther whi|fcr on^ tick^^vm-N^WS^ ^' "" 



We lieT 






Thi Kasbt Lkttum. 17 

ht -willin to peslne to acoommodait IHniocratB. He hied no dout serral wood 
do it to wunst "Is tlher any littei thing I kin do fer yoo?" 

"Xothin pertikler. I wood accept; a small Post arifis, if satooatid within 
ezy range uv a distilry. 'Sly palitkle d;ize is well nigh o^er. Let m© hut see 
the old party wnnst moar in the assendency — ^let these <dd eyes onot moar he- 
hold the Constooshn ez it is, the Union ez it wnz, and the Nigger ware he 
ought 2 he, and I will rap the mantel uv privit life arownd me, and go into 
delirum tremens happy. I hev no ambishen. I am in the sear and yaller 
leef. These whitnin lox, them sunken cheak, warn me that age and whisky 
jhev dun ther perfeck work, and that I shell soon go hents, Liukin, scorn not 
my words. I hev sed. Adoo." 

So sayin I wavd my hand impress] a- e^y and walkd away. 

PETROLEIBI V. NASBY, 
Paster uv sed Church, in charge. 

COMMUNES WITH SPIEITS. 

Church uv the Slawterd Innocents, 
(Lait St. Valandigum), Dec. 19. '63. 

I hev Hn for menny yeres disposed to hleeve in speritoo-alism. Ther is suthin 
plesent in tie idee uV bein in communicashen with them ez her gone before, as 
it may be reznably supozed that frum their stan-pint they kin see things in a 
more clearer lite than we who is encumbered witih day. Akordingly I invited 
a distingi-iit mejum to visit my* flock. ♦•♦••♦•» 

A circle wuz formd, and I wuz requostid to cafli fer the sperit uv sum wan 
Hevin a few Abolishnists present, whom I wisht to enliten on politikle topix, 1 
caild for Tonms Jefferson. "Tomus," sez I, "wuz yoo the father uv Dimo 
crasy?" 

(I use my own langige, ez them <Ai feUers wuz not alluz elegant.) 

"I wuz." 

"Tomus, are the party now barin the name yoor child?" 

"Not any. Its a mJzable bastard, bora uv John C. Cailboon, and that old 
hAg, Stait Rites, and a low-lived whelp it is. My heirs is them ez supports 
the Cuverraent I help to maik." 

"But, Tomu«, wood yoo her us support a Abolishn wnr fer the perpns uv 
freein niggers?" 

The sperit rapt out with awful disnnknds, "We hold these trooths to be 
self-evident: that awl men is creatid ekai. and endoud with certain inak-yen- 
able rites, among which is life, liberty—" 

At (Hhis poimt I stoptt tihe me'um. I knc*w the spirit way 
iK>t Tomus .Jefferson, but a impostor, hevin heerd a Abolishn preecher 
use the same langige at a 4th uv Guly selebrasihen. I then called Androo 
Jaxon, hoo respondld. 
"Androo." sez T, "Avoodent yoo like to be back on yearth. jist now?" 

"Yoo kin bet I wood," retortid he. "I'd lik to hev bin President in the 
plais uv that old, white-livered, black cockade Fedralcst, Bookauuon. Wat :i 
hangin ther wood hev bin! Ther wo,>d hev bin vacausis in Oongris, and 
jest ez menny fimerals ez ther wuz vacansis. As fer Sowth Carliny,"— 

The riommunycashen ceesd, and I heerd a sound like tbe grittin uv teelh. 
It resoomed. "I'd string up Valandgnm, and Fernandy Wood, and Sam Me- 
dary, et settry. It wood be a bad old joke on tlhean indfi^'ijjles ef I hed coo- 
tpole of the ha bis corpus, I'd — " 

I ref oozed to here farther. This s:^ei-dt wu« also ondoubtedly a impoater. 

I cald fer Benton, who merely sed that Mizsory wuz oomin to her seaasia 



^^ The Kasbt Letteks. 

m gittin rid ut sslalvry, and fer Dug'is, wihk> remiar'kit tfiiiaA he doiod saiy sr 
the temple of DQ.fDi'0<3risy ez tihe Sayioi* sed of the shiagog, "My howse is 
called a howse of prayr, but ye hev maid it a deu of thceYes," both of whom 
wuz 0(nquei3tioii.abliy imposters. Auothor spdrit (probably of a deceest abolish- 
nist,) sed that Benedict Ai-nold and Judis Isairiot liadent bin on speekin 
terms fer sum time, Iseariot (hevin called Arnold a oopperhed. Arnold sed 
be*d never sita.ml tJhtiit 

Duglis cum back, and eed he had jest wnn word 2 say. The 
Dimocratic party wuz vran&t grate, but it bed got in2 bad 
hands, and gem crazy as a drunke-n bed-bug. It needid new manajers 
—men uv suffishent sence and honksty to nin the party on odd prinsipplea. 
In the old hands it wuz a pattryotic party-^a party that wuz alluz for the 
country. It whaled the Ba-itish in 1812. and afterwards nod.t the hind sites off 
uv the old Fedral party fer opposin it. It smasht Mexico, and afterwards smasht 
the AVhlg party fer not helpin. Now far the Dimocrisy to oppose a war a^n 
rebels wiho not only oommenst it, but h^d artooally bustid the party itself, is 
IcHonacy unokaled in the history uv tha w^orld. Squelch thom tuppenny pol- 
lytishns who hev heeved the mantels wunst worn by Jaxon and Benton (they 
look in em jest aibout as well as a org In giinder's munky wood in a soljer's 
overkote, and filled em jest as much), g:et onto a war platform, and—** 

I didn't care about persooin my invesligashens enny ferther, pertikerly ez 
the Abolishnists were all a sndckrin. Its my privit opinion that thers nothin 
relyable about it. Iled the sperirs bin reely them uv Jefferson, Jaxon, and 
sieh, they woodent hev talkt so much undilootid nigsrerism. 

However, it did me very well. Th[> mejum took up a colleckshun uv six 
dolens, wich, by a 'singler coincidence, wa^s the eggact amount I hed intendid t» 
charge him fer the use uv my church. He grumbled, but finelly sheld out. I 
am now waiin a new pare uv pants. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Paster uv sed Chiirdh in charge. 

TEIES AN EXPERIMENT. 

Church uv the Slawterd Innocents, 
(Lait St. Yalandigum), Dec. 25, *63. 

Mankind is the moist perverse and oniezonable beins uv the huiunu fnT-nnr. 
Wile they assent 2 a pnncipple, they never will put it into practis ef it 
bares hard onto em ez tndivijjles, to- wit: 

I had bin for sevTal wee^ks dt'xiverin a coari^e uv lekteirs on the divinnity 
uv slaivry. I argood that the inistltooshn m^uz bas^d upon the infeeiiority uv 
vrun man 2 another— that it wuz not on]y a wise but bootiful pervision uv na- 
cher that the strong sliood hev charge uv the. week, a guidin, and protektin and 
a workin uv em. Tlie idee plezed my congregasihen vastly, and fifteen or twen- 
ty uv the strongest perposed that it shood be put in2 practis. jest 2 show the 
world that the grate ,doctrine cood be cnrrled out jest as avcII in the North as 
in tlie South. To wioh I assented to-wnrst, and at the next biznis meetin, the 
follerin plan wiiz adoptid: The mfiuiherg uv the congregashen shoiod try 
ther stren.gth, and them as oood lift 600 shood own and possess, in fee simple, 
all thrnm ez cood en t. 

The trlall wuz hed. the divishen maid, and I wuz happy at bein the iimble 
instrooment uv plantin the grate instif^oosihen on Northrin sile. 

But alas! mvin 2 the perversity uv the human mind, aforesaid, it ffident 
work. Old John Podliammer razed hi^ GOO with the gratest eeze, wile Bill 
Sniffles, who wuz a -workin fer him fep 12 dolers a mniiith. coodenit fetch it. 



PcilhaariiBer -went o/vev to Bill's cabin, tlae next mornin, and ses iie, ''Wiiyum, 
fmm ttiis time lientz4t!h, and fureyer yao air my man. As all a elair has is 
hi3 master's, line 18 dnlers I owe yoo, or that I did owe yoo afore tliis bles- 
sid system wnz estaiMislit, I sliel kepe, and as yoo hev moar funiytoor tlian be- 
fits yoor lowly eoiidisben, I will send a tsoin over to-morrer, arxd taik yer bew- 
row and stand, and bedstids up to my hjus^e, and^" 

At this junetur in cums ]\Irs. Mrs. Sniffles, who kin lift 600 with old 
Podliammer ,on the top uv it, and it w.iz no time afore sihe disldverd wat his 
biznis wmz. She turned red in the fais, Sed she; 

"Yoor sroin to take my fumytoorV" 

"Certingly." 

"And we air yoor slaiysV* 

"Ut coarse," 

"And yoo kin seU my children?** 

"Naterally," 

"And yoo kin maik me yoor conkebine?" 

"Ef 1 wish." 

"Yoo old beest!" shrekt the infoonatid f email ohiattel, forgettin her 
ttormal condishn, "y»o sel my babies, yoo Uiik my fumytoor, drat ye, I'll giv 
re sum.uv it now," whereupon she hurled a chare, wich laid him prostrait on 
the 11 ore, wen she pickt him up and flung him out the dore. 

It did not end here: Podliammer h 'd in his hand a patch-work coverlid, 
wich he thot he wood taik with him, and wen he cum to he walked off with it, 
tvhereupon Mrs. Sniffles hi^ him took up on a charge uv steelin, and he wuz 
ictooaly tride, found gilty, and sent t> jail fer 30 ,daze. How kin we estab- 
d«=h Dimocratic institiwshens, wen the c >rts won't recognize the laws of naeher? 
rhe experiment, for the present, hez the apperejitz of a fajiyer. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Paster uv sed Church, in charge 

ESTABLISHES AFEICA:^" SLAYEEY. 

Church ur the Slawterd Innocents, 
(Lait St, Valandigum), Jan. KJ, '(>4. 

Trouble air a cumin upon me thicker and faster, "Men change, but priucip- 
pdes, never," hez bin a motto uv mino fer yeers, and bkevin in the grate 
principple of the strong owning the week, or in uther words, Slaiviy, I sbcl 
never ceese my efforts to maik it universal, Ther bein a our eesion able prejudis 
In the minds uv the week uv my (-ongrjgashen aginst bein the perpetooai ser- 
\anoe uv them as uacher hez maid to ro'ol, I called a special meetin of my 
flock to consider the onatter. I interdoost the matter thus; 

By Hager I provd tha.t shiivry wa i sci-iptooral. 

By "cussid be Kanan," et settry, I shode concloosively that the nigger wuz 
the indentikle indilvijjle who wuz to bo the s«d silaiv aforesed. 

Then it wuz put to a vote and it w iz unanimusly resolvd that Aferken 
slaivry be interdoo'St amongst tis. I notist with pleasure that the poorer the 
indivijjle, the moar anxJ5hus he seemd t) own a nigger. 

Opinyuns wer then inteTchanged. Aljsolum PCitt, who is a carpenter, and 
vilxo never saved a doler, hevin alluz hed a sick wife and a large family of 
ehildem, sed he f'j'lt that a grate work hed bin dun that nite. The prowd 
Anglo-sasun whom naeher intendid to r ol hed bin that nite edewatid 2 his nor- 
Hitel speer, Hentz4th ther avuz no moar labor fer him. He hed a eontrak to 
bUd at howse for brother Podliammer, and he hed no doubt that the brethria 



-0 Th8 Nasbt Letters. 

^^ ho vmz blest with mene? wood make up a pu«s, and enaJble tim 2 buy a nf g'ger 

carpenter tx) do his work. 

Bix>ther Podhammer aroz. He uv coafso, wood be g<lad to assist brother 
Kitt, but doK>tj 2 his family reqwired a jdiffreat liue uv asikaheii. His idee 
wuz to purchis a nig'ger earpeuter Ll-sself, and— 

"A^a^AT!" exclaimed I^tt. 

Brother. Podbaraimer r+«oiO'nid. He intended to buy a nig'^er carpenter hia- 
self, and bild his house, l^e cheef buty uv the grate system, and the wun 
that maiks it altog-ether lu\iy, Is that yoo kin BUY j&ov labor. 

"But," sed Kitt, "what kin I do if yoo work nig':;er carpenters?" 

"Traofly," sez Podhammer, "I kuo not. A cari)t?nter kin be purchist fer 
$1,000, the intei-est uv wieJi is $G0, and his keapin say $100 more, per annum. 
Now ef brother Kitt 'U cum to theim wagi.s, and be modritly umble, I mite, fer 
bis saik, forego tho exquisit pL-asure uv he^in a nigger to flog, and 
still employ Mm." 

'But," s&z Kitt., turnin pail, "my family woc^d starve on them wagis, Wy, 

1 mite ez well be a nigger myself." 

At this pint I lifted up my voice. I exortwi Bro. Kitt to patience. The 
grate Dimocratic idee that cappytal shnod own labor must be establisht. It 
may bare hard upon, iudivijjles, but wat then? John Rogers w-ent camly to the 
stake fer priucipple. If Bra. Kitt doth not like to accept his normel condishor. 
tJo wunst, he can go to sum less favored country, wher the grate instooshon is 
iMft establisht. 

Bro. Podger, a blackamith, sed he snppozed the lidh uns wood buy a nigger 
blacksmith, and let him emigrait. 

Bro. Snipes, a pla sterer, maid a simler obserw^shen. 

Bro. Pant, a bricklayer, remarkt likewise. 

\Vhereupon, they all, in corns, similerly exclaimed they see us d — d fust 
and then they woodent. 

T\Tieroaprvn they reconsidered tha resolushen establishin slaivry. 

Kitt and his herritix wux ncvt at church last Sundy, and the Postmaster 
told me that t!hey hed seat orf a club fer the Noo York Tiiboon. 

Tro'oly, a reformer's Jordon is a hard rode to travel 1 beleeve. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Paster uv sed Church, in charge. 

PEEACHES ON "THE PRODYGAL SUN." 

Church uv the New Dispensashun, 
JanuaiT 31, 18G4. 
My brethren and sistero: I shall maik sum remarks this mornin based 
upon the bootiful parable of the pi-ody;2.-ajl sun. I wood reed 2 yoo the pas.^ij, 
but the l^i'ole I hev is the only wun in the to-^aiship, and I lent it yivsterday 

2 Sfiuare Gavitt, who sed swarin witnesses on almanacs wo^deut do in hos!» 
ca.ses, and he hasent bmng it back. The skripter sez, in substance; 

There was a certain man who hed 2 suns. The yimgist hed a taist fer 
that branch uv agricultooral persoots known ez sowin wildoiats, soheaskt the old 
man fer bis sheer uv the estait. He g.>t it, turnd it into greenbax, and went 
off. He couimenst Uvin high — boarding at big hotels, and keeping trottii) 
bosses, and playan bilyards, and sich. In about a year he run thro his pile, and 
wuz dcd broak. Then has credit playd out, and he wuz in a tite place for 
bis daily bred. I'he idee struck him thati he hed better put for hum. wich he 
did. The old man saw hdm a cumin, a;;d ho run out and met him, and giv him 
a aew oote, and a order for a pare of shoes, and kild a fat caff, and. hed flour 



TUK Na iT l.ETTias. 21 

doins. The ddost boy obgeeted 2 these, sayin, '*T,o I har servd thoe the^sp" 
meimy yer^s, and thou uev«-r madest ii> siylurge over me, but when this thy 
scai, who hez fooled away his pile, retaraxs, ya i kill calves and sich." Then 
the old man retorts sayin, "My sun who wnz lost is found, the sheep who 
went astray is cum back, lot us be meny." 

My brethren, this parable applize ez well to the present time ez though it 
wuz maid fer it. Uncle Sarayuel is the old ma.n, the suthem wing uv the 
Dimocratic party is the proddygal, and the Abodishnist is the oldest sun. 
The south got tired and went off on its own hock. It haz, I maik no doubt, 
spent the heft uv its substance, and will s'hortly cojnclude to cum home. Now 
the grate question uv the hour is how shel he be reseeved. My friends, the 
Dira^ocratic rool is to foller the scripter wen yoo can maik a pint by so doin. 
In thils pertieliieler ease GrodlLnis is gane, hallslooigy, therefour, let us b> 
Godly. Lr3t Uncle Samyocel see the repentant prodygal afar orf— let him go 
out to seek him, er send Femandy Wood, and when "he hez found him let 
him fall, not upon his neck, but at his feet — ^let him put onto him the perple 
robe wich is royalty and upon his hand a ring, wioh is dominion, wich is a 
improvemant upon scripter. 

But the Abolishnist, wlio is the elder sun, steps up and sez, "Nary. He 
wuz a dodn well, and he wentcd out fiiim us, takin aw^l that wuz his own. 
and sech ez he cood steel, all ur wich he hez spent upon saich harlots as 
Afrikin slavery, Stait rites, and Suthrt-n independence, wich last two men- 
Bhund is whited sepu'lkei-s. I sent my sons Grant, and Rosycrance, and Ben- 
butler after Mm, but lo! wen he; wuz strong and wiggemis he did despitefully 
use them. Now that he is week from h mger, let him brindle. Ef we talk him 
to our buzems, let him cum oai his nees, let him cast off the harlots that hav 
«edoost him. that ther may be no moar trubble in all the land." 

My brethren, we must talk him back ez the old man did in the bible. Why, 
do you ask? Becoz he wuz alluz the old man's pet, and had things his own 
way. We wuz his frends and shared with ham the steelins, but sence he went 
out the Abolishn brother and his frends hev controld things and whare air 
we? Eko ansers no whair! We okepy low plasis in the sinagog, and the 
doggery keepers go mournin about thj streets and refuse to be comforted 
because ther cash is not plenty, and ef we talk back the proddygal shorn of 
his strength, of ^what avail is he to us? He must cum hack as strong as 
ever, he must bring his harlots with hira — he must ROOL! "LTien shel we hev 
the Post Orfises, and then shel we agin live on the fat uv the land, dodgiu the 
cuss uv labor. Brethrin, let us be diligent ta this grate vork, instant in sees- 
on and out of seeson. 

A oollecshun wuz takin up fer the peinpus uv sendinsf a mishunary 2 Massa- 
ohusits, wich yielded 7 dolers. Ez the amount woodeiic pay the ralerode fair, it 
wuz voted to apply it on repairs on the church., wich I did by having my 
boots haff-sold and buyin a4 new hanker cher. 

PETROLEXIM V. NASBY. 
Passter uv sed Church in charge. 

DSEAMS. 

Church uv the Noo Dispensashun, 
February 6, 1864. 
I am BO «peshel bleever in dreems. The gulf atwixt the material and im- 
material worlds is 2 -wide to be spand by the bridj uv sleep, ur if spand at all. 
the way is 2 nairer to make safe even the passij uv a nite-mare. (Poeticle 



22 ' Thi Nasby L«TT£as. 

idee.) Still, the sp€!rit miay, wen loost frum its lode ur day, soore off Ib2 tie 
dim fucter, and retane a pocpsheiii uv its impreslms wen it agen okeples its 
prison-liowse. 

Last Saterdy nite I hed a drome. I hed bin a redin' '^Cottaa is King," and 
sech "worlvs, aidln my understandin "with frequent draf'frs frum a bottel oontainin 
*nacher's last, best gift 2 man," ajiJd I fell in2 a gentel slumber. I dreemd that 
the Confedeirasy ihed bin successful, that 'it <arTid cxut its oi-ijinel idee, and lied 
subjoogatid i!]ie Northern staits. Gefferson Davis wuz roolin at WaisMngton 
under the titfle uv "Gefferson 1, Bmpror ur aill the Amerikys." The Senit and 
Hows uv Repisentativs hed bin dun away with by decrees, and (tihe biznis uv 
fiovemin woiz done solely by the Empror and his ministers. All to wunst I wuz in 
Washinton, a rolein along in a gorjus carige. I wuz sumwat surprizd at my 
persned apperans. I wuz drest in flesih culered tites, with sandels on my feet, 
with dimund budkels onto em, and on my lied wuz a croiwn, makin me resemble 
a play acter I seed wunst a playin Ilicherd. Suddenly the carige stopt, and I 
alitid, and assended the steps uv the Palise. It wuz a resephim, and a cham- 
berliu v.mz aunouncin the gests ez they an'iv. "Earl von Seymior!" "Oounit 
de Sammedary!" "Markuis Femandywc-od!" and ez I stept forerd wat a gush 
uv exstasy thrild thro my vanos ais tha chamberlin (who wuz little Sam^ox,) 
showtid, "DOOK DE NASBY!" O wat a moment! 

My dreems oontinnerd. Methawt tht* nobility wuz maid up uv t3ie offisers 
uv the Confedrit armies, and seeh northern men ez bed bin troo to the Con- 
fedrisy. The Northern staits hed bin di^vided into dookdunas, and erlduraa 
and sech — my territory extending forty miles eeeh way trmn Wingerf s Cor- 
ners, whair my dookal palise wuz sitooated. Niggers wnz dun away with, ez 
all the white excepting the privligd classes wuz serfs, wich effectooaly settled 
the question uv Afrildn s^aivry. Tlie nobility ofwnd the land and tihe inhabi- 
tants wuz all pesantry, payin to the lord uv the soil, 4-fifth8 uv the produi. I 
wuz livin in stale. We 'bed subjoogatid the Abolisihnists, and wnz usin their 
leadin men ez our meenyels. O, it wuz masmificent and gorjus. I arose every 
mornin with Sumner a holdin a bason, and Waid a pourin uv perfoomd water 
over my hands, after wich Gim AsMy dryd em with towels. They wuz my 
servance! Poetikle justise. 

lu short, G^-fferson Davis, ez soon as he Ihed the i>ower, hed deolaird the 
idee uv anen govemin themselves a failyf>f>r, and bed revivd the old food el sys- 
tem. France and England hed assisted bim in establishn hiisself, and hed jest 
got the thing into good mnniu order. One seen in my dreem filled m© full uv 
joy. I thot I wuz in my dukel robes in my ancestrel halls, orerlooikin my 
steTvart, (cditer Baymond. uv Noo York Times,) a reseevin triboot frum the 
happy pesantry, wen I notist among em sum who hed refoossd me credit in 
the days uv the Republic. Ea^e fi'-ld my sole. "Away ^\'itih the hory mis- 
ci^ance," sho'wtad I to my amnd serviters. "away with em 2 to the deepest dun- 
jen neeth the oastel mote! ha! ha!" Just then I awoke. 

It wuz but a' dreem, but it left an impreshen on my mind. "If we succeed 
In smashin Lincoln and his guvcnnent," thawi; I, "a monerkey must ensoo, 
'and, who nose, I may yet be Dook de Nasby!" Filled with new zele I resoomd 
laber on my seflrmon for the morrer, on the unconstoosihnality uv the puttin 
'down reibelyuns with muskets, with renood \'\dgger. 

PETROLEXBI V. NASBY, 
Paster uv eed Church, in charge. 



The Nasby LETTSfts. 23 

ON THE EETUEN OF YALLANDIGHAM. 

Oliurch uv the Noo Dispensashtm, 
June tihe 21st, 1864. 

€roy to the world — Vallandignm is cum! The grate exel, in defiause uv the 
edix uv a usurpin dtspot, hez retamed to Ms naytiv sile! Grlory! My buzm 
erw^Jls with enuosihuii, and I leep for gay. WelkaiD, VaUandigiim! 

Overgoyc^ ez I am,">my sensashens air not all pieeherable. The return nr 
the distingisht champion uv Suthnu rites is sumw^hat embarriissin. The trooth 
is, Vallaiidigum wuz not jest the man we wiantid for a leeder. He hez tung, 
without discreshun, wich qwalitis hez ruind menny buddin genuses. Sech men 
ean allusis succeed in kickin up a dust, but forchunateiy, they alluz git 
smotherad in it. Yallandigum's weeknis is — VaEandignm. Shet him up in 
sekloodid spot, where he hed noboddy 2 blatlher to about hisiself, and he*d 
expire in disgust in a week. 2 resoom. 

His return is unfortunit, becoz — 

"V\'Tiat will we do with him? Under his leedership, we wnz bein redoost 2 
a very small pint, so small indeed that we wuz jest red- 
dy to beri*y. At this crisis Linkun he upts and arrests him. 
Waft a turn that wuz for us! It wuz a dubble-adin leever that lifted us 2 
Ti'ays, to- wit: we got shet uv Vallandi^^um, who wuz a immixt noosance here. 
It oonvertad a noosance into a amrter, wich wuz wait we wantid, and gave 
Qs ground to go on. 

Vailandigum ort 2 hev bin more grateful than 2 hev bustid this arrange- 
ment by cumin back. Hed he stayd, a poor exel on a furrin shear, a strainin uv 
his ize to git even a faint glimpse ur his nativ land, until the campane 
wuz 2-3ds over, and then committed so xs-ide jest afore rfeckshun, in a lit uv 
temprary insanity brot on by gi'eef, and siorrer, and wo, and sich, it wood hev 
bin hunky. His funrel wood hev bin profitable to us, for he is like the jentle 
hog, a hevy expense to his owner wile livin, and nv no earthly profit 2 him 
tin he dies. 

Agin. Ther's no call for takin up coleckshuns enny more, for his benefit, 
and— away goze the cheef inkum not only uv myself, but uv haff uv the Dimo- 
cratik politishui^ uv the Stait. I shel her 2 deny myself uv all luxoorls frum 
this time out. 

Wat kin we do with him? He heznt the nack uv eayin 2 things at wun 
say, and nnthin else will do us. Wen the party was a settin its face mildly 
aginst slaivry, to fool the Free-sDers, he wuz for eraddykatin the the evil. Now 
wen we air pintin mildly Southward, he's dedarin for em openly in his usual 
loonattik stile. 

2 konklood. I love Yallandigum; but ef Lin kin wood arrest him and im- 
mure him in the darkest dunjun in Fort Warin, or hang him, or marter him 
in enny manner, he wood trooly confer a favor on the undersined, and the 
entire I>imekratik party. Then wood we cany his deceest karkis thro the 
North, with suthin to show on our chargis uv tiranny. But with Vailandi- 
gum at liberty and in good health, the fust, last, and only victim uv uncon- 
Btooshnel usurp?, shen air gone, and with it our cappytal. 

PETROLEIBI V. NASBY, 
Paster uv sed Church, in charge. 

INDORSES THE NOMINATION. 

Church uv the Noo Dispensashun, 
September the 1st, 1864. 
Grlory! Mirklellan, the noshun's pride, is nominatid! Bern a orthodox 
Dimekrat, the nominashen soots vtel Nomdnashena alluz soots orthodox Dime- 



24 The Nasby Letters. 

trats! In tMrty years' experieace, I n-over knew a nominaslien thjat dident. 

Me and my Ohui'ch wnz for pee.:?e. We wuz for Suthem rites. We 
wuz opposed to drafts, ai;d baxi purcha^t revolvei-s. TlieT4 the incomparible 
Mick'lellan wuz not ooir fust choice. The fact i^. the grate George wuz a war 
man wunst, and was tihe original inventor of drafts, wich don't make him ez 
accepta])le to us ez he mate be. But th i-e's a escoose for him. The D.mok- 
rasy must baxel in mind that the uiiforchnit man hed sui^k sum 85,000 Ablish- 
ndsts sumwher about Richmond, a-nd ez he knew ur the prejoodia 
existln agin Tolujiteerin under him, he insistid on hevin ur em brot in by 
draft. It wnz all done for the benefit ur the Dimokrasy, becoz: Tlie Dime"" 
krats drafted wood resaist or run to Kaiiady — the Ablishnists wood go, and, hal- 
leloogy! but few of them wood ever return. 

On receet of the new® I immejitly called my flock together, announst 
it to em, and giv em the follerin breef sketch uv our candidate, ez follows: 

George B. ^MicMellan wus bom uv rich but honist parence, sumwher in 
th© yeer 18 — . (I luv accoorasy.) Tho nationality ut his parence I am nof 
ehoor uv, but froon the fact that all the bitter old Know-Nothins is a support- 
in him, I shiood think he wuz uv Irish extraction. His greit pint wuz 
promptnis and djecLsdon uv karicter, and these quality displayed itself at a 
erly period. It is on rekoi"d in the arkives uv th.e family 
that he cried immejitly after he wnz homed, and com- 
menst nursin within a honr. He wuz remarkable at scho'ol for the same 
quality. No sooner did th,e clock strike noon, than 'young George would 
promptly leeve the house. The fucher general wuz foreshaddered in the skill 
with wich he robbed melon patches. He made reglar approaches, wich were 
skillful, but his retreets wuz magnificent. He oood change his base_ bootiful 
— *shiftin from melon patchis to orchards with neetuis and dispatch. Another 
peekooliarity uv young George shows haw troo is tlie sayin, that "The child is 
father uv the man," WUe George cood alluz very elaboritly stratejise his- 
eelf int2 a melon patdh or orcihard, he never stratejised hisself out with any 
melons or apples. 

He wuz edicatid at West Pint, and wuz finally miade President uv the 
Ohio and ISIii'SsifeLsiJppy Eialerode. Here his decishun agin showd itself. He 
oanseeved the bold ijee uv gravelin tha rode, wun momin, at 31 minits past 11. 
Wun yeer from that time he announst to the Drektors that 17 labrers and an 
ekal numiber uv wheebarrers hed bin prokoored, and he wuz bizzy, at that time, 
perfeotin a plan for organizin uv em. 2 months after he announst his plan per^ 
feetrld, and that operashuns hed commi^nst on a gravel-pit. Four days of 
briljintly successful work fo'llered, wen he announst that he wuz oWecgd to 
suspend operashuns, that 5 wheelbarrers wnz broke, laxd 7 lajbrers hed the diar- 
rear. He wood reorganize promptly, and proceed. Reorganizin this forse, and 
perfectin a new plan uv approach, only okepied 8 n.onths, and the work wood 
hev bin commenst by this time, had not the war broke out. The pay of the Fed- 
lal Guvment bedn larger and more surer than tlhe Confedrasy, he relinquisht 
ralerodJn and entered the Fedral servlss. 

His military career is knowd by all on us. Suffice it 2 say, that no gen- 
eral wuz ever so beluvd South, and so hated North, wich wuz wat prokoord 
Lis nominashen. 

Sich, my bi'ethrin, is our candidate. I>&t us all sink our prejoodisis, and 
elect him. The platform on wich he st \nds I endonse with my whole hart. I 
haven't read it yet, but it must be go'Od, for Vallandigum made it. The post- 
oi-fi-aes, the treasury, for wich we hev b'.n waitin 4 long, dreery yeres. is withiji 



Th* ^asby LETTEaa. 26 

ma resch. Tiel oa, my brethriii, go In and win. The dheerin for me wiB now 
ixwnmeaise. 

A oollekshun wuz taken up to defray expensia ut the eampane. $8 wiiz 
reelizd, wich wuz paid ovtsr to me. I shd probably appere on the stump in a 
aerw pair ut pants. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Paster uy sed Church, in charge. 

WAILETH MUCHLY. 

Church uv tlie Noo Dispensashun, 
September the 15th, 1864. 
The foCo-win sam vtr humiliashen and agony -will be chantid in every Cburch 
In my dioceese, all day, evry Sundy, until the Confedrits win a victory: 

A DOUBLE-BARRELD WALE — A CRY OV ANGISH. 

In the rall^ and shaddcr sit we! 

Jo<b hed bales, but he scraped hisself witih a oyster sbell! 

Namsaa wu* a, leper, bnt he doved into tiie Joa-dan, and cum out ez good as 
aew! 

Sampscm bed hia hair shing'led and wnz week am waterd wWsky, but It 
gTowd agin, and he busted his enemies! 

We her bfles and are rotten with em, but where'is the comfortin oyster^ 
ehtOl? • 

We hey leprrBssfy, but w3iere*s tho Jordun to jump into? 

• Our hair is short, and thar's whar our enemies hev got us, but whar's the 
restjoratire to make it grow agin? 

Job, and Naman, and Sampson, altogetJher. wuzn't as bad off ez we is. 

We kin throw in Lazzyriis with his sores, and the doa-gs a lickin nv em, and 
then gare em 50 in a 100 and beat em. 

Fo9* we nomdnatid ]Micklellan and Pendleton, ai Sbecago, and wun is a war 
man and tother is a peese man. 

The 01 and tEe ass is yoked — tbeir hea<is and tails together. 

And tbe teesm is pullin viggenisly, but instid uv goin forerd, its goin round 
and round. 

Wale! O my peeple, for the ficket wuzn't war enuff, and Cass has bolted! 

Gnash yer teeth! O ye saints, for the tickit wnizn't peese enaff, and so 
Vallaawiigain bez bolted! 

We tried 2 ride two bosses, ifoin in 2 diffremtt direckshuns, and we fell 
bo tihe gr<mnd- 

And both bosses turned on us and kicked xm. 

And MicMellan hez no chance— he wotn't bev th© givin nv the post-oflSsea. 
Wah!* 

And Sherman took Atlanta, and chawd np Hood! Wah! 

And Lee wants the Weldon road, but he can't git it. Wah! 

And Gov. Morton took the revolvers fram the peese men nv Injeany. 
^Vah! 

And tile draft wxm't be resisted and the provo marsiheils will hev whole skina. 
Wah! 

Wale! For Mainte aad Vennont, wich wuz ttned nv the war, and wua a 
goin for Mkjkleflla'n, hev voted Ablishn with a loosenia. 

* la kozia— aS tocrethec 



28 Ths Nasby Letters, 

Wale! For our nileis oppress iia. They let tlheir men vote in tib* army, 
but wion't let our men vote in Canady! Wah! 

Wale! Pot the Abliahni&ts shel hold the orfises, and we shel be numbered 
among tbe outs! Wah! 

Wale! For in the fuoiher I see no way uv livin but by wirk! 

Why wuz I boim in2 sidh a world? Why wuz whisl^ creatid, ef yoo 
oan't git it without a price? "^Tiy wuz orfisis establisfht, ef them can't git 
em ez wants em the most? 

Micklelian buried his thousands itn the swamps uy the Ghickahom5ny— 
Ae hatih buried his tens of thousands under the platform he kicked over! 

The Ablishniisita je3r us, and flout us; they wag their beds at us, say- 
ing, "Go up, bald hed!" 

And we hey gone upl PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 

Paster uv sed Ghurch, in charge. 

LAMENTETH. 

(The state elections in October, 1864, a moTith before the Presidential 
electiion in November, in Ohio, Indiana and Pennsylvania, gave heavy nnajor- 
ities for the Republican candidates for state offices, thus showing the utter 
hopelessness of soiccess for the Democrats who had nominated Gen. Geo. B. 
McOlellan for President, and George H. ,Pendletoai, of Ohio, for Vice Presi- 
dent.) 



Church uv the Noo Dispensashun. 
October the 14th, 1864. 

Fy^ cum 2 a conclushen. Pm satisfied that Pennsilwany, Ohio, and Inje- 
any hey "gooie for Ablisha. I seed it au a daily paper. There4, I direct that 
every church in my dyoceese be draped in moumin, (the same that we used 
wiien we heerd uv Atlanta will anser) and that the follerin sam uv angish be 
chantid at every servis, until we git the returns from Noo G^rsey. 

Ohio! Pensilwany! Injeany! 

Pensilwany is cussid, Ohio is cussdder, but Injeany is cuShgddeat. 

Weep, O my peeple, for lo! the hind sites is knoct off us! 

Gnash yer teetih, for the staits we countid on the most hev gone the wu»t 
agin uis. 

Tare yer hair, for Voorhees is beet. 

Throw ashes on yer hed, for little sam cofx is gone up. 

Array yerself in shoddy, fer we're aU gone iip. 

Ef sich is dun in the green tree, wat will it be in the dry? 

I am a fountain uv lamentashens — they run from me ez doth the water 
from tihe springs. 

Can we look to the South fer comfort? Nay, verily. 

F'or Atlanta is gone, and Lee rageth in vain, and Early is dhawd up eg- 
greejusly. 

And Linkin, and Goiant, and Sherman, and Sheridan are laffin wiOi much 
laffter — thej feel good. 

But their mirth is our wo, their meat is our pizen. 

Can we look to ttiw North? Not any; for that is ft Sahara Desert ny Ab- 
!i's5m5sm, with nary a oasis. 

Wher is the post-offisis? WTieo- is the ooUektefPships, and wher the tother 
places uy profit? They are not for us. 



Thi Nasbt Lettikl 17 

To the Bast -we rtretch «az hands, &»d Maine ejasiem, " Yor for Uem- 
kfai!" 

To the West we turn, and Injeany pops it to tw ttt Hhe tune of 30.000. 

We bot revolvers in that stait, and lo! we ooimmttld sooicide with em. 

We ar-3 a dove, a peese dove, shoved out uv the jxslitical i;rk. 

And the deliig-e of Ablishnism rageth vrild'ly, and shows no sign uv sub- 
eidin. 

And we air weery, but kin find no place to rest our foot. 

Bestir thyself, O Lee! if yoo wood save us in November. 

On yoo we bet our pile; yoo air our anker and out cheefest tm^. 

We preech in vane that the war is a faleyoor, while yoo air bein whipped 
once or twice a day. 

Be valiant, for gold is g'oin down, and goods n gom with it, and the Ab- 
lishnists laff and the peeple is content. 

Whale Grant just wunst, and give us wnn more chans©. 

lift us out uv the pit in2 wich we hev fallen — ^giv iM solid ground to stand 

OSL 

Then will our wailins be turned to joy, and our lamentations to songs 
uv gladnia. 

FETROLEinM Y. NASBY, 
Paster uv «ed Ohureh, in charge. 



P. S.— The printer -will put moumin linos abuv and below this letter. 

HAS A DEEAM. 

Cliurcfc uv the Noo Dispensashun, 
October the 21st, 1864. 

I am no bloever in gosts or dreems, or sich, nor never wuz. Ef the tyrant 
Linkin, (wicli is a apo,) should draft m?, and I shaod be dragged to the tentid 
fe<»l<l, a unwtllin marter, I know I shOi>d much prefer meetin the gost uv a 
rebel soljer, -sN-ich is a shadder, than 2 enkounter wun in the flesh, with a 
musldt and bayn«^, wich is no shadder. Di*eams is likewise unsubstanshel, 
and result, 9 ceases out uv 10, from aboose uv the stummick. I dreem but sel- 
dom, and wen I do, I allaz attrlbut it 2 eatin a pound or two more sassij, or 
driiddn a quart or tvvo more whisky, than I reely need, late at nite; and I 
never bleevd they wuz proplietik, btcoz I don't allow that tbe seat uv proph- 
esy is locited in the stumick. These is my theory uv gosts, droems, and sieb. 

I bed a dreeitn last nite wich left a inipreshn on my mind. I bed' bin prcpar- 
5n a sermon, provin that ''Servants, obey yoor masters," justified the 
ketchin uv niggers with dorgs, wen I fell asleep and dreeraod. 
Methawt I wuz dead, and bed laid in that stait 200 ywrs, 
and bed awoken, AJid found myself agin on earth. I «aw nolhin peko>»Jvor. 
There vraz nKwre raJ<?r«xleiS, aiid more skiX)l-ho-i«es, and in2 wun uv tbe latter 1 
went. 

The skooi-marm wuz eggsaminin a class uv yung^ters in histry. 

'•Who wuz the gnitest and go«jdGSt men the Voooitdd Staits ever t»ro- 

"George Washington and Ab«>rhain Liakin." 

"What did they do?" 

'^Washington foundid the guvemmerit. ami TJiiltJn prcap B iyd BU" 

"Who wuz tie tru.st men the am.stry prodoott?" 

A Httle girl anserd: 



28 The Nasbt LEXTEiiS. 

"Judath Ithcariot, Benedict Arnold, Jeff Davitih and Vallandigiim.'' 

"Yoo air wrwig, imy ciiild," retortid the skool-mann.' "Judas lived in an- 
other country, and be4 the others. They were so sirailer, however, that the 
errer is excoosable. What did Arnold, and Davis, and Vallandignm dor" 

"Arndd betrayd his oountry, and took up arma agin it; Davis rebelld agin 
his gnvemment, and Vallandigum helped him all he cood without gettin his- 
eelf into danger." 

"What names were given them ez opposed the government, in '76 and '61?" 

'Tories and Copperheds." 

"Wioh wuz the wust, the Tories or Copperheds?" 

"That pint hez bin much discust, but no konkloosion hez ever bin arriv 
at." 

"How m^nny times wuz Linkin eleetid President ?** 

"Two." 

"Hed he enny opposition for the sekkund term?" 

"Nun 2 speek uv. The rebels and C ^pperheds run a disgracd soljer, whose 
name sum historyans giv ez ^lickfadde.i, uthers as INIicknellan, and uthers ez 
Micklellan; but ez he receevd no votes in the elektoral ooUij, the elekshun wuz 
eonsiderd unanimns. The Oopperhed candidate sunk in2 obskoority after the 
war, and he wuz forgotten, wich wuz I icky for his children." 

I notist about haff the childem heil on bloo ribbin; tone-fourth wnz dreel 
ordinary, and the balence hed a white rag pinned to their bax. I asked the 
schood-marm what tliis indicatid. She askt me ef I wuz a furriner; to wich I 
ai'iserd, I wnz, a furrin prinse in d'.sgise, on a tower uv observashen. She 
repliod: 

"Tliem ez hez bloo ribbans is the descendants uv the soUjerg uv the grate re- 
bellion; them with no dekorations is desendid frum loyul men who wuz not 
soljers; and them poor things w^u hev the white rag, (she bustid in2 teers 
and wept perfoosely) are the unforch lit desendance uv — Copperheds!" 

I visitid a oourt-house. The case th>y wuz tiyin wuz slander. One man 
hed asserted that the great-great-grand rather uv another, who wuz a opposin 
candidate for Gustis uv the Peese, hed bin a Copperhed. Plaintiff brot in2 
court a o.ld paper printed in 1864, wich showd that sed ancester wuz on a Lin- 
kin sentrel komity; Groory brot in a verdick uv $10,000 for plaintiff. 

I awoke frum this dreem in a oolcl swet. "Is it possiible," thot I, "that 
posterity will so regard us?" and for a minnit I wuz almost persuadid to be a 
Christian. But I thot uv the post-offisis, and sed to myself, "\STi.it is posterity 
to a ded man? Let me hev offis, and the menes uv keepin my skin fuU uv 
whisky without work, and posterity may think wat it pleezis." And I re- 
soomed laber on my sermon. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Paster uv sed Church, in charge. 

HAS A DIFFICULTY WITH HIS FLOCK AND LEAVES IT. 

Onto the Wing, November the 10th, 1864. 

The dy is east! All Is ore! Ef Freedom shreekt wen Kossiliusco fell, 
she must hev squawkt last Toosdy nite as she beheld the inannymait corpse 
uv the Dimekratik party, which fell, crushing Little Mack, and the hoi>es uv 
sum hundreids uv thousens uv good Diuiekrats, who spectid to be persTsadid 
by ther f rends in2 acceptin the various othsis under the guvmeat. 

I ami a dost and rooiaed man. My peeple are uv the troo Dimekratik 
stdpe. They hev faith in me. They bleeve wat I teU «m. I told' em Micklel- 
lan wuz certin uv the elecshnn, and that I bed ded-wooid on the disposle uv 



The ^asby LETTEita. « 29 

tli« offisis in that seckshun. It iinmejiily lu'kiim a e<vy matter to borrer nmn- 
ny. It wuz deliteful— wood, O wood that it cood hev bin perpetooal. Brother 
Savij lent me $50, with a request that I wood speek a g-ood word for him for 
a furrin mishn. I assoomd a virchus l.x>k. and replide that I never sold my 
inflooense, but tliat I alluz hed a admirashen for his massir intellek and 
memiy virohoos. Brother Guttle lent me munny, wantin this, and Brother 
Sludge wantin that; in breef, eriy indivijjle ur em who hed a forehed a inch 
high spactid suthin. 

The returns cuim in- Ohio — Linldn! "Grood! 'Rah!" shouts I, with 
grate presence uv mind. 

"Why good?" anxshusly asks the expectants. 

"Becoz, to carry Ohio, the Ablishrists must hey brot votes from Noo 
York, -wich. will gir us that stait sihoor." 
Noo York — ^Linkin! 

"Good Lord!" ansers I, promptly: "the Noo Y<L.rk Ablishnlats must hev 
vortid in Ohio, and hev got home in time 2 vote agin. But (wait for Penn- 
sHwany." 

Pennsylwany — ^Linkin! 

"My friends, ther wuz fraud— :Massachusitts soljers, at least 40,000, mnst 
hev votid there. Injeana will do at, however." 
Injeana — Linldn! 

"Not less than 40,000 Massydiusits soljers hev votid there. Illinois is safe, 
though." 

niinois — Linldn ! 
"40,000 IMassychu— - 

"Give me my munny!" roard Savlj, and the same remark, with varia- 
fhens, wuz maid by Guttle, Sludge, and the rest uv em. 

"Gently, my frends," sed I, backin out uv the door. "We hev bin defeatid, 
but the grate principple that a white man is better than a nigger, for wich 
\\re hev so long fought, still lives. Let us sink all miner considrashens, and"— 
The miner considerashens I referred to wuz, however, uppermost in their 
minds, for they all went for me. yellin like Cuscororious Injins, "Give me my 
munny!" whereupon I retreated 2 the meetin-house, lockin myself in. Tliey 
surroundid it, swarin they'd starve me out. 

When a innocent boy, I red a harroiu tale uv a Rooshn muther who woz 
persood by frantic wolves, and who saved her own life by droppin her chil- 

drin to em wun by wun. My privit barel uv whisky wuz in my study I wuz 

saved! I histid it out uv a winder, and calmly awaitid results. They flockt 
around it— they took turns at the bung-hole. In wim short hour they wuz 
stretched helpless on the plane, ded drurk. Then and there I resined mv 
charge, and borrerin sich mimny and watches ez the ungrateful wretches hed 
about em, to make up arrears uv salary and ach, bid adoo 2 em furever. I 
shell go to Noo Gersy. 

PBTBOLEUM V. NASBY, 
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun. 

TAKES A EETROSPECTIYE VIEW. 

Saint's Rrst (wich is in th^ Stiiit uv Noo Gersey), 

November the 14th, 1864. 
Retrospex is profitable. By castin a prophetic eye backwards, a massive 
intellek kin dissern errors wich hev bin made, and kin dodge em in the dim 
and misty fucher. 

The old Dimokrasy was wopt in the larst campane, soldy and entirely 



30 The JSasby LETxial 

becoz iiT its own stoopidity and cowardis. I say it boldly. We cBdn't 
bleere in the war — we vraz opposed to it in the beginnin; we wantid the 
guvnaent revolooshnizd to keep Noo Ingland, wi<;h is spredin herself all over 
the West, fnim submergin the entire Dlmekratik party. Our bark wuz on the 
sea— slaivry wuz its anker, its jib-boom, its rite forrerd tm'ast, its bow-sperit, 
its keel, its all. Slaivry wuz our best and only holt. The Suthners wantid con- 
trol uv the nashen, that they might use the sed nashen for the excloosive bene- 
fit uv slaivry. Werry good. They held all the big orfisis for them purpus; 
but, thank Hevin. the slaveholders coodent hold all the orfisis! Ther wuzn't 
enuff uv em, halleloojy! They coodn't eome up North and hold the post-or- 
fisis, glory! O them good old times! They wuz libi^al and eezy to pleeze. 
They allowed Uis to hev a President occasionally, ef we presentid a man who 
oood give bonds to em 2 perform ez they desired. Peerse wuz one uv this 
tind, and Bo-okannon wuz another, and the larst. Ther labor wuz complikatid 
and severe. Peerse bed to establish the immaculate oonsepshun uv Popler 
Suviinty, a^nst all Dlmekratik presedent, and poor old Bookannon wuz 
forced 2 strangle the noo-bom baby, and give birth 2 the Lecompton bill, wich 
wuz a severe operashen for one so old and frale. 

Noo Ingland rebeld, and" eiectid Lintin. The South appeled 2 arms. Then 
wuz our golden opportoonity. We shood hev took up arms, druv the yooser- 
per from ihis seet, and installid in his place a sound, oonservativ, constooshnefl 
Dimekra/t. Uv coorse, the Ablishnists wood hev resistid. Ah! I shood want 
em to. Doth the majestik eegle appeze his^ royal appetight on bare bones? 
He dothent. The fat and joosy karkis is wat his hart desires. O how I wood 
hev liked to hev led a regiment uv sueh braves ez itheon frends uv the lait 
Governor Seemer, who killid the niggers in No© York, last) yeer, thro the rich 
towns uv MassychusittsI Wher the ^karlds is, ther the buzzards will be also. 
_. We didn't do this. AVat -v\niz the next best thing? Cleerly to elect as Presi- 
dent a Dimekrat who bed Dimokrasy enuff to turn the guvment over to its 
legitimit OTVTiers ez soon ez he got it. A uncondishne'l peeoe man wuz w:it we 
wantid, and on a uncondishnel peese platform. We bed bed three yeers iiv 
war, uv taxis, uv drafts, and a whalin draft wuz a haugin over us at the 
time. We wnz shoor uv 6 classis, to-wit, viz.: 

The Dimela-at proper who got his pollytix by inheritanee. 

The casheerd army orfisers, dismist beooz they disapproved uv the man- 
ner in wich the war wuz bein condulvtid. 

The gentlemanly contra cters who bed furnisht !hoss-beef and shoddy cloth 
2 the soljers, and bed bin caught at it. 

The cowardly cusses, who wuz afeerd uv drafts. 

The cappytalists, who bed investid in Confedrit bonds. 

The miserly cfusses, who groaned at taxes. 

Heer wuz a array-^a phalanks that coodent be broken; for wen a man Ij. 
mean from interest, argument won't tedh him. It's a shootin paper wads 
ag'mst a iron-clad. Yoo mite ez well whisi>er Gray's Elegy in2 the ear uv a ded 
guvment muie, wich is sed 2 be the dedest thing on earth. 

But ^licklellen wuz nominated. O, wat stoopidity! It wuz dim to ketch 
the War Dimekrats, they sed. The War Dimekrats lifted up the Genei-al's 
kote-tale and found Pendleto-n there, and they skatterd. The an ti draft a.tid 
anti-tax Abilishnisbs thought they'r ruther be taxt and draftid by Liu 
kin, who bed alluz drawd it mild, than by MicMellen. The sojers rem(^»f« 
bered Ghickahominy swamps. The shoddy theeves knowd theyd stand r<j 
chance against such expert practishuers ez the Woods, and Toucey, and sic* 
end so we wu« beeten. 



1*HE JSTasbt Lettim. it 

I her hopes that we will yet tnni out rite. GefTson Davii is armin th« 
m^ers; the DimekriaT hev seed the folly uv philajoderin after war, and wun 
gc *d Oomfedrit victry will s<'t me up agin. 

Let the Dimekratik vir^ius keep their lamps full uv ile and trimmed. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Late Paster uv the Ohurch uv the Noo Dispensashun. 

• "WAILETH AND CUSSETH." 

Saint's Rest, (widb is in the Stait uv Noo Gersey), 

December the 26th, 1864. 

Tve iheerd from Savanner! I hev red uv it. Fancy the feelLn uv a man 
who hed ben fer weeks spectin 2 heer uv Sherman's bein entirely chawd up by 
t!he imdanted Suthem milishy! 

The follerin impromptoo cuss and wale (ekally mixt) reflex the stait ur 
o^nd uv the Dim-okrasy uv this sekshun. 

Hart-siclc, weery, alone, bustid, 

Gone-up, flayed, skind, hung out. 

Smashed, pulverized, shiverd, scattenl 

Physikt, puked, bled, blistered. 

Sich is Dimokrasy! 

Alone I sit, like ^Marius, among the rooins! 

Alone I sit and cuss, and this is any cuss: 

Cussid be Calhoon, for he interdoost us to that paintid harlot, Staits Rites, 
who sedoost us. 

Cussid be Peerse, who oonsentid 2 the Xebrasky bill, wich bustid us. 

Cussid be Bookannon, who favored Lecompton, wich peeled us. 

Cussid be Breckinridge, who woodent support Di^glis, and 'lectid Linkin, 
wich give our post-oi^fises 2 Ablishnists. 

Cussid be the post-masters — may thf^y bekum suddently insane, and wildly 
go 2 trustin ooit postage stamps to Dimekrats. 

Cussid be Grant, a^nd Sheriden, and Rosycrance, for they've dun for 
Demokrasy. ♦ 

Cussed be them as went in the army Dimekrats and cum out Ablishnists 
<Yvich is a epyydemic.) 

Cussid be Vallandigum, wich went a practisin law, leevin me in the 
Dimokrasy biznis alone, without enny oappytle to run cm. 

(SPESHLY HOT.) 

Cussid be Sherman, for he took Atlanta. 

And he marcht thro the Gonfedrisy, and respected not the feelins m enny- 
bcKly. 

His path wuz, like Mo.^.m s, lit up with pillers uv fire and smoke, only the 
fire iirA smoke wuz behind him. 

His path is a desert— lo, the voice uv the Shanghy is heerd not in all the 
land. 

And the people uv the South lift up ther voisis and weep, becoz their nig- 
gers are not. 

And he took Savanner, and cotton enuff 2 hev satisfide Bookannoin's cabby- 
net. 

And he turns his eyes toward Charleston, and is serusly thinkin uv Rich- 
mond. • 

He starteih with three-skore thousand— he stoppeth with three-skoire and 
ten. 



•^2 Ti. Nasby Leitkrs. 

The wind blowetb whore it listeth — ho listeth where he goeth. 

A?i the lode-atone is to steel, so is his steel to the Creorgia nigger — it draw 

eth him on. 

Who ^^•ill save us from tbe fury nv this Shei-man? who \\ill deliver u.x 
from his hand? 

Johnston h© beat, Hood he fooled, and WTieeler he flogged. 

Lee wood do it; but he's holdin Grant, ajid can't let go ur him 

So he cavorts ez he wills, like a year'lin mailo with a chesaut burr under his 
tale. 

Bitter in the mouth uv a Dimokra/t is qwinine, bitter ia gall, but more bit- 
ter is Fedral victrys. 

We hev bin fed on victrys lately, and our stuniak turns. 

Played out Is Davis, <and Dimokrasy hez follered soot. 

The Dimokrasy is turning war-men — ^they are boTsin the knee to linkin. 

Voorlhees will yet ibe a Brig'gydeer, a ad Yallandigum will cry aloud for a wai 
UT exterminash^to, land Femandyw<5(od will howl for drafts. 

For tho John Brown's body lies all mouldy in the grave, bis soie is a-march 
in on. 

I ain't the rose uv Sharon, nor the lily uv the valley — I'm the last uv the 
Kopperfieds! 

I bilt my polittiMe bowse on sand — it hez fell, and I'm under the rooins. 

Ut i)ol!Iytix I wash my hands, I sihake its dust orf my few remainin gar- 

m«noe. 

PBTROLELnr V. NASBY, 

Lait Paster ur the Church uv (the Noo Dispensashun. 
DETAILS THE FAILUEES OF THE DEMOCRACY. 

Saint's Rest, (widh is in the Stalt uv Noo Gersey), 

February the 10th, 1865. 

People ia queer. Humanity, pertiklerly American humanity, vewd from a 
Dimekra/tLk standpint, is a inscrootable • mystery. *To the undersined it*« a 
staggrer. 

For instance. 

The normel instinks uv mankind Is not 2 work. Dimokrasy hez bin a 
holdin out to the Amerikin peeple the priceless boon uv nigger slaivry — ^the on- 
speekible happinis uv hevin others swet for em — ^uv passin a lifetime a suckin 
mimt-ju'leps thro straws, and smokin ten-cent cigars, on the work uv others. It 
wuz regectid. 

I wiiz thankin the matter over to-nite, and I wuz sihockt at the remarkable 
yooanimity with wich evry distinktiv measure perposed by the Dimokrasy hez 
bin repoodiaf'J by the people. 

We told em the Sjuth wood rel»el, ef they votid for linkin. They voviil 
for Linkin. 

We told em greenbax and guvemment bonds wood be entirely worthless. 
They take the greenbax, and subscribe for the bonds with a loosenis onparal- 
Med. 

We told em they oood never lick the South They went in and ore whip- 
pin the Soath, with neetnis and dispatch. 

We warned em agin drafts and sich. They go and vote for drafts — indeed, 
I heerd wun recreant Dinaekrat observe that he rayther liked a draft wunst 
or twice per annuim, they varied the monotony. "And then,** sed he^ "a feller 
feeSiS so good w!hen he finds he ain't drawd." 



The Nasbt I.ettf.rs JJi^ 

TV« told em the war wothI go on ef Linkin wnz re-electid. They -went and 
re-elertid lyiTikin. 

We told era that any interference wiib slnivry wood rooin North and South. 
They abolisht it in a lump. 

In short, the peiple is crazy. Wateverthe Dimokrasy endorses, the peeple 
reje.\; watever tlie Dimokrasy rec()mrnond>«. the peeplle condenm. I'm con- 
Tin«t nv the trootli ur the ^lillerite do'.-trine— the end ur the world is at hand. 
Ez for me, I care not how soon it comes. Life is not measured by yeers. 
I am 3 skcre in yeers, but I hev consumed en uff whisky for a anan uv a hun- 
dred. Therefore I am reddy. ^^^lenever the Dimokrasy Unally pegs out, I 
want to go likewise, for with it my mishn is ended. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Lait Paster uv the Church uv /the Noo Dispensashun. 

THE FALL OF EICEMOND AND LEE'S SURRENDEE. 

Saint's Rest, (wioh is in the Stait uv Noo Grersey), 

April the 10th, 1865. 
I survived the defeet uv BrcKjkinridKO in ISGO, beooz I knowd the Dim- 
nkrasy cood ras up in arms agin the unconstooshnality uv electin a seckshmxl 
Prt-sident, who wuz impregnatid with any seckshnal ijees that he got north nv 
^^asau and Dixon's line. 

I «ur\i\'ed the defeet uv Micklcllan (w^ho wuz, troaly, the nashen's hope 
lud pride likewise), be.'oz I felt assoored that the rane uv the goriller Linkin 
ft-ooil be a short wun; that in a few m (nths, at furthest, Ginral Lee wood 
rapcher Washinton, depose the ape, and set up there a coustooshnal guver- 
luent, based upon the grate and immutable trooth that a white man is better 
than a nigger. 

I surA-ived the loss uv Atlanta, and Snvanner, and Charleston, becoz, depend- 
n on Suthem papers, I bleevcni that thcrru places wuz given up — mind, given up 
-becoz the Oonfedrits desired to ronsentrate for a crushin blow. 

I survived ithe fall uv Richmond, tho it wuz a staggrer; becoz I still bed 
»ait.h that that grate and good man, Lee, did it for stratejy, that he might 
• onsentrate hissc^xf surawhers else; and when the Ablishnists jeered me, and 
sed "Richmond," and "Go up, bald-hed," to me, I shook my fist at em, and 
s<'d. "Wait, and yoo'll see." 

I wuz a lookin for the blow that wuz to foUer this consentratin. 
It cum! 

Birt it wuz us who reseevd it. and a deth-blow it wuz. Ajacks defied the 
litejiin; cood he hev bin a Northern Dimekrat, and stood this lick unmoved, 
he mite hev dun it with perfek safety. 
"Lee surrenderd!" 

Good hevins! Is thi^ the end uv consentratin? Is this the dyin iu the - 
last ditch? Is this the fightin till the last man wuz a Inanimait corpse? Is 
rthis the bringin up the chihiom to take their places, ez the old ones peg out 
JuncVer Yankee bullits? 
"Lee surrenderd!" 

WTiy, this ends the biznis. Down goes the curtain. The South is conkeredl 
Conkerefll! COXKKREDI!! Linkin rides into Richmond! A Illinois raU- 
splitter. a buffoon, a ape, a goriller, a smutty joker, sets hisself down in Pres- 
ident Davis's cheer, and rtes dispatchis! Whev are the matrons uv Virginia? 
Did they not bare their buznms and rush on2 the Yankee bayonets that guarded 
the monster? Did they nf»t out their childem's thi-otes, and wavin a Coiifederit 



34 The Nasby Lsttkhs. 

flaj» in one hrnd, plunge a meflt-knife in2 thedr tkrobbin buzzuma -wltSi the 
totb.^, rather than see their city dishonored ])y the tred uv a conkerer's foot? 

Alars! not wunst. 

Per conti-aiy. I reed in the papers that they did rusli wildly thro the 
streets, with their children in their arms. 

But St wnz at the Yankee commisaaiy trains, who giv em bread ar.d meat, 
wicrh they eat vociferously. 

Their buzzums wnz bare. 

But it VrTiz becoz their cloze bed worn omt, and they didn't know how to 
weare cloth for new" wuns. 

In breef, they actid about ez mean ez a Northern Dimekrat ever did, and 
to g-o lower is unnesessary. 

This ends the chapter. The Confederasy hez at last consentratid its last 
consentrate. It's ded. It's gathered up its feet, sed its last words, and de- 
oeest. And with it the Dimokrasy hez l:ke^vise given up the ghost. It may 
survive this, but I can't see how. Wa staked our political forlfune oh it; 
we went oui bottom dolla,r on/ it; it's gone up, and we ditto. Linkin will serve 
his term out — ^the tax on whisky won't bo repeeled — our leeders will die ofl 
uv chagrin, and delirium trc^mens and inability to live so long omt uv offis, arid 
the sheep wiJl be skattered. Farewell, vane world. I'll embrace the Catholic 
faitlh and l>e a nun, and in a cloister find that rest that pollytix kin never give. 

PETROLEU:^! V. NASBY, 
Lait Paster uv-the Church uv ithe Nao Dispensashun. 

"MAKES A DELEGASHUN UV HISSELF," AISID VISITS 

THE PRESIDE XT. 

Saint's Rest, (widh is in tihe Stait uv Noo Gersey), 

May the 21st, 1865. 

AH the Staits uv the North, and the heft uv them resently subjoogatid, all 
the sosieties, associashuns and churchis that ever I heerd uv, hev sent dele- 
gashuns for the purpus uv voilunteeriu ad-.ice 2 .Tohnson, the noo President. 
Feelin that Noo Gersey shood not be behind in the advice bizniss, I eleetid 
myself a delegas^hun, borrered a clene shirt, and traveled 2 Washinton. I 
wuz announst ez a "delegashun frum Noo Gersey," and wuz to wnnst usherd 
in2 the presents. 

"^\Tier is the delegashun?" ejakoolajtid the President; "hurry em up, for 
I've thirteeu more to reseeve this af teru oon." 

"Androo Jonson," sed 1, hnpressilvl.,-, "I represent Noo Gersey, a Stait 
that hez jest dun honor to the deceest President." 

"Ti-oo," returned he; "sioh Staits honor patriots — after they're dead." 

"I resent the insinooashun, "with skorn. Ez proof that the murder uv the 
President T\Tung the popler ha.rt uv Noo Gersey, let me say, sir, that the 
Camden and Amboy Drekturs, at a meetin called for the perpus, abslootely 
votid 2 curiy the ooi-psa uv tlie deceest President oA'er the road for half-fare! 
a honor never be4 akordid to- enny 'liviu er ded iudividjooal. But let that 
I>ars. Noo Gersey needs no speshl pleader. Ther she stands. Look at her — ef 
yoo hev a mycroscope. 

"I cum, Androo, ez a orlginel Dimekrat, who, whatever other «ins he may 
hev oomimittod, never skratcht his tickit er dilootid Ms whisky. In beihaff uv 
that Dimokrasy I speak. 

"Ez hez bin menshund 2 yoo wunst er twict, a immense responsibility 
rests on yoor holders. The Suthem Staits struggled for ther rites, but were 



The Nasbt Letter*. S&' 

sqneldht. They fougM like heroes, Tjut fell, becoz ut averp'>WTin iramlber^ 
ag-in em. They're down— yaor irou heel is on2 their necks. \Miat will yco do? 
Will yoo griud em, er will yoo be mag.iaiiimus? 

"Wunst we wuz a happy nasheii, and we kin be so agin— it rests with yoo. 
Yoo must consUiate the Dimokrasy. Our party North is maguanymus. We 
stand reddy to fergive yoo for hevia draftid us, for herin taxt us to support* a 
uneonstooshnel war, providin you'll stop now. Woo our Suthem brethrin back 
with jentle words. They air a high-speritid and sensitive race, that kin never 
be subjoog^atid. Take em agin 2 yer b.r/.zum, and don't hoomiliate em by de- 
gradin condishns. Give em a chanse 2 fergive us for whalin uv em. Restore 
ther niggers, pay ther war debt, invite Magoffin,* and Vance, and Brown, 
and the rest uv the guvners, back 2 their various capitols— give Lee, and For^ 
ist, and Boregard ther posishns in the reglar army, and penshun the disabled 
Ckmfedrit heroes. 

"Ther mustn't be no hangin. You've got that unfortnit staitsman, Davis 
— he fell in2 yoor hands becoz he wuz iguorent uv the style uv yoor (lait Lin- 
kin's) minyuus. He mite hev knode that the soljers never seed a woman takin 
to the woods without chasin her. But he must not be hung. Dimokrasy 
looks upon the matter thus: 

"You can't hang a man for conspirin agin a guvment onless he taiks up 
arms. 

"Ef a few take up arms, it's only a riot, and no hangin matter, 'cept when 
A.blishnists like John Brown do it. In sich cases hangin is alluz ia order. 

''Ef a number uv Staits do it, it's a revolooshen, and them ez yoo capcher 
must be treoted ez belly jiggerants and prizuers uv war. To hang prizners uv 
war, Androo, is murder. 

"This wood probably s:\tisfy the South. At the North less is reqwired. 
The Dimokrasy is carlly consiliatid. Give our leeders enuff of the olllsis 2 
support em, with the pridlidge uv managin things to soot us, and the trubble 
is ore. On them terms we'll support yoor Administrashea, or enuy uth« 
uian's, corjelly and hartily. and peese will agin wave iier white pinyuus over 
the laud, and will coutinyoo 2 'wave em omtil the Suthem hart is agin fired. 

"I hev dim — Noo Gerscy hez spoke." 

I rather spect my words wOl bear froot. Look out for a change uv polisy. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispeusashun, 

SEARCHES THE SCEIPTURES, AND GETS COMFORT 

THEREFROM. 

• , ' Saint's Rest, (widh is in the Stait uv Noo G^rsey), 

August the 11th, 1SG5. 

The contemplashen uv< the nigger hez, in time past, given me a gi-ate deel 
uv trubble. Nigger hez to me biu a inkubus — a nitemare, I never cood see 
wby the si>edes wuz creatid; never coi^d I understaiid why they wuz put onto 
the face uv the earth, any more than toads or other disgustin obgeeks. But 
hist nite a !ite bust onto me — I seed it all. 

I wuz low-speritcd and deprest. Jyff Davis a pinin in a loathsum dungun 
—the English cappytalists a mOumin for their cotton bonds, and refusin to be 
' oniforted beeaus>e the Coufedrasy is not — Mrs. Surratt a dauglin in the air— 
I'.alitary courts plenty and habis corpusis skarce — the looseuis with wich 
lieeple put ther munny into 7-30* s— the soljers retumin and goin for constoosh- 
Liel Dimekrats, and the gioral demoralization uv Dimokrasy, alLL conspii-ed to 



36 • The iSJasbv LKTTKaa. 

give me the horrors, and to add to my dlstJ\^isia, the jug ttuz out! To avoid 
m'adnis, I took up the Bible (1 IxKiid wjth a justice uv the peese, who hez to 
keep one to SAvare ^'itnessws on), aud h;ipi>(^iied to open at the i^th chapter uv 
Jennysis. Yoo know aJl about that bles^id chapter. 

Noer, after the water went down, cum down from Aryrat, went hito fariniu, 
and plantid grapes exteaisive. One day he took a nip too mucfti, and laid doiwn 
with insuffishent clothin onto him. His 2d sou, Ham, seed him in that fix, 
and when Noer awoke, while his hair waz still pullin, he cusst him, and his 
posterity, and sed they stiood be servance forever. 

Ham (wich in the oi-iginail Hefbrew signifies a hind-quarter hy a hog) wuz 
the father uv the Afrikins, and they faev bin slaves ever senoe. 

I seed a lite to wunst — I realized the importance uv the nigger. He is the 
conmectin link in tJhe ehane uv circums stances wich led to the formashen uv 
the Dimekratic party. H© hez kept the blessid old masheen. a runnin to this 
day. 

Observe. 

Whisky (or wine, wich is the same thing) made Noer tigbt. 

Ham seed Noer inebriated. 

Noer cust Ham, vdch turned him into a nigger amd a servant. 

That the Skripters mite be fulfilled, the childem uv Ham wuz brot to 
Amerika, to be servanoe here. 

Wikkid men set themselves agin the Skripti^rs, and tried to make men uv 
the niggors. 

The Dimekratik party ariz for the purpus uv keeipin the nigger down, and 
that deliteful biznis hez given them employment for mor'n 30 yeers. 

Ez I shet the book, I cood not help r unarkin, in the words uv the sammistf 

"Good Lord, upon what slender threda 
Hang everlastin things!" 

Spoisin Noer, tnstid uv plantin grapes, hed gone to praotisSn law, or into 
the grocery biznis, or buyin prodoos on oommishn, or puttin up patent modi 
cius — he wooden' t hev got inebriated: ho woodn't hev cust Ham. Ham wood> 
ent hev turned black; there woodent hev bin no niggers, no Ablishnists, and, 
consequently, no Dimekrats. 

Or, sp"3sn all uv Haim's childem hed taken diphtheria, and died; the same 
rosults wood hev foUered. 

T\Tiisky made nigger— nigger made Dimokrasy. Take away whisky and 
nigger, nid Dimokrasy woodent be uv no more akkount than a one-armed man 
at a raisin. 

V\Tiisky! Nigger! Dimokrasy! O, savery trinity! 

We don't none uv us read the Skripters enuff. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Lait Paster uv the Church uv (the Noo Dispensashun. 

SUGGESTS A "PSALM OF SADNESS" FOE HIS FEIENDS 

SOUTH. 

Saint's Rest, (wich is !n the Stait uv Noo Ger<sey), 

September the 12th, 1865. 
The utter aud abgect state uv cussitcod into wich the Dimokrasy find their- 
selves, Noi-th and South, makes a day uv fastin approprit. Ef the Loi-d is 
ever a goin 2 help us, now's his time. 



The Nasby Letters. 37 

Bf mr clerikle brethrin ur the Chiiroh Sontih deside to appin/t a day ut 
fastin and pniyer, 1 submit the follerin ez a sam av agony, appraprit for the 
oceasian: 

A 8AM UV AGONY. 

On the street I see a nigger! 

On his back a ooat ur bloo, and he canyeth a imuskfk. 

He is provo-gnard. and he halteth me, ez wnn hevin authority. 

And my tender daughter spit on him, ajid lo! he arrested her, and ^e lan- 
gnisheth in the guard-house. 

My eyes dwell on him, an my sole is a Artesian -wielfl uv wo; it grusheth with 
greef. 

For that nigger wuz my nigger! I bougiht him witlh a price. 

Alas! thajt nigger is out of has normal oomdishn; he is a star out ur lt» 
iBpeer, whi'^h sweepeth thro the politiMe heTins, smashin things. 

Noi-mally, he wuz wuth gold and silYeivMi.ow he is a nitemaxe. 

Wun«t I wuz rich, anci that nigger wuz the basis thereof. 

Wo is me! I owned him, sole, body, muscles, sdnioos, blood, boots and 
breedhis. 

Hia iiitellek wuz mine, his body wuz mine, Hkewise his labor and the 
froots thereof. 

His wife wuz mane, and she wtiz my oonkebine. 

The normal results of the conkebinage I sold, oomibining pleasure and 
profit in a eminent degree. 

And on the price thereof I played poker, aaid drank mint-gooleps, and rode 
In gorgus chariots, and wore purple and fine Mnen erery day. 

T^'uz this miscegenashun, or negro equality? Not any. For she wuz mine, 
even as my ox, or my horse, or my sheep, and her increase wuz mine, even as 
wuz theirs. 

Ablishn miscegenashun elewates the nigger wench to his level. I did it for 
gain, wioh degradeth her muchly. 

And when the wife uv my buzm lifted up her voice in complaint, sayin. 
"Tvo, I am abused— this little nigger resembleth thee!" half the price uv the 
infant chattel wood buy a diraund pin with wich to stop her yawp. 

And my boys follerd in my footsteps, and grate wuz the mix, but profit- 
able. 

Buit my dreem Is bustid, 

The nigger Is free, and demands wages for the work ur his hands. 

His wife is free, and she can decide whether she'U cleave to her husband. 
OT be my conlcebine. 

Yisterday I bade her com© to me, and, k>! she remarkt, "Go 'way, white 
man, or I'll bust yer hed." 

And I gode. 

Her childem are free— they are mine, likewise,but I can't sell em on the 
block to the highest bidder. '\ 

Therein Liokin sinned— he violaitid the holiest and highest instinks uv our 
nacher; he interposed a protlamashen atween father and child. 

We took the heathen from Afreka, and wuz a makin Christians uv em. Wo 
to him who stopt us in our mishnary work. * 

It ia written— "Kin the Etliiope change his skin?" I wuz a changin it for 
nim. I and my fathers, and we hed mellered it down to a brite yaller. 

Dark is my f ucher. 



'^ The Kabbt Lettkba. 



n 



I ot)eyed tfcje grate law ur labor, cz I eet-r«a iui the ftnB(y, by 
N<yw shel I hev to stane my hand with labar, or starrer 

In what am I better than a Northern mudsill? 

I kin get no dimund pins fur the wife uv my* buzum, and she yawpeth coa- 
tinyooally. 

Arrayed in hum-spun, she wra sties with pots and kettles in the kitcheau 

Weigiied down with wo, she dips snuff in silence. 

ShA asks uv me comfort- wat kin I say, whose pockits ooatane only Con- 
fedrit skript? 

Save us from Massychusits, wich Is ornery and cussid. 

Protect us from nigger soji^rs, wich is grinning feends. ; 

ShelteiT us from the ghost uv John Brown, which is marchin on. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Lait Paster, uv the Clihnrch uv the Noo. Dispenaashun. 

THE WISE OLD EAT. 

# ^^ 

A CLASSIKLE FABLE, DESINED 2 ILLUSTRAIT THE IJEE UV " PLUCKIN 
THE FLOWER SAFETY PROM THE NETTLE DANGER," AFTER AESOP, 
WHO WUZ HEVY ON FABLES. 

Wunst upon a time, a wise old rat wbose gray hares showd concloosivly to 
the most ordinary intellek the wisdom that yeers and experense kin only give, 
startid out a foragin for the wamts uv his luvd wuns 2 hum. 

He hadn't been eng-aged in this ard>L>ns dooty bu/fc a sihort time, wen he wuz 
surroundid by a small, but intensely w'.cldd boy, who 2 wunst give chase. Tihe 
wise old rat, not he"^in bin a home gard, run, and in runnin fell in2 a dry cis- 
tern, wich wuz about 17 feet deep. It wuz jest dark, and the boy seezin a 
sbingle, huv it at him. It mist its aim, and he wuz about heevin a brick, wen 
he betihunk hisself thus: 

"Hold," sez be, "he can't git out. I will let him stay, and to-niorrer I'll 
hist Nip, my tarrier, in, and it'll be hunky fun 2 see him kiU him.** 

Upon wicb, with a sardonic grin orespredin his utherwise Intellektooal 
countenanse, he strode ha"v\'tily away. 

The wales uv the entrapt wrm «oon hrot 2 tb'Sl spot his noomerus progeny 
and their mother. In agony uv' spirit, they wrung tbeir paws and cried — ** 

"Bald-hed, cum up." 

"Verily wood I," sez he, "but how? No, no, my children— it's all up with 
me. Ijet daylite return, and I'm a gon^'r. My time is sbort. Bless you, wife 
ur my buzzum — 'bless you, produx uv onr chased luv. I bed hoped 2 hev lived 
I'ong enuff 2 bev tawt yoo the neetest way uv chawin thro a cubberd, uv dodgin 
cats, and uv sucMn eggs, but fate) is t03 menny for me — I suckkum.** 

At this momenohua crisis a bevy rain sot in. 

Nof\v," sez he, "I am shoorly gone. The cistern will fill with water, and I 
sbel drown. O, honid fate, that I shood live to be a dro^Tidid rat!" 

The rane fell, and soon the bottom uv tbe cistern wuz covered. In Ms des- 
pare he notist the shingle a floatin, and in hopes uv prolongin his life a few 
momeoice, he sprang onta iit, and began disclosin to bis wife the locashen uv a 
cheese he bed disqpvered, wben observiii that the shingle bore him, he stopt 
snddently. His wife begged bim to go on, and not let so important a sekrit die 
■vvith him. 

"Shet up,** reports he, in his anshent way; 'ef this rane holds out long enufP, 
I'm ez good ez a doiseai ded rata." 



The Nasbt Letter*. 39 

* Shooii eiiTiff, It did rane tall tlie eastern wnz fuM, t!he rat mienetam« floatin 
comfortably on the Shingle. Wen it wiiz quite full, (he i)addled it to the side 
■R^itih his fore-feet (steerin with his tale,) and gaily sprang onto terry firmy, 
wioh is Latin for dry land. ♦ ♦ * 

That nite ther wiiz goy in the habit n?h en uv that rat. He gathered hia 
cAiidren about him, and tellin them the story uv his adrencher, moralizd thus 
to em: 

"Obserr, my childern, that blessins cum to us very frekently in disgise. We 
murmur at terriers, -vdch rend us with nf^tnis and dLspatdh. But mrark. Hed 
not that boy hod a rat-terrier he wood hev dispatched me with brix. Thus Is the 
evil desires uv the wickid made to work good for the saints, uv whom I aim 
which. 

"HoTV I dredid that sMngle! Yet, but for that shingle yoor dad wood hev bin 
a inannymait corpse. Troo, I am entitled to credit for my skiH in dogin it, 
but uv wat avale wood hev bin that skill he^ I hed no apportoonity 2 exercise 
Hf 

"The rane wuz to hev bin my destracshen. Blessid tv-uz the rane! The flud 
that WTuz 2 overwhelm mo, bore me on its buzzum 2 safety. 

"In concloosion. Providense alluz fumishis oppertoomties — ^he is trooly 
grate w*ho hez the branes 2 know the proper time to grab, and the nerve to do it. 
I*et Nil I>GS5pi*JfLTiando be yoor raotto, keep yer eers open, yer eyes peeled, and yer 
claws sharp, and you'll go thro life a, sailin. Remember, ther is no evil but 
is mixed with good; the wisei turn evil 2 good, while the foolish sink under it. 
Bless yoo, my dhildem— good-nite. I will seek my coudh."-' 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
liait Paster ur the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun, 

THE DISKONTENTID PEZANT. 

A ORIENTLE ALLEGORY WITH A MOREL ONTO IT. 

(Note.— The follerin is desined to Inkulkait the Ijee wr contentment with 
OUT eondishn, and to show the folly uv pinin after more good thaji nature 
Intended us ito enjoy. After ritin it, I red it mysedf, and wuz affected 2 teers 
-P. V. N.) 

Wunst upon a tiime, long afore the flud, when man wuz in his highly 
original and prime evil- stalt (wich meenes that he wuz wickeder than he> hez 
bin ever sence) uv sin and wickidnis, Abou Ben Haxiem flourisht in Abissinny, 
wich is a stait summers down East. , 

Abou Ben Hadem wuz a profit. H3 hesi bin in the profit biznis for sum 
2 hundred yeers, and wuz hunky at it It wuz currently reportid and gin- 
erally beleevd that he cood beetl enny profit in them Eastern countries, with 
wun hand tied behind him. 

Wunst on a time, jest after he "hed partaken uv his froogle brekfast uv 
porter-howse steak, stuPt't with Camden and Amboy oysters, and wuz a musin 
onto the mutability uv human affares over a pint uv Rhine wine and a m^er- 
ehaum, wun uv the pezantry uv that country approacht. 

"Art thou Abou Ben Hadam?" interrogatid the stranger. 

"I am he," replied Abou; "what wonlde-st thou with me?" 

"Behold in2 me wun who is dissatisfide mth his lot," replide the Intelli- 
gent yomanry. 

"Ali men are so, my son," retortid Abou. **I kin see aich In any grocery. 
Life is made up uv dissatisf actions. Wim wants richea, another fame; sum 



■i^ The Nasby Letters. 

chase wim fleetSn shadder, snra another: birt, alars! all er doomd 2 disappoint- 
ment. Let us inw««t in HarlcMn stox, aad dabble our munuy — we repine that 
we dident buy odl Shares, ajid treble ir. But what wouldest thoi'. V" 

"Mig-hty Ben Hadem, my name is Nerval — on the Grampian Hills my father 
fed Ms flox, a froogal swane, and when the old gentleman pegged out he 
billed em suSH 2 me. I sheer them she "p, and wash the wool, and card it and 
spin it, and wea's-e it, and make it into ;,rarmeuce. ^^'hy. .\bou, cood not nacher 
hev made my sheep to grow rolls instid iiv wool, and >aved me the trubble?" 

"My jeatle frend," replied Abou, "go thy ways. He>atz4th thy sheep gheJ 
grow rolls instid uv w^ool." 

(A week er sich a matter is sposd 2 her elap^t.) 

The sturdy yom-anry returned. 

**Wat now?" sed Abou. "Wuz not! thy desire gratified?'* 

"Yea, muchly," replide the hlgh-mindid constitooent; "the sheep grew rolls 
end good rolls, too. But, great Abou, v.-hy coodent nacher, while she wuz 
a/bout it, her made the sheep gro'w yam instid uv rolls?" 

"Go to thy najtfir mfoointins. Thy sheep she! grow tiue yam xnr mennj 
odors." 

(Another week gose by.) 

"Agin here?" aed Abou. "Artest thow not satisfide? Wat woodest thon 
now?" 

"Mty profit! aH, tilings is ez «^S7 ez turnin Jack frnm the bottom, 2 
thee. My sheep grow yam. Is it askia too much to hev them grow cloth? 
Then wood my labor ^be lightened— I shood hev but to cut it and 8ew it in2 
garmence." 

"Be it so; but bother me no more. I am che>rman uv the executir com- 
mitty uv my ward, and the elecs-hun is but 3 weeks off. Go and be satisfide 
Olotli it is." 

(A week passes by, like a dreem.) 

"Mighty Abou"— ' ' " - •= 

"How now? Thy imfportunity displeeses m^. T hev 3 times grantid thy 
desires. Wat wantest thou now?" 

"^Mighty Abou, trooly at thy biddii my Mereenos, wich I importid frum 
Vermooit, her yeeRdid rolls, and yarn, aid clotli. 'UTiy. O profit, coodent they 
jest ez well grow clothin reddy-made, with a Amerrykin watch in the fob, and 
m pocket-book, filled with greenbax an 1 a plug uv Cavendish tolwcker in the 
trousis-pokkit? Grant me but this, anV— 

"Away, ongratefiil, and let me »ee thy face no more. I gran^id thy ab- 
Bwvd. wishes, to islhow that nacher did j?st all for u.« that we needed— that the 
balance we must work out ourselves, and tliat bed she dun more we wood still 
her bin dissatiisfide. At fust, 'twas rolls, then yam, then dloth, and now yoo 
want close reddy-made. Go back. Yer shee<p grows common wool a.irn. Spos- 
in I bed gird yoo all yoo askt— wat, O miseralde, wood yoo hev bed 2 do? Yoo 
wood becum lazy, filthy, and rotten. Yoo w-ood loaf around groceries, mix in2 
pollytix, and becum a noosance to yerself and friends. Ijabor is hevin's law. 
Nacher gives us the raw material, and 2 keep us busy she requires us to 
work it into shape. Nacher gives us korn — it is our dooty 2 make it in2 whis- 
ky, and sich other produx ez go to susfcane life. Withiout labor life is a cuss; 
with it wo air happy. A bizzy man haznt time to reflect upon wat a mizzable 
ciiss he is, wich reflexion in mem ur hi^h minds wood lead to sooiside. Go Ihy 
w«y«. Be rirchus and yool be happy.** 

MoreL — iE^npIoyEaemt ur wun kind er anoitlier is a necessity. For my y^^t 



The Nasbv Letters. 41 

r keep mrsclf bizzy tn ^ttSn a liviu orf uv other tHxyple's labor, and. In these 
dejrenerdte dr.ys. it's jest all I kin do. 

Moral Number 2,— The more we git, the rano-fl we -vrant. (Wieh is now.) 

rirruoLEUM v. nacby, 

LaJt Paster uv the Church uv the Xoo Dispensashun. 
AFTER THE OCTOBER ELECTIONS, 1865. 

Saint's Rest, (wid^ is in the Stait uv Noo Gcrsey), 

^. Avvv f October the 11th. 1S65. 

CMllo, Ablishii! 

Penn sy 1 va ny , Abli ^ n ! 

Noo CJersey, not eggsackly Ablishn. but approacMn thereunto. 
Sich is the encourapin new^ I read in tlhe newsimpers this mornin! Sich Is 
tike result uv labors Hercoolian, in the above-n.xm©d Staits, WTiat do the 
people mean? 

The pure Dimokrasy. probably, will carry Noo York; but uv what conso- 
lation is that to me? The two parties, the old, anshent Dimokrasy and the 
Abhshn, rim a rat-e iu2 the realms uv Radikaliam, and the Dimokrasy beat them 
over a leng-th. With a platform standin by Johnson, endorsdn his auti-slaivery 
noshens. his Sutjiern oppression noshens, his hangin uv Mrs. Surratt, et settry. 
and on that platform a soljo^r who never votid a Dimekratik ticket in his life, 
who went into the war a "Radikle Ablisihnist, and wbo cum out a Rad'.kle Ab- 
Hshnist, I don't know that I hev much much tio choose atween em. 

Last wvsek I wuz invirid into a county in Noo York, to address a Dimekra- 
tik meetin. I acceptid (ez ray expensis were paid, wich is cheeper and better 
boardin than I get at the groseries to hum), and akkordinly I went. I com- 
ment deliverin the speech I bed yoosed all over Noo Gersey. I commenst 
abusin the* nierg-er, wfcen the cheerman interruptid me. 

"WoM," sez 1, "wat is it?" rather angrily, for I grit warmed up and a sweat- 
in, and don't like to be interruptid. 

"^'STiy," sed be, "our oonstooshn allows a mg-ger wbo "hez $250 to vote, 
and most uv em hev that sum, and we make it a pint to sekoor em." 

"They're a d— d site better off than most uv us white Dimekrats in Noo 
Gersey," retortid I> a droppin the nigger and goin on agin President Johnson. 
"Stop," whispered the cheerman; "our platform endorses President John- 
«on." 

"Thunder!" remarked I. droppin President Jolmson, and slidin easily into 
a wiggerus deuunsiation uv the war. 

"Good GoAl" sez the cheerman, "stop! Our platform endorses tho war." 
I sed nuthin this tiuie, but coromenst denouucin the debt. 
"Hold!" sed the cheerman; "easy— e' sy— our platform backs up the debt" 
"Well, then,'* i-ed I, in a rage, "w'ny in blazrv- didn't joj send me a copy 
ur yoor platform when yoo wantid me to address yco? Go to thunder and 
make yoor own speeches;" and I stawked off the platform. 

Time wuz when wun speech wood d # a man all over the Nortb. Now yoo 
hev to hev a diffrent wun for every Stait. wich makes it impossible for me to 
travel, for wun effort per season is eiuiff for me. 

But, ez I wuz a sa>in, we are beat agin, and beat badly— beat on issues 
uv our own makin— beat with taxes. boi.ds, war debt, and nigger equality all 
In our favor. Don't say to me that we redoost their majorities. What dif- 
frence does it make ta a defeatid candidate, whether the majority agin him Is 
one thousand or one hundred? A needle will kill a man ez effectooaUy ez a 
broadsword, ef it's stuck in the right place. So" a majority uv wun is enuff. 



42 • The Kasby Leti?eR8. 

I hev known men to hold orfises four years, aaid hev good appetites, on a ma 
joiity uv w'un. It's the oi-fises ■we "wuz a goin for — ^it's them our patriots wan 
tid, and it's no consolation to them to say they mist by a small luajority! 
It's a holier mioekeiy — .the same ez tho you'd show a starvin man a loaf uv 
bread jest inside uv iron bars — ^his fingers are not a inch froml it, but, so far 
ez his crarin stumick is concerned, it mite ez well be across the boundless 
ocean. 

We may recover from this backset, but I hev my fears. The peeple is ez 
&toopid ez ever, and our leeders is ez akoot ez ever; but alas! the fact that 
we hev failed In every thing we hev undertook, for four years, is gettin thro 
the hair uv thousands, and they look as leant ad us. 

Be it ez it may, it makes but litble diffrence to mie. A few years, and I 
shel go hentz. Ef the Bible la troo, I ^el go where I will find a heavy Dime- 
kratik majority, shoor; ef it is not, and there is no hereafter, why, then« at 
last, I shel be oo a level with the best, 

"So let the wide world wag e7t it will," 
ril keep on the even tenor uv my way, tiikin fmy nips ez often ez I kin find a 
confidin sole who hez more money than diskro.^hun. 

PETKOLEUM V. NASEY, 
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun. 

' ' ' AFTEE THE JSEW JER.JEY ELECTION, 1865. 

(The oarrying of New Jersey by the Republicans in 1865 was a Bevere 
blow to tihe Demjocracy. It wuz about the last of thedr strongholds.) 

Saint's Rest, (wieli is in the Stait uv Noo Gersey), 

November 9, 1865. 

Never wuz I in so pleasant a frame uv mind ez last night. All wuz peace 
with me, for after bein buffeted about the world for three skore years, at 
last it seemed to me ez tho forohune, tired uv persekootin a uacorchnit be!n. 
bed taken me into favor. I bed a .solemn promise from the Dirnekratik State 
Ce'iitral Conimitty in the great State uv Noo Jersey, that ez soon ez our can- 
didate for Governor wuz dooly elected, I shO'>d hev the po.sition uv Door- 
keeper to the House uv the Lord (w'ch in this State means the Capitol, and 
widh is certainly beitter than dweilin in tihe tents uv wicked grosery keepei's, 
on tick, ez I do), and a joodlshus exhibition uv this promise had prokoored 
for ime uniimited facilities for boiTeriii, wich I improved. 

On Wednesday nite I wuz sittin in my room, a enjoyln the pleasin reflection 
thart; in a few days I should be placed above want and beyond the contingencies 
uv fortune. Wood! oh, wood! that I bed died then and there, before that 
dream uv bliss wuz roodly broken. A wicked boy come, runnin past with a 
paper which he hed brot from the next town, where there lives a man who 
takes one. He flung it thro the window to mo, and passed on. I opened it 
oagerly, and glanced at tihe hed lines!" 

Noo Jersey — 5,000 Eepdblikin. 

One long and piercin ishriek wuz heard thro that house, and wen the in- 
mates rushed into the room ithey found me inanimate od the floor. The fatal 
paper lay near me, explainin the cause uv the caty>strophe. The kind-hearted 
Ir-ndlord, after feelin uv my pockets and diskiverin that the contents there^jf 
wood not pay the arrearages uv board, held a hurried consultation with his 
wife as to the propriety nv bringing mo to; he insLstin that it wnz the only 
chance ut gittin what wous o^in them — she insistin ef I wuz bning to 



Thi Kasbt Lxttsba. 43 

rd go on runniii np the bill big'g'er ajid bigger, and nerer 
pay at last. "VMiile they wuz argooin the matter, pro and con, I 
happened to g"it a gt>od snivel iiv* his breath, wieh restored me to conscious- 
ness to wansft, without further assistance. 

When in trouble .my poetic sole all iz finds vent in song. Did ever poet 
uho delited in tombs, and dark, r ^li i streams, and consumption, and blight- 
tnl hopes, and decay, and sich themes, erer hev sleh a pick uv subjects ez I 
hev at this time? The f€>llerin may be a consolation to the few Dimekrats uv 
Ihe North who hev gone so far into Copperheadism that they can't change 
their base: 

A Wale! 

In the mcmin w« go forth rejoicin in our streaigth — !n the evenin we are 
bustid and wilt! 

Man bom uv woman (and most men are) is iiv few days, and them is so 
full uv trouble that it's scarcely worth while bein bom at all. 

In October I waded in woe knee-deep, and now the Avaters uv afflickshun 
are about my chin. / 

I look to the East, and ^lassachoosetts roUs in Ablishn. 

To the West I turn my eyes, and Wisconsin, and Minnesota, and lUinoy 
ansers — Abli shn. 

Southward I turn ray implorin gaze, and Marrland send5_in'eetin — Ablishn. 

In New York we had em, for lo! we run a soljer, who fought valiantly, and 
we put him on a platform, v.ich stunk with nigger — yoa, th3 savor thereof 
wuz louder than the Ablishn platform ilself. 

But behold I the people jeer and flout, and say **The platform stinketh loud 
enough, but the smeU thereof is not the smell uv the Afiikin — it is of the rot- 
ten material uv wich it is composed, aaj the corrupshun they hev placid upon 
it," — and New York goes Ablishn. 

Slo-^um held hisself up and sed, "Come and buy." And our folks bought 
him and his tribe, but he getteth not his price. 

Noo Jersey— Abli shun ! ! 

Job's cattle wuz slain by murrain, and holler horn, and sich, and, not livin 
near Noo York, the flesh thereof he cood not seU. 

But Job bed suthin left— still cood he spII the hides and tallow! 

Lazarus hed sores, but he had dorgs to lick them. 

Noo Jersey wniz the hide and tallow uv the DimocrLsy, and lo! that is 
gon. 

What little is left uv the Dimocrasy is aU soo^, but where is the dorg so 
low ez to lick it? 

Noo Jersey wuz our ewe lamb — lo! the strong hand uv Ablishnism hez 
taken it. 

Noo Jers:^y wuz the Ar3Tat on wich our ark rested — ^behold the dark waves 
uv Ablishnism hev swept over it! 

Darkn.«s falls over me like a pall — ^the shadder uv woe encompasseth 
me. 

Down my furrowed dheeks rolleth the tears uv angnish, varyin in size 
from a large pea to a small tater. 

Noo Jersey will vote for the Const joshn el Amendment, and lo! the nigger 
will possess the land. 

I see horrid visions. 

On the C^jmden and Amboy, nigger brakesmen! and at the poUs, niggers! 

VNliere shall we find refuge? 



•^4 TUK Na.^BY LKTTKa*. 

Ifi tht) North? Lx)! it is bane.' agin ivs by Ablislmisra. 
Ill the South V • . their eyo- ih^ N M-iherri Coppeiliwul findeth no fcivor. 
• i. Mexico? There is war there, an.l we might be drafted. 
Who will deliver us? ^\Tio vsill pluelv us from the pit into wich wt? her 
fallen? 

T\Ti«re I ^hall go the Lord only knows, but my imipression is, South Car- 
Kny will be my future home. Wade Hampton is elected Croveraor, certin, and 
in that noble State, one may perhaps preserve enough uv the old Dimokratik 
States Ritis to leaven the whole lump. 

"I'm aflote— I'm aflote 
On the dark rollin sea." 

And into what hai-bor fate will drive my weather-beaten bark, the under- 
Kgned can not trooiy say. 

Noo Jersey— farewell ! The world m^v stand it a year or two, but I doubt 
it 

Mounifly and sndlv. PETKOLEIJM V. NASBY, 

Lait Paster nv the* Church uv t&ie Noo Dispensafthun. 

A CHANGE OF BASE— KENTUCKY. 

CJonfedrit X Roads (wicJh is in the Stait uv Kentucky), 

December 9, 1865. 

Here in the ^reat State uv Kentucky, the last hope uv Democrisy, I hev 
pitched my tent, and here I propose to 1 ly these old bones when Deth, who hez 
a miortgage onto all uy us, sha:ll see fit to foreclose. I didn't like to leave Wash- 
intom. I love it for its memories. Thei«e stands the Capitol %shere the Presi- 
dent makes his appointments; there is tho Post Orfis Depa:rtn)ent, where all the 
Postmasters is appinted. There it wn-c that Jaxon rooletl. I hed respect for 
Jaxon. I can't say I loved him. for he never used us rite. He hated the 
^\Tiigis ez bad ez we did, but after we beat em and elevated him to the Presi- 
dency, the stealins didn't come in ez fast ez w€( expected. Never shel I forget 
the compliment he paid me. Jest after bis election I presented myself afore 
him with my papers, an applicant for a place. He read em, and scanned me 
with a critic's eye. 

"Can't yoo make yoose uv sich a mm ez me?" sez I, Inquiiinly. 

"Certainly," sez he; "I kin and alliiz hev. It's sich ez yoo I use to beat 
the Whigs with, and I am continually a-;tonisihed to see how much work I ao- 
coraplish with sich dirty tools. My dear sir," sed he, pintin to the door, 
"when I realize how many sich cnsses ez yoo there is, and how cheap they 
kin be bought up, I really tremble for the Republic." 

I didn't get the office I wanted. 

Yet ez much ez I love Washinton, I wius forced to leare It. I mite her 
stayed there, hurt; the trooth is, the planks uv that city and the pavements are 
harder, and worse to sleep on, than th^se uv any other odty in the United 
Stairts. I hed lived two mo-nths by pas-^in myself off ez Dimekratic Congress- 
men, but that cood only last a short timt.*, there not bein many uv that per- 
suasion here to personate. I hed gone the rounds uv the House ez often ez 
it wu^ safe, and one nite oouunenced on the Senate. Goin into Willard's, I 
called for a go uv ^n, wich the gentlemanly and urbane bar keeper sot afore 
me, and I drank. "Put it down with the rest uv minie," sez I, "with a impres- 
sive wave uv the hand. 

"Yoor name?" sez ho. 

Aasoconin a intellectual look, I retorted, **Do you knpow Ghardes Sunmer?" 

Here J overdid it; here vaultin ambition o'orle&ped herself. Hed I 



The Nasbt Lrm«a. 45 

sed "Saiilsburr/* it mite her ansered. but to pire Sum- 
ner's mine for a drink uv g M wuz a pee<"e uv lunacy for wich 1 
can't aceount. I wnz ijsmominiuusly kicked into the street. Drinks obtaimd 
at the expense uv l>ein kicked is cheap, but I don't want em on them terms; 
my pride revoltid. and so I emigrated. 

I found here a diurcli bnildiii. uv which the oon^egation had bin mostly 
killed in bushwhackin expod'.tiaus. auil announcin myself nz a coastooshnel 
preacher from Xoo Jersey, succeeded in drawin together a highly respectable 
awjence last Sunday. 

T^akin for my text the passage, "The wages uv sin is death," I opened out 
ez foHo^vs; 

"Wat is sin? Sin. my beloved hearers, is any deviashen frjim yer normel 
condlsihn. Yoor beloved pastor hez a stumick and a head, wich is in close sym- 
pathy with each other, so much so; indeed, that the pilncipcil bizuis nv the 
liead is to fill the stmmick, and mighty close work it's been for many years, yoo' 
bet. I^t yoor beloved pastor drink, uv a nite, a quart or two more than his 
usual allo\\'a.noe. more than his stumick absolootly demands, and his head, 
aiwells \\ith inddgnashen. The excess is sin. and the ache is the penalty. 

"The wages uv san is doattt! Punishment aud sin is ez uuseperable ez the 
xhadder is from the man — one is ez sha:>r to foller the other ez the ass: ssor is 
vo come around — ez nite is to foliar day. The Dimekratic party, uv wich I 
iim a ornament, hez experienced the trooth uv this text. When Duglas 
<i witched off, he sinned, and ez a consekence, Linkin wuz electid, and the 
•sceptre departed from Israel, ^^'hen — " 

At this pint in the discourse, a old man in the back part uv the house 
Ariz and interruptid me. He s.d he hed a word to say on that subjik wl-ich 
ojust be sed, and ef I interrupted him till he got through, he'd pumb my 
hed, wher3upon I let him go on. 

"Trooly," sez he, "the wages uv sin is death. I hev alluz been a Dime- 
crat. The old Dimocracy hez bin in the sendee uv sin for thirty years, and 
the assortment uv death it hez received for wages is trooly surprlsin. Never 
did a party commence bettter. Jaxon wuz a honist man^ who knew that right- 
eousnis wuz the nashen's best holt. But he died, and a host uv tuppenny i)oli- 
ticians, with his great name for capital, jumped into his old clorhes, and 
undertook to run the party. Ef the Dimocracy cood hev electid a honist man 
every fourth or fifth term, they mite hev ground along for a longer period, 
but alass! Jaxson wuz the last uv th it style we hed, and so many dlshouist 
cusses wuz then in the Capitiil that hi^gliost coodent watch the half uv them 

"The fust in^stallment uv death we r -eeeved wuz when Hariisoii beat us. 
The old pollitishens in our party didn't mind it, for, sez they, 'The Treasury 
woodeut hev bin wuth much to ns anyhow after the suckin it has experienced 
for twelve years; it n3eds four years uv rest.' We electid Polk, and here it 
wuz that Sin got a complete hold uv u^. Anshent compacts made with the 
devil ^^-uz alluz ritten in blood. We made a contract v*dth Calhoon:sm, and that 
wuz written in blood \Nic-h wuz shed in ^Mexico. ' Here we sold ourselves out, 
boots and britches, to the cotton Dim:>cricy, and don't our history ever since 
prove the trooth rrv the text, 'The wages uv sin is death?' O, ray friends! in 
wat hea\T in-stalments. and how regularly, hev these wages bin paid us! 

"Our men uv character commenst leavin us. Silas Write kicked out, 
and wood hev gone over agin us hed he not fortunately died too soon, and 
skores uv others foUowcKl soot. Thing? went on until Pierce wuz elected. The 
Devil (wic^ is cotton), whom we wuz servin, hrot Kansas into the rin«, 
aud wat a scatterin ensood. 



46 The Nasby LEmiui. 

Agin, the men ut character got out, and gradually but shoorly the work 
uv death went on. Biookaimon wuz elected, but wuz uv no yoos to us. After 
Peerse hed run the machine four yeers, wat wuz there left? Eko ansers. 
Anofher af tin foMered, and the old party wich wunst boasted a Jaxson hed g )t 
down to a YaUandi^um. The Devil, to 'W'ich we hed sold ourselves, wood not 
let lis off with tMs, however. 'The wag -s uv sin Is death,' and we hed not re 
seeved full pay ez yet. He instigatid S nith Karliny to rebel; he ind>osed the 
other Democratic States^ to f oiler; he forced the Northem Democrisy to support 
em. and so on. That wuz the final stroke. Diekinson, and Gass, and Dix, 
a-nd Todd, and Log-an, all left \is, and wim by wun tihe gaflaxy uv Northern 
stars dis.\ppeared from the Democratic* firmament, leaving: Noo Jersey alone, 
and last fall, my bi'ethren, she sot in gloom. 

"Oh, how true it is! We served sda faithfully, and where are we? We 
went to war for slavery, and slaveiw is; dead. We fit for a confederacy, and 
th& confe<:leracy is dead. We fit for States Rites and Stats* Jlites is dead. And 
Dimocricy tied herself to all these corpses, and they hev stunk her to death. 

"Kentucky went heavy into the sin biznis, and whar is Kentucky? 
We sent onr men to the confedrit army, and none uv em 
cum back ceptin the skulkers, who comprised all uv that class 
wich we wood hev bin glad to hev killed. Linkin wantid to hev us fr€^e 
our niggers, and be obmpenisatid for em. We held on to the son uv niggers, 
and now they are takin from us with nary a compensate. In short, 
niggers is gone, my plantashen here hez fed alternately both armies, ez they 
cavorted backerds and forrerds through the Stait; my bouse and bams wuz 
burnt, and all I hev to show for my property is Confedrilt money, which is 
a very dead artdde uv death. I know mot what the venerable old sucker 
in the pulpit wuz a goin to say, but ef he kin look over this section uv the 
heritage, and cant preach a elokenit sermon on that text, he aint much on the 
preach. I'm done." 

Uv coarse, after a ebulition of tliis kind, I coodn't go on. I dismist th- 
awdiencG with a benedickshun, hjpin to get em together when sich prejudiced 
men aint present. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashut 

THE SITUATION—TIIE DEMOCRACY WAENED. 

(The Democraitic leaders were in great doubt in 1866 as to the policy < f 
adopting President Johnson, and Pre'si.lent Johnson was for a tiiae 
m dioubt aa to the propriety of adoptin Democracy. The Pies- 
ident wanted the Democracy, but ho also desired to re ain 
in has party the "conservative" Republicans, and therefore at 
tlie beginnii.g of his trouble his appointments were all made /rom 
the latter dlass, much to the disgust of the former.) 

Coufedi-it X Roads (wioh is in the Stait uv Kentut fcy), 

February 15, 18*36. 

I hev tied hopes uv Androo Joihnson. My, waitin sole hez bin centrf^d onto 
Mm for a year ba-ck. He wuz the Moses wich I si)eotid wood lead the Dim- 
ocrisy mit uv the desolate Egypt into which we hev bin makin bricks <\nthout 
straw foU five long weary and dreary years. O, (how I hev yearned for John- 
son! O, how I hev waited, day after day, and week after week, antl month 
after montSi, for some mianifestatiom uv Dimocrisy wicih is satisfactor/— Ruthin 
tfintgible — sutMn thjat I cood take hold on. 

Fiftith ia t2ie subetaxroe ut ifhings hope>d far, and t3ie evidence uv 'things not 



The Nasbt Letters. 47 

•een; wMi is all rfte so far ez religion is con<jerned, but ur no account in jkjII- 
^x. A friend uv mine, who wuz a mouomaniao on ttie snbjeck uv faitb, un- 
dertook to lire on it, under the insane belieif that ez a man had faiitJi, pork -wnz 
unnecessary, Wuz the experiment a success? Not any. TMien he oommenst 
the trial he weighed 200; in a week he wuz do"vvn to 125T'and in fourteen days 
he slept in the valley! 

I hev bin lirin on faitb for a year or more, ajid I too am tMn My bones 
show; light shines through one; I am faint and sick. O, for suthin that I can 
see and feel — suthin solid! 

Our Dimocratic newspapers are supportin Aiidroo Johnson. They <daim 
thart; his policy is our policy; that he is oum, and we are hizn. Thej are sing- 
in hosanners to him. At his every act they exclaim Halleiloogy! in chorus. 
"VMiat is it all about? In what partikler bez Androo Johnson showed liisself 
to be a Dimokrat? In the name uv Dimocrisy let me ask, ""Where is the of- 
fices?" TMio got em? What is the po.iikle convieshims uv the wretch who 
is the post master at the Corners, and who only last nite refused, in the most 
heartless manner, to trust me for "postage stamps? \Mio is the Collectors, the 
Assessors, et settry? Are thi^y const itooshn el Dimokrats? Is Stanton, and 
Seward, and AYelles his ted out uv the Cabinet, and Yallandlgum, and Brite, 
and Wood appinted in their places? Not onct. Every post master, every col- 
lector, every assessor, every officer, is a Ablishni?t, dyed deeply and in fast 
colors. 

Faith without works is a weak institution; its like a wliisky puncb with the 
whisky omitted, wich is a disgustin maxter ur warm water and sugar. What 
is it to me (who bev bin ready to a;ccep!: any position uv wich rJhe salary wua 
sufficient to maintain a individooal uv simple habits) who is beheaded, so 
ez I don't get a place? Androo Jobiison may cut olT otHshl heads as dex- 
terously and profoosely ez he chooses; but my sole refuses to thrill when I 
know that Ablishnists, though uv a different stripe, will be apinted. So long 
ez Dimokrats are kept out. Avat care I who hez the places? Paul may plant 
flnd Apollus water; but uv what account is the plantin and waterin to me 
ef I don't get the increase? I take no djlight in sioh spectacles. Ef Androo 
Jobnson proposes to be a Dimokrat — ef he desiree the bonest, bearty support 
uv the party — ^let him seel his faith with works. 

I visiJted Washington with tbe exprc^ss purpose uv seein the second Jackson. 
I am a frank man, and I laid fae matter afore him - without hesitation. I 
told him that the Post ^Master at the Comers wuz opposin his palicy and aboos- 
in him continually; that it wuz a outrage that men holdin place under tbe 
Administration should not sustain the Administration, In tihe name uv right, 
I demanded a cnange. 

I sposod that to-wungt the position would be offered me; and that after 
protestin a sufficient time that I did not wish it, and wood prefer tbe appint- 
ment of some more worthy man, I should accept it and go home provided for 
three years. Imagine my deep, my unuttenable disgust, when be told me that 
be wood investigate the matter, aud probably wood make a change, prvoided 
he oood Snd, in the vicinity, some original Union man who wood accept tbe 
place. 

Then the iren entered my soul. Then I felt that in him we had no lot 
nor part. 

Our principles are uv a very eomprohensive nature. We are willin to en- 
dorse Androo Johnson, or any other man. We will endorse his theories uv Re- 
construction, or any man's theories. We are elastic, like Injy rubber. The 
boy who set a hen on a hmidred eggs ackno^vledged to bis matOTnal paxeat 



48 The iNAaiii Llitteka, 

that she cood not kirer era; but he remarked he wantid to see the old thing 
spred herself. We hev that siiredin capacity. We kin «.ocoimmodate the prt^ju- 
dices uv the people uy all th'e various 1 jcalities. In Ooumectieut we are ^iIl;;in 
Jahn Brown'is body lies a mouldrin iu the grave, in a modritly loud tone, and 
supportiu a Abflishnist who votid for doin away with slavery in the District of 
Oolumiby, and for the Oonsti'toos.hnel Amendroeat, In Kentucky we are hangiu 
men uv the John Brown sty^e, and mob Mm all ur the persuasion uv the Ck>n- 
neoticut nominee. Sidh a variety uv principie— a party uv sich adaptibiiity — 
kin hev but on© great central idee, on wich there is mo divensity uv opiniiofn, and 
to which all other ideas is sv.bordinate. That idea is Post Office! and ef An- 
droo Johnson oo«id be got rite on that question, we'd care not wat els© he re- 
quired uv UlS. 

We hev our arrmis around Androo. Wo are huggin him to our buzzums; 
but ho hez left hi« baggage to hum. That bag-gage is wat we want; and tv*. 
she! fling him off shortly, onless he ohang^es his poQicy in this respedk. H«v 
kin lliev us on easy terms; but he must furnish the ajmimunislhun witih vi'fhieli 
to fighit tihe battles. Will he do it? That's the" question a hundred thoufsanti 
hun^i7 sole®, who hanker even ez I do, are daily askin. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBT, 
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo DispensaishuiL 

THE PEESIP/ENT'S SPEECH, FBBEUARY 22. 

(That famioUiS, oqp iiather infanoious, speech of the 22d of February, 1866, 
settled the statuis 0(f President Johnson, and indicated dearly his purpose o.<^ 
turning his baok upon the loyal men of the ooijntry. He continued, however . 
to appoint Repuiblioans to office, and refused to oommit himself sipecificall)' 
to the I>emocrac!y. The real Republicans abandoned him from that nwwnent.l 

Wa^ngton, February 23, 1866. 

I don*t know, but €here is a still small voice within me wichi whispers, "Afri 
is well!" The deliisave phantom, Hope, may be playin false with me. Tho 
■wish may be paternal parient to the thought, and I may be indulgin in a drean> 
from wich I shel be, to-morrer, roodly awakened; but it's my opinion that thf 
day- star uv glory hez ariz onto the Dimocracy; that our nite uv gloom is ovev 
and that, art; last, the G-overnment, or at least the only part we oaro about — tbi 
offisis is oum. I heerd Andro Johnson speak last nite! I stood beside MitJi 
I helpt hold Mm up! I smelt his breath. lit'® all rite! 

I hed hopes when he vetoed that large and varied assortment uv Ablish^ 
abominashens — ^the Freedmen's Boirow bill— {aotvx'fithsitiajidiju |there weire 5>int« 
in Ms message! I coodent sanction. The veto wnz hevenly, but his reasons were 
unsound. When he expressed hisself ez bedn determined upon sekoorin the' 
mggers in their rites, I felt fearful that there wuz a honisit difference uv opinion 
atween him and Congress wich miitg be settled, end then wat wood be- 
come uv us? Ef the niggers is to hev rites, in fche name uv Heaven, I asked 
mj'self.what difference does it make to us whether they hev em by Charles 
Sumner's system (on whoise head rest cjsses!) or A. Johnson's? And ez is cus- 
tomiai-y when men ask theai'selves questions I got no anser. Men never ask 
theimelves questions wich kin be ansered. 

But last nite my doubts wuz removed. Uttie Sam Oox, and Dan Voor- 
hees, and the Woods, and me, hed bin with Androo all day. The Ablishnista 
avoided him after the veto; and knowin he'd done suthin he wuzn't quite 
shoor wuz wise, he needed bracin up, and we wuz ready to brace him. Isn't 
it singler that men, when they* go to the devil, alluz go in squads? Coct hed 
hina cornered all day, a readin to him extrax from Forney's Press, anud 



The Nasby LETXERg. 49 

choice seleodoDB from Sunmer's sp^oecbes; and Voofoees and tlhe others wuz a 
intimatin to him that only in the buz aim uv the Dimocrisy oaod he find that 
oongeniality uv spent so nessary to him; and by the time the seranade wuz ready 
he wuz ez full uv renom ez wuz possible, and liis capacity in that line is immense. 

The company all went with him onto the stand, and my eyes saw the first 
ciieerin vision wich they hev beheld for yeers. Before us stood ten tihousand oir 
more Dimocrart:s. There wuz the veteran from Lee's army, in has soot uv gray, 
which hed, by oonitinued contact with the pavements uv Wajshington— wicii, not 
hevin bin slept on much, sense Boolean nou' 9 time, they don't sweep — ^beoom 
somewhat uv the color uv the clay. There wuz the offiser wlio surrendered 
with Johnston, and them noble sons uv Baltimore, and Rawly, and Charles'- 
ten, who, thoug'h they didn't serve their section in the field, were ardent in the 
support uv the cause. There wer<^ the old-stile Dimtocrats uv the North, whose 
faith in Johnson's Dimocrisy, based upon the scene wich took place at the in- 
auguration, wuz greater tl^n mine, hed come with thedr apppli cations for 
Post Oflises. and who jined so heartily in the cheers wich went up feff J. 
Davis; and there, addressin this crowd, wuz a President— the iman who had 
the appintin power in his hands— who cood make and unmake Post Iklasters! 

It did me go?)d, and yet I doubted. Wood he go through with it? Wood 
ho lock horns -svith Wade and Sumner, and dare the wrath uv Thad Stevens? 
Wood he? He wavered and shrunk back ez" he saw the style uv the awdience 
before him; for he hed bin, for four years, accustomed to better dressed people. 
Biut Cox wuz ekal to the emergency. Samyooei wfhispered irfto his ear, 
"Charles the I!" * and flamin up like a conflagratid oil well, he waded In. 
Then I felt that it wuz aU right. Then my soul expanded ; and ez he went on. 
pilin BUlinsgate upon Billinsgate, usin Tennessee stump slang, improved 
by a liberal mixture uv the more desprit variety he hed picked up in Washin- 
ton and Baltimore, I felt that it wuz indeed well with us. He wnz talkin as a 
Dimokrat to Dimokrats; and it wuz appreciated. Stripiwn off all the disgiiis 
he hed bin wt-arin for four years — ^wasihin off, in rage and whisky, the varnish 
and putty with wich he hed shin<?d up his dullness, and filled up the cracks 
and cavities widh hed aUuz troubled him— 'he stood forth ez we knowd him— 
Androo Johnson! How he did froth and foam! How he did lash his lait as- 
sociates! and how those Dimokrats who came to Washinton with petitions for 
places in their pockets did wink at each other, and poke each ol^er in the ribs, 
with exultation and jocularity wich they cood not conceal! And how the Ab- 
lishnists, wich hung onto the outskirts iiv the cr>wd, in the hope that he wood 
declare himself in sach a way ez to give em some hope, did walk away sorrow- 
fuil and sore, ez tho they felt that they hed a new trouble afore em! And 
how the soljers uv Lee, and the quartermasters wich hed made Richmond their 
headquarters doorin the war, did cheer and sling their hats Into the air, and in 
the uncontrollable enthoosiasm uv the moment invariaMy snatched better onee 
from the heads uv the Northern men in the crowd! It wuz gorgus! 

WTiile His I^gslency's course gives me hope, I don't want it to be undei^ 
stood that I am prepared to fully and entirely indorse him. I don't go much 
on men who do things in a state uv madnis; neither do I invest heavy In that 
Dimokrat wich re<iuires an extra load uv likker to make him act and talk 
like a Dimokrat Androo Johnson wuz and is a Dimokrat— a ginoo- 
wine Dimokrat. The accident uv his leamin to read. In hia 
yooth, gave him a pre-eminence over ua in Tennessee, and 



• Mr. Sumner, in a speech, spoke of Presid<>nrt; Johnson as the American 
'Charlea L" 



^0 The Nasby Letters. 

put him tlmjiugli tih© rarioins places he hez filled. His aflaiiitie« 
wuz T^lth us; tiis styled wuz our style, aud his habits our ha;bits; aad he hed no 
bi'.rnis to ever ^t out uv the fold. I caimat forget that he A^eiit back ou us at 
a critikle time in the history uv the party. He saw that the effort tht> Dimoc- 
rasy uv the S.ourt:h wuz makin to regaiu their rites wood be a failure; the 
arCstocrOrcy uv the South hed snubbed him, and ref oozed to recog-nize Km; but 
all this shood nothev affectid him. It's the normal con dish n uv the lowor 
grade uv Di mole rats to be snubbed; and they hev no rite to inquire whetlier any- 
tbiug the aiistocracy uv the party propose is goia to be a failure or not. It's 
t±>eir doaty to obey oaxiers without quesiuoniug. 

Wat spiled Johnsion wuz Massacho osits. He pretended to be loyal, and 
Massich>osit5 patted him ooi the back. They took him into go^od society. They 
let him associate v.ith Sumner and sich, and the man Ibecamfi infatuated. 
He got to drinkiji high priced diinks, a:)d wearin clean shirts, and began to 
apo the manners uv, those into whose sj)here ho hed bin thrown. There wuz 
these two opposin forces contendin ngainst him — nateral procilivities and ac- 
quired tastes— A^^ch may be repres^rated by whiskey out uv a jug and miiit 
ju'leps at ^Villard's. Massac-hoosits wuz a p\iUin him up, and North Carolina 
wuz a puUiu him dmvn. He wantid to stay with Massacflioo-sits, but he wuz 
i-noomfortable all the time; and finally nachar asserted her supremacy, and 
he broke over, and like the Avater long confined in a dam, when it's bustid its ob- 
sftructions, and goes^ it goes with a looseness, ami tears up, and takes a very 
large quantity uv dirt and drift WfX)d with it. 

Before I tiie myself to A. J., I want bo know for oea-tin what he proposes 
to do. Who is to hev the Po^-vt Ofiisls? Is Ablishoists to stiU retain the places 
uv trust and profit? Does he propose t:j organize a ne-w party, made up uv 
sich Republikins ez he can indoose to follo-r Mm and the Dmuokrisy? Ef so, I 
ain't in. Dpoidcnlly, I ain't in. Emphatically, coamt me out. For the reason 
that he kin git ji.st ennflf Rrnpublikins, p-ecisely, no more, to fill the offisis„ and 
they will be uv sir-li a chara<:rtt'r ez wTil do the Dimocrasy no credit. I won't 
be tail to no kite. We are wlllin to pay kite; but tail, never! Ef we boost , 
Androo Johnsion. Androo .Johnson must boost us. Does he think we kin carry 
sdch a load ez he is for nothin? Nary. Ef we hev a oonsoomin desire to git 
along without ofiisis, we are doiu very well at tihait now, we thank yoo? and 
we haven't the resiK>nsibility uv the Administration uv a extremely shaky man 
to carrj'. Sifh loads must be paid for. 

But, after all, I h^v hopes. He hez out hisself loose from Sumner and 
Stevens; and in less than a week every Republikin uv modrit sensibilities will 
be aboozin him to that extent that he won't be able to git back agin. He's a an- 
'irnal uv the bidl kind; and criticism and opposttion is to him the red flcig wich 
the Spanish matadors w'ave afore the animals they wish to infooriate, and 
they may drive him into our ranks. 

I wait, and watch, and. hope. Ef I kin wunst git a oomrniSision, with the 
broad seel uv the Postmaster General onto it,' confirmin me in the possession 
uv the po'St orfis at the Oomers, I shel bless the day that Androo Johnson 1 .ft 
lis, and prokoored his elevaCian to the Pix^idency. May the day be hasten^Nl! 

PETPvOLEUM V. NASBY, 
Lait Paster uv the Ohurch uv the Noo Dispensashun. 

A KEXTUCKY TEA PARTY. 

(The poor whites at the South wor3 made to believe that Hannibal Ham- 
lin w^as a mulatto, and that Charles Summer married a negress. The Ofpindon 
beW by this dasa of Mr. Sumner i» fairly stated in tlhe text.) 



fss Masbt tiirpyfi. II 



CoEiedrit X Ro*^ (-wicb k in tSie Stait ur Kentucky), 

April 1, 1866. 
Charles Siimner is not a very populaj nuan in tWs sectian uv Kentucky; 
on t!he eontrary, quite reverse. He is kno-\vn here ez an Ablishuist; ez one who 
is a dhief supponter uv that hidjus «iu — the infidelity, I may say, for a man 
miay as well deny the whole Bible ez tci eajst discredit upon Onesimus, Plagar, 
and Hanx, onto vnch the whole system uv Afrikin slavery rests — ^the originator, 
therefore, uv the infiille heleef that Siaveiy is not uv divine origin, wich, 
judgin from the experience uv the last five years, appears to be a guinin 
ground in the North. He is not, therefore, popular in this region. 

Yisterday I attendid a tea party at Deekin Pogram's, to wich the elite uv 
the Comers wiiz present, ineltxidin an Illinoy store-keeper uv the name uv 
Po-Mock, wicTi bod bin invited because the Deekin bed, some three moutbs ago, 
Uon.ight a bill uv good;s uv h'm on ninety days' time, and wantid an extension. 
Wbile at the table en joy in the 

'"Oiip wich cheers, br:t don't intoxicate very much," 
ffl Dryden hez it (tho I bleeve, to keep off chills, in this oountry, they mix three 
ind a half parts uv whiskey to one uv tea), the name uv Sumner wuz men- 
tioned. 

Mrs. Pogram to-wunst remarked that she didn't want the nam© uv that 
lyjus creecher spoken at her table. 

"Why?" sed I, gratified at the ebulltian. 
"I hate him," sed she spitefully. 

"So do I," replied I; "but what hev yoo agin him, aside from his obnox- 
\ons poflltical opinions?" 

"Diiln't he marry a nigger?" sed Mrs. P., triumphantly. 'Didn't be many 
.» nigger — a fiTU-blooded nigger? and ht^u't he bed nineteen yaller children. 
«ivi-y one uv wich be compelled agnn their will, to many full-blood t-d niggei-s? 
Didn't he—?" 

"]Mrs. P.," sed this Ulinoy store-keeper, wich his name'it wuz Pollock, "do 
icx) object to miscegenation?" 

"iSIissee — what?" replied she, struck all uv a >!eap at the word. 
"iSIisoe^enation — ama^lgamation — marrrin whit^is with nisrgers." 
"Do I?" retorted she; "ketch a son uv mine marryin a nigger! Thoy nre 
rtnolher race; they're beasts; and -^ho'd marry em but jist sich men ez Sumner 
and them other Ablishnists?" 

"Then permit me to ask," sed this Pollock, wich wnz bound to kick up a 
muss, "ef ther's any race uv pure blood in this section uv Kentucky wich is 
yaller?" 

"No! uv course not," sed ISlrs. P.; "them yaller people ^s mulatters— half 
nigger, half white." 

"And them ez is quite white — not qnlte, but nearly so— about the coloi 
uv a new saddle, like Jane, there." sed he. pintin to a octeroon girl uv IS wich 
used to belong to the Deekin afore the isshooiu uv the infemtil proclnmashen, 
"like Jane,* there, ^"Ich is waitin on the Deekin, and— but, good Loi-d!" sed he. 
startin up like a tragedian. i 

"Wat?" shouted the company, all sitartin up. 

"Nothin," sed he; "only, now that Jane's face is in range with the Deekir's, 
^at a wonderful resemblance! She he/ the Pogram nose and ginral outline- 
uv face: not Mi's. Pogram's arLgiilaritv. but the Deekin all over. My doer 
sir," sed he. addressin the Deekin, "ef she wuzn't a ootoroon, I shood say 
%e looks enuff like yoo to be yoor dausrhter. by a finst wife, I shood say, for 
she hez not, ez I remarked, Mrs. P.'s angularity and ginerall bonenis; but ut 



52 Tkk Nasby Lktte&s. 

ocurse, she bein a part nigger the resemblance may be sot down ez-a-reiy-re- 

nii. rk able-coincidence !" 

The Deekin tumped ez white ez a sheet, and Mrs. Pogram turned ez red -w 
a biied lobster, from wich I infeiTed that there wuz trooith in a rumor I htni 
heard about ttie Deekin and his wifa bavin a mi sunders tandin about a nigger 
ii^roman and h.er baby, abooit IS years ago, widh resulted in his bein made bald- 
headed in less than a minute, and the baby's mother being sold South. The 
Illinoy store-keeper, uv the name uv Pollock, ret^oom'ed: 

"I wuz about askin wa.t them niggers is, ez is neartly white?" 

"Why, they're octoroons, or seven-eig'hts white," ®ed jSIrs. Pogram. 

"And no Kentuckian ever mrirries a mgger?" inquired tihe store-keeper, wh.o 
I saw wuz pursoodn his investigations altogettJher too far. 

"Never!" sed Mre. Pogram; "we leave that to Ablishnists.** 

"WesH, then,** sed tliis Pollock, who, I speot, wuzn't half so inn«ent ez he 
let on, "I see that yoo hev no objection to mixin wiith the nigger, proridin 
yoo don't do it legally; that amalgaraashen don't hurt nothin, providin yoo tem- 
per it Math odulteiyi Is that the idee, Mrs. Pogram?'* 

Mrs. P. wuz mad, and made no reply, and Pollock persood the subjik. 

"Jane there Is, I take it, about onc-edghth nigger. She got her white 
Mood fro'ra whites, ut course; and ez th^re coodamt be no marryin in the biznls, 
there is proof positive in her face that the 7th oommandiment hez bin violated 
about four times some^vhere in this vicinity, or wherever her maternal ances- 
tors, on her mother'ig side, may hev resided. "VMiat do yoo think about it, Dee- 
kin? Ez. a Christian, woodent it be better to marry em than to add a viola- 
tiou uv the commandment to the sin uv amalgamashen? It wood redoosc yer 
load jesit a half." 

The Deekin wnz too indignant to fepHy, and ez it involved a pint altogether 
too hefty for hlis limited intelleck, I took it up. 

"My dear sir," I remarked, "yoo don't make the proper distinctfc/n, or, 
rather, yoo don't appreciate the subjick at ail. The nigger here sustains only 
one character with us — ^thaA uv a inferior bedn, the slave uv the haugiity Cau- 
cashen, uv whom we are tlie noblest specimens; that is, the Deekin is, he bedn 
a Sutherner. I unfortunately wuz born in the North, and am a hawty Cau- 
casheu only by adoption. To marry a nigger wood be to destroy our idea uv 
soopei'iority, for we marry only our ekals. The interconrse with em, the results 
uv widh yoo see indications, bein on^^sirl'^ the pale uv matrimony, is not, ez 
yoo wood suppose, the result uv unbridlt d licentiousnis, but is merely the asser- 
tion uv our superiority. "VVTien the lordly Caucashen (uv whom the Deekin is 
widh) bids a daughter uv Ham (wioh, in the original Hebrew, signifies the 
hindquarter uv a h.og) oome to him, and she doth it not, he biMsaks her head, 
wich inculcates obedience. One is only a slave indeed when he surrenders all 
has individual rites. The female slave cannot be considered ez entirely sub- 
dooed until she hez yielded to her ownei* everything. To marry em wood be to 
elevate em; the interoourse common among us is not a sin, bein merely the 
£issertion uv that superiority wich we claim is founded on the Holy Scripter. 
See Onesimus, Hagar, and Ham." 

"Yes," sed tihe Deekin, who vruz now on the right track; "it's a assertin uv 
our sooperiority; it's a dooty every white man owes to his dass, and I, for 
one, will alluz — " 

"liOt me ketch yoo ait it, Gabe Pogram," shouted Mrs. P., "and Fll give 
yoo sich a cat-hauilin ea yoo never — drat yoor sooperiority, and yoor Ham, ,aad 
yoor Cauoashen. Niggens is niggers, and — " 

No(ticia that Mrs. Pogram hedn't quite arrived at tlhe proper pitdh uT 



The >;asbt Ljcttira. (Si 

self-sacrifice, I turned the disoussion onto Sumner agin, ez a subjik upon wich 
they oood all agree. 

I learned that his father wuz a Dutch grocery-keeper, and his mother an 
Irish washer-woman; that he run away from home at the tender age uv eight, 
after murderin, in cold blood, Ms grandparents, one ut wich wuz a Algedue 
and tother a Chinese; that he wuz appivutieod to the shoemakin biznis, and hed 
cut the throat uy his boss and his -wife, and immersed the younger children 
into a biler uv scaldin water, where they were found mostly dead seven hours 
afterward; that he acquired wealth a sdlin lottry tickets and brass clocks, 
et settry. His servants wuz redoost Southern gentlemen wich he hed 
swindled into his debt, and wich, under the laws uv Mas- 
sachoosits, coodent git away, and that his intimate friends and as- 
sociates wuz niggers, v^-ith wich he sot long at the festive board, and dnink 
champane; that Lucresha Mott wuz his sister, Ann Dickinson his daughter, 
Fred Douglas has half brother, and that he kissed, habitually, every nigger child 
he met, and frowned so severely onto white children ez to throw em into 
sj^asms, and other items uv information uv wich, livin in tlhe North, I wuz 
ignorant. Ez I remarked, he isn't popular down here, and cood hardly be 
elected to Congris from this Deestrick. The tea party broke up shortly after, 
Pollock winkin at me villainously ez be left the house, feelin good to think 
L<rw he hed opened a old sore. That Pollock needs watchin. 

PIJPROLEIIM V. NASBY, 
' Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun. 

^ ' A CKY OF EXULTATION. 

(The moment President Johnson proclaimed the war at an end, several of 
tb^ Southern States enacted law^s for the government of the negro scarcely 
lesa oppressive and absurd than those suggested by Mr. Nasby.) 

Ckxnfedrit X Roads (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), 

April 2, 1866. 

Kin it be? Is it troo. or is it not troo? Is Androo Johnson all my fancy 
painted him. or is he still a hevin-defying persekooter uv the Democratic 
!*l?ints? That's wat I and some thousands uv waitin souls wood go suthin hand- 
some to know. I confess I never quite lost faith in Androo. Pro-slavery 
Democracy sticks to a man ez does the odor uv the gentle skimk to clothes, 
and it is got rid uv only by the same means, to-wit, buryin the victim thereof. 

Androo started out to be a Moses, and he is one; but I think he's changed 
his Israelites. I oust saw a woman slsinnin live eeds, and I reprwiched her, 
sayin, "Woman, why skinnest thou eels ahve? Doth it not pain em?'' 

"Nary!" retortid she. "I've skinned em this way for going on to twenty 
years, and they're used to it." 

Even so. The negroes hev bin in bondage so long that they're used to it. 
and Androo feelin a call to continue in the Moses bizniss, hez, I hope, turned 
his atte-ntion to the Dimocrisy. It's us he's a-goin to lead up out uv the 
Egypt uv wretchedness we've bin in for neai-ly five years; it's us that's a-goin 
to quit brick makin without straw, and go up into the Canan wi-ch is ruunin 
with the milk and honey uv public patronage. We shel hev sum fites; there's 
Amalekitidh post masters and Philistine collectors to displace, but with a 
second Jaxon aJt our hed what can we fear? 

I feel to-nigiht like a young colt. To me it seems ez thoug'h my venerable 
locks, wieh hangs scantily about my temples, hed grown black agin, and 
that my youth was returnin. Ef I hed any notion uv sooicide, that idea is 
<Jismist. I am young agin. Wat hez worked tSiis change? 



&4 ThJE isfASBY LeTTKRS. 

TOO ask. It'is the proclamat!'Oii deolarin the war at an end, 
and withdrawin from tilie Dimecxatic states the odious hire- 
lins uy the tyrant Linkin, and the doiu away uv that terrible roarshal law. 
That's wat's done it for me. Now I feei like siayin, wJth wun uv old, "Mine 
eyes Iher seed thy glory; let thy serv;j.nt depart in peese." 

We hev bin doply subjooigated sone time, and a waitin for this. We 
wantid it, and longed for it ez tlie hart does for tihe water course, and consid- 
erably more, onless tbe hart wuz thirsty in tbe extreme. For now we are in the 
Union agin; we are under the shadder uv that glorious old flag widh protects all 
m^eji ceptia niggers and Ablishnists. The nigger is left to be adjustid by us, 
who is to be governed by the laws wich control labor and capital. Certainly he 
is — uv coarse. I saw two uv my neishbora adjustin one last nite. They 
wuz doin it withl a paddle, wich wiiz bored full uv boles. He didn't seem to 
enjoy it ez much ez they did. By that proclamation our states are agin under 
their own. control. Let em go at wunst to work tx> destroy all the vestiges uv 
the cfTooel war throaigh Tvich tbey hev past, lliere ain't no soljers now to in- 
terfere, for the policy uv keppin soljer^ in and among free people is abhorrent 
to freedom and humanity. Go to work ait wunst, and build up the broken 
walls uv yoor Zion. 

We must hev Peace and unanimity; and Peace canmiot dwell among us 
ocless there's a oneness uv purpose and sentiment. To prokoor tibia is yoor 
fust dooty. Ef there be amo^ yoo thim ez opposed yoo doorin yoor late 
struggle for Rites, hist em. Their presence is irritatin, and kin not be toler- 
atid. Ablishnism is as abhorrent now as ever, and the sooner -yoo are rid uv 
it the better. It i® safe to assume that every man wbo opposed the lately de- 
ceased Confederacy Is a Ablishnist. 

The next step, and the most important, is to tear down the nigger scbool- 
houses and churches wich hev bin built here and there, and kindly take the 
nigger by the ear, and lead him back to bis old quarters, wich is his normal po- 
sitaion. The Yankee sohool teachers sent bere by Preedmen's Aid Societies 
filbood properly be bang for spreadin di.ssatisf action and spellin-books among 
tihe niggers, but I wood advise mercy and conciliation. Tar and featherin, with 
whlppins, will perhaps do ez well, and will go to sibow the world that our justfce 
is tempered with charity; that we kin b3 generous ez well ez just. Yoor legis- 
latures isihood be instantly called together, and proper laws for the government 
uv the Freedmen should be passed. Slavery is abolisbt, and the people must 
live up to tihe requirements of the act in good faitb. I protest agin any vio- 
lation uv good faith, but labor must be done, for the skiipter commands it, 
and our frail nature demands wat can't be got without it. We don't like to do 
it, but shel skripter be violated? Not at all. The nigger must do it bisself, not 
ez a slave, for slavery is aboilished, but ez a free man. Ethiopian citizens 
uv Amerikin descent (wich is mulatters), and f uill-blooded blacks, and all hevin 
in taieir veins a taint uv Afriidn blood, must be restrained gently, and for their 
own good I suggest laws ez follows: 

1. They must never leave the plantation onto wich they are, when this act 
goes into effect, without a pass from the employer, under penalty uV bein shot. 

2. I'hey shel hev the privilege uv suein everybody uv their own ooior, ef 
they kin give wfhite bail for costs. 

3. They shel ihev the full privilege uv bein sued the same ez white foSks. 

4. They sihel be comipetent ez v^ itn :^i?sp's in cases in wich fibey are not in- 
terested, but their testim'ony is to go lor nutMn esf it is oipposed by the testi- 
mony uv a white man or another nigger. 



The Nasby Letters. 65 

5. No nigger shel be allowed to buy or lease real esstjate outside ut any 

inoorporated city, ta^^Ti, or village. 

6. No nigger sliel be allowed to buy or lease real e^ate within any iacor- 
porated city, town, or village, except as hereinafter provided for, to wit: He 
shel give niotice uv his desires by pabli cation for six consecutive we«(ks in 
some nevsTspaper uv gf^neral circulation in sed village, for wich publication lie 
shel pay invariaibly in advance. He shel then give bonds, in sicih sums ez the 
mayor siiel decide, that neither he, nor any uv his ancestors, or descendants, 
or relations, will ever became public charges, and will always beJhave them- 
eelveia with due humility, the bondsmen to be white men and freeholders. Then 
the mayor shel cause a election to be proelaimed, and ef the free white citi- 
zens siiel vote "yea" unanimously, he shel be allowed >t)o buy or lease real 
estate. If there is a dissentin vote, thon he sihel be put onto the chain gang 
for six months for his impudence iu maldn sioh a request. 

7. Their wages shel be sich ez they and tbe employers shel mutually agree; 
but tlhat the negroes may not become luxurious and effeminate, wich two things 
is vices wich goes to sap the simplicity and strengtih uv people, the sum shel 
never exceed $5 per moutl\, but not less than enuff in all cases to buy him one 
soot uv clo«tlies per annum, wich thi^ employer shel purchase hisself. 

8. The master shel hev the privilege uv addin to this code sieh other rules 
and regulations for their proper goverament ez may strike him ez bein good 
for em from time to time. 

These provisions secure the nigger in all the riites wich kin reasonably be 
asked for him, just elevated ez he is from slaveiy, and thrown upon the world 
ignorant uv the duties of his new position and status. He is simple and needs 
the guidan hand uv the stronger race. 

My hart is too full to make further suggestioais. Orgamzed into a tabloo, ■ 
with the constitooshun in one hand (wich beloved instrument kivers a great 
deal uv gr->und), a star-spangled bauner in the other, and a tramplin on a bloo 
coat wich I stript off uv a returned ni-ger soldier wich wuz sick, I exultinly 
exclaim, "The Union ez it is is good ez the Union ez it wuz. 'llor!" 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun. 

A WAIL OF ANGUISH— THE CIVMj EIGHTS BILL PASSED 

OVEE THE YETO. 

(In a speech in 1866 President Johnson, claimed to have been tbe "Moses" 

of the negro, as he had been instrumental in leading him out of bondage. The 

name dung to him during his official life. The passage of the Civil Rights bill 

over the President's veto destroyed the hopes of those who expected .to keep 

the freedmen in a state of semi-bondage.) 

Confedrit X Roads (widh is in the Stait av Kentucky), 

April 9, 1866. 
I am a kittle full uv cusses. 

• Under me is a burnin fire uv rage, wich is bein c<*itinua:fly fed with the oil 
uv disappointment. 

And I bile over. 

The civil rites bill, wich our Moses put his foot onto, we thought wuz 
dead. 

And we fired great guns, and hung out our flags, vdch we laid aside in ISGO, 
and made a joyful noise. 

For we sed, one unto another, Lo! he is a true Moses, inasmuch ez he is 
leadia ua out uv the wilderness. 



56 The jNasby Letters. 

The civil rites bill vraz the serpent wat bit n&, and he histed it, that we 
migtht look and lire. 

f^ow let us be joyful! 

Ii'or the llfCniop'ian is delirered intx) our hands, bound hand and foot. 

BUessed be Moses! 

We will naiake him grind our com; but he shed not eat thereof. 

Blessed be Moses! 

We wiU make him treaxi out our wheat; but we will muzzle his mouth. 

Blessed be Moses! 

He shall pick our cotton; but the hire he recedreth he shall stick in his eye 
without injuring the sight thereof. 

Blessed be Moses! 

He shall toil in the sugar mill; but the sugar shall he not sell. 

Blessed be Moses! 

Hia sweat shall nourish our corn; be shall eat naiy ear thereof. 

Blessed be Moses! 

We will burn his school-houses, and destroy his spelUn books (for shall the 
nigger be our superior?) and who shall stay our hand? 

The school teachers we will tar and feather, and whar is the bloo-ooate*^ 
hirelins te make us afeerdV 

Blessed be Moses! 

We looked at the nigger, and said, Ha ha! the last state uv that chattle h 
wuss nor the fust; for before, we bed his labor while he wuz strong an.' 
healthy, but hed to take care on him when he wuz sick and old; and now w 
kin git his labor without the care. 

Blessed be Moses! 

The Ablishnists cast out one devil, and garni^ed the roocn; but there wuJ 
seven devils more stronger and hungrier, wliich rushed in and pre-empted th« 
premises. 

Blessed be Moses! 

But our siong uv joy wuz turned into a wale ur angaish. 

Moses sought to hist the serpent, but the serpent hdsted him. 

He's on a pole, and the bitin NortJi wind is a blowin onto him. 

He oan't get up any higher, because his pole ain't any looiger, and he can't ge<. 
doAvn, because he ain't no place to light onto. 

He vetoed tha biUs, and Congress hez vetoed him the civil rights bill they 
passed in a uncivil manner. 

Now, bein the nigger hez rights, he is our ekal. 

Our ekii is the nigger now, and onless the school houses is burned, and the 
spellin 'books desti'oyed, he wiiU soon be our superior. 

We wuz wallin to giv him tihe right uv bein sued; but, alas! he kin sue. 

He kin be a "witness agin us, and ha kin set his face agin oum. 

Our wise men may mate laws to keep him in his normal speer, but uv wat 
avail is they? 

We kin buy and sell bim no more, neither he nor his children. • 

The men will cleave unto their wives, and the wives unto tl^eir husbands, 
and our hand is powerless to separate em. 

Their children kin we no ^more put up at auction, and sell to the highest bid- 
der, we pocketin joyfully the price thereof. 

They hev become S'assy and impudent, and say, "Gro to, are we not men?" 

I bade one git off the sildewalk, and he bade me be damned. 

I chucked a nearly white one under the chin, and smiled onto her, and 



The iNASBT Letters. 57 

she squawked: and her bnxband, heariii the r-qnawk thereof , came up and bu»- 
tid my head, even ez a white man would hev done. 

I chastised wun who ijave me lip; and he sood me, a Oaucashim, for 
assault and battery, and gut a judgmv>nt! 

Wale I for Moses put out his hand to save us tiiese indigniitiea, but his 
hand wuz too weak. 

We killed Linkin in vaiu. 

Our Moses is playin Jaxson. He faucdeCh he resembJeth him, beooz his 
ioishals is the same. 

He resembleth Jaxson muchly— tn that Jaxon hed a policy Tvleh he cood 
»5arry out, while our Moses he^s a policy wioh he can't carry out. 

And ez he can't carry out his policy, the people are carryin it out for him. 

Wlch they do, a holdin It at arm's length, and holdin their noses. 

Moses is a cake half baked; and he is hot on one side, and cold on tother. 

He daren't let go uv Aiblishnism, and is afeerd to come to us. 

He hez been taJdn epsom salts and Ipecac; and one is workin up, and the 
••tlier workin do^vn. 

Where kin we look for comfort? 

Do we turn to the i>eople? Connecticut anser», " 'Bor for Hawley!" and 
Aloo Hampshire goes Ablishun. 

Do we turn to the courts? Lo! Taney hez gotne to his reward — ^him who 
• foretime dealt out Dimekratic justice, and wiio understood tihe nacher ur the 
i(gger — emd Ch?se, who is pizen, reigns in his staad. 

Raymond la growin weak in the knees, and DooQittle m a ihroken reed on 
»Tch to lean. 

We are too short at both ends. 

Shall we go to Brazil? Lo! there they put niggers in office. 

Mexico holds out her hands to us; but, lo! the mts&r in consddered a 
(nan. 

We hev no escape from the Ethiopian; he is around ua, and about us, and 
•n top uv us. 

I see no post orfis in the distance, no hope for the future. 

Hed I bin a Ablishnist, so ez to make the thing safe in the next world, I 
•hood be glad to die, and quit this. 

For my sole is pregnant ^\ith grief; my hart bugs out with woe. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Lait Paster ur the Ghurch uv the Noo Dispensashun. 

THE REWAED OF YIETUE. 

Confedrit X Roads (wicih is in tlie Stait uv Kentucky), 

August 12, 1866' 

At last I hev it! Finally it come! After five weaiy trips to Washington, 
after much weary waitin and much travail, I hev got it. I am now Posbmas- 
ter at Gonfednt X Roads, and am dooly installed in my new position. Ef I 
ever hed any doubts ez to A. Johnson bein a better man than Paul the Apos- 
ele, a look at my commission removes it. Ef I ketch myself a fet-lin that he de- 
serted us onnecessarily five years ago, another look, and my resentment soft- 
ens into pity. Ef I doubt bis Democrisy, I look at that blessed commission, 
and am reassured, for a President who t-ood turn out a wounded Federal sol- 
dier, and appint such a man ez me, mu^t be above suspicion. 

I felt it wuz couiin two weeks ago. I received a cdxkier from Randall, 
now my sooperior in ofiis, propoundin these question*; 



^8 Thb Nasby Letters. 

1. Do yoo her iSie most imiplidt faith in Androo Jolmsaii, in all that h» 

hez done, all that lie is doin, an^ all he may hereafter do? 

2. Do yoo bleeye that the Philadelphia convenshuu will be a convocashen 
UT saints, 4.11 actuated by pure motiv;^s, and devoted to the salivation uv our 
wunst happy, but now distractid countiT? 

3. Do yoo bleeve that, next to A. Johnson, Seward, Doolittle, Oowan, and 
RandalJ are the four greatest,* and purest, and bestest, and self-sacrificinest, 
and honestist, and rigihteousist men that this country hez ever prodoost? 

4. Do yoo bleeve that there is a partickleriy hot plaoe reserved in the next 
world for Trumbull, a hotter for AVade, and the hottest foir Sumner and Thad 
Stevens? 

5. Do yoo bleeve uv the caniu uv Grinnell by Rosso? 

6. Do yoo oonsdder the keepin out uv Oon^is eleven sovrin states a unconr 
stoosihnel ajid unwarrantid assumption uv power by a see^hnal Congris? 

7. Do yoo bleeve the present Gongris a rump, and that (eleven states be- 
in^ unreipre«.3nted) all their acts are unoanstooshnel and megal, ceptin them 
rnich provides for payin salaries? 

8. Do yoo bleeve that the Memphis and Noo Orleans unpleasantness wuz 
bnot a/bout by the unholy machinashens uv them Radical agitators, actin in con- 
junction with ignorant and besotted niggei">s to wreak their spite on the now 
loyal dtizenis. uv those properly recoQatnicted cities? 

9. Are yoo not satisfied that the Afrikin citizens uv American descent kin 
be safely trusted to the operations uv the universal law wich governs labor and 
capital ? 

10. Are yoo wilUn to contribute a reasoqiable per cent uv yoor salary to 
a fund to be used for the defeat uv objeotionaibla Congrlsmen in the disloyal 

states North? 

To aU uv these inquiries I not only answered yes, but went afore a justis uv 
the peace an took an afiidavit to em, foi'warded it back, and my commision 
wuz foathwith sent to me. 

There wuz a jubilee the nite it arriv. The news spread rap-idly through 
the four groseries uv the town, and sich another spontaneous outbuilt uv joy 
I never witnessed. 

The beills rung, and for an houi- or two the Comers wuz- in the wildest state 
uv eggsitement. The citizens congratulated eich otther on the ceirtainty uv the 
acceshun uv the President to the Dimocrisy, and in thedT enthoosiasm five 
nigger families werei cleaned out, two uv em, one a male and totlier a female, 
wuz killed. Then a peroeshun wtjz organized as foll©x»: 

Two grocery keepers with bottles. 

Deekin Pogram. 

Me, with my commishun pinned onto a bannea*, and und^r it wratten, "In 
tihiis. Sign we Conker." 

Wagoo with tabloo onto it: A nigger on the bottom boards, Bascom, the 
grocery keeper, with one foot onto him, (hoidin a baamer ILosoribed, "The 
Nigger where he oughter be." 

Citizen with bottle. 

Deekin Pogram's daughter Mi randy In £ aUtatood uv waMopin a wench. 
Banner: "We've Regained our Rites." 

Tu'o citizens with bottles tryin tq keep ba. peroeshna. 

Two more caitizens, wich !hed emptied iheir bottka, faUia out by the waj 
iide. 

Oitizafloa, two and two, with bottlea. 

WagHxn withi tabloo ofoto it: A mggxntiS^txa uv • B$e^er «kxx»I, in a ttaite uv 



The li^ASBT Lbtteb«. S9 



♦ 



wreck, with a ded nig'.^rer layin an top uv it, "vrich hed bin captoored within the 
hour. Banner: "My Policy." 

Tho perce5!hiin moved to the meetin house, and Deekin Pagram takin the 
chair, a meetin wiiz to \ninst orgaiUAed. 

The I>eeLin remarked that this wuz the proudest njoment nv his life. He 
^uz ffraMfi"d at the appintment uv his esteemed friend, becoz he appreciated the 
nohle qualities wich wuz so conspikuoas into him, snd becoz his arduous^ ser- 
vices in the coz uv Dimokrisy entitled him to the posi^un. All these wuz 
aside ut and entirely disconnected from the fact that there wood now be a 
prob;3bE5t:v' ur his gittin back a little matter uv nine dollars and sixty-two 
cents ("Hear! Hear!") widh he bed loaned him about eighteen momths ago, 
afora he bed known him well, or larnej to love him. But there wuz another 
reason why he met to rejodce to-nite. It showed that A. Johnson meant biznis; 
tbiait A„ Johnson wniz troo to the Dlmakrasy, and that he bed fully made up 
bis mind to huii the bolts uv offishl thunder wieh he held in his Presidential 
hands at his enemies, and to make fi,-;ht in eamesx; that he wuz goin to re- 
ward his friends—them ez he cood trust. Our venerable friend's bein put in 
oondishun to pay the confidin residents uv the Comers, the httle sums he owes 
tiiem is a good thing ("Hear! Hear!" "Trool" Troo!" with sing<ilar unanimity 
from every man in the bildin), but wat wuz sioh oonsiderashuns when com- 
pared to the grate moral effect uv the decisive movement? ("A d — d site!" 
shouted one grocery keeper, and "We don't want no moral effect! ' cried an- 
other.) My friends, whe^n the news uv this bofl.d step uv the President goes 
fortb to the South, the price uv Confedrit skript will go up, and the shootin 
uv niggers will cease; for the redempihun uv the first I consid3r ashoored, 
and the reducin uv the latter to their normal condishun I count ez good ez 
done. ^ 

Squire Gavitt remarked tiiat he wuz too much overpowered with emoshun 
to speak. For four years, nearly five, the only newspaper wich come to 
that offis bed passed through the polluted hands uv a Ablishnist. He bed no 
parti elder obje<cshun to the misguided man, but he wuz a symbol uv tyranny, 
and so long ez he sot there, he reminded em that they were wearin chains. 
Thank the Lord, that day is over! The Comers is redeemed, the second Jax- 
son hez risen, and struck off the shackles. He wood not allood to the trifle 
uv twelve dollars and a half that he loaned the appintee some months ago, 
knowin that it wood be paid out uv the first money — 

Basoom, the principal grocery keeper, rose, anil called the Squire to order. 
Ho wanted to know ef it wuz fair play to tailk sioh talk. No man cood feel 
a more heart-felt satisfaction at the appiufCment uv our hoox>red friend than 
him, showin, ez it did, that the President bed cut loose from Ablishnism, wich 
he despised, but he protestid agin the Sqiiire undertaldn to git in his bill 
afore the rest bed a chance. "SMio furiiisht him his liquor for eig'ht months, 
and who hez the best rite for the first dig at the proceeds uv the position? 
He wood never — 

The oth?r three grocery keepers arose, when Deekin Pogram rooled em all 
out my order, And offered the following resodutions: 

"VMiereas, The I*resideut hez, in a strikly constooshnefl tnanner, relieved 
this commoonity uv an oft'ensive Ablishnist, appdnted by that abhorred tyrant, 
Linkin, and appinted in his place a sound constooshned Demokrat — one whom 
to know is to lend; therefore be it 

Resolved, That we greet the President, and ashoor him nv our oontinyood 
support and confidence. 

Resodved, That we now consider the work uv Reconstniotioii, 00 far ez 



^® The Nasby Letters. 

tins coramrinity Is c(xnoe<rrpd. corapL ted, and th.it we feel that we are wunat 
more restore to our proper r<^lation.s with the federal government. 

ResoJved. 'Vhsbt Cho g-lorious defence tiuide by the loyal Democracy Xxf Noo 
Orleaji'S agrin t^ie combined convcntione /s i^nd niggers, shows that freemien kin 
noft be conkered, aiid that wliite men sh^l rule America. 

Resolved. That, on thin happy occas on, we forgive the G-overnment for what 
we did, and cherish nary resentment aglu anybody. 

The resotlutions wuz adopted, and the meetin adjourned vAth three cheers 
for Johnson and his policy. 

Then came a scene. Every last ono uv em hed eome there with a note 
irade out for the amount 1 owed him at three months. Kindness of heart 
is a weakness uv mine, and I signed em all, feelin that ef the mere fact of writ- 
in my name wood do em any good, it wood be crooel in me to abject to the little 
labor reqiiired. Bless their iimocent soL^sI they went away happy. 

The next morain 1 took possesshun uv the offis. 

"Am T awake, or am I dreamin?" thought I. No, nol it is no dream. Here 
is the stamps, here is the blanks, and here is th© commishun.! It ia trooJ 
it is troo! 

I heeird a child, across the way, singin: 

"I'd like to be a angel. 
And with the angels staoid." 

I wo->dn't, thotught I. I woodn't trade places wirth an angel, even up. A 
oflis with but little to do, with four grocerys within a stone's throw. Is et 
much happiness ez my bilers will stand without bustin. A angel, forsooth! 

- PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M., 
(wich is Postiiasiter.) 

''SWINGS' ROUND THE SIEKLE."— TO DETROIT. 

(The famous tour of President Johnson was undertaken ostensibly in Vf*- 
sponise to an invitation to assist in this ceremony of laying the comer stono 
of a monument to the lamented Stephen A. Douglas, but really its object was to 
strengthen the Johnson movement. The President believed that his personal 
presence would istimulate Ms fullowers and overawe the opposition. General 
( J rant and Admiral Farragut were invited to join the party in such a way aa 
to make a refusal a very unpleasant matter, and the President, who had a high 
cpijiion of his power before popular audiences, expected to conveit 
the crowds w*hioh were certain to assemble to see these great warriors. The 
speeohos he made on the trip are scarcely caricatured in the text. It was in 
this instance, as in the Philadelphia Convention. The ring of office-holders in 
each town through which the party passed, organized a "tribute" to the Presi- 
dent, and the people assembled in masses to do honor to Grant and Farragut, 
but invariably the President was greeted with unequivocall tokens of disappro- 
bation. The venture was a ludicrous failure, and is fairly described iu the 
texit.) 

At the Biddle House (wich is in Detroit, .Michigan), 

September the 4th, 18(30. 
Step by step I am ascendin the ladder uv fame; step by step I am climbin 
to a proud eminence. Three weeks ago I wuz summioned to Washington by 
that eminently grate and good man, Androo Johnson, to attend a consultation 
ez to the proposed Western tour, wich wuz to be undertaken for the purpose 
uv arousin the masses uv the West to a sense uv tihe danger wich wuz threat-] 
rmi uv em in ease they persisted in centraUzin the power uv the GovemiDenti 



Thk l^ASBY Lettkrs. 41 

Into t!he hands uv a Congress, instid uv dlfFusin it rhrou.i,'-hoiit the hands ur one 
man, wich is Johnson. 1 got there too l.ite to uike {Ktrt in the fii-st uv the dis- 
cussion. When I arove they had ererytljiug settL^ ceptin the appintnient uv 
a chapjain for the excursion. The President insisted upon my fiUin that posi- 
tion, buit Seward objected. He wanted Beecher, but Johnson wuz inflexibly 
ftgin him. "I am determined," sez he, "to carry out my policy, but I hev 
some bowels left. Beecher hez done enuff already, considering the pay he got 
No, no! he shed be spared this trip; indeed he shel." 

"Very gocd," said Seward; "but at U-ast find some clergyman who endorses 
us without herin P. M, to his honored name. It wood look better." 

"I know it wood," repUed Johnson; "but where kin we find sich a one? 
I her swung around the entire circle, and hevn't ez yet seen him. Nasby it 
oiUiSt be." 

There wuz then a lively discussion ez to the propriety, before the proce»- 
Kon started, of removin all the Fcxieral offis-holders on the proposed route, 
tod 3.pplntip men who bleeved in us (Johnson, Beecher and Me), that we might 
be siioor ny a sootable recepshun at each pint at wich we wuz to stop. The 
Inodnttfd t^uf in flavor uv it. Sez he, "Them ez wori't support my policy shan't 
.'at my bi^ad aM butter." Randall and Doolittle clamed in, for it's got to be 
4 part uv their rtligion to assent to whatever the President sez, but I mildly 
{»rotested. I OTi-e a duty to the party, and I ajm determined to do it. 

"Most Hign,' sea x, "8. settin hen wic-h is lazy makes no fuss; cut its head 
off, and iit Hops abt*ui. i<>r a while. Uvely. Lincoln's office-holders are settin 
hens. They don't like yoo nor yoor policy, but while they are on their nests, 
they will keep moderateiy <iro'et Cut off thdr heads, and they will «purt their 
blood in your face. Ez to ^eiu f»nshoord uv a reception at each point, you need 
fear nothing. Calkulatin modo-raJ^ely, there are at least twenty-five or thirty 
I>atriots who feel a call for every offis in your disposal. So long, Yoor EQgb- 
uis, ef them offisis is held just where they kin see em, and they 
don't know which is to git em, yoo may depend upon the 
entire inthoosiasm uv each, individually and coUectavely. In short, ef 
there's four offises in a tovra, and 700 make the appointments yoo hev sekoored 
four supporters; till yoo make the app->iatments yoo hev the hundred who ex- 
pect to get em." 

The President agreed with me ihti^t u:i1j1 after the trip the gullotine shood 
stop. 

Secretary Seward sejested that a clean abart wood improve my personal ap- 
pearance, and akkordlngly a cirkular wuz sent to the clerks in the Departments, 
aseessin em for that pui-pose. Sich uv em ez refoosed to coutiibate diir quota 
wuz instantly dismissad for disloyalty. 

At last we started, and 1 must say we wuz got up in a highly concilia- 
tory style. Eveiy w^n uv the civilians uv the party wore buzzum pins, et set- 
try, wich wuz presented to em by the Southern delegates to the Philadelphia 
convention, ^ich wuz made uv the bones uv I^ed-e-ral soldiers wich hed fallen 
at various battles. Sum' uv em were pjitTlverly vaUuable ez auteeks. he\iu 
bin made from the bones uv the fust soldiers who fefll at Bull Run. 

The Xoo York recepshun wuz a gay affair. I never saw His Imperial High- 
ness in better spirits, and he delivered hia speech to better advantage than I 
ever heerd him do it before, and I bleeve I've heard it a hundred times. We 
left Noo York sadly. Even now, ez i w:h?. the remembrance uv that perceshun, 
the recollection uv tliat b:inq\iet. lii^gers around me, and the taste uv them 
wines is still in my mouth. But wa Led \n go. We hed a mashn to perform, 
and we put ourselves on a steamboat a.^O >u%rted. 



62 Thk !il BV i.ETTEfeg. 

Albany. — There "wuz a imTnense cro-vvd, but the Czar uv all the Amerikag 
diiln't g-et orf his speech here. The Gorernor weleomed him, but he welcomed 
him ez the Cheef Magistrate uv the nashen, and happened to drop in Lin- 
coln's name. That struck a chiil over the party, aud the Presideiift got out ut 
it ez soon ez poissible. Beda reseeved as Cheef ]Magistrate, and not ez the great 
Pacificator, ain't His Eggslency's best holt. It wuz unkind uv G-overnor Fen- 
LQU to do it. If he takes the papers, he must know that His INIightiness ain't 
g'.it but one speech, and he ought to hev miade sach la reception, ez wood her 
(.'! tabled him to hev got it off. We si ook the dust off uv our feet, and left 
Albany in disgust. 

Skenaetady. — The people uv tliis d tlightful little village wuz awake wli?n 
tfie Imperial train arrived. The changes hadn't bdn mitade in the offises here, 
and cousekently there wuz a splendid reeepshim. I didn't suppose there wuz 
80 many patriots ailong the Mobawk. 1 wuz pinted out by sum one ez the 
President's private adviser — a sort uv private Secretary uv State; and after the 
train st-irtod, I found jest 211 petitions for the Post Offis in Skenactedy in 'my 
side coat pm^ket, wich the patriots who bed hurrahed so vooiffero^lsly bed dex- 
terously deposited there. The incident wuz a movin one. "Thank GodI" 
tboug'ht I. "So long ez we hev the post offices to give, \ve kin alluz hev a 
ptrty." The Sultan swnng around the circle wunst here, and leavin th© Constoo- 
shun in their hands, the train moved off. 

Utiea. — The President spoke here with greater warmtb, and jerked more 
originality than I bed before observed. He introdoost here the remark 
that he didn't oome to make a speech; ' iiat he wuz g-oin to shed a tear ove? 
the tomb uv Douglas; that, in swingin n round the circle, he bed fought traitors 
on ail sides uv it, but that be felt safe. He shood leave the Const ooshun in 
their hands, ajid ef a martyr wuz wanted, be wuz ready to die with neetnis 
and dispatch. 

Rome.— Here vre bed a splendid recepshun, and I never heard His Majesty 
speek more felicitously. He mention, d to the audience that he bed swung 
sround tbe Suthern side nv the cirkle, Hnd wuz now s'^ingin around the North- 
ern side uv it, and that be wuz figlitin traitors on all sides. He left the Con- 
stitooshun in their bands, and bid em good bye. I reseeved at this pint only 
130 petationa for the post office, wich I took ez a bad omen for the comin elec- 
tion. 

Loekport. — The President is iimpr vin wond e^rf ully. He rises with the oc- 
casion. At this pint he mentioned that be wuz isot on savin the oountry wdch bed 
honored him. Ez for himself, bis ambishu ^\-nz more than satisfied. He bed bin 
Alderman, Member uv the Legislachcr, Congrassman, Senator, ISIHitary Gov 
eruoT, Vice President, and President. Pie bed swung around the entire circle 
uv offises, and all be wanted now wuz to beal the wounds uv the nasben. 
He felt safe in leavin the Constoosbn in tbedr hands. Ez he swim.g around the 
drkle— 

At this pint I interrupted Mm. I told bim that be bed swung around the 
cirkle w^nst in this town, and ez useful ez the phrase wuz, it might spile 
by too much yoose. 

At Cleveland we begun to get into hot water. Here is tbe post to wich the 
devil uv Abbshnism is chained, and his chain is long enough to let him rag 
over neeriy tbe whole state. I am pained to state tliat the President wuzn'i 
treated here with tbe respeck due his station. He commeust deliverin bis speech 
but wuz made the isubjeck uv ribald laffture. Skasely bed be got to the \n\i\ 
uv swingin around the cdrkie, when a foul-mouthed nigger-lover yelled "Veto! 
and aaiotbear vocdferated "Noo Orleans!" and anotbeir reniiirked ''Memphis'" 



The Kasbt Lkti^ebls. i3 

hnd one after another uiterniptiou on.' rred until His HigLu<*ss wjz oompltrtely 
turned off the track, and got wild. He forgot his speech aud struck out crazy, 
bMt the starch wiiz out uv him, and he vn\z worsted. Grant, wich we bed 
taken alon^ to draw the cro-wds, played dirt on us here, aaid stepped onto a 
l>oaJt fK>r DetroiJt, leavin U3 'Oiuly Farragut ez a attraction, who tried twice to git 
away ditto, but wuz timely prevented. The President recovei"ed his ekanimity, 
yiid swung around the circle wninst, ami leavilng the CoustooBlm i^ their 
Wrds, retired. 

At the next pint we wuz astounded at seein but wun man at the stataon, 
) le wuz •iressed with a sash over his shoulder, and wuz warin a ilag with wun 
\ and, firia a saloot with a revolver with tihe ohter, and playiii "Hail to tbe 
/^ief!" on a mouth-organ, all to wunst. 

"Who are you, my gentle friend?** sez L 

"I'm the newiy-appinted post master, sir," sez he. 'Tm a perceshun a 
naitin here to do honor to our Cheef Magistrate, aU alone, sir. There wuz 
Swenty Johnsonians in this hamlet, sir; but when the commishn came for me, 
•iio other nineteen wuz soured, and sed they didn't care a d — n for him nor 
h\B podicy, sir. AMiere is tJie President?" 

Androo wuz a goin to swing around the cirkle for this one man, and l«iTe 
^>e Gonsooshn in his hands, but Sewiard checked him. 

At Freonont we bed a handsome recepshun, for the offises hevn't bin 
'flanged there, but Toledo didn't do so well. Tha crowd didn't cheer Androo 
y^Ticih, but when Farragut wuz trotted out tbey gave him a rouser, wich wu2 
roything but pleasin to the Cheef Magistrate uv this nashen, who bleeves in 
h ein respected. 

Finally we reeched Detroit. This bein a Democratic city, the Preadent wua 
VAssc^f agin. Hjs speech here wuz wun uv rare imerit. He gaitlhered togeittier 
^\ one quiver aU the sparklin arrows he had used from Washington to this 
(^i)int, and shot em one by one. He swimg around the cirkle; he didn't oome 
i'l make a speech; he bed bin Alderman uv hia nativ town; he might hev bin 
KMoktater, but woodent; and ended with a poetickal ootashun wich I coodent 
vj«tch, but wich, ez near ez I cood undenstjaind, wuz: 

"Kum wun, kum aU; this rock ahel fly 
From its firm base-^ a pig's eye. 

Here we repose for the mte. To-morrow we start onward, and shel con- 
fnne (nwingin around the cirkle till we reach Chicago. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M^ 
(wioh is Postmaster), 
and likewise Chaplin to the exx>edish2i. 

THE TOUK CONTmUED— TO INDIANAPOLIS. 

(At Detr<wt tbe colored waiters refused to serve the Preadcnt. At India n- 

K polis his reception was anything but flattering. The excitable people were 

v>^H)ught up to the pitch of replying to him in terms anything but complimen- 

t^'ify, and the meeting broke up in d isorder. The loffice-fli alders made 

aniendfi, however, for they assembled tihe next morning, and he made hidi 

epeecii to them.) 

Poat Offis, Confedrit X Roads, 

(wich iis in the Stait uv Kentucky), 

September 11, 1866. 

I am home, and glajd am I tSiait I am at borne. Here in Kentucky, Kor- 

i\iunded by Dimlcrats, Immersed a part uv the time in my ofiishel dotytiea, and 



64 Tae N ASBY L^rrKRa; 

tih« balince ut the tame in -whiskey, witb die priviieg« liv wallopiu nigger*, 
and the more inestimiable and soothing pinrilegei ur aissisjtin in miobbin uv Nortlh- 
em vlblishnjsts, "wiio are not yet all out uv the stait, time poisses pleasantly, 
otwi learas no vane regretJS. I aWnz go to bed at ndte, fecdin that the day hea 
not bin wasted. 

From Detroit tihe Presidential cavalaad«, ot ez the inJaimious Jacobiu 
Riudical party irreverently tei-m it, the menajery, proce^ed to Chicago. The 
receqjshuns His Iinperiail Highniss received through Mieliigan were flatterin in 
the extreme. I continue my diary: 

Ipslanty.— At thiis pint the Pre^dent displayed that originality and fer- 
tility uv imaginashun karacteiistiic uv h&m. The i^ecepshun vniz grand. The 
rtf&sses caUad for Grant, and His Highuessg promptly responded. He asked 
em, ef he wnz Judis IsikarLot v/ho vniz the Saviour? Thad 
Stevens? If so, theai after swingin around the cirkle, and 
findin traitors at bot3i ends uv the line, I leeve the tMrty^six States with thirkf- 
a&x stars onto em in yoor hands, and — 

The train wuz off amid loud shouts uv "Grranit! Grant!*' to wich the Presadent 
respoffided by wavin his hat. 

Ann Arbor. — At this pint the train moved in to the Inspirin sounds uv a 
band playin "Hade to tlhe Gheef." Vocafroua criaa uv "Grant! Grant!" His 
Maje-sty smillnly appeared and thanked em for the demonstration. It wua 
ffoathin, he remarked. The air the band wuz playin, "Hail to the Chief,**^ wuz 
•pproprit, ez he wuz Chief Magistrate uv the nashen, to wich posishen he hed 
reached, hevin bin Alderman uv his native -village, U. S. Senator, et settry. 
1^ crowd hollered "Grant! Grant!" and the President thanked em for the 
dfiiroonstratioin. It ^owed him that the pople wuz with him in his efforts to 
close his eyes on a Union uv thirty-six states, and a flag uv thirty-six stars 
e«ito it. Ef I am a traitor, sed he, who is the Judis Iscariot? Ez I'm swiugia 
•aiiound the drkle, I find Tliad Stevens on lihe one side and Jeff Da via on the — 

The conductor cruelly started the triin, without 'gSvin him time to finish. 
The C!rowd xyropoisied three dieers for Gj'ant, and the President waved his hat to 
em. sayin tfhat he thanked em, showin as it did that the peoiple wuz with him. 

Battle Creek. — ^A large number wnz assembled here, who, ez the train 
stopped, yelled "Grant! Grant" Affected to tears by the warmth uv the recei>- 
ti'on, the President thanked era for this mark ur confidenoe. Ef he ever hed 
any doubts ez to the people's bedn with him, these doubts wuz removed. He 
wood leave in th«r hands the flag and the Union uv thirty-six States, and the 
stans thereto appertainin. Ef he wuz a Joodis Iskariot who wuz — 

The crowd gave three hearty cheers for Grant ez the train laoved off, to 
wioh the President responded by wavin his hat. 

Kalamazoo. — ^The offishels were on hand ait this pant, and so wuz the people 
— four offishels and several thousand people, wioh the latter greeted us with 
shouits fkxr "Grant! Grantl" The Presadent reepomded, sayin, that in swingin 
around the carkle, he hed bin called Joodis Iskariot for sacrificLn us hisself for 
the people! 'W'Tio wuz the Saviour? Wuz Thad Stevens? No! Then clearly 
Into yoor hands I leave the Constitution uv thirty-sax stars and thirty-six States 
onto era, intact and undissevered. 

The offishels received tlhe Stars and Stripes, and amid cheers for Grant, 
tor which the President thanked era, the train glode off niagestiGally. 

And so on tio Chicago, where we d'dn't gat off our speech, though from the 
manner in wich the people hollered for Grant! Grant! we feit cheered at real- 
ism how mutdb tb^y wuz with xm. His eminence wanted to filing the thirty* 



six Start»g and the flag with t!he stara on em, but ez General Logrm w^z tiiere, 
leady t» fling it back, i't> wnz deemed hgbly prudent n-ot to do it. 

Here my trials comraenst. At tbt» Biddle Hoii.^ in Detroit, tihe nigg'er wait- 
er* showed how much a Afrikin kin be .>:piled by bein free. They bed the 
impudence to refoose to wait ou us, an^I for a half hour the imperial stumick 
wiiz forst to fast. This alarmin onanifesration uv negro malignancy adarmed His 
Eg^salency. "Thank God!" sed be, "that I vetoed the Freedmen's Buroo BiU. 
I bev bin Alderman ut my eativ torwn — I hev swun^^ around the emtire cirkle, 
but this I nerer di-eemed uv. What would they do if they bed their rites?'* 
The incddent miade an impression onto him, aiixl at Ohieago he resolved to trust 
era no looiger. He ordered his meals t ) his room, and sent for ima. *'My 
friend," sed he, "taste everything onto this table." 

"Why, my liege?" sed I. 

"Niggers is cooks," sed he, "and this food may be pizoned. Th^y hate me, 
for I ain't in the Moses bizuis. Taste, my friend." 

"But spozn," sed I, "tihat it shood ba pizoaed. Wat uv any bowels? My 
stumdck is uv ez much valyoo to mo ez yK)urn iis to yoo." 

"Nasby," sed he, "taste! Ef yoo die, who mourns? Bf I die, wiho'd swing 
around the cdrkle? Who'd sliug the flig and the thirty -six stars at the peoi)le, 
who'd leave ithe Gonstooisbn in tbedr bauds? Th.^ countiy demajids the sacrifice; 
and besides, ef yoo don't, off goes yoor offisihl heaxi." 

That last appele fetched me, Ruthe-r than risk that ofl5a Td ohaw strick- 
rio'ne, for uv wat akjvount is a Dimokrat, who hez wnnst tasted the sweets uv 
place, and is ousted? And from Chicago on I wuz forced to taste his food 
and likker— to act ez a sort uv a litt^nin-rod to shed off the veaiigeance uv the 
nigger waitetrs. I wood taste uv every dish and drink from each bottle, and 
ef I didn't swell up and bust in fifteen mmits. His Serefae Highness wood take 
hold. I suffered several deaths. I resoom my diary: 

Joliet. — The crowd wnz immense. The peasantry, ez the train approached, 
rent the air with shouts uv "Grant!" "Grant!" His Pottency, the President, 
promptly acknowledgwt the ooinpl.ment. He wuz sacrificiu hisself for them — 
who bed made greater sacrifices? He bed bin Alderman uv his native town, 
and Vice President; he wnz too modest to make a speedh, but ef be wuz Judis 
I&kariot, who wuz the Saviour? He bed swnng aroimd the drlde, and hedn't 
found none so far. He left in their bands the — 

And so on, until near St. Liouis, when we penetrated a EKmocratic coimtry, 
uv wioh I informed His Majesty. "How knowest thou?" sea be. "I ob- 
seire," sez I, "in tiie crowds a large proportion uv red noses, and bats with the 
top« off. I notice the houses unpainted, with pig pens in frant uv em; and 
wat is more, I obsei-ve tihe crowds compliment yoo direct, instead uv doin it, ez 
heretofore, over Grant's sboulders. Th » Ivnig'hts uv tbe Golden Cirkle, wioh I 
speet is th-e identical cirkle yoo've bin swingin around lately, love yoo and 
approacfh yoo confideintly. 

Tiie President brisked up, and from this to Indianapolis he spoke with a 
fiooidity I never observed in blm before. I may say, to yoose a medikle term, 
that he bed a hemorrhage uv words. At the latter city our reception wnz the 
most tlatterin uv eny we hev experieno-ed. The people, when the President 
appeared on the balcony uv the Bates House, yeflled so vociferously for Grant, 
that the President, when be stepped forward to acknowledge the compliment, 
ooodent be heard at all. He waved Iiis bat : and the more be waved it the morr 
oomplimentaiy the crowd became. "Grant!" "Grant!" they yelled; and the 
more the President showed himself the more they yelled Grant, until, over- 
powered by the warmth uv bi» reeepshim, and anwiUin to expose hia health 



^ The ISAbBI h&TT&KB. - 

Qm Fre«id€8it nfiied w^Stont dingin a spe&dt aA ezft» but enilrelx sa.ti«fied 
tftMit the people ^wnz -with. him. 

The next momin ttie offis-holders uv tlhe state, witflioiit tlhe jyeople, as- 
eemMed, and he made his regler speecli to em, vrida. api>eai-ed to be gratifyju 
t» both him andi thean. The President does njot like to sleep with a undeHTcrvrJ 
apeedh on his meoital stumick. It gives him the nitemare. 

Here I left the party, for a short time, tiiat I mite go home and attend fo 
txxy offielil dooties. There is fire North f^i-n families bear the Oomers wich 
must tev notioe to leare, and ei^lit nlggera to hang. I bed orders to repoj-t 
te the pai^ sooxaefwtiere between Looa grille and Hanisburgh, widh I sfhei d^ji, 
ei, tRLTelin bjr «Bdcr, I set jaadlieaire A^d sicfa. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
("wieh is Postmaster), 
and likewise Ohaplin to the expedishn. 

THE TOUR ENDED— TO WASHINGTON. 

(The President's longing for a hearty reception vras graitified at LouisriUt*. 
The people of that dty hurrahed fox no ome ^se. In that city Grrant and Fa)'- 
ragut -vrcre ignored.) 

White House, Washington, D. C, 
September 12, '66. 

I pejined the Presiden^el party at Looiisville, and glad I am that I did 
it at tihait pint. His Imperial Serenity hed bin pleased ever sence he left Clu* 
oago, or rather sence he got near St. Loods, for two thirds uv Illinois wuz pize?, 
and Indianapolis wiiz pizener. From St. Loois the recepshuns wuz trooly 00%' 
jeJ and even enthaoaastlc. We got out uv the region uv aristocrats, and hMl 
come down to the hard-fisted yomaniry. I seed holes thro the hats uv men; i 
peed wat mite be called the llag uv D>>mocrisy waWn from behind em, whicTi, 
ez they genrailly eitheir bad no cjoats at sM, or if any, they were roundabouts, 
wuz alluz in view. I saw wimen who dlisdained stocking and dipped snuff, arvi 
I feflt to borne. I wuz among Democracy. The cheerin for Grant and Farrq- 
gut closed ez we got into them regions, and uv the vociferoais crowds half « ? 
em, the yo'mger ones, cheered Andrew Jdhmson, while the old veterans, thexw- 
whose noses wuz blosaorain for the tomb, cheered for Andrew Jackson. Hi>y 
Serenity amalinly acknowledged both by maMn a speech to em, and wavin hi*«* 
bat. 

With tSiese preliminary remarks I rc'soom my diary: 

Ixmisville. — ^There wuz a magnificent demonstration here. Hjs Imperii* 
Majesty, who wuz m a ^gsalent condition to make crowds large enough, r<r>- 
nwrked to me ez we wuz ridin through ttha streets, " 'Splem 'splay! 'Mor**! 
ten 'unerd sousand! people — ^mor'n ten m'.Uion people — ^mor'n ten 'unerd million 
peofple — mor'n ten 'unerd sousand million people — and alluvum 'sportcrs my 
poli<-y. 'Rah for me!" 

His Majesty ondoaibtedly eggsagerated toward the last; but it is safe to 
put the tlhrong down at a good many. That estimate is entirely safe. There 
■WTiz the finest display ur banners and sich I hev seen since we startid. The red, 
wlmte and red wuz displayed from almost haif the houses, ladies waved their 
haaadkerchiefs ez we passed, and men c/hoered. A plea sin incident occurd 
here. I noticed one gushin maiden uv thirty-seven wavin her handkercher ez 
tho (Ae wuz gettin-Bo much per ware," and hed rent to pay that nite. 1 recog- 
nized her to wunst. When I wuz a dtizen uv Ohio, and wuz driif ted into t> •« 
service uv tthe United States, and clothed in a bob-tailed blue-coat, and hed t 
Oysrtran mirakit put into my unwiUin baitds, and &>r<?ed to fite a^in my bret %- 



I 



pm, <mT !neg!m«rt paesed tliro Looisrille, and stayed ^here some <fey«. I w\» 
■Mralkin one afterooofn, when I met thiis identical angel. Slie saw my bloo kotn, 
and efnraged, spit in my face with «ch ener'gy that she threw out ur her momh 
a full set uv false teeth. I returned em g&llantly, wiped my face with my hanvl- 
keroher, and rowed that handkerche<r shood henceforth be kept sacred. It wui; 
and when I seed her warin hern at our party, I wept like a Philadelphia Coo- 
venshen. I s^tapped the carriage, mo-t the patriotic female, called her attenti^oi 
to the incident, and handed her my handkercher whioh hed, four years befo7e, 
wiped her spirt:.tle. The incident gave new vigor to !ber arms, and from thAt 
time she waved two handkerohers, and mine wuz oaie uv em. I narrated tfee 
incident to the President, and he wept. 

There wuz a large perceshen and a great variety of (banners. Among Ittie 
roost noticeatle wuz a company uv solger.s uv the late war, each with a leg 
off, dressed in the gray uniforms into Av'hi<& they hed bin mustered out, with 
this m-Dftto: "We are wullin to go the other leg for A. Johnson." Another com- 
pany uv solgers. who hed each lost an ai-ra, carried this inscription: "What w»* 
didn't get by bullets, we shel get by ballots." 

The President cut down his speech jest one half here. In swingin aroun-l 
the rtrkle he omitted to menshun that ho found traitors on the Southern side u r 
it. But he left the cori'stooshn in their bands cheerfully. 

Cincinnati. — A very enthoosiastic recepshun — continyood and loud cheer »- 
for Grant, T\i<]:h the President acknowledged. A unsophisticatel 
Postmaster, "wiio jiued us here, wanted to know why tb« 
people cheered for Grant instid uv the President, to wich His Higlv- 
ness answered that they wiiz ecm^idrit— they knew has modesty, and wante<l 
to spare has blusihes. Another man, who wuz also unsophisticated, asked hinx, 
confidenshelly, ef he diidn't think tliero wuz a samenis in has speeches, aud 
tihat ef he didn't think he'd do better to give a greater variety. His Eggslen<?y 
asked him how there cood be more vaiiety. "At Cincdninati," sed he, "I o)y 
served the following order: 

"1. I swung aroimd the cirkle; 2. I asked who wuz tiie Saviour ef I wxk.s 
Joodis I«k liiot ? 3. I left the Oonstito -shn, in the thirty^six states, and the fla jj 
with the thirty-six stars onto it, in their hands. 

"Now, at Columbia, I shell vary it thusly: 

"1. The Oonstitooshn, flag, and stars. 2. The Joodia Iskariot biznis. H. 
Swingin around the cirkle. 

"At Stoobenville, agin, ez follows: 

1. Joodis Iskariot 2. Swingin around the drkle. 3. Oonstitooshn, flag, 
and stars. 

"And so on. It's susceptible uv many changes. I thot uv that when I 
writ that speech, and divided it up into sections on purpose." 

Johni?tOTm, Pa.— A bridge fell down, onto widh wuz flour hundred voters, 
killin a dozen uv em. His Eggsleucy felt releered when heerin uv the axident. 
It bein asshoored that ther wuzn't wun uv his supporters on the bridge. He 
I'cnsidered it a speshl Pro\T,denc<e. Tlie condnkter overfieerd the remark, and 
answered, that ef any uv Ms supporters wuz killed in that seckshun tliey'd have 
t'T import Aviin for the purpose. 

Mifflin, Pa.— A enthoosiastic indivijjlo vrho wants the Post Office at this 
place very much, fell on tlie President's neck, and wept, hailin him ez the "Pre- 
server uv the Union." Tlie President thanked him for the spontaneous trib- 
oot. and left in his hands the Gmstitoo-shn, the flag, and the appintment he 
desired. 

BaltitDorot- There wuz a spontaneous recepshun heore, wi<ih wuz grs.tityii 



S8 Tu& NaUAY LtTt&MA, 

to utt. Vhf: pereeiSiuja wtis immense, and Cfat* luvjfttoes e.tp?e«dT«. Ob*" diviaSaa 
WTiz hed^d by tbe idenrikle mdi\ijjtKil wLo tii>:Hi uhe firsc shot at the Ma^jisaxihu- 
aeltjs men in ISGl. He is a ardent suj-porfer <>f President Johnson's policy. 
One flag aviiz captured fi'^om a Inje^my rog-ini^Tit at the Urst Bull Run, at 
wich the President weipt. "Things is 'becmmin normal," sed !he, "ivhen the 
people T\ii!U stand that.. Wat love! — wat uniity! The flags uv both secshuns, 
wich "wniz lately borno by foes, now miuglin iia the saime proceshun, and all ur 
em cheerin me." 

At last -we arrived at Washinton, iKn-in swang entirely round the cii^e, 
and found triltors North and South. The demon straiSh en to greet the President i 
on his arrival wuz immense. The clerks in all the departments wuz out (at 
least them ez v/uzn't wiM wish they hed bin, ez their naiaes vn\z all taken), 
the solgers on duty wuz ordered out. and altogether it wuz the most spontaneous 
exhibdtio.a I ever ^itisest. The Mayor made a speech. The President asked 
if he wuz Joodis Iscariot who wuz the Saviouiv-told them he had swung 
around the entire cirkle, and hed found traitors on ail sides uv it, though 
sence be left Cleveland, Olieago, and ladianapolis he vmz siitisfied there wuz 
the heft uv them in the Nc-rth; but be this ,ez it may, he left the Consti-ii 
tooshen, and the thiirty-six states, and the flag with ftiJuirty-six stars onto it, in i 
tis hands. He had bin Alderman ur his native village, and Congressman, and j 
United States Senator, and Vice President, and President, wich latter carcum- f 
stance he wnsidered forchnit, but wuz, after all, an (Humble Indivij'le. He 
didn't feel his oartis anach, and wood do bia dooty agin traitors North, ez well 
as agin his misguided friends Soutih. So ended the Presidential excursion. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M, 
(wich is Postmaster), 
«nd likewise CJhaplin to the expedislm. 

P. S. — I forgot to men^Tin that at C/bicago -we ilaid the comer-stone ur a 
nwoinmeait to Douglas. The occuieince bed ecatirely sllippod my memory. 

P. V. N. 

THE OCTOBER ELECTIONS— EFFECT IN KENTUCKY. 

(Tlie overwhelming defeat of the Jdhason party in the North was a crush- 
ing blow to the people of the South, who (had hoped that thrortigh 'Mm slavery 
would, in some fonm, be restiored.) 

Confedrit X Roads (wich is in the Sitate ur Kentucky), 

October 14, 1866. 

There is mournin in Kentucky. The results of the electians in Ohio, In- 
jeany, Peimsylvania, and Iowa reached me yesterday through a Louisville pa- 
V€ft, wich wnz dropped off the cars at Secession ville, widh da the nearest station 
to us, and widi, I hapnin to be there, I lacked up. 

Ohio-^0,(X)0 AblLshn! Injeany— 20,000 Ablishn! Penmisylvany— 20,000 Ab- 
Kshn! Iowa— 30,000 Ablishn! 

Ablishn! Wat a di*eary waste ur Ablishn! Not a eSngle oq.^3 ur Dimocrisy 
anywhere— nary Aiy rat on widh our ark kin rest in safety— but all around ua 
tlie mad waves ur Ablishuism reaiin their crested heads maichly. 

I felt it my dooty to make this fact kaofwn to my neighbors; for, eposin 
thait His Serene Highness* trip wood secure us enuff deestricts to m-ake the 
R»ext Ooogress safe, and oonsekently make uis certin uv admission, they hed 
bfin ma.kin arrangements for restorin things to their noi-mal condishun, «a 
t!h«y weire before the war. 

Bq fact, two weeks before, in view ur the expected siuaoesa ur tiie De- 
■EKKZOMy, a meetin hed bin held on th« cubjeot. Socmi yraz <Saar a4 onoe cee^^ 



tfi6 BSsgg'cn wliereTecp ^<?y cood be ' mnd, sad putTJn em at WTwk; biit ti»« ooo- 
sonTatires OTenniled this. They held that slavea-y bed bin ab-->ilLshed, and that 
It ought not to be restored; in fact, that, to act in good faith, it cood not ba 
rG-eatablished. Deetiu Po^ram annou-iced a plan. The to-wn a>ithorities 
cbood pass a ordinance for tho proper g )vpriimeut uv t!he nig-ffers. Their go<xi 
and cum demanded it- For instance, they shood nx>t be peninititcd to be out 
after 7 o'clock, p. m., in the erenm; they ^oodent leave the plantation onto 
wich tiiey wuz employed; tSiey shood work er-ery day till 7; and to do away 
Tiith the pemidous work uv tihe Freedraen's Bureau, no man and wife wieh 
h«d bin married by atchapEn uv the B .reau, or by any one else, shood be em- 
ployed on the fa-me plantashen, and also no father or nuother and child. Sich 
ez violated these ordinances shood hi^ aTTt'Stcd by cnybody and fined; and in de- 
ftiidt uv payment uv the fine and costs, shood be sofld to the person who w<Kxi 
take bis his or bor labor for the sbortest number uv years, and pay the fint^ 
and costs aforesed. "Ez a oonserrartive," eaid the Deekin, "I sejest thia 
plan." 

"Do yoo want to know my definition uv the word 'oontservative'?" sod 
Jo8 Bigrler, a returned Confederate soljer, wbo, I bleeve. hez se^n enuff uv 
war. "It's a naan who goes a roimd-about way to do a devilish mean thing. 
Deekin, wby can't yoo go to the devil by a straig'ht road, ez I do?" 

The interupsben uv the demoi-alized wretcb wuzn't notist; and ez the trus- 
tees uv the township wuz all present, the ordinance wnz passed, and that nijrhit' 
two-thirds uv the niggers within five miles uv the Comers wuz arrested and 
sold, and within two weeks every one bed bin capcherd. 

I hied me to tho Com era, and the fir-st mQ.n I saw was Basooma, the grocery 
keeper, engaged in tbe congenial biznis uv tappin a barrel uv contentment, 
wicb he bed jest receeved. I wuz a going tK) tell him the dread intellig'e'noe, 
when he caught site uv me. "Taste that Parson," sed he, holdin out a tin 
dipper full. I drank it off, and one look at him onmand me, "Kin I o'ercloud 
that smibn cheek?" thot I, ez, in a fit uv abseut-micdednis — ^wich I hev every 
now and then — I held out the empty dpper to be filled agin, wich It wuz. 
"No! for a time he sbei be spared;" and I borrered his mule, and rode away 
pensively. 

I wuz goin fust to Deekin Pogram's. for be wuz the most interested uv any 
in tbe settlement. After the meetin mentioned above, the Deekin had caused the 
arrest uv sich niggers ez he cood ketch, and had had em fined in suras uv $275 
and uppards, wich bein unable, ez a roo4, to pay the fine, he bed kindly bid em 
in. 

He hed picked up. here and there, all uv his old servants, ceptin those which 
bed bin killed in tbe army, and the few misguided ones wir-h hod nuide their 
way North, and that mom in the planta.'^hen wuz to be ree-onstructed uprvn the 
old patriarkle system. Mrs. Deekin Pogram wuz marshpllin four uv the Lke- 
liest wenches I ever saw in the kitchen; his soa Tom -wtiz chuckin a yaller girl 
vnder the chin, wich hed bin bom on the pdace about eighteen years before, and 
w5cb, o\N'in to a unfortimate resemblance to the Deekin. hed caused a on- 
pleasantnis between him and his wife, \\ioh ended in tlie loss uv the most uv 
his hair, and tbe sellin uv the girl's mother to Noo Orleans. The two girb hed 
each their waitin-maids, and wuz a puttin them through their paces. There 
bed bin some ^troiible in gittin em re'OKsrti-ucted, it being deemed necessarv to 
take the conseet out uv em, wich they w:iz all a dnin. Ez I rode up, the old 
lady hed jest knocked one uv em down with a fire-shovei. and wuz dancin a 
Highland flir^g onto her prostrate body. Almira, the oSdost gaJ. bed her finr 
gexu in the wool uv her gal; and tother une wuz thumpin hem to redose her to 



7« ThI NasBY LBTTKRg. "" 

hj«r proper levd ; and the Deekia Msself wuz deaJin witlh ortw ongrait^fiil wTWt<A 
•vrtjo objected to bedu pv.t to wark on th^m terms, not raalizin that the Bureau 
waa gKxne. Ez tho Deekin hed a reyoiver, he yielded tihe pint, and submitted 
to be flog'g'ed, Tvioh the Deekin wuz doln ez neatfly ez I ever saw, 
coaisiderin he bed bin out ur practia fooir years. He had 
'Hm tied up to a tree, and wuz a waJlcxpin uv him g^orjus. While he wuz a 
^ooivijidn UT him with his whip that there wuz trooth in the Skripler, and that 
)lBm wuz reeHy a servant unto his brethrin, I exclaim-ed, "Stop!" and immejit- 
\f whispered the appallin news in his left ear (tother bed 
idn ohawd off in a misunderstandin at BafJtom's tihe previous 
Sunday nibe, after servis). Never sh«l 1 forgit the look uv woe on tihat emi- 
• tent Christian's fare. The TvMp fell from his nerveless hand; and with teers 
itreemin down his cfheeks, wasihin up little streaks uv dirt in th« most heart- 
/'■endin manner, ho gaisiped in a husky voice to tihe wife uv his buzzum, "Cut him 
Uown, Mirandyl The North's gone Abli«^hin, and the d— <i niggera will be 
free anyhow!" and the oid patriarch sv/ooned away at my feet. 

And sich a expression of anguish ez distorted the face av tihe DeeMn*s wife 
I hope ne-ver to see agin, Droppin tJie shovel, she stood ez one petrified, with 
ber fix>t elevated in mid air, ez in the act uv stompin, and uttering a shreek 
t»idh methinks I hear ringing in my ears yet, she feiU precisely ez she stood, 
Vfiih her leg crooked oz ef *twuz froze there. Tom released the gal he wuz 
I'ejbdooin, and monntin his horse rode off to the Corners wttliout sayin a word; 
uod unable to witness the distress uv thcit stricken family, I m:ide haste to 
t'touut my mule and go too; while the niggers, feelin that they weire wunist "more 
^eir o^Ti men and women, scattered in every direction. 

**Sdch is the froots uv Eadikelism,*' murmured I. "Si<3(h 5s tihe bitter cup 
ISinatici^m hez put to our Hps;" and castin one lingerin look at the prostrate 
ft)>rms uv the Deekin, his wtfei (with her foot insens'ibly raised) and their two 
ir isfhin daug-hters, I spurred the mule, and departed. 

Wood that every Ablishnist in the North bed seen that site, and wuz 
l><«essed uv a sBole to appreshiate iti Then would they vote differently. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
(widh is Postmaster.) 

THE CEOSS EOADS HOAXED, 

(The rebels of the Southern States desired nothing so much as relief froan 
tlie disa/bHitieJS enforced upon them as the result of their cringe, expecting that 
througb ajmnesty they wo^dd find some way of regaining control «f tlheir for- 
mer slaves.) 

Confedriit X Roada (Wieh is in tlie Stait uv Kentucky), 

December 3, 1866. 

I never wuz so elevated, notr never so oajst down, in my life, ez last nite, 
and the entire Comers wuz ditto. The circumstanoee uv tihe case wuz ez 
fc>Uows: Me and a party uv friends wuz a plaj'in draw poker with a Noo York 
oommershall traVler, I bleeve they call em, a fedler with a mustash and side 
whiskers, wich comes Soaith a talkin sece^hn and a sellin goods. He made 
tome inquiries about the standin uv the dealers at the Comers, and ^vuz, arter 
aed inxjuii'iee, eg-gstremely anxious to seli em goods, for oash. They wanted em 
OQ ninety days' time, and on this they split. He agreed with em in principle 
—lie drank to Jeff Davia, and damned Linlvin flooently — ^but on the cash ques- 
tion he WU2 inflexible and unanovable. To while awiay the rosy hours, a knot uv 
cikaice stperits, him indooded, gathered in tihe Post Oifis, to eaajoy a game ur 



Thk Nabbt Letters. 7i 

drarvr poker. Theane yniz me and Sqmre G«.vStit, and Deekin Pogram, and 13 ■ 
der Slathers, and the Noo York drumii>er. We played tiH past the witciLin^ 
hour of 12 m., -vsheii graveyards yawn and gosts troop forth — when the Ne-w 
Yorker su(;kumd. His innoceut, unseasoned bowels hedn't ben eddicated up to 
the standard ut Kentucky whiskey, wich, new ez we drink it, is plzen i/> 
foreigners. The Deekiu and Elder grabbed the stakes wich wnz onto the tabU, 
and rifled his pockets on the suspishen that he wuz a Ablishnist, and rolled 
him out, and while m the very act. Pollock, the minoy storekeeper, cum rush 
■'•n in, askin us ef we'd heerd the i^^ws. 

We anJ5ered yoonanimusly that we hedn't. 

"I'm jist in from LoDisville," sed he; "I jist rode over from the etashen. 
Looisville is in a blaze uv giory!" 

'Wat," sez I, "hez Sumner killed Thad Steivena aaid imme^tly couamittei 
scodcide?" 

"Nary,"' se^ he, "but Johnson and Oangress hev oum togethefr on the 
basis uv universal Amnesty, wich wuz proclaimed yesterday, to be foUcrel 
by universal suffrage ez soon ez the South kin conveniently do it. They he-r 
met and embraced on Horns Greely's plan." 

Deekin Pogram bust into a hysterical laff, and in his joy handed me tho 
proceeds uv his exploraShen uv the pockets uv the Noo Yorker, and like a 
blessed oJd lunatic broke for the meetin house. In a moment or two 
the bell pealed forth its joyous notes, and in a minit more than the ha'lf -dressed 
villagera wuz seen emergin fram their domiciles in all stiles uv attire. A few 
minits sufficed to make them understand wat wu^ the occasion uv the uproar, 
and a more enthoosiastic population never woke the ekkoes. Afore five minits 
hed rolled off into eternity, there wuz a bonfire blazdn on the North side av 
tho square, the sed bonfire bein a nigger skool-house viicfh the Freedmeu's 
Commishn hed erected, and wich our enthoosiastic citizens hed in their delirium 
uv joy set fire to. It wnz emblematic Tlra smoke ez it 
rcdled to th.e South methawt assoomed the shape uv a oL\ve 
branch — the cry uv the nigger children widh coodent escape, symbolized tlieir 
desertid condishn, and the smiell uv em, ez they roasted, wuz like imto incense, 
grateful to our nostrils. 

A informal meetin wuz to wnnst organized by the lite uv the burnin skeev 
bouse, to wich Deekin Pogram addressed hisseif. He remarked that thi.« wnz 
a solemn occasion, so solemn indeed that he felt inadekate to express the fet (- 
ins wich filled him. His mouth wuzn't big enough to give vent to his sol \ 
thougti ef he didn't he'd bust. "Wat are we met for to-nite, my friends?" s« d 
he- "wat's called us together? WTiefrefore these sounds uv jjy 
—wherefore this fire, and whereforo is Baseom seliin likk'T 
at balf price? Becoz we are reihabilitated — ^that's wat we are. Becoz 
the North hez gone into the olive bran.-h bizuis agin, and we bev wunst more 
our rites. We are amnestied. We kin vote — ^we kin go to Congress— we aie 
agin citizens uv the great Republic." 

Pollock, the lUinoy storekeeper, riz and begged penMs:hn to say a word. 
He protested agin these doins. He undn'stood, akkoidin to Hoi-ris Greely's 
plan, that universal suffrage wuz to follow univerisal amnesty— why then this 
makin John Rodgerses uv the niggers? Wuz the South a goin to act in good 

faith? 

Deekin Pogram replied: '"The South never ylt broke plighted faith save 
Tsrhen she cood make sutliin by so doin. At this present junkter uv affaii-s he 
presoomed the South wood extend, not precisely universaJl snffrage to the nig- 
g^Nrs, but the way wood be o<pen to em. Si oh a mass uv igno<rance oood Eover be 



72 The N \ ST L;:TTEaa 

trusted with iJia ballot w'thout pr^'^pti ra shen, and to propiarie em •wK>od be «. 
Gverturuiu the xvetutiu'ky theory, that the uigrjier is a Iteast, and Ifhe Noi-thera ' 
Deniokrntic idea thait the ujggei- w x cuist by Noer and doomed forever to 
be a slave. 

"ihe jj^vntletnian froim llliiioy wiE to-w^imst perceive the fix we axe in. They 
ain't fit for the ballot no-w, and ef we make em so. It overtums our theory, 
wich we can't do. Still we pr(i.p,)ise to be just to em. We she! give sach uv 
em t!he ballot ez are sntficientl.v uitellijeut, and shed UiOt put the standard too 
high. We shel give every wun uv em the ^Ilot v\-1io ia able to reed the Greek 
testament £ooentJy, and pass a cred • le examdnashen in Latin, embixvidery, 
FVench, German, Kng-lish Grammar, and double-entry book-keepin. The path ji 
to the polls, yoo see, iis open to em. Uv course we can't be expected to tole- 
ra,te skoo-houses for em, cause t3iat wood raise em above thedr normal oondishen. 
Al£>o, ther must be proper reguia-sli. u^^ roaitrollin em, for, .my deer sir, they are 
mere infants, and ther totteiin stt^ps on tlhe road <bo freedom needs directing. 
Sodety is a compromise in wich eveiy one resigns ez mnoh uv bis persnel 
liberty ez the good uv the hull may demand. We count ourselves the bull, 
and tbe resinin nv persnel liberty must come frj-m tihem. That nigger," sed 
be, pintin to wun wich the jojous citizens wuz stringin up to Baseom's sdgn- 
post, "that nigger is a resinin his persnel freedom for tiie good of the bulL ;i! 
No doubt in his beart be murmurs, and ef the cord \%ich is ohokin him oood li; 
be loosened, be WK>od repine. It is nmgb on him; but tbe sooperiority uv tbe | 
Oaucasbn race imust be — My God! it's one uv my niggere! Stop! Basoom, 
stop!" ejakilated the Deekin, but it wuz too late. The nigger wuz alreadlj 
black in the face, and bed oea&ed to kick, aiod tbe Deekin, beavin a sigh, per 
oeeded. 

'^We sbel scroopulously regard tbeir rntes. They sbel bev tbe T5te to buy 
laud, and be in all respecks like us, ez soon ez they can be trusted. Till tbeii 
tbey will hev to bo restraimed. There must be laws prdbibitin em from re 
oedvin more than $4.50 per montb, tbar tbey may not become bloatdd ardstu 
crats and ptampcired sons uv luxury — tbe proper development uv the country 
and likewise tbe payment ut tbe Confodrit debt, requireis manuel lalbor, vticL 
we wuz neveo" edjucated to do, and therefore tbe good of the wbole requires 
tbat tbey sbel reside their perenel li' erty ao fur ez to be confined to th^ 
iVlantasbuns, onto wich tbey bev engaged to labar, tljat tibey may relijusly d- 
sed laber, widh is cleerly necessary, for yoo see ef I hire a nigger in Janooary 
I must not be exposed to tbe chances uv bis quittin me in Jidy. But w^t mor 
km tbey want? Tbey are free to ez great a ext>aat ez tlie good of society wil. 
permit. We sbel give em qualified suffrage, fixin, uv course, wich is just, the 
quaiifioatioins ourselves, and beia valyooabUe members of society, hereafter w« 
sbel care fur em, so long ez tbey are healthy — Gaod Lord, why vfilU tbeu. 
cusses perast in bangin up able-bodied hdggera, when there's iso many old 
ones around, good for nutbln but to celebrate with?" and to save another wud 
uv bis former servants, the Deekin dosed abruptly. 

It is onnecessary to recount the fuitber doins uv tbe mte. There wuz a 
skool-bouse and dhurcb, recently erected, bumd, witb some skore or sdch a 
matter uv young niggers in em, wicb wuz too young to be otf any yoose, save 
one gdxJ, wicb wuz neerly w'bite and almost fifteen, wich ought to bev bin res- 
fcood, and five, ef I counted correctly, able-bodied men and mmin wiiz bung. 
Basoom sold out his stock entirely, and by 3 a. m. tbe entire inbabitance uv tbe 
Comers wuz a lay in around tbe square, in festooais. 

There wuz a bitter awakenin to this scene uv festivity. At a little after 
X» ^w'JI:!®. *^ Deekia, the Elder, and mysell wuz m Bascom's tryin to get ax- 



e^aBa&s^r~&sid tSi« best we c<»d do v, oa to iK>a? a quart ar w«,ter feat© » 
barrel wich iicd! bia t-mptit'd, ^aud roU it arauud and thus tlavor it— Captain Mc- 
Pelter, late uv Morg-au's cavaliy, cum in from LooisvUle. Eagerly we asked 
fcam tlhe coaifinDation uv the tidius, when he iiLformod us that it wuz a hoax- 
that no such thing hed bin done, nor wuz OaJigris in any sich noshen. Pollock 
dropped in, and when I repwaehed iiim with hi« dcoplicdty, he ansered that 
it WUJ5 a hoax, but he hoped we'd excoose him. He hed a c^a^in desire to 
ife8 whether ef Ainnesty and Suffrage shood bo adapted, how fur we'd go in 
the latter direction. He vmz satisfied and hoped we'd forgive him the pleasant 
jest. He'd made tlhe Oo(mer3 lively one nite, anyhow. I wuz too profoundly 
disgusted to reply to tihe wretch. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
("wich ifl Postmaster.) 

MR. NASBY ESSAYS A SEEMON, BUT IS INTEKUPTBD BY 

A NIGGER. 

(In the meaaage at Governs Bramleite, erf Kentnoky, in 1867, the laa- 
fuage givem in tlhe text waa, singular as it may now seem, acstually used.) 

Past Offis, Confedrit X Roada, 
.'X^€!h la in tlhe Stait uv Kentucky), 
Jannaiy 10, 1867. 

I -wvLZ rekested a week ago to prcech a dascounse froan the text wich the 
noblle and high-minded Guvner Bramlette used with sich crushing force in his 
last annual message, to wit: "Kin the Leopard t-hange his spots, or the Ethi- 
opdan his skin?" and alluz feedin anxious to do wait I Maa foo* the cause, I did 
it last nite, or rather essayed to do it. 

And here, let me remark, that there ain't a mtore devoted people in Ken- 
tucky than them lambs ez compose my flock. It wuz a teohin site, and one 
widh filled my sole with joy, to see em pour out uv the groceries at the first toot- 
In uv the horn, and to see Pennebacker, wich owns the Distillery, stoppin work 
to oome; but the most cheerin and encouragin sign to me wuz to see EXeekin 
Pogram, who wmz playin seven-up for the drinJks with EUder Slathers, at 
Bascom's, lay down his hand when he hed high lorw and jack in it, and hed only 
three to go. "EUder," sed he, his voice tremblin at the sacrifice he wuz a 
makin, and a teer stealin down his cheek, "Elder, them's the horn. Let ua to 
OUT dooties. 'ligion must take the front seat uv temp'raJ matters," and, aighin 
ez he cast a partin glance at Ms hand,he strode out reslootly to the senktoo- 
ary. 

I opened by readin the fdlerin from Guvner Bramlette's message: 

"The nagger is the inferior uv the white— he lacks the power to rise. Ontil 
the Leopard kin change his spots, or the Ethiopian his skin, all efforts to re- 
pea!! or nullify God's laws will be unavailin.'* 

"My brethrtn, these words is words uv wisdom, and for em let ns be thankful. 
The skin uv the Ethiopian wuz Inflicted onto him for the express purpose ui 
di<stingi«hin him from his brethrin, whose servants he -wuz condemned to be 
for all time, ez a prmdshiment for the sin uv Cain or the improodence uv Ham, 
^ich. Democratic divines hevn't settled on. With the black sldn he wuz 
^ven all the other marks nv inferiority. He wuz cust with long arras. Immense 
bands, flat nose, and bowed legs, and that ther mite be no nii«.t-ike in the matter, 
he wuz given wooi instead uv hair. Halldoogy! Wat a bJessid thing for us is 
tais Ethiopian! Wat a oonsjcdation it must be to yx» all to know tiiat tiier fa a 
Mce htSxfw rsBft, asid Vow bieaasd tiie teflecka&ua tbat ^iej oaa't dsan^ ihebs 



f4 The K'asbt LettM^ 

•kin, luad by thait meajis git ab<rre yoo! That's tSts aotrnfoirt ire draw from tibfe 

slfripters. Wat a. horror it wo-od be for Deekia Pogram, snoiriii so peacefly, ef 
wlien tlie Soopreme Ooiirt decides the Ablislm amendimenit uaiooiustoosthiil, and 
he gets his nig^g^ers back agin; ef ther dhaod be a aew ddispeinisashun, and 
cSgg'effa sihood be permitted to change ther skins! Wat sekoooity wood we hev 
for onr property? Some moniin he'd wake up and find eon all white persons, 
■^db it wood be unconstooshnel tio waliop. 

"My bre^hxan, thov has bin miany efforts to cihang;^ the skin uv the Ethio- 
pian, or rather ther hez bin many who wanted tfO. T!he Boston Ablishnists 
feev tried it, but wat hez bin the result? Ain't they niggers yit, and ain't 
they still the degraded wretches they allua wua? I paws for a reply." ' 

I made this laiLter reraark beooz it sounded well, not tlhat I hed any idee 
Kjiat anybody wood reply. Imagiuje my surprise at eieeiai a gray-headed nigger, 
widh hed bin, doorin and after the fratiis^dle struggle, employed in the Freed- 
tuen's Burow, rise, ajid remark that he bed a word to say on that pint. There 
wuz a srtorm uv indigiiashun, amd the impudent nigger, who wuz iso sassy ez 
m presoom to speak in a white meetin, wood hev bin sacrificed on the spot, hed 
I'ot Joe Bigler, who wuz half drunk, drawd a iigly4ookin navy revolver, and 
yejuarkin that he knowd tihat nagger, that ha tied miore isense than the hull 
bilin uv us, and he shood hev his say. 

"Ef," sed this reckliis Joe, "ef he beatia yoio, Perfesser, trooth is trooth; 
test's hev it. Ef he don't, why it's all the better for yoo. Ef yoor Websterian 
inteUeck kivers the ground, all rite; etf hU pooderoois intelleck gets the best on't, 
J 1st 62 rite. 'Out uv the mouths uv babes and suck'lins.' Elder, I go my bot- 
tom dollar on tlhis sucklin. Speak up, veijieirable; tihere wan't nomie uv em tech 
^'oo;" and ha oockt Ms revolver. 

"Beggin piardon," sed the nigger, **I agree with yoo, Perfeoser, that the 
lOthiopian can't change his skim hisself, bxit does tSie Scriptea* say that it can't 
be changed for him?" 

"Aniser the venei-ablo babe," sed Jo« BIgier, pstin his revolver at me. 

"I can't say that it does," sez I. 

"Very good," r^toorted the nigger, **hean't there bfcn a change goin <m in 
ECaintuck from t5ie beiginnin? My mot&er wuz as Mack ez a crofw — I'm oonsi<5- 
©jrable lighter— my wife's half iightes- than I am — my gai's diildren is a itolt 
lighter than tihetir mother, and I want to know wat Guvnear Bramlette's got to 
say to that. The wMte man ain't g?ot bo cuss on&> him, 1*ez Ihe?" 

"^eek up, Perfesser— the suckMa wantu foo to be pivunipt," sed Joe "Big- 
ger, 

I answered t^iat "he hed not— tiuU H wua p3ed onto Ham or Cain and 
ther descendipnts, and nobody ^s©.** 

"Very well, then," sed the nagger, **ea I am only half Ham or CJain, then uv 
course there's oaily half a ciu!« onto me, only a quarter onto my wife, only an 
eaghth onto my daughters, only a sixteenth oaitio my daughter's children, and 
ttiere'is lots uv niggers in this vicini^ wat Siezn't giot the t . ty-seoond or sixty- 
fouriai part uv it hangin to em. Guvner Bramletta also sed suthin bout nig- 
XTers beam degraded coz twuz tSbeir vAdhet, 4idn't be, and 4ihat edduca^en 
Vrotodent do for em?" 

"Professer," sed the toimentia Biirler, wicb hed just whisky enufl into him 
vo be ugly, "I must remind yoo that tihe partikeler babe and sucklia, out wtiase 
imoiasih yoor bein immensely condainaied, ezpex pnnnpt ansers.** 

I ansered thait stich wuz tJhe tentoor uv t3» Guvner's remarks. 

^^f that's true, why don't the m-ulattees come up faster? Ef if s tbe nsr 
itteal gtooijddity uv the nigger, the whita man ain't af^ted o^ (t, «ad iSub Bia> 



ia-ttw only ^If. I am 'qnainted with the befl uv tie peopie afOff« in«, and I'U 
bet my last year's wa^es, wick Deekiii Pogram ain't paid yit, tiiat half uv 
em can't rend any mo^r'n I kin. 'Pears to me I'd like to hev Guvner Br.im- 
k<te take the load off us for a year or t.vo and see whether we'd rise or not. 
We mo'atn't and then ag-in we mout. Bit 1 ruther think its a leeUo too much 
to put a mill-stone on top uv a man and then kick him for not gettin up." 

"Bully!" sed Joe Big-Ier. "Go on! g.j on!' 

"It ain't square playin to make laws agin our ridn, to flog us for hevin 
speliiu-bo>ks, and to make it a penitentiary offencje to loiiru to read, and to 
bum our .skool-houses and then because we ain't just ready to eonter college, to 
hssi'Sit on't that we are natorally incapable. And ajbove all, ain't it presoomin 
a little to dharge it onto the Lord? Aia't yoo mis/taken yoor oAvn work for 
h'izzeuT 'Praps ef Gu^mer Bra ml ette's father bed bin flogged for wantin to lenm 
tio read, and Guvner Braralette's mother bed bin brought up ez a feeld 
band, and the same Sftrategj' bed bin practlised on Guvner Bramilette's grand- 
father and great grandfather, and great, great grandfather, and great, great, 
great grandfaither, and his great — " 

"Hold on, venerable," sed Joe Bigler, "don't enumerate. Jest say his an- 
oestore, back to the identiele time they wiiz slaves to them Normans, wich held 
luB projenitoirs jist ez closely ez yoo've bin held, and iit'l be suffishent.' 

"I plead guilty to the big hands, flat nose, and bowd legs. Possibly the 
ftnst nigger bed om^ — possibly not. Ef Guvner Bramlette's ancestors bed bin 
icept at the hoe, his hands wood hev bin ez big ez mine; ef tliey'd borne burdens 
forever his l^s wood be bowed, and ef ther noses hed bin perpetooaJly smasht, 
Idzzen wood be flaitter than it is." 

"Hev yoo eny more questions to put to the Perfesser?" sed Joseph, 

"No," replied the Ethiopian, "I hev sed my say." 

"Them," said this Bigler, "I dismiss this congregas:hun, with tliis remark, 
ithat that nigger is under my proteotin care, and ef a single lock uv his wool is 
cfi«turbed, I shel feel it a solium but painful dooty devolvin upon me, to put a 
Tvall into the carcass uv each uv the offi'&hls uv this church, oommencin with 
itie Paster, and continuin all the way dawn to tlie scribe. Git!" 

And pe^l-mell the congregashen pile;! out — one over another. 

It will be necessary to dispose uv Jje Bigler someho\v. He lost wat prop- 

♦ifty he hed in the war, and is becomin exoeedinly loose in his talk. He can't 

tH> tolerated long. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 

(wich is Postmaster), and likewise Professor. 

ME. NASBY TEIES TO CONCILIATE THE AFHICAN. 

Post Oflis, Confedrit X Roads, 
(widh is in the Stait uv Kentucky), 
March 28, 1867. 
I hev made many sudden and rather 'straordinary changes in pol'tix-— some 
so very sudden that the movement perdoost oonje-^tion uv the cons'nence. I 
rekollect wimet uv advokatm free trade and high protective tariff, all within 
twelve hours (I made a speech in a agricultural deestrick uv Noo York in the 
f:>renoo(n, at 10 a. m., and in a manufacrunn town in Pennsylvany in the 
evenin, our platform bein so constructid that both sides eood find a endorse- 
ixjent in it), &nd hev performed many oth r feats uv moral gymnastiks; but this 
last change I hov bin called upon to m:ikG is probably tiie suddenest. Last 
week Toa'sdiiy, Deekin Pogram, Captain McPelter and I wuz en^^ed in liddin 
Hm Oorneira uv niggers. We hed endoord em ez loog ez we ttwt 



and detenatned «<a tftazsdBa H ifeo koagear. Seieetia tiuf«e, wicfti we ymz 8a.ti«fi<^ 
bod itoo miicli speiln-foook into em to bo eiiisiared agin, we wuz prepariii no- 
tices tk) be served onto em, oirderin em to leav« in twenty-four honrs, when I 
reseered ki the noailhem mail a letteflr marked "Free — Alex. W. Randell, P. M. 
G." I kmoiwd it wuz offishei to-wanst— 41hat blessed siguatoor is on my cosm- 
mdsshim, and I've eonteimplated it too often to be miistaJien in it. Its oontentB 
wuz bried", and run thus: 

"To all Postmasters in fh© Southern States: Th© niggefrs fher to tea — ooo- 
(rtliaslhen is our best hodt. See to it." 

This breef tho not hard to be understood order wuz sealed with the of&shd 
^>al uv tho Post Offis Depaiiimieait, staiopt into puttity iaistid ur wax, to wit: 
a loaf uv bread, under a roll uv butter, mth tea hajids a graibbin at it. I com- 
prehended the ssituation at sate, and set about do4ng my dooty wnithi Spartan 
firmaess. "Deekin," sea I, tarin up tihe n-otiiseis, "tfliese niggers we hev misun- 
d^Tsitotod. They are not a kiferior race — ^tihey are not desoendants 
uv Hajm and Ha^air — tt wuzu't Paul's idea in sendin 

back Onesimus to oomdemm him to Bervitocd — ^wo hev misunderstood the situa- 
tion, and must make amends. The niggeor is devoid tiv smell, and is trooly a 
man and a broither!" 

"Wat?" sez the Deekin, tippin back in amazemieat 

"Jest wat I say," sez I. "Recid that," and I flung him the letter. 

The upshot uv the confereaice -v^dch foUered wuz the oaHin uv a imeetin the 
next nite, at wicli all the Etbiopiams uv the Oornetps wuz invited and urged to 
bo present. 

Tbo troaible wuz to git the niggers to attend the meetin. The fust one I 
spoke to lafft in my fe.ce, and askt me how loing it wuz setose I hed helped hajig 
a couple uv niggers,, by way uv finishdin off <a celebrasheai. Pollock, the Illinois 
storekeeper, gsot hold uv iit, and told Joe Biigfler, and Joe swore ef the niggers 
hedn't any more seniso than we give em credit for, in sposdn we cood bamiboozle 
etn so cheep, he sihood go back to the old beleef, to wit: that they wuz only a 
sooperioir race uv moinkeys, after all; and by nite every niigger in the vicinity 
wnz postid thonougMy, and out uv all uv em I cood only git four who wood 
promiiso to attend, and them the Deeldn hed to pay $2 apiece to. To give 
it eklaw I promised one uv em $5 (to be paid at the close uv the meetin) to lit 
on tihe stand with me, wioh, bedn a very poor mian, and hevin a aick wife in m. 
shanty near by, who wuz sufferin for mediein« (wioh he ooodent git without 
money), he accepted. 

At this pint an idee struck me. I remembered Philadelphy, and determined 
to hev a scene rivailin tb& Couch and Orr biznSs. "Another thing, Cuff. Un- 
derstand that it's a part uv the baiigain that whem in my speech I turn to yoo 
and stomp, yoo must rise and embrace me." 

"Wat?" sez he. 

"Fall into my arms, k>vin-like— yoo imdeffstanld — ivuit na tho we wuz long^ 
lost brothers I" 

"Sense me," sed he. "I'se miity low nigger, and wants to buy de old woman 
some quinine, and wood do most an>'th5.»g foah datt; but, goUy, dat's Itoo 
much." 

"Not a cent," sed I, uterDly, assoonofta n^ roost piercinist gaze; "onlesss 
tias is included!" 

"Well," returned he, siillday, "ef I must, I speck I must; but, goJly— - 
Tlie nite arrived, and tho meetin-house wuz fuU. We thot fust ur hol^a 
It to the ohap^ uv the college, but give up the idea ez impracticable, ez, owin 
•o t2»o diaiytorin4B uv our Northern friends in foi-wardin sicb Kubseripsheoii m 



The Nasbt Lettk»«. TT 

they her raised, we hem't got no furtlier with tSae bfldin tham biyia Hhe cor- 
neor stim. In the front vniz the four niggers, all in clean Shirts, and on th« 
stand vniz the nigger I hed engaged. Over the platform wuz the foUerin mot- 
toes: 

"In Toonion there is strength— For President bx 1868, Fernando Wood. 
For Vice President, Frederick Duglis." 

*1n the nigger, strength— In the Caucaislheai, beauty— In tihe mulatter, wbto 
im tpooly the nolblest uv the human species — ^both." 

In addishen Ih these, we dug Uip all the old nKOttoes wich Jefferson writ, about 
jooniversail liberty, and ach, wich hedn't bin quoted in Kentucky for twenty 
yeajns, and postid em up; in breef, hed Wendell Phiilips* blessed spent been bor- 
erin over that metin-house, it wood her siidled approvinly. 

I spoke to em eilokently on the yoonirersal brotherhood uv man, holdin that 
whatever else cood be sed, Adam wuz the fatiher uv all mankind, and that the 
only difference between a white man and a nig:ger wuz, the nigger wuz sun- 
Ibumt. The nigger, I remarkt, wuz, ondoubtedly origenaily white; but hevin 
iiin, senoe his arrival in this countiy, adidicted to asricultoocral persoots, he 
<»ed become tanned to a degree wich, tho it marred his p'hysikle beauty, did 
\Mt interfere with his sterliu goodnis uv heart. Ther hed bin differences be- 
'iween the races — at times ther hed bin onpleasantnises wieh no one regretted 
oare than I. The whites uv the Confers hed not alluz bin ez consldrit ez I 
>V>ad hev wished. They hed flogd sevral uv em, and hung many more, and in 
Kfanes past hed heftd em in slavery and sich; but that shood not be thot uv at 
Ifcis happy time. It wuz constooshnel to do these things then, and Kentucky 
viuz eminently a law-abddin State. "Here," sez I, "on thi^ phitform, with the 
\hg uv our common country over me, I declare eternal friendship to the ool- 
»ired man, and to seel the declarashea I thus embrace — * 

The obstinit nigger didn i stir a step. 

"Oome up and fling yoor arms around me, you biack cuss," sed I, in a stage 
•lidsper. "Ck>me up." 

"No yoo don't, boss," sed the nagger, in a loud vodoe, wich wuz audible all 
Ker the church, and holdin out his hand. "I can't trust yoo a bressid minit. 
Drib me de $5 fust. Yoo owe dis chile f oah dollars now fo' sawin wood fo' yoah 
>ost offis, and ef we's gwine to hab our rites de fus yoose I shel put mine to 
will be the gittin dat money. Pay up fus, and de 'brace afterward. I can't 
do s5dh a disa^eeable ting widout de cash in advance." 

This ruther destroyed the effect. The unities wuzn't preserved. The m'g- 
gers in frooit bust out in a torturin laff, and Pollock and Bigler rolled in convul- 
shuns uv lafture, in wich half uv our people joined. Me a standin petrified, in 
tho attitood of embradn, and that cussed nigger standin with his hand 
extended for the money, with the Deekin and Bascom horror-struck jist behiud, 
fcf)ned a tabloo wich wuz more strikin than plea.sanit. 

The meetin wuz to-wuust adjourned, for it wuz evident to the dullest com 
p:^bens©n that nothin more coodent be done thait nite. Es yoosua!, I failed 
foif want uv capital. Hed I bin possessed uv the paltry sum uv five dollars, h.nv 
d'Trent wood hev bin the n'sult! Perch.mce we may, thro that deJisheiu-y, lose 
Kentucky. It must never occur agin— my salary must be raised. I can't make 
brix without straw. 

Joe Bigler met me next momin, and remarkt that he regrettid the occur- 
rence, ez he ardently desired to se^ the tNA'o races a pullin together. "The 
fault, Perfesser," sed he, "wua in not tiianagin properly. The next time yoo 
want a speetable nigger to sit on the plarform with yoo and the Deekin, or 
kies or embrace yoo— git him drunk. Hell do it then, prothably—I know he wilL 



1i Thb Nasbt Lbttum. 

Bf he*s drmA eiraff hell hnnuh for Jotnmon, and it's possible to sft en ikyym 
ta t3»e pint ur roitia witih yoo. Lord! how whiskey drags a maa down. See 
wat it's brot yno to!" and the msultin wretch rolled off, laffia boistesrously. 
"Git em drunk, Peirfesser!" h© yelled ez k>ng ez he oood see me. 

We don't inteaul Ijo gire it up. Bigler's adyioa wuz given in jest; but, ner- 
erthekss, I sheil act upon it. Whiskey is wai brings whiiite rmsn to us; and ef 
a wlute man kin be tihus capcherod, why nKD«t a nigger? The Afrikin hezn't got 
ez far to ftilil to git doiwn bo our level, and it'll take less to bring him. Bascom 
ordered five b«rrels to-day, wioh I spose the Admimstra^en will pay for. AVe 
her yet the Noo York Custom House, and more uv the perkesdts anust be yoosed 
foff poiitikle purpoises. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
(wich is Positmostec), and liketwise Professor. 

THE EUSSIAN PUECHASB. 

(The President wais overrun by the seedy place-hunters who joined his fact 
twxn in hope of attaining positions they never oould get otherwitse. The Blaif 
frmaly were camdidiUtes for almost every promdneat position in the government f 

Waishington, April 14, 1867. 

It's don©» Sewiard cEid it — him and me! The American eagle hez ooz now U 
•creem with redoubled energy. If the Naishmel bird wuz a angel, I shood re* 
mark to it, **Tooin yoor harp anoo;" but it ain't, and tberefore sach a pekes/ 
wood be ridiculous. This rapscdy hez reference to the Rooshen purchiis. 

The iidea origtniatid in these massive iiitelleck. "WTien I wuz here afore, 
the Blairs, all uv em, wuz a orowdin thu ^sainted John.son for a mishun. Cowao 
wantid a m&shun, andswdajd Doo?flttle; lamd that day pretty mu'Oh all uv the dele 
gates to »tihe Clevelaind. and Pliiladelp^hy Oonvenshcais had bim there, wantatf^ 
some kind uv a place; wat, they wuzn't partikeler. One gentie-maii, whoso 
nose (wiich trooly blossoimed as the lobster) betokened long service in the party, 
urged thajt he henj bin a delegate to both convensheniS. "Thank God!" sed 
Johmson. "Wood that both them conven*3ieiis hed bin made up uv the sam»» 
imeai. I wood then hev bin bored for places osoly half ez much ez I am." 

I wuz a helpin him out in my weak way. When the crowd wantin places 
became too great for human endooran •e, I wood say in a modrit tone, "Let's 
go ouit and git suthin;" aflid to-wunst fully half wkmxI exclaim, "Thank yoo, I 
don't keer ef I do!" It wuz a great relief to John.9on,but wuz pizen on me, 
With the most uv em, tihe angms.h, anxiety, and solissilotod in tihe gittin uv of- 
fises and free drinks wuz about an ekai thing. The ofiises they wantid wuat 
merely the means to that peirtikeler end; and so kmg ez they wuz gittin th« 
latter without the trouble uv the former, they wuz content. A good constoo- 
shen and a copper-lined stuimick carried me thro this tryln ordeol, until I 
came across a Boston applicauit, who, in consekence uv the pcrhibitory law, 
hed bin for gome time on short rashenis, and wuz keen set. Napoleon hed than 
met his WelMngtoin, and I succumd. Tho man's talent wuz wonderful. 

Sekreteiy Seward wuz in trouble about the Blair famaily. He hed did his 
level best for em. He hed appinied em iho collektei"shiips and furrin mishnns; 
but the orooel Senit, wich hed no respeck for us, tootk delite in fastening 
ur em onto us by perpetooally rcjectln em. .Test after a long siege by Mont- 
gomieiy and the old man, I s(jej>-tid the jsurc'his uv the Rooshen Territory, to 
\vich not oaaly they cood be sent, but a t' i - ^.md uv others wich we hed oov ooii 
hands; and the Sekretaiy wuz so pleased with the idea that he wept like ^ 
child. He set imanejitly about gittin tesLimonfials ez to tiha raiyoo ut the terri' 
toTf, to iuflooeace the Senlt in ratify in the treaty he wvz a coin to make. H«« 



Thb ^'asbt LETTEas. 79 

wrote to a caral officer about it, who answered rmxe proaxsp^ tibaji I ever 
knowd a naval offiser to do, ez follo-ws: 

"It's trcwly a splendid oountry! The trade in the skins ur -whita bears kin 
be, if properiy dtyelopcd, made enormous. There is seals there, and walruses 
so tame that they come up uv their own akkord to be ketched. 

"P. S.-^In casd the purchis shood be miade, a naval stashen will be neceii- 
88 ry. May I hope that my loug services <m the Floridy GoaiSfe will prove su.t- 
fisheot recommtiLdaiSheo for the command uv tlhe depot? May I? 

"I hev the homor to be," &c 

A distingnMied Perfesisor wrote: 

**The dimaite is aboait the style ur that tibey her in Washiaiton. The Gulf 
Stream sweeps up the coast, oausin a decided twist in the isothermal line, wicii 
hez the effeck uv naaldng it ruther sultry than otherwise. Anywheres for 
six hundred miles back uv the coast straw^berries grwv in the open air. I rec- 
onameud strongly the purchis. 

"P. S.— In case the purchis ia made, a exploriu expt-dishen will be neceih 
eary. May I hope that my sdentiffik attainments sro suffishently well kno<^o 
to yoo to recommend me ais a proper person to head the expedishen? May I'j! 

'*I hev the honor to be," et settry. 

The President wuzn't favorably inclined. He wuz full uv the old fogy ido^ 
that it wuz rather chilly there thani othe-rwiise. He hedn't faith in the Isothei' 
mal Ivine, and wuz skepticle about the Gulf Stream. It wuz his experienev 
that the further North yoo got the colder it wuz. For instance, he remarkl 
that while the people wu/. warm toward him in Ylrginny and Maryland, las^ 
fall, tht^v became very cold ez he got North. Wher wuz the Isothermal Lin* 
aua the Gulf Stream then ? 

Randall, who will hev his joke, remarkt tliat the isothermal line twisted, 
He notist that the people made it ez hot for em ez he wantid it ez fur North 
ez Cleveland; to wieh Sekretary Welles replied, tliat it only confirmed him 
in the opinion that for platin vessels uv war, iron wuz preferable to pine 
plank any time. 

SewaM removed the President's objections to-wunst. He read his letterw. 
wich set forth the beauties and advantages uv the oonntiy twict over. He,*-* 
wua whales, and walnisses, and seals and white bears, and pine-apples, aii^l 
Vheat, and sea-lions, and fields uv Ice the year round, in a oliniit ez mild au-l 
equable ez the meifidian uv AYashinton. The isothennal line wuz more acoon.- 
modatin ther than in any other part uv the world. It cork-screwed throu"-** 
the territory so ez to grow fine peaches for exportation to the States, and kt 
to the Sandwich Islands, side by sid:>. He drawd a picter uv the white bee/ 
a niiShiu over the line, and dissportin hisself in fields uv green peas! Ima<nnt. 
he remarked, the delicacy uv polar bear meat fattened on strawberrit^; Vhini 
uv tlie condishn the sea-lions must be in which leave tlieir watery lairs Vo 
feed on turnips yvidh grow above the GOth parallel; think uv— 

"It won't do," sed the President. 

"Tliiuk uv," retortid the Sekretary, with a quicknis uv intellek remark 
able, '"thiuk uv gettin rid uv the Blairs forever!" 

"Will Ablishn Senit ratify the treaty?" askt Johnson, eagerly. 

"I con>'ei.<L with many on the subjick, and they sed ef we cood promise 
that the Blaire would accept posi&hens ther, they wood do it cheerfly. For 
aeh a purpose, sed one uv em to me, $7,0CX),000 is a mere bagatelle." 

"I'll do it," sed Johnson. "I agree mth the Senators for once. Rath*-* 
than hov It fail. I'd pay it out uv Mrs. C-obb'a share in our jmt spect>lashei>A. 



80 Th£ IS'ajsBY LjtTTms. 

Freedom from the Blair family! Grood Heyin^a! kin ome man be »o blest? 
Is tiler sicli in store far me? $7,000,000! Pish!" 

My opinyun being askt, I gire it Ez lietfty ez tihe vaactieir is from a (jom- 
merahl stan-pint, in a politakle pint uv view, tihe advandgis will be still hef- 
tier. The Eooshn tearitory will finially be the diosen hoime uv the Dlanok- 
risy. Ther is aireaxly a popula&hen thsre axiaptid to us, -v^-iio kin be maniyu- 
latid withooit trouble, and the oHmit is favorable to a stricMy Democi-atic 
populashen. Th« trouble with us here is that the amount uv likker neces- 
sary to the manufakter uv a Democrat kills him afore he hez the opportoon- 
ity uv votin many times, wich keeps us in a perpetooal minority. Our strec^fth 
is, for elimafcic reasons, our "weaknis. Far cMffrent is it in Roosha. Ther the 
happy nativ may drink his quart ped day— the bracin atmosp'her© makin it ab- 
sloody nessary for him, Ther is the troo Deano-^rttic paradise. How ofCen* 
hev I sighed for sich a coLmtry. Theoi, agin, taior are posisheais uv profit. The 
delegates to Oongris will, ef I thev figgn-red it rightly, draw about $15,000 per 
sesaon, mileage, widh is $30,000 per year, $60,000 per term. He oood afford 
to serve without the paltry $5,000, wich wiaod be cheap legislation, indeed. 

And so it wuz agreed upon, and thy treaty wuz made by telegraph at a 
expense uv $20,000. Before it wuz finely conclooded, so-me other little inci- 
dentals wnz inclooded by tihe Zar, wich run the price up to $10,200,000, but 
that wuz nx>thin for us. Seward went at his work with gr^t energy. The 
purchis wuz divided into six territories (for the numiber uv delegates to our 
oonvenshens wuz large, and they all ksd to be provided for), wich wuz named, 
respectively, Johnson, Seward, Oowan, Doolittle, Randall, and Welles. For the 
one in the extreme North, the furthest off, Frank Blair wuz appdnted Gover- 
nor; for the next, Montgomery; and the next, the old man, and tihe other three 
wuz held in reserve for the pure but nrf ortunate patriots wiidh might be here- 
after rejected for the Austrian mishun. A list wuz prokoored uv the delegates 
to our various oonvenshuns, and tihecc ez h-^ bin inartyred by the Senit; 
ther names wuz put into a wheel ez at Gift EntiirpTises, and the Judge-ships, 
Marshialships, (lerfeshdi«, et aettry, wuz drawd by lot. This ijee waz sejcst^-d 
by Postmaster General Randall, ez bela tlie ee^est way uv dodn it. 
He stated that the appintments from Ms department hed al- 
luz bin made in this manner, ez it saved tiunte in eggsaminin pe- 

tnticais, cirtifikets uv fitnis, and sich. In this way, about ez near ez I kin esti- 
mate, tw^o per oenH ur thiose claimin iK>si^ens at our hands hev bin provided 
for. 

Tlie idea is capable uv unlimited extenisdion. The Administration fedin the 
releef it hez gin em, are already negotiotin for the Briti-sh Provinces. This 
territory kin, by makin uv em a little smaller, be divided ap into — say, forty 
— -wMch, by makin a few more offises for each, and beia Mbral with exploiin 
expedishuns and eiicii, will be suffishent to gave places to afll who really have 
claims upon us and who are pushin na. 

The President breathes easier, and the Secretary is placid ez a Summer 
momin. He hez cut tihe Gordian knot; he hez redeeved hisself uv the boa 
ccnstriiokter wicih wuz crushin him in Its folds. Happiness pervades the White 
Hkmse. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
(wich ia Postmastar), and likewise Professor. 

THE TRIP TO EALEIGH 
(Senator WlXson, of Massachusetts, Representative KeUey, of FoDadelphia, 
Bad oliier prominent Republicans, in 1867, made the tour of the Soathem 
Stiatefl, deliveainjT addresses tn the pnacipal cities. To ceuti-alize the effect 



•f fS^lr sp^AiklB^ Pr^wadeat Jobagon det.^nisned ta fttHorrr t&esa, aad tfce I&yis:^ 
of tine oomer-stone of a loonument, to the memory of his fathea*, who died ha 
Raldg-h, N. C, many years before, wa.^ made tflio oocasLon tlierefor. Mr. 
Xasby's account of the trip is but little exaggerated. It was as exquisitely 
absurd as the great Chicago excursion.) 

Post OflBs, Confedrit X Roads, 
(wioOi is in the Stait uv Kentucky), 
June 10, 1867. 
I acoompanied the President to Rawly. 'Die President doesn't fe«I safe 
at goin anywhere without me to arrange the deitails, and do the nice financeer- 
In wich is necessary. 

The Rawly trip wuz ^e occaaian of a serious truble in the Cabinet, The 
Presideint wuz in favor uv it. Ez he ded, he wuz essenshelly av a filial per^ 
suasion. He bed alluz experienced, a most conso-^min lova for his parents, per- 
ticklerly for them on his father's side. He bed swung around the entire cirkle 
uv offishel honor, and hed found traitors era all scdes; but he cood lay his 
hand on his heart and say that he hed never knowed a troo man but who, «t 
Bc<m« period uv his life, hed a father. Why, then, shood we not honor our fath- 
ers? How cood it be better dun than by layin oomer-stuns ? His father deceest 
in 1812, and it wuz time that this dooty wuz attended to. Besides, at thia 
cryas in the affairs uv the cor.njtTy, widh Wilson and Kelly a snortin through 
the South, he feflt it wood be a good thi.^g to show ourselves. 

Seward felt that it wuz well to go. Filial love wuz r-harmin. Shakspeer, 
who wuz ez JTistly celebrated ez a dramatist ez ome he cood men shun wuz for 
dlpl«>matic telessTPaffiR. remarkt, "How sliarper nor a serpent's tooth it is to hev 
a thankless child."— the truth of which he hed experienced, ez he hed been 
styled the father uv the Repubiicoji party; but that wnz not to the pint. It is 
the dooty uv every son to lay comer-stuns. In this oase it wooil, perhaps, her 
bin more creditable bed It bin dun fifty years ago; but wat difference is it? 
It is natrol ez we are abo,;t being- gathered to oiw fathers, that we shood re^ 
member em. Besides, he hed a little spt-ech wi':^ he felt he'd like to delivr. 

He wanted to bear testimiony to the patriot&sra uv the son uv Jacob Johnson 

pr.rticulariy to our colored brethren in Nortih Carfiny, who hev bin listeoia to 
Keily and Wilson. 

Randall aidu't bleeve in it at all. He made bold to say Ihat ez the deceest 
Johnson hed slept without a comer-stun for fifty-five years, he'd manage to git 
elong without it for a while longer. It wuz rather late in the day. He bleeved 
in feel in sorrowf^al over the decease uv our relatives, but he dadn't go much 
on doin It fiftv-five years after date. It wuz too much like bnstin into tears 
over the suffrins uv the lost ill-a^s uv yer wife's great grandnw^er. The 
ftpeeches he didn't blc-eve in at all. He bed sea-n some uv it— he hed accompa- 
nied one toi^r uv the kind. He hed bin on it. He wuz at Olevelaud, at In- 
dtanapolis, and Springfield, Illinoy. He begged to be excoosed. He didn't 
keer about tailin sich a kite agm. Ef the people uv the South shood receive 
us ez corjelly ez thg pe-^ple uv the Nor.h did, he pi^ferred co consult his feel- 
ins, and be absent. He wnz a eemsitive plant, and disliked v'^um things. Bf 
bis memiory serv-ed him rite, the demon stra-sh ens coodent be c-onsidered flatter- 
LD. The people didn't fling dead cats at uj3. but they did wuss. A^Tiere they 
wuz cold, they wuz rather too cold. AVhAre they wuz in a volatHe hnmor, they 
wuz rath?r too lively. He hed about m-^de up his mind that it wuzn't uv any 
yoose to fite it out on that line ef It took all summer. Success is a dooty* 
^nt when snccess is as impossible ez water in the great Salmra, wafs th« 
joose? \\li.:;a:«ifore straggle? Let us go slow, draw o^or salaries bo the end uv 



OTur 'Bpectire terms, and eso lire tihM wliea die summosis oomes to j^ut tibn ift- 

DoanDerable caravan that moves out uv Wasliintoia to'ardis tlheir 'spective 
homes, we gro not like the dusty slave at nite, wat's bet Ms all om two pair, bxit 
sc-otlied and sustained by wat we saved — go like omie wbo'is got tlie where- 
withad t» live. It wuz a source uv comfort to him to know tihat tihe worst 
men wuz soon forg-otten. Who ever speaks uv Tyler, or Peerce, oa- Bukau 
non, now? Benedict Arnold is only spoken uv on Fourth uv Julys, and Judls 
Iscariot on Sunday®. It will be so with us in time, for wicth thank the Lord. 

But it wuz determined to go, and I wuz sent to Rawly to find v\iiere the 
Crav© uv the homored father uv our honored President wuz reely looattd, au-J 
ti> make other arrarngements. I hed difficulty i!n locatiii the grave, aud aiu't 
j-est rihoor that I found the right one. The people uv Rawly wuz anxious 
to bev it come off, ez trade* wuz dull in the retail Sue; and for fear that 1 
wood report that tihe grave ooodent be found, and thus nip their buddin hopes, 
they giv me the dhoice uv fifteen. Selectin the most eligible, I made the uther 
arrangements and returned. 

The efggscurzion conti-astid very favorbly witih t5ie on© we took last fall 
'rhe people receeved us at every stasheu with the most affectin demonstrashen^ 
viT luv. "Joiinson! Johnson! Johnsion!" they yelled at eadh stoppin place, wiclj 
mounded sweeter in his ears and mine than the damnalble iterashen of "Grant ! 
Grant! Grant!" widh gr^etid us at every pSnt Noirth. But their wuz drawbax 
to our enjoyment. No sooner wood the Presidaiiit cofloamence, *'FelIow-cati- 
Kens!" than Randall wood pull the bell-rope, and off tihe trane wood start He 
wuz determined that tihe President shouldent speak, wioh put me to a grate deel 
av trouble, ez after we arrived I hed to write o»ut and telegraph to the papoi*s 
the speeches the President wood hev nkade. 

At Rawley, General Battles welcomed the Presidential party, and the 
Presidenit responded. He remarked that in Rawley he first opened his tendei- 
eiyes, a penniless boy. Here is the scene uv his childhood ; here is everything t j 
l?ind TTia^n to his fellow, and to assocdate him with that with wich he is asso- 
ciated; here is wlier t3ie tenderness uv heart her taken holt upon everything 
t» wioh fit hez attached itself. But he wuz wandrin from his subjick. His) 
inind went back to the day he left this city a peni:allees boy. Where is them 
k.e left beMnd him? He begged to inquire where is the scenes uv his child 
Ifood? Wheire's the Hay woods? 

"Killed at Antietam!" shouted a returned Oonfedrit. **I wuz l^ William's 
Hide when, he wuz shot.** 

"Where is the Hunters?" 

"Runnin a distillery at Waxhaill's court Tiouse," sed tibe same fellow, who 
l^ot the President really wantid to know. He wtjz ohoked down, and the 
l*res£dent proceeded: 

"Wher is the Roysters and the Smithses, the Brorwnses and the Joneses? 
Wher is tihe long list uv men that lived at that day, and who, like me, com- 
mand r-ispeck for constiincy of devoshen? I feel proud ur this deoionstrashe]! 
— I fe^ proud uv any demonstrashen. Ez alloosion hez Ibin made to my boyhood 
days, when I wuz a penniless boy, I may say here, ez pertinent to tSiat sub- 
5©ck, that I hev adhered to the fundamental princdples uv the gov'ment, and 
fo the flag and Oonstooshen. But to return to my subjeck. When I went 
out from amjong yoo a penniless boy, I adoptid the Oonstooshen ez my guide, 
and by them I hev alluz been guided. To the young I would say that thej 
will be safe in takin me ez a model. Leavin here a penniJLess b(^, it is not for 
ma ta say whether or not I hev succeeded. I am ao longer a penniless boy, 
nor Is ihtam wic^i aire poamd me. Mrs. Ootbb ain't a peaniless boy; nor U — 



Hut tkifi 5a wanderiE from the nibj^ck. FVxr tfae «DECO>urai:enw«t ut 1S» jimsa^ 
n.en aijie uie, 1 wood say, that 1 bev enjoyed all I cajpe for. I am no aspirant 
for nuthin, aad therefore the Tray is now open for em. All places uv honor is 
uow before em. I thank yoo for this .^orjel welcom. North Carotliny sent me 
out a penniless boy, and did not afford me sidh adrantages ez, considerin my 
njerits, I ought to hev had; yet I luv hp. It's better ez it wuz. Goin out a 
penniless boy, and retiimiu after hohliu every offis, from Alderman uv my 
adopted village up to President, shows my qualities to much better advan- 
tage than ef I hedn't gone out a penniless boy. I thank yoo for this tribute 
to my many good qualities." 

And he startid to go down, when Rrjidall whdspered suthin in his left eax. 
Risin promptly, and diuwin out his ha nkei-tiuef , the President assoomed a 
l'X>k uv subdood greef, and resoomed. 

"I hev come among yoo to participate in the dedlcashen uv a monument 
to a man wich yoo all loved, tho it hez taken suthin like fifty years for yoo 
to diskivir it. He wuz poor and humble, wich akkounbs for my goin from 
among yoo a penniless boy; but uv him I am proud — for hed it not bin for 
him, I woodent hev returned the shinin example to yoo young men wieh I am." 

The corner-stun wuz laid, and the monument set on it. It is uv red lime- 
ptone, tein foot high. It's ez good a ten foot uv stm respeek ez ther is tn 
ITorth Caxliny. Ez the monument wuz elevated, ther wuz appropriate speeches 
j«nd then my little arrangc^ments cum in. A rigger woman I hed took with 
j\s from Washingtoaa rushed for ard, and sed, "P>less de Lord, I've bin a waitin 
("or dis day to see the PresidtMit — >.)ur President!" at vdch a squad uv nigger* 
["d pieked up and drilled, hollered **"IlorI" 

This little affectin sceen over, two quadrcons, wich I'd also hro'i 'vith rg 
In a pri'it car, cum for' ard \Nith a expressi«.n uv profound gresf, at wich the 
rresidei'c wept, and t.^nd-'ly slung lokays uv the choicest dower* we cood 
I iiT in Washington, up.m iho tomb. 

It wuz reely a techin taibloo. The ancient nigger womaji a holdin tbe 
yresident's land; the young quadroons a sliugin the bokays; the President with 
^»(s head bowed, apparently a dreamin uv the days uv his boyhood; me with an 
.expression uv thankfulness that the niggers hed at last recognized their Moses; 
T^eward with a saintly smile on his face; Welles tryin to look ez near like 
l':^ewal•d ez possible, but failin miserably to look Hke anything but the eggrejis 
i)!d ass he is. and Randall with his handkercher to his eyes ez ef onmanned 
'by the movin sceen, but keepin one eye cocked over the handkercher to see 
how it took among the niggers. It wuz a sceen easier to be imagined than de- 
scribed. 

Ther wuz incidents which occurred widh dad not appear in the telegraph. 
When His ExcellMicy wuz speekin uv himself, and remarkt that his race wuz 
nearly run, a unregeneratod nigger yellod out, "Tank de Lord!" And wheo 
the quadroons wuz a strewin tlowers o:i the grave uv His Excellency's father, 
I obser\'ed rather more titterin among the naggers than I ai)proved uv on so 
solemn an occasion. I askt Randall what he thought uv the speokelashen, and 
his answer, "It don't pay I" struck me ez havin a vane uv trooth nmnin through it. 

On our return, the President wuz allowed to speak more, for RaudaU got 
tired of watchin him. We returned in good health, and some wuz in goc>d 
•T'iiits. Sevvard feels well, for he hez an abidin faith tliat the mere showin 
uv hisself aUuz hez an effeck for good upon the people, and ez a matter uv 
course Secretaxy Welles thinks so to. 

'PETROLEL'M V. NASBY, P. M. 
(wich is Pastmaster), and likewise Professoi; 



S4 TS£ l^ASSY liSl'TJ&ltS, 

AK AMNESTY FEOCLAMATIOH. 

(The liberal and sfcretwd us© of patronage was all that saved tihe Pr«»W1»m4 
tiHum iimpeaclimeiLt. Ilieire were Republican Senators who -weire oi)posed to it 
an leg-al grounds, but there were others wHio were too deeply indebted to th* 
Preeideiat to rote for impeacshment.) 

Post Offis, Oonfedrit X Roads, 
(wicb is In <Qie Stait uv Kentucky), 
September 10, 1867. 

I •imz brot to Wasihinton by a dcspateh. Hia Eggislency bed at last de- 
tMraAoed to pint bis foot down — to assort bis xwwer, and to take measures sich 
ea WKwd bring to the top, where they properly belong, that large class uv the 
dti^'fvn.g uT the Republiic who (wuz engnged in tbe little orapleasantnis, wicb tbe 
-A n lists took advantage uv to deprive em uv tbedr rirbefit, and to keep em 
fix>ia exefrdsSm tbe inflooence In tbe go^ermnent tbey are, and aMuz wuz, en- 
titled ta In ehoiFt, ez Conigress wuz adjourned, and ooodenit, by no means, 
be got toge»tber till November, iho Presddeait wuz ooofvinoed tba* It wuz his 
dooty to improve b& time, and be reelly President. 

TIbe oottiisulitatttion over tbe Proclamar " wuz losag and painful. Binckley, 
iV'bo is n-ow runnin tbe govefmmeint mo c\ wriftten the wbereases, wicb 

(s the most uv tbe document. Seward h. . d onto em tbe Prodamatdon 

pivjipep, widh wuz sa small ez to give it a t id-poile appearance, and it wuz to 
be discussed. All uv em wuz in favor uv it but me. Ez anxious ez I wuz for 
tbe libeffiasben uv our friends in tbe Sauthorn States; ez amnous ez I wuz to 
give that blessfid saint, Deekin Pogram, a cbance to wallop a nigger agin afore 
be dit^d, witbout bedn interfereed with by a bloo-ooated birelin, I still bed a 
dread. "Dare yoo," sed I, **go fuiiiier in this biznifs? Isn't impeachment at 
tbe end uv it, ef yoo stir up this matter? And with Wade in the Presidential 
cbair — ^my God! Pollock wood bev my post-offis! My liege, I bed a dream 
last nite. Methawt — " 

"Gro on with tbe dream," eed His Bggslen<^. "GrO oai, and I will be yoor 
Josepb to interpret it.** 

"Kin yoio assoom the earacter uv Joseph, and carry it out,*' ted Randall, 
**wr:th Mr*. Cobb in Wasbinton?" 

Thaa imterrupshen preventLd me from narratin my dreem, ao I resooaned 
at tbe pint at vtidh I wuz interruptid. "And my opinion is tbe opinion uv all 
yoor appantees. Tbe offis-bolder is nateraUy a Comservative. Agita-sbun, my 
Keg©, mate sh^ake us out uv our places. On yoo we bang— yoo are our bope, our 
anker and our chief est trujst." 

And my remarks, wicb I delivered with a trembKn rodce, and with teers 
ro31in diown my furrowed cheeks — I felt tbe soiemnity uv tbe oooaision, for wat 
oood I do ef turned ouit Into tbe cdd world at my a^? — wuz reoeeved with 
peafls uv laf ture. 

**My deer sir!" sed A. J., **j0ar famosenice surprises ate. Irapeacb me! 
Neveof, so long ez filial and family love is a diistingiiis'bin carakteristic uv the 
leedln minds uv America — ^never, so long ez a Sanator bez a nephew to provide 
fior, or a br-oitb<er wtho wants a place. Ah! that love uv blood relasbuns! Wat 
a beautiful thing It is! And bow strong is the marriage relatloei wicb prompts 
a m.aa, wbem bo bez promised to love, cherish, and protect a wife, to go cberish- 
isa and protectin all ber bpotbers' and sisters' children — 'th& leve godn frekently, 
like lejproey, to the third generation! Thank the Lord for it! It's my only bolt! 
Set yoott' mdnd at eeze by perooadn these," c^cd be tost me a bundle uv letter% 
neatly dose up, and labelled "Letters from Radicle Membero uv tbe Houae 
•M Seait.** 



TtiK ^ASBT LSTTfU. 85 

A Kte daiTD^d onto me ez I c^^ened th« first one. It wnz froan & dbttia- 
giiisshod Seiiator, and re.ul, ez near ez I kin remeanber now, thus: 

Senit Chamber, March 6, 1867. 

'*To tlhe. Pre^'dent: Notwithstandin tihe silite djffereuce uv opinion that may 
e^zist betu'een us on certin miuor que-vijons uv publi<' po'licy, and dev^pite tie 
unguarded erpressions I may hev iuduli^ed in in the ht>e<t uv d^^bate, I kin trooli' 
Bay that I hev ever cherished tlie most endoorin faith in tlio recti tood in' 
foar intenshuns, the huuesty uv yoor pu!'pa:?e, and the purity uv yod' 
motives. I hev a nephew in my S^ate w-ho desires the pi^Hsishen uv Assei 
Bor uv Internal Revonoo. He is capable and hunewt; and wliHe he hez allu i 
TOti^i the Republican ticket, he hez duu it so mildly ez not to be objcckshei, 
Rbla tx) those who differ witih him. Indeed, la^st fall he wuz accoosed, and per 
trps justly, uv votin for a eaniiidate for Congress who wuz a supporter iiv yoo' 
policy, wich, tiho I do not in all re<specks accept, hez, 1 m\ist acknowk-dgo 
many pints in it to recommend it to a discriminatin people. I shoni esteejj 
bis noniinashen a persnal favor. 

"With sontimenoe uv the most profound respect and esteem, 

'*I remain admirinly yours, 

« w 

**P. S. — ^It i», I trust, onneeessary for me to state that I regard all projecl^ , 
of tmpeachmeat ez wild, visionary, onneeessary, and dangerous; ami no aio. i 
ptpojeck kin ever re^seeve my support. I forgoti to menshrin th4 i 
a brother uv mine who he/- never taken a part i- 1 

politn<s, and bez, therefore, his opinyuns to orjranize. wood gladly accept an i 
pc^isheu under the government, and a brolber-in-l iw woodent be averse to sin • 
lar employment. It's a matter uv no eon-<ekeuce to yoo, uv coorse. but 1 she I 
o<ppo«» the reassemblin uv Congress till the regler tame in December. I an \ 
inflexibly ospposed to establishin dangerous precedents. Shotxl yoo make tti > 
appi-ntments I dessiro, I kin git em confirmed by the Semt, ez well ez an ekn i 
number uv yoor own appintmenits. In matters uv thia kdnxi tJier must be com 
prcumses.'* 

In my surprise I uttered a prolonged whistle. '"Fnem appintments wti 
made,'* «ed His Eggslency, with a sardonicle smile. "Thein appintments vrw 
made. Read another — there's a varied and well-selected assortni "nt uv em 
The Senit is my fish-pond. I drop ny hook therein, baited with a Asse.ssorship 
■Old bless me, bow they bite at it! Go on!" 

"Senit Chamber, March 7, 1867. 

'*To tlhe President: I am, ez yoo are aware, known ez a Radical; but be- 
tween generous foes tbere kin be n-one of tlhat terrible spirit uv blind hate 
which characteinzes some uv my assic'ates, who shel be here naniolss. I 
will »ay, however, thait ef the Senators f :'om Masi^achoosetts. and some orb rs I 
cood menshun, wood resine or die, they wood confer a favor upon the country. 
I oppose yoo becoz I differ with yoo, ez does my state: but that opposislien hez 
never lessened my hig'h admiraishen uv your patriotism, yoor even temper, or 
tlhe many gotod qualities uv yoor bead and heart, 'wach shine o'.it so coiispick- 
uous. I hale you ez a worthy successor uv the first A. J. I hed not intended 
to mix things persnel to myself in this friendly trilboot, but will do violence 
to my feelins by observin that the posishun uv Coileetor at is admir- 
ably adapted to a cousin uv mine, whose talen^ee ez a lawyer hez never bin ap- 
preciated by those who know him best. He agrees with me that impeachment 
fa not to be thot uv, and that sessions uv Congress, other than reglar ones, is 
v.selis. Shood yoo be pleased to make the appintment, I shel be proud to 
return the favor in any way i)ossible. Ef it wood3nt be askin too much, a son 
uv mine wood be glad to serve Lis country ez a Inspecter uv Revenoo. In- 
heritfcn from me devodhun to our common oounrtxy, be burns to devote himself 
to her service. 

"With Bentim«at» uv profound respect, 

"I am, yours, as ever, 

**rheiD appintments wuz made also," sed ^e great man, "and three or 
four more throwd in when he found how cheep he cood get em. He visited me 
after I lied given him aiU he asked for, and we hed a fiieodly interchange ut 
Tiewa. He permated in di^eztn with mo: bu:t ez wa ];>artld« I aakt him ef th€^ 



^^ The Nasby LEXTiias. 

WTizn't iist one more appintmenit lie waated? Jist one loare? Throwin hlra^f i 
oa my neck, he exclaimed, 'Not ane! Not oee! My brottieis, tmy brothers- vn- 
law, my nephews, and tihe doubtful members uv the Le^slacher wich finally 
conclooded to vote for me, are all provided for.' Bless the Lord for 4'h<* j 
appmtin power! The biznis uv tradin birth-rites foo- messes uv pottage he i 
gnn with Esaw; but, thank Heven, it didn't end with him!" 

It wuz unnecessary for me to read more. I hed seen enuff to satl»f:r 
me that the integrity uv one third uv the Senit wuz rather honey-combed, an<J^, 
like a rusty musUt, not stroag enuff at the brooch to bear a severe trial with- 
out dangv3.r uv bustin. I saw precisely wat wuz the rock on wich we stooxH, 
and what a citadel it wuz. Kin these men, with theie letters in the hands nr 
our respected cheef, and t3ier relatives all a drawin rashens, turn and rend 
the hand wich feeds em? CJood I do it?— and ain't they even ez I am? 

So the proclamasihen wuz ishood, and I went home a feelin good. We «ha>i 
yet wallop niggers in Kentucky; we,shel yet redoose em to ther normal speei; 
our affiieted brethren in Teamessee will yet vote, and them not amnestied wi/J 
be s-poshly pardoned ez ther superior merits deserve, and withal ther will be J^i*, 
impeach m.ent. For w^her the carkis is, ther will be the buzzards also, and >h> 
hev the control uv the carlds. Some uv the buzzards are so gorged with ow* 
kis that theiir eyes is shut— enuff uv em to inshoor our posishen till the &ttH 
uv oiur term. lit is weJl witih us. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
(wich is Postmaster), 

THE OHIO STATE ELECTION, 1867. 

(Ohio, the m'ost raxEcal of the Western States, voted down the Am©ndm«<n4 
striking the word "w'hite" out of her ooDsititutiion by an enormou'S majorit?'. 
The result was as mortifying to the liberal men of the United States as it ■««• 
gratifying to the rebels and their Nortjhern coadjutors.) 

Post Offis, Confedrit X Roads, 
(widh is in the Stait uv Kentucky), 
October 12, 1867 

Feelin that the time hed arrived which wuz to decade whether 7,000 degi-atN'id 
niggers wuz to grCnd 500,000 proud Caucashena into the dust, I felt that ef I 
sbood fail 5n my dooty now, I shood be forever disgraced. Accordingly, I p\tt 
in the eleckshun day at a Dimocratie touTi in Ohio— the battle-field-^;he Tde^i- 
tdkle place into wich I made a speech doorin tlie campane. 

I arrived ther on the imomin uv the eleclishun, and found that compei" 
hensive arrangements hed bin made for defeatin this most nefarious and da«K 
gerous ppoposlshen. Paradin the streets ez eariy ez 7 a. m. wuz a wagon coiw 
taining 25 virgins, runnin from 27 to 39, the nw>st uv em rallier vnij in tex- 
ture, and over their heaxis wuz banners, wL'tih the folloiwin techin inscriptions'.' 
"Fathers, save us from Nigger Ekality!" "White Huslbans or iNone!" It 
wood hev bin better, I thot, hed they bin somewhat younger. Ther wuz sutl^i 
preposterous in the ijee uv females uv that age oaliSn upoai fathers to savtt 
em from anythin, when in the course of uacher their fathera must hev bin a 
lyin in the silent tomb for severail consecutive years, onless, indeed, they mar 
ried young. Ef still livin (I judged fr>m the aged appearance uv the dajisels), 
their pai-ents must be too far advanced in years to take an activ part in biznia 
In another wagon wuz a oolleckshun uv men wich h<rd bin hired from the nail 
rode, twelve miles distant, w^hose banners read, "Shed ignerent Niggers vo<r»i 
besid« inteUigdnt Wite men?" Hangin over the poils wxiz a broad piece o.» 



The Nasby Letteiis. S7 

w^hite muaiBii^ onto -wicih was paintt.^, in large lettere, "Oaucashuuis, Respeck 
yer Xoses— the nigger stinks!" Then I knowed it wuz safe. That odor hez nerer 
yet bin resi:?ted by the Democrasy, and it bez its inflooence over Rr-iiablikins. 

I never saw sic3i enthoosiasm, or mare cbeeiin indicasibi\us r.\ ihe pride ut 
race. Ez evidence uv tlhe deep feeliu that porvaded that comuiu.utjr, I state 
tliat nine paupers in the poor-house demanded to be taken to the polls, tjiat 
they mi^ht enter thedr protest agin brii;gln the nigger up to a ekaHty with 
em, wioh wmz nine gain with no offsets, ez ther wiizn't a Ablishnist in ihe 
lit5titxx>shim. Two mem ia the county jale for petty larceny, wuz, at their own 
r«*kest, taken out of doorence vile by the Sheriff uv the county, that they mite, 
br the ballot, protest agin bein degraded by bein compelled, "when their time wuz 
odt, to acknowledge the nigger ez their ekal. One enthoosia^tic Dimekrat, 
\>ho cost us $5, hed to be eanied to the poills. He hed commenst early at 
09ie uv the grooeries, and hed succumbed afore votin. We founS^ ^m sleepin 
F^»acefully in a bam. We lifted the patriotic man, end in percession marched 
tra- the polls. We stood himi on his feet, tAvo men supportin hnTn — one cm either 
ulde. I put a straight ticket into his fingers, and takin his wrist with one 
kcinjd, held his fingers together with tother, and guided his hand to the box. Ez 
\i neared the winder, he staaited ez ef a electric .shook hed struck him, and, 
wtraightemn up, ajsked^ "Is it the slhrate ticket? Is Constooshnel Amind- 
.'•oint No! onto it?" 

Ashooriu him that it wuz alll rite, he suffered me to hold his hand out to the 
Jfxidge uv Eleckshun, who took the ballot and deposited it in the box. "Thank 
Hivin!" sed he, "the nagur is not yet my ayqiiil!'' and doublin up at the thigh 
i\aA knee-joints, he sank, limber-like, and gently, onto the grwmd. Ez he hed 
(Visdharged the doofty uv an Amerikin fi^eeman, we rolled him out to one side 
itv the house, wher the drippin uv rain from the roof wood do suthin toward 
Kyberin him off, and left him alone in hiis glo'ry. 

The amendment got but a veiy few votes in that locality. The Republikins 
I.^aed us in repudaatin it, mostly upon ethuologikle grounds. One asserted that 
^e hed bin in favor uv emancipashen ia time uV war, becoz the Afrikins cood 
Kiereby be indoost to fite agin their Southern masters, and it wood hev the 
Kffeck UT makin the drafts come llght-r in his township. He wuz a humani- 
««irian likewise. He ofpposed crooelty toward em. He wept when he heerd uv 
tide massacre at Fort Filler, becoz in the army the nigger 
wuz ez much, a man ez anybody, and sich wholesale d^augh- 
ters tesudid to make calls for "5fK),000 more" more frekent. But when it 
come to givin em the privilege uv votin beside him, it coodeait be thot uv. He 
tfood never consent that a ra.ce whose heels wuz longer than hizzen shood rool 
.Lmeriky. "My God!" sed this ardent Kepublikin, "ef yoo give em the ballot, 
vrat kin prevent em from bein Congrismcn, Senatai-s, Vice Fre>i dents, and even 
l*re6idents? I shudder when I think uv it:" and he hurried in his vote. 

I didn't quite see the force uv his objecshen, for it never okkurred to me 
tJkat bein sent to Congris wuz the nateral oon^ekenoe uv votin. I hev voted 
f»r thirty years, at many elections four or five times, but I hev never bin to 
('.'ongriis. Wher is the constituency wich wood elect me? But it wuzn't my 
Ivlznis to controvert has pos:shen. It made no difference to me wat his reason 
>iuz for votin ez I desired him to vote. 

The niggeiT-lovers beat up one man to vote for the Amendment, wich, 1 
8i\w by his dissatisiied look, hed bin ov; r-perswadid. "Sir!" scd I, "do 700 
omsider a Afrikin sufiishently intelligent to be trustid with so potent a 
tieopon ez the baUot?" 

Bustin away from them wich hed h':m in charge, he exclaimed, "No, I 



deo't! i catn't ycx^ for it. They ami inteJli^eut esnufC. Sir, scratcb off the 
'Y^' from my ballot, and put onto it *No!* " 

"Here is a pensil," sed I. 

"Do !t jerself," sed he; "I can't write." 

And I did it. Sioh is the effeck uv a word in aeasoot. WoiPdiS fitly fipoken 
is apples nv gold, set in picters uv silver. 

One man wooden* listen to me, but votid tihe Amemdmeinit. He bed bin a 
eoJjer, and for eleven months partook uv tlha hospitality uv the Coufedrits at 
Andersonville. Escapin, he wuz helped to tihe Fedesral lines by a nigger, who 
wuz flogr&ed almost to death, in his site, for not betrayin wher be wuz hid, 
I mite ez well hev tallced to a latm5)-poat, or whispered Gray's Ele^gy into the 
ears uv a dead mule, wich is the deadest thing I ever see. Ez he shoved in bis 
ballot, he remarkt sutMn alsout he'd rutiher see a nigger vote tihan & d— d rebel, 
any time. From the direckshun uv his egrenaite, I persoom iie referred to 
me. 

I left for home ez soon ez tihe votes wu2 counted, and the result wuz BMui« 
^iKxwn, ouii^. >vaitin till the poll -books wuz made out, and the judges uv eleck- 
shun bed got ther names written by the derks, and hed made their marks to' 
era. On my way home I wuz gratified to see how the nateral antipathy to the 
nigger hed refvived. At Cincinnati, the nite uv the edeckshun, they wuz bangin 
uv em about, the pa.triotic Dermacrisy goln for em wherever they cood find 
em, amd tho next day, ez I saw em at the ralerode stesfhens, they bed, gener- 
ally speekin, ther beds bandaged. It wuz cheeiin to me, and I gloated over it. 

Full uv gladuis, I entered Kentucky, and joyfuily I wendid my way to the 
CoOTiers. I wuz the bearer uv tidios uv great joy, and my feet wuz pleasant 
onto the moimtins. Ez I walked iuto Ba^com's, they all saw in my face sutbin 
uv importance. 

"Wat is it?" sed Deekin Pogram, "Is it wea^l or woeF 

"Is the proud Cauoaishen still in the esoendant in Ol^o, oar hez the fiovdia 
AfrfMn ground him into the dust?" askt Issaker Gavifct. 

"My friend," sed I, takin up the Deekin'a whisky, waich, in the egg-scite- 
menit uv the moment, he didn'tl observe, "the Constitooshuel Amendment, givin 
the nigger ekal rites, hea bin votid down by the Mberty-lovin freemen uv Ohio. 
Threa cheers for Ohio." 

They wuz girca with a will. The wihlcst enthoosiasm wuz awakened. Baa- 
com put a spigot in a frash barl, and the church belL* wuj! »et a ringin. The 
niirgcrs wore a dismayed look, and got out uv ;he way ez 4»oon ♦'Z possible. A 
nieeiin wuz to wunst organized. Deekin I'ogram felt *Jiat this wuz a pi-oud day. 
Light wMx breakin. The dirk clouds uv fanatuism wuz breakin away. We 
hed now the Afrikin in his normal posishen in Ohio, and we will •oon hev him 
likewise in Kecitucky. He moved the adopsheo uv the follerin resolooshena: 

"Wareajs, Noer cust Ganan, and condemned him to be a servant oaito hi« 
brethren, thereby cleerly iudikatin the status ut Che race foo- aU time to be 
one uv inferiority; and, 

"Wareas, To further show to the eyes uv tho most obtoose that a difference 
wuz intended, the Almighty gave the nigger a different ojna-toimicle strucicter, for 
full parti kel era uv wich see the speeches uv the Demokratic stumpere doorin 
the late campaign; and, 

"Wareas, The attempt to place the nigger on an ekality with the white in 
votin ez well ez taxashun, we con^der the sappin uv the very foundashun uv 
cavil liberty, ez weU ex uv the Crischea religion; therefore, 

"Re*olved« Thajt the Ooai&titiooshaci and Biblikle Democracx ut Kentuckj 



The ^assy Lettb&o, Si 

fiend freetta to tSieir br^tiuren nr Obio, wMi ibtaofes Ifoff taseir effeciooal 
squelcliin uv nigger superiority. 

"Kesolved, Tliat to the Repiiblikins uv OMo, who roted agin suffrage, our 
thanks is due, and we coagratulate enrt that now they, ez well ez uis, are 
saved frodn the danger uv maiTyin niggers; and likewise do we ashoor eon, 
that ijQ a spirit uv mutuail forbearance, we care not wat particular creed tJiey 
perfess, so long ez they vote our principles. 

"Resolved, That the -w-ill uv the people havin bin cleerly indikated, we d&- 
mand the inBersiiun uv the word 'wiiita' in the Constitaoshun ur tiie Yoonitid 
States. 

"Resolveld, That we ask the colored voters ut Tennt^see, and other 
Stjatjes where ooJoired men hev votes, to obseirve how they are treated in Ohio, 
whea^e ttie Ablishnists dom't need em.. In them States we extend to eon a oorjel 
inv€t£ushun to act with us." 

The fe-kulty uv the Institoot met next msomin, for the purpua nv pevisin 
f?M Scripters. It wuz decided that tJtie word "white" should be insertid 
'I'herever necessary, and that that edishem only be yoosed by the Dimocracy and 
<?onservativ Reipubdikins. We made progress, the foUerin bean a few uy the 
ifianges: 

" *So God created a white man in his own image.* 

** '"Whosoever, therefore, shaD confess me (before white men,' &c. 

** 'Suffer little white children to come imto me, for uv sich is the kingdom 
•«T Heaven.' " 

Wich last 5 a comfordn, ez it show« that the distincs'ken iis kept up through 
itU eternity. I give tTiese merely as aanples. We she! hev it finisht in a few 
•t«ya, and, ef funds kin be raised, alhel publiafli it. Sidh a vershun ut the 
Kknpters ia oeedid. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
(wich is Postmaster). 

THE NOVEMBER ELECTIONS, 1867. 

(n» hope o(f the Southern people that they would finaJlly get pay for their 
negroes did not leave them till after the election of Gkaierai Grant, in 1868. 
Every Deanoeratic victory in th^ North revived it.) 

Post Offis, Confednt X Roads, 
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), 
November 10, 1867. 
The Ooimere wuz prostrated with Joy last nate at the receet uv the news 
UT the November eiecshuns. Ther wuz nochin demonstrative about their Joy, 
ez there bed bin on occasions uv le?s interest. No! the result wuz too great, 
too overwhelmingly great! Our nachers wuz filled with joy, and it bubbled up 
to the ey(>s, and slopt over in floods uv teers. Deekiu Pogram's dawter Mi- 
randy boiTered a tamborine, wich wood aiLswer for a timbrel, and attempted to 
dance down the stieet, after the fashion uv Miriam, singin, "Shout the glad 
tidais," et settry, but we rebookt her. Sich exultashen seemed to us inade- 
kate. The Deekiu met me, and fiallin outo my neck, wept perfoosely down! my 
back, wich I stood ez long ez I cood bear the moisture. Gently disengagin him, 
I led him to Basoom's, fearin that so great a waste uv flooids wood cut short 
the old saint's life, unless that waste cood be repaired. We supplied the de- 
ficiency to wunst. Never saw I sich a pleter. The bles-sed old mijan sittiu onto 
a bench, a gla^ uv hot whiskey ia his hand; his white hair a faUin scantily 
tisguj his teiggdes. aiwi tears a runuin In rapid saocessaoo adown hi3 frost-bitten 



Thjb Nasby LjETT£RS. 

s, ae^ gilttirhx a oaoimeiiit oai the tip, droivpiii, like strings ut peails, la^ 
t&« sptfLoe (below! It wuz tecihin! 

Tke citizenis met that evenin, not to rejoice, but to adoipt sich measures for 
turning the victoiy to aocoTint ez the ocoajsion seemed to demand. The Deekixi 
wuz tihere, and I beleeve ©very w*hite male citizoai uv tlhe Goniers wiiz in hU 
s*>et afore the glad peals nv tihe bell hed ceased pealin. I assodmed the ehtbw, 
and stated the object uv the meetin. Noo York hed spoken, and Noo Jersey, 
the blessv^ State ut wich I hed the honor to be a native, hed returned to 
her first love. I wuz not now ashamed to ofwn that I wuz a nativ uv New) 
Jersey. I am proud uv it, and were it not for the fact that I owe neerly hjdf 
uv her citizens, in sums rangln from a half dollar up to eighteen, I wood retu.m 
there to-wuust. But I won't. It wood awuken expectations in their buzzuws 
wich wood never be fulfilled, and I'm too teoidor-hearted, too cous'idrit uv tJw 
feelins uv others, to lasiserate them feelius. I can't properly express my eroio 
shuns. Thank Heaven the nigger is oum. The Northern States hev spoki«7,, 
and in thunder tones. The Ethiopian wunist wuz on the top wave, butj wher in 
he now? Two years ago he wuz necdf^i — ^but now wher is he? The AblisV- 
niists don't need him no more to fill up t!heir quotas, they don't need him iv<> 
more to take ther places In the next draft, and thank tflie Lrord he's the saiix' 
d— d nigger he alluz wuz! The stink uv the nigger hez overcome ther gTatiUM>*? 
to him — ther good feelin hez bin swamped by ther prejoodis. The Dimocra-fK 
uv the two sections uv the Yoonion hez rusiht into each oither's arms, the nigg^n 
wuz between em, and consekently is under our feet. Wat happinis for Ke^ 
tucky! The nigger ean't go North with the eleosheai returns starin him in tbi' 
face, and ef he stays here he must stay on our terms. Thank the Lord! 

Deekin Pogram sed that ho hednt feftt so good sence his first wife die<\ 
Fie folt too good to speek, and the brethren wood excuse him ef hiis remarks' 
, shood be breef. (We will! We will! wil^j great yoonanimity.) Four week« 
ago, when we heard from Ohio and Pennsylvany, he hed to-wunst drawd up ;. 
skedule ur the loss that hed bin inflicted onto him by tlhe tyrauical edict u^ 
the Illiuoy GrorillefT, a copy uv wich he «vood read.: 

YOONITBD STATES UV AMERIKY, 

In Acoouat irith GABRIEL POGRAM, Dr. 

To 1 nigger, Sam, 26 years old. $1 .500 Ot 

To 1 nigger, Pompey, 30 years old 1,300 0<: 

To 1 nigger, Scip. 30 years old 1.400 Oi 

To 1 nigger, Peter, 40 years old 1.000 OC' 

To one lot misselaneous niggers, 22 In numfber, mostly crippled, 
and not uv much akkount, hevin bin flogd and chawd by 
dorgs, and iujoored by bein knockt about the head and back, 

a dissiplinin uv em, at, say, $500 each 11,000 O 

To one nigger gal, Jane, 18 years old, nearly white, with bloo eyes 
and curly hair, for wicJh I hed Hu offered $2,500 to go to 

Noo Orleans > 2,500 (K) 

To other wenches, uv all shades and ages, 12 in m mber, aver- 

agin, say, $500 6,000 00 



$24,700 00 



Thffa bill he determined to put in, beooz uv this prop 
«rty he hed Ibin robbed. Last ni.te he heerd uv the re 
suit uv the Noo York and Noo Jersey elec-shuns, and he felt tba; 
more yit wuz due him firoani the unconst.itoos'hneil government under wich wv 
•re foTst to live. He wanted pay, not only for his twenty-fotir thousaud do) 
bm' wortA uT sS^g^er, but le^le interest om the aimiounit, from Emandpash^u U) 



ThI NaSBT LSTTBEl. 91 

date, imctood!si Trat he paM t» her the eakndatiosi mads, mA ttte h i to iC M t 
fig-gea^ed onto it, and he wanted it fai gold, ca he oonsidered gt^eojbai jiat e« 
xmcanstitoosJinel ez emandpasheii. 

Issaker Gravitt remarfct that he hed a claim om tibe oppressors. He hed 
irade on* no bill ez yit, ez the nigger wieh alluz did the figgeiin for his fa their 
gat to he imipiident, and wooclent do it no more. But he shood get somebody 
who cood vnitQ to copy the Deekin's hill, Tvidh wood aiDswer, ez the two farms 
workt about the same number uv hands, tlho uv fancy stock his father hed 
alluz kept the most, widh accountid for his bein more bald-headed than the 
Deekin. 

Kernel McPelter wandd no pay. He wantid his niggers. To Accept pay 
wood be to acknowledge the right uv the Ulinoy goriller to releese em, wich 
he wood never do. He hed one — he saw her tOMiay — widh he wood hev bach 
Pigin. Her and her husband, wich hed bin manied sence Ihcy wuz torn frona 
ham, hed purchist ten akers uv ground up towards Garrettsfcown, and wu» 
livin onto it. Uv course, ez the emancipashun wuz iillegal, the produx uv their 
labor sence that time wuz hizzen, jest the sa.me ez though they remained b» 
their no-rmal condishen. The ten akers woodent make him good, but they heel 
two children bom to em sence, wich, ef niggers brot any price, wood do suthin- 
toards it. 

Bascom preferred to hev Grovemment pay ther valyoo, and let em etay 
free. They all hed some proi>ei'ty now — ^leastways they oood do wat they 
pkased with their money. Troo, the heft uv the proceeds uv their labor went 
to Pollock for dry goods, and groceries, and sich, but he bleeved that they 
wuz a imitative race. Ef they followed the eggsampie sot em by their white 
sooperiors, they wood, in time, leave the heft uv it at his bar. He hed a few 
uv em under trainin now, and he aatist that they wuz better cust omens than 
the whites, ez they didn't swailler their rsahens and tell him to "jist chalk \t 
down." 

A seose uv the meetin wuz then taken, and a majority voted to fust try t? 
redooise them to their normal condishen, and ef that wuz dedded to be imprac- 
ticable, then we oood, with still better grace, demand their valyoo uv the Grcn^ 
eo-nment. 

'Tes," exclaimed Kernel McPelter, "and for thiis great work ther is nu 
better time than now. The Yoonyun ez it wuz!' Foller me!" 

And forthwith the entire congregashen piled out, rushin tofward the nigger 
settioment on the GarreittBbown road. 

Arrivin at the settlement, a eonsultashen wtiz held. It wuz desided that i 
shood advance to the doors uv the houses and demand surrender, but I de- 
clined. Keamed ^IcPelter volunteered, and we all waited )the result. Ho 
knocked at the door uv the first house. 

*'Wha' d'ye want?" exchiimed a voice. 

"I want yoo," sed the Kernel. 

"Wa' foah?" 

"My friend," sed the Kernel, impresavely, "ef I reoognaze yoor dulcet tone, 
yooop ray nigger. Four years ago yo«3 wuz set free, yoo sposed, by Linkin; 
but we've done away with that. Gome forth, and give yoorself up; you shel, ef 
yoo go peaceably, hev yoor old quarters agin, aud be treated ez uv old." 

"Go away, white man, and stop yoor foodin. Dis nigga's in bed." 

"Break dowii the doors!" yelled the Deekin, "and hev done with it!" and 
a rush wuz made. 

The doors wuz broke down, and In a minst the nigger and his wife, and 
two dhildipen, wuz oiut in the street, boijid and the Kernel hed the fumitooT 



f2 Ths Nasby LjexTKRS. 

pa<»kt, ready to take to his crvm hmi©©. In tSi* meantrliBie tussaults ii«i bin msuS» 
<m two lotiher houses, w^ithriitt'her d£ft>rer;t result, Deekin Pogrs-m led <me on the 
bfooise uv a forraier slave ut Mzzen, and wuz disabled Vjy a chaTj^e uv shot in 
his leg, and tho infooinated nigiger threw open the T\'inder and swore that he'd 
empty tother barrel into the head uv the fii-st man ^\''ho came within rajige 
The whole settlement wuz by this time akrmed, and htes sprang up. and we 
eood hear the click uv cocks uv (muskets, and the pilin up uv fumitoor afore 
the dooips. It wnz decided that the attempt to re-driislave em 'be given over 
for tlhat nite, and caiTyin the Deekin, who wnz weak froan loss uv blood, we 
made our way to the Gomers ag'iu. 

The result demonstratod to me the impossibility uv the two races li\Ta 
together *n hormooiy. There is a natral antag'i>nft'sm betweefn em wich must 
result inevitably in a war uv races, onh ss their status is fixed by law. So 
long ez they are among us, so long shel we be" tempted to subdoo em, and sioh: 
sole-harro\^an scenes ez that uv last nito -will result. Ez I he>r the groans u 
the prostratid saint, Deekin Pogram^ (this is written at his bedside in the inter 
vsls uv feedin him Mkker with a spoon). I feed ez tho I mnist vindi'.^iite my birtli, 
by goin out and kilhn a nigger. Nothiii but the oncertainty ez to who wood 
killed restrains me. Thank Heaven, next yeer, when Seymore is President 
and the unconstitootshned acts uv a Riiitjp Congress is done away with, al 
this will be fixed. It ia this that soothes the Deekin, and eaiables him to em 
t-fia sufferia. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
(widi is Postmaster.) 

MR NASBY REGULATES A SCHOOL. 

(A zeiilonfl Democratic sdbool trusted did thrust the danghiter of ft Demo 
orat out of school in Monroe counry, OhiiO, suppo'Sing her to be the daughter o: 
a negro, the real object of his disilike adtting quietly in her seat meanwhile.) 

Post Offis, C^mfedrit X Roads, 
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), 
November 25, 1867. 

When tfci8 AInughty made niggers, hs ought to hev miaxie em so that mixii 
wfith the soopeiior race would have been an Impossibility. I rite these line 
propped up in bed at my boardin house, my face beaten to a jelly, ajid i>eir 
fectly kivered wtth stickin plaster; my nose, alluz tihe beauty and glory u 
my face, is eoilarged to twict it fair proporshens ; my few remainin teeth he' 
bin knockt down my throat, my lips resemble sausages, my left ear is forev© 
no more, and wat little hailr wuz a hangin about my venerable tconples is gon€ 
ray head is ez bald SjS a billyard ball, and twict its normal size. It come aboxi 
thus: 

There wuz trouble in. one uv the S xithem counties uv Ohio. In a reliabl 
Democratic township in tihat county is a settle'.aent uv naggers, who, in th 
old time, ran away from Kentucky, antl settl:^d there where they could he 
wat they earned, wich was jest so much swindled out nv Kentucky. U" 
cour^ve coman from Kentucky, these nig.^ei's are, vainj uv em, ez near whit 
ez they can be. One uv em, wtio carried with hivm the name ur his mscsU 
and, ez he says, father Lett, is ez near a white man ez may be, and ez h 
married a wench who wuz a shade whiter than he, the£r dhaldi-en ere jLst 
touch whitar than both uv em. Uv these he hed thr^ daughters, i^angin froi 
sixteea to twenty. 

Now tJiis Leifct is a disturber. He hed a farm ut periiap«s 2CK) akers, taa 
wxiz taxed henrj tor akool puipocses, but his dbUdrea wuz3it ur coarse aUoire 



to cttend tlie «k.oo4. None ur the aijrg^r cftildraa w««. But JLeCit got «ft» ij«o 
into his bed that there wuzn't no propriety in. his payia taxes witihout enjoyia 
<4io benefits arian from em, and aided aud abetted by other niggers, who were 
wioked enough to complain uv payin taxes to the support uv white skools, he 
sent his daughters to the slcool, directin them to prelsenit thedrselves boldly, 
take their seats quietly and study perseverinly. They did so; the skooi-marm, 
•who wiiz a young huzzy, with black eyes and natenal curls, from Noo Hamp- 
mheer, where they persekoot the saints, not only assented to receivin em, bui 
gar© em seats and put em into classesr— think uv that-^with white chaldren. 

Ttere wnz trouble in that tow.iiship. I vniz sent for to-wiinst, and gladly 
I come. I wuz never so gratified in my life. Had smallpox broken out in 
that skooJ, there woodent hev bin half the eggscttement in the township. It 
wuz the subject uv yooQiivei-sal talk eveiy^vhetre, and the Democrisy wuz a bilin 
like a pot. I met the trust^ies uv the to^n«hip, and demanded ef they intended 
tamely to submit to this outrage? I askt em whether they intended to hev 
thedr children set side by side with the descendants uv Ham, who wuz con- 
demned to a posisheii uv inferiority forever? Kin you, I aisked, so degrade 
yourselves, and so blast tfhe seJf-respeck uv yoor children? 

And bilin up with indagnashen, ther ansrvered "never!" and yoonanimously 
reques?ted mo to accompany em to the sk<»l-house tbat they might peremptory 
expel these disgiistin beins who had obtrooded themselves among those uv a 
sooperior race. 

On the way to the skoolhouse, wich wuz perhaps a cmdle distant, I askt the 
Board ef they knowed those girb, by site. No, they replied, they hed never seen 
em. "I hev ban told," sed I, "that they are nearly vrhite." 

"They are," sed one uv em, "quite white." "It matters not," sed I, feelin 
that there wuz a good opportoouity for improvin the occashen, 'It matt.^rs 
»ot. There is suthin in the nigger at widh the instuik uv the white man 
ab.9olootely rebels, and from wich it instinktively recoils. So much experi- 
ence hev I had \sith em, that put me in a dark room with one uv em, no 
matter how litlie nigger thf^re is in em, and that unerrin instink -wood betray 
em to me, "wich, by the way, goes to prove that the dishke we hev to em is not 
the result uv prejoodis, but ds a part uv our very nacher, and one uv its high- 
est and holiest attriboots." 

Thus coraimnnin, wo entered the skoolhouse. The skoolmarm wnz there, ez 
brite and ez crisp ez a Janooaiy roi^imin; tthe skolers wuz ranged on the seefcs 
i astudyin ez rapidly ez possible. 

":Miss," sed I, "we are informed that three nigger wendhes, daughters uv 
one Lett, a njgser. is ife tlhe skool, a mingl in with our daughters ez a ekal. Is it so?" 

"The Misses Lett are in the skool," sed she, ruther mischeeviously, "and 
I am happy to state thit they are among my best pupils." 

"iCss," sed I, sternly, "pint em oat to us!" 

"TMierefore?" sed she. 

"That we may bundle em out!" sed I. 

"Bless me!" sed she, "I reely coodent do t3iat. Why expe! em?" 

"Becoz," ^d I, "no nigger shel cont^aminate the white children uv this 
deestrick. No sech diggi-ace shel be put on to em." 

"Well," sed this aggravatin skocAmarra, widh -wuz from Noo Hamshire, 
*Yoo put em out." 

"But show me widh they are.'* 

"C-an't yoo detect em, sir? Don't their odor betray «m? Ef ^ey are so 
jlpoer white that yon can't select em at a glance, It rtiikea me that it caa't 
^ hurt veay m\uAx to let em stay." 



i4 ThI NaSBT LfTTSRi. 

I irua ©ore pnzzled. There wxlbiiH a girl in tbe poom who lo»k€id at all 
niggety. But my reputashim wuz at stake. Notacin three g&iAs seittin togetheir- 
wfhio wiiz somewa;t dark complectad, and wflnose black hair fwared, I weait for 
em and shored em out, the cussid school manm almiotst biistin with lafter. 

Here the tragedy okkered. At the door I met a man "wbo rode foiir miles 
fflfi his zeal to aseisst us. He hed alluz had an 5/tdhin to patch Into a nigger, 
and ez he cood do it now safely he proposed not to lose tihe chaiace. I wuz a 
puttdn on em out, and hed jist dragged &m to the door, wliesa I met ham en- 
ferin it. 

"Wat is this?" sed he, with a surprised look. 

"We're puttin out theise cussed wenc-ties, who Sis ooaitaminatin yoor chil- 

ifiren and mine," s^ I. "Ketch hiold uy that pekoolyerly disgustin one yonder," 
Ped I. 

"Wenclies! Yon' d — d scoundrel, them g&rds are my girls!" 
And mthout waitin for an explanash-en, the infooriated monster sailed into 
iwe, the skooilmarm layin over on one uv tihe ibeniehes explodin in peels uv lafter. 
•Uhe three girls, indignant at beiu mistook for nigger wendhes, assisted their 
l^arent, and between em, in about four minits I wuz finsensible. One nv .the 
trustees, pitym my woes, took me to the nearest railroad stashen, and some- 
how, how I know mot, I ^ot home, where I am ait present recoiopeirati?*^- 

I hev only to say that when I go, on sicb a trip again, I sbel require as 
«»onddshen president tihait the Afrikins to be put ont shel hev etnuff Afrikin into 
♦an to prevent isiclh mistakes. But, good Dord, wat ihevenit I suffered in this 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
(widh is Postmaister). 

THE PENDLETON THEOKY IN KENTUCKY. 

Post Offis, Confedrit X Roads, 
: (wtidfi is in the Stait uv Kentucky), 

' February 1, 1868. 

A few days ago Basoom oome into the offis, and remarked that he thought 
W <mz time the Comefrs spoke. 

"Onto wat pertikeler subjeck wood you hev the Ooimeira ispeek, my 
iii'tterub?" sed I. "The Ooimers hez exercised 'her throat onto almost everything 
«ip to date." 

"Troo," sed G. W., •*but there's one subjeck onto wich the Oomera, hezn't 
Bed her say, namely, the crushin wate uv taxashen, and the question uv payin 
t'ke bonds in greenbax." 

"That's probably becoz," remarkt I, "the Comers pays nary tax; and becoz, 
also, not hevin any bonds nor greenbax, she don't care, to speek after the man- 
ner uv men, a d— n about it. Isn't that the case?" 

"Probably it is, but at the saime time we ought to extend a hielpin hand to 
<AiT brethren Nortb, who are makin a valyent fite on this thing. Parson, we 
must hold a meetin on this question and resolve." 

AVUlin to aocommodata Bascom^ I called the meetin, and last nite it took 
pflace. It M'nz an entbootsiastic gatlhriu. Skasely hod tbe horn itooted afore 
tkei cihurch wuz filled. It wuz curiosity wicti brot em. None uv em but Bas- 
oom, Captain McPelter, and myself, knowed wat a bonid wuz, and they wantid 
ta find out. I wuz called upon to state the objeck uv ithe gathrin. I opened 
w4tih la movin appeal to the people wbo wuz groanin imder a load uy tax- 
aislien, for the benefit uv the lordly bond^holdons uv tihe country; whose very 
life-blood w^iz a betn sucked lOut uv em by the bond-aiistocrttts uv the countrj. 



Thi Kasbt LcTTiiA. i^ 

At <&iui pint Joe Bifflcr, who wuz uv ooarse in tftie aujeace, oosxunejii&t w©e|>- 
n perfoosedy, 'but disguslSnly loud. He fairly bedlered, and displayed altogether 
»o miDdi emoahun. 

"Mr. Biglef," sed I, "woodeat a little less violent scwrrer anser?" 

"Parson," sed he, "never havin paid a cussid cent uv taxes in my life, I 
lever knowd afore how much I wuz beiu oppressed. But I'll contane myself 
i I kin. I'll cork up my woes If they bust me." 

I then wenjt an to explain the Pendleton ijee. First, the Grovern- 
nenft owes about four hundred thousand millions uv djllers, 
Dore or less, wieh is bo^Te^G^d. The AblLshn ijee is to pay this off 
'z it falls due, in g^old, and in the meantime to pay interest onto the bonds ez 
>er a^eement on the face uv em. But this is oppressdve. This payiu interest 
s wat's eatdn us up. Therefore, Pendleton proposes to pay these bonds by 
itsuin four hundred thousand million uv greenbax. "VSTien these greenbax wear 
I lit, so that they ain't passable no more — so that Baseom won't take em for 
irinks, for instance — ^why, then we'll pr'at more gi'eeaibax and give em new 
,nes. I dotn't see that the debt is paid off any, but we git out uv the interest. 
iVe ishoo a non-beaxiu iuti-est note wi -h the greenback is, for on intrest-bear- 
i(» note widh the present bond is, and compel the bond-holders to take em, thus 
eleevtn us, the tax payers, uv the weight uv taxasben we are now compelled 
carry. This ijee is not, however, original with Pendleton. He's bin a steelin 
oy thunder. I subsisted many yetsrs in Noo Jersey by the siame' expi^dient. 
lYbenever I owed a man I gave him my note, and fdt that a great load wuz 
'ff my mind. "When it became doo, ef it made the creditor eny easier in his 
nind, I took it up by givin him anothj-r, and so on, pexvided he wuz willin 
ind bed faith enuff to pay for the stamps. It wuz an easy and sEmple method 
kv glttin on in the ^"orld without onpleisantnis. 

Captain McPelter, late uv the Conf ^xirit army, wantid to know ef the green- 
back wuz good enuff for the soljer, ef it wuzn't good ennfif for the bondholder? 

Baseom endorsed all that bed bin Sed, and demandid resodooshens, movin 
i!n>6s, wich he presentid, and they wuz passed. 

At this pint occurred suthin wicb wuzn't down in the biU. Skasedy bed the 
esolooshena passed, when Joe Bigler stepped forward and remarkt that he bed 
'otid for them resolooshens becoz he be<leeved in em. But he wantid the ijee 
rarried forerd to its logical conclooshen. He owed Baseom eighty odd dollars, 
?ich wnz bearin interesit, and bed bin for some time, and wood, probably, for 
lorae time to oome. Now, what is jus Lis in governmental imatters, is ekally go 
n privit Ufe. He demanded uv Baseom that note, and that he accept in its 
itead one wich bore no interest. He hed borne this bui'den too long, and it 
vuz high time that he be releeved. 

Doekin Pogram felt that he must agree witb Mr. Bigler. Baseom held his 
iot« for $490, wich hed bin runiiin <to interest for a long time, and he felt 
b*t ho ooodeu't stand it no — 

"Why, biarst yer eyes," sez Baseom, l lent yoo tihiat money to save yor 
:arm from bein sold out from' under yer feet!" 

"Ti'oo, but there's a principle in it, I can't toil to pay interest to yoo 
W) moire than I kin to the Govea-nment. Let us be consistent, G. W., watever 
¥« are." 

At this junctesr every man in the buildin rose to bis feet veay eicdiedly, all 
IV em in borious commenst: 

"Bas3:«n holds a note uv mine, wi h bears interest, and I — ** 

And Baseom, badgered ez ho wuz, flung himself out uv the churdh in dis- 
"vmt. The aujenoe who hed, however, got an ijee, wuz not disposed to irive it 



up. Thfff fodlered him without eny fotrmej adjooimm^nt to Ms gro&scj, Imt 
lie lied anticipated that, and bed locked it. But ail nite bhey hung aronnd the 
place yedlin, "Give me my no-te! Give me my note!" and they hed faith that 
tbey finally wood bring him to terms. 

But along a.lK)ut seven o'clock the people began to dhange tlheiT toom It 
wuz tinje for their moniLn bitters ajid they exclaimed ez one anaii, "Bascoan! 
vpfhy don't yoo open out? I^et us m!" 

All uv a sudden the door vraz flung op«a, and tihere vmz reveeled to the 
gaze uv the Comers the most impressive tabloo erer mitnest. In the centre 
uv t!he room stood Ba^coni, with a burn in piiae knoit in his hiand, wildly wavin 
it over his head; afore him stood a barl uv whisky, on end, with the hed out 
We gTowd pale. 

"HJa! hit!" daft ti«, with the m'ost malignant and feendish expression upon his 
oonntenanoe, "it wnz yoor turn last nite; tihis moman its naine. Ther ain't a 
drop in tlhe Comers cept wat is in thi.i barl, and not a drop uv this sliel jnoo 
heiv for lore or money! Ha! ha! who hir/j the inislde track now? I'll bum It 
the minit tlie first one crosses the threshold." 

"Make a rusli," yelled Bigler; "it won't bum, ooz he's bin a wa-terin It £01 
a week." 

"Ha! too troo! but I liev yoo ylt. m overturn the bari!" 

I seed the pint to-wunist. A cold chill crept over me, and Deeldn Pognan: 
shook like an aspen leaf. None cood bo prokoored this ade uv LoioisTille, thre€ 
days at leaist! Spose the recklis n^n sbood carry out his threat! 

The Deekin and 1 throw ourselves into tlhe breech. We saw that Bascom 
wnz in de^d eai-nest. The crowd saw things ez we ddd, a«d softened down 
It wnz finally proposed ez a compermisa that the rekords uv the 'meelin shood 
be dastro^yed, snd that the ijee uv exchangiii notes v^l^ Easoom -shood b€ 
abandoned, and Basoom, on his part, to go on ez yaosual. This settled, we all 
took our regefler stiffners, and thus the Comers bridged the greatest dangei 
that efver tflixeateaieid her. Ther is peece here now. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
(wich is Postmaster.) 

POLLOCK vs. BIGLER. 

Post Offis, Confedrit X Roads, 
(wl'dh is in the Stait uv Kentucky), 

4pril 2, 18(58. 

The Oomera fs continyooailly eggslted. Scarcely does one fever git her 
self allayed afore another Is set agoin. and the result is the community is 
kept a bilen ptrpetooally. Pertickelerly does this occur when Ba^scom runs 
short. His barrels contain the troo oU wliich flows onto tiie troul.led wat-<:'rs 
uv our passions, and when them is out, there's a minatoor Tophet to-wunst. 

The last excitement wuz probably the m>ost pekoolj'or that ever happened 
to enny people, tho ijt wuz nothin more than cood be expected to grow oul 
uv the altered relashons nv the i-aces to each other. It wnz one uv the lega 
cies left us by the tyrant Linkiu, and by no means tihe least uv em. 

Undeir the old patrSarkle system, it wuz the cui?tom uv the niggers to gc 
by the name uv their trooly patriarkle masters, wich wuz necessary, and nol 
only necossaiy, but proper. (Jnto every plantasberi 'ther wood be Ceesens 
Hanmihals, and Pwmpeys, and the omly way to disdngnish em wuz to call 
em Ceeser Pogram, Hannibal G-avitt, et settry. This ansered very well e2 
kMig ez they wnz in a state uv skiiptotorall seo^itood; indeed, the proud Gauca- 
ih«n maflten rajthar liked It, eos Hke frekency with w!iQb their najnes ^ruz caJloc 



IndStated the extent nv their possessions. But senee these cusses her set up 
for themselves, it ain't eo pleasant. Now that they kin own property and per- 
form all the f mictions uy men, ihe <<a;rie ez eny one else, it hez become dis- 
tasteful to the Ck>rners. It is a siui^edcr fact that the Corners hez diskiyered, 
since the nig^^ers wuz set free, suthin they never knowd afore, to-wit: The 
cig-gers hez an odor unlike the white. "Whem they wuz slares, and used to 
nuss em and play with em, and wail oa em, and sich, this odor wuz not peir- 
oeptible. It hez developed senoe emaii'ipuohen. Jes so with ther names. In 
ther normal tx>ndisiLen it wuz well — senee, it's a degredashun wioh the Comer* 
won't brook, no how. 

Deekin Pogram and Issaker Gavitt peirtikelerly chafed under it. Tliey 
uxmrned and lost tlesh under the inliick?hen. '"To think," «ed the Deekin, 
"uv a hundred free niggers bearin the houiored name uv Pogram!" '"To tMnk." 
eyed Issaker Gavitt, "uv a hundred niggers bearin the illustrious name ur 
GaNitt'" And so they petiishened the Legislaelier at Frankfort to releeve em, 
by passin a law perhibitin niggers fiom bearin the name uv white men wich 
wuz tlioir former masters. The fact leeked out, and this imbroiyo wuz the result. 

Pollock, the niinoy store keeper, wioh is a disturber, immejitly sood Joe Bdg- 
ler for a store debt, and hed him hauled up afore Squire Punt. Joe immejitly 
subpoenaed all the citizens uv the Corners ez witnesses, and hed em all in the 
Court room. "C-ome," sed Deekin Pogram, "sware me and let me go. I 
don't know uoridn about this matter anyhow." 

"Not yit," sed Bigler; *'I hev other tesstimony wich I shed put in. Mr, Con- 
stable, call Hannible Pogram." The Deekfin started ez ef he hed bin shot. 

"And ez we kin save the valyooable time uv this court by swearin uv em 
hi a lump, yoo may call also Pompey Joohus Pognim, Ceeser Pogram, George 
Washington Pogram (so named becoz, like the first G. W., he oooden't tell a 
lie, wich is proof concloosaTe that he is a pure black, and haint got no Pogram 
blood in his vaines), ISIelissy Pogram. Abslum Pogram, Cleopatra Pogram, Paul 
Pogram, Marie Antynett Pogram, Bonaparte Pogram, Charles Wesley Pogram, 
Abed Jackson Po — " 

"Wat does this mean?" shreeked the Deekin, ez they filed- int» the court 

room. "W^at do yoo mean by bringin into this yer ocnrt room aM these d d 

niggers?" 

"Wat do I mean? Wat difference Is it to yoo? lliey'r laj witnesses — by 
these intelligent freemen I perpose to prove that yer PoUock a perjerwl TiUain 
and a most unconshunable swindler." 

And he grinned at Pollock, who winked wickedly at him in return. 

"And T." sed Pollock, "to save time, mite ez weiU hev my witncase* swore. 
I^ssaker Gavitt, stand up." 

Issaker arose. 

"Now, Mr. Constable, call Pomp^ Gavitt, Melindy Gavitt, AngTistua Ga- 
vitt, Petronella Gavitt, Lycurgus Gavitt, Abslum Gavitt, Moses Gavitt, Jt-f- 
ferson Gavitt, Adam Gavitt, Mai"tha Washington Gavitt, Parker Gav — " 

"Am I to be swore witJj aU these niggers?" roared Issaker, red in the face. 

"Reely," sed Squire Punt, "I can't permit this." 

"But yoo must," sed Blglcr. "Ez desprit a wretch ez is this P(dlock, ez 
deeply ez he hez wronged me, ez miich ez I loath, hate and despise him, he 
shel hev fair play in a court uv jostis. Even shood he beat me and crush 
mo neatih his iron heel, I insist thiit he shel hev his rfiites. But the Square hed 
better sware mine first." 

And ez they gen£!mlly don't like trouble with Rigler, the Square^ pale ez a 
gust, for he didn't know w«it wus oomiA, swiare the pile 



"Now,** Bod Blgielr, "Oeesw Pogram, itead np. Ceesesr, do jw> 
Biax:3ie(r nr an oath?" 

"Yes, Ball." 

"Who vniz j-oor fatiher, Ceeser?** ' 

"Don't know, sah." 

"Is yooT mother im tiie noom, aad hez lihe bin rrwuT' 

"Yes, sah." ^ 

•*Yoo may set down for the presenit. T^l Meiissj- Pogmm artse?" 

T5b9 wencb got up. 

"Nofw, Mdissy, state to the court the patettiMty ur yoar «m?** 

•1 object," shreeked the Deokin. "W»t hez that to do with yoor oiHn Pol 
lock % •bore debt?" 

"Is this yoor case?" relortid Bigler. "Are yoo defendant or plaintiff here 
in? MeOissy, anser. No, Melissy, on second thots, to spare the blushes uv thb 
Deekiu— to cast the mantle uv obHvlon over the pecaddilloes uv his yooth- 
yioo needent anser. Do yoo want to cmss-examino the wiiibness, Mk. 
PoJlock?" 

"No!" returned he. 

"Lycurgus Gavitt, stand up. Wat rl^t hev yoo to beax the name uv Ghi- 

vitt?" 

"It wuz my fadder's name.** 

"TV) wich pertikeler Garitt do yoo allood?" 

"The lately deceased Elder." 

"Then yoo are half-brother to Issaker?'* "? , 

♦^ is.'* 

•*Yoo may sdt down. I willl state totihe court tihe object uv these questionM, 
wlhicih, without explanashen, may appear irrelevant. Mr. Bigler and I agreed 
unanimousily ez to (how tihis soot should be conducted. Niggers alone kn.owd 
the cause uv diffei-ence that unPotrtoitly ariz between us, and kno-win that th* 
pure African wuz unworthy uv beleef, we determined to yoo.se only isich ei 
cood show indisputable descent from good, ti-ust^ orthy, Caucasihen dti^emi. 
Hence this preliminary eggsaniiiiashen. We hev here the niggers uv mixec 
blood from every plantashen in the naberhood, and we shel reject all who can' 
show mixt blood. Their evndence must be taken, for to doubt the word uv thi 
sons and daizghteins uv eich men wood be the hei'^htih uv presumpshen, and at 
insiiU wich they wood be justified dn resenlin." 

"Certinly," sed Bigler, "and let's git at at. Bonaparte Pogram, stand up.* 

"Hold!" shriekt tlhe Deekin, observin that IVIrs. Pogram hed just etep 
Intio tihe room; "how much is at ishoa in this yer soot?" 

"Ninety-one cents, and the costs that hev acrood," sed Pollock. 

"1*11 pay it," remarkt the Deekin, neiTOusly, "rnther than hev thia farce g< 
on. Don't call no more uv em — don't. Hei-e's the money." 

"It can't be," sed Bigler; "I'm bound to crush that Pollock." 

"Don't perceed— don't," yelled Punt, MoPeltfiir, and eveiy otihea* wh&t< 
man in the room, ez they notist their wives droppin in one by one, "it*« reell; 
too small a matter — reeUy it is." 

"Well," 6ed Bigler, "ez there appears to be sddh a yoonanimuis desir 
therefor, I hev no objeckshen, on them terms, to forgive Pollock;" and th 
cusses embraced in open court, while the Deekin, McPelter, and the rest uv ei 
wuz a payin the niggers their witmess /tes. 

Ez they wuz a leavin the Court Room, Bigler sung out: 
"Deekin, eif yoo send on that petishen to Frankfort, I aihel ©end on a pre 
t«rt, ptrjrin tibdU errj one uv the nigijers who bear yoor name hev a natera 



The ^asby Lsttees. 99 

rtfce tio It, Let ft altroiet, Deekin. Ef the nig^em kin stand tAie nanw, yoo «ii^t 
liot to abject" 

And he and Pollock palled off togetiher, laflin vocdferously. It wuz a plot 
atween em to anmoy the Comers. V»"ood, O, wood that we oood be delivered 
from ezni 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
(wich is Postmaster.) 

THE CHICAGO CONVENTION, 1868. 

P^t Offis, Oonfedrit X Roads, 
(wicih is in the St^t uv Kentucky), 

'Mrj 28, 1868. 
I wuz at Chicag-o one day. My ears wuz stunned -wdtai 'rors for Grant; 
tihe bands wuz aili playiu' the Stax Spangled Banner and sich, and eren tihe 
street organ grinders bed attooued tbelr lyres to the same Ablishn melodies. 

On my srrival I askt a visbus boy (\\icb I knowd wuz Dimekratic, froii, 
the fact that his little shirt wood hev hung out uv his little pants tit 
he'd bed any shirt), ©f he oood tell me whetre the Ablishmi Ckmvention wuz a 
holdin itself. 

"Certinly I kin," sed he. "Its in that yer bfildin," pintin to a nith^or 
gorgns edifice with a steeple to it. 

I entered it, and wuz surprised at the fewness uv tihe delegates on the 
floor, and at ther pecoolyer appearance. They didn't look like delegates to 
any Convenshun I bed ever artejided. Tber noses wuzn't uv 
the color I bed bin accustomed to. Thoy wu^ all sol- 
emn loKjking chaps, with gold spectacles, black ooats, high foreheds, and white 
neckerchers. 

At this pint I turned to a man stttin beside me, and in an undertione aAkt 
wich wuz aJbead ion the last ballot, Oolfax or Wade? 
"Sir," sed be, "are yoo a Johnison postmaster?'' 
"I am," sed I, defiantly. "How didst determine that pint?" 
"By yoor breath," sed he. "Yoor mistaken in the place, i^y friend. 
This is a Methodist Conference." 

That TNicked and perverse boy had iaitenshnelly deceeved me. 

Unable to iDibtiane ladmiiissiibn into the Opei-a House, I wbiled anvay the 

rosy hours a visitin the delegasben rooms. The IJugeany delegashen offered me 

water when I intimated I wuz athirst. The Ohio delegashen knew me on site 

and re'H-ested me to dust, and the Cailifc-rny delegashen, uv wich I bed expected 

better things, bed the impudence to offer me wine! Wine! Wine! to feed 

i sicb a no*3 ez I carry about. Wine to satisfy the cravins uv sich a stumick 

' ez mine! Faugh! Disgusted at the thinness uv Che beverages, I retired iato 

ta fi-iesndly hostelry kept by Dennis O'Shaughnessey, and at his hospitable bar 

• solaced myself mth thi'ee fingers uv Kentucky sustenance. 

!' There wuz no enthoi^siasrm among the ciLizoas uv Chicago wich I naterally 
f fell among. The saloon keepers, wdcb in reme-mbrmoe uv the Demoliratic con- 
venshun uv 1864 had made extm prepumshaus, wuz gloomy, sad, and dis- 
'■■ appoiuted. These places, gamisht for the occasion, wuz sad and lonely. There 
■ wuz an eatire absence uv that geiitle gujglo wich to me is so pleasin; there 
' wuz none uv the generous noses and faces lighted up with the radiance bom ur 
: the ba"' wich I am so accustom.(.d to. 

It's tihe last Republican canven.sben I s'hel ever attend. The idea uv a con- 
ference eifcUn ia the same dty with a convensbaa! The idea uv minghn poli- 
tuca mi^ redi^on! Will there be confrences ia Noo York In Jooiy? 



lOd Turn NAiiiiY li«TT*sa. 

Ob my retam, -we ymr, a aettin in Bas^'Trrts's a di«<^niSe(Lu tlhe aooiifciafllieBss. Dee 
kin Pogram wuz iinxligiiaiit, "Good Heaveius!" sadd he, witlh horror in Ml 
Ksfinted face, "km it be that men periessiu uas-hael rie"\v;s wood offer sich a in 
suit to Kentucky ez to Uiuininaie sich a luiaxi ez Gi-aiit, who, swoixi in band 
devastated her fertile fields, an,d piled tbe bodiies of iher nootral soajs who ra 
aisted his advance mountains high? Kin ittl be tha.t — " 

"Easy, Deekin," replied I; "stiddy! istMdy! Don't take a posi'shen rashly 
It ain't improibable tha;t we nmy hev to iiominaoe Hiamoock, o<r some o^e 
■oljer. In that evenit — ^but I've sed enuff." 

'♦■Wpill^ at all eveiaoe," sed the Deekin, "iitfa a most hioamiiliatin tlhlng: to he" 
tlm>wn bx our faces a infamoiia propasishen to piay a debt iiikuri"«d La 
infanaous attempit to 8u:bjoogate us — ^to pledge our Lajbcxr to pay a debt unooi 
•tiftooshmally inlcuired, and un — " 

"Deekin," sed I, "yooo- zeefl I do adimTe, [but [yotar treeily itidiisereet 
may be found necesisary in order to cany Noo York to noiminate Belmont' 
man, who will be pledged to this rery tldng. Go a little slow," 

"Well, however tlhat may be, it's a bumin shame tq (throw into Kentuck' 
face a Aboiisihniist — ^two uv eon In fact — and — ' 

"Deekin" (I spoke tlMs tilmie severely), "yooir rery imdSscreet to-day. It' 
possible, and I may say pirobabie, thait that nioble patriot, Oheef Justice Chas* 
who hez bin a frkeful Abiishnist, and who, ef he runs, wiE, for obviu>a reason. 
make ujs swaller at the beginnin. a porshen uv his heresies, may *be oux cand 
date. Say notbin, Deekin, that yoo'l hev to take back." 

Feelin that liite here wuz a spleaidid chiance for am fimprovin discourse o 
tlhe nacher, objicks, and aims uv Democracy, I opened out onto em.. 

"Dimocrisy," I remarkt, "is di sits ngui shed cflieefly for its elasticity 
axiaptin means to ends. One wood suppose that Postoffis is its dieeif end. 
one semsie itt 5*. D&mo^rdsy is wiUin to sacrifice anything wioh l/t Ihez for Pos 
oSBjs. It mite raise Deekin Pogram's ire to sejest the nominasiien nv Hai 
cock, on akkount uv his islawterins, or ]Belm)O0it*s candadaite on akkount u 
hlis insi'Stin on payin off tlhe Nashnel debt, or Ohase, wfho hea bin in his day sui 
pected uv bein tainted with Ablishinism. But, my brethring, let it be remen 
bered thajt success is the main objick. Success is wait iBasoom wants, that 
bein coutSnyood in offis, miay h-ev the means to pay ftxr the likker I oonsooB 
and to avoid the necessity uv bein continooally rekested to chalk it down, whic 
practia tie esiteenas disgustiin, and one wdc!h greatly Jncreases his labors. Ca] 
tain McPeflter wants success, that hoi may continyoio to iiev Assessors, Colle 
tors and Rerenioo oflBsers with wich he kin divide the profits uv tiho $2 ta 
on the whisky (be mokes, and Deekin Pognam wants success that he may he 
his niggers agffn, op at kast tihat he may hev tihe privilege nv hiiin em for 5 
per month, deductin 25 cents per da^y for eadh day's absence, witihout no Buxo 
ofiiseir or otheor mdlitary satrap hangin about to modest or oake afraid. Su 
cGss Is the main pint, and ef Hancock is the way, walk ye in it; ef Chase < 
Seymour lis the waj-, walk ye ditto, for with eit!her uv ihe&e men all thes 
things vre'U hev. When they come to us tlhey leeve their former selves b- 
himd. 

"But methinfasi I heai* one say, Hancock, is a soljer, Seymour a anti-repud 
atotr, and Ghasa a Abiishnist! Wat uv tihat? They msay be wa;t they lit 
when tibey go Into offis — ossociasheu with us fetches cna sooner or later, Tl 
road down ia al easy one to travel. It's easier to slide down than to climb, wile 
is the reoaofn so many miore ore damned than saved. Democracy, like Baiscom 
Tiffvr Mkker, Ibolds a maix wtoen it gits him. JoQinson wuz a good enuff AblisO 
mjKt (t£il2 be calfed osito as Uer help, and ^Uan bitt wta lost Let Cixame ata 



i 



Thje Nasby Lettsks. Ml 

•wttii TU a "vreek, amd tte*d forgit ail hlg ©Id ideaa, yoo bet. Sh-ood ytw) r'f>k^ tJuLt 

sdlTiear pitdier a< him tiie niggers gi\e liitn at GmeiDnati, for d^fendin 8 fiigiliTe, 

and he'd swear like Peter he never saw it — oailj differCn from Pc; in thai! 

he'd stick to it. And ther is no goin (back for Ibe piiineip;il ou.ri. Ther 

remorse kind o' drires em deeper and deeper, tHi they fenailly are "worse ilian ez 

thio they originia^ wuz of us. Let us, my brethreoi, never reject any hvlp we kin 

git. Let it oome in any ^hape land from any source, it'U finally aissimilate to us 

and be ut us." 

Ea I cxmdlooded my remarks, my cdrode aill agreed that ift vmz safe to take 

whaterer wie cood git from the enemy, and we retired, 1 feelin that whatever 

other localities mate do, the Comers wuz eafe. Wat an otitJra;^ • iit is. though. 

that tlhtt Ablisimisits nominated sich a man for Vice President ez to make G-rant 

perfectly safe from bein. reanoved ez Linkim wuz. Ef Ihe's elected he'll serve 

out his timd sure. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY. P. ^L 

(wich is Postmaster.) 

THE PEESIDENTIAL ELECTION, 1868. 

Post Offis, Oonfedrit X RoadA, 
.(Triidh is in tlhe Stait uv Kentucky), 
November 5. 1868. 

Bad news travels fast. "We her lieerd from enuff uv t!he states to know 
thj»t the butcher Grant — 'he wich wunst aforo stood in t!he way uv the Confod- 
sracy — hez been elected President, and that Seymore and Blare, our gellorious 
standard bearers, hev bin defeated ignom&niously. 

This ends it! This finishes it! There is no longer hope for Demociisy. 
Our «<tar is sot m gloom. Never shel I fiocrgit the gastly arppearance uv Dee- 
rin Pog-ram's face ez the fatal noose wuz told him. A single tear rolled from 
3fls left eye, down his furrowed cheek; it gliittered for a brief moment on the 
ip UT his brillyenjt nose, an<l plunged off into space! How like our hopes! 
^fever a word sed he, but sadly beckoned me 1)o foller. Sadly he walked to the 
"*quare, mournfully he pulled down the Oonfedrit flag wioh hez waved from 
_»he polo in front uv Basoom's, tenderly he folded it, and placed It under the 
jarl uv wiusky m tihe bar. "Thar let it rest," gasped he in a husky tone; 
tt will nefver kiss tlhe breezes mo more." And overcome witlh emoshun, the 
food old naan busted in a flood uv teaxs, wich saved his life. The drain ut 
nodjgture from his system mia>de it necessacry for him to take suthin to fill its 
ylase, and tibajt sutihin wuz strengthnin. To save hdm I tnok suthin «treing^b> 
iln too. 

I wKMi't Bay a WKMti as to the cause« ut tlhis tentble defeat. SeynKxre 
mjod make speedhes, wioh hez alluz bin fa tie to Presidenshul aspirants, and 
Slare wood rite terrible letters, wioh is just as bad. Besides, Blare fairly rej^- 
e&ents us, wich druv off all the decant people, and Seymore rather prides, his- 
ielf on bedn a gentleman, wich dhilled the ardor uv our party. The nomiuashmMi 
■vere unforcihniit, but I don't reproach em. It's fate. 

I liev res son to sigih. For Pollock will git the PkDst OflSs after all. Tho 
dz hands are oontajminated by beSn taken into the hands uv Mggers — his hands 
*ich handles kaliker and draws molasses, and iz oonisekently degraded by earu- 
n his own livin — 'hi:3 hands will pass out to Deekin Pogram lihe paper wich the 
3om!ers takes! The Deekin, ez he thot uv this, bust into teers agin. "I sihei 
ttop that paper," sez he, "and the Corners shel go back into the darkness ut 
CBKMramce. I fihieii njerer go agin for a letter, nor will I b^ one written for 



102 ThB NaSBY LSTTSliS. 

me t» itny1>ody. Wli€a3t a Abiisihn face i« aX the general dcddrraT-, I ibeJ Btcp 
pa^eroizen itihe Post Offis!" 

Wdm tiie new AdrQinistT;iiSiliim deprive a -w^hoile oomimirf'ty ur ft. jMipejr mere- 

Ijr tjo givQi o-ae uv lis supporters a posishun? We sliei «ee. 

But I oood endoor tlie loss ut my pasis-befli; for piuncfiiple I oaia liook mar^ 
terdom squaredy in the face; but I see otiher and more terrible ressults foUowin 
the catastroplie. 

AVat uv the nig-gers? Wat uv ub? We ^el hev mggesr^ rcvtiiL at t!he Goav 
ners! We ehel hev, at our pottes, all uv the black cusses wbo lire between, heire 
and Grarrettstawn, a votin ez regler ez though tJiey wuz white men. We sihei 
• her em defilSn t!he sakred ballot-box ez tho tbey wuz not uv a cussid raxje. 
] »oe dark lines afore onr poor State. They will bea'eafter hold the land 
wich they hev bought, and wieh they live on, by a sure teinurev and they will 
increase and multiply. Pollock will buy ther prodoos, and they v^-ill work anx3 
^t money. This money they will lend to us-nfor we must hev it to sustaia 
yfe — and they will take mortgages ontio our land. (AM)€n I say our, I mea* 
Deeken Pogram and sich.) Ez we nev.jr wor-k ourselves, and will not hev, nof 
der the present arrangement, the means uv eompellin the labor necessary to 
(JUT support, we kin never pay; and the result wi!ll be, thiis beautiful laud uf 
ourn wieh we so deeply love, will pass out uv the hands uv> the stronger and 
better iiax5e inta the control uv a weaker and less powerful people. The Dee- 
Ida wuz rem'arkiu suthin to this effect, when Joe Bigler remarkt in reply, 
<5iat the Deekin hed better thixyw Mmnelf onto the synipa.tlhy uv his sons, 

*'T\Tiy, they can't work any more than I kin," sed the Deekin. 

"I don't mean yooo* white son^!" sed this teritble Bigler. **They ain't uv 
no akkount. But dn tlhe nigger settlement at Garrettstown yoo hev moa-e 
Ihan twenty who wood — *' 

The pooop Deekin rushed out uv the room, while Bigier laft his most feend- 
Ish laff. 

The people will he deprived uv their innocent amoosements. TMs . Grant will 
send on armed ihirelins, dothed Sn oj is bloo, with muskets and sach, who 
win prevent our shootin niggers, and whj wiai protect on ther farms and in ther 
•houjsas the ojuis Northerners who hev settled in our midst. We shel see the glo- 
rious Southern system; decline Btidily and shoorly. The Whipping posts will rot 
and the stox will decay; the yelp uv dorgs will no miore be heerd, and the cheer- 
ful crack uv the pistol and the shreek uv the man wat has got his gruel will 
DO more be heerd in the land. Bascom, after he hez the few farms still im- 
m^ortgaged in the vicinity, will close, and go to Looisviile, and embark inito 
the wholea-ile groseiy trade and jLne the church, and give librerly to Sundsiy 
•koods; Ms grosery will fall into decay, and the sane wiH hangj by one hinge. 
We shel see churches and skool houses, faotrys and villages everywhere. The 
Pogram pla(» uv 2,000 aker;^ will bo divided up into twenty fanns, and onto 
them will be the bustUn Noo Yorker, the cool, calcuilating Yankee, the (stiddy, 
hard-workin German, who will display his groveitQ nacher by workin himself 
instid uv Iforcin niggers to do it for hira. We shel be run over with skool- 
marms, deluged with academies, plastered over with newspapers, dunned 
with machinery, drove crazy by the whiiT, crash and dash of moAvin machines 
and reapers. And there will be cheese made at the Oom.ers. Pennibockor's 
distilleiry will be turned into a cheese factry, and weak whey wDl run wher 
no(w the generoua high wines flash along the troughs. Tlier will be no recti- 
tyin at the Comers; the hog pens will be abolished, and in ther sted will be 
skool houses. And methinka I see in my mind's eye, Hora^o, the speerit, the 
f9MMlt uv t!h« departed Pogram (for he Tvom't »urvive it long), a horerin over 



ThX jNaSBT LSTTEJiS, 103 

til© sc«D©, ez HamJick** father did. The bl«wed slhade -wHl look in yaine for his 
house — on tihe spot "wheiH it stood will t>e an academy. He mil turn to Ba«- 
com's, but ther h& -will find a deestrict skiJe. 

"To Pennibacker's!" he will gasp, in a speerit whisper, and with a speritooal 
sraack uv his speeittaoal lips he will hover orer it, but the smell uv cheese in 
the place ur the strengthenin odors in wicih he delites, will send a speoritooal 
shudder thro him. A ghost nv a tear will run down his speeritoooJ noee, 
linger for a minit ait the tip, like a dew drop on the rose and faU! 

Then will the dissatisfied ghost demand to be taken back' to purgatory, » 
place Jess tryin to his nerves. 

All is up with me and us. I «hel •ti'y La Kentucky for tihe present, the w*i 
may become ut me the Ixxpd only knows. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. 
(wich is Pcstmsuter.) 

MR NASBY LOSES HIS POSTOFFICE. 

On a Farm, Three Males from Comfedrfit X RogwH 
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), 
June 29, 1869. 

The dl« la cast! Tite guilloteen h.ez fallen! I am no longer Postmaster a;i 
Ctemfedrit X Roiadis, wlcih is in the State uv Kentucky. The place wich knowvl 
me wunst will knjow me no moore forevea-; the ipaper (wdcih Deekiln Pograni 
takes wiLL be handed out by a nigger; a nigger will her the openin uv lette?* 
addressed to parties residin hereabouta, oontaLnin remittances; a nigg-er will h€'? 
tihe liflin uv lettere addrest to lottry managers, and extractin the sweets ther<*- 
from; a nigger will be— But I am't dwell upon the disgustin theme no longec. 

I hed bin in Washington two weeks assistin the Caucashens uv that cit.r 
to put their foot upion the heads uv the cassid niggers wlio ain't content to ao • 
cept the satuashen and remaan ez they alluz hev bin, inferior bedns. To say K 
bed succeeded, is a week e3:preshen. I organized a raid onto em so effectooall)' 
ez td drive no less than thirty uv em out uv employment, twenty ^seven ui 
■wich wuz compelled to st^ their bread, wich give us a splendid opportoonity 
to show up the niaterail cussidness uv the Afrikin race, wich we improved. 

On my trrival at the Comers, I knew to wunst tiiat suthin wuz wron^j 
The bottles behind the bar wuz draived in black; (the b«arrel3 jwuz jfestooneil 
gloomily (widh is our yoosual method of expressin grc-ef at public calamities), 
and the premises generailly wore a funeral aspeck. 

"Wat is it?" gaisped I. 

Bascom returned not a word, but waved hjs hand towaads the Post 
Offia. 

Ruthin thither, I bustid open the door, and reeled almost agin the wall. At 
the general defliveay wuz the grinnin 6ice uv a nigger! and settLn in my chair 
'vmz Joe Bigler, with Pollock beade him, smokin pdi>es and laflin over suthin 
in a nooseijaper. 

Bigler oaugfht s&be uv me, and dartin ouit, pulled me inside them hitherto 
sacred pradnka. 

"Permit me," sed he, Jeerinly, "to tnterdooao you to yoor aucoessor, Mr. Cee- 
ser Luibby." 

"My sueoessor! Wat does this mean?** 

"Show him, Ceeser!" 

And the nig^r, every tooth in his head aiiinfiai, handed m© a oommisha 
dooty mssuds ant, aaid dsoed. I saw it all at a glance. I hed left my biznfe In 
tibe bandji uv a depetity. It itrrived the day after I left, and I«aker Gavitt, 



1^ The l^AssY Lettsrs, 

w^o di55trfT>'l)i?ted thi^ m;ii1. gave it to the cuss. Potnoctk mad© cnt the bonda 
oad went Ointo em himtself, and in tf^u d lyis the commiisiin come all regler, wbere- 
1 JKXQ. BigW backt tilie tji^.^.'r au<] took fon-eable poc^eserJon iw the office. While 
I wuz a.l>seiit tbey bed bwl a p^erc^ession i,i bouiuir uv tlbe joyful event, sed per- 
cefiihn coiLsistiin uv Pollock. Big-ier, and tbe inew Fosinasiister, w(ho marched 
tbronfyh tJie streets with thip sstiars and srripeis, bsinxLer® and sifc-h.. B.g'ler re>- 
markt tiiit th-e perc-eisjisiioa wuzn't large, biia it wriz taJ^eonted, em&oein^tiy respec- 
table, and extreme-ly versa teel. He (B-^-Iht) cai-ried tJbe flag, ajid played the 
fife; PoUock cantled a banner with an i!nis<Tip«hen aa it, "Sound tiie loud 
tinJared o'ea- Egypt's dark sea," ajud played Ghe bsts3 drum; wMle tihe ndgger 
b«re aloift a banner insfaibed, "^Maerrt Afnic's sumny fotunitibis roU dorwTi the 
ir<riden sands," wtth hi»s cornmi«sion pinned omto itt, pla,yiii in addisiiien a poiir 
UT anis(h«it cyinibals. Biglor remarkt furtiber tihat tfhe peroeshun created a 
poeative senisashim a.t tlhe Conners, wicfh I shood tlhink ift wood- "It wuzn't," 
sed the tornaenitin cu^, "very -much Lke the gnamd percesaon wich tiook place 
wiien TOO recedved yoor oonrarsshn. Then the wihites lat the OoimeTS wuz ela- 
ted, for they sj>ectidi to git wat yoo owed em in doo time, and tflie nigg'ers wuz 
oorrespoMdinly deprest- They slunk intio (by-ways smd side-ways; they didn't 
bofld up tbdr heads, and they dusted out ez fast ez they 
cood git. At thia percession ther wuz a cfeange. The ni^gexia 
laced tihne streets ez we passed, grinmm exukinly, aud th« whites wuz deprest 
oorr€(spond£nly. It's smgler that ait the OcMiijeira the two races can't feel good 
both at the same time.** 

'Mj arrival hevin become known, by the tdjne I got back to Bascom's all 
my friends hed gathered tiiere. There wuzn't a dry eye aimojng e-m; and ez I 
tbot uv tbe joya once tastid, but now for -ver fled, mine moistemjcd likewise. 
There wua a visible dhang-e in their maauer towanis me. They iregiarded m« 
with sodisitood, but I cood discern that the eolisitjood wuz not so much fo» 
uae ez for tihemselves. 

*^^at isfhel 1 do?" I askt. "SuOxin nnist be devised, for I caiu't starve.** 
"Pay me wat yoo owe me!" ejake'latiKl Baiscom. 
*'Pay me wat yoo owe me!" ejakelalid I>eeMn Pot^ram, amd the samae re- 
iBai<k wuz nsde 'by all uv era with vw>L!de»rfiJ yoonianimiity. Wat<?veT differ- 
fSDces uv oTjinyun tlhefr mite be on other topdcs, on this they wuz all agreed. 

"Gentlemen!" I commenced, backing totx) a caii3*r, "fiis tihfiis generoiis? Isl 
this t!he ti-eatmenrt I ihev a right to expect? la this—" 

I shood hev gome on at flength, but jist at this mininit PoEock, Joe Bigler. 
and the new Poustmiaster entered. 

"I hev ibiznis!" sed the Postmaster; "aot agreeable bfizariis, but it's my of- 
fibsiiel doorty to perform it." 

At the word "offisfcei" comin from hia lips, I graaned, wich wuz ek 
koed by those present. 

"I hev iai my hand," continyood he, "die bond giben by amy predeoessar. 
onto widh is de names uv George W. B usoom, Elkanah Pogmm, Hugh Mi-Pel-I 
ter, and Seth Pennibacker, ez sureties. In dis oder 'hiamd 1 ihiold a skcdodl oib 
de property belongin tq de 'partment wich wuz turned ober to him by his pre- 
decessor, ooaisistin oif table, chairs, boxes, locks, bags, et settry, wid sundi-y 
dollars worf of stamps, paper, twine, &c. None ob dis offis profp^rty, turned 
ober to my prrjdecessor by his prederess^or, is to be found in de offis, and de 
<ybjick ob dis visit is to notify yoo dat ouless iimmejit payment fbe made uT 
the amount thereof, I am directed by de 'partmenft to bring soot to-wnnfiit 
i^gnii^t the sead sureties." 

Nersse be£os« did I «o aj>prodate A- Jo!ha3iso(nu «3id feaS BastanaMar Geflaiearuj 



I 



UsSer th.dx adimidsi^ra.-jheii wni PoestmastCT- vmz er&r pulled up for 
sftedin aoytihin? Bko ans^rg. This wuz iiTie feaOiOT that broke the camera 
b&ck. 

Wat!" exclaimed Bascom, '*shel I lose wat yot> owe roe, amd them |)ay 
fcxr wat yoo've sfCoIe?" 

Shel I lose the money," sed Pogram, "widh I lent joo, and ia addishen pay 
a AbLLshen governmeait for property yoo've oonfiscaited?" 

"But the ppaperty is here," I reinarkt to Ba/scom; *^oo*r9 g«tt It all. Why 
not return it, and save all this tr(>uble?" 

"Wat wood I hev then for the whiskey yooV© oansoooned?^ be ejakdated 
-rMrasly. "It's all I've ever got from yoo; (and I've been keepin yoo fear 
tour years.** 

"Dkiu't that property pay yoo for the likker?** I asked; birt Baaoom 
mMx in no humtor for fig-g^is, and he pitched into me, at mdh pfleasamt pastime 
ttey alii foUered soot. But for Joe Bigler, tbey vrood her killed one. Ez it 
wuz, they blackit both my eyes, and roiled me ooit oanto the sidewalk, irtiuttia tha 
i^oae agin me. 

Bz I heard tttat door slam to, I felt thalt all wnz lo^. No offis! no maonjl 
mad Bascom 'is closed agin me! Kin ther bo a harder fatje? I passed the oxtB 
with a farmer, tJhree miles out, who, bein mek, hedn't bfin to tihe Ooimeas, aaod 
cosoaekently knowd nuthin uv the dhang'os. 

I heerd the next day the result uv th-e ruckislhun. Bascom reitnmed sidh 
UT the property ez hedn't -been sodd and oonsoamed, widh consisted UT the 
boxes. The chairs bed bin broken up in the frekent elhdtndiea wioh occur at 
Gm nlace; itbe locks bed bin sold to farmesrs who yoozed em on tiiedr smoke 
bouses; t/be bags bed bin sold for vheat, and so on. The stamps, paper, twine, 
and si eh, fig^ered up three hundred and foityssix dollars, widh wuz three hun- 
dred naore dollars than there wuz in the Comera, Basoom 
advanced the fo^^ty^sdx dollars, and the three hundred wuz 
bt-TTered ur a banker ait Seoessionville, who took mortgageta on the fajimis ut 
iflie imprudent bondsmen for sekooaity. Uv course I can't g'o back to the Ooav 
aers under eggsLstSn circumstances. It wnxid be uncomfortable for me to 
live tbea-e ez matters terminated. I shel make my way to WasiMnton, and shel 
«ee if I can't git myself electid ez Manager of a Labor Associataon, and oo 
n>ake a livin till there comes a change in the Admindstrasihen. I wood fasten 
myself on A. Johnson, but unforchnitly there aint ennff in him to tie to. I 
m<ood ca mxm think ut tyin myaedf to a oar wheel 5n a storm at sea. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
twidh waa Foat Ma^stcr^ 



"CUSSID BE CAMAN!" 



A LECTURE DELITBERD AT MUSIC HALL, BOSTOIT, 

DECEMBEB 22, 1867. 



W« aro sfi denoeiBded frooi c™t)^^&t!hex». Nesirlj a OKtoiy a^ fbe cnund- 
fatliera of eoone <xf iis, in ooarrendoa assembled, uttered xa doctrkiie, vliicii they 
beaieved coald mot be gainsoiid, ttuese words: "We laold ^aesse truths to be 
•€lf-eTid€nit, tfcai <ail naea are created, equal; that tihiey are csndowed by tlieir 
QrealKyr Mth certaoa inajapiiftiAa rights; tb£bt auMoc: tSa^ese are life, liberty, and 
ttie punsuit «f happisiflBS.** 

Th;omias Jefl&pscm. iraa tibe paaSicular grandfa.tbea' wino TPW3it« titase M|;k- 
wcmiudaiig -wsordis, aaud, as a conseqnenoe, h© baa beea ever sanse 3aailed as the 
fatber of ittie omlly poiitioal partor wihicfh. nerer beJaered ki i^won. My particular 
vcdssi'oia is t30 slbcyw tSiait Jeife:soai was a nucst sLaHow person, wibSicii opiinico of 
Jefferson is Y«y giesMral m tihe South. Tlrue^ tihe Demwcnacy claim him las Its 
father; but •whieau 'w« r^neaid)er that the same party daim Jack^aa, the stran- 
gler 0(f secessEoBi, sb aaKofefc^: fia4iher, we oaa eaaiiy see bs&w iSasii, can be. We 
have elaimed these amen aa ancestors OD4y esnce they departed tMs liivs. Shmdd 
fthey ri»9 froon iSs^a d^sud, asod be blessed witih a "vierw of tfefiar reputed mjos, par- 
tacrufciiiiy tSie brancfii «d tft» faamily that haiS takea up ttts •reeiidaace aji tie city of 
New York, they wxawid, I dou^ ikot, hold up tfaeir liaaaids ita iKwrar, and exdaim, 
"It's a wise jBatiher w4» knows his own chdld." 

It was wedl ««ouglh for JeffeaisoBi to assert the equab^ orf meaa before tfliere 
wiaa profit in ieequality; but had he boen really a prophet, he wiould have dcme 
no sucfti thing. In bis day Slarery was Tiopwofiiaible, aind, coaisequeaatly, »ot 
the hoiy thing' it iaaa beeaa sdlace. Tte slares were feuidena instead of ai(fe, for 
the planters weiQ competed to provide for tbem. The hogs ate tiie com, 
nnd the negroes ote tflie hogs, leaving t&e poor owTxers oudy wha.t they left. Buit 
happily there cottoe a change. An fej^renioua Yankee invesntod the coitJton gioa, slave 
lalxa* became valuaibte, and, presto! tii© dofotnm© of the equality «orf men was 
consigned to itftw lus^ for worn-out and useieos rubbfifA, aajd Jeffersoa wen.t 
out Off ftai^oia- Had be been really d€siix>ua o(f being heild up as the prophet 
of the people wtio «.fterw«pds claimed him as such, we should n*ob hare had tho 
forcible sentences I bare read. He would have diluted tliem into som^thimg Mke 
tLfis: "We hraCd these «app«sea truths ito be tolerably self- evident, that, aa a 
rule, all whJte naesx are created equal; thaft thoy are endowed by their Oeator 
with direans aiod suaadiy si^ts, wttadi may be coaasadered isDaHeoialiie; tbat umcog 
these »i9 life, Hbeaely, axui Hub poxamX ^f aScsem!" 



Jeffepsou wrote it, and the other is the vei^oa we use at Ocofedrit X Roada. 
Jefferson was ajt fault in his la.ck of appreciatioTi, and strange om':®si;c<n of 
i:liG -w-Kxrd 'Vtiite." The sume omission is paiufuMy observubie in all the litera- 
ture of the world. I have seiu-cheil faiithfuUy the realms of poetiy and h.story, 
and am compelled to acknowledge that nowhere outside of Che aonstitmians of 
.trbiin States is -the word "white" made a neeessaiy prefix to the word "maiL" 
Ar.d against tOiis I prota-^t. Litei-atui^e shouild cx>nfoi-m to law, and to the 
gieat Caucasian id^>a- The tenn emploved to dtt^uate resi>o(n^:hle beings 
in "the Constitutioes of oair States being "white male," I iu&ist tiat we go 
t)u^>-agh all our books, and substitute "white male" for "man" wherever tihe 
vord "occurs. Thus we shall make Sir AValter Scott say: 

"Breathes there a white m ale, with soul so dead.'* 

Addison shali say. in Oato: 

When vice preyails, and impious white males b«ar sway, 
The post of honor is the private station." 

In Maobeth, tihe murderers shall say: 

'«We are all white males, my Uege.** 

And Macbeth shall answer: 

"Aye, in the catalogne ye go for white males." 

And Othello, before the Senators: 

"She swore 1' faith, 'twas st range— twas passing strange ;- 
'Twas pitiful: 'twas wondrous pitiful. 
She vnshed she had not heard it. yet she wished 
That Heaven had made hor such a white male. 

But in the Bible the improTement would shine out in a dearer and stronger 
light. In our Caucasaan-oux white men's Bibl^-we shaU have such wooxU as 

these: 

1 Samuel 13:14— 

"A wWte male after Us own heart." 

2 Samu.'. 12:7— 

"And Nathan said unto David, Thou art the white male.** 

Psalms 37:37— 

"Mark the perfect wlute male, and behold the upright; for the end of that white 
male is peace." 

-Thou Shalt lore the Lard thy God, and thy white male fellow-dtizen as thy- 
self." 

And in ^« moutli of onx Saviour we shall put tbese words: 

"Suffer little white chUdren to come unto me. and forbid them not, for of such, 
te the kingdom of heaven." 

This passage wmdd be ecpecially grabeful to ns of Kentucky, sho^ving a« it 
'jvoidd that the distinction betA;^'een the races woidd be k^rt up through all eter- 
uity But, unfortunately, the Books do not &3 read. The American people, 
•when slave labor became of ralue, forsook Jeffersm, put tihe word "white" in- 
to thedr laws, and painted the word '^g?er" on their banners, which word baa 
been a political SMbboletJi ever sin£C, It is -this Nigger wbioh we shaM Inresti- 
ptta to-ttxiii. I am ^le more an^ioua that liie people shall undeirstaaid tiw a*- 



tta% t£ €kte b«&i^, as^ the niibsaRSly of the fttie^iipt to e4e^»ate faam t» »aaAM«i, 

for ^ta re-ieoa tiat aoj effort to that edd is now befeog made. The iiisane agi- 
CatXMTS, wild d«iy itihe trutli of Kentucky thevjAogy, are resisting us in <mr efforts 
to put Irim hi his odd place. lu tihe face of our desires, tihey insist upon delug- 
kig tih« country Tvlth Massaciiusetts, and making of tlie Soutdi a seooaad Ntsw Eng- 
land— foiObories, feirms, ctiurclies, scbool-lKuses and a!lL 

Upon the 957tlh pag^i of the DlctioHiry you wiiU find itihe word "negro" de- 
fined as f<^orws: "One of tihe black, woolly-headed, tMck-lipped, fiat-nosed race 
©f men inhabiting Africa.*' The Negro of tlhe DiotiiOQaary is not the indiridual 
of wWeh I shall speak. The Neigro I know laothing abooit; the Nigger I have 
sp<5n* mucii .time in iflareatdgating, and flatter myself I understand it thoroughly. 
I say it of ti^e Niggeir, and him of the Negra, for t[here iis a w£de difference 
betweeaa tlham. The Negrc* iis a nmn, barn kx Africa, or dxasceaided from natives 
of that country ; fbhe Nigger is aai idea, which exists only in tSie ianaginatLoai of 
peasonis of t!he baugfliity Caucasian race roajdenit m the United States. It i« an 
id'ea wliidh STv-ays men, and influences theaa* acdion, witlhouit iiaving being; a 
mytih, which influenioes the wwld, -without possasiaiDgi form or sluape. It is po- 
•essed of xaxuy attributes, is many-sided, miany-shiaped, vastly endowed, and fear- 
fully and -wondesphMj maxle. To clear up as I go, I may AiS wall ^•pecify 
scctte o(f Itie iwculiariitiea of the Nigi,'e_'. Foar Instance, it is firmly believed 
ihast he csouid never pnimd-ei for himself; but those so oosoteaiding, also declare 
thai the weaJthj of the oouatry is dependent upon him, and tfliat wiithout him 
weeds woiul<i giKKW in tSie streets «f our cities. It was asserted that he would 
cot ktbor; et the sancbe men undertook the large job of oomquering the Nonth^ 
that th^ m£ght oontinu^ to emjoy the fruits of his daibor. He was paid to be 
•o stupid as to bo incapable of reoedving even the rudiments of an education., 
and yet w-a found It nenaeseary, in our States, to pass stffingent laws, with fear- 
ful pemaities a^/tadhed, to prevent him froim dodng it! It was held by elo- 
quent speakers that he would invade the Noath, and, es he was too indolent to 
-work, he wK)uld fill o<ur almshouses and jails; and the same speakers would 
assert a nxxment later, with equal eloquence, that accustomed as he always 
had been to labor, he would work for loss pay than white men, and throw them 
aH out of ecaploymeot This last assertion^ I have aotficed, was always made 
by gentlenkan in llbe vicalnity of bar-rooms, whoise niose were solferino^ued, 
v.'hose hats were crownless, and whose wives, for amusement probably, took 
in washing to feed the children. It is An unfortunatie fact for us, that men who 
labor in eaj^est have never been afraid of the oampetitiioai of the Nigger. 
Ijoyrer down in the scale of creation than the baboon^ they were fearful he 
would, df n<>t restrained by law, teach their schools, sit as judges, and be elected 
to Ooffi^tes; so repuiLsdve an. eppearanoe htad they painted him, with his thick 
lips, black face, and kinky hair, that tihe very thought of one womld make a 
•white damsei sihudder; nevertheless they demanded tihe enaotmeat of laws bi 
States where wom«a may choiose thedr husbands unrestrained, to prevent 
these same whasta damseils froan marrying them. Immjeasuralbly beneath them 
ka eveiy particular, they feilt oaUed upon to perp«tuallly cay, "Protect us from 
nagger equality!"— and so on. 

Jefferson's fault was the result of a lack of knjOfwledge. He knew aU about 
th« Negro, but motihing about the Nigsjer, and it was well for him, therefore, 
(4tat he lived in tihe year of our Lord 1776. Had he lived ninety years later, 
and eniunciated the sauie doctrine, we should have shot him, as we did Lovejoy. 
Weans he alive mow, he could not have been elected to Oongress in the distriot 
rapreaeDt£d by the Him. John M3.rii3ey! No, iod«sed! The gentlemen who 
left t tori i r vatire soil baoaAute of liike K^^dly of this equala^ (and gf pfrtitoraX 



Che men yrho would hare been carpet-bj»^era but for the lac*, of oaTpei-ba«»— 
tbvse Avho bare kiiidly itaken cbarge of the poli-taes of sererai of the Atlantic 
eities— thtse mesa are Che sharp sticklers that the <Mj?<tinc-tions betweeai msm and 
mau which droye them fi-am the land of their birth be kept up here. Their 
matUj is, "One man is as good as another;" but when thedo' eyes rest upon a 
Mack man, they very properly add, "and better too!" This ckiss hare culli- 
Tated such a delightful hatared of the Nigger that tihey wooi't even drink wiUti 
<me, unless, Smdeed, the Nigger pays for the fluids. This makes some doffcr- 
eince. And that this dastLnction may be kept up, we hare iuterpoiaied into 
Jefferson's Dedoratioii the word "white," and assert, rehemeatly, that both 
Scripture ajnd sdence, of which we know much, justify the interpoiatioii. In 
Kentucky, we don't take the Declaration of Ind^3peDdenice as rwe d» our -whift- 
key, straight, but we sweeten It to our taste. We have all tlhe iwissages of Scrip- 
ture rei-ating to lit at our tongues* end. At the CJomers, you can hear at ajijr 
tdmo those whose appearance hardly denotes eruditioai, whose noses blossom as 
the Idbsber, whose hair asserts impatience of restraint by obtruding itself 
tibrough the comers of tiheir hats, whoso toes (manifest themselves through 
their ventilafted shoes, and to Vbose perpendiculaifity posts are neceseaiy, ex- 
daam. umctuxyusfly, "And Noea: planted a vineyard, and drank of the wine, and 
was drunken. Cussed be Oanaan." 

Having dwelt as long as is profitable upon the attributes of this intea-est- 
big being, I pass ito an exaraflnatioai of his origin. It is found in the 9th chai>- 
twr of Genesis. The wwrid, sunk iaii wickedness, was destroyed by a flood. But 
it was not the desagn of the Almdghty to exterminate the race. I -will not 
atop here to argue w^hether dt would have been better to have made clean work 
<rf it or not. I was in New York, a few weeks ago, and thought, perhaps, it 
would. Be that as it may, one family he preserved in tflie ark, and when tlie 
tempests that had wrought His judgments had subsided, and the purified earth 
was again fit for tihe ocouipancy of maji, this famaiy left their floating home, 
and went out upoai its face. The Bool^ gdves a slhort, though satisfaotoay ac- 
count of what followed. Noah, six hundred years odd at the tnme, having seen 
tiothing but water for naarly twelve months, wanted a change. He planted a 
rineyard, pressed the grapes, draaik the wine therefrom, and iwas drunken; 
which was a very indiscretst performance for one at his age. Had he been a 
mere infant of one lor two hundred years, it wouldn't have been so singular, 
but a mature man. of six hundred ought to havo known better. It has. always 
been a mystery at the Corners how Noah could become inebriated on so thin 
a drink as new wine. Deacon {Pogram remarked that Noah wuzn't a seas- 
oned vessel. In that oondition he lay down in his tent with insufficient cloth- 
vns upon him. As it waa in the beginning, so it is now, and ever shall (be. To 
thds day the man who drinks wiU sooner or later get down with too little cloth- 
ing upon ham. Ham, his youngest son, saw him, and laui^hingly told his 
brethren. Shem and Japheth reproved Ham for his levi^ty, and took their gar- 
oneuts upon their shoulders, aard going backward, laid them upon him. When 
Noah awoke, he knie?v what Ham had done, and he cursed him in these 
words: "Curaed be Canaan; a servant of servcnts sihall he be unto hia 

brethren." 

"Upon this one act of our common fath-f-r hung momentous results. That 
one draught of wine set in motion a succession of events that affected the fate 
of the greatest nation of the world, in all conceivable ways, from the elec- 
tion of constables to tihe fighting of great battles. For in that cup of wine 
was Demociacy— then end there it was born, and that cup of wine gave thai 
9aat^ its Na^ear—eU ^m capi^ it OTer had. The temperance tell us that ia 



"• Sb» Kasbt 

e^ cnp of wlix« tJi«* te ai Serfl; ta tW. «,, ,« wffl <adc«nrl«ic« fter« -vmi 
» iftTS^ and partknriariy lirely ©ne. 

The drinkiBg af this Tmie, and the dnjnkeimew <9»t St yradoeed upon th« 
mexpenenced Noaih, was tttie cause of a dirisioo of the lmiia« race into two 
ctess€s-white men and ni^gera. Under the head Hjf -wiute aen, we class the 
w T ^'f,^^^^' ^tih his aquiUne m>se, coppery camplexioa, and straight 
teiir; the M<mgoiian, with (Ms oUve-ooiared skm, black bair, and flat nose; the 
Uiuoasmn, wi4ih his fiair complexion, hair ^ot aftl oodors, asid featni^s of all shapes; 
th^^t, with his rariaible features; and-Demo^i^ata^ A Democrat is counted 
a Trtnte man, no matter what Ms complexion nmj be; no matter what the color 
oi has hai^r nose. AH tlhe re*t of the human fasnfflj-^d Eadicals-we sot 
down as diggers. To the white ra«e we ascribe all tbe glory of the Soath-^ 
to toe others nothing. 

• •^•^J^r^^l'^ ""^ ^ "^^^ ^*'^*' ^""^ con«equ€Bt degredation of the hlack 
M justified by the few of us who read the Kble, by the sin o<f Ham ; though, by 
t/he way we have nothing to say in particular of tlhe an of Noaih, which pre- 
ceded and led to it, Noah's sin being one that we ^ oompeilled, for obriou*^ 
reasons, to look upon with much leniency. 

To be frank, I have never believed tha,t poor Hann was fairly dealt with. 
I have always pataed Ham. He was, doubtless, a great, good-natured fel-. 
low with a keen appreciation of the ludicrous, and was vastly amused at th« 
cc^ditiou of has sire. Drunkenness was not so common in that day as to ey^ 
ute dasgust; and as he saw the old navigator on his bajck, his face twisted witi^ 
inebriety, his gnoros waking the echoes, and the walla of hia tent swaying 
from his hard breathing, he doubtless thought he had, as tflie slang-users w? 
this day would say, "a good thing on the odd man." 

^ ^u^ '^Ji^^^ ^ laughing matter with the foolish Haan, it was not so witJi 
tihe shrewd Shem and Japheth. They pierced the future. To get into the goorl 
graces of their father, they turned their backs upon his sin and folly (as w« 
do nowadays upon the sin and folly of those from whom we want favors) 
and. precisely as we do, cast over his sin their garments. The oniy parallel U 
this we have m modem times occurred in Washington a few years ago. Ai.-^ 
drew Johnson was very much in the condition of Noah upon one memorable 
-2d of February, and a small army of patriot, who had as.^essorsMbs, posi 
offices and collec-torships in their eyes, made haste to cast their garments over 
him. But they did not succeeed in covering him. Noah awoke, and in the ill- 
humor which always follows excess, cursed poor Ham, and condemned his son 
Canaain to be the servants of his uncles forever. This was the beginning of 
Demiocracy. Drunkenness brought exposure, exposure shame, shame a curse, 
ai.d thus cursed, Ham went out a Nigger. Drunkenness made Nigger, Nigger 
made Democracy, and the two have been running the machine ever since. 

We have now plainly before us the origin of the Nigger, and have, ther^ 
fere, a starting point for our inveibigafcions. Here were three brothers, Shem, 
Ham and Japheth, with a curse upon Hara, cond^Tining his children to servP the 
.»thei-s. We, the whites, claim t^ be the descendants of the other two, and con- 
sequently assert tihe right tx> own aaid u-ork the cMldren of our unfortunate 
nrole The claim is a comfortable one. Labor is sometMng aJl men dread- 
and ,f It can be positively fixed that Noah did curse Ham, and tlhat he spoke by' 
authonty, and that the negro is r&ally the descendant of Ham, and we are the 
descendants of Japheth, we have really a good thing of Lt. We of Ken^tucl^. 

^r XT r^' T:^ ^ ^^ ^^^ ^'^'^^^ ^^^ ^^ l^b^' ^ o^ particular friends lU 
the NortSj served m the armv— by subaiitut** 



Thi ^asby Lettsrs. hi 

One cup «f ^vine, and a curse after it, made a difference in the hlatorr of the 

world. 

How differently history AVX)iild hare been written had Nocuh started a tem- 
perance society at the beginning, or had the Maine liquor law been in operatiw. 
in that country. Or had he taken up any other brandi of agriculture! Had 
he planted corn instead of grapes, or gone into sheep or poultiy; had a frost 
blig-hted his grapes, or a mildewi struck them, or had tlhe sersw of his pre«3 
broken; had any one of these things happened, he would not have become in- 
ebriated; Ham would not have seen him; there would have been no curse, no 
Nigger, no Democracy. For who can imagine a Democmey witfliout a Niggear 
to be liept in subjection! Or suppose that all of Ham's children had died of 
diphtheria! Had any one of these things happened, the whole course of po- 
liitioal events woudd have been changed. We never should have seen at politi- 
oaa meetings in the West, wagon-loads of ancient feonales, witih banners over 
thedr venerable heads, and inscribed thereon this agonizingly touci^ing appeal: 
"Fathers, protect us from negro equality!" as though they were not old 
enoug*h, as a rule, to protect themselves. Or tihis heroic declaration: "^Tute 
husbands or none!" which, taken in connection with their a^e and single con- 
dit&on, would indicate that if they had ever had offers they must have com* 
from black men. In the East, tlie gentlemen who sent the Hon. John Morrisey 
to Congress froon New York, would have been spared the crimes of arson and 
murder, for there wiould have been no nigrger orphan asylums to awaken their 
righteous indagnadon; no adult mole niggers to hang to lamp posts. But as an;jr 
one of th^se things wK>uld have changed the complexion of affairs, and pre- 
vented the unfortunaite dhamge in Ham's complexion, and as they did no* 
happen, we are bound to admit that Pro^ndence intended the negro to be kept 
down, and in the eternal fitness of things, arranged for an organization U^ 

keep him down. 

TMs curse is the great pivotal fact upon which American politics hare 
turned for years. But we found many difficulties in it. Tte first difficulty 
which occurred to me, is the fact that all of Ham's children did not suffer in 
cjonsequence off tHieir father's flittle indiscretion. It ought to have fallen upom 
aU alike, but it did not. Nimrod was a descendant of Ham, but he was not th& 
servant of anybody, very mudi. On the contrary, quite tbe reverse. He was a 
mighity (hunter before the IxHd; and mtghty hunters have never been servant.'. 
The man strong enough to struggle with the lion and to overcome the tiger, an i 
brave enough to dare the dangers of the chase for the fierce delights it affordi\. 
is not the man to humbly humip his shoulders, and to a mere man say that mo«t 
hateful of all words, ":MasteT." Besides, Nimrod built cities and estabhshei 
kino-doms, wbich is not itihe work of servants. We are forced to the conduaon, 
therefore, thait the curse hedd to Canaan onfly; that Nimrod's children mingled 
with the sons of Shem and Japheth, and that their descendants are to-day white 
men. This troubles us; for, counting it a truth, we were associating with those 
having the blood of the cursed Ham in their veins; and be^des, if one of the de- 
scendants of Ham escaped the curse, may not others get out from under it at 
the same place? Again, if the Negroes of Africa, from wMcih country we pro- 
cured the stock we are blessed with, are really the descendants of Canaan, the 
son of Ham, the curse whidi Noah imposed upon tfhem lost its adhesive power 
for many centuries. The brethren separated, and each went about his business. 
I have spent sleepless nights ui>oai this qnesitio'n, but I must confess that I can 
find no proof that Oanaan, or any of his descendants, were, until a compara- 
tively recent date, tlhe servants of anybody! Can ft be that the curse was a^ 
tau4>oatM7 in E^ effects as the wine that produced it? Did it evaporate with 



il2 The JNassy Lsttjer*. 

thfl fuin«s tihereoif ? tyid iit paaa away witib Noah** headache t!he neit morn 
lug? Did Noiali make over to Shem and Japheth propeanty for vrhich he bad 
tto tiLtle? 

Unfortunately Sheooa's descendants are said to have stayed in Asia, Ham's 
weaoit to Africa, and Japheth's peopled Europe. Here is the difficulty that besels 
me. HofW could Ham's desceaidants serve their brethren, they staying Ln Af- 
rica, while the brethren were comfortably established in Europe and Asia? It 
naay be answered tlhat they went after tlhem; but, alas! they had no ne-sd of 
that. The sfcrooig Shemites found enough weak Shemdites to enslaye without go 
Ing after their cousins, and the same is true of the Japhethites. The Tartai-a 
made servan/ts of the Chinese, the Normoois of the Saxons, and the Ramana 
had a cheerful haJSit of gobbling up all the weaker people within their reach. 
Among these, I regret to say, were the ancestors of those before me — your £a- 
tlheirs and mine. The curse was in in. existence, and had power, but somichiow 
it was denK rallied. T^Tien Noah fired it off it missed its aim. It scattered 
like a poor shot-gun, and hit where he did not intend it. For in all agas of the 
world slavery hias existed. There never has been a time when strong men 
were not too lazy to work; never a time when there were not brutes and Im- 
beciles — the two classes necessary to the system. The strong enslaved the 
weak without regard to Noah. They did it in a maMy way, too. The enslavers 
did not ask the parson they wished to enslave for their family record; they did 
not atteonpt to ascertain whether or not he was descended from Canaan. Not 
they. If they wanted a servants, they sought out a man weaker than they; they 
knocked him down, in the old fashioned way, with a club; they beat til 
the original man was pretty much pummelled out of him, and then, reduced 
to the oondition of a beast, he was the individual they desired. His.tory is fidl 
of these insfcaiuces. audi Jefferson had this kind of history in his mind 
when he wrote the Dedlaration; which would have been weill 
enough had he put the word "white" in its proper place, that there 
might be no doubt as to his meajning. 

As he left it, it applies to black as well as white, and striotly construed 
nobs us of our Mgger. 

We could never find any testimony in the Scriptures that the dusky tons 
of Africa were the descendants of Canaan; and this is another difficulty. To 
be a servant, aa our people understand it, one ought to be an inferior; and we 
held that the negro was our inferior, and ought to be our servant, because of 
the curse. Behold the snag upon which our boat runs. Our conservative breth- 
ren oppose the conferring of any rights upon these people, because we dread 
tiie supremacy of the negro! That sweet boon to an oppressed people, Andrew 
Joihnson, in Ms annual message, always devoted a chapter to the danger of 
this race taking x)08session of the government, and conducting it themselves; and 
I a/m not certain but that I have seen the same fear expressed in the reports 
of Secretary Welles, as he said regularly whatever the President has said. 
Seward once dwelt upon it at length, but I do not Uke to quote him. The dis- 
tance from Abraham Lincoln to Andrew Johnson was so great, that the leap 
from the one to the other broke his moral back. He has never stood upright 
since. Thvi friends of the race jeeringly say that if the negroes should take 
the government in their own hands» they hope they will conduct it to better ad- 
vantage than the late President has, for if they do not, it wousld prove to the 
sa/tisflaction of everybody that the curse was a reality, and that they are not 
fit, as yet, to be intrusted witii political rights. 

Now we have in the United States foaip milUona of these people, all told, 
•fid tSurty miUk>n0 of whites. It Is as certain as the muldplicatioo tabi* that kf 



tmm Kasbt Lkt^mui. 113 

fe^rs are Be«*aafT *» prsfreist them frons ffo^eimins u», tbey esuM be t9i« sti- 
perior and we the mferior race. If, in & dear field, tte four milli'ons can con- 
trol the thirty millions, it must be certainly because of the superiority of the 
four imillious. It troubles us to reconcile this pet fear of ours with our daima 
of superiority. 

I hare never been able from the Book, to determine just how far that curse 
extended. Noah's words were, "Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall 
be be unto his brethren." I ask especial atteaition to the wording of this 
text, as it affords a complete justification of the practice of amalgamation, &o 
common in the South under the old system. The Canaanites were condemned 
to be servants imto their brethren. Not unto the stranger, but their brethren. 
How except through this, let me ask, cooiild the slaves of the South be 
brethren unto their masters? But we have full faith that the curse was in- 
tended to include not only Canaan, but his descendants. If it was only to 
cover Canaan, and was to die with him, of what use would it have been to 
us? Had it died with Canaan, we of Kentucky wo.ild have been doing our own 
work to-day, and we might have put oa its tombstone the epdtaph written for 
the kitten which died too young: 

J 
"If I was so soon to be done for, i 

> "Wbat was I begun for?" 

It may be wdl here to consider briefly the question o(f color, wMc8i haa 
worried and perplexed all of us. We are wMte, or copper-cx^ored, aaid the ne- 
groes, su«h of them as stayed at tliq North are black. The question is, '*Whj 
black?" One theory is, that color is the resuilt of cliimate, diet, habits of life, 
and other conditions, which, persevered in for many generations, will change 
the appearances of families of mc-n. The people of my state know better. They 
ascrjbe it to the curse of Noah; that Ham, being the brother of Shem and Japh- 
eth, was originally white, even as they were, but that he went out from the pres- 
ence -of his father with this mark of displeasure, not only upon his face, but 
spread all over his body. The very name to us is significant of oolor. The curse 
dhauged at once hi-s physical nature, and the change took place suddenly. Whrai 
Ham got to his room that morning, and gazed at hamself in his mirror, he 
called, in astonishment, for Shem and Japheth, that he mdght be introduced to 

hismsedf. 

Noah,wheto he dhauged Ham's style and shape, had doubtless a glirapse of the 
future, and he made of him precisely the kind of man that the future required. 
As he was to be the menial of Ms brethren for all time, he considerately gave 
him a eomplexion suited to his condition; one that would not show dirt. To' 
further fit him for the discharg'? of the duties that were to be his, his nose 
was flatteaed, that it could never be turned up in scorn at anything; his arms 
were elongated, his shoulders were broadened, his forehead was driven back- 
word, and his hair, long and straight like ours, was converted into wooi, that 
1 he should wfste no time in dressdng it, and also that we, his masters, might 
have a better hold for our fingers. These are the physical characteristics of 
the race in America, and we afl&rm that the negro (must and ought to be a 
slave, because the Alnrig'hty, working through Noah, made him exactly of the 
shape and style necessary to that conditSon. 

There may be a mistake here. It is possible, as I one© heard a philosophl-^ 
cal soo of Ham say, that those who hold these views have been all alcHig mis- 
taking their own work for the Almighty's. He had the impudence to say that 
It was possible thait when the first negro was landed on our shorn he w&s 
neet3»er flat^iosed, loaig-heeled, nor larye^Landed. He w^as, IwweTer, te<li.i»&SSi 



114 Ta« Nasst Lsttie*. 

cet at woiit: g^uibUns lacd ia Titg^s^i his oc^e wsji b«liif coeliEmafij lyuts&ei 
by the fist of Ms dhiralrous mas^^"; liis ahouldera were broadeo-edl by tibe bal- 
dens piled upon them; his hands were wideaied by constjanffe holding O'f tihe hoe, 
and his hed was proivldentially lengthened to eaaable ivim to maiintain his equi- 
librium under the loads he was compelled to cany. Had they (been shorter, 
he wouid, when oiverlKDiaded, have fallen backward. His r&oeding forehead he 
aooounted for in this wuy: "Of what use," isaid he, "T>'H>uild a hesid shaped to 
hold brains be to 0(06 who had no brains to hold? and why shooild ho hare 
brains who has no oooasaion to use them?" But I noticed thai this particular 
TJigger, who had leamied to read and write, had a head shaped very much like 
dhe ordiaairy people of intelligence, and that his diildi-en, who oould not only 
'!?ead and wrdte, but cipher, were stiU more so. He had put out his Oine talent 
to usuiy, and it had becxxme ten in his descendants. We of the South feai-ed 
\hd8. We would not fly in the face of the Lord oca any a>coo>unt. Zealous to 
fuflM His wKHd, and determined thati for TTia gtory Cana;an should forever be a 
servan/t unto Gbis brethren; and fearful that if they shouid gain knowdedge they 
nright gure the Lord the slip, and be their own man, we withheld our knowledge 
from them. Piously, therefore, we em acted laws niaJdng the teaching of t^ese 
Iforeoirdained slaves to read the sacred word of God a penitentiary offence. 
And am our determination that they should not be unfitted for their destiny, we 
did hang very majny meddlesoane Yankees wtoo donibted it all, and proposed to 
do something txvwaxds elevating them above the ooaiditLon of beasts. In those 
happy days, south of the Ohio river, it ooily required twenty minutes of time 
to arrest, try, hang, and divide the dothes of a Northern schoolteacher. And 
vehen one o(f these Noah-cursed men demcnstrated, by opposing the wdll of his 
master, that he had brains, the matter was pleasantly and peremptorily set- 
tled by knocking them out. A great deal of brain has beem thus disposed of in 
Che Southern States. 

Another trouble that besets us, la the fact that the curse remiained inopera- 
tive and in abeyance for centuries after it was pronjounced. The cihildi-'en of 
Ham, it is supposed, occupied Africa ali by tJhem'seilves, They fell, as did their 
♦jousins in Europe and Asia, into vice; their Tiees betng just as much more 
detestable than those cultivated by their cousins as the climate <yi their coun- 
fiy is hotter. Vice, like vegetation, attains its greatest perfects on in hot cli- 
mates. The farther eouth you go the less orthodox you find mankind. Ver- 
imomt, where man wrestles with Nature, amd wrests a subsistence from 
an unwilling soil by main •treoigtih, baa never faltered in 
her devotion to humaaiity. Louisiana, on the other hand, whesre 
Nature yieilda her treasures at the asking, is as true to the Democracy as thf» 
needle to the pole, or the Kenituckian to 'his whiskey; two examples of fidelity 
equaled by nothing else in this world. TNTiere men find a living ready-made, 
tihey have too much time upon their hands to toe good. The Ten Command- 
ments have but lilttle chance where labor iis unnecessary. Had South Caro- 
L^na been blessed with a nwmth <yf\ sledghing each year, she never would have 
passed an cctdinance of secession. No oCimate less hot than that of Missis- 
sippi could deveHop such a man as Jeff Davis; and Salisbury, Andersonville, 
!Belle Isle, and General Forrest were only possible wh^ere the thermometer 
stands at one hundred for months together. It may be, indexed it has been said 
by a few soldiers who survived Andersonville, that the heat in wMcii the men 
I have menrtaoaied, exist, wias not meant to affect the moral naitures, but wa« 
jntendcsd by a kind Providence, who foreknow their destination, to prepare them 
in aoone sfli^t^ xneasure, foor the istill greajter heat to wMdh ffehey ore ceztaki t» 
^ SQibjected in tha future. 



S NasCT LcT¥£&& ill 

ftiid the Sikamiess fell to a still d^eeper dt^iitii of bai-barism, as did cur African 
trother. 

In Europe the JapTiethites bull!; large castles, aiid rode about upon horses, 
crad absurdly 5m cast iron, with inverted pots upon tiheir heads, killing each 
other -witih iron spe<ars, and the Africans were doing the same things, on a 
Sfmalle? st-ale, with spears pointed with fi^-bones. 

But the sens of Canaan had noL as yet been Introduced to the curse, un- 
fortunatesly. There were slaves in Africa, but they were slaves not unto Jap'h- 
eth's diildren, but unto tbemselres, precisely as the chiildren of Shem anfl 
Jap(heth ensdaved meoi of itheCr own race. When Caesar conquered a nation 
8X wiar -^ith Rome, he made slaves of h's captives; and when Gumbo Quashee, 
ivnlnee otf Borrioboola G-ha, led his ho^ts of waniors against a neighboring 
ling, he dragged back captives in his tralin, who were at once enslaved. If 
Gumibo me»t defeat, the only difference was, he took his turn at the mill. The 
'tttsiLaTed have always been the vic^ms of a curse, not of the drunken NoaJh, 
"'»ut of that (more terrible curse, weaivuess. 

There is anotlher ugly point in this matter of tihe curse that is hardly 
>?Oirth referring to, buit it may be as well. The fact is (and this hurts us), the 
Africans, the woolly-headed, thick-lipped, dark-skinned Africans, of whom we 
\ave made slaves undeo- the curse, are not the descendants of Canaan, upon 
'»hora ttie curse fell, at all. 

Unfortunately for us, who bare risked our all upon tMs, the Scriptures ai« 
■explicit upon this point. 

Canaan begat Sidon and Heth, and their descendants were the Jebusites, the 
Lmorites, the Girgashites, and— sites of other tribes. The Book tells us pre- 
t£se4y where they are located. 

Too lazy axid too shiftless to more any distance, they pre-empted the ground 
upon which Jerusalem staaids, their territory iacluding those New Yorks of the 
otd world, Sodom and Gomorrah. They vrere not nice people to have for next 
^foor neighbors. They had many disagreefible habits. They were a compound 
<rf Brigham Young and Kldd the Pirate, and it is supposed that SaTt Lake 
i'jity and NeJW York were moK^eled aft^r their principal towns as near as may 
be. It wnll be remembered that these two dties, Sodom and G<>morrah, came 
^ a sudden eaid- 

Notwithstanding the love I bear the metropolis, because of its politics, the 
reading of the account of the destruction of these cities, and knowing wbat has 
been roay, for the same cause, occur again, has deterred mc- from investing 
very largely in real estate in New York. But these Canaanites did not go to 
Africa; they stayed in Asia; and as we have been enslaving only African-?, it 
is clear that there has been a mistake somewhere, and that we have been inno- 
cently enslaving the wrong race all this time. You all remember the venerable 
story of tftie tub. An old woman broug'it suit once upon a time for the rain* 
of a tub which she had loau-^d. and which had been returned to her, piece by 
piece, t2ie hoops having aQ dropped off. The defence set up by the bor- 
rower was comprehensive. First, and to begin with, the defendant never bor^ 
rowed the tub. Secondly, she returned it with the hoops all on* it, and third- 
ly, tlhe plaintiff never had a tub. 

It is about S!0 witb this pet curse of oi^.rs. It wasn't good for muoh at best, 
)t dadn't stick to the people at whom it was leveil^, and the Afrioajis, upon 
Tfhose shoulders we have piled it, are n ,t C-anaanites. Our ancestors did n-ii 
believe tMs, however. They believed In this curse, with the elilldlike sitnplic- 
it7 «f a pa-wnbroker. It is very easy foa- us to believe in anything that hoU^ 



lis Tfis Kasbt IiKmn& 

ooft praax^e of ptrrson&l bc^e^t. Meii wboafi hjrre fofr gain <ataiiiOt be eatisfted 
"witih six days of labor, very geiioi-ally question tiie sanctity of the Sabbath; ftud 
we all insist that laws shall be made to fit our desires, rnlher th-in to bring 
OUT desires to fit laws. These ancestors of ours were a gi ly set They hun- 
gered after a life of no labor, and they believed, thecrefore, that the Lord directed 
Ciolumbus across the untried wastes of water tihat rolled between Spain and 
America solely that this lon^ retired and almost forgotten curse /mi;?ht be re- 
TiTed and put in foroo. It had been & failuire thus far; but as they looked out 
u^Kxn tihe new world, and saw how magnifioently tOiey oould live, if they could 
only get their labor for nothing, thdx faith in it revived. They foiuui here field 
and forest, gold and water, everything but labor. 

The emigrant miglht, it is true, hare done the labor himself, but tten this 
clherdished curse ot ours would have been still floating around the world, like 
the dove of the eminent navigator who uttered it, with iw> place to rest the 
»ole of ita foot. Besides, they did not want to do the labor. The first settlers 
of Virginda, from wiiom the chivalry of that state claim descent, never labored 
at home, and why should they here? The Betdere of CaroJina were men to 
w^hom labor was as distaateful as it has ever been to thdr descendants. The 
n^^ro waa predseHy what they wanted. The original decree was, "In the sweat 
of thy bn^w sihalt tJbou eat bread." They w^re determined that 41he decree 
i&ouM be fulfilled, but they wanted the dividing of it 

They were perfectly willing to do the eating, but they wanted the negro to 
do tihe sweating; and had he been content with tShis division of tihe decree, all 
would have been smootii to-day. 

They prayed, "Give us this day our daily bread;** but tJiey added to the 
X^etStion, "and fuinisOi us a nigger to feed it to us.*' 

Of course they believe in tihe curse. The planter on (t!h« banka of the 
James fedt -tihe oonvemience of an arrangement whiich would obviate the first 
trurso of labor, by a second curse; of having tihe sin broug'ht into the world 
through the agency of the apple, done away wLtih by anotlher sin which had its 
origin in ithe grape. 

T^ey found it a blessed thing to have a being ricih 6n musde to perform 
tbeir share of tihe penalty of the first curse, giving them wasteful summers at 
Saratoga, and ample time and means for the cultivation of the Southern Christ- 
taan graxies — gambling, horse-racing, pistod-shooting, and the like. It was a glo^ 
rioua lifa they led! Did the proud Caucasian master have an ill run of luck at 
cards? a nigger on the block made it all right the next morning. Did madam, 
his wife, mourn, and refuse to be coraf oiPted, because a thousand dollar shawl 
was mot? the matter was easily arranged. The tearing apart of a Ihusbond and 
wife, and the sale of one; the condemning of a quadroon of her own atsx. to a 
life of shame, was all that was ne :es»ary. Did they desire to entertain thdr 
friends wimptuiousily ? Why efliould they not? There was no sordid counting of 
cost, as Sit was fejither North; for were there not niggers to sweat? Virginia 
hospitality was celebrated. Veirmont hospitality might have been, had Vermont 
fostered this curse, and partaken of its benefits. It's easy enouglh to be hos- 
pttahde with a Ihundred negroes, more or less, sweating for yxm gratis. We did 
not invent reai>ens or sewing machines, for we didn't need them. Flesh and 
blood was to be bougiit in any market, and it was cbeaper than iron and vteel. 
We down South were happily cuxjumstanoed. We had (black slaves at home to 
do OUT labor, and whfirte serfs up North, just as humble, to do our rotmc. 
Nature kindly funiaahed vm a race white enongti ito vote, and low enou^ to 
be ofwned. 

Interpreting Cfti« curoe 60 iD^ude all A.frica, our pkmt fastiiers set ftbont 



Tax iSASBT LiETTfiSS. 117 

bTfeigfnf es many of i*s tnhaWtei>tg as posi^We tmder ite csperatioti*. Thejjr sent 
oijt mis-siooaries. ^iioin a ceBswious world was wicked enough to stigmatize 
as pirates and slarea^, clad in i-e.1 shirrs, with pist^yl at belt and cutlass by 
side, beajxied like pards, and full of strong,' oaths. These eraugt-lizers, fuU of 
zeal and rum, saiHed up tie rirers of Africa, and surprised villages of these ac- 
cursed people, kiiffin^ the accursed nieu and women too old to work, and the 
accursed cMldren too young to work, but sele<^^ting out carefully the able-bodied 
ones of both sexes. Packing these in tha holds of thedr vessels, Uke herriugs, 
they turned tJieir prows houieward. thr smug overboaixl from day to day, the 
boiie^ of those who had so Uttle regard for the curse of Noah as to die on tho 
way to the fulfilment taiere:>f. And so at last the curse wa.s fulfillf^d. On tho 
cotton plantations, in the rio© swamps, in the caae and tobacco fields, the sup- 
posed sons of Ham toiled on, expiatiTig the stupidity of their supposed 
fathetr, who, a great many centuries before, hadn't any more sense than to look 
in upon bis father wh«n he waa dr ink. ^ 

But just as this canvenieiit and comfortable curee got into good working or- 
der It was killed. 

Abraham l^inooln aroote It under the fifth rilb, and it died the death. 
The nation, in deadly peril, called npoo our black cousins to aid in its de- 
liverance, and it gave up the ghost. The sons of Ham, inferior as they were in 
aiU other respects, were discovered to be able to pull a trigger or push a bayo- 
net with anybody, and to the astonishmarut of those who sitood before them, 
they had the will to do it. They darel to stiand in battle army before tht* 
cMvaliy of the Soutli. We very soon accounted for the daring. 

"When Lincoln put t2M» musket in the hands of the Southern negroes. It war 
Greek against Greek, brother against brortflier. The 1 l>xi of the old cavaliers, 
whi<di gave courage and daring to the B.^uregnrds, l.ees. Masons, and Hamp- 
tons, made cavaliers also of Scipio, Pompey, and Caesa-r, their lialf-brothers; and 
why not? The Federal* turned against the Confederates twenty thousand men 
having the best Mood of the South coursing through thedr veins, and inspiring 
them to high, chivalrous deeds. 

•nien the straggle became literally fratricidal. Another thing made these 
fellows fig-ht. They had treasured up that old saying of Jefferson, and they 
rejoiced when the firing upon Snmter gave them promise of the glad day when 
it ^ould be a reaJSty. Whan they were satisfied that the nation was really 
divorced from slavery, they flew to arras to prove themselves worthy of the 
future they hoped fotr. We muat confess that they fought bravely and die<il 

grandly. 

The swart hero in *^^e death-trap at Petersburg, on the plain at Port Hud 
eoa, an.d in the enciosure at Fort Pillow, ahowed an example of her<xsm that any 
people mdght be proud o«f. 

The slave who remained oaa the plantation, who risked life to feed, nurse, 
and guide the flying fugitive from Andersonvnie, showed a devotion the like 
of whidh the wxxrld never witnessed before. We of the South were whippedr 
and by their aid. 

I do not say tihat we would not have been beaten had they not throwB 
themselves into the breach, but it was done the eo^er because of them. They 
stopped bullets at least. The bullet that let out the Hfe of the negro soldiei* 
at NashviUe, might, had he not stood in its way, made life-li«ag sadness ia. 
your home; and mainy a J»on of a Northern m'0*her who came home laurel- 
crowned, owes his life to tlie unknown black man who lie* ia an unhoxuxre^ 
rr^y^ upon the fieida from which he plucked hosier. 



^^^ The Nasby Lettees. 

These pow deJuded Oamaanites, m w« nball term tihem, beliered tSbat they 
had eiamed tiheir pranw>tion to a higher rank, ajid really expected it. 

But we know better. Down in Keatucky we beld a consultation on thig 
rery questiom. Thart; blessed saint and keen observer of .men, Dea.ion Pogram, re>. 
marked sagely, "thajt mem and women Wa^ tjhe most un^ra;tesful members of the 
human family." Said he further on this head, The sense ocf ^ratitood the Fed- 
rals feel wDl Idiiie out witih the peals of the beills wMdh celebrate the victryi 
the nig'-er aiUies helped tx) win. They endured lihe nig^e^ because they 2ieed- 
ed him; but now, thank the Lord, tihey don't need him no 
more, and, haUeloogy! he'll be the «ame cu&sed nigger he 
alluz wuz." I use the Deacon's exact words. 

He was rigOit. The wholesome prejudice against coloi* swallowed up grati 
tude, and the pride of race swaUowed justice. The negro stepped one foot upoi 
tie threshold of the Temple of liberty, but we rudely pushed Hum back. Thej^ 
>vii,nted noft only freodoim, but the elective frandhise, the ungrateful wretclie* 
not beang satisfied with what we had given them. - 

They had been provided for generously. We of the South accepted the «itua 
tk>n, and acknowledged thdr freedom, but we felt that it was necessary thai 
they be regulated. And so we decreed that tihey should not leave the plantation r 
on which they were employed without passes from their employers, under pen 
aJty of being shot on sight. ^^JL.«r— ** 

They ^ould have the right of suinjTny one-oif thedr own oolor-if tjhej 
could give white bail for costs; end here was a privllege^they were to hav* 
the unrestricted right o£ being sued th^ same as white men. They should nol 
purchase or lease real estate ouade of aiy incorporated dity oo- village; end irj 
large bodies of them were considered dangerous, they should not purchase c» 
lease real estate within any incorporated city or vilQage. As we fixed thel» 
wages at four doidars per month, they boarding tihemselvtis, these laws relating 
to (the purchase of real estate might seem unnecessairy. Bu\J we wanted to le- 
on the safe side. And we proposed to give them the ballot in time. Of oth<r 
men we required no preparation, but we felt it neeesmry of them. We only in- 
quired them to pass a creditable examiimtion in Greek, Latin, embroider;r, 
French, German, and double entry book-keeping, and to facilitate their acquiriifj 
these branches we burned all their school-houses. 

These regulations were aade In Mississippi. In my stajte of Kentucky t\ 
was not necessary to do anyihiug in the matter, for Kentucky did not rebfi 
We preserved a strict n(mtrality. That estimable piUax in the Church at tly^ 
Comers, Elder Gavitt, who haa since gone to Ms reward, remarked that "no one 
oood be m'ore nootraller than he was.** He loyally stayed at home all day, and 
bushwhacked Federal pickets all night, and after battles he robbed the dead and 
wounded of both sides impartially. For thus remaining neuti-ail we have been 
permitted to manage our niggers in our own way. 

The curse was by tliis time abandoned, but the hankering after cheap labw 
remained. We found at once a new reason for degrading the race— ii new the- 
007 for keeping them down. We discovered, just in the nick of time, that they 
were not men at all. ^Vnd this suited our friends of tihe North. They had al- 
ways objected to the theory that the negro was a man, and that he was en- 
slaved because of liis inferiority. They murmured to themselves, "If th€ 
stronger shall own the weaker, if the intellectually superior shaU hold In sla- 
very the iutellectually inferior, God help us! We might as well sele^ our mas- 
ters at once." 

When I^eo surrendered at Appomattox Court House, we felt that all wa* 
taotL We felt as grateful am men «f ©ur stamp could feei tihat our lire* were 



The Kasby LsTfCHii. 119 

niot forfeit, that yre Ihad yet out property, save and except our nig-gers. But 
t2ids feelkig -wore off . Andrew Johnson b.^came suddeaily tired of the role of 
Moses, or Kiiher he changed Ms Israeiate«. He led the astonished Afi-icans 
into the Red Sea, and left them there; and putting himself at the head of the 
Egyptian pursuers, lie pulled them out of the troubled waters they had fallen 
inato. We were not slow to 'take advantage of this changed oonditioai of affairs. 
There is a modesty in the Southern character, but it does not crop out very 
much. We began to talk of our rights; our niggers, and our system. We felt 
that all was not lost so much as dt had been. True, they were free, but had 
we not Legislatures? Congress, in its wisdom, left theim in our hands after all. 
They oouid rote by law, and by law some of us could not; but wha-t of law, so 
kmg as wa had the executing of it? We were admiitted tjo the Georgia legisla- 
ture, and we at once expelled enough of our black enemies to gdve us the oon- 
fTod of that body. Elsewihere force-nthe rifle, the pistol, the knife— gave us the 
controi we wanted, and by a liberal use of these peculiarily Southern agencies, 
the doomed sons of Canaan werei practically as fax from freedom as ever. They 
were by law ooanipeteint to vote in Louisiana, but of wihat avail to them was 
tdiat privilege so kwig as the power was in the hands of our people, who by 
tlocrce contpolied one eiectiooi, that they migfct use the power thus gained to 
lUsfnanchise them forever, and reduce them to the old status? 

It was necessary to satisfy our friends of the North that we were right 
in this matter. We had no trouble to do it. Our learned men measured their 
ftrma, legs, hands, and skulls, and finding a difference, held it was right and 
tuioiper that all pcditical rights be denied them. Smelling committers were ap- 
(KHnted, vfho disoovered that the nigger was poss&sised of an odor not percep- 
lible in the white, and forthwith that odor took the entire oonservjitive part of 
(3» people by the nose, and led them at its own sweet will. It was not as 
ivgreeable as Mght-blooming Cereus, and it was decided that therefore he ought 
not to vote. His ooior was next critically considered, and in a new light. It 
vras not like oups ; and should a man presume to exercdse the rights of freemen 
^vTioise complexion rivalled charcoal? Thedr heels protruded more than ours, and 
ifoerefore they nraat be deprived of all privileges save that of hving, and that 
•inly by sufferance. This rul3 we find to be weak in some respects. 

The fiiist objection that occurs to me to this metlhod of determining a man's 
:jaalifioations for tihe exercise of the great privilege of a freeman b 
tfae uncertainty of its application. We will suppose a white 
man to have arms, legs, and skull, of the average negro shape and meas- 
urement; does that unfit him for tfce ballot? We must admit this if these meas- 
urements are to be the test. Or, suppose, from inattention to personal cleanli- 
ness, he elhouiUJ carry with him an odor unpleasant to persons of refined sensi- 
biMes, wooild that unfit him? The adoption of (this rule would require 
boards of eleotioai to smell of each elector who offered a ballot; and that there 
might be unifiormdty in the matter, which is necessary fin a republic, the gov- 
ernment would be forced to establish a bureau of perfumery. 

Ignorance we would urge as a disqualification; but alas! we have- a most 
(ixeellaat reason for sailing dear of that. A very large per cent of those who 
oppose giving the ballot to the negroes, because of their ignorance, put a cross 
to their names when they sign a promissoiy note, and aoooanplish that simple 
feat with mifuch difficulty and running out of tongue. 

Fielding, tihe great English novelist, gave a most amusing picture of a ter- 
ror occasioaed in a anall English village on the coast, by a rumor that the 
Frendh had landed at a time when the pugnacious Gauils rwere threatening 
an iavasioea oi that oountxy. At the grated window of a debtwp's prison appears 



ibm fiftce cf « pengcci Wiio had been incaj-oeratod few nsany yeaurs for a debt whixA 
ha oauM nereai !bo5>e to pay, aoid wh/rjse imprison meoit ■was tiiesrafore like to be 
perpetual. With ain exprossion of tihe mc^t eaj^ae&t indignatuoii upoai his faded 
face, he exdaims, froan beihind the bars, "Zouuds! tre itlhe French coming to 
deprive us of our Idiberties?" 

Even so. I must admd/t thi£ut the men who tremble the most for theSr ooim- 
try, -whetn tlhey comtemplate the ignjo(rant negro possessing the ballot, are those 
iKhio cannot read, and the patriot Wbo sells his vote for a drink of rum, is the 
identSoail fellowi who talks the loudest of tSae danger of ffiviinj the ballot to a 
mass of people wthose votes can be so easily infiueaiced. 

Several ot!her reasons prevented us from making all tlbat vre hoped for out of 
tihe igmoranoe of the negroes, particularly of the South. Ddd we podnt to the 
i^opant field hand, and ask triumphantly if such as he was fit to vote? Fortihr 
with our opponesubs held up, as an offset, tiie degraded brutes of our Northern 
cities. Did we point to tihe vicious negroes? They oould and dM point to the 
roughs of New Yorit, Philadelphiia, and Baltimore. And they rather troubled 
us wiiei they asserbed that the baHot iii the hands of ignorant wMte men was 
just as dangerous as iin the hands of ignorEHit black men; that) the ballot, ignor- 
antly otr viciously oast, is what burts us, not the codor of the man wbo oasts it. 
They asserted that he wbo says "Stand off" to tbe codored man because he 
cannot read his ballot, ougbt to say * 'Stand off" to the white man equally ig- 
norant. There is no denying this. Were intelligence made tihe 'test, it would 
scarcely be worth while to open poUs in 'half the districts of New York dty, 
and one fourth of our entire strengtJh would fade out lake frost umder a Miy 
Bum. Finally we adopted as ground upon wMdh we could staiCd, the theory that 
there were many creations imstead of one; tihat Adam was not the Sinwwi pure, 
originail man; tihan; the nigger is a different bedng alfcogetlher from us — a beast, 
a sort of superior baboon; and bedng a beast, that we have tihe rigOit to own and 
WK)rk Mm, as we have the horse or ox. 

The position seemed to many of us LmpregnaMe; but It didn't Btand a 
soinute. Misoegenatioin or amalgan»atioin knocked the support out from under 
us. Up stepped a pert abolitionist, and asked, "Wiha^ will you do witii the 
Daulatto — ^he who is half man and half boast?" 

And here is a difficulty. If we comit them as IbeaistB, we do tihe man that 
is in them oa injustice. If we count them as m^eo, we piofane manliood, by 
edevatiinig wdtjh iit the lower creation. 

Ajod when sucfti a one dies, what then? Does ttie man (half, flor wSiom 
dhrist died, dafiming its miheritance in hiis bl'ood, go into the next world on an 
equollity with us, dragging with it tihe half that is beast? Or alhould there be 
even so alight a prepondorauce of beast, does the hy^brid topple over in a lop- 
rfded way into the limbo for departed amm'als, dragging with it the Ihalf that 
is man? If so, O, my Kentucky friends, how mudh of Kentucky soil and 
Kentucky spirit is tlhere in tlhajt liirsbo, held in solution by the nnimaJ sur- 
roumding's into wlhidh your gross sensuality ihas condemned it? 

That unmitigated wretch, Joe Bigler, it will be remembered, reproadbed thait 
ofld aajint, Deacon Pogram, for ^^alloping one of these near-ly white negroes 
who had tbe Pogram nose. "Deacon," said he, "how kin yoo bear to thrash 
so mudh Pogram for tihe sake of walli>p(iing so little nfigger?" Another objec- 
tion to this theory is the fact, that while treating them as beasts in the matter 
of voting, we treat them very mucn iiJte men m the maitter of tax-paying. 1 
have known mem w^o grew furious at the idea of being jostled at the polls 
by a negro, do vioflence ta the theory by standing side by side, quietly and 
wdthaot a murmur, with a rery trfack ©ne in tSie rush to pay taxai ait tlie trea»- 



Thi Nasby LxTTKaa. 121 

raw's office! And during the late tmplSasantaess, wt.at men of all oui- people 
objected to hariag the name of the blackest and mtxst offousive negro ia t!h,e 
township o(r ward writfcen justt before Ms own on the draft enrolment? That 
•was what hurt us, for during its cvjntinuanoe we heard nothing of that hatred 
«f race. The nigger of 1861, wlicji we didn't want !him, soften-od diwn won- 
dronsly into th« "colored nuaai" in 18iJ3, when we did wsldX hiin. The negro's 
fiace, black as it was, looked well tx> our fiiends of the North undeo- a blue 
cap. and he wmjs a very Apollo) in their eyes when they ^vantod their quotas 
filled. Ours was a Vhite man's goveo-nmont; but we were aiH woiuirous willing 
tihat black men should die in ooir stead. 

If I remember arigh.t, I have, in the course of these remarks, referred to ti>e 
Democracy once or twice. I caimot a void making mention of thedr competi- 
tors, the Republican party, and here ackmowleding tihe assistance it ha;S been to 
us. In 1856 that party got bold of an Idea that for many years was too large 
for it. They grasped it by the tail, and tih<>y have been trying to manage it 
from that end ever siaoe until this minute. Tliey never dared to look it in tne 
face. The crusade upon , sl«very, squareOy made years ago by Wendell Phillips, 
Lovejoy, Grarrison, G^ddiings. and th«» few terrible agitators who were bent upon 
turning the world up<sde down, which they did, was entered into by those who 
foWowed them afar off, oniy when they were compelled to. And how feeble 
their assenit! They endeavored not to pierce its center, Its weakest point, but 
to flank it. They commeaced the movement against it by declaring their willing- 
ness tihat It should continue to exi^t iu the States — that the slave-pens under 
tiie shadow of the Capitol at Washingtm, Should oontinue to sihow forth the 
beauties of n refmblitcan form of governinent, and that they themselves, free 
men, sihoiilld continue to be used as bloodihounds, with United States marshals to 
set them on, to himt down the fugitives from bondage. They made has-te to an- 
nounce in. advance their determination not to inteii-fere wirtlh it w^here it existed 
and thety never did till they were conipeiled to. They frittered away tbe first two 
years of the war before tihey were manly «noug<h to tie tihean'sedves to what they 
believed to be a truth, and permit it to drag them to victoary. Foirced by cir- 
CTimiStaneas tihey could not control, tlhey mustered up courage at last to de- 
dare the ocoly friends tihey had in the South free; but VhaJt followed? They 
sterted in affrigh;t at the spectre they radbcd. Tte Republican party was brave 
enough to face the armies of the rebellion, but irt: was not brave enough to face 
a prejudice. From the close of tIhe war up to this winter, in the very flush cxf 
the vicstoiries they bad won by the aid of the strong hanxis of theLr black allies, 
tlwy coolly betrayed tihecn. So magnanimous were itihey, so generous were 
tihey to thedr eneames, tha;t they forgot tfhefir frieoids. They gave us, (their 
ta4» masters, tIhe rigfht to d&sframcMsie them at any time. They gave South- 
era legisilatnres the power to reduce ttiem again to serfdom, and even those ia 
the Northern States wea-e denied their rigbts. How mucih ^these foolish people 
bave made by their molfion, how much they have of sofeity, how much of the 
rights tlh^y have earned, how much they have of cdtizensihip, let Memphis, New 
Oiieans, and the Georgia legislature answ€T. The Bepublicaa 
party lacked the courage, and we knew it would, to 
follow to its logical conclusion the idea upon which ift was based. Too many 
of its membera shuddered at the Nigger as soon as the Nigger was of no use 
to thetnti. And there is reason for this. It is a soothing thought to too many 
mem that there is somebody lower down in itihe scale of humanity than theitt- 
•elves. Sudh men have an unoontrollablo desire to look down upon eoonebody, 
and henice thedx desire to keep the negro down, as that Ss the only port5an oi 
fftw i9u» taxey can, with any show of truth, cflaim to be abor^ And feeling tbs 



122 ThB IJ^ASJJY LjBTTKEfi. 

daDgieo* cxf Siis risiimg aibore tlhom if let aJon©, tSiey seek to* ktH?p imin dawn bj 
piling upon Ms head tihe dead wedgiit of unfriendly legisilaitioai. It 5i3 a pliil(> 
sopJhiical tTJith liLiis. The more despi**abl6 the maoi, the miore aaixi'ouS' He is ta 
have it undersitJOiod that somwbodj i= lower still. The miost ai-deiit defenders of 
slavery edgiht yeeups ag"o were those who hadn't a particle of inteo-est in it — 
thcHse who, if negroes had been SjHiug at five cents apdece, could >nio'fc have 
raji=ed miomey emough to hare purchased the paiing of one's fingea* nail; and to- 
day tihofse most biltbeirly opposed to Nigger suffnigv} are th'ose whose sto'lid ig- 
norance and inwTooight brutality msalceri «ny attempt at further d«gTeda;tiioii 
a hopeless task. They con be goit lower — by digging a holei. 

How shall we dispose of the negro? He was ever a disturbing elemeint 
in American politUcs, and ever will be so long as left in tlhe position he haa 
occupied. The curse theory 5s worlldess, and the beasit theory leaks like a 
siev©. If there ever '^-as anything in the curse it has aU faded out, and if he 
is no* a man, he is a most excellenit imitation. We have abaiiidoned the Nas 
byan tiheory, and have fallen back upon JeffesrsiDn. Now that the govemmenil 
is in a transition state, now tfia-t we can mtike of it what we will, suppose thai 
we rebuild upon a safe and sure foundation. iSuppose we ovei 
haul the ilawa of the country, and strike the word "white,' 
leaving standing alone tlhe all-sufficdent woa-d man. We are trying nou 
the expeaimemt of being a genuine repubhc. Suppose that there may be v^t 
knger a dispute upon this htnad, that wo ingist upon incorporating into the ColP^ 
stitutioin— ^e supreme law of the land — the Jeffei'soniian declaration, that alJ 
n.'on are equal. I want, and insist upon it, tfhat the Dedlaration of IndepeiR- 
dejioe shall be no longer a "glittering generality," las tiiat meanesit of 
aU mean things God ever created, a Massa^dhusetta pro-^slaveay man, once said, 
but a living, robust truth, possessed of as naudh vitality as any other trutlh Which 
has blessed the world. 

What stands in the way? Prejudicel Only this, and nothing more, and 
that may be overoome. New England did it, and New York, years ago, took 
one stioip in that directnion. In New Yoirk, the negiro who owns a mide wortJi 
tAvo hundrad and fifty dollars, votes, no majtter what his other qualifications 
may be, while he who lacks that, do«s nio(t, no matter how well he is fitted 
for the exercisie of the right in other respects. TIlLs is not well, but it is some- 
thing. By this rule the mule votes, not the m<an; and the late ediection in thai 
state shows the mules to have been largely in the majoa-ity. 

Until this principle is adopted our republic is no repubKc, and our boasted 
freedom is a hollow sham. We must have no more of tMs inequality. We 
must have all men before the law equal. We must not leave the rights of a 
single citizen In tlie hands of timid legislatures, interested oligarchies, and ex- 
sla^-xiholders. The rfights of the negro musit be secured by law, above the 
reach of ex-slaveholdei's; men who, to five a life of luxurious idleness, would 
garrote the Goddess of liberty for the white robes she wears. We must no: 
only make himl free in name, but in reality, and must give him that potent 
weapon, the bafllot, that he may maintain and defend hSs freedom. I waiit all 
distinctions based upon color wiped out in all the states. I want all tlie roots 
of this bitterness eradicated. I want the great priucdple upon which a repuDli*- 
rihiould be founded in<joirporated into the Constitution. If, niow that it caji bo 
done, we do less than this, we are cowards and faitMess men. 

I want ta~.€fen to have all the privileges enjoyed by other classies. "Do you 
want m'ggers in office?" shuddoringV asks the member of Congi^^es, who aei's 
in his mind's eye one sdtting beside him. I am^wor, "Certainly, if the peo|.i • 
desire it, no* otibeittwlse;" and t^iey ar.e a pajt of the people. I have uo par 



Th« NaSBT LiTTXBJL 123 

ticuJar <xn in t!h« roattter; I only in^st HhiaX ihej sliafll be eiig!Jbl«. < Wlietkeir 
they are elected to official positfoai or not, is sometlhing tihM is eaedrely within 
yoTir cxmitrol. If yooi return a man a horse tlhat is his, it dioea not follow that 
you must giye him also sdlrer-plated harness and a carriage. If you pay a debt, 
it doefe not fallow tfhat you must likewise mEury Into the family of your cred- 
itor. You have hx tMts cdty an overwhelming miajoa-irty of wlhites — it is for you 
to chiooee. Wlhere they have a majority, I presiume they wil do as we hare 
dome — d[ect men cxf their own race; and I should advisie tihem to. But there 
is no law to compel yon to elect black men or me^n of any othea- color, to 
official position. You have a right to vote for wbom yon please. I am not cei^ 
tain but tihat the g'ood of the public would be subserved by substituting some 
negroes I know of for some white officials. For instance, were I a citizen of 
New York, I would moist gladly exchange John Morrisey for Frederiick Doug 
lass, and rather than spoil the trade, I would throw in Fernando Wood anfl 
h5is brother Ben, and esteem the barga'u a nfocat excellent one at that. But oui 
conservative friends do not see it. "My God!" said one of them, with horroi 
in his ooatenance, "think of my bedn tried afore a nigger jury for hoss-stealin!*' 
T!he people elect, or ought to elect, m^en to office to serve them. If yoi- 
dear© whitewashing done, do you look at the color of the ai-tist to whom yov 
intrust the puiifring of your walls and ceilings? No; you select the man wha 
has t3i« aniost skill. Wliy not so in official posiitions? If you have among you 
negroes wiho have ability superior to the whites, if you hare those who can 
better fill the offices, you as tax -pay erg, do yourselves gross injusrice by not 
electing them. It does not follow tliat you must therefore take them to youi' 
bosoms as social equals. You have, under the Constitution of the United 
States, the blessed privilega of choosing your own associations. We do not car<; 
to associate with all w'hite men, but all white men rote nevertheless. 

I would not m.ake them superior to the white. I would do nothing mor^:. 
for them than I would for other men. But I would not prevent them from doinj; 
for themselves. I would tear down all bars to their advancement. I woulu 
let tbem imake of themselves all that they may. In a republic there should b(, 
no avenue to honor ox well-doing closed to any man. If they outstrip me it, 
the mce, it proves them to be more worthy, and they are cleanly entifchvl to th.j 
advantages resulting. There is no reason for this inequality. Knowing hov 
deep the prejudice is again.st the race, knowing how low down in our very 
natures its roots have stnick, I demand, in our renewed ard purified republic, 
the abi-ogation of all laws di^wriminating against them. I demand foit them ful! 
equality wLtli us before the law. Come what may, let it lead to what it wiU, 
this demand I make. I make it as a \i orshipper of true Demociucy; as one who 
b(4ieves in the divine right of man— not w*hite man, red man, or black man. 
but man, to self-govea-nment. I make it as one wbo will be free himseilf; and 
that he may be free himself, would hnvo aU others free. I demand it, not as 
a gracious gift to the colored man of something we might, if expedient, with- 
hold, not as a right he has earned by service done, but humbly, and with sh;ime 
fo my face at the wrong wa have done, I would give it to him as retnrning a 
right that was always his; a right to which he has a patent from God Al- 
mighty; a right that we had taken from him by brute force, .and the taking of 
which by us was almost the impardounble sin. I demand it, for until it is don;- 
our bo-iSted freedom is a sham, and our pretence of republicanism a mJsera1;b> 
lie. I dem'ond it, for I would have no privileged classes in this govemmL-jit, for 
fear that some day my children may by force be deprived of the rights I en- 
joy by a class arrogating to themselves supciiorlty. I den^nd it, because T 
Miere ^orermneaits were instituted on earfch for the protectkai of the weak 



124 Taj£ JSASsif LsTTSLsa. 

afsiast; the strong, and tliat in a repiibH-o th& baJlot. fe tihe -^veak mo.n'^a omly pr<v 
tectfiom. I deroaiud it, bec-ause we caniiat alford to gWe the lie "to our y)i"ofer;- 
sions; because we caiui'Qt afford to say to tlie world one thing aaid d> aaother. 

What shall we do witli tlie uegro? Do by blm what enligbtentd Christian- 
ity ooamnandiS uis to do 1x> all. Let us sqimre our {"ction in tiiiij, as in all 
other matters, by that sublime precept, "Do umtx) oithers aS ye would have 
others do unto you." 

Casting behind us, as unwortlhy of a moniio<nt's serious constderaitiooi, 
the mi'serabUe sopbistries of tbe false teiiebers who hiave well nigh ruined the 
republic, lest us dare to do right. Let ua declare and crys- 
talize our declaration into unchangeable laws, that under the 
flag an onein dhall be men. Let us build an altar, the foundati'oai of wthidh shall 
be reason, the topsibone Justioe, and laying theron our prejudices, let (them be 
consuimed id tihe steady, pure flajaie of IIiiiminjLty. The smeU of that sacrifice 
will be a sweeter saror toi the Father of all races than any since Abed's, Let 
us raise ourselTes fi-K>m the low, dead, flat pliuie of self-interest, and demonstrate 
OUT cstrength, not by trampling upon the defenceless heads of tlhose weaker and 
lower 'tihaa ourseh"es, but by lifting th&m up to us. And then, when the flag 
has under its shadow 'onily free men, wheai all men are reoogoized as men, W6 
can look the world in the face, and reptjaifc without a blush tlta.t grand odd 
Declaration, Ijhat Magna Charta of humoji rights, ihaJt Evangel oi Humanity: 
"We hold these (tmiths to be self-evident, thait all men are created equal; that 
Hhi&y QTQ endowed by tlheir Creator with certain inaliieaiable nighits; tlhajt ajDK>iii^ 
these are life, liberty, amd the pursuit of Imppinesa." 



NASBY AS A BAMER. 



THE CORNERS DECIDE FOE INFLATION--THE UNLIMITED 
TEUST AND CONFIDENCE COMPANY. 



Oonfedi€t X ICoada, 
(-wicb la in tfie anaite ut Kenftueky,) 

Sep»t. 2Sd, 1875. 

T^e Oomere her red €he apeedhes ut Bonoat Ole BUi Ailen and Chart oftJier 
gfl€fiess patriolt, Greoieral Sa/iDrr-(K>el Gary, uv Ohio, ez well ez itlhe Peuosylvany 
pJatfonin, on tt!he m»jimenolius siibjick uv More 'Money, 'till they (hev Tlxn wKwked 
Txp to a ata^te uv absloot madnis. T!he Corners are jisft tflie aaime ez ^dl ociier 
imipooooniius peoiple — tihey want More Money, and ttlhe idee ut HKme^t Bill] Alien, 
tihait, ftx) g^ iit, all yoo hed to do vtmz to i shoo it, fiUled our idees ut fimanse e^g- 
sacldy. It's ^Jmple and ezily underiatood. 

I determined to puit the idee .nsto practice, and too ^tihajt end seje^ed ffio my 
friends dhe organizasiien uv a Bank uv ishoo, undeo* tiie name and tiitle uv 
"Tbe Onil'imited Trufiit and Confidence Coirupany uv Ciomfeditt X R<3>iuls." 

I ihed some trouble to git the citLzens in(tx) it, biuL 1 finally succeeded. I ei- 
pfeaaned t»o the people thait more money wood be an advamtiag-e itJo tlhe debtor class, 
wjoh, ez • nine-<ten<t!hs uv em is in debt to Bascooi, tihe grosery keeper, seatled 
eon. They hailed witih joy any movement thiait wood wipa ouit fChedr scores and 
give eon new credit art his bar. 

To Bascom, and tiiem ez I intended to hev in t!he naan>agemen(t, I efliiOfwed 
ttinit snore money meanjt increased trade, and ez itha imsoney w«>xien4 oo^ any- 
tftiing but ifhe prinidn we ooodent lose anybhing. So tihe Baaik wuz acarted. 1 
wuz made Presudent, Issaker Gravi-ot, Ca^Ler; .Ba^eom^ Vice-Presidenit; wMi a 
Board uv Directors csonsisttln o(f ourselves, witih Kernel McPelter, and rfhe ven- 
erable Deekin Pogran. We put the Deekin on becoz he is bald-headed, and 
therefore ressp eatable. His biznis is to sit in die front 'wundo-w Teedin aa iu- 
flaelien paper. It _nsplres confidence. Yoo Siave to woitch ttm to keep (him froon 
hevin tohe paper ups-ide down, bujt in this comim unity that do-n'/t majtrter, ez very 
few ka<xw the difference more'n bo does. Our bankin room is lokaud imme- 
jditly under tiie primin-offis, so we kin let t(he pnnted moites wihich we isJioo 
down to tlhe President's desk by a rope. This eaves liibor, wicfti is la greo/t 
pdnit in a instooshen like ours. 

The t^heory on wlch our iKiper is ishoiod is very sdmpde. The Company 
ifihoo ilt ajid tie people take it. We hev no tjae fixed tor redeim^pahun, flor the 
beauty ut tSie bizni^ is <tiha/t we don't never ioioeiad to redeecm. Our ntottee 
reed*;— 
1» 



1^ Thi HAfiXT LxiT£B& 

ISxe OalimSted Truat and OcKufidiLace Coanpfaaiy uy Oonifedrk X Itoads (ividi 

la in (tflie StJalta ut Keniucky) promdseap to pay tlhe bearer One DoDiar." 

We don'*t say when, where, or how 8t is <t)o be redeemed, and tihefrein is 
tJhe E5ta^ng»tih uv the errterprise. 

Our fLmfe isQi-oo wiiz reseeved with some hesltai^en. 

"Wihere is our secoorl'ty?" demanded one farmer to wtooaai we offered it in 
payment for a k)ad uv wheat. 

"Faitlh in the Oom-pany!" I ansered, lotakon ait him pLtyinly. "Gaze onto 
t4iia;t faee," I resooned, piuttin at Deekin Pogram, wthjo nitiher aipdled the effeck 
by bnisfhin off a fly th'Oit bed Lted cu 4iig nose; "Look art "tiha/t face und then 
ask for eeoooni'ty." 

"When La itt to be redeemed?'*' askt anoitiher. 

"It never wants to be redeemed," wuz my onser. "We ehei be Obnai, and 
YTihen a noite wears out we wUl give yoo onjather. W^ait do you waat it re- 
deemed fur? Money ishood on failh Leeds no redem/pshun. We buy yoor pro- 
doose vrfitihi It— you yoose it to buy yoor goods, and so it gK>es round and round 
In a cirkle, dt.spensin blesscns -wherever it IStes. Ez long ez you take it,watdo 
,roo wan$t uv anyithing else?" 

AnxDitiher remarkit that it vvuz bis idee that paper mxwiey wuz adl to be re* 
((eemed in g\oId. 

"Gold,** I promptly replied, "is played out. Gofld is mepdhandjse. Our 
j[)eanocnaitic bretihireai fin Chio ihev desdded "(Jhart money iis simipily proanises t» 
pay, and tbtsdt ilt don'^ matter on wat material that pi'oimdse is sOaanipt — <wh€ither 
eodd, eilveo*, tron, eQiells, or co'pper. We &hel put oum on paper, coz it's the 
cheapest. We aheJ hev no extravagance about 'this bank." 

PoUloek, the IlL.noy disturber, in the miOsit bnocrtal anianner, refoozed too tecih 
Bt, and ckraseikenfcly his bizuis snffei-ed. One sfcoemiaker from OMo Mloiwed 
BOOit and undeTrtxx>k to argoo agin so much amoney. He asserted ^ithe heresy <thajt 
iiddin to the vo(lum uv curreoicy didn't add nioithin (to i)ts pwver. Sed he: 

"I will illustrate so thB Oornere will comiprefliemi. Yoo take a gadlion uv 
Tvihiskey and add to it three gaLona uv (W^ter. Wedl, yK>o Qiev four gadlonia 
in itihe bari, but there aLn't but wun gallon uv squiare drunk in lit, atfiten all," 

I ansered (hliim by readin oopious extrax from Gary's sspeedhes, shiowin tha4 
T«x>o prosperity goes hand in hand with plenty uv m'oney. 

They finelly wuz convinst and took our mtonoy for 'tJhedr gradn, tibo we hed 
to play them ait the begindn tjwenty cents a bu^el m»ore fior this wiheat than 
otiher tmoney wood hev got it for. But we d_dn'it ciare, fotr we knf*w we oood 
make adl uv it we rwanted. 

It wuz astoni^in wajt a era uv prosperiity set in on tthe Ooimers tX) wunst. 
Money beoaime ez pienty ez btackberrtes, and everybody hed itiheir pockets full 
uv it. liand went up in valyoo two hundred per cent, in a week, and the pnlce 
uv the nasisianes uv life raised ekally. Ba^scom put uip has new whiskey from 
5 t» 25 cen'ts per dpjik, and sich wuz the run uv ftrad^ he (hed >thajt his Wife 
and his oldest son, Jefferson Davis Blasooon, botih hed 4jo stand 5n ftjhe (bar to 
wait on custooner*. The bank bougftit all the wheat acd other pnodukshuns, 
and paid for 'eon in its o^wn money, and we paid sidh prices ez hajppened, for 
mioney wuz wJth ua no ohjeek. The hi^ pnices 'brot ajli fphe tmde fotr <twenty 
miles around to the Oomers, and all the dealers w^o wood take the (money, 
ebood up to (therj 'middles in. it. 

Then my turn come. Pinitfin to the crowds uv peqpLe 'm Blaaaoan'*, I eed 
to tlie doubter; 

*'Wuz trade ez brisk e» >thait afore inilaishun?" 

Improvemenftj ore beta, ptojeoted every day. We bev ocgnrnzed «i ooaDpaay 



l*Hi Nasby LETTiiia. 127 

i» buHd a biUBtcb> road froazi bere to Se cessionriUe, aii<ytii«T vrer to BIboody 
PVm^ end »till anodier to Ldttle Ajidepsonville. Five ftunQipike cooivpaaiea her 
bji offiganfized, and tfcree fiaatriee tiev bin aatocxally aoimimeii'ced. Tihe waiter 
poweiy an iSke Run ji&t above tfae vMlage is to be dmproved to "wrmst, and Bas- 
ooan is al^eddi7^at work on a wing to tihe ba>ck pant of the grocery. Tcwn lots 
are dmiiblin in TaJyoo every day, audi nevir laddl^uns are bein pertpetyooauly laid 
out. Bveiybody is spekedatin, and everybody is geibtlin r-cih. There is flufih 
timea bere. The people are all inflasihaonastts. 

I a/m President uy all tihese coimpanies, and I see no reason wihy I can't .pust 
fan tliroaigih. lit is troo tIhe price ocf ev eryiUhing Jiez gfone up. The eoan'mioneet 
iviggrer labor is now up to $8 a day, and a pair uv pegged boots is iwibtih $20, 
hn/t wa/t difference does tihat make? So long ez Sjnpklixis, the printer, Mn 
fvork i^ p-ress, "we kin mtanuiackter all the money we iwanit; and ez lon^ ez 
ire kin manutflaicfcter money, there must Ibe prosperity. 

IV)dILock and Joe Blgler we hed to gi t red uv, for they, wuz prejoodlissen the 
people agin im. PoQLock's srtxx'k uv goods, anxl his stlore wuz wuith, in ithe oCd 
ilimtes, before 4he era uv inflaslhun, a^bout a libousanxi doliars, and Bosoom and 
>©e Bind Deekin Pogram went to hdm and offered (him thait susm for dids property. 
•"Kuigs (hez raised," eed be, "and I wonlt sell for less tOian $2,500." 
"Wie (prompitly accepted ithoit price, and I sentt a ^boy 'back tjo (the ibank with 
A bufibei basket to bring tbe money. When iit oame PoUock refoosed to 
t&ke jt. 

**I vmxt greenibax," wed he. 
**OuT (xaoney is jeet ez good," sez I. 

*•! know it,*' sez he, "but I hev a prej^ood^ dEkw other cntonesy.** 
There rwuz a crowd abou/t, and it wood never do to ackniowledge that any 
nDkxney ^wtiz bettJfeer'n ours. I (took Base am one side. 

"G". W.,** sea I, "here is a golden oppontunity (to do two things. Firs>t we 
Vit rfid UT a disturber, and second we give confidence in our iahoos. Rake up 
iireenibax and pay ham -jn em." 

G. W. consenlted, and it wuz dicine in Che presence uv tlhe i>eople. 
'*Yioo see," sed I, "my friends, that we'd jesft as soon piay greenbai ez 
<ur own money." 

The crowd -wuz re-<a's(hoored and took our bits ez readlily ez ever. Pollock 
imd Bigler gave up <tihe property, but they didn't leave the village. On the 
lOntrary, tihcy rwen't <to tbe tavern to board a«id jeered a^t us wuss than ever, 
rhey sed tihey hed made more money by this tramBajckslhea tihan they hed ever ' 
iiiade in tihe Cbmers since they hed landed ithesre. 

Deekfin Pograan, Oapt. ;M!cPelter and Issaker G^vitt hev al paid off mort- 
gtajgee on (thedr iflarms, and I hev bot a farm and euai gettin up plans for a 
mansihun befilttin mjy new pos.4ion. I am happy and ooontenlted. I hev struck 
my gait. Bajiik Prealden'tsin eooits me — I wnz born for it. Bf I wuz relijusly 
indined I ehood pray for Willynim Allen unljii I biad corns on boitSi knees, 

PETTROTiBUM V. NASBY. 
President of tihe Onln mated Tnist and Oonfidence Company. 

P. S. — Tbere's a triflin, buJt still em bQin-aiin, tiouible okkurred. The on- 
pireoedeiAed ran on Basoom in ooneeke rnce uv the plentif uJness uv money ex- 
hao^ed his stock uv likkers yesterday^ and he sent to Looisville for more. 
The likker meaxshamts uv that mersenary city, ez a mere ma titer uv form, gen- 
vraily require Baeccraa to pay for goods afore itihey sbip em, to avoid nxstakes. 
He Beast on a tiiousand dollars uv our money, and they ref oozed to take il' 
d V« jpadd aU t2ie greenbax he hed to Pollock, he cant get rapplies, and 



12B I^'he Kasby LKttKiui. 

the Oam-esra is pa,rcdi€d. Wait fco *> we doa't kmaw. Wo don^t eee ythf •urii 
mo.ney sboHxle'nit go _n LooisTnKe. ] 

It will (take two weeks to ship enongth girain to Loiiiisyille tx) exchaTLffe for 
'tflie likker, and "then couigs ano^er terrible qiuondaay. Ba^ocm deroiands tihe 
gnaiai uv (fihe JBank and wants to pay for it to (the Baiik'te i^ooe! And (he in- 
^'ts on (herin St at wat its wu'th 'n Loodsville in greenibax! Funanseerin aimt 
ft(h© easier bizms in the wwld. Oar money srtartfid well enuff an fche cirkle, 
d>uit Itihere iseemis to be a break un it. Bf we let Basoom hev tha(t grain and 
take our Ofwn mioney for it, were is our prafilts? E3f we don't let himi hev the 
igmain tlhe Cbmers wiM die uv drouth! And eif <he gilfcs k our money must be 
•Caken fior iit, for i.t's a'll he's got. I cood cut the Gwjen knot by failin, bujt 
ttien tflie wfheart: •wo'od be attached. I sheill hoM Km and see wat a week wili 
brinig ifiorth. Provadeiioe never deserted me yli. 

P. V. N. 

THE FUETHER PEOGEESS OP THE UNLIMITED TEUST 
AND CONFIDENCE CO.— ITS CONTINUED SUCCESS. 

Oonfedrd(t X Roads, 
(wioh ill in the Stiaite of Kentucky,) 

Seip<t. 3(\ 1875. 

Bf life ever wnz a rose tinted dream to me at any time doorin my miortle 
pfijgrinaaige, HMs is tihe precise time. I am tlhoTialy haippy — so hapipy, indeed that 
tihe pDivashens and troubles that I hev been thiraare fadLin out uv my memory 
©n'tiirelly. I hev paid Bascoan's account widi hez bin runnin for so many 
yeians, and (hev hia reoeert: in my safe— my safe, I say. Proudly I write tlh&m 
words. My safe! Wlhx)— thirty days ag-o wK)'od hev suipiptosed, tha-t I should 
evetr say my laafe! Tlhen I hev two soots uv ciioze — ^good onee — wLoh is one and 
* Ihalf more (tlhan I hev hed sence I wajs Posfbmasiter under Johnson — Heaven 
rest Ms sole — ^I hev twy> shdrts for the firat time in my 'Sife, and I am wearln 
^^ocfMus! I bev but one pare ez yet, btft one can't rdse to the sumonit uv 
hloomian grandjer at wun bound. I shel buy anoither pare in a week or two. 
i think ©very Bank Preaddenrt; oug-ht to efther hev two pare uv sitockiinis or 
■return to the sftetm vircihoos uv the Ref)Ujblio in i'ta better diays, and g-o bare- 
foKJit. Godn barefoit or hev.n a change, is necesssary to the keepin uv a Bank 
President's oflBoe in a sweet amellin comDtion. 

Bult this a disgresiien. Suffice it to »ay, I am doitlhed. I pade three dol- 
.laips and a 'half a pare for them fto<'kinfi— <Jhey Is oo^tifton— '•wiLcth Ls three dollars 
And a quartefT more than they wuz worth in the old mjoney, but what difference 
does dit make? Tfhat three doKars and a half wuz made by four pulls on 
SiTOpoon'is prantun press, and when money kin be made in that way wat differ- 
ckiice does i^ make wat I pay for r-otton sox? 

At the beginning we isihooed lOt 20, 25 and 50 cent currency, but we hev 
quit that. Prices hev gone up so, under the general prosperity, that there 
aint anyithng in the Comers <hat sells for le®s than a doillar, and the frack- 
dhsn^ currency wuz desided to be yoos^is. Besadea, i^t costs jesit ez m'lch to 
prinit a ten cent note ez it does a dollar, and we bleeve in economizln. 

Sim-pson, the printer, hi makin us a !illtle troubae. At the beginn n I ycr«ed 
to pay Mm. (for printin our bills by jest sagnin enuff uv em ez they cojie from 
the prees to make his ajuount, but lately he hez refoosted to take our money, 
•fed in^s/ts on greenbax. We tried to overawe him, but when he threaitened to 
jw/bliMi the finansihel condishun uv the President and D.rekftor^ iit wua oon- 
rfdered advisable to iMsmof him. It i« eingleo* tib^t sicih mem tiuicxw usj^edi- 
x»eoib» kk tbe mj wr prmprf 



The JNasbt Lettees. 129 

The olbatsbdes In the way uv the Bank tli'ait hev tlius far developed t3iem- 
scCves, hev btn happily aud easily rem-ov'ed. Bas^'om deioaiided TVheiat uv ue 
•to ^hdp to LoKjisville to git more whisk «y, and we hed to let hiim hev it, and 
take play in oair own money. Aud ez be demiandod thait we bake our own 
mioaiey jet^t .tSie same ez greenbax, that bein Che sitdJidlard in Looisville, we mot 
a liieaYy doss. TIhe ac(3oun't aPauds ez follows: 

1,000 bii^els uv wheat ooat us in our own money, at $4.50 per 

^^^^^ $4,500.00 

Sold it to Basoom at Ivooisvile greenbax prices, wioh i« $1 per 

buisihel, takin pay in the same money 've hed pa^d for it 1,000.00 

Loss (widh is easQy figgered) $3,500.00 

We hed one miore troujble, widh we got on easier wtiitih. Pugsby, ithe s(hoe- 
maber, who took our mioney, run out uv leaOher, and when he senit (to Loouis- 
ville f.OT more, fihe merohauits there, ez in the case uv Basoom, ref oozed to 
lake our currency. Pugisiby kno<wd uv Bascom's esp'esnienoe and he came uip 
iiniiMn 430 (hev us sell him whee;t euuff at greeabax piixies to renjoo his stock. 

''Wa/t kin we do?" I domanded ji dire dii^tress, for realjy I dddn't see w^y 
iPug^by sihooden(t hev wheat to renoo his stock ez well ez Ba-soom, cepMn (bhait 
v^kisbey is xmore necets'sai'y to the Comers than leaitlher. 

**I>o!" sed leaker G*aviitit, with a expresdiun uv skiom on (his dajssick feedh- 
ers. "I>o! and yoo claim to be finanaeea-s! Hez Pugsiby a safe? No? Well 
w(her dbea he keep the $12,000 uv our mooiey? In his desk? Yes?* Ajid 
tfliat is wooden? And his bldin is wood? Veay goiod. Tell Pugsby io come 
tjo^orrer aud we will give him wiheait at a dollar a buahel for aU uv our money 
he (hez goft. We hev <t)wen,ty-four houre, and ibauks, ez well as raasihen^ kin 
be saved in twenty -four h'ouris." 

And Issakea- put some malt ones in his ve^ poKiik^t— abourt: $3 wonth. 
Mabdhea hez gone up $4.50 a box— -our money. 

Tha.t niite Pug-^foy's shop burnt up and t^he fire broke out jist under his 
desk. Tlhe next mornin that unforahnit man oame to us and ins^ted on hevin 
tihe wQieait on tihe score uv tJhe money he hed uv ours. 

"Bring u» dhe money," said Issaker, boaimui sweettily onito him, "and we'll 
gdve yoo ail the wheat you want." 

"iiujt yoo knoiw that I hed yoor money, and -that it wuz burnt uj) lost nfite " 

*1 persoom yoTi hed some uv our money, but I donlt know it," re(pli^ 
lasakeir. *'No weM reguLaited bank kin live if t!hey sihwod take every man's 
word, ez you want us to. Horw kin I teK but wiast yoo hev tBiat money con- 
cealed, and t)hat the bumin o-f your shop waa a akeem to deifrod yoor c«redlito<rs ? 
I am not sihooT that .t isn't my dooty to investigate t4ie matteir." 

And Issa-ker looked so stem that Pugsby letflt the bank wMi a howl at 
terror. 

issaker ia developdn go great a genu us in finanioeerin tlhat I'm redy jealus 
uv him. He is the master-s-pent of the in^ifcoof^hun. 

At tihe Board meetin last nite we discu^t wat we ^ood do ji eidh cases ez 
Pugsby's hereafter, but arrived a/t. no defindt concioosihun. Thero is severaJ uv 
em, and they w:il hev to be met. Issaker bleeves in the style uv treatoienlt 
he yoosed in Pugs-by's case, but I can't consent to it. lits heroic, I admit 
and good enuff for a tem-praiy expedient, but it won't do for a reglar system' 
Bf (mx money ^timoolates a man's biznis to ^e pint of his bJdin a new house' 
we (hev benefitted Man, and the commoonnty ez weU. But ef to avoid the hi^ 
wmveienoe uv redeemin tfliat money we hev to burn tlhe hooise, wa<t good her 
w^ aecxnniili^ed? N^ooe. We bev got to fimd some otiher wa-7. I d^'t see ao^ 



13t The Nasbt Lettebu^ . > 

o*her way, buit no doubt Vt will sejest Iteeftf to me in time. 

It is asbaiLefcin how tJhe Corners Is bocwnin, now iSa&ft 'A bez money wmff. 
FLve new relerodes are bedn buiM, twen ty new turnipikes, cxne humdTed a^d 
twe«n/ty-eigh<t eeilers for new houses is bein duig, and last week the cornerHstuna 
for eigihit factrys wiiz lade wi<tih appro prit ceremonies.TIhe gradin is bam dun 
on" the ralei-odes and turnpikes, and that part uv Che wo<rk wdll be pusihed to 
an eariy coim'ptleshun, for the ^al rears furmsh Chedr own shovels and ptckis and 
take our mioney for wtag-es. The labrers buy thetr linn uv the faTm-ers alonjg 
tlhe line wjth that money, and then tihe farmers come to the Ooraers with it, 
and eiheer tbe-r soles ait Bascom's. 

So far, all is serene and sweet. &o far tJhe money siheds ble^sins ez a 
skunk does perfoonn. But at this pint comes worry. Walt is Ba'soom to die 
witih it? Tlhe Loodsvalle merchants refooz to teoh it for likker, and w^e can't 
afford to give him wheat at Looisville prces agin. We wood bild a distiKery, 
buit, alas! we cant pay fo<r the nails, the glasis and Che S'OiKin apparatus ia 
our money, and we ain*^ got any other. Burt:, dbanks to an overuKn Provi- 
dence, Btiscom hez enuff likker to last bwo -weeks, and sutfliin widl turn trfr 
afore 'that is gone. 

Prices hev gone up go tihart it takes a vas»t volume uv currency to transsao* 
tfhe bdzTiis uv tihe Oomens. Simpson's hand-press won't anser the deimands mad* 
onito! it, and he hez purchased a power- press, wioh will pi'iut 1,000 sihects ain 
hour. And to faciliitate b-zuis, and to make it perfeotly sihoor t(ha(t we sb^etW 
hev all the currency we want, I hev hed my n<ame and Issaker's engraved, 
so that it kin be printed in, thus saving us tihe tromble uv signin e»m wiltBi •» 
pen. 

Prices uv tibings is still mountin up, and genei>al prosiperllty prevail*, 
Pug®by g^.tis $40 a pare now for pegged boo»t3 a greu't deal eazieo* that Jb-« 
yoQist to giit $4, and Basoom hez put drinks up to 50 cents for ne»w whiske;, 
and 75 when you take sugar in it. Lots in the co'ii)'orasihun hez quadroop>t| 
in valyoo wftftim the week, and reel estate is ohangln hands liveiy. I cocrf 
w,^h, however, 'fhat the ishoos uv tbe Onlimiited Trust and Ck)nfidence Ooi» 
pany oood hev a wider cdreulashen. I took a brief vacas^hun this week, ww« 
at (the GMauiber Salt S<pring^, and wuz beaten out uv $200 at cut-^thii-oat low 
The gamblers ref oozed to take my money, and I was comipelled Co leave mr 
watdh with em; tha«t is, Captain McPetter's watoth, wich I bed borrowejJt, 
to miake an iaufposin appearance. But it wuz all tihe same to me, ez I paW 
hiLm for jt fin our own currency. I wuz sorry to lose it, for I had dependeU 
on fhait wartcih to help us ourt when we got initqi a very tite place. 

PETROLEU'M V. NASBY, 
President uv tlhe OnMmilted Trust and Confidence Coonpany. 

P« S. — Another trouble is loorodn up on tlhe borizon. Perkins, the blacL- 
smrltb, is Out uv iron, and Slampseil, the cai-penster, hez to hev a jack-plain an^ 
two augers, all uv wicdi hez to be got In Dooisnlle, and tihey demand uv us 
siah money ez Looisville will take. Then auioiUher mortifyin drcumsithuce <h'a.\f- 
pened yesterday. T^e Direoters uv bhe Bank hed determined to lay the oom(w 
irtun uv our new bankin edfifis, wich we hev com'menst, but after anuounsdn 
tflie cereraony we coodent lay .t. A bigger rope tihan any in the OoTners, wuz 
nessary io lift the massive stun to its place, (we hed it massive ez an emblem 
uv onr solidity.) but we ooodent rake up enuff currency that they'd take in 
liooisviUe to buy one. Sto that corner stun ain'lt laid, and tihe work <m 'ttoe 
buildin, I spose, wfll hev to »top til we idn turn up »uthin. Thecr's a cdsft* 
approacihin. P. y. N. 



THE PEOGEESS OF INFLATION— THE TEOUBLE THAT 

PEEK INS STAETED^THE PEESENT STATUS 

OF THE GEEAT IDEA. 



f 



Oonfedrit X Roadis, 
(wicih ifi in t!h© State uv Keoi/tucky,) 

Oat. 5, 1875. 

I hev hed trouble enuff wifh the uae^liteBed people uv these Comers, for 
tihe past week, to neady dnve me mad. Indeed,! 6.hood hev bin in a loonatte asy- 
lum ere thia, hed I noft bin sustained and so'Ctlhed. by an onlimdited faotih in itihe 
oorrecmiis uv< (the doctrines uv the Ohio Dim'oerisy, ez regardis money. And 
feef-in tha/t I wuz assisiiin, ji my humble wuy, in puftin them dodtrines inito 
praotis, I de*termuied UK>t to go mad, but to persevere eve<n umt^o the end. 

But the perverse people are doin then* levei be^t to drive me crazy, and I 
am not ^hoor that they won't succeed. I bougiht a pare uv horses uv one ur 
em for $8,000, and paid him in oux own money. He thioft he'd ra^tihex iM*t 
tecih it. 

"Wlhen will this be redee-med?" he askit, innocen/tlj. 

"Any 'time you want it," I replied. , ^ , 

"In wat?" he retorted. 

"In other notes onto the same bank," sez I. 

"And how will yooredeem them notes?" sez he. 

"In jlsit (tflie same v^xiy," sez I, 

"Then all ther Is uv it," sez he, "yoo go on takin up one note by givin aa- 
o*the(r, and all uv em without interest nor nothln.** 

"That's Jt eggs»ack!y," sed I, "Yoo see, camit yoo, or are yoo an ijeot? 
tihiat money means faiith. Now ef the proud finanshel instoosihin in wicth I am 
the (hed, it^oos its note, yoo must hev faith that it will pay, and so long ez yoo 
h&y that faith, and everybody else hez tihot flaiich, so that they take it for 
mioney, yoo never want the money on it. So long ez money is taken, yoo don't 
want 'X redeemed, for it is good enuff, y\>o see! Our money is made gool 
by fiaith— and ez long ez it is sustaned by fo^th it will go. When the notes yov> 
hev noiw wears cul, come to ub and we wCll redeem em with neiw ones. But 
everybody niU'S^t hev faith. Ciant yoo see it? Everybody must hev faith! 
Faitih in the ishoos uv this bank uv ourn ^ neesiary to its success and stability. 
FUiibh in our money is, ez it is in Religion, the substance uv things hoped for, 
and Ithe evidence uv tMngs not seen, only more so. Wait till I git ^8,000 from 
tihe priutin ofl5j3, and take em for yo-or bosses, and go yoor way. Hev fa.th." 

Perkins, that wuz the farmer's name, took tihe money and went his way, 
ponderln ez (he went. He walked down to Bascoan'a wi'th deep lines uv thot 
onto hia face, wich reeoived itself into «a esjpa-eshun uv stern detenminashen 
ez (he (went in. 

"Kin yoo sell me a barl uv whisky to-day — a entire 0>arl?" 

"Certiain'ly," sed G. W^ smiingly, "cei^tainly, Mr. Perkins. It'* only 
worrtih $40 a gallon, or $1,680 per barl this imormn." 

"I »take a barl," sed Perkins. 

"AH rite," wuz G. W.'s response. "I'd ez soon sell a haai to-iWTinsrt: ez by 
the single drink." 

So G. W. and his wife, and his oldest son Jefferson Davis, rodled a barl up 
inAo P'-HrkinsQS wagon, and Perkins remarket thajt he iwantied to pay for that 
Utbar 'W*. tte spot. Basoom smiied pleasantly. Tfeere wnz notihin »o pleasant. 



133 TmX l^JLSBY LXTTZB& 

PeaMnis ocKiutlii^food, ea payin. for thiols wen yy>o g«t ©m, ei ft 
keeipin and vesasftiiis trooibles uv ali kind's. 

"Give ime pen, int and pcaper, G. W.," sed tflbis Perkini*. 

N'otnpliistoed, Baecoim did so meehanioaliy, and Perkins ran Ms tongue oiut, 
ez people do jn tihe Oomers wihen tbey attempt wriltin, and afiter Chirty mdnits 
uv jnfteose laibor, fwitlli swet a rollin from his brow fearful, lie handed Basoom 
•iMs dockeymenft: 

OoDjfedriit X Roti-ds, Sepft. 1, 1875. 

I piVMiiise «to p<ay G. W. Bascom sixteen hundred and eig/hity dloliars. 

JEtHIiAI. PEiRKINS. 

'•Walts tftus?*' askit the astonished Bascom, wjtlh ^u expreshen ur inteaise 
disgust ufiurpdn the place uv the smile. 

'*P!ay for thait likkeT," replied Perkins, calnn ez a Jioon momiin. 

"But tlhas aini: pay — it's yoor promise to pay, and yoo ain'tt gofe time hot 
pCaJce fixed for payment — yoo ain't ^ot no interest expire'Sit, nor northtn. "Wen do 
you tpeirp'ose to pay l(t?" 

"Never, G. W., never. Under the noo dispensasihen, proimises to pay is 
mioney. Aill you want in fai'th. So long ez yoo bLeeve that thait paper is 
money, "wat do yoo want uv money? Wiii3i flaith enuff that ^per is moniey, 
I !hev bin figigerin tihis matter out in my IntieMek ever sense I feev ban takia 
yK>or bank mocey. It's all the same. Ef I havef flaith In yoor money yoo must 
hev faith in mine. Wen this note wears out oome to me and I 'will writte yoo 
a niewj one. And don'lt keep it too long — I shed, take pleasure in writin yoo j 
notes often, so tfliat they will alluz be nersv and pleasant to look oit. How 
pllea'sanft it ds, Basoonn, to pay ez yx)o go! Hbcw mudh better I feel to pay on 
tihe nale, and how much bertter yoo must feel to hev yoor caish wen yoo deliver 
yoor goods." 

And Perkins drove off with the likker, Mte-heanted, leavln BasooHa dum* 
founded in the door uv the groisery, gaspdn with astonishment and blind wit a 
rage. 

Perkins didn't stop with a barl uv likker. He bot a pare uv pegged boota 
floT $80, and pade for em in the same way, and a kag uv nalUs, and two soot* 
uv cioze, and callico dresses for his wife and danvters, and a box uv paper 
coilans, and a necsk-tie, things he hed n ever dreemed uv hevin before, and he 
g*ott 80 eggsici'ted a/t his success in finanseerin tihat hd went IhouDe ez drunk es « 
billed oiwL. 

But the mdsery uv a^ this is, every cuss within five niles^ seedn PerMnse« 
suloeess, is doin the same bhingj and animimemse volyooan uv wat I nuay call 
indivijjle currency is afl-oat. And they is seriousily thretnin to vote to hev the 
corpalafshen take the stuff for taxes! The idee uv taMn money fbr taxes that 
ainit pi4u)ted, and that heznt g'ot no President and Oaeheer and Board uv Da- 
rektters! There ia such a thing ez carrying this fching too fur. 

But prosperity oontinoos her stimulatin rain. We ishood thirty thousand 
doGHars uv our money last week, and the beuefiishle effeok is vaJble. TVTieoft 
is maw $12 a bushel, Llkker $1 a drink plain, and $1.50 to them ez take sugvir; 
in ifchereSn, pe<g^ed boots is $80, cotton sox $4, and toiwn lots — well, any price 
thiat one chooees to ask for em. The diggin uv cellars is goin on satisfiacftorily, 
ez Is evry^lMng else that we Irin pay for in our own money. Burt I tremtble' 
wtilfti apprehensdons. Wat wiil happen when they oome to want the lumtber, 
and nailee^ and g-Mss, and other things wich hev to come from Looisvdlle?] 
That's itihe gost tihat hants me. , PETR-QiLEUM V. NA9BY, 

President uv the Oniimited Trust and Convene© Coanpeny. 

P. SL— Hw Duost ironderful effeck uv infila«hen wuz shKywd thds laormn 



* The Nasby Letters. I33 

Deelsfin PVjgrtim. The old saint made hl.s ruppeoirance at th-e bank is (& aoo cooC 
uv djoze wida Miraudy, bis dawter, goft for hiim. The old man tried to" keep 
U(p under iit, but finelly broke dvwn. He ref-aoz-ed to srtiay in his seeit unless we'd 
take off tihe coat, pii'J off his boots, and "thean d d stiookins," ez he ex- 
pressed it, and di-dp some tobacker joose over his buam. He swore thait he 
ni/tiher resdne bis poasheu thau to wear boots and sttoclius in the summer 
time, and ez 3ot paper colkiiYS he'd wear n^one uv em. He wx)od hev g'ooie 
insane ef iwe hedn't stripit him and got him hack to his nojrmel style. Wait a. 
difference there is in men! Now I took to stockins wlhen I gat to be Pr^I- 
demt uv tlhis bank ez naterally ez tho I bed ailluz wK>re em. But I hev moved 
ki beltiter saclie<ty tihan the Deekin hez. He is fcrooiy a child uv Naciher. 

P. V. N. 
FUETHEE INELATIOjST— FOUE NEW BAJSTKS— AND FIN- 
ALLY EYEEY MAN HIS OWN BANKER. 

Confedrit X Rood's, 
(wieh ifl in the State uv Kentucky,) 

Ocitober 12, 1875. 
The nian widh undertakes to benefit his fellofws loads ujp a very heavy ooa-' 
track. Half tihe ciftizens uv the Comers are a-goin back in the rao&t ongirate- 
foi manner on/to the OnHimited Confidence and Tru^ Company. They are a 
gettin $19 a bu^el for wiheat, and about the s^ame for oa/ts and com, and m-ea 
aofw talk uv thouisands wieh never before knoiwd fliow to pronooince the word- 
bnt ye«t Itaiec ain't (happy. They hev a hankeJa af^ter redempohun uv some sort— 
tihey dem-and to knorw when this money of ourn is again to be redeemed in 
sufCbin eiLse — some other kind uv money — ez t!ho our money, backed by jGaitih 
wuzn!t ez ^ood ez any in tihe woi^d. Ef these malcontemts wood only take it 
and look pleasant, there woodent be any tro.ui3le about it. 

Buit these men are not the worst we hev to contend witlh. The dMzens 
wloh are tihe stanched supporters uv the noo mioney hev defteimirlned Hhiat ef 
we Ihev tihe rite to isihoo money, they hev the same ri'te. And so four m» 
banks hev bin started tins week. 

Maxikey and Bums eitarted one, wjth ^Jkckey ez President and Bums es 
Oashier, with thean and q. nigger carpenter ez tihe Board off Direktens. Tftiey 
hev got t(he drop on us by requirin the officers to gdve bond^ 'wioh they ac- 
comipllis(h€d by hevdn Macke*^ sign Bums', Bums sign 'Mackey's, and both 
sdgn tihe nigger carpenrter's. Tben they her another advantage over us for 
they bought their own press and print their awn notes, wieh, ez we hev to par 
Simpson, the prinJter, a profit, enables em to make money cheeper Hhan we kin. 
They call their insti;toos/hun "The Naefhnel Benefit Assoshasihen," and hev 
Chedr blankin offis in ^^ackey'8 bed-room in the I?V>graan House. 

Soamseiy wuz this bank hisitin ouit money afore Squire Pe^ttus and Gredney 
■the e(hoeimaker started another wieh they cailed "The Blessin Diffusin Bank ur 
Norrtih Ameriky," with the offis in Gedney's shoe shop, and thej goit ahead ur 
us by printin thedr niotes in two colors, wtdh, I must say, g^ves em a solvent 
look. 

By this time vrhea't went up to ?25 a bushel, and scase at tihtt. 

Then Pairldns and Barney, the plasterers, who bed 'made a greojt deal ur 
money sdnoe infiia^ihen set in, .they bed to staiu a bank, wiah they aillled "TSie 
Ekitable a'sd Ingaj^hable Bankin Company uv the YoonJted .Stsates," and nfliey 
istrood t/heSr bfiJle by ■tihe bushel. 

Wheat w>enit ^p inmiej?tly to $38 per bushel, and « moo era nv prosperity 



134 The Nasbt Letts&s. ' 

B-eflore tih€«e finamseers bed gdt fairly Tnider vTray, BuIWb and Bnsterd ooo- 
cSooided Wiey'd igo into bankdn, and ibelhold one m'omin tthe 'bfii'js uy "tihe "Labor 
SLJmy>o'o'laJtiu Ojinip-aiiy— I. Biuts, i'rfs:den)t"— uniade 'tiheir apipeamnjoe. Tttiey 
d'Miu't Ihev (amy offis,fo'r Butts sedhe dadnt eee no yoose uv an oflSis. He eood 
pay out im.oney on the street 'all lie wauted to erf the peopHe wood take it, and 
ez it ceveir wuznrt: a g'Oiin to be redeemed, wait did tie 'wanlt uv an ofiis? He 
wuznt a golin .to amy isicih expense, for Tie Keeved in eooniamiz.in. To go to yoose- 
Es expensnets iwuz .to show a culpable disregiard uv -the iiiterei^ts uv 'th'e people. 

Wheat went up 'to $45 per buslhel, a nd tihere wuz more prosperity. 

IJheai brouible '&e<t in da diunks. The people who wuz not imt ore's ted in 
bankilu refoozed, plut blank, ^o take any uv their ishoos. Banks wuz a gettin 
rather too frelkent. A reackelhen okkured 'agin out naoney wlcih we wiho wuz 
iufteretsted ddtenmiined to crusih to-wuust. 

The ofiisihilfi uv the fiTe banks in the town met and decided to bold a 
m'ee'tin uv the citizens, at wieh siteps shood be taken to legalize our isboos. 

The meetin wuz held, and uv course we kerried it without any trouble, 
for seveu-'teuiths uv em bed our money in 'tiheir pockets, .and they »w^z very 
fav'oa-aibte to any acksihen tihat wood keep it a bilin. To that end we past iha 
f oC*. eiTi n resol oo'sh ens : 

"Wairausv The Demo<n*isy uv Ohio and Pennsylvany, wdtb a saniglerly just 
appresfhSaslhen uv the wants ut the citiajivs uv the Croes Ito-ads, be^v dem<au.deO 
uiiLjTe imioney, 'auid 

_ "Wiaras, Fiye oompinie« (hev kerried out 'tbe idee uv the Democrisy uv 
Obdo 'and Penmsylvany by f umishin the people more money, tand 

''W>;irea?v Notwdths'tandin the onparalleled prosperity that Ihez resulted froon 
the intorease lin •currency, cert in men in tb ^onjmoonity, by ref oozing to 'bake 1*1, 
dedline 'to be benefited; 'therefore, be it 

"Res'olved, Th'ait this raeetin uv citizens demand nv tflie Town Oouncil th-at 
it to-'wunsit convene and pass 'an ordnance imakiu the ishoos uv 'the five ban^s 
le^al tender for everything from drinks down to 'taxes, and that any citizen 
wb)0 irafo'Dzes ito take i!t, or imunmurs at it, or an any waj discredits it, shed be 
held ez a public enemy and be immejitly bung." 

The iwareases and the resoloosben wuz passed to-wunst, and I felt easier. 
With /the power to bang all wich Tefooze to take our imoney, I aiaitllier tbink I 
kdn imiake it current. A rope over 'the limb uv a tree is a persuader of ipare 
merit, and lit I>s tbbe be^ endorsement uv our paper that we kin possibly «hev. 

So far so good. But jisit ez I wuz f eelin good cfver my success, that '#nimiti- 
gaited cusi5> Jebdal Perkins, the man wa t give bis note to Basoom for a bard uv 
whisky with siioh dis-tinguisbed success, rose and sed he bed a series of wareases 
and a .reoloosben to pa«3S. He went on to siay tiha)t Ih bed given this questiou 
of finiance a great deal uv 'Study. He endorsed ful'ly the posishen uv the 
Dim'ocrisy uv Obi'O and Pennsytlvany. Hcbleeved in m'ore money — money eniiff 
for everyibody. He pinted 'witb pride to th development uv tbe Oorners «inice 
tihe creasbun uv moire money, and he bleeved that sail! .more money 'wouild m^ake 
still ini'ore prosperity. The idee wuz correct. The Government '^ood dsboo 
promiisies to pay and faith sbood make em good, without any sicb nonsense ez 
redeemiin; and if 'the G^overnment sbood do it why &hoodut banks; if 'banks 
wihy molt lindivijUes? That's what be wanted to know. Ef ther wuz any -siioh 
tbing ez redeetmin uv it in gold or anything else tbe people miltebev the ri-te to 
ask if them ez isboo the money bed gold o r anythang else to redeem em witlh, but ez 
ther aiin''t no redeemin perposed why tbat question dont came in. The people 
hev to bev faith, and th'a.t's all tbe beviu ther is dn tbe transacksben. He wuz 
a bleever dn moTe money au'di be perp'osed to (hev miore imoney, and be bleeved 
tlbialt tbem ez bed the greatest need (tor naioaiey elbood ihev the privillft^e tit 



The NAfiBT Letters. 135 

lAooin !t, aiDd so loag ez <tihe people took it from eadh otli«r i)t aiisefred aHl iftie 
perposes tiv irvoney. Therefore he pea-posed Iflie yoonanimuj adopslhun ur itihe 
follawiii "wlhepases and resoCoosiheB: 

**WiaTea^ Bf 700 hev a igrood thing yoo can't Ihev (too unaoh tit it; "and 

"W'areas, The increase iiv currency in the Oorneps tez bin producUfcive uv 
praaperity edch ez -we never dreemed nv; and 

"Wareas, It ii5 ^tftie dooty uv all earthly ^Temm'ents to diffoose its bles- 
85ni3 ekally, thea-fcy imitatiu 'ttie doos of heaven, wioh falk alike on tbe jufi4 and 
onju^st; and 

"Wareae, The manufatter uv money shood not be confined "to the few, 
bult sQiood be 'tihe privilege uv fthe many ; and 

"Wareas, We rekognize the justis and propriety uv comipeillin -tihe people to 
take isioh rn'oney ez m<ay be ifi.hood; therefore, Ibe it 

"Resolved, That every man may ishoo his notes tiv hiand, in sidh sums e'.i 
may "SOOt ihis interest or couveuienee, and 'thait sich notes »heC. (be legtal 'tender 
fur everything, tiie siame ez notes is hood by our five bankln inistitoosihuns." 

And the d — d ddeots «absloot!ly p<asse<i the reeolooahen 'without a miniit's delay, 
and they demanded thiat the CouncL meet that very nite and pass the ordl* 
nianice, wjah. it did. 

Ez every iman -uv em oommenst writin notes to wungt, and buyin all sortii 
uv ifhingB wi'th em, we're liable to hev enuff money at tbe Oorners imimejltlf 
— ea mueih ez ooir brethren in Ohio and Pennsj'Cvany wood desirev even. 

EverytMng in the s-liapa uv labor hez bin abandoned, for everybody hez 
g'one into Jtihe manuifak'ter uv currency, that ds, everybody wiio kin <WTate. 
Thank Heaven tbait they <neveT favored «kools "here — the inaiblity to shed ink 
is the onily limlit to our inflashen. 

One slngler result 'hez followed thia ordinance, viz: Nobody liez taothiii <o 
seJl. I (wient iato a shoe store yesterd ay, itihinikin to treat myself to a pare <»f 
boots, but the dealer hadn't any to sell. 

**Buit I see a hundred pare on the shelves," eed L 

"They hev all bin bought t^ people over in the next eounty," sed tftils 
vdlHn; "they wuz bougiht for ^old. Possibly ef yoo hed godd I -cood "get on© 
uv eon to sell you a pare ihi'sself." 

And he sed suthin about bringing a horse to water; 'but yoo coodent mak« 
ham drink. 

It is pl'ain to me that more legisOashun ia a godn to Ibe necessary. Up to «i 
certain pint itihey took our money, but som-dhow them ez airut a maidn it are a 
fitdn shy uv it. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Presiden't uv the Onlimlted Trust and Oonfidence Company. 

P. S. — 'More trouble. Baseom sez he's got to hev sometihinig to go to Loois- 
viiUle wl'th beside oxur money, or he'll hev to close. And all the meohani<Js in 
the vlliage, who hev to buy thiivgs in Looisville, are clamorin for suthin they 
klin buy w^idh, and threaten, e(f they do at get it, to bust bhinigs. Wun uv em 
impudenitly sed tha^t afore the inflation period they didn't hev much money, 
buit the^y eood do euitHn with »wat they hed. And the people applauded tiie 
disturber. 

2d P. S. — ^Easooim hez jest come in. His likker is meerly gone, ajid he 

Bwears hell cCoee his bar ef we don't do suithin to-'wunat. I hev caEed a meetiii 

of the Direktera. Ef B-ascom closes we are lost for ever. The Comers kia 

get on with any thilng but that. I kin get on awhile, tor I hev a jug in reservo, 

Irait Heven heisD thera wh.o is not pervided. 

P. V. N. 



136 The Nasby Letters. 

TEE EISID OF THE " ONLIMITED TRUST AND CONFIDENCE 

COMPANY."— THE FINAL SMASH-UP. 

' Ooofeda^ X Roads, 

(wadh iki iB tihic State uy Kenltueky,) 

Octobeor 20, 1875. 

Tlbeire is g-loom <xn!to tSie Oom«cis! Our aun ut ppoapeirity is sot, and my 
hi0(pe3 is blasted. The Orfliinited Trust and Oonfidenoe Gampiaiiy is mot &gg- 
BSbcMj BO miore, Ibut it's near enuff doad to makie it ©afe to bury lit on a veoi- 
tiheo*. Its eyes is sot. After a bridyant oareer uv five we-eikis, ooruscaitin along 
tiiie sky uv finance, dheddin a .perfeat rain uv blessdnis at every jump, its Mte 
h&z s&n^e, iltis bnilyiancy liez departed, and it don't oorusoaite wonth a cenit. 

"We bftvn't suspended, nor failed, nor dosed our doors, nior natMn, for 4Jhe 
simipG'e reason tiiait the bank wuz oonatruebed on an ijee that made faJldn iaor 
posisiible, and ttihe olosin uv dototrs Gnn-ec esaary. Ez we don'it hev to redeem, 
vrait shel we iiail fotr? Ez we don't pea-pose 40 pay noidhiin, wat s&eil we >cd)0«e 
our doons ior? Ther ainit inathin hide- bound about this bank. The peojfje is 
wevLooune !to oocm© in and discuss finance, and puit "tlber feeit up on tlhe benidhea, 
and spit ienybaokeir jooce ai over the floor, jedt lae frendly ais tihey c(hi0(o«e, and 
they may do it ez Jong ez they cihoose. 

No, 4516 Onlimdted Trust and Confidence Company adn'-t failed, bult dlt'i 
kinideff i>ateT'ed ouit, ez it vrere. It is expirin uv diry rot. Its note^ wi'dh is ita 
Uiiid, ainit hevin any oirk^iasihen. The people don't take em wdith that dheer- 
fuilneeis nessary to a proper bankin bt^ness. L€\gifi.laiahen don't fetdh eon. The 
ordinanices, wlcb miade deajth .the pena-lty for refoosin our ishoos, only wiorit 
©o iflar .ez takin uv em for taxes. The corporashen did take em for (tiakes in 
puirsiooance uv their own legislasQien, and here wuz wiheire the trouble beigun. 
The ftaxeis wuz levied on a greenibaek basis, and tihe entire levy aimoumted to 
$8,000. Well, tihe 'taiea JPor the finst time in t!he hisfcry uv the Gornera wiiz 
aili pa^e up in full, and with great promptness. A more promptex sieit uv tiai- 
payers I never seed. 

The treasurer bed $8,000 uv our isihoas wlhen it beouim neseary to buy « 
pQow and fouar apades to djo some work on the roads. In vane be tried to ^t 
em. The deaders a)t home, kmowin wat .currency he bed 'to pay in, suddenLy 
giot ou/t uv plows and spades, and when he went (to Looisville it took $1,000 
in our curreoiicy to pay hie faa:ie, and be offered the hardware dealer tbe otiher 
$7,000 for tihe implements he waiuted, bult it woodenit go. He bed ifco oome 
back wd-tihouit can. 

Then he aame and demoaided some currency uv uis widh he oood yoose, widti 
uv oounse we bedn't got none, and be becum an opponent to -our system. 

Two shoomakeps, each witth $70,000 uv our money, ooodent buy a side uv 
fldLe leaitlher to oontinyoo tlher bizoda with, and Ihed to stop; our nalerodes and 
'turnpikes bed to »bop, becoz, hevin got to the pint wbea: we bed to bev iron and 
flales amd mdh. things, we ooodent go on. So all the labrers bed to be dis- 
dhtarged, wdch made a desprit populasben, alL bowCin agin ua. 

BuJt tihe wust wuz yet to come. We oood bev weUhered all tihas, bait alas! 
^Blaacom JBailed. 

This wuz tihe fiuasbin blow — the ^eat iStJaggereir widh tihe Oomera oood mot 
posstlbly recover from. 

•Baiscom miade a manly fite, and I muflt »ay did all tibat he cood to stand 
up for uis. He raised the price uv drinkfl to $2 a drink, and when be saw 
hlis bar*ls rapidJy failin be tried to keep tbe Corners agoln, by wiaJteidn his lok- 
ker ez w>e bed watered ithte ounreacy. 



I 



Thi Nasby Lsma«. 137 

!Bait tfeese expe^lienrt didn*/t wxM-k. The higher the pric€ he put on his lik- 
kear ffiie moo-e tlie peop.e seerad to "want to drink uv it. It eemed to be • 
(ieli'te to esm tx) pay out our money ef they g-ot anything -matever for it. But 
tihey woodenlt do wat Basccwn moat desired — thit is to say, they Troodent sttand 
his vraitered whiskey. They sed to him, "Ef $2 a drink a^in't higih enuff, 
charge $4. It'a a]£ wnin to us. Set em up agin." 

And the baj-To^^m full wood step up and take suttihin, and the man wiho 
askt em ww>d throw down on the bar a peck of our cuirenjcy for likker, and 
iell Boscom 'to help himse'Lf. 

Bascoim com© to us and begged that we sihood let kim hev suthin tlhiat he 
eood yoose to re-atock his bar. He sed the dealers in Looisville laffed in his 
face when he offered em our money for likker, and he Ih-ad but two ibarls left. 

And thean two banLa vraz vizably shrinkin every miLnit. It seemed ez 
though the populis got insane for likker at the rery time when we didn't wumt 
em to hey it. For the first time in my life, I wanted the Comers to be tean- 
pri;t, for eTery drop drunk from th-ose barls brought our bank that much nearer 
its end. I so* opposite Bascom's, and eaw the arow^d go in ,wi'th a sinMn 
eenisasQien that wuz akin to death. Drink by drink it went, and ez ef they 
ooodent eggsau^ it fast enougli by the single drink, they got to coonin for it 
in tin dii>pers. 

•*Hoiw does it hold out?** win tiie message I sent him at 10 a. m. 

The answer come proanprt: 

**10:05 a, m.— Wun bari untultdhed, twenty gaiKona in the other vmd einkia 
«fre(ry mdifflit. B." 

Then I sent thds: 

**10:10.— Fill (her up mtlh orator. Keep JefiEaon Dayis a pourin la. HoSd 
tibe foitt ' N." 

And the answer conxe: 

'*10:15.— ^effson Da via la a (Mstm In waiter ez fast ez he Mn carry k. Mra. 
Biasoom is a rinsin out odd barls, to whidh she adds kyan pepper amd oanafeBe. 
Ef I hed some Saoitcih snuff it wood help. Will hold out ez long ea it's i>ossiiWe. 
Bmt iit'« terrible. A man jist come m and demiandid a gallon. B.** 

Thvenity miniits thereafter Bascom semt tMs: 

"Hot jiist put a spdggot in the laist barl, and the Comers is a howllii. it 
woai't lafit an hour. B.** •! 

Then an expedient segedted iitself to me. I sent this noite: 
**Time L» everytibiaiig. Bust tihe spiggoit. N." 

Widh he did, tSiua keepLn the wxjlTes at bay for an hour, w<hile It wna beia 
repaiiied. 

But why hairoaw the public buzum with the detailes ut this painfnl 
«toT7? T8ie end wuz imeyi table. Drop by drojv drink by drink, pint by pixut, 
thlait likker wuz ebbin away, and each drop weakened the bank. That likkev 
wuz our life-Wud, and ez it flowed we wilted. 

Wateria (the barl wuz merely a palliatiiye; and it wuz with a feelin ut relief 
tfliat I saw Gieo. W. thaxxw ujp his hands and excliaim.: "It's all gone but a 
gallon, wdch I sihe£ keeip for my o<wn yooee. Ifis all gone, aird I aan't get aa» 
othier drop an IxjoasTidle." 

And Ihe diropit his head desp<}n^nJy on a pile tjsv abovet $12,000 ut wa cm> 
pency, wicfli (he ihjedat tfab^i off tie bar, and wept despondinly. 

"VYfiiy cJan't you get imiorre?" demanded the elicited po^fuiis. 

*^Beoo9( Z ai<D.% eat no anoiDey bi^ this, and yoo coodeat got ft tttzl wf 
wftodoeiy in IjdoigvVAtb tor ft oar load uy it.** 



ISI The Kasbt Lsmsii ^ 

1 atteim{)itied to reacsooi 'vtMi tiha p«o^l«u I to&d em tbot one reumk «? «ar 

"R'^ealttfli wuz thfl/t we iior^ it ki a cumency ttiat we coodent send aiway firoin 
hwane, tflms keepda our oapital ■withiii ourselves, boat! tftiey reifioozed to Ufliten to 

me. Thej d d my bank, they d d me, and tiiey wenjt for the b»ajik, 

aweamn that ef IftueT wuz anything there thai, cood be csonverted inito likker 
Baseom efla<K>d hev it. It Is cmneeisisbvy to reuniark that tihey didn't find any- 
ilhiag. Antissipalftn an onipJeasanttnis, wje hied remioved the mLyooaMes tto tk 
plaae ov aaieity, (witeih wuz thia miderside uv my bed a>t Deeddn Pognaan'ft. 

Tbey tihey diemamxled ftflifat tttue money tftuey heM be redeeaid inrf» surtMn tihey 
toad yoose, baiH ut coairtae we declined to discuss tihe mattea:, referrin. thean 
to tihe (tetnmal uv tttue issihoK) ez es3)!re6sed om tfiie noties, ez weA ea thee otwn esor 
/lodisemieinit uv (the okeecn. 

But ftihils didn't ©atLsfy em. They delibrately b<r©ai^t ou* |675,000 ut the 
Ldhjotos uv idhe variooM banks, and pilia uv it u.p on tihe utreeit, aot fire to % 
dkn-cfin a demoni-ajc dance arooind it. This amoozed me, for ut c»uirse I hed no 
BOirthly 0(bJ€(ckHhen .to tQier redeemin uv it in that way, but wfiien I seed em 
ifein ropes to the Ibrees in tihe vimity, I remarkt t<o any fello^-ofiaoesrs: "Gen- 
\\l'emen, yioor .Ptresideait hez pireesin biznis in yonder foresrt," and I gK>fe oait ez 
1 a{plidly ez my jpooir wa'stid iims wood p e-nniit. I fla^^ter myse4f tlhai I miade 
iolCaible time if or a man uv my age, whose atrength 4^ muo&t&y in bia etumdck. 
ladeed, wen I turned and aam ten oo* a dozen uv the fo«eaitt>st m&a u,v the Oor- 

sere <lo&t jbdhlnd me, and all shouitim "Hang tihe d d thietfl" mo gentle 

gazelle tlhiat I enrer (heeod uv ever skimmed the pltain ez I idftd. I did not oease 
riianln (till I goit into iihe middle uv tie bdg swamp. 

IVialt (bectoime uv the other drekttets I don't knjc»w. T&e kuet fiecwi look that 
I turned (toards ftlhe banik I eaiw Isisaker Gravitt and Deekin T^siojm strugglin 
ui the (baoadj uv the mob, wicih wuz playtfulSy foaxsLni uv ena to sait down on a 
bumin pole uv ftiher own currency- 

I am iui a deserted hut in the swaanp, wicii wuz yoosed by runMtway niggers 
iai the oild tames, and am -fed by a nagger fairmer, "wiho hez not iaoeerd u/v the 
ODllfta^pse, and oonsekently takes his p-ay in tihe OnJimited- Hf tSid nix»ze ever 
igets to Ihim uv Ithsa reel oondieiheoi uv things a<nd he siheta off #U|ppiiesi, or re- 
"eels any wCheireahoiufts, I am a lost maa. 

Wat idhunges ther is in life? A week ago a suoo^Bful finanseer, and tihe 
l»et uv the popoilis— tihe Saviour uv the Oorners! 1V>day a hunted fugitive^ 
Uvin <m hoe-oak^e fuamahed by a nigger. Oae needs to be «, filosopher. 

PETEROILEUM V. NASBY, 
iLate President uv the Onlimited Trust and Oonfideaice Oompany, 

N. B. — I Iiev heerd froan the Corners. The ungrateful people, aJ&ter half 
fciOIiin the officeana uv tthe bank, passed reeodooshens that we wuz all a pack uv 
tiheeves, (and that diem ez had sold land and sich for our moaiey shood soo for 
recovery then-eof, and thart they'd hang any judge wich wx>odeat dieslde agin 
us. OBasfOOtm Jiez gone back onto u^ and hez sold back to Pollock and Bigler 
the store we (hot uv em, and hez got greenbax enuff to git a few bojis uv 
likker, and h^z re-op^ened. He hez put the price uv Likker dioiwn to five cen'ti 
agm, and «efooae6 to take aoyithing for it but nickeij and p>oistiaI currency. 
He sez he ain't gitttin. ez many cart-loads uv money ez he did ia the inflaaheo 
period, Ibuit due's satisfied. The most uv tiie citizens is baibkrupt, and roola 
iti evx^rwiheirft. Oh, wthj did thecir £aith giva mat at tihe wro-^^g tixael 

E, V.M. 



HK. KASBY'S PEOPOSITIGN IS NOT ACCEPTED. i 

In a Twamp near Confedrit X Roads, 
C^'ich is in tlie State uv Kentucky), 

October 27, 1875. 

I felt that ef I had to stay another week in this infernal cabin I shood 
die. With nuthin but hoe-cake to eat— with infrekent and onreliable 
drinks, with no society watever, life didn't seem to nie to be wuth hevin. 
Therefore I sent a note to the citizens uv the Corners askin for a promis uv 
safety, that I mite make em a proposishen, wich ef they wood accept, 
wood enable the Bank to go on and become ez permanent ez time herself. 

The Corners met and decided to receeve me and appinted a committee 
to heer my proposishen, and on reseevin ther answer I made my way 
thither. 

The meetin wuz held in the Church. It wuz an impressive scene. On 
the platform in front of the pulpit sot the committee — the auditorium in 
fv'ront wuz crowded with citizens, the must uv whom hed baskets uv my 
(mrrency, and ther wuz an expectant murmur ez I entered. I wuz delited 
to see that ther wuz a winder just back uv where I wuz to stand, and also 
Ihat it wuz open; that it wuz only three feet to the ground, and that the 
voods wuz only about 80 rods to the rear. Old ez I am I kin make fairly 
I rood time for 80 rods. 

I wuz respectfully invited to make my statement. 

Ez I rose a most anxshus silence pervaded that assemblage. Too cood 
Lev heerd a pin drop ef enybody hed dropt one. 

Wipin my streamin brow I remarked that I hed never intended that 
ihe Corners shood loose a cent by our bank, nor did I now so intend. 1 
.."onfest that lookin simply to the idae uv inflashun, follerin the idees ot 
>;lie Democracy uv Ohio and Pennsylvany, I hed not given sich careful at- 
vjintion ez I shood hev done to the matter uv redempshun. 

At this pint the awjence seemed to be visibly pleased. 

I hed hed a week uv solitood, and I hed employed that time wrestlin 
'«ith the question uv finance, and I wuz happy to say that I hed finally 
mastered it. I hed matoored a skeem for redempshun wich I wuz willin to 
jj resent. 

"Go on! go on!" the people shreeked delitedly. 

"I perpose to redeem the ishoos uv the Onlimited Trust and Confidence 
lift the bonds uv the Company." 

Their faces resoomed a expresshun uv stolidity wich I did not like. 

"Will them bonds bear interest?" they all askt in korus. 

"Certainly they will. We shel be generous. You may fix the rate of 
interest at wat yoo choose." 

"That seems fair," they exclaimed. 

I congratulated myself on havin got through tollable easy, and wuz 
steppin off the platform to go over to Simpson's to hev the bonds printed 
when that feend, Joe Bigler, who wuz sittin with Pollock, rose and re- 
markt that he, ez a bill holder, hed a question to ask. 

"Go on!" sez I. 

"Too'll give interest-bearln bond-, for yoor notes, will yoo?^ 

"Certainly, Josef, "^ sed I; "uv course we will." 

"Wat do yoo perpose to redeem the bonds In?" 

"Why, our notes, uv course. Wat else hev we to redeem em in? Our 
notes, witti the prlvilegre tiv convertin uv em Into bonds at any time — 
wA fttith !s Ote b^t monsy In the world." 



146 The K smr llrrERft. * ' 

"Then wat'll yoo redeem the notes In?" persisted Josef with feendlsh 
pertenassity. 

"Why, the bonds uv course," was my response. "Wat kin eny wun 
want better than intrest-bearin bonds, and wat currency kin be better 
than that wich yoo kin convert at pleasure into sich bonds? My friends, 
whenever yoo want bonds for yoor currency doa't hesitate to come for em 
— don't be afiaid of givin the officers trouble. It is our pleasure to serve 
the public, and we'll go to any lengths " 

"But wat did I understand yoo'r goin to redeem them bonds in?" askt 
Josef agrin. 

"Our notes!" I answered, out uv pashence with him. 

"And yoo redeem the notes with yoor bonds?" 

"Certinly; jist ez our friends uv Ohio perpose to pay the nashnel 
debt.** 

"And this goes on for time and eternity?** 

"Certinly, Josef. A finanshel Institooshen, constructed ez ours Is, kin 
go on from time to eternity, becoz It is convertible — one species uv paper 
into another, and another into one. You see " 

"Yes, I see, but citizen Bascom, when yoo hev sold all yoor likker agin 
for this paper, and yoo turn around and convert it into bonds, hev yoo any 
ashoorance that they'll take them bonds in L.ooisville for more likker? 
Did they take the notes afore? How much better does the bonds make 
em? Fellow citizens uv the Comers— (Josef spoke impressively) — Fellow 
citizens uv the Corners, inoggerate this systwn agin if yoo choose, but I 
feel it my dooty to warn yoo that In a week there won't be a drop uv lik- 
ker in the Corners, and wat's more, yoo won't be able to git a drop. Yoc 
are standin on the brink uv a presslpis. Haul off before it is everlastinly 
too late." 

The people seed It to wunst, and with a glare like so many Infoori- 
ated tigers they riz and went for me. The winder wuz open, and I sprang 
thro it, and made for the woods, wlch I reeched Jist in time. Hed they 
caught me, they wood hev hung me out uv hand. 

I am now in the cabin. In wich I hev spent the last week, sick and 
sore. Does finanseerin mean perpetooal skootin for the woods? Am I alluz 
to be escapin with my life? Oh for a quiet, sekoor post offls! 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
President of the late Onlimited Trust and Confidence Company. 

P. S.— The nigger who owns my hidin place hez diskivered who I am. 
He went to the Comers to get pervlshens with the money I give him, and 
then the cat wuz out uv the bag. He sed hed he knowd who I wuz and 
wat I wuz hidin for, he never wood hev took me in. He thot I wuz merely 
a hunted and distrest hoss-thief, Ez I hed nuthin to pay him 
in, he came in while I wuz asleep and took my coat 
and boots, wich he sez I kin hev when I give him good money for 
that wich I paid him in. He bleeves I hev some good money about me 
somewhere. How I am to git away from here the Lord only knows. 

P. V. N. 

CIt may be proper to remark that after this letter Mr. Nasby kept 
silence for several months, and when he again resumed his pen, his let- 
ters were dated from Confedrit X Roads, as formerly. It is to be inferred 
that the means by wl h he extricated himself from the dire predicament 
so graphically described in the above postscript were so painfully humill- 
f'tin5r that he could not bear to jnake them known to an mnsympathiziug 



LATER LETTERS. 



The letters following are now embodied In book form for the first time.' 
They are taken from the files of the Toledo Weekly Blade, in which alone 
they were published. The selection embodies the greater number written 
from 1869 to 1887, and embraces all that are of permanent value; that is, 
those letters only have been excluded which were based on local subjects] 
or suggested by comparatively trtvial occurrences, which have now 
passed out of the public mind, and were not important enough to become 
part of our political history. 



MR NASBY SETTLED AT LAST IN THE CITY OF NEW YOEK. 

• In the 6th Ward uv Noo York, 

Dec. 10, 1869. 
The dove which Noah sent out come back to the Ark becoz the waters 
kl^ered the land; when the dove found a dry spot it come back no more. I 
am a dove. I wuz sent out from the Corners, but the prevalence uv water 
druv me back, time and agen. Now, thank Heaven, I hev found a spot 
wher ther is no water (at least I've never seen any used here for any 
purpose), and here I stay. My foot hez found a restin place. 

I am the sole proprietor uv the "Harp uv Erin" S'loon. The original 
proprietor uv the "Harp uv Erin" diad the evenin uv the last eleckshun, 
much regretted by his politikle assoshates. He hed only voted thirteen 
times, when In arg>'ment techin the merits uv his candidate, ez compared 
with his opponent for the nominashen, he wuz hit with a brickbat, and 
died with his day's Tvork half done. The man who struck him wuz ex- 
pelled from the society to wich he belonged for killin an able-bodied Dem-' 
ocrat before the closing uv the polls. 

Hqw I got possesshen uv the s'loon I shel not state. Suffice It to say 
it became mine, and the stock likewise, and that I shel never hev occa- 
shen to leave it. Here I shel live, and here I shel die. Uv course I've dec- 
orated it to soot the tastes uv my patrons. I took down the portrate uv 
Jackson, and cut ofC uv the bottom the words. "The Yoonyun, it must and 
shel be preserved!" and substitooted, "He serves his party best who votes 
the most," wich I read to those who drop in ez the the last words uv 
the Hero uv Noo Orleans. I hev an Irish flag turned round an Irish 
Harp, over the bar, and portrates uv the Head Centres uv the Fenian 
Brotherhood, properly wreathed, all about the room. On the end uv the 
bar, in the spot where in other neyborhoods the water pitcher stands, I 
hev a box with a hole In the top uv tt, inscribed, "Contribushens for the 
benefit of our sufErin brethren in English Basteels may be dropped In 
here." That box more than pays my rent. Then I hev quite a cabinet uv 
141 



112 Tu£ Nasbt Letters. 

sakred relics. I hev a peece uv the rope wlch hung John Brown; the 
Identlcle club wlch killed the first nigger in the riots uv Jooly, 1863; a buUit 
fired at the Triboon offis at that time, with other sooveneers dear to the 
Democratic heart, wioh attract many. These hang onto the walls, and 
underneath them, I hev the prices uv drinks inscribed, with the itorn, 
cold words, "No Trust." 

I inoggeratid my establishment last "Wednesday nite, Rememberin the 
terrible endin uv all my other inoggerashens, I declined at fust to make 
any formal openin, but my friends insisted that it wuz the custom uv the 
ward, and that I must do it. 

"Nobody will buy yoor likker," sed one, "ef yoo don't make a regler 
openin." 

"Ef I make a regler openin," sed I, "I won't hev a drop to sell em. 
Stay— I hev it. I'll go before a Justis ov the Peece and take a solemn 
oath not to drink anything myself that nite." 

"Twon't do," sed my fren^; 'oaths don't count in this ward." 

Various plans wuz rejectid. One gentleman proposed that 1 snood b<. 
tied down so that I coodent git at the likker, and that he shood do the hon ■ 
ors. His nose wuz agin him, and I declined his proposishen. Finally .< 
hit upon the plan. I calkilated that twenty gallons wood anser, and / 
put that amount in a barrel. The balance uv the stock I locked In Hi 
room, ££nd then put the key away in a drawer. 

"There," sed I, triumphantly, "afore that twenty gallons is eggaustia. 
I shel be too far gone to know where the key to the room holdin the bal^ 
ance uv the stock is. Saved! Saved!" ' 

It resulted ez I anticipatid. At first we hed speeches, and toasts. Mi, 
O'Rafferty replied to the toast, "Our adoptid country." He sed the terr,) 
"Our adoptid country" wuz a happy one, for so far ez Noo York waz con- 
serned the sons of Erin hed adoptid it. He hed bin charged with a lack u.' 
love for this country. He repelled the charge with scorn. Why shoodn'r 
he love this country? In wat other country wuz votes worth a doUa.l' 
a peece? Where else cood sich a man ez he hev so high a posishen ez 
Alderman, and only two years on the ground? 

Mr. O'Toole Jined in the sentiment. Where else under the canopy cood 
a man like hisself who coodent read be a skool director? He hed oftcM 
bin thankful that he turned his face toward Ameriky the minit hi^ timu 
wuz out in the prison at Liverpool. Ther wuz less risk in holdin offia 
in Noo York, than in burglary in England, and the results wuz shoorer. 

Ther wuzn't much more speech-makin. The drinkin went on fast and 
furious tho, and ez I antissipated, before the twenty gallons wuz eggs- 
austed I wuz very drunk, and incapable uv any effort, mental or phys- 
ikle, and the others were in very much the same predicament. Four or 
five uv em did try to rouse me, to git more, but it wuz uv no use; they 
might ez well hev whispered Gray's Elegy in the ear of a dead mule. The 
most uv em slept, ez I did, on the floor till the mornin. 

I shel be happy here. I hev the s teddy patronage uv two aldermen, 
three skool directors and four contractors, and when the Mayor gits the 
appintin uv the poleece there will te twelve poleecemen whose trade I 
kin count on. Ther in my back rocm is where the preliminary caucusses 
for the ward Is held, and I shel be paid for wat the managers drink till 
I ETit ax) offis myself. At last my lines is cast In pleasant places. 

PETROLEUM V- NASBT. 
(Wicb wuz P. MJ 



The Nasbt Lettees. 143 

ME. NASBT EECEIYES A LETTEE FEOM DEACON POGEAAL 

6th Ward, City uv Noo York, 
January 10, 1870. 

Yesterday I received the follow in letter from that old saint in 
trowsers, Deekin Elkanah Pogram. It was delayed a long time, ez the Dee- 
kin directed it to "Rev." Petroleum V. Nasby. The letter carriers hedn't 
any idee that there wuz any man in the 6th ward who hed any title to 
that prefix. But I finally got it. I need not say that after readin it I 
closed my bar and hung crape onto the door. Oh, the demoralization of 
this cussid age! But it wu-z a comfort to hear from him. "Ez in water 
face ansereth to face, so the heart uv man to man." The tex shood reed, 
in Kentucky at least, "Ez in whiskey," &c., but I take no liberties with 
Bkripture. This is the Deekin's epistle; 

Confedrit X Roads, Ky., 
Dec. 2, 1869. 

My Dear Friend : — I avail myself u v thr presence uv a young man from 
Injeany, who kin rite, to inform yoo ez to the condishun of things in 
yoor old home. Things is bad here and is rapidly growin wuss. Sence yoo 
left us it seems to me ez the kaos hed come agin, and that confooshen wus 
bein wuss confoundid. The first families hev lost their grip; niggers and 
ablishnists hev come in, and hev takin controle, and Confedrit X Roads is 
no longer a place in wich a gentleman uv refinement and culture kin de- 
cently live. 

That infamous wretch, Joe Bigler, and that onmitgated pest. Pollock, 
Is in partnership, at least Joe is sellin goods for Pollock, and his store is 
the resort uv all uv their class fur m iles around. The old settlers hev 
nothin watever to do with em. We wuz disposed to paternize em, but when 
Pollock refoozed to let goods wich we hed bought go out of the store till 
they wuz paid for, and the next minit give credit to niggers, we Indig- 
nantly declined to deel with him. That indignity we woodent submit to. 
We indoost two merchants from Louisville to start biznis her*;, but they 
didn't stay long. They give credit, and their trade wuz consekently brisk, 
but they hed difficulty in renooin their stocks. When one uv em presented 
his bill to me, I told him indignantly that ef that wuz the way he perposed 
to do biznis, he mite ez well close. "Why," said I, "I mite ez well deel 
with Pollock." He remarkt, insolently, that he wished I hed dealt with 
Pollock, and flung hisself out uv my presence. Merchants are, ez a class, 
disgustinly mersenary. 

Bascom threatens to close down and leave us. He hez alreddy mortga- 
gis on all our land to its full valyoo, and sence the offises are all in the 
hands uv men who don't drink likker at all, he sez there ain't no money 
within his reech, and he can't carry us much longer. He sighs for the good 
old times under Johnson's administrashen, when all the money receeved 
by the Postmaster, the Collector and Assessor poured into his drawer. 
He is morose and gloomy, and waters his likker fearfully. I allez hev 
to take five or six drinks before I experience any sensashen. 

But these things is not the worst or most gloomy uv the signs uv the 
times. There's rooin ahed uv us. The chivalry uv the Corners hev lost all 
spirit. Only last week ther wuz a temperans lecterer advertised to make 
a speech in the hall over Pollock's store. "Shel this be permittid?" 
askt Bascom Indignantly, bringin his fist down onto the bar till th« 
classes rattled. 



144 The Nasby Lettkre. 

"Never!" shouted Issaker Gavltt and the others In the bar-room, who 
scentid drinks ahead. 

Bascora sot out the bottles; we all took suthin, and rusht toomulch- 
usly to the hall. Yoo remember with wat eagernis we formerly mobbed 
obnoxyas speekers? We wuzn't at all eager that nite. We only run a rod 
or two; our pace got down to a slow walk afore we reached the spot, I 
and when we got inito the hall we meekly sot down and listened to the 
heretlkle cuss, and went away without heavin a stun at him. When 
Bascom reproached us for our lack uv spirit, I told him that wuz no yoose. 
Men coodent mob anybody on sich likker ez he furnisht. It won't do toj 
diloot when yoo hev sich biznis on hand. 

But that wuz not the most alarmin sign uv the degeneracy uv our 
people. Within a month two Methodist preachers hev held forth in this 
village, and neither uv em were hung or shot! What hope kin there be 
where such things occur? And wat is wuss two uv our old friends atten- 
did their meetins, and immejitly they quit comin to Bascom's, and I notist 
their children yesterday with shoes on. Bascom sighed ez he seed it. 

"It's a mystry to me," he sez. 

"What is a mystry?" sez I. 

"Why, 80 long ez them men stayed with me all day, they hedn't no 
money to spend — now that they don't come no more, they hev money, but 
they waste it on shoes and I don't get it. Why didn't nacher make meP 
capable uv workin all day and drinkin all nite?" 

Ther ain't no change in me or mine, ceptin that my house is somewhat 
smaller. At the beginnin uv the winter, we wuz compelled to yoose our 
kitchen for firewood, ez me and Jethro, my oldest son, cooden't procoor 
the labor to cut the winter's fuel. The niggers won't work for us. Next 
winter I spose the sittin room will go, then the wing wich we yoozed foi 
a spare bed-room will follow, and ef I am not gone hentz by that time, 1 
don't know wat we shell do for more. The coil uv fate is titenin about me 

The niggers up towards Garrettstown are akkoomulatin property rapid- 
ly, and they pay their taxes promptly, bait wat good is that to Bascom? The 
offishls is all ablishnists, and that money is diverted into other than legiti- 
mate channels. These vandals hev macadamized a mile uv road between 
the Corners and Garrettstown, and built a bridge over the Run. Kin yoo 
blame Bascom for wantin to leave here? 

I hev heard uv yoor success, and am glad uv it. Wood that I cood git 
into suthin uv the sort! Wood my fate wuz different. But we can't all 
keep grosery. I shel stay here, and when all the people is gone I shel go 
down. Thank Heaven the time is not far off. 

Yoor friend, 

ELKANAH POGRAM. 

P. S. — ^Ef yoo cood send me a two-gallon jug uv likker wich hez life 
Into it I shood alluz remember it gratefully. After Bascom's watered stuff 
it wood be a gleem uv sunlite after a long and tejus nite. E. P. 



I laid down the old man's letter affected to teers. Water in the whis- 
key! Children with shoes, while old men lack sustenance! Macadam- 
ized roads! Bridges! Methodist preachers! Temprans lecturers! Ablish- 
nism, these is thy work! Thank Hevin, I am ankered where none uv these 
things kin be. I shel send the old man his Jug. It will put him out uv his 
misery quicker, £.nd smooth his pathway to the toom. Besides, when he's 
gone wat I owe him la settled. PETROLEXJM V. NASBY. 

(wich wuz PostnaasterO 



¥hi JSjkssr LsTTSBft. 145 

A WAIL OYER THE ADOPTION OF THE FIFTEENTH 
AMENDMENT BY THE OHIO LEGISLATURE. 

^ «th Ward, Noo York, 

m Jan. 24, 1870. 

K The passige uv the 15th Amendment by the Ohio Leglslacher created a 
profound sensation in this immejit visinity. The news reached U3 in the 
afternoon, and that evenin a large meetin wuz held in the back room uv 
my grosery to express our views on the topic, the elect uv the Democrisy 
uv the ward bein present. I wuz uv course called to the chair, and Tom- 
my Mick Farland, who wuz wunst a reporter, till an overpowerin fondnis 
for likker preventid him from dischargin his dooties, and who, ez he kin 
write, hez since made a livin by actln ez Sekretary uv Dimekratlc meetins 
in this ward, wuz made Sekretary. 

Terence O'Grath, who is an under waiter at the Astor House, remarked 
that his sole wuz filled with woe. The passage uv the Amendment by the 
Ohio Legislacher, settled the question uv nigger suffrage. From this time 
forward a menial race, only fitted by nacher to do menial offices for others, 
wood be placed on a ekality with him. It wuz degradin to the race uv 
freemen to wich he belonged, and for one he wood never, no never, submit. 
Mr. O'Grath wood hev continyood his remarks, but he wuz cut short by 
the entrance uv the head waiter, who cussed him viggerusly for beln 
away from his place, and ordered him instantly to leeve. "Who's brushln 
the gentlemen's coats, and pullin on their boots, and sich, while yoor 
here blatherin?" indignantly ejackilated the head man, ez Mr. O'Grath 
meekly left the room. 

Timmy Brannon, a drayman, remarkt that he wuz entirely discouraged. 
Only last week he hed bin arrested and fined for beatin his boss over the 
head with a dray pin, and now can nothin be dun to check these outrages? 

Thomas Patterson, Esq., a gentleman known In pugilistic circles ez 
"Patty the Lifter," wantid to know whether he wuz to be compelled to 
qo to the polls twenty times a day beside niggers? "Blast my heyes," re- 
markt Mr. Patterson, vehemently, "I'll go back to hold Hingland first!** 

Mr. Phelim Malloy remarkt that so far ez Noo York wuz conserned 
he didn't know ez 'twood make any difference. He wuz entirely shoor that 
no nigger wood ever vote In the Sixth ward, anyhow, ez we don't allow 
only sich white men to vote ez we want to hev vote. But — '* 

"But sposn they'll all vote the Dimocrathic ticket?" sung out the Al- 
derman. 

"That wooden't do us any good," retorted Mr. Malloy. "So long ez we 
kin repate ez often ez needs be, and stuff into the boxes ez many votes 
ez we want, wat do want uv more voters? Wat he wuz about to say wuz, 
that while it wooden't affect us In Noo York, his sole run out In pity 
towards the Democrisy In the Ablishen Distriks who wood be. If he wuz 
compelled to vote with niggers, compelled to stan by helplls and see the 
Dallot-box degradid." 

At this pint there wuz a gineral expreshun uv Joy, okkashund by the 
entrance uv Mr. John Sykes, who hed jist arrived from Sing Sing, where 
ihe hed bin encarcerated two years for burglary, wich wuz complicatid with 
jshootin the individjooel whose house he was burglin. His bein convicted 
and sentenced wuz owin to the fact that he hed opposed the nomlna- 
Bhen ov the Judge afore whom he was tried. Mr. Sykes wuz uv course to- 
dignant, at the unfair treetment he hed experienced, but he wuz more pr»- 



i4i f HB l^^sMY hmttltU, 

foundly affectld at the politikle sitooasTien than he wuz at his prfvft 
wrongrs. "Thunder! To think," sed he, "uv such a mass uv igrnorance, 
vishusness and crime bein elevatid up to us. Ef 'twant for some little 
matters connectid with a half dozen house-breakins In Lunnun, I'd go 
back on the next steamer ez sails.** 

And Mr. Sykes actilly wept. 

At this pint an unfortunit diffrence occurred. Alderman O'Fallon wuz 
offerin a reslooshen protestin agin the assoshatin uv free men with the low- 
er and more vischus classes ez teiidln to corrupt the sanctity uv the bal- 
lot, when Mr. Patsey Carney entered. "Pay me the money ye promised 
me for the ten votes I brot ye off the emigrant ship last fall, ye spalpeen!" 
ejackelated Carney. "I've paid it twice ye blaggard, and be gorra there 
wuz only nine uv em, and one uv em wuz a legal voter, for wich ye hed 
no rite to ask pay for!" retortid O'Fallon. 

"To the divil wid yez!" remarkt Carney, goln for him. Uv course the 
entire meetin Jined In the scrimmage. It lasted twenty minits, resultin in 
the breakin uv every chair in the room, a two-gallon jug, and twelve or 
fourteen heads. That relic uv Ablishen misrule, the Metropolitan po- 
leece, kum In and stopt the row, takin away ten men, nine uv wIch I 
knowd hed money In ther pockets, wich, hed they stayed an hour, I shood 
hev got. It wuz exasperatin. 

Two uv my stiddy customers who hed bin overcome early In the after-' 
noon, and who hed jist got up out uv the straw wich I keep In a room for 
the accomodashen uv sich. Insisted that they'd never consent to givin uv 
politikle power to the degraded wretches. They felt that the very prop- 
osishen was an outrage. "Besides," one uv em remarkt, "wat effect will 
the makin uv sich an army uv new voters hev upon the price uv yotes? 
Ef they vote at all In this city they'll hev to vote with us. Will they 
immejitly demand their share uv the ofRses? Imagine my bein arrestid 
for vagrancy by nigger poleecemen!" 

And the bare thought so shockt him that he rusht out Into the bar- 
room, and took a whiskey straight, forgettin in his excitement to pay for It. 

Resolooshens were introduced and passed, denouncin the ackshen uv 
Ohio, and exhortin Noo York to stand firm In her rescindin uv the ratifi- 
cashen. Addishnel resolooshens wuz passed, demandin uv the Legislacher 
uv Noo York a strlkly DImokratic government. "We Insisted upon the 
Immejit repeel uv the Excise law, the Metropolitan Poleece laws, the laws 
preventin crooelty to animals, the health laws, the dividin uv the skool 
fund among the Catholic churches, and all the laws wich tend to keep Ab- 
lishnlsts In offls to the Injoory uv the s'loon keepers uv Noo York. This 
last menshund clause wuz added at my Instance. Ef the poleecemen oni 
this beat wuz all taken from my patrons, ex they will be when the change 
flnelly comes, wat a good thing I wood hev uv It! Imagine twenty or 
thirty men, all on good salaries, and with power to arrest and go through 
jest sich ez they pleese, and all uv 'em spendin half or three-quarters uv 
their time In my bar-room! Majestic prospeck! Governor Hoffman wood 
insist upon hurryin' up this thing ef he realized how much we who elec- 
tid him are losin by his non-ackshen. 

My biznis Is tollable ouiy. My customers are gettln Into a habit uv 
remarkin to me, "Jist mark It down," after takIn a drtnk, wich, sence I 
stand on the Inside uv a bar, I find to be a most disgustin thing. And 
then my custom is bein divided. Sence the Dimocratic vlctry In Novem- 
ber mttk/ta a change tn the control uv the city certin, five stores In the 



f MS Ha&st Li^HTfiiid. yt 

irmsaejlt vicinity uv my place hev bin changed into sToons, and each oim 

draws suthin from me. But yet I make no doubt I she^l git along. My 
landlord will be a candidate for Alderman next spring, and he can't afford 
to bother me much for rent, and I am busy establishin a credit at a half- 
dozen wholesale likker stores. I shel worry along. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
(wich wuz Postmaster.) 

ANOTHER LETTER FROM CONFEDERATE X ROADS. 

Harp uv Erin S'loon, 
^ 6th Ward, Noo York, Feb. 27, 1870. 

r The followin letter wuz reseeved yesterday from that long sufferin old 
taint, Deekin Pogram: 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(which is in the state uv Kentucky), 
February 20, 1870. 
My Dear Nasby: — Wunst more hev I come to greef, wich is wat I hev 
tin doin with wonderful regularity ever sence yoo left this part uv the 
iieritage. The afflictin circumstances is ez follows: 

You remember wat an eggscitement the ackshen uv Ohio on 15th 
Amendment perdoosed In Kentucky. Here wuz two states contiguous to 
each other, the same river lavin both uv their banks, one on one side and 
'rother on the 'tother— and which wuz connected by other holy and tender 
\Ves and sich — and one of these states had gone and ratified an Amend- 
>«ent which placed the niggers uv 'tother state on a level with her white 
MJtizens. Uv course Kentucky wuz Indignant, and no part of It more so 
man the Cross Roads. Otir citizens biled over when they got the news, and 
tv£ we alluz do when we effervess, we called a meetin. 

I need not say that we missed yoo. We hev never hed a competent 
iJialrman sence yoo left us, and consekently our biznis goes slip-shod. But 
«fter speeches by myself, Capt. McPelter, Bascom and t)thers, we finally 
passed the followin resolushens: 

Wareas, Our sister state uv Ohio whose banks are laved by the same 
fiver wich laves the banks uv Kentucky, hez degradid herself by ele\atin 
the nigger to a level with her white citizens, and 

Wareas, By this ackshen Ohio he£: assistid to degrade the white citi- 
zens uv Kentucky, by forcin them onto a level with niggers, and 

Wareas, Kentucky hez alluz contribbited uv her means to support Ohio 
A)y buyin uv her goods and sich; and ' 

Wareas, Kentucky hez self-respect, therefore be It 

Resolved, That Kentucky to assert her self-respect declares that hence- 
forth and forever, she will never hev intercourse with Ohio, in any shape 
either ez buyer or seller. 

The wareases and resolooshens wuz pa.ssed with more enthoosiasm 
than I ever saw manifested. The aujence riz ez one man, and cheered 
vociferously. O, how I wisht that that cLeer cood hev reached Cincinnati! 
How the bloatid merchant princes uv that aristocratic, city wood hev 
(j\iaked hed they heard It! 

To give the ackshen doo effect, McPelter, Bascom and myself wuz ap- 
plnted a committee to go personally to present the wareases and resoloo- 
Bhens to the merchants uv Cincinnati, each delegate bein empowered by 
the convenshun to pay his own persnel, and sich other, expenses ez he 
mite contract. 



"Go!" said Issaker Qavltt; "go, and be the horn wlchTl batter down 

the walls uv that Ablishen Jericho!" 

"Go!" sed all the rest, "and return to tell us how ther cheeks blanched 
ez yoo red to em their doom!" 

We went, with the proceedins of the meetin neatly written. Ez we 
approached Cincinnati McPelter's heart softened towards her. •'Perhaps,*' 
he sed, "we're too severe. Shel we hold all uv Cincinnati 'sponsible for 
the ackshen uv a porshen uv her citizens? Shel we hold Cincinnati 'spon- 
sible for the ackshun uv the State? There are Dimocrats in Cincin- 
nati— shel we crush them with the others? Shel the Innocent suffer with 
the gruilty?'» 

I was disposed to side with McPelter, but Bascom wuz Inflexible. He 
wood never go back an inch. This Insult wuz put upon Kentucky by Ohio, 
and Cincinnati wuz the commershel capital uv Southern Ohio, and the only 
«vay to reech Ohio wuz to crush Cincinnati. The thunderbolt we had in 
our pockit must fall in Cincinnati, no matter who it crushed. Ef the 
Dimocrats in that city don't want to be crushed, let em git out. 

McPelter yeelded with a sigh, and we entered the city, Bascom emllin 
a grim smile ez he put his foot on its pavements. 

"Reel estate will be cheaper here to-morrow!" he remarked, glancln at 
the buildins on either side uv the street. "I may possibly conclood to in- 
vest to some extent myself. When Kentucky refooses to trade with Cin- 
cinnati, its days Is numbered. We'll buy it up and re-popilate It with 
Kentuckians." 

The next momin we commenst our work. 

"We will begin," sed Bascom, "on the likker merchants, they beln 
more intimitly connectld with us. We'll crush the likker merchants first 
by refoosin to trade with em, from this time out." And we en- 
tered the first rectifyin establishment we come to. We didn't 
go very far Into it. The proprietor advanced to meet us— Bas- 
com glanced at him— he glanced at Bascom— the proprietor turned red, 
Bascom turned ez white as a sheet, and darted for the door, McPelter and 
I follerin soot, without knowin precisely wat for. Down the 
street we rushed. the proorietor close behind us, till 
Anally by dartin down an alley we elooded him and leaned up agin 
a wall to breathe. 

"Why this foot-race?" I askt uv Bascom. 

"I owe this cuss a bill for likker bought the year afore the war," re- 
turned he. "I didn't notis his name over the door or I shoodn't hev 
gone in." 

McPelter whissled a long, low, soft whissle, and I coodent avoid thlnk- 
fn uv several things connected with our mishun ez he spoke them words. 

After breathin ourselves, we resoomed our raid onto the merchants. 
We entered another store, a boot and shoe concern, wich we perpoosed to 
crush by declinin to buy uv it. McPelter's eye rested onto the propri* 
(itor, and he glided out uv the store like a startled fawn. Uv course Bas- 
<;om and I foUered, and the proprietor after us. There wuz another Thase, 
und more dodgin, wich resultld ez before. 

"Why is this?" I asked uv McPelter. 

"When I bustid in the boot and shoe trade, two yeers ago, this villain 
wuz my principal creditor. He thought I wuz dead, but ez he's seen me 
In the flesh, I shel never agin hev any peece." 

Th» next place w« essayed wuz a genral dry goods store and noshem 



Tax >iASBY LfiTTE&fi. 149 

hcmse. Jist ez we pulled the resolooshen from our pockit to read It to the 
proprietor uv the store perdoosed a note uv Elder Gavitt (Issaker's father), 
on wich I wuz bail, and we tried to dust out uv that place. But by this 
time Bascom and McPelter's men hed found out wher we wuz, with a 
skore or more uv others who hed heerd uv our bein in the city thro thest, 
and the thing got so hot that we hed to run for it, and run we did. Fearin 
all sorts uv legal annoyances about obtainin goods under false pretences, 
et settry, we didn't stop till we hed got well _^out uv the city, and thu 
next day we hailed a boat and sailed for Looisville. 

I can't say that our visit resultid in aceomplishin wat we desired 
We didn't git a chance to read our resolooshen at all, owin to the coopiditj 
uv the merchants who, with a grove lin, mersenary spirit wich I never saw 
ekalled, appeared to be more anxious to git wot we already owed em thar. 
to listen to rseoloshens declinin to trade with em, or to open new account*? 
and Cincinnati don't know t6 this day the doom wich hung over her. 

We sed very little uv the result uv our trip on our return. MoPeltev. 
did intimate that radicalism hed reseeved a stunnin blow from wich 11 
wood never recover, but we declined to go into pertikelers. I shel never 
go on sich a mishun agin. Is there an openin for me too In Noo York? 
I'm weary uv life here. Faithfully, 

ELIJER POGRAM. 

Blessed Saint! Almost marterl Hed he bin arrested in Cincinnati for 
obtainin goods under false pretences, and hed he died In a Basteel, wat 
a fittin climax to a life so crowned with beauties! And hed he so died my 
debt to him wood hev bin cancelled. But we can't expect to hev every- 
thing arranged to soot us. I shall write the aged saint a letter uv con 
gratulashen on his happy escape. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBT, 
(wich wuz P. M.) 

THE PKOCLAMATION OF THE FIFTEENTH AMENDMENT. 

Harp uv Erin S'loon, 6th Ward, 
Noo York, April 2, 1870. 

The proclamation uv the President announcin the ratification uv thfi 
Fifteenth Amendment perdoosed a profound sensation in this Ward. 

It wuz told to our people by a reporter uv a daily paper at 11 o'clock 
this mornin, and it got pretty well around among us by 3 this afternoon, 
wich wuz tollably rapid, considerin that intelligence in this Ward hez to bi 
conveyed orally. In the afternoon it was resolved that a meetin be hell 
in the evenin to consult ez to wat ackshen the Dimocrisy shood tak > 
ip the matter, wich wuz akkordingly so done. I hed the 
back room lit up, the barrels moved into a safe place, un- 
der the strongest kind uv locks, and the bar closed, and draped 
in mournin in token uv the hoomiliashen wich I felt 
had fallen onto the people in consekence uv this outrage. 
I hung crape unto the door; I put crape around the portraits 
uv Jaxon, Chief Justis Chase, Bookannon and Fernandy Wood, and like- 
wise around the bottles and over the red-headed barrel, wich gave the 
establishment a highly funereal and mournful look, wich wuz entirely 
satisfactory. 

In the tvenin the Dimocracy assembled, and a more enraged gatherln 
I never saw. They wuzn't jist clear as to wat the President hed 



150 Thx Nasbt Livriss. 

done; Indeed the most uv em wuz labrln under the f^ 
preshn that the enfranchisement uv the nigger wuz the work uv the 
Democratic Legislacher at Albany^ and ther wuz indicashens uv a deter- 
minashert to go thro some of the houses uv the Dimocratic members in 
this city, but I stopt em by tellin em the strate uv it. 

I asoomed the chair, uv course, and hed, in addishen, to do the dooties 
uv Sekretary, bein the only one then in the meetin who cood write. 

Teddy McGinnis remrked that he felt a hoomiliashen wich wuz actoo- 
ally beyond expreshen. The dirty nagur wuz now his ekal. The only dif- 
ference between em hed bin removed by this infamus law. Does any one 
spose that he'd iver consint to vote all day beside niggers? Niver! He 
called upon the Dimocracy to jine in a croosade agin em. "Follow me," 
sed Teddy, "and in Noo Yorrick, at least, we won't be bothered with nagrur 
suffrage, be gorra." 

Pat McLaughlin held simlar views. Sooner than vote beside nagurs 
he'd relinquish the bisnis uv votin altogether, and go to sawin wood. Re- 
peetin is a good enough biznis, and the small conthract wich he hed ez a re- 
ward therefor wuz better, but he coodent stand nagurs, nor woodent 
His voice wuz for killin uv em. 

The others made similar speeches when Sandy McGulre offered a reso- 
looshen that the offerin uv a vote by a nagur be considered ez a declar. 
ashen uv war agin the Democracy uv Noo York, and that they then b* 
Immegitly be exterminated. Sandy wuz for no half-way measures. He re- 
membered the glorious Jooly days in 1863, when the Democracy uv Noc 
York asserted itself. He hed assisted in destroyin the nagur orphan asy 
lum; with this good rite hand he had beat out the brains uv two nagurs, 
to say nothin uv the wimin and children wich he didn't consider wortli 
countin. He longed to git at em agin. 

The meetin be all so yoonanimus in their feelin, I wrote the folleri^. 
resolooshens: 

Resolved, That the Dimocrlsy uv Noo York considerin and beleevlft, 
the nigger to be a beast, a burlesk on hoomanity and incapable of dia 
chargin any uv the dooties uv citizenship, do hereby protest agin his beil * 
give the ballot on a ekality with white men. 

Resolved, That the Dimocrlsy uv Noo York ruther than submit to thi-i 
degredashen pledges itself to the exterminashen uv the accussid race. 

The resolooshens wuz adoptid without a dissentin voice, and the en- 
thoosiastic McGuire, brandishin his shillala, rusht out and attackt a couple 
uv niggers wich wuz passin, and knockin em down, stamped onto em 
vigrously with his boots, exclaimin the while, "Want to vote, do yez?" 

The meetin wuz about to break up, when Tim O' Grady, a man uv 
Fernandy Wood's, come rushln In. He hed heard uv the meetin, and come 
immejitly to see about It. I told him in a breath wat hed bin done. 
"Thunder!" he remarkt to me In a whisper, "this won't do. Yoo eggrejis 
old ass, the niggers hev votes, and will vote now in spite uv us. We must 
git em, for without em, with all the rebels disfranchised, wat kin we do in 
the Southern States? Call the meetin to order agin." 

I didn't like the tone uv his alloosion to me, but I called the meetin 
to order onct more. 

O'Grady remarked to em that there hed bin a misunderstandln. He 
felt ashoored that the Dimocrlsy uv Noo York, alluz the friends uv th« 
oppressed and down trodden, wood now genrously extend a helpin hand to 
©or colored brethren Jlst elevated to full citizenship. The Dimocrlsy hea 



The JNasbt Letters. ISl 

not assisted fn their elevashen, but they hed no feelin agin our brethren 
uv color. When our colored brethren come to analyze the matter they 
wood love the Dimocrisy the more for not doin uv it. He wood move the 
Bubstitooshen uv the follerin resolooshen for the one wich hed bin unad- 
visedly passed: 

Resolved, That the Democrisy uv Noo York hall with a feelin uv 
pleasure wlch we hev no words to express, the elevashen uv our colored 
fellow-citizens to full citizenship, and that we pledge ourselves to pertect 
em in the enjoyment uv their newly found rites. 

The meetin didn't want to pass it. The feelin agin em wuz too deep 
«ot to be rooted out In a minit, but O'Grady wuz determined. O wat a 
«iinit wuz that! Wuz the niggers to be killed by us, or wuz they to be 
taken to our buzzums? Ther fate hung tremblin in the balance. Finally 
It wuz put to vote, and the niggers wuz safe. By one majority the resolu- 
■hen wuz passed. 

At that minit a groan wuz heard outside. 

"What is that?" asked O'Grady. 

"Some nagurs I jist now bate!" remarks McGulre. 

"Beatfai niggers!" sed O'Grady. "Good Lord! bring em Inr 

And he rushed out and brought In the two unfortunates. They were 
f.>adly banged up about the face, and breast, and stumick, and legs, but 
O'Grady wuz ekal to the emergency. He washed their wounds and re- 
vived em with whiskey, and bound up ther sores, and finally sot em on 
ther feet. 

"McGulre!" sed he, when he hed the work finished, "McGuire, embrace 
«m." 

McGulre hed his shillala In his hand. Never did I see a man so torn 
««rlth tender emoshens. Nateral instinks impelled him to drop that shillala 
vn their beds ez usual, but politikle considerashens restraned him. Twiet 
«nder O'Grady's eye he lowered it, until at last he dropt it, and fell sob- 
^)in with emoshen onto their buzzums. 

I took the crape off the door, bottles and picters, and Immejitly illoo- 
minated In honor uv the event, and the next mornin I put up a placard on 
my door, "No distinkshen at this bar on account uv color. Ekal rites!" 

The ward committee is takin prompt and vigerous ackshen to sekoor 
this vote. They hev adoptid the same means they yoose to control ther 
other vote. They hev already startld ten s'loons. run by colored men, to 
wlch they give all the profits, and are arrangin for ten more. There will 
be a nigger or two put onto the police to wunst. The force will be In- 
creased enufC to make room for these new ones, ez we darsn't discharge 
any uv the Irish. I'm goin for em also. Those wich I kin git to drink my 
llkker will vote my tikket. It will fetch em sure. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY. 
(wich wuz Postmaster.) 

THE CHINESE QUESTION CONSIDEEED. 

Harp of Erin S'loon, 

Sixth Ward, New York, July 6th, 1870. 

I saw In a noosepaper that seventy-five Chinese hed located theirselves 

In North Adams, Massychoosits, and therein I saw a gleem uv lite for 

the Dimocrisy. Here, sed I to myself, is rlchnls! Here is wat will wunst 

n ore fire the Democratic heart and rouse Dimokratic Indignation. The 



la^ The Kasbv Letters. 

DImocrlsy must alluz hev an inferior race, and now that we've lost the 
nigger, Providence steps in at the nick uv time and furnishes us the China- 
man. 

I sought out the Diniocratic Central committee uv our ward, and 
called a meetin uv "all labrin Amerikans uv the 6th Ward opposed to the 
Interduckshen uv forin pauper labor into Ameriky." Teddy O'Ryan, 
wich runs the Shamrock S'loon next door to mine, and Dennis O'Shaugh- 
nessy, and Pat O'Flynn, and Jemmy O'Fallon, and Terrence McCoole, and 
Jemmy O'Brien, all uv em runnin S'loons in the block the Harp uv Erin is 
located in, entered into the matter with sperit. We're rivals in biznis, but, 
thank Heaven, In politics we kin act together ez a unit. Our interests are 
Identikle. 

We tried to git some shoemakers and brick masons and eich to at- 
tend the meetin, but they all insistid they wuz too bizzy. 

In the evenin the meetin wuz convened in the back room uv the Harp 
uv Erin, Teddy O'Ryan in the chair, and Dennis O'Shaughnessy (bar ten- 
der for Pat O'Keefe), secretary. A committee on resolutions wuz appoint- 
ed, consisting uv Jemmy O'Fallon, Patsey McShane, and Jimmy Sheeney. 

The chairman remarkt that the comin uv the barbarious Chinese to 
the Eastern States hed filled him with profound alarm. Ez a labrin man 
he soUumly protested agin bringin forin pauper labor to these happy shores 
to compete with us. With all his sole he protested agin this importashun 
uv poverty-driven furriners to Ameriky. He hoped the meetin wood do 
its dooty in this matter. He wood interdooce to the meetin Mr. Jean 
Jacques La Tourette, a gentleman uv North Adams, Massychoosets, 
where this outrage agin Amerikin labor wuz bein perpetrated. 

Mr. La Tourette riz and address t the meetin in French, ez he coodent 
speak English, he hevin bin In this country only ten months. We pro- 
coored a Frenchman who cood speek English, who translat- 
ed him for our benefit. Mr. La Tourette ren.arkt that 
the principal thing labrin men hed to contend with wuz Importid pauper 
labor. The Chinese wich hed bin adventid in North Adams wuz a inferior 
race wich cood live on nothin, and cood consekently work for nothin. They 
hed none uv the habits and tastes uv civilization. They did not drink 
likker; in fact one uv em, Ching Choy, didn't know what likker wuz. (Ex- 
preshun uv disgust from the entire assembly.) One hundred uv his people 
hed bin indoost ten months ago to come to the Yoonitid States from Low- 
er Canady by the promise uv ekal rites. Them wich emigrated w^ith him 
from Lower Canady hedn't anythin in partikeler to eat in that country 
and still less to wear; in fact half uv em wuz bein supportid by the parish 
authorities. We come to the Yoonitid States, the manufacturers p^yiig- 
our fare on the railroads, expectin to find a land uv good wages and plen- 
ty. Wat hez bin the result? Why Jest ez we hed all Jined the Crispins, 
and established who shood and who ahood not labor in North Adams, and 
likewise wat wages shood be paid, and how they shood be paid, but before 
we got control uv the books uv the concern, we are confronted with forrin 
pauper labor brought from a forrin shore, and we are out in the cold. Mr. 
La Tourette remarked that v/hen he sed "we" he spoke uv his a.ssociates. 
He didn't labor hisself— he wuz a friend of humanity, whose biznis it wuz 
to organize laborin men agin the encroachments uv capital. 

Dennis O'Shaughne-j.v. our «ekretaiy wanted to kno\r wat wages wux 
paid tnem Ignerant Chinese. 

Mr. La Tourette ansered about 2S cents a day, wicn anser, ez ft wua 



Thj; JNasby LxTTS&a. m\ 

considered essenshel to put on record, I wrote down, ez Mr. O'Shaughnes 
Bey's early educashen hed bin neglected. • XjOvXi Lord!" ejackllated Teddy 
Ryan, "that's only two drinks and a fifth! We want no sich labor ez that.' 

Fqither McGrath, after glvin notice that next Sunday a beautiful ^.t 
image of St. Boniface, wich hed bin presentid his church, wood be 
displayed for the adorashen uv the devout, demanded that the most strln- 
gentest laws should be passed preventin tlie immigrashen to this country 
uv heathen and idolators. He bleeved in religious tolerashen, but the 
Uee uv a Joss-house being erectid In Noo York filled him with alarm, and 
he wood prevent it by all the i>ower uv the law. 

Jemmy O'Fallon reportid the followin resolooshens: 

! Wereas, Certain blotid aristocrats In Massychoosits hev Importld Ig- 

\ nerant and degraded Chinese to take the place uv the labrers In that 
wtate, and 

Wereas, The leaders \iv the Dimocrisy uv Noo York Is the espeshl 
: (jhampions uv labor, therefore by the leaders uv the Dimocrasy uv Noo 
I "fork be it 

Resolved, Th'at the Dimocrisy hez alluz held that free labor Is the safe- 
^ruard uv Amerikin liberty, 'ceptin South uv Mason & Dixon's line, wher 
It hez alluz seemed to us that labor shood be owned by the most dominant- 
ust class. 

Resolved, That the importashen uv forrin pauper labor into Massychoo- 
'lits Is an invashen uv the rites uv the Amerikin labrin class, 
. ivrich shood be resistid to the death. (Cries uv "Good for yez. Jemmy'"' 
•••Bedad we'll all vote for thot!" "Let Jemmy O'Fallon alone for puttin a 
thing nately!" And under the excitement uv the moment the assemblage 
all jined in singin "The wearin uv the Green," ceptin La Tourette, who 
bust out into the Marseillaise hymn.) 

Resolved, That to the end that labor in this country may be free and 
unrestrictid, we counsel our friends In North Adams to imejitly kill all the 
Chinese, and all others who consents to work with em. ' 

Resolved, That Ameriky hez bin the refuge uv the opprest uv all na- 
Bhens, and ez we are determined that it shall alluz be such, we protest 
agin any Chinese comin in on any terms whatever. 

Letters endorsin wat we shood do for the coz uv labor wuz reseeved 
from Hon. John Morrissey, Hon. Benjamin Wood, Hon. Fernandy Wooci 
and other distinguished friends uv labor. 

Patsy McShane commenst a speech on the heenousnis uv Importln pau- 
per labor, wich wood hev hed a good efCeck, blut Johnny McQuade, wicli 
don't like him, interruptid by askin him how long ago It wuz that he and 
all his brothers and cousins wuz taken out uv a work-house in Ireland 
and hed their fare paid to this country by a raleroad company, and wheth- 
er when he landid he hed a decent rag to his back or a cint in his pockit. 
Mr. McShane retorted by wantin to know ef the McQuades, ivery mother's 
son uv em, hedn't bin in the same fix. The argj-ment wuz conclooded by 
the two clinchin, and in a minit the entire assemblage wuz indulgin in ez 
bootiful a fite ez I hev ever seen In Noo York. Nevertheless good wuz ac- 
complisht, ez we hev this labor movement fairly on its feet. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
(wich wuz Postmaster.) 

ME. NASBY LAMENTETH OYER THE ELECTION OF 1870 

kIN NEW YOEK. 
Harp uv Erin S'loon, 
6th Ward, Noo York, November 12, 1870. 
The el'ickshun In Noo York Is over for wich Heaven be praised. My 
eole sinks within me when I looK back and think uv the alarmln pro^efa 



15^ Thjb Kasbt LETTuas. 

our wunst free country hez made In the direckshun uv despotism— how 
gradually but how shoorly our rites are bein wrested from us. The last 
eleckshun in Noo York wuz conducted in a manner wich calls a blush to 
my cheeks whenever I think uv it. 

The tyrant and despot who sit entrenched In state in Washington per- 
tected by bayonits hez persoomed to attempt to control an eleckshun by 
military power. Bayonits at an eleckshun! Bloo coated hirelins sent to a 
city to inflooence an eleckshun! Noo York votin — not ez she pleases — but 
according to a law uv Congress, sed law being enforced by a debased and 
degraded soljery! Ez an Amerikin citizen I shudder at this and so does 
Teddy O'Rourke and Tim O'Shaughnessy, wich wuz judges uv the eleck- 
shun with me in our deestrick in the 6th Ward. 

We hed bin notified by the chiefs uv Tammany the day before the 
eleckshun that soljers hed bin sent to the city whose biznis it wood be to* 
see that everybody voted who wanted to, and that we musn't refoose no- 
boddy. We took our seats in the mornin in a state uv mental depreshun 
wich may be imagined, but can't be described. From time immemoral this 
deestrick hed bin yoonanimusly Dimocratic, and it wuz the pride uv the 
Dimocrisy to keep it so. They hed a simple rool by wich it wuz managed. 
Ef a man offered a vote whose name didn't begin with an O' or a Mc hta 
wuz requested by the challengers to show his tickit to them. Ef he re- 
foosed, or, in the event uv his complying, ef it wuz anything but th<i 
fitrate Tammany ticket, he wuz clubbed about the head till he came to thu 
conclooshun that he didn't care about votin, and got away ez soon e3\ 
possible. 

But all this was to be changed by the exercise uv broot forse on th* 
part uv the tyrant Grant, and we hed bin notified to yield to It! 
O'Shaughnessy and O'Rourke wept like children. There is In the deestrict 
some thirty niggers, and the boys hed procoored clubs uv sooperio.i' 
strength an* length, expressly to meet the exigencies uv that case. Thd 
polls bein at my place, I hed procoored three barrels uv a pecoolyer whis« 
key with red pepper in it to inflame em to the proper pitch for sich an 
emergency, and our other preparashens for a fair eleckshun were mad/Ei 
in a most complete manner. 

We sat behind the ballot-box— me and O'Rourke and O'Shaughnessy, 
Before the box stands Patsy Farrel, Timmy O'Ryan, Jimmy Donahue and a 
score uv others, all with a dozen drinks In em and new clubs in their 
hands. Up comes a man and offers a vote, givin his name ez Thompson. 
Last year the man by the name uv Thompson wood hev bin pounded into 
a Jelly before the word hed escaped his mouth, for he wuz born in Con- 
necticut, and sich hez never bin allowed to vote at these polls. I see by 
the ticket wich he hands me that Its a Republican ticket, Patsey Farrel 
raises his club, but I warn him by a look not to strike. I take the vote, 
put It in the box, with a sinkin sensashun at the pit uv my stomick, and 
Thompson goes away unhurt. The knowledge that the poundin uv Thomp- 
son wood bring down upon us the bloo coted hirelins uv the military des- 
potism under wich we live, subjects the deestrick to the disgrace uv re- 
celvin a Republikin vote from a Connecticut man! Good Lord! are we In 
free Ameriky or Austria? Free Ameiiky, forsooth! 

But it didn't end with Thompson. Niggers came up and voted. The 
Inferior race hed the Impoodence to fall into line with white men, and vote 
after them and before them. This cost us at least one hundred votes. 
Teddy O'Ponnel bed voted twice on a contract he hed to vote eight times 



Thi Nasbt Lettiks. 155 

at this polls. It so happened that each time he came up there wua a nig- 
ger before him in the line, and one behind him. The third time he came up 
to vote the third name on his list, it wuz ez before — he wuz sandwiched 
In between two niggers. Indignant at this (and who Icin blame him?), Ted- 
dy askt me ef this thing wuz to go all day? ef he wuz to be compelled 
to put in his other five votes behind a nigger each time, and be perventid 
all day from killin one uv em? 

I soothed Teddy all I cood. I told him how It wuz— the sltuashen we 
wuz In, and begged him to be pashent and endoor wat he coodent help. 

But he woodent. The chivalric nacher uv the man wuz so stirred up 
that he refoozed to vote agin. Rather than hev him lose his day's work 
I took the five votes at wunst and certified for him that he hed voted eiQ 
ez per contract, that he mite draw his money. I wuz not altogether diji- 
Interested in this either. The entire sum will be in my till in less than a 
week, for Teddy's wife manages to keep the children clothed, wich leavt-a 
him entirely free uv the more grovelin cares uv life. 

But I want it distinctly understood that this interference uv the oli 
gark at Washington didn't affect the general result a par- 
ticle. We didn't count the votes till late at nite, aftej* 
Tweed hed heard from the rural deestricks. A messenger come Into the 
room and announced that everything wuz ready now to be counted. 

"How much majority do you require uv me?" 

"Lemme see," said the messenger, running his finger down a list, "this 
Is the sixteenth districk uv the 6th Ward. You are set down for 312 major- 
ity. Did you pole that number uv votes?" 

"No! only 270, and uv that number probably 40 wuz for Woodford." 

"That don't matter. Count em 312, and all for Hoffman. W"e hev bin 
loosin In some uv the rooral deestricks, and in some uv the wards in the 
city, and it must be made up." 

This is perhaps ez shoor a way uv doin It ez the other, but it isn't ea 
satisfactory to the people. It does away with the services uv a great many 
repeeters, wich hev alluz made a livin by votin, and ez ther ain't no fight- 
In at the polls, a great many shoulder hitters lack employment. Then 
agin, It is open to another objeckshun. We made the vote in this deestrick 
yoonanimus for Hoffman. There hez more than thirty men of the dees- 
trick who hev come out in the papers statin that they voted for Woodford 
with a view uv makin trouble. Uv course, it won't amount to anything 
for we run the courts and everything else in the state, but It's onpleasam; 
and disagreeable. Ef these fellows hed bin knocked on the head when they 
offered their votes, ez hez bin the custom, they wood not be able to say 
now that they actilly voted for Woodford. 

But all this troublB results from the apathy and cowardls uv the 
DImocrisy themselves. Hed we hed the nerve to hev shouldered muskits 
in 1864, and rescood Richmond from the grasp uv the Ablishnists — ef we 
hed establisht the Confederacy ez we shood hev done, we never shood hev 
seen our rites goin from us one by one. But we didn't do it, and we are drift- 
in Into a worse than despotism. In Noo York alone hev we any rites, and 
ihem Is bein assailed perpetooally. I shoodent wonder ef at the next eleck- 
shun a Federal officer shood hev the countin uv the ballots! 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
(wich wuz Postmaster.) 



156 Tax Naamj lutTxs&s, 

MR. NASBY, BISGUSTBD WITH LIFE, LEATES NEW YORK 

FOEEVER. 

Noo York, Dec. 12, 1870 

Hie Harp uv Erin S*loon Is no more! The fire on its harth hez gone 
out — there is ashes there now — the lamp is lit no more, and in the place um 
pleasant lite there is darknis. The bar is closed and the cheerful gurgle \i\ 
the bottles shel be heerd no more forever. 

The owner uv the bildin, Mr. Patrick Donah ..e, in wich the Harp u\ 
Erin S'loon wuz locatid, wuz a candidate for Skool Eggsaminer, and he ex 
pected to get the posishen confidently. He hed bin in this country three 
years last Joon, and hed prospered. The eggstraordinary feet uv votir 
twelve times the first eleckshen he participatid in brought him into notis 
and gave him a contract for fittin up an armory, on wich he made enufi 
to purchis this bildin. To widen his politikle inflooence and to sekoor a 
place ez Skool Eggsaminer, Mr. Donohoe fitted up the room in wich 1 
started the Harp uv Erin, and leased it to me, reservin to himself the dl- 
reckshun and control uv the voters wich the bar controlled, and also th« 
privilege uv his own likker at cost. So long ez his prospecks wuz brite h^ 
did not ask me for rent, but after the late eleckshun there wuz a change 
Tweed give the place he wanted to another man who hed adoptid thiji 
country sence, who controlled two corner sloons and consekently hed mor« 
inflooence, and the enraged Mr. Donohoe came down on me for rent imme* 
jitly. I coodent pay. Owin to the fact that the tyranicle Federal Goveri> 
ment preventid repeetin at the last eleckshun by broot force, there wnn 
absolootly no money among my people, not a dollar. They hed all de 
pended on receiving their yoosual pay for their fall's work, but their hopea 
wuz blasted. When I shoved my bills at em, they laft me to skorn. 

"Present it to the tyrant Grant wich preventid me from earnin any 
money on last eleckshun day!" wuz the invariable reply. 

Then I flew to my books, to see wat prominent workin Dimocrats owed 
me besides those wich I hed seen. I took my memorandum and called off 
the names, and my assistant, wich knows everybody, informed me uv 
their whereabouts as follows: 

"Patsey McGrath?" 

"In the State's Prison.- 

"Dinnis McFadden?" 

"He's in the State's Prlsoa.** 

"Peter McGinnis?" * ' ' 

"In the State's Prison.** 

"Timmy McShane?" x' 

"In the State's Prison.** 

"Tom Barker?" 

"Bein tried for a State's Prison offence." 

And so on through the entire list. The half of these men were servln 
out their time for various offences, sich az house-breakin and highway 
robbery, and tother half, I ascertained, for violashens uv eleckshun laws. 
That last fact decided me that Noo York wuz no place for me, and that 
there wuz nothin worth livin for. Wnen Tammany can't, or won't per- 
tect its friends, I hev no heart to stay and work for her. 

While in this deprest condishun Donahue come in agria. 

**Pay yoor rent!" sez he. 

'TN^se is the slave wich pays," X retort©*. 



fm Kasby LtTtzu. 157» 

•^ao hev the rent wich Is doo me ready by to-morrow momln, or I'll 
bundle yoo out of this, neck and crop!" he returned, flingin hisself out ur 
the room in rage. 

"Ha! Ha!" I laffed, sardonically. "Will yoo bundle me out— will yoo? 
This property is yoors— this bar and these fixters. Ha! ha! Yoo come to- 
morrer mornin, and see wat yoo will see." 

My mind wuz very promptly made up. I determined to make a holo- 
cost UY myself— to commit sooiclde — and to do it in sich a way as to make 
my endin more glorious than my life had been. I determined to burn the 
bildin and expire in the flames. Calmly and deliberately I proceeded to 
construct my funeral pile. The counter and shelves I tore 
down and broke them up ez fine ez I cood, and piled 
the fragments into the middle in the floor. I took from the wall my 
lithograffed portrates uv Andru Jackson, J. Davis, Salmon P. Chase and 
Geo. H. Pendleton, and remorselessly mashed them over the pile. 
The five glasses belongin to the establishment followed soot, 
and the three decanters and the box uv pipes were 
involved in the gineral rooin. The stove I upset and broke, and the pipe 
I mashed ez flat ez I cood with my heels. To complete the pyramid, I 
rolled out the red-headed barel from under the bar, and up-ended that 
upon the top uv the pile uv rooins, my intenshun bein to seat myself on 
the top uv the barrel, and settin the pie on fire, go up amid appropriate 
Burroundins, like Sardonapulis, who died amid the blaze uv the emblems uv 
his lost empire. 

Ez I rolled the barrel, I heerd a gentle swash Inside. Thank Heaven! 
there wuz still likker inside uv it! Cood I lose that? No, Indeed! I drawd 
it off into a bottle; there wuz just a quart and a half uv it. I mounted 
the barrel, sung two verses uv the last campane song ez my dyin dirge, and 
puttin the bottle to my lips, swallered the contents, Intendin to touch off 
the pile with a match. 

It wuz fortunate for the insurance companies that that bottle con- 
tained jest a quart and a half. That quantity is jest a pint over my load, 
and to that fact the bildin owes its safety. I tried to strike a match, 
but failed miserably. I lost control uv my muscles. My brained reeled, 
my unsteddy hand grew powerless, and I sank back over the rooins insen- 
sible. 

I wuz awakened In the mornin, by a series uv vlshus, vlgmis and well 
dlrectid kicks. M. Donohue stood over me admlnisterin uv em, with a will 
and a unckshen that wuz wonderful in one so aged. He hed suspected 
that suthin wuz wrong; hed bustid In the door, and hed found me on top 
uv his wreckt property. I respectid his greef, and left his premises without 
reproachin uv him — I did not even resent his last kick wich he gave me 
to assist me off the doorstep. I simply picked myself up out uv the gutter 
and walked slowly and with dignity away. 

I shel work my way back to Kentucky; Indeed I never shood hev left 
there. I shel throw myself on the tender mercies uv Deekin Pogram and 
Bascom, and ef they refooze to take me to their buzzoms, I shell find me 
another Cross Roads where I shel set up my tabernacle. Ef I kin git a 
strate Dlmocratlc congregashen to preach to, I shel do it, for I prefer the 
clerical perfeshen; ef not, I shel start a grocery In some strictly Democra- 
tic community where the soil is strong and rich enuff to perdoose good 
a*ops without any work but plantin, wich the wimln can do. 



"1^8 d^HK KaSBY LeTTMS. 

I leeye Noo York forever. I bid Tweed and his servia adoo. I go 
never te return no more. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBT, 
(wich wuz Postmaster.) 

ME. NASBY EETURNS TO THE CORNERS. 

, - Confedrit X Roads, 

(Wich Is in the State uv Kentucky), 
January 8th, 1871. 

"Home again! home again! from a furrin shore!" Thank Hevin. Tm 
wunst more on familyer ground— among the people wich I know thoroly, 
and who know and appresiate me. "My foot is on my native heath, and 
my name's McGregor!" Thank the Lord for Kentucky, and pertikelerly 
thank the Lord for that pertikeler village in it— Confedrit X Roads! 

I arrived here last night at percisely eight o'clock, from Washinton 
Rite here I desire to express my opinion uv the railroad ofRshels betwixl 
Washinton and Looisv.ille. There isn't a man among em wich is actoo. 
a ted by humane impulses — not one wich has the finer feelings uv human. 
Ity. The brootality with wich the conducters wood order two uv ther min» 
yuns to seeze me and drop me off ther tranes becoz I didn't 
have the rekisit funds to pay my fare, wuz hid jus In 
tfie extreem. And I can't say much more for the passengers — pertike- 
lorly them wich sat in seets contiguous. The irate conductor would 
frown — the brakemen ez they seezed me wood wear a pleased expression, 
but the passengers wood laff ou trite. Sich triflin with one's poverty ia 
inhuman. But the soulless corporashens coodent pervent me from walkin 
on ther tracks— nor cood the conductors git me off ther train till I hed 
rid a haff dozen miles. Joodishus and vehement swearin that I hed a tic- 
kit about me somewhere — and a protracted search for it wunst saved me 
■\ miles uv tejus walkin. 

Foot sore and weary I at last hove in site uv the Cross Roads, and 
made all speed for the Centre. All wuz still! The houses on each side uv 
the street wuz dark (for they won't yoose coal oil and sense they hev 
bin bereft uv ther niggers they hevn't raised hogs enuff to afford lard for 
lamps), but jist ahed, shinin like a beekon lite, wuz the cheerful winders uv 
IBascom's, all ablaze. Ez I seed them winders I cood realize the feelins 
uv the tempest-tost mariner makin harbor, or a traveler on the great desert 
approachin an oasis In wich ther wuz a gushin spring uv water. 

It was Bascom's! Ther wuz the two winders all aglow! ther wuz the 
familyer clap-board a hangin by one nail! there wuz old Evans a bein 
histed out becoz he took a drink without havin the money to pay for it. 
Everythin wuz nateral and normal. N^erer! neerer! I cood gaze thro them 
winders! Ther wuz Bascom behind the bar a leenin on his elbows; there 
was Deekin Pogram a sittin on a cheer by the fire with a glass uv hot 
whiskey in his hand— ther wuz McPelter, Issaker Gavitt, ;Pennibacker— 
all, all uv em a sittin by the fire, and all of em with hot whiskey in ther 
hands. I entered, but none uv em recognized in the travel-worn stranger 
the once rosy Nasby, and none uv em moved. 

"Don't yoo know me — Nasby?" 

"Git out, yoo imposter!" sed they all in korious. 

"It is— no, it isn't— and yet!" sed Bascom, "I'll test him. Whisky, dl^ 
yoo say?" and he set out the familyer bottle. 

It wuz A critikte moment— my Identity wuz at stake. Assoomin the 



blank old expression, I poured the glass full, and drank it off without a 
wink. "G. W.," sed I with my old majestic wave uv the hand, "G. W.. 
mark It down." 

•* 'Tia he! 'tis he!" ejackilated Bascom. "No other man livin kin do 
that in that way. Take another.** 

WIch I did. 

The delite uv Deekln Po^ram at see In me wuz techin. The old man 
throwd his wasted arms about my neck, spillin his likker down my back 
Inside uv wher my shirt collar ought to hev bin, and wep for joy. 'rtie 
Stream uv hot whiskey meandered slowly down my body. "I wood prefer 
It shood ffo down Inside," I sed; "but never mind. It's not all wastid— I 
tthell absorb some uv it." Kernel McPelter, Elder Pennibacker and Issaker 
"Wavltt crowded up and congratulatid me on my return in the most corjel 
i-nanner. 

"We knowd yood come back!" sed Issaker, "no one ever leaves the 
'^ross Roa^s wlch don't come back." 

I "Troo! too troo!" remarkt that cuss, Joe Bigler, who entered at that 
moment; "the man wich lives six years with sich ez yoo, and acquires 
i/o«r habits, can't live anywhere else, that Is within the bounds uv civiliza- 
Mhen.** 

I found things at the Comers very much ez I hed left em. My pertik- 
l*r frtends wtiz all llvin, and goin on percisely ez they alluz hed. Joe Big- 
l«r wuz still alive, and wuz recognized ez the leader uv the niggers at the 
^omers, and Pollock wuz still retailin goods to em. 

K They hed hed several exciting seasons. Pollock hed bought, a year 
^go, a water power on Buck Creek, neer the village, and a farm adjinin, 
♦nd he made a strenuous effort to start an Iron works on It. The Innovatin 
♦wretch hed gone on to Massychoosits— hed enlisted a passel of Yankee 
i^apitallsts in the enterprise, and they hed abslootly gone on and built 
'fie buildin and got In the heft uv the machinery, and wuz gatherin up 
operatives In the East to set it in operashon. Issaker Gavitt diskivered 
«ne day that the few mechanics they hed read noosepapers, and Bascom 
found that there wuzn't a Dlmocrat among them. The Corners felt out- 
li'aged uv course and a meetin wuz called to take measures to stop it rite 
vher It wuz. Pollock and Joe Bigler sneaked Into the meetin, and under- 
took to talk em out uv It. 

"It'll double the price uv yoor land!" sed Pollock. 

"And give the Ablishnists more valuashen to tax us on!" sung out Issa- 
ker Gavitt. 

•*I shel never leeve my land — " commenst Pogram. 

"It's leevln yoo devlish fast, owin to yoor chronic thirst," Interrupted 
Joe Bigler. "Deekin, wats the yoose uv yoor speekin in the land inter- 
est? Ef yoor venerable bilers hold together a few short months Bascom 
Will hev wat few akers yoo hev left. Let him represent It." 

"Ez I shel never leeve my land," continyood the venerable Deekin, "wat 
to I keer wat its vallyoo is?" 

"It'll break up our customs," sed Pennibacker. "They'll git turnpikes 
and ralerodes and skool-houses in next, and then wat quiet will we hev?" 

"But, Bascom, it'll make more customers for yoor bar," sung out 
Blglec 

"Troo, but ther*d be more groceries to supply em. No! I hev all that 
[ Un take keer uv, and I don't want no more. Down with these inter- 



IfiO The Kasbt Let^jbes. 

"Down with the Interlopers!** sang out all uv em, and headed by ihi 
venerable old Pogram tliey went for the works. 

They hacked down the corner-posts— they tore off the roof, they rlppec 
out the machinery that wnz in it, and broke it up, and wuz about to throv 
it into the Creek, when Baseom shouted in a loud voice: 

"Old iron is worth two cents a pound at my bar!" 
Deekin Pogram stood with a seckshun uv a wheel uplifted ready U 
hurl it into the water, but at these magic words he held his hands. 

"G. W.," said the agid saint. *'G, W., will yoo give us likker at regla 
rates for sich iron ez we bring yoo, or will yoo mock our yernins by takii 
the Iron and givin us credit for it on account? G. W., speak!" 

"I'll give likker for it!" exclaimed Baseom. "I'd rather do that thai 
to keep on chargin." 

"Immejitly there wuz a scramble for the iron — it wood buy likker, an< 
wuz at wunst a preshus metal. In ther zeal to gather it they come t' 
blows. Issaker Gavitt and Kernel McPelter fought over a piece tha 
weighed ten pounds, and that old ass. Elder Pennebacker, neerly drowndil 
hisself divln for a seckshun uv a balance wheel that he hed previousl: 
thrwed Into 15 feet uv water. He wuz pulled out neerly dead and weepi: 
perfusely. 

"It weighed 300 pounds," he gasped. "Ef I cood hev raised It, I coO' 
hev kep comfable four days.** 

They laft at him, but it wuz wrong, and hed I bin there I shood hev re 
booked em. I know wat it is to go without any reglar rashens, and wat 
cruel disappointment it Is to see four days* supply within sight, but jes 
out of reach. I shood hev gone for that iron myself. 

They made a clean thing of the works. They tore down the bildin, an 
tr:>re up the dam, and destroyed the cabins uv the workmen. The compan 
and Pollock became disheartened, and wisely conclooded not to rebild, an 
so the Corners wuz saved. 

The Radicals hed attempted to hev the niggers vote and a mishnary sc 
siety hed undertook to bild a skool-house. The niggers did vote, for Jo 
Bigler stood at the poles threatenin to shoot the Judges ef the vote uv 
single one uv em wuz refoosed, but it didn't amount to anything. Th 
judges took the box ta a quiet place, where Joe coodn't get at em, an 
threw out every one uv ther votes. The skool-house wuz more easily dij 
posed uv. Ez fast ez the mishnaries wood bild a bildin, it wood myster; 
ously take fire at 3 a. m. and quietly consoom. The Sosiety got tired u 
tryin to revolutionize the Corners and abandoned It. 

Ez these things wuz told me, I wept teers uv joy. "Yoo hev kept th 
faith," I sed, "jest ez well ez tho I hed bin with yoo. Bless yoo!— bles 
yoo!" We didn't break up till late in tho nite. In honor uv my arrivj 
Deekin Pogram squandered the last piece uv cast-iron he hed left— a pai 
uv a lathe wich he hed bin savin for some desprit emergency. I wer 
home with him, and am yet domiciled under his hospitable roof. 

"Wat I shel finally do ain't settled. I may organize a church— th 
people wanted me to start a grocery in opposishen to Baseom, but whe 
I askt em to advance the capital they askt wherefore? "Ef I hed capital, 
they all exclaimed in unison, "I'd start a grosery myself." 

And then I found that the reason why they wantid a new groser 
wuz Bascom's growin indishposishen to give long credit, wich the Cornel 
must hev. I kin see nothin in It. Baseom hez alreddy a first mortgage 
all tho land for five miles about, and ez they ain't got no niff^ers to worl 



^ 



The Nasbt LEmma. 



161 



uv course they get no crops uv any akkount. Bascom mz ef they 

want a church organizashen, he will keep me In likker, 
that Is modritly, pervided the others will give me wat little I 
want to eat, and I spose that's wat I she! hev to do till suthin better 
turns up. But thank Heaven I am here, and it will be singler ef I don't 
find enuff to drink, and to eat, and to wear. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M., 
(wich wuz Postmaster). 

THE COENEES ACCEPT THE "PASSIVE POLICY." 

Confedrlt X Roads, 
(Wich Is In the State uv Kentucky), 
November 24, 1871. 

We hev heard uv Ohio, Pennsylvany, Noo York, and a number ur 
other states, at the Corners, and are satisfied that suthin hez got to be done 
I'or the Dimocrisy. The entire yoonanimity with wich the country hez 
vpernounst agin us, is one of the most remarkable things wich ever oc- 
".'urred to me. I endoored Ohio; I stood firm under Pennsylvania, but 
tv'hen Noo York went agin us, I felt that all wuz lost, when the Dimocrisy 
i;v Noo York lose confidence in Tweed to the extent uv jinin hands with 
the Ablishnists. I felt that it wuz uv little difference wat happened there- 
of ter, and I took my drinks mechanically, like one stunned. So dazed 
wuz I that for a week after the elections, I didn't accept invitashuns to 
drink over half the time. 

I notice that the Noo York World and other leadin Dimocratic papers 
ire urgin the policy uv not nominatin a Dimocratic candidate for -president 
in 1872, but uv allowin the Dimocrisy and all the elements wich don't like 
Grant, to yoonite and riln a Independent candidate. I agree with the 
World. I am satisfied that the Dimocrisy kin never elect a Dimocrat In 
1872. It seems clear to me that the indlcashens are that the people don't 
want »o Dimocrat to fill that posishen, and I am content to bow to the 
will uv he people. The Dimocrisy alluz bow cheerfully to the will uv the 
people when ' they can't possibly rebel, and that appears to be our situashen 
jfst now. I therefore accept the passive p'^icy, and am convinst that the 
Dimocrisy shood not, as a party, nominate a candidate for the Presi- 
dency, but shel, to save the country from impendin rooin, relinquish theii- 
party organizashen, and co-operate with sich uv the Republikins ez are dis- 
satisfied with the Administrashen, to overthrow the present tyrannical Ad- 
ministrashen and inoggerate a reign uv purity. My noshen wuz emi- 
nently strategical. It wuz to make a platform, wich sed nothin in per- 
tikeler, and put onto it a man nobody ever heerd uv, and depend for the 
ifucher upon the fact that he hed bin elected by Dimocrats, and wood hev 
o take his tone from them. 

I communicated this idea to the Dimocrisy uv the Corners, and a 
neetin wuz held to give shape to our thought on this subject. I opened 
:he ball by introdoosin the folleren resolooshen: 

Whareas, It seems tolably certin that ef'we. the Dimocrisy shood 
lominate a candidate, he wood, in all human probabilities, be whaled out 
IV his boots, and 

Whareas, While we ought to be somewhat yoosed to the whalin process. 
)y this time, we hev never yet got to likin it, therefore 

Resolved, By the Dimocrisy uv the Confedrit X Roads, that In their 
►pinion, the Dimocrisy uv the Yoonlted States, In a sperlt uv Uberallty, 



1S2 The Nasby LBTTifts. 

I 

and actooated solely by a desire to rescue the ^i^^J^J^^^f^^"^^ ^Sl^*?^^^^^ 
E-er shood decline to make nominashens for the offices uv Presiaent ana 
Vice President but shel jine hands with dissatisfied Republik ns. Labor Re^ 
7ormersr Tlmp^ance min. Civil Service Reformers, and sich other peo-- 
p°e^z object to Radicalism, on the basis, solely, uv opposishen to Radi- 
calism. 

Here the thing shood hev ended. This resolooshen shood hev passed 
and the meetin shood hev adjourned. But Deekin Pogrram hed got a mag- 
got In his head, and he wantid a resolooshen added ez follows: 

Resolved, That the Dimocrisy will not ask for the n/>.^Jj,f ^^^„ "L.'t 
Dimocrat but they must insist that the nominee pledge hisself to undyl ^ 
hSillty to the 14th and 15th amendments, and to all the measures uv n- 
constru^shen, inventid and enforced ^y the Republikm party and ^^^ 
short the entire Radical policy concernin the nigger, from the Emancipa 
shen proclamashen down to date. 

And the idiots passed It yoonanimously, and before the Deekin hed 
sunk into his seat. Bascom, to my horror, moved the adopshen uv th4M 
resolooshen: 

Resolved, That the Dimocrisy will not ask the nominashen uv a Dimo- 
crat but the nominee uv the jint allies must pledge hisself to the repu- 
diashen uv the unholy nashnel debt, and to all the finanshel measure- 
uv^thf^administrashen and that uv the late A. Linkin. Ef is is consider. J 
advisable not to go the whole figger uv repoodiashen, the nominee si «H 
pledge hisself to at least make the debt worthless by adoptin Pendl*. 
ton's greenback dodge or suthin equivalent. 

That wuz adoptid with loud cheers, despite all I cood do. and immejitly 
Capt. McPelter arose. He sed he wuz pleased at the perceedins. The UV 
erality uv the Dimocrisy in surrender derin their organizashen, uv lay in It 
he mite say, on the altar uv their country could not be too highly com 
mended. lie wood sejest, tho, that the nominee, whoever he might bo 
shood be required to pledge hisself to prokoor the repeal uv all Ku Klbti 
legislashen. to never In any way interfere with the whites uv the South t, 
wat they might desire to do, and perlikelerly to hev to wunst the taj 
on whisky and tobacco repeeled. 

There wuz no yoose of try in to stop it and I didn't. Elder Pennibackej 
wuz satisfied to nominate some one not a Dimocrat, but the convenshu/i 
wich nominated him should put him on a platform in wich Free Trade, op- 
position to National Banks, and State Rites shood be the principal 
planks. It wood be a severe trial for him to vote for a man who wuznM 
a Democrat, but on these condishuns he wuz willin to make the sacrifice 
Issaker Gavitt then sprang to his feet and remarkt that he had a wor,i 
to add; we had been in the valley and shadder so long that he wuz willif 
to make a sacrifice uv his feelins. He wood vote for a man who wuz not f 
Democrat, but— on this pint he wuz inflexible— the Post Offices must be ir 
the hands uv Democrats, and not only the Post Offices but the other offices 
("Hear! hear!" from every man In the room who had lent me money, Bas- 
corn's voice being heard above the others.) This wuz his ultimatum. I: 
the nominees of the allied forces will accept the condishuns laid down to 
night, and pledge hisself fully and unreservedly on this pint, he wuz hii 
man. but not otherwise. He wUz not too proud to say that he wantec 
his collectorship back, ez McPelter wants his assessorship. and our belovec 
parson his post office. Without them uv wat avail iz triumphs? Paul maj 
plant and ApoUos may water, but uv wat avail is the plantln and waterti 
unle»» we gei the Incre^iseT . , 



Thi Kasbt Letters. |$9 

I lay back In my seat, gaspln with rage, when Joe Bigler, the especial 
pest uv the Corners, ariz. He remarkt that he hed never in the whole 
course uv his life, seen sich a self-sacrificin body uv men. The spectaclfe 
of a Kentucky Democrat who cood voluntarily perpose to vote for a man 
"Who wuz not a Democrat, wuz one calculated to make saints weep with 
joy and angels shout "glory." He knowd the Dimocrisy uv the country 
wood accept the acksiien, for ef they didn't happen to like the nominee, 
the resolooshen passed, wich the sed nominee wood hev to accept, wood 
klver him like a cloak. It wuz a wise policy, and one wich wood win. 
The 3:'imocrats cood vote for the platform, and the others for the man, 
and so all cood be satisfied. But he v.^uzn't agoin to allow the Dimocriay 
to be so severely tried. Ther wuz but one man in the Yoonitid States fit 
to stand on sich a platform, and he Insisted that that man shood be de- 
clared ez the choice uv this meetin for the nominashen. That man he wuz 
proud to say wuz Jefferson Davis. 

I sprang to my feet to stop this, but It wuz too late. The Cross 
Koads hev bin so long in the habit uv hurrahin at the bare meshun uv 
that name that the wildest shouts rung through the meertin-housie, ana 
when Bigler moved that his resolooshen be added to the others and they 
be adoptid ez a whole, the vote wuz emphatic and yoonanimous. and 
the meeting immediately adjourned. 

It wuz no use to abuse anybody, and I didn't. Wat does Bascom, Ga- 
vitt, Deekin Pogram and McPelter know uv the country outside uv the 
Corners?— wat do they know uv politikle strategy? I did intimate to Joe 
Bigler wat business he hed in a Dimocratic meetin, to wich he replied. 
"Bless you, Parson, I thought it wuz a meetin uv dissatisfied RepublikinN 
ez well ez Dimocrats." 

The resolooshens, Davis and all, will, I suppose, be publisht all over the 
North, wich, uv course, ends my hopes uv a independent party move. 
ment. 

Will it be any better in the Nashnel Independent Convenshun? Kin 
v\'e nominate sich a man ez Chase, for instance, without so kivrin him with 
Dimocrisy ez to make him smell jest ez fragrant ez tho he hed alluz bi)i 
with us? Ain't our party run by Pograms and Bascoms and Gavitts f 
[ fear so. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBT, 
(wich w^z Postmaster.) 

AN APPEAL TO THE PEOPLE. 

Beet Station, 
(Wich Is In the State uv Illinoy), 
October 4, 1S73. 
I hev appealed to the people a great many times in my day, generally 
vith very poor success. The people hev a most disgustin habit of payin 
-.0 attenshun watever to my appeals— in fact, ef they notis them at all, 
t is generally to go and do precisely the opposite uv wat ,1 want 'em to 
lo. But I'm goin for em agin. 

Men and brethren: Only about two weeks elapse afore the eleckshuns 
ake place in several uv the States, and in November the balance uv em 
list their ballots. The question wich I put to yoo is, how are yoo goin to 
iischarge this momenchus dooty? 

I implore yoo ez yoo love yoor country, to restore to power the an- 
hent Democracy, for wich I urge the following reasons: 



164 Thu A'asby llETTEaS. 

1st. The Democratic party is an honest party— that Is so far as thd 
Nashnel Treasury is concerned. Sence 1861 the Democratic party hez 
no robberies uv the Nashnel Treasury to anser for, onless it may be a few 
millions doorin that oasis, Androo Johnson's administrashen. Our hand< 
hev been clean for twelve yeers— and our pockets likewise. Ef yoo asli 
■why our hands are clean — I shel refooze to anser. Ef yoo remark that we 
haint stole nothin coz we didn't hev a chance, I shel pint proudly to th< 
fact that for twelve yeers — ceptin doorin Johnson's administrashen — out 
hands hez bin clean, and shel demand that we be recognized ez the part? 
uv purity, 

2. In the Democratic party ther kin be no starvashen for the want un 
principles. We hev the largest stock uv prinsiples and the most diverse 
that wuz ever offered by any party since parties wuz inventid. We car 
accommodate the most fastidyus and soot any taste. To the farmer ol 
Illinoy and Iowa who Is sufferin frm the extorshen uv railroads, we he\ 
sich sympathisers with labor ez Ignashus Donnelly, and me, who extenc 
our callused hands and jine with em In the name of Dimocrisy In de 
mandin releef from the monopolies wich Is eatin em up. In Noo York anc 
the Eas^, where we are somewat interested in railroads, we offer the peopl 
Vanderbilt, Jay Gould, and me,, who hev no hesitashen in sayin that e? 
railroads is the very foundation uv the prosperity uv the country, he wh 
wood lift his hand agin em Is an agrarian disturber. We offer the farmer 
uv the West free trade with our rite hand, and the maniifacturers u 
Noo England and Pennsylvania, a high protective tariff with our left. W 
accept nigger suffrage in the North, and damn it In the South, doin bot^ 
with a vehemence that sometimes surprizes me. In Noo York we deman' 
addlshnel banks— in the West we want hard money— on the lakes and rlv 
ers we alluz will demand Internal Improvements — on the broad prairies w 
denounce any sIch swindlin uv the people at large to build up " pertiklai 
seckshuns. 

In short, like a second-hand clothin store, we hev an assortment u' 
everything, wich enables everybody to pick out eggsackly wat soots him 

Doth thecapchus critic observe that there is a loosenis in this? Not a 
all, Ef A. B, wants to go to the leglslacher or to be county treasurer It 1 
A. B.'s bizness to ascertane wot the people beleeve, and then perceed t 
immejitly bleeve It hisself. That's wot A. B. wants to do. And that Is wo 
we are a goin td do. We want to go to the legislacher In Ohio to elec 
Thurman to the Senit, and in the other States we want the offises, and th 
fust dooty we owe to ourselves Is to And how to accomplish them ends. 

We can't afford any other polisy. We hev bin eatin grass too long 
We hev bin in the Nebuckednezzer bizness tpo long. We want the oats ani 
corn uv the public crib— we want to hev and hold offises. I want th 
Postoffis at the Corners agin. Capt. McPelter wants to be Assessor, am 
Issaker Gavitt, Collector. Bascom desires this, that once more he kin he- 
money paid him for the likker we drink, insted uv bein compelled to heai 
day after day, the disgustin sound, "chalk it down." Sence we wuz pu 
out uv them places by the tyrant Grant that man's outlay for chalk he 
been fearful. 

The time hez come for a change in the administrashen uv public al 
fairs. We want a complete, sweepin change. We want Reform— that" 
wot we want. Boss Tweed sez so, and so does John Morrissey, Oake; 
Hall and Lew Campbell. We want purity in place— ef yoo don't believe 11 
ask eny one uv the crowd that went cut with Johnson. Doolittle, uv Wti 



The Nasbt Lxttxrs. 165 

cenrfa wants (no more rings. Dick Connolly insists on puttin down cor- 
rupshun, and Donnelly, uv Minnesota, demands that the Augean stables 
Bhel be cleaned. 

Ez for me there must be a chanye In the postofflce at the Comers, 
or our liberties will be endangered. I don't deny that nigger Lubbock runs 
the postoffis at the Corners to the satisfaction uv the people who get mail 
matter there, but I do deny that the emoluments of the place are proparly 
placed. That nigger is puttin his salary into a house for himself, while 
Bascom is languishin for the money I shood spend with him ef I hed the 
place. Is it to continue thus? 

Men and brethren, hev pity on us. For twelve long years we hev supt 
Borrer, slept on stones, breakfasted on woe, and dined on greef. We hev 
gone down from old whiskey to new, from new to alkohol dilootiti, and 
there is danger uv our gettin down finelly to coal oil raw. We ask yoo to 
lift us out. Give us a show. In the counties where the Democrats hev 
a tickit, vote for it. In counties where the thing is runnin independent, 
'vote the independent tickit. All roads from the Republican camp leads to 
ours. Come over and help us! Help us to carry the eleckshuns this fall 
that we may hev suthin to go on in the next Presidential eleckshun. Then 
shel every sloon keeper in the country rise up and call yoo blessed, and so 
shel all the noble army who hev wept and refoo^ed to be comfortid. They 
hev stood over agin the supplies till they hev been redoost to mere shad- 
ders, and a little while more uv it will finish em. Come up and save em. 
May the hearts uv the people be tetched. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
(wich wuz Postmaster.) 

THE OHIO ELECTION— 1873. 

(The Ohio state election, October, 1873, resulted in the election of Wil- 
liam Allen, Democrat, as governor, by a plurality of only 817 over Gen. 
Edward P. Noyes, Republican, and a Democratic legislature as well. This 
was the first Democratic victory In Ohio after the war, ajid Mr. Nasby, as 
will be seen, was enthusiastically and characteristically happy thereat.) 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich Is in the State uv Kentucky). 
October 16, 1873. 

I am back agin In my old home, and onct more, thank Heaven, In my 
proper character uv a Dimocrat. The minute the election in Ohio wuz over 
I dropped the Grange biznis, never to take it up agin, onless, that is, the 
necessities uv the Democijasy are sich ez to make it necessary. In that 
grand old coz I kin do anything— suffer anything— bear anything. 

The result uv the election in Ohio filled us with Joy onutterable. To 
think that the State uv Ohio, wich persekooted the saints durin the war, 
wich sent out soljers agin the South by the hundred thousand, wich re- 
foosed to accept the sainted Johnson, and wich give the tyrant and the 
butcher Grant sich enormous majorities both times— to think uv that state 
electin a Dimocratic legislacher, is enufC to make one's blood bile with 
ecstacy. 

Deekin Pogram, Kernel McPelter, Issaker Gavitt and Bascom Jined 
In the general rejoicin. Bascom, in pertikeler, was enthooslastic. He made 
hla bar free for that nlte, or wat wuz the same thing in effect— he give tui 
ox)^>j*Mfiii credit. 



i66 Thk Nasby Lst-tsbs. 

To say that this result fills me with ecstacy In to very mildly express 
my feelins. I cast a prophetic eye forrerd, and wot do I see? Under twelve 
glasses uv Bascom's newest and wildest, I set me down and see many 
things: 

I see a r-evival uv the Dimocratic party uv the olden time, rallied un- 
Aer the old prinsiples uv that great organization, wich is not dead, tho it 
■^uz amost. 

I sea Nod York a follerin Ohio back into the Dimmecratic fold. 
I see a legislacher in Albany wich shel hev therein anybody that Tam- 
many selecks, and the great old Empire State shel pass agin under their 
» ool. 

I see Boss Tweed, and Connolly and Okey Hall dragged out uv obskoo-, 
city and brot to the front. 

I shel see the Catholic vote fastened to us with hooks uv steel; for the 
priests and bishops shel hev all that they ask for, and the O'Shaugh- 
nessys, and O'Tooles and MickFaddens shel hev all the minor offises, e3| 
»iv old. 

I see the Dimocrisy uv five years ago controlling all the boards in Noa 
York, and them wich wuz expelled from power, put back agin, stronger 
than before. 

I see in 1876 a Dimocratic President, backed by a Dimekratlc Con» 
irress, which the same will make it lively for the Ethiopian. 

I see the old Confedrit heroes restored to ther former places, and th« 
revenge they want accomplished. 

I see Kernel McPelter assessor, Issaker Gavitt collector, and my old 
quarters in the Post Offis, wich know me not now, shel know me forever. 

I see Bascom smilin behind his bar— for he shel be paid for his likker. 

I see Davis, Dean and sich in the Senit, and them ez hez bin waitin 
iriven the places they hev hungered for. 

I see the British importers furnishin us with money, and the hauty 
manufacturers uv Noo England, and Pennsylvany, grovelin in the dust, 

I see the paternage uv the government is safely in our hands, never to 
be disturbed till we hev made our respective piles. 

I see onlimited plunder for the faithful, and a sufficient multiplyin uv 
offises to give us all one. 

I see the nigger disfranchised, and the Northern man hustled out uV 
the South ez tho he wuz a pestilence. 

I see the Dimekratic papers filled with government advertisin, and the 
mouths of their editors stopped with sinekures. 

I see a Dimekratic ring in each custom house, and every officer thereof 
clothed in purple and fine linen, and drinkin ohly ehampane. 

I see the South restored to her former posishen, a dictatin the policy 
uv the government, and a runnin uv it ez she did in the pammy days 
afore she wuz crushed under the Iron heel uv of despotism. 

I shood hev gon on seein things hed not Bsiscom remarkt, "Now, boys, 
one more drink to the old party;" a remark, I may say, that wood stop me 
from a dream of immortal glory. That drink finished me, and I fell out uv 
my chair and on his floor dreamed till mornin of Dimocratic triumphs. 

May my fond antissipashuns be realized. Dimocrats of Noo York, 11 
crests with xeol 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY. 
(wich wus P. li.) 



Thx Nasby Letters. 16V 

MK. NASBY KECEIYES AN APPOmTMENT.—TEEACHEEY; 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is In the State uv Kentucky), 

^ January 24, 1874. 

The Comers wnz wild with dellte last week at learnin that I hed re- 
ceived the appointment of freight and passenger agent at SecessionviUe, the 
nearest railroad pint to us. There ain't no freight ever shipped from Seceis- 
sionvyie, and the passenger trafhc is limited, but a agent is necessary, and 
I wuz surprised that I wuz appinted ez sich. In this case, for the first time 
in my life, the offis sought the man, and not the man the ofRs, for I knowd 
nuthin about it till it wuz done. The fust idee I hed uv it, wuz receivin a 
letter thro the mail, from the president uv the company, givtn me the 
place, and directin me to take possession within a week. 

I immediately segested to Deekin Pogram, Bascom and Issaker Gavitt, 
that ez I wuz to leave the Comers for a noo field of yoosfulness. it wood 
be ez little ez they cood do to give me a public dinner or sum sIch recog- 
nishen. The Deekin and Bascom refoosed pint-blank. Whereupon I pos- 
tively told em that ef they didn't give me a public complimentary dinner, 
I woodent go! 

That fetched em. Bascom turned pale at the threat, and remarked 
that one year more of my patronage wood rooin him, while at Secession- 
viUe there wuz a rich grosery-keeper who cood afford it, end he consentel. 
Deekin Pogram remarked to wunst that, rather than hev me stay away 
from a field of labor when I hed sich an opportoonity for dooin good, 
and where I cood git doubtlls better beard than I cood at his humbie 
home, he wood consent. 

The dinner came off last nite at Bascom's. There wuz present all the 
leadin citizens uv the Corners. The Deekin okkipied the chair, and Cap*:. 
McPelter the other end uv the table. 

After the cloth wuz removed, the Deekin rose and remarkt that thi* 
wuz the happiest minit uv his life. He wuz filled with supreme Joy. Trot^ 
our friend who wuz about to leave us wood no longer grace his humble 
board, but there wuz left the great consolation that our friend's bill f(»r 
board wuzn't growin any bigger. Then, agin, our friend wuz goin into tl e 
servis uv a railroad, wich filled every citizen uv the Corners with hoj p 
uv final payment. Our friend wuz goin to sell tickits and collect mone/ 
for freights, and, uv course, he wood be able to pay his debts in the Coi" 
ners. The railroad wuz a rich and bloatid corporashun, and cood afford iv. 
He wood, in conclushun propose the health uv our friend with the wish 
that he may live long enuff to die without the stingln remorse weiging on 
his mind that he owed anybody. 

Bascom follered the Deekin. He remarkt that this wuz the happiest 
moment uv his life. Patronage wuz a good thing, but it wuz possible for a 
grocery to hev too much uv it. A chronic thirst shood alluz be backed up 
with a plethoric pocket pocket book to make things pleasant. Our depart- 
In friend hed a thirst sufficiently cravin to delite the most exactin bar- 
keeper — but alas! Nine yeers repeetin them terrible words, "Chalk it 
down," hed made em somewat monotonous. But wat he wanted to say 
was this: Uv course our friend will yoose every means in his power to 
liquidate the debts he has made here. In order that these payments shel 
be made ez soon ez i)ossible, he wood urge upon the citizens uv the Coc- 
nera to give the road in whose employ our friend goes the preference oviw 



168 The NAyBy Lettees. 

the rival line. And pertikelerly wood he urge that citizens uv the Corners 
when they travc4, take the cars at Secessionville, and also to alluz buy 
tickits uv our friend, the new station agent, ruther than to pay on the 
cars. No conductor owes us anything. Ez he understood it, the company 
settles with its agents wunst in three months — he beleeved that in that 
time our friend ought to get enufC funds in bis hands to clear him flere. 
May he prosper in it! 

I respondid. I remarked to em that this wuz the happiest moment uv 
my life. I hed bin honored with the confidence uv the people uv the Cor- 
ners. (Deep silence when they ough+ to hev cheered.) I hed' lived 
among yoo for years (more deep silence), and hed okkepied posishens uv 
trust. I wuz now goln away (cheers) and, ef I knowd myself and my op- 
pertoonlties, shood pay my debts. (Loud and vociferous cheers.) I hed no 
doubt uv my ability to do so. I hed held ofRs under various Dimokratic ad- 
ministrashens too long not to know all about how to make a place profit' 
able. So much for that. But I wood not take my seat without remarkin 
that I feel great encouragement. I see nothin but good in the bigns uv the 
times. I shel wunst more be Postmaster at the Corners — I shel wunst more 
take my old familiar place at Bascom's fireside, and shel 
In that congenial place spend the last end uv my life. 
I hev good reasons for the hope that is in me. I see a lite. Our an- 
Bhent enemies, the Republikins, are In sore trouble, and the Democrisy wuz 
never— 

At this pint, ther wuz a commoshen in _ the lower part uv the room. 
There wuz Pollock, Joe Bigler and the sherLff uv the county, and they 
didn't lose no time in maken their bizness knowd. Two weeks afore I got 
a soot uv close uv Pollock on tick, tellin him some little, pleasant story, 
wich he hed the audacity to claim wuz a fraud. He hed charged me with 
grettin goods under false pretences, and hed established his case, and he se- 
lectid this ez the occashen to enforce his claim. I wuz immejitly arrested, 
and the sherifC told me to git my hat and accompany him to the jail. 

"But I can't go," I sed. "I take my new place to-morrow morn'ji. 
and ef I am not there I lose It." 

"That Is troo," retortid Pollock, "but you'll never see that place till 
you pay me $63.25. That's my little game.** 

Ther wuz a hurried consultashen. 

"Ef this claim ain't satisfied, he can't go," said Bascom. "Good 
Heavens, and he will continue hla account with me." 

"This must be fixed," shrieked the Deekin. "Else he will stay at my 
house. * 

So they held a hurried consultashun wich resulted In Bascom and 
the Deekin puttin up he money and gettin a receet in full and the with- 
drawal uv the soot, and Bigler and Pollock withdrawed in great glee. 

Now comes the sekel to this outrageous transaction. Bascom har- 
nessed his mule and took me over to Secessionville the next mornin where 
I wuz to take my new place. The stashen agent wuz there ez yoosual, and 
he perposed to stay. I showed him my authority. He laft. 

"The name at the end uv that letter," sed he, "don't happen to be the 
name uv our President." 

"Then this letter uv appintment Is b.—" 

"Hoax, I guess. Somebody hez bin imposin on yoo. It ain't the honest 
handwritln uv anybody connected with the road." 

It wuz too troo. We returned sadly to the Corners. Bascom never 



The Kasby LETTiRg. 1^9 

ipoke a word to me till he reached his bar. Then he sent for th* Deekln, 
and told him the bad news. Then I^saker came in, and told em that it had 
all leaked out. Pollock and Joe BigKi* hed put the thing up to enable 
em to get their money out uv me— and they succeeded. They wrote the 
letters uv appintment and carried ou t the serious joke to its disgustin end. 

The sorrow uv Bascom and the Deekin wuz techin. 

"Sixty-three dollars and twenty-five cents in cash in addition to wat 
he owes us!" sighed they. 

"And he is still on our hands," they yelled, glarin at me. 

I take it philosophically. I shel stay here and labor for these people 
till a change in the politikle worlcT puts me in offis agin. The joke is onto 
them, not me. PETROLEUM V. NASBY. 

(wich wuz Postmaster.) 

MB. NASBY ASSISTS AT A JOINT CONTENTION. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Feb. 10, 1874. 

I hev bin anxshusly scannin the politikkle horizon thro the telescope uv 
hope, to diskiver in the sky the bow uv success. I thot that at last my 
faithful search hed bin rewarded. My rainbow wuz reflected onto the 
slouds uv the immijit fucher by the corrupshuns uv the leaders uv the Re- 
publikin party, and the consekenl dissatisfackshun uv the rank and file 
iiv that organizashun. Good we only yoose this ez a wedge to get that 
3ussed party to split, and cood we hook one fackshun onto our party, then 
we shood hev a clean majority, and woodent give ten cents to be in- 
shoored the Post Offis at the Corners, wich is the Alpha and Oxaega uv 
my hopes. 

I heerd uv one town In Ohio in wich the Republikins hed trouble on 
ther hands, and, ez an experiment, I determined to go ther, and see, for 
Jiyself, whether or not a coalishen cood be made between the Democrisy 
and the antl-comipshen Republikins. I argood that ef it cood be done In 
3ne town, it cood be done in a thousand, for human nacher is the same 
9 very where. 

I broached the Idee to Deeklh Pogram (at whose house I hev bin vls- 
:tin for three years, and to Bascom, who immejitly figgered 
what the railroad fare wood be, and they unanimously 
3onsentid to advance it, ef I wood agree to stay away two weeks. 
rhese men are gettin to be be disgustinly calkelatin. 

But I went, and found at New Babylon the yoosual state uv affairs. 

There wuz there a dozen Dimocrats who never drank no thin, and who 
follered legitimit biznis. Then there wuz the great mass uv the party 
nade up uv the doggry keepers, the doggry haunters— that vast mass to 
vhom clean shirts is only seen on twict in their lives, viz., when they are 
Harried and when they are buried. The Dimocrisy wuz in a minority uv 
perhaps fifty. 

Two yeers ago the Republikins in Noo Babylon hed electid two rather 
jcaly fellows with whom they hed hed trouble. The auditor and treasurer 
led bin diskivered connivin with contractors, and the village hed, between 
;ra all, bin swindled out uv about $400. Ez the Republikins hed bin cussin 
:he Credit Mobiler and Back Pay in Congress up hill and down-dale, uv 
K)urse, to be consistent, they hed to denounce cc«Tupshen at home -wUh 
ikMl vlcscr. 



1?0 The l^ASBY LfitfislLS. 

Becoz uv the misconduct uv these offishels, a largr© number uv the ^S* 
publikins swore that the Republikin party hed outlived its day, and 
that the time hed come to bust it and make a new organizashen, and they 
called upon wat they wuz pleased to call the decent Dimocrisy to unite 
with them. 

Thompson, Brown, Jonea and Smith, the decent Democrats uv the vil- 
lage, agreed with em, and a People's convenshun wuz called to nominate 
a tickit on the basis uv reform, wich wuz to be supported by the oppo- 
?iK!nts uv corrupshen, irrespective uv party. 

It wuz that convenshun that I went to Noo Babylon to attend. 

The hall wuz crowded. Imniejitly Bill Rag, wich kept the largest ' 
lam-mill in the village, sprung to his feet and moved that Lawyer 
bwipes, his cheefest customer, be made chairman, wich wuz carried. Then 
.Johnny Tag, wich keeps another doggery, moved that Sam Bobtale, his 
} rincipal customer, be secretary, and that the convenshun perceed 
inmejitly to nominate a ticket to be supported by 

t U the citizens uv Noo Babylon who wuz opposed to corrupshen in 
trie present administrashen, in village, state, and the general government, 
wich moshen wuz carried. 

The Reform Republiklns tried to git Squire Broadacres on the ticket 
for mayor, but it woodent work. Rag and Tag hed emptied their groseries 
into that convenshun, and they wuz voted down ten to one. Lawyer 
Swipes wuz nominated with a whoop. Then Sam Bobtale wuz nominated 
for treasurer, and Rag hisself for recorder, and five uv the same stripe 
uv men for aldermen. 

"Good Kevins!" exclaimed the Reform Republiklns, "this ain't wat we 
expected! We can't stand this— yoo can't expect us to." 

"My deer sirs," replied Thompson, one uv the decent Dimoci-ats, "it 
Is unfortunate, I confess, but yoo see th^e men couitrol (the majoritv 
uv our vote, and we reely can't help ourselves." 

"But ef yoo are reely for reform, why don't yoo leave a organizashen 
wich is controlled by sich men? Smikey, the Republican defaulter. Is bad 
enough, but ez compared with Bobtale, he's an angel uv lite. We didn't 
1^'ave the Republikin organizashen, ez bad ez it is, to git into a wuss one. 
We want to git out uv the hands uv the Smikey s, but we don't want to 
drop into the keepin uv Rag, Tag and Bobtale. That ain't wat we bar- 
gained for. Ef the decent Dimocrisy can't control that organizashen, wat 
kin be done?" 

"I reely don't know. Smith, Jones, Brown and myself moan over the 
power wielded by these men, but we can't help it. Ef we split with them, 
J may lose the nomenashen for Congress next fall, and Jones may not go 
*o the legislacher. We can't break our party lines^we can't, indeed," 

"It's about the same in Nashnel matters, ain't it?" queried the onreas- 
'inable Republikin, who wu-zn't satisfied with the kind uv reform he wuz 
gettin. "Spozin we leave the Republikin party and jine the Democrisy? 
Do we leave Credit Mobllier only to take Tammany to our buzzums? Do 
v\e emancipate ourselves from Back Pay to git into the keepin uv John 
Morrisey? Do we merely exchange a corrupt Republikin for Fernandy 
Wood? Ef yoo are compelled to trot In harnis with Rag, Tag and Bobtale, 
here, on wat principle are yoo to git sliet uv Wood, and Morrisey. and 
Tweed, and them men in Nashnel convenshuns? Horatio Seymour and sich 
Dimocrats axe powerlis without em. ain't they, jlst ez yoo arepowerlls wltli^ 
out Raff, Taff and Bobtale?" 



**tt Is onfortunately troo." • 

"And we dissatisfied Republikins are expected to vote with yoo, and 
elect this tickit?" 

"Certinly, and thereby yoo enter yoor protest agin the corrupshen 
uv Smikey. A protest, my doer sir, is a great thing." 

"I see. We enter a^ protest a?l:i Smikey, by electin Bobtale, who 
wuz nominated by Rag and Tag. Excuse me. The fryin-pan is hot enufC 
—we won't jump into the fire, ef yoo please. I ruther think our best plan 
Is to bust Smikey, rather than to take on Swipes, Rag, Tag and Bobtale, 
and then hev to bust them. And I ruther guess that the same policy will 
<?o for things outside uv Noo Babylon. I wood like to go somewhere, but 
yoo don't show me any good place to go. We kin purify our own party, 
but I shoodent like to undertake the job for yourn. I guess I'll make my 
flght a leetle closer to home. Good-bye." 

And this headstrong man and his friends left the hall, with their 
noses in the air, and all we cood do woodent pacify em. They went and 
called a Republikin convenshun and they slaughtered Smikey, and put up 
FJroadacres, and a lot uv sich Republikins for all the offlses, and they will 
lUect em. Smikey, uv course, came straight to us, but a dozen Dimocrats 
'eft us the minit he jined, so we lost by the operashun. 

It wood be a nice thing for us ef the Swipses, and Rags, and Tags, 
und Bobtales that belong to us cood be kept out uv site, but that can't 
l»e. Onless they hev their share uv plunder, they won't vote with us, 
»^nd ef they don't vote with us, they keep out everybody else. The men 
<vho is necessary to us, beats us. 

I am at home, sick and disgustid. This game uv reform won't work, 
I'or we ain't jest got the proper material to put forrerd. Why, at Noo 
Babylon whenever I preeched the necessity uv reform, the people jeered at 
the idee. My personal appearance, It seems, wuz somewhat inconsistent 
9«ith that noshen. But it may come at last. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
(wich wuz Postmaster.) 

MR NASBY INAUGUEATES A NEW ENTEEPEISE. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Feb. 17, 1874. 

My little effort at reform In Ohio didn't work jest ez I hed hoped, but 
I don't despair uv gettin suthin out uv it after all. Ef we can't make re- 
form go, wat is there for us? At the worst I perpose to make it earn me 
a livln. I am in the reform biznis, and I shel push it ez a biznis. 

I hev determined to start a reform noosepaper. That idee sprung 
full-fledged from my massive Intelleck two weeks ago. When I determine 
upon a thing I go and do it, and so, two weeks ago, I ishood the prospeck- 
tus, and with it the Massedonian cry for help to all the rich Dimocrats I 
knowd or cood heer uv. 

I stated in my prospecktus (wich I wrote in Bascom's) that the "Cross 
Roads Reformer and Friend uv Purity" wood be devotid to reform in its 
broadest sense, public and privit. I deplored the v/ide-spread corrupshen 
^.hat hed pervaded and permeated all departments uv the public servis, 
sence that gileless patriot, A. Johnson, vacated the Presidenshel cheer, ez 
well ez the laxity uv morals that pervadid all classes uv society, wich wuz 
tbt le^ritimlt outgrowth uv Radikle Idees. I hed throwd myself Isto th« 



Ifl The Kasby LEri'EM. 

breach, and wiiz determined to do all In my power to check the flood uv 
fraud that wuz sweepin over the land and wlch bid fair to rooin the repub- 
lik. To the coz uv purity and rei'. m I hed devotid all ther wuz uv me. 

I stated distinctly that the "C; ss Roads Reformer and Friend u^' 
Purity" hed but one panacea for all the evils the country is labrm under, 
namely, the bustin uv the Republikin party and the puttin power uv the 
Dimocrisy. That is all there is uv it. This is the short road to politikle 
purity, and, by example, the promoter uv privit purity. We want to hev 
back in Congress that galaxy uv intellecks that shone so resplendently 
doorin Bookannon's administrashen, and in the places uv trust and profit, 
the patriots who rallied so glorious' y around the crib presided over by 
A. Johnson. Some uv em are dead, alas! but there are enufC uv em left to 
fill all the offlses, and there ain't any risk uv their declinin. 

I sent an appeal for aid to various leadin Dimocrats uv the country, 
and receeved responses wich show that in this enterprise I hev hit the pre- 
cise Idea that is needed. For instance, Fernando Wood wrote me the 
follerin: 

"I agree with yoo that the times demand a vlggerous paper, wich shel 
oppose the corrupshens wich are sappin the very foundashens uv our liber- 
ties. The crimes uv the Republikin p irty cry to Heaven. Enclosed find 
check for $50. I wood send yoo more, but I hevn't realized on my Credit 
Mobilier shares yet, and me and Brother Ben find the lottery biznis dull 
sence the panic struck ua. Trooly, 

"FERNANDO WOOD." 

His brother Ben wrote ez follows: 

"Enclosed find $50 to aid in establlshin The Cross Roads Reformer and 
Friend uv Purity. I wish I cood spare more, for ef ever ther wuz a time 
when public and privit purity needed boostin, this is the time. We must 
combine to crush Republikinism and inoggerate a rain uv purity. I wood 
send more, but the fact is, policy sellin Is dull, and faro-banks ain't more 
than payin expenses. But sich ez my donashen is, take it. 

"Trooly, BKN. WOOD." 

Boss Tweed wrote ez follows: 

"I write in bonds. But oppressed ez I am by crooel persekooters 1 
take a lively interest in evrything that looks to purity in offishel matters. 
In my lonely cell on Blackwell's Island do I groan for my country. I hev 
directed my" son Richard to send yoo $50 to aid yoor paper jest ez soon ez 
he kin collect it from the ongrateful contractors who refoozed to 
divide with when I got into trouble on contracks wich 
I give em when I wuz In power. But go in yoor good 
work. Trooly, W. M. TWEED." 

The letter I wrote to Harry Genet, wuz ansered by a friend uv his, 
who remarked that Mr. Genet was abroad for his health, but that he shood 
forrerd It to him, and that Mr. G. wood doubtless contribbit, ez he wuz, 
ez he alluz hed bin, a staunch friend uv reform. 

From the South the responsis were encouragin, tho not profitable. 

From every one of the glorious soljers uv the Confederacy come words 
uv cheer. They bid me go on and deal heavy blows agin the monster Radi- 
ileism, and in support, not only uv reform, but uv our common country. 
Four yeers more uv Radicle jool wood be suflichent, they wuz every one 
uv em convinst, to destroy the government bequeathed us by our fathers, 
and wlch hed bin made sacred by their blood. 

Aleck Stephens wrote me a letter approvin uv the design uv the paper 
that kivered sixty-eight pages uv foolscap, but he didn't enclose a dollar, 
wich wuz a lame and impotent conelooshen. 



The Nasbt Lettih§. I73 

1 One man from Alabama Insisted that the motto uv the noo paper ahood 
fee, "Offis in Rite Hands, and Purity la Offis." The offis, he went on to re- 
mark, cood never be in rite hands so long ez a disgustin nigger wuz Post- 
master at Napoleonville, a place wich he wunst okkepied under Johnson. 
He beleeved in non-partisanship, and the President ought to reassure the 
people by showin em that he wuz not inflooenced by partisan feelins. Let 
the President remove his appointees and put Democrats in their places. 
When he wuz removed and that nigger wuz put in his place, he, for the 
first time in his life, despaired uv the Republic. 

I wuz astonished at the number uv responses I got from Republi- 
kins. They cum in by the bushel. Every one uv em hed lost all faith in a 
Republikin form uv government— every one uv em bleeved that the gov- 
ernment hed fallen into bad hands, and consekently they despaired uv the 
republic. One pekoolyarity uv this despare wuz, they all specified th« 
date at wich they commenced desparin, ez for instance: 

"On the 13th uv Jooly, 1873, I felt that all wuz gone/* 

Or this: 

"On the 22d uv August, 1872, I felt that the sun uv Republlkinism hed 
set forever, onless a change cood be made." 

I wuz at some panes to ascertane why things went to rooin on them 
rertikeler days, and I found that it was July 13, 1873, that the first hed bin 
(liefeated for renominashen to Congress, and that on the 22d uv August, 
)872, the second hed bin removed from a collectorship, and the others wuz 
»n the same state uv health without excepshin. But it don't do to inquire 
^00 pertikerlerly. They beleeve the government is In bad hands, and that 
Is enuff for me. These men— and all uv this class, demand reform, but 
iihey didn't enclose no material aid. How do they suppose the battle agin 
.1 corrupt administrashen is to be fought, ef they don't furnish ammu- 
lishen? 

I got In donashens (and loans, wich is the same thing) about $600. The 
paper will be ishood next week. I hev paid Bascom $40, and Deekin Po- 
^am $25, on akkount, wich hez encouraged them. 

Things look brighter for me. May my sky continyoo unclouded. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Editor Cross Roads Reformer. 

THE WOMEN'S CEUSADE STEIKES THE CEOSS EOADS. 

(The famed temperance movement, called the "Women's Crusade." 
which started in Hillsboro. Ohio, and was the foundation of the Woman's 
Christian Temperance Union, furnished the motive for this and the five 
succeeding letters.) 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Feb. 28, 1874. 

When I opened my Northern papers and red uv the prayin movement 
by the wimmin uv Ohio and Injiana, I sed to myself, "the Cross-Roads is 
bound to ketch it." There ain't no trouble agoin but wat It lites onto 
the Cross-Roads. Misforchoon has markt the Cross-Roads for its own. 

And last Monday Bascom got a postal card on wich it wuz statid that 
on the Friday followin a delegashen uv ladies from New Boston, a manu- 
facturin village started by a lot uv Yankees over about ten miles from 
here, where they don't sell no spirits, wood vieit the Cross-Roads. and 



IT* Th* Nasbt Lettsai. 

try the efficacy ov prayer onto Bascom, to see ef they cood not convert 
him to stop his sole-destroyin, demoralyzin bizness. Ez Bascom red the 
postal card (or rather ez I red it for him) he wuz a picter to look upon. His 
knees knockt tog-ether and his face turned a ghastly pale, and his hand 
trembled so that it wuz with difficulty that he cood raise a glass u"? likker 
to his lips. 

"My sole-destroyin bizness!" sedhe; "my bizness sole-destroyin! Good 
Heavens, wat next?" 

"My time is about up, I guess," remarkt Deekin t*ogram. "I hev seen 
strange things in my life-time, but when I am not allowed to take my reg- 
ler drinks, it is time I wuz a goin hence." 

"The idee," sed Issaker Gavitt, "that sellin likker or drinkin it Is de- 
moralizin. I hev drunk likker all my life, and — *' 

At this point Issaker's wife come in, and wantid Issaker to go and git 
some rice, and then go home and split some wood. Issaker wantid to know 
wat she come there for, and the onreasonable woman bustid into teat-. : •'• 
said she coodn't split wood, with no shoes and three inches of snow on th<? 
ground, and that there wuzn't a thing in the house for the sick baby to 
eat, and ef Issaker wood spend half the time work that he diJ 
loafin at Bascom's, and half the money on his children that he 
did for likker, and — 

Issaker didn't allow her to finish her onreasonable harangue. He too«< 
her t»y the shoulder and shoved her out the door, and swore that he didn't 
know how it wuz in Ohio and Injeanj', but he'd be d — d if in Kentuck^v 
woman shoodent keep in her proper spear. He wuzn't a goin to allow no 
woman to dictate to him wat he shood do with his time or his mun-ey, 
nuther. 

Captain McPelter remarkt that ef his wife ever jined in sich a demon- 
strashun, she'd wish she hadn't. His wife tried to stop him from takin an 
other drink wunst, after he felt his oats, and hed throwd a cradle with a 
six-months baby out uv the door, and the black eye she got wuz a warnin 
to her never to interfere with his prerogatives no more. 

Poor Bascom wuz cast down. He sed Amerikin libberty wuz gone, 
when a passel uv women got to goin about Interferin with a man's biznig. 
But he shood adopt vigorous measures. He'd never surrender — never. 

Friday come and Bascom was ready for em. Evry wun uv our persua- 
sion in the Corners hed ordered his wife to ke^p strikly in doors, and on no 
akkount to venture out durin the day. Bascom asked us all to staj' with 
him, and see him thro it. To wich we all agreed. Them ez wuz married 
and kept house, went home to fix up ther doors and nail boards over the 
broken glass uv ther winders, so that the wimmen shoodn't see outside. 
It's no small matter to close up all the holes in the houses at the Corners. 

Well, at 11 o'clock a percession uv v/omen did make their appearance at 
the lower end uv the village, and they moved up slowly to'ards Bascom's. 
G. W. wuz as pale ez a sheet. • 

"Wat shel I do?" asked he. 

"G. W.," sed I, "there is but one thing yoo kin do. Rally yoor friends 
about yoo, and make head agin this unholy croosade. The regular fre- 
kenters uv the place are fritened and are not here. Bring em here! Bring 
em here to-wunst! Swing out a placard wich shel read: 

"Likker free to all doorin the contlnyooance uv this fanatlkle campane! 
—Ho! all ye that thirst! Come and drink, without money and without 
price.** 



Thb Nasbt Letters. ]75 

'*ThIs, G. W., will fetch em In, and ez long ez the Ukker Is free they 

will stay In, and give yoo ther moral suoport. Shel I write the placard?*' 

I G. W. wavered. He cast one glance at his kegs, and sighed hesita- 

tinly. I cast one glance at them kegs, and wuz determined that so good 

an opportoonity shood not be lost. 

"Ha!" sed I, "the foe! they come! they come! To hesitate now is to be 
lost. The hed uv the invadin column hez turned the comer. Shel I 
write?" 

"Yes!" sed Bascom, bustin into teers; "write. Ef they shet me up I'm 
roolned, and ef yoo hev free drinks I'm bustid. But I'd ruther take the 
free drinks part uv it." 

"Certainly," sed Issaker Gavitt, soothingly; "free drinks, by all means. 
After all, Bascom, it amounts to the same thing. It's free drinks anyhow, 
for yoo hev to charge em to us, don't yoo?" 

And so T writ the placard and histed it up at the door. The result wuz 
majical. In less than ten minits the glad nooze hed reached every housft 
In the village, and there wuz gathered together in Bascom's sich a sollc/ 
mass uv liberty-lovin men ez hed never been seen together at the Cross 
Roads. 

Bascom appinted two uv us to draw likker for the thirsty crowd, and 
then we throwd open the doors, calkilatin to greet em with sich cheer*- 
ez wood effectooally silence all the sin gin and prayin they cood do. 

The wimmin approached. We cood see em. They wuz all close?y 
veiled. Ez they approached the door I directed the likker to be served 
out faster, so ez to get the boys tuned up to the right pitch. But alaal 
they didn't stop! They didn't stop to sing or to pray or nuthln. The;, 
simply passed by, pulling their vails closer to ther faces, and snickerin. 
I looked thro the vail uv one uv em and saw whiskers. 

But with rare presence uv mind I sed nothin. 

"Draw more likker!" I shouted, "they will be back In a moment" 

By the time this drink wuz down Bascom wuz so far gone that Ut 
didn't know nuthln. He got lunatic, and springin from the counter in- 
sisted on everybody's not only drinkin, but that every man uv us shood fi?l 
a bottle and take it with us. 

It is onnecessary to state what follered. The revelry waxed furious 
and by night the bodies uv the fallen were piled on top uv each other fouj 
deep. Every drop uv likker In the house wuz gone, for wat ■v\'uzn't drum 
hed bin allowed to waste, for men drawd it who wuz too tite to shet thft 
faucets. Bascom wuz laid out, Deekin Pogram wuz snorin ez tho In 
hedn't slept for a week, and I, seesoned vessel that I am, wuz the wust 
played out uv any uv em. 

The next momin Joe Bigler venchered around, and I asked concernin 
the wimmin. 

"Wimin!" sed he; "them wuzn't wimin. They wuz boys employed ir 
the factrys In New Boston. Nasby," sed he confidenshally.. "my. opinyun Is 
that that cuss, Pollock, put this up on yoo, with a view to room Bascom. 1 
hnerd him talkin with one uv them factry men, who is his brother-in-law, 
and I heerd the brother-in-law say that it wuz too good not to do it. I 
presume that is wat they referred to. But don't say that I told yoo." 

Passin Pollock's an hour after, I heerd him and Bigler a laffin vocif- 
erously, and I knowd that this wuz wat they wuz lafEn at. 

But, thank Heaven, the joke isn't onto me. I got twenty square 
drinks out uv it for nothing. But I do pity Bascom. His heart is broke. 



176 Thi Na »i Lettias. 

Hia empty barrels, his broken glasses and bottles, bear mute testlriony 
to his losses. May Heaven forgive Pollock and Bigler. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBT, P. M. 
P. S. — ^I shel ishoo the first number uv my new paper next week, 

POLLOCK AND BIGLEE PEKSBCUTE THE SAINTS. 

Confedrit X Roads, 

' (Wlch is in the State uv Kentu<sky), 

March 10, 1874. 

Ef Heaven's m.ost plercin Utenins cood strike Joe Bigler and that Jeerin 
feend, Pollock, I shood think more uv the economy uv nacher. For till 
these demons is dead, and berried, we never shel hev peace or quiet at the 
Corners. It wuz a bitter day for me, and for all uv us, when that wretch 
Pollock come here from Illinoy, and struck hands with Joe Bigler. Either 
uv em is pizen — ^yoonitid, striknine is nothin to em. 

We held a meetin in Bascom's last week Toosday to decide upon some 
measures to counteract the wimmin's temperance movement, wich we are 
momentarily expectin will strike the Corners, and ravage us ez it hez the 
towns and villages in Ohio and Injeany. Bascom called the meetin, fo* 
Bascom swears he will defend his rites till the last. 

We hed the grocery tolably full uv the men uv the Corners, wtien whM 
Bhood march in but Bigler and Pollock, who sot down on nail kegs ea 
solium ez a funeral. 

Various sejestions wuz made ez to tke best way uv countera>ctin tht\ 
movement, when Pollock rose and askt the privilege uv makin a remark, 
wich I, ez chairman, consentid to. 

"I sympathize heartily with yoo," sed Pollock, "in thus standin up an^i 
makin hed agin this fanatikle croosade, and wood sejest that yoo fit«» 
the devil with fire. In Ohio the wimen go out agin the traffic in likker — lei» 
our wimen here in the Corners, come out and enter their protest agin eny 
Interference with the rites uv their husbands, fathers and brothers. Let 
the wimen uv the Corners protest agin this fanaticism." 

Joe Bigler riz, and I felt a presentiment that the devil hed broken 
hia chain and wuz amongst u«. 

I don't often agree with Pollock," he remarked, "but there Is In this 
sejestion so much uv good sense that bleeve I shel second him in it. By 
all means let our wimmin enter their protest aginst this wild croosade, 
that the world may know that Kentucky at least stands by her land- 
marks. The wimmin uv Ohio howl that the traffic is demoralizin to so- 
ciety, and pertikelerly that it Is rooinin them. Now let the wimmin uv the 
Cross-Roads meet and hist In their testimony that it is nuthin uv the kind. 
And that this protest may be made in doo form, I sejest that the wimmin 
uv Confedrit X Roads meet at the church to-morrer afternoon, at two p. 
m., and resloot agin this this thing. Is it a go?" 

"It is!" "It is!" "We will hev em do It!" wuz shouted from all parts 
uv the room. 

Bascom wuz delited with the proposishen. He said that so far ez 
his wife wuz concerned, she wood Jine in sich a protest heartily. It shood 
be done by all means. 

"It is well enuff to say 'we will,* " sed Bigler, "but let us make shoor 
uv hevin em all out, that there may be no faleyoor. To make this a success 
the meetin must not only be enthusiastic, but large. Pollock, take a irfece 



of paper and put down the names uv those whose husbands will pled^ 
ithelrselves to be present, Issaker Gavitt, will Mrs. Gavitt be shoor to 
come?" 

Issaker blushed— wlch is to say, his nose turned bloo — ez he ansered 
"probably not, onless the weather shood be warmer, for my woman hezn't 
got no shoes." 

"Mrs. Gavitt can't come to protest agrin this croosade agrin likker, coz 
she ain't got no shoes," sung out Pollock. 

"But, Issaker, I bought fifty bushels uv com uv yoo last fall— why 
didn't yoo get yoor wife shoes then?" 

"I hed to pay Bascom, on account," sed poor Issaker, blushln still 
more. 

"All right," sed Pollock; *'uv course yoo did. Go on, Josef." 

"Squire Pennibacker, will yoor wife be present to jine this antl-fan- 
atlcism movement?" 

"She'll oppose it," sed the Squire, "coz I do; but I doubt ef she kin 
come out to bear testimony agin It. She ain't got no cloze that she'd like 
to be seen in." 

"Mrs. Pennibacker alnt got no cloze, and can't come," sung out Pol- 
lock. Go on, Josef." 

"Deekin Pogram, yoor wife and yoor dawter Mirandy will be here, 
certainly?" 

"Taint shoor," sed the Deekin, "uv both uv em— one uv em kin come, 
but the other can't. Ef my wife wears the dress, Mirandy must stay, and 
vice versy, coz they ain't got but one atween em." 

"I hev put down one from Deekin Pogram's, ez them two wimmin hev 
only one dress atween em. Go on, Josef. We've got to git more than 
these or the meetin will be a failyoor/* 

"Lem'l Pettus, will yoo see that yoor wife will be present to protest 
agin " 

"Stop!" I yelled, seeln the drift uv these wretches; "this hez gone far 
enuff. I pertest " "^ , 

"Easy, Parson, easy," sed Blgler. "We must hev the wimmin out. 
The wimmin uv Ohio pertest that likker rooins em— our wimmin must bear 
testimony that it don't. I confess that the prospeck Isn't encouragin, for 
we hevn't found a sufficiency uv dresses, and shoes, and sich, among our 
wimmen to enable them to take part In a public demons trashen, but ** 

At this pint Bigler stopped, for Mrs. Bascom, G. W.'s wife, opened the 
door uv her sittin room, wich wuz jlst one side uv the bar-room, and 
looked in. It wuz an unfortinit movement ez ever wu»— in fact. It seems 
ez tho the devil alluz helped Bigler and Pollock. There stood Mrs. Bas- 
com with a black moire-anteek dress on, with gold rings onto her fingers 
and a fur concern about her shoulders, and reel gaiters onto her feet, and 
a buzzum pin onto her, and everything gorgeous, Ez she drawd back Into 
her own room. Pollock broke out — 

"Mrs. Bascom kin go and enter her protest agin this on womanly croo- 
sade, can't she?" 

"Uv course she kin," sed Bigler. "She's got shoes and cloze enuff." 

"Too troo," sed Pollock, "and slngler ez it may seem, she's the only one 
In the Corners that hez. What shel we do about It?" 

"I pertest agin this thing!" shrieked I, for I seed wat It wuz leadln to. 

"Walt till I make my sejestion," sed Bigler. "I wuz a comin to It, It 
•trikes me that Bascom's wife hea got all the cloze that belongs to th« 



wlmmen ut the Comers, and thsit It Is likely to continyoo so jlst so ionc 
ez Bascom keeps the ffrocery, for the reason that it takes all that the 
men kin git hold uv to keep em in sustenance. Now, woodn't it be an 
ekitabla arranffemaxt ef the male citizens uv the Corners shood take turns 
at keepin the grocery? Let Issaker Gavitt keep it a week, wich wood en~ 
able him to get Mrs. Gavitt a pare uv shoes — a w eek's profits wood enable 
Pennibacker to get his wife a caliker dress, and so on around. It seems to 
me that it's unfair—" 

Bigler didn't git no further with his incendiary harangue. Bascom 
blled over and throwed a bottle at him, wich Bigler dodged, and he and 
Pollock went out a laffln vociferously at the fix they hed put us in. That 
bottle broke up the meetln. I thot it a pity that it shood be wasted, and 
went for it, and so did every man in the room, and we struggled for it ou 
the floor like madmen. Issaker Gavitt got it, and dusted out with it. 

I am fearful that our efforts to stem this tide will result in a failyoor. 
I can't help confessin that there is suthin queer in the fact that Bascom' s 
wife is the only woman in the Corners who hez decent clothes, but Joe 
I^igler and Pollock hed no biznis to make that fact so cussedly apparent. 
Kf it ever grits to the ears of the wimmin it ain't onpossible that they'll 
commence a raid on Bascom theirselves. I wooden t hev Lucindy Gavitt, 
Jpsaker's wife, git hold uv where that fifty bushels uv corn went, for no 
raoney. It's a cold world, and a hard ona to git thro with easy. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBT, 
(wich wuz Postmaster.) 

P. S.— This excitement hez delayed the Ishoo uv my new paper. But I 
thel git it out. 

VIE. NASBY AND HIS FEIEJNDS PEEPAEE FOE A PEO- 

TEACTED DEOUGHT. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich Is in the State uv Kentucky), 
March 22, 1874. 

The weather is glttin milder and milder, and there is no possibility uv 
eair stavin off an attack upon Bascom's, wich is our fortress. Joe Big- 
ler and Pollock, ever sence the faleyoor uv the last croosade (wich wuz 
postponed on account uv the weather), hev bin perpetooally and persist-: 
ently inflamin the minds uv our wimmin, till they hev their rage worked 
up to a degree that is terrible. Mrs. Pollock and Mrs. Bigler hev bin 
puttin on all their store cloze, and goin out all day callin on the wives and 
dawters uv our citizens. For instance, they'd go to Lucindy Gavitt (Issa- 
ker's wife), all rigged up in silks and furs and dollar jooelry, and sieh. 
and tell Lucindy that ef Issaker wood only save his munny insted uv; 
spendin it at Bascom's, she cood hev all these things jist ez well ez not.^ 
And then all the woman in Lucindy wood be stirred up, and she v/ood 
more than howl. When Lucindy saw that these two wimmin hed actoo- 
al stockins on, she swore that she wood never rest till Bascom wuz bustid. 

We knew uv all this, and trembled. The frost wuz gittin out uv the 
ground; fair, warm days wuz a comin, and the raid onto us cood not be 
much longer postponed. Our wimmin cood get out ez soon ez it wuz warm 
enuff for em to go out without shoes, and we knowd that when they 
cood get out they wood. 

"Will they ccme In and smash in the barrels?" asked Bascom. 

"Precisely so*" - . 



'^&t kin we do?" groaned Deekin Pogram. 

"Wat kin we do?" was the ekkoin anser uv every wun nv em. 

"This is wat we kin do," sed 1 promptly. "Let G. W. take the barrels 
this afternoon, and roll em out into his barn, where these cussid wimmia 
can't possibly find em, keepin a single demijohn — an hour's supply — in the 
bar. Ef they come and smash, why they kin only smash a gallon at a 
time, and the enemy kin never git at our magazeen. Kev I spoken well?" 

"Like a sage — like a sage! It is well— it is well!" 

Bascora consented, and we all turned in to help him roll the barrels 
f»ut. Never did men work with such zeel. It seems ez tho there is suthin 
jispirin in the rollin uv barrels. I cood work at it forever. 

TVe got em all safely in the barn, Bascom drawd out a demijohn, and 
^re felt comparatively safe, no matter Vv'at shood happen. 

Night came on, and at ten p. m. I left Bascom's to go to my humble 
Ijed. at Deekin Pogram's. Ez I approached his dwellin I fell into a trane 
v.v thot. I hed only hed five drinks, avid I felt a longin for more. I wanted 
tjj be filled up for wun t— to hev, for one time, all that I cood lay to. I 
I' lot to myself, there is them barrels in Bascom's barn. Wat is to prevent 
I- le from gettin a bottle and goin there, and draw it full, and for wunst in 
fViy life hev a self-satisfyin fullness? Nothin. I hed marked the location 
irv them barrels, and I cood go in the dark to em ez well ez in the glare 
» 7 the broad day. 

I determined to do it. I went to my room and got a bottle and went 
I'lro the alley on wich the barn stood. Caushusly scalin the fence I crept 
l^nto the barn, and crawled up to the barrel wich hed the fawcet in. I 
^, uz enveloped in Cimmerian darkness. I reached out keerfully to find 
1/te fawcit, when I heard a rustlin sound ez tho somebody else wuz neer. 
) laid still on my abdomen till the sound ceased. "It is nothin," I sed to 
b^ yself , and crawled up closter. — Confoosh'n! My hand struck a livin, hu- 
)van body! Drawin back hastily, my boot struck an obstacle, wich, ez 
>y{ the exclamash'ri wuz wrung from it, remarked, "Thunder!" Jest then a 
»'X.atch wuz drawd, a candle wuz lig^hted, and— Tabloo! 

There stood Bascom erect, with a pained expression onto his coun- 
0' nance, and on their abdomens, each with a bottle in his hand and crawlin 
ti 'wards the barrel, wuz Deekin Pogram, Capt. McPelter, Issaker Gavitt, 
Klder Pennibacker, and evry wun uv era wich wuz in Bascom's when the 
arrangement wuz made to move the barrels, and wich assisted in movin 

em. 

The thot that hed okkured to me hed likewise okkured to all the rest. 

I wuz the only one who hed preS:jnce uv mind. I dropt my bottle 
afore I riz, and springin to my feet, I denounct em for the breach uv faith 
tl\ey wuz committin. 

"Wat are yoo here for?" demanded Deekin Pogram. "Didn't yoo come 
here for jist wat we come for?" 

"Did I come here with a bottle?" I replied. "Did I come here like 
a thief in the night, to pilfer our good friend's sustenance? Oh, yoo vipers! 
Can't yoo wait till the mornin, or ef yoo must hev yoor nip, can't yoo 
gi> like men to the bar, and hev em charged to yoo? I blush for the 
Corners" 

They all slunk out, leavin me and Bascom alone. 

"It's all very well. Parson," sed he, his eye glittrin crooelly. "You 
dx-apt yoor bottle skillfully. Did yoo spose I wuz sich an ijeot ez to leeve 



180 The i^A^BY Lx«eE8. 

all this likker all alone doorin a nlte? N«t any. Go too, yoo hoary-b«&4«d 
deceever." 

And he turned me out, and put a padlock on the barn, and I went sor- 
rowfully to my home ez drj"^ ez a lime-kill. Better for me wood it hev bin 
ef I bed never thot uv it. Better never hev a hope than hev it fail. But 
there remains to us jest wat we bed before. This escapade don't dry up 
any uv our sources uv supply, and we hev it so fixed that all the wimen 
in the Comers can't interfere with gitten our regler drinks. Thank Heaven 
for BO much. PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 

(wich wuz Postmaster.) 

THE QUESTION OF TAXES AT THE CORNERS. 

-- '; Confedrit X Roads, 

, ' (Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 

March 29, 1874. 

The taxes at the Comers hev bin for some years terribly high, and 
this spring when the time came to pay em, the people murmured. We sed 
it is too bad to waste so much money on taxes, when there is so much 
likker in the land wich money wood buy; and the niggers and others at the 
Comers wich don't stimulate sed it wuz a pitty that so much uv ther sub- 
stance shood be taken in taxes uv wich they got no good. 

Bigler and Pollock, onto whose bed lite cusses, ez yoosual, took up the 
cry and ekkoed it. Ef we bed the sense uv a yearlin calf we'd hev dropt it 
the moment Joe Bigler pickt it up, for when did he ever jine us except to 
bring us to confooshin? 

But we did ekko Joe's words— Bascom in pertikeler — and we deter*- 
mined to hev a meetin to consider the question uv taxes, and to ascertane 
whether or not we coodn't redoose em in some way. 

And George Washinton Bascom, the idiot, furnished the wood to heat 
the hall, and the taller candles to lite it; thus furnishin the whip with 
\«hlch to scurge hlsself. 

We met at early candle-lilln, and I wuz made chairman, uv course. I 
stated to the meetin that taxis bed risen to a pint that crushed us. I felt 
myself that ef they cood not be lessened I shood be compelled to quit the 
Comers^ 

"Thank Hevin!" involuntarily ejackelated Deekin Pogram. 

"Not that I pay taxis myself, but they so grind the citizens ez to make 
keepin me a serious matter." 

And I continyood by invitin any one to say wat they bed to say. 

Bascom rose and remarkt that taxis bed got to a rooinous pint, and he 
pledged hisself to yoose all possible diligence in assertainin the coz uv the 
high taxis, and unrelentin viggelance in rootin out the coz when he bed 
found It. He moved the adopshen uv thte foUerin resolooshea: 

Resolved, That it is the sense uv this meetin that the increase, year by 
year, uv taxashen in the Corners, hez bin so great ez to eggscite the most 
serious alarm, and that we pledge ourselves to yoose all possible means to 
ascertane the coz, and remove it forthwith. 

The resolooshen wuz yoonanimously carried. 

Then Joe Bigler rose, with Pollock behind him, a eggia him on and sup- 
portin him. 

Joe remarkt that he hed notld the regler increase uv taxes each year 
with alarm, and he hed made some notes, feelin that he cood show how it 

WU2. 

And tko ecuni pulled out uv his breast pocklt a lot uv papers. , 



Thi; Naibt Lbttiju. ISl 

"Here," sed he, "I hev figgrered up — me and Pollock— wat the county 

poor-house costs us, and I find it's terrible. Six thousand dollars is the 
sum totle. Doorin the yeer. old Spiggins hez bin taken there, and his wife 
ind his ideot dawter, for Spiggins spent all his time and money at the bar 
uv our esteemed friend Bascom till he got to be so demorali'^ed ez to be In- 
capable uv pervidin for hisself. Then Thompson's wife and children are 
there, too. Thompson, yoo will remember got drunk one nite at Bas- 
com's and fell off the bridge on his way home and wuz drownded. Then 
there's the Huggins children and Sammy Smith's children, all uv em per- 
vided for by taxation. Let's see," sed this disturber, "Bascom, yoo hev 
Smith's forty akers, hevn't yoo?" 

Then Pollock he riz. 

"I don't agree with Mr. Bigler," sed this hory-headed deceever. "in 
ascribin the high taxis to our public charities. Uv course the poor-houses 
costs m.oney, but that Is only a small part uv it. Its the criminals that 
squeeze us. I hev made a few figgers wieh \^^ll show how it is. Too all 
know the circumstances uv the Mackentosh matter. Sam Mackentosh got 
drunk at Bascom's, and went home, and Mrs. Mackentosh not hevin sup- 
per ready, Samyooel split her hed open with an axe. Sammy wuz in jail 
eighteen months, wich we hed to pay for— he wuz tried three times and 
finally hung. It cost us on a ruff calkelashun, about six thousand dol- 
lars to hang Mackentosh, countln from the time he got drunk at Bascom's. 
«ixcloosiv uv the cost uv berryin his wife and takin keer uv his children 

ulnce. 

"Then yoo remember the Magrath trouble. Sim Magrath and Tim Ed- 

fcon got drunk at Bascom's." 

"Why do yoo perpetooally refer to our esteemed friend Bascom?" 
bhriekt I, seein that G. W. wuz tumin ez pale ez he cood turn. 

"I reely don't mean to offend nobody, but I must be historikelly kor- 
lect. Sim Magrath and Tim Edson got drunk at Bascom's, and from 
there they went to Allen's place, and quarreled with Allen, and sot his 
liam on fire. The Judge woodn't take into account the fact that they 
wuz drunk, but sent em to the penitentiary, wich cost us five or six thou- 
land more. They sed they woodent hev done It ef they hedn't bin drunk." 

"Then Sandy Johnson who drawd a knife on Pfete Larkin and carved 
him. They wuz both a drinkin at Bascom's when " 

"I pertest agin all this kind o' talk!" shrieked Bascom, who by this 
time seed wat they wuz drivin at. "I pertest." 

"It won't go, G. W.," retorted Bigler, "fax is fax, and we must hev em 
out. I insist that our charities do cost more than the criminals, Mr. Pol- 
lock to the contrary notwithsptandin. Does Mr. Pollock remember the Pad- 
dlefords? Old Paddleford wuz alluz drinkin at Bascom's; then Seth, his 
oldest boy got into It, and then Andy, and finally the old woman herself, 
and the children are all at the poor-house. I say—" 

"Will Mr. Bigler pretend to say that the Paddlefords cost the county 
ez much ez the single case uv Artemus Jenkins, who, after he got drunk at 
Bascom's, stabbed Abslum Parkins?" 

"Wat did that amount to?" sneered Bigler, "compared to the cost 
the county wuz put to In carin for John Otis, who, at Bascom's bar, 
dropped down In a fit, and became " 

"O bosh," retorted Pollock, **1 Insist " 

"But," I sed hastily, **an our taxes ain't for criminals and paupers. Is 
they? How about yer rxKtOsT* 



182 The Nasbt LcrnsES. 

"We aint spent a dollar on the roads for six years," retortld Pollock. 

"And the skools?" 

"All that the county has paid for skools from the time the first settler 
struck here aint ez much ez we paid for the hangln uv Sam Mackentosh. 
We hev bin very ekonomikle in the matter uv roads and skools. I insist — " 

"And I insist," sed I, "that this thing come to an end. This meetin is 
adjourned r* 

"All rite. Parson,** sed Bigler, and he and Pollock walked off, laffln hi- 
lariously. 

After them two hed gone we re-organized, and sot some time In silence. 

"Parson," sed Deekin Pogram, "wat shel we do?" 

"I hev written a resolooshen or two wich covers the pint," sed I, and 
presentid them ez follows: 

Resolved, That taxes aint ez high after all ez they might be, exceptl^t 
uv course them ez is imposed by the t>ranicle, consolidated government ac 
Washington. 

Resolved, That sich taxes ez may result from the abuse uv the ordir>« 
ary comforts uv life by our fellow citizens we shel pay cheerfully, feeliii f^ 
to be our dooty to bear our sheer uv the burdens laid onto us. 

Resolved, That our confidence in our fellow-townsman, G. W. Bascoii . 
is unabated. 

These resolooshens wuz passed yoonanimusly, and Bascom invited tl'i 

entire meetin over to his place to take suthin. Thus wuz the dangers /» 

the Comers, devised by them two wretches. Pollock and Bigler, happU? 

arres ted. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 

(Wich wuz Postmaster.) 
I THE WOMEN MAKE A KAID ON BASCOM. 

Confedrlt X Roads, 

' <Wlch Is in the State uv Kentucky), 

April 6, 1874. 

The cyclone, whose wrath we hoped hed bin spent In futile endeavorw., 
hez finally smote us, and we are sufferin under the blow. The wimnuwt 
uv the Comers rlz In their mite on Friday. 

The sun rose brite and smilin from the eastern horizon — the frost wut 
%11 out uv the ground, and the day wuz warm and balmy. Deekin Pograra 
came down the road barefoot and hilarious. "It's warm enuff," sed thj» 
old innocent, "to go without shoes! Thank Heaven, I shel not hev that ex- 
pense on me for seven long months." 

The Corners alluz rejoices when its citizens kin leave off shoes in th* 
spring. 

Bascom turned away and wept. 

"Why do yoo weep?" sed Pogram. "Ef I don't hev to buy shoes yoo 
will hev jist that much more for likker for me." 

"Alars!" shreekt Bascom, "can't yoo see that the warm weather wich 
enables yoo to come without shoes, also enables the ^ women to walk th« 
streets without shoes? And hezn't Pollock and Bigler and them cussea 
bin incitin em to rage, and hevn't they bin a bilin in agony to get at me, 
but wua providenshly preventid by the weather? They'll be here to-day, 
shoor, and then " 

And Baseom bowed his head and wept agin. 

Wat Bascom prognosticated did reely occur. At 10 o*clock perclsely a 
drlf^gatthen of wimen, headed by Lucindy Gavitt, filed around the corner 



Ths Kasby Letteks 183 

and approached the grocery. We stood on the porch In an agt>ny of feer. 

"They are comin," sed Deekin Pogram, tremblin ez tho he bed ager, 
"ez terrible ez a army with banisters." 

"Can't we fool em out uv this?" sed Bascom. 

"Wood that we cood," sed Issaker, "but I doubt it. Ludndy is a 
runnin this thing and she's akoot. Too can't play any vermifuge on her." 

"Subterfuge, yoo fool," sed I. "In sich a time ez this, be correct wat- 
ever yoo are." 

Slowly they approached. BascOm turned pale, and leevin the porch 
^Dok his posishen behind the bar. 

"Here," sed he, "I will endoor the shock. Here where I hev lived and 
bed my bein will I die." • 

The enemy come on. until the head uv the perseshen reeched the porch. 

^lUcindy bore a banner on wich wuz written: "Liz Bascom hez stockins 

-we hevn't. Death to Bascom!" and pokin it in my face ez she passed me, 

»^e marched with the tread uv a greradeer into the room, and took up her 

l!«-osishen in front uv the bar, where she looked Bascom square in the face. 

•"The regler thing," sed Lucindy, "ez I hev heerd, is for the wimln to 
>*,-ay. Kin yoo pray, Mrs. Pogram?" 

"Nary," replied Mrs. P. "Sich a thing wuz never heerd in our house." 

"Kin yoo pray, Mrs. McPelter?" 

"Nary." 

"And ther can't none uv us. The fact is that we wuzn't brot up to it. 
» don't bleeve there's a woman within four miles uv Bascom's — onless its 
♦ newcomer— who kin. But it don't m.atter. I hev bin looMn at Bascom 
for five minits, and I don't bleeve prayer wood hev any effe-jt onto him. 
Its works we want here — works with him— works!" 

And the infooriated woman, pullin her sleeves back, displayin an arm 
.'dch a long course uv splittin wood, and hoein raters, and whalin Issaker 
led made ez muskaler ez a blacksmith's, uttered her war-whoop: 
" Remember, gentle sisters, Liz Bascom hez stockins, and 
pre hain't none — our husbands sell com wich we grow, to pay 
Rtascom for llkker! More stockins and less likker!" 

With this ejackelashen, she sprang over the low counter and throttled 
Bascom, bearin him to the floor. 

"Now, sweet sisters," sed she, "while my frail and fadin strength lasts 
I will hold this man uv Belial safely— lie still, yoo broot— be it yoor work to 
go for them bottles and barrels! Go for em — Bascom's wife hez stockins!" 

A dozen uv em drawd axe helves from under their aperns and kep us 
ofC, while the rest went inside the bar, and rolled out the barrels and jugs 
and split em open. The precious flooid ran out on the floor and disap- 
peared betwixt the cracks thereof forever. We cood do nothin but look on 
and weep. 

Finally when the last barrel wuz bustid and the last bottle broken, 
Lucindy let Bascom up and the perseshen, wild with eggscitement, 
marched out uv the place and dispersed. It wuz a pitiful site! Them emp- 
ty barrels wuz mute witnesses uv our woe — them broken bottles hed 
each a tale uv distress to tell. There wuz an aroma uv 
^•ikker risin from the floor and that wuz all. But who cood 

)ive on an aroma? 

^TTiank Heaven!" sed I, "we hev that reserve In the stable left. We 
Wn live on that till yoo git ci new stock in.** 



^^ The Nasbt Lisr-iKRS. 

•Tf«, yo© caa't,** replied Bascom, his voice broken with emoshun. **No 
yoo cant. That barrel wuz in among the rest." 

"Why, oh why, did yoo do that?" I askt. 

•*Kln yoo ask me after the hite yoo attempted to steal It?" sed he. 
•Td sooner trust it with the wimmin than with yoo. Dooplicity meets 
its own reward. Hed yoo played fair, yoo wood hev hed a barrel to go on. 
Ez It is, there ain't a drop in the Corners, and none kin be bed from 
Looisville for six days." 

At this Deekin Pogram dropped a stave wich he hed bin lickin, and fell 
faintin to the floor. Issaker Gavitt, Elder Pennibacker and Capt. McPelter 
turned away sorrowfully. 

"Ain't there suthin to revive tfie good old man?" I shriekt in agony, 
feelin that Bascom must hev a privit bottle somewhere. 

"Yes," sed he, "I relent. I pervided for this catastrophy. I bored a 
hole In the floor here, where It is the lowest. Under that hole, in the cel- 
lar, I put a tub. Go down and bring up a wash-basin full and revive 
him." 

Droppin the old man's head, I ran. There wuz three Inches In the tub. 
FllHn two Quart bottles wich I found there and puttin them in my pockets, 
I hastened up with the wash-basinful and held it to his nose. He drew a 
long breath and fastened his lips to the edge. He swallered! he wuz saved! 

We are yet without likker. The Corners is ez dry ez a lime-kill. I 
hid my two bottles where they can't find em, and four times a day I go and 
take a modrit nip. But they can't last long, even yoosed ez sparinly ez I 
do. Deekin Pogram is askin me evry day uv my opinyun uv the here- 
after, arid the rest uv em wood leeve the Comers ef they hed any earthly 
way uv gettln out. Bascom hez ordered a new invoice, but Hevin knows 
when It will come. Ez I hev but a pint left, may the day be not far dis- 
tant. Curses on Pollock and Bigler who did this thing. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
(Wich wuz Postmaster.) 

MB. NASBY AND HIS FEIENDS GUARD AGAINST TAB 

CRUSADERS. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is In the State uv Kentucky), 
April 25, 1874. 
When the wlmmln destroyed wat whisky Bascom hed on hand, two 
weeks ago, a gloom settled onto the entire Corneis. With the excepshun 
uv the little saved, wich dripped thro the floor, there wuz not a drop uv 
anything within reach. Parched, burnt up, I exclaimed one mornin In 
agony, with the anshent mariner: 

"Water, water everywhere^ 
But not a drop to drinJc" 

Three days passed, and Deekin Pogram staggered into Bascom's, faint- 
in and well nigh exhausted. 

"Hev the supplies come yit?" askt the good old man. 

"Nary!" sed Bascom, a teer glitrin in his left eye, and rolled pen- 
sively down his face, washin out a furrow for itself ez it rolled. 

In one comer, on a nail-keg sat Issaker Gavitt with his face berried in 
hia hands, the pikter uv woe, while Kernel McPelter laid out on a bench 
breattila heavily. 



Thi Nasby LETTfias. 185 

Imagine men !n the grate Sahayra Desert with ther water ali gi_.ae. 

Imagine men on a raft in mid-ocean with no water! 

Then yoo will git a faint idee uv the condishen we wuz in. 

At last one mornin Bascom's oldest son, Jehial, who hed kept at th« 
6tashen at Secessionville all the time for two weeks, with a single wagon, 
wuz seen ridin down the hill urjin the mule to its utmost speed. 

"Hooray!" sed Bascom, "it hez come at last!" 

Immejitly there wuz a change. Deekin Pogram riz, and fallin on hla 
knees sed devoutly, "Thank Kevins!" Issaker sprang to his feet, and El- 
der Pennlbacker and McPelter shouted, "Ha! Ha!" with ez much power 
ez they hed left in 'em. 

Thank the Lord the mule didn't baulk. Ez ef Impressed with the im- 
portance uv its mishen, it come up gallantly to the door, and backed up 
squarely, that the precious load mite be easily and quickly taken out. It 
wuz unloaded safely; the splgut wuz driv In, a bottle wuz filled, we drank 
the revivin draft and wuz saved! 

But how to pertect our treasure wuz the question. Lucindy Gavitt had 
«wore that she wood bust every barrel v llkker that wuz brot to the Cor- 
ners, and we knowd she wood keep her oath ef it wuz possible. 

Issaker sejested that she be plzened, but the Idee wuz yoonanimously 
rejected. 

"Hev I no friends?" askt Issaker. "D« yoo all hate me?" 

A good many other plans wuz discusst to head ofiC this terrible female, 
but none uv em seemed feasible. 

At last I hit it. I sed that we must guard it with our strong rite 
krms. Let us arm ourselves with axe-helves, and go out on each uv the 
ilour roads and stop by force every woman who appears on the street, on- 
less it is certain she hez no hostile Intenshyns. Let us go In twos — eight 
will suffice. Let us be stern and inflexible. 

Bascom thought the sejestion wuz a good one. 

'*Uv course," sed I, "the pickits will be entitled to their sustenance, 
jratls, while in active service?" 

"Certainly!" sed Bascom, "at regler Intervals, when no enemy is in 
ette, they may come in and get a refresher and git back to their dooty." 

Then came a trouble wich I hed not anticipated. Every man in the 
Corners volunteered to go on guard dooty. That free drink wuz a bounty 
wich fetched em. 

It wuz finally announced that we shood take turns at it. Myself, Dee- 
kin Pogram, Issaker Gavitt, Capt. McPelter, Absulum Pettus, Zach Por- 
geous. Elder Pennlbacker and Sim McGrath, I selected for the first day's 
dooty. I put myself in the first day, for I wanted the first pull at the ar- 
rangement, hevin an idea how it wcod come out. 

The Deekin and I volunteered to take the post uv danger, wich wuz 
the south road onto wich Lucindy Gavitt lived. 

We went out and took our stashuns, and looked up the road and down 
the road. 

"There is no wimmin in site, is there?" sed the Deekin. 

••Nary!" sed I; "the coast is clear!" 

"Parson, the coast bein clear. Isn't it time that we go down to Bascom':^ 
for the refresher he spoke uv? This is fearfully tryin dooty." 

I agreed with the Deekin, thg-t, bein old men, we needed suthin bracin, 
and down we went. Ez we entered the door we wuz astonished to wee the 
•dier Btx, at the bar, ail a tsikin their drinks. 



W© sat «urs and went back, and again viewed the field. It wuz stin 
quiet. Lucindy wuz, it wuz evident, not yet ready to move. 

"Deekin," sed I, "doth the foe appear?" 

"Nary foe," sed lie. "The enemy is not in site." 

"England expex every man to do his dooty, Deekin, but hein't we bet- 
ter amble gently to Bascom's, and git a sustainer? This is fearfully ex- 
haustin." 

Before the words wuz out uv my mouth the Deekin hed made a doze^i 
rods. I wuz pleased to see the old man so active. We reached Bascom's 
in a very shc«*t time — ^very short, indeed, and there, somewhat to my sur- 
prise stood the other six, all crookin the pregnant hinges uv the elbow. 
Bascom did not hev a pleased expression on his countenance. 

Agin we departed for our posts, and we peered up and down the road. 
We saw suthin movin out uv Issaker's house! It wuz a female. The sec- 
ond look reveeled the muskeler form uv Lucindy! She hed her sun-bu>4- 
net on and a axe in her hand! 

"Deekin," sed I, "stand firm. That enraged woman is a goin for Bai*- 
com. Let us acquit ourselves like men." 

The Deekin's nose grew blooer, but his lips closed ominusly. I felt C 
cood depend on him. But Lucindy didn't go out the front door-yard. Shti 
hed come out to split wood, and she split, and takin an armful went bac h 
into the house. He wuz nervous with excitement, 

"Parson!" sed the Deekin, "I'm all unstrung. I thought the hour u / 
conflict hed come. This drain on my nervous system is too much. I muu t 
hev a soother." 

And we went. I wuz frozen with astonishment. The first site thai 
met my eyes ez we entered Bascom's, wuz the other six a standin batiiii 
from the bar and lissenin to Bascom, who wuz gesticulatin wildly. 

"This little game is played out," sed Bascom- "You git no more likkti./ 
uv me except in the regler way." 

"But Bascom," sed I, "ef we guard yoor property, its ez little ez y<>4i 
kin do to keep us in refreshments. Consider our ardoous servis." 

"Bah!" wuz the reply. "Yoo've bin on dooty an hour, and yoo'vw 
drunk four times, wich is to say thirty-two drinks in an hour. I've be^it 
exercisin a little arithmetic while yoo wuz out, tho yoo didn't stay awa^ 
long enufC to give me time to do a aura in simple multiplicashen decently 
But in a barrel there is about twelve hundred drinks — ^at this rate yoo'/t 
drink a barrel in two days. This looks to me as tho yoo wuz pertektin yooi' 
property insted uv mine. I don't want my property pertekted on these 
terms. Such pertekshen may be suffishent, but it's rather expeiK* 
stve. I ** 

"But, G. W.," I replied, "do yoo want these wimmin a raidin on yoor 
premises? Do you want this precious flooid a runnin all over this floor agin?' 

*'I wood ez soon see it a runnin all over this floor ez to see it a runniji 
down yoor throats, gratis. I don't see that it makes any difference to m* 
where it runs, ef I don't git nothin for it. Gentlemen, it's money or no 
likker.** 

And here it ended. Bascom wuz inflexible. The grocery hez no or- 
ganized pertekshun. Ef we hev no money, we kin git no hkker, and with- 
out likker we shel git too weak to hev the power to resist. Whenever Lu- 
cindy and her petticoated hosts appear, they will hev an easy victry. I 
9m wlthoet hope. PETROLEUM V. NASBT. 

CKrk:fa wuz Postmaster.) 



The Na8bt Lettbm. 187 

TROUBLE WITH THE NBGEOBS AT THE CORKBJtS. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Sept. 1, 1874. 

The nigger Insurreckshun wlch shook the Corners from center to cir- 
caxntRrence, attracted the attenshun uv the governor uv this noble state, 
and h» come down to see ef suthin coodent be done to arrange the matter 
with a view uv hevin peece spread her white wings over this distracted 
seckshvin. He didn't order any uv us arrested, for, ez a rool, noboddy is 
ever ar/vsted for murder in Kentucky but niggers and paupers, and he 
didn't doem it advisable to arrest any niggers, onless we insisted onto it, 
wich we didn't, for we claim to be able to fite our own battles with our op- 
pressors, without the aid uv the State. 

But the (governor did advise conciliashen and harmony. Said he: 

"Why CA^'t yoo compermise with these people? Why don't yoo con- 
cede suthin I'd them, and they concede suthin to yoo, and work and live 
together in ^«ece? It wood be better." 

Bascom SMNive he'd be blest first, afore he'd affiliate with any nigger. 

"Ain't yoo standin in yoor own lite?" replied the governor. "Think uv 
It Ef yoo WTk» on good terms with them niggers, coodn't yoo hev em 
for customers at yoor bar?" * 

"I see," sed Bascom, "and hale the sejestion. They pay cash." 

"And I see a politikle pint In it," I exclaimed joyfully. "Let em git 
to be regler custaiijers uv Bascom's, and they'll all be Dimocrats in six 
months. No Republiken kin drink this likker and endoor." 

And It wuz agreed that we shood ishoo a request to the niggers uv the 
CornCTS that, throwlu aside all prejoodisses and all feelin that hed grown 
out uv the late onph^osantnis, ez well ez the recent small ones, they shood 
meet the white Deniocrisy in a People's convenshun, and yoonite in po- 
- litikle ackshen, with a view to hevin hereafter that peece and good feelin 
without wich no com/iiunity cood be reely prosperous. 

I wrote the call aftd it wuz sent out. 

The niggers consulted over it, and decided that it wuz wat they 
wantid, percisely. They expressed theirselves willin to forget all that he d 
happened, and to co-<^;>erate with us In bringin about the era uv good 
feelin. 

Accordingly a convenshun wuz called to nominate corporashen officen?, 
to be composed uv citizens. Irrespective uv color, assurin our colored fe> 
f low-cltlzena that they shood come in with us on a fair and ekitable footln, 
and that they shood hev an even show with us in everything. 

The day uv the convenshun the niggers wuz present in full force, and 
for prudenshal reasons it wuz deemed advisable that the whites shood also 
put In an appearance to an extent to over-balance em, wich we did. 

For the sake uv effeck, I called a nigger preacher (who is a sort uv 
a leeder among em) to a seet on the platform and shook hands with him. 

•*! trust yoo are well," I sed corjilly. 

•Tollable," sed he. "I hain't got all the buckshot out uv my shoulder 
yet, but de ole woman sez de balance will come out uv itself." 

Issak^> Gavitt hed drawd a beed on him the week afore. 

After several speeches. In wich the Comers wuz congratulated on tho 
prospeek uv peece, good will and harmony, nominashens wuz in order. 

iBsaker Gavitt promptly nominated G. W. Bascom for mayor, wich wuz 
mtof tkM ntfTfr^^s bed a chance to sajr anTthiaf. 



m TSI KaSBT LtSTTSBS. 

Then Deekfn Pogram moved that Capt. McPelter be yoonanimously 
nominated for marshal, wich wuz put and carried . before any discussion 
coed be hed. 

At this pint, the nigger element In this Citizens' convenshun com- 
menced fermentin. The preecher rose and wantid to know, afore any other 
nominashens wuz made, just eggsactly wat a citizens' convenshun wuz. j 
When the colored citizens wuz invited to partissipate, it wuz presoomed i 
that there wood be some deference paid to em, and that 

He didn't get any furder, for I called him to order, and reprimanded 
him mildly for interdoosin topics calkelated to disturb the operashuns uv 
a convenshun called in the interest uv peece and harmony. Immejitly Cy~ 
mon McGrath nominated for constable Issaker Gavitt, wich wuz carried 
to wunst. 

The nigger preecher rose wunst more and insistid on bein heerd. 
He remarkt that the colored citizens hed bin invited to jine in a conven- 
shun that wuz for peece, and supposed that the offishels to be nominate"^ 
wood be sich ez wood enshoor peece. But the perceedins didn't soot hira 
much. Bascom hed bin nominated for mayor. It wuz at Bascom's hous* 
that the raid on the colored people hed bin decided on, and Bascom par»' 
ticipated in it. Capt. McPelter hed bin nominated for marshel. Capt. M<^• 
Pelter last Toosday killed a brother-in-law uv the speeker. Issaker Gavitt 
hed bin nominated for constable. The speeker hed in his body that mini I 
slugs from Issaker's shot gun. Ef the nominashens wuz to be all on ont 
side — ef they wuz to be all Dimokrats, and all men wich hed bin perse- 
kooters of the colored people, why then— 

Uv course I coodent stand that kind uv incendiary talk; I stopt him 
with the simple statement that while we wantid peece, and quiet, and sich, 
and desired to do ekal and eggsact justice, we wuznt agoin to allow n* 
niggers to interfere in any way that wuz onpleasant. And moreover— 

I didn't git any further with my speech, for by the time I hed uttered 
the word "moreover," Issaker Gavitt and Capt. McPelter hed become en- 
raged to a degree that admitted uv no reason. They went for them nig- 
gers fearful. Issaker happened to be near the preecher, and he gave him 
one under the left ear that wuz terrible, and that ended the harmony. 
The rest uv the white residents uv the Corners went for them niggers, and 
in less than ten minits all uv em wuz out uv that room, ceptin a dozen 
or more, who coodent get out owin to their injoories. 

Uv course the effort to bring about peece and harmony with the niggers 
Is a fallyoor. They are onreasonable. When they object to wat we want 
it riles the Corners, and when the Corners is riled there is no yoose uv at- 
temptln anything. The idea! To think that these people wood object to 
«ich men ez Bascom, Issaker Gaviti and Capt. McPelter holdin offls? 
Wat kin be done with sich people? Wat sense Is there In tryin to co- 
op«-ate with em? Uv course we wanted peece and harmony and co-optra- 
Bhm, but uv course we never cood consent that a nigger cood be nomi- 
nated for offis, or that a white man Identified with em, cood be. I hev bin 
Informed sence, that these wretches Intended to nominate Joe Bigler for 
marshal, and that they expected that half the ticket wuz to be made up 
uv their friends! 

I shel never attempt to co-operate with them onreasonable beins agin. 
It Is impossible for em to understand the sitooashen, or to comprehend 
their posishen. I am disgusted with em. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY. 
(Wich wuz Postmaster.) 



The l«iA8BY Letters. Ii9 

MB. NASBY TRIES TO GET HIS PEOPLE IN AN ADYANCBD 

POSITION. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is In the State uv Kentucky), 

Oct. 3, 1874. 
I hev bin for a long time convinst that the prinsiple trubble with the 
Democrisy wuz a sort uv laclc uv progressivenis, of adaptability, ef I may 
so speak, to changes in the requirements uv tha times. Dimocrisy has 
alluz bin In a rut, and it never kin git on to glory, in my opinyun, til It 
gits histed out uv it. 

I determined that the Cross-Roads, at leest, shood be progressive, and 
shood take the lead in makin Dimocrisy all that it ought to be. In short, 
I perposed to inoggerate a noo deparcher, and bring the old party up 
abreast with the live ishoos uv the day. 

To this end I consulted with Deekin Pogram, Issaker Gavitt and 
rapt. McPelter, and they agreed with me that that wuz wat ought to be 
done, and that no time shood be lost a doin uv it. Ever prompt, I se- 
gestid that we git together that very night, in the back-room at Bas- 
cora's, and draw up a progressive platform, wich shood go forth to the 
world ez the prinsipples uv the progressive Dimocrisy uv the Cross- 
Roads, wich we shood live by. 

But the ill-luck wich hez followed me all my life, and hez well nigh 
brot my gray hairs in sorrow to the gi-ave, wuz close behind me on this 
occashun. At five that afternoon, I wuz sent for to go to Secessionville to 
serve on a joory to try a nigger for hog steelin, wich uv course cood not 
be put off. I told Issaker, the Deekin and McPelter to git together, and 
draw up the resolooshens and send em to the county paper to insert. 

"Make em strong and peppery," I sed. "Avoid the musty noshens uv 
the dead past, and strike out suthin new and startlin. Make ^m pro- 
gressive, and put yourselves in accord with to-day. Remember that all 
old things must be done away with and all things must become new. Head 
off the Ablishnists and Grangers and sich by goin back onto the old, and 
being more progressive than even they are." 

With this advice I left and went to Secessionville and tried the nig- 
ger. We didn't waste any nme on evidence or anything uv that sort. Nor 
did we leave the box. We brought him in guilty, and to save the county 
costs hung him at once. 

I got home the next momin, and went to Issaker's, Immejit, to see 
wat they hed done. 

"Did yoo draw up them resolooshens?" I askt. 

"We did," sed he, "and sent em off, and they are In print afore thl» 
time." 

"Are they progressive?" askt L 

"Yoo bet!" sed he. 

"Did yoo Ignore old ishoos? did yoo draw a sponge over the past, 
knd are they full of live, new ideas?" 

"They are," sed he; "here is a copy uv em.** 

I took the paper and red: 

I 

"Whereas, It seems ez the the Corners hed a cjull to step In the front 
rank uv the progressive men uv to-day, and 

"Whereas, The Corners believin in progress, turns its back onto the 
dead past, and ignores the dead ishoos wich hez heretofore okkeoied th^ 
public mlBd; therefore be It -•' i«o 



•Tleselved, That the Dimocrtsy uv the Comers believe the war of 1812 
WW8 justifiable, and hereby return their thanks to the heroic soljers and 
salers who so nobly sustained tlie honor uv the coontry's flag in that des- 
prlt struggle. 

"Resolved that the resolooshens uv '98 meet our harty approval, tho we 
aint jest certin wat they wuz. 

"Resolved that the late war agin the South wuz conseeved in sin, and 
wuz a blow aimed at the only chivalry this country ever hed, and that 
the results therof wuz all brot forth in iniklty. 

"Resolved, That Afrikin slavery is not only justified by the Holy Skrip- 
ters, but is the normal thing for this or any other country. 

"Resolved, That we brand the emansipashen proclamashen ez em- 
anatin from a gorilla, and the constitushnel amendment abolishen slavery 
ez a fraud wich we are not called upon to recognize. 

"Resolved, That a nigger is a inferior bein, and that whoever asserts 
his rite to any ekality with the proud, sooperior Caucashen race is a fan- 
J^tJc and agitator, and ought not to be allowed to live in a free country. 

'■irteKoi- ed. 'iiiat --ve noid ste fasty to the doctrine uv States rites, the 
rite uv secession, and the rite uv each state to govern itself ez it dam 
pleases. 

"Resolved, That the laws agin marrying niggers should, for the per- 
tecksihun uv our young men be more rigidly enforced than ever. 

"Resol'/ed, That all legislashen agin the likker interest is uv '* 

1 cood read no longer. I dropped the paper and gnashed my teeth. 

*'Is tkis yoor idee uv suthin progressive?" I asked. "Is this yoor no- 
nhen uv bury in dead ishoos? Is this yoor idee of gettin into the van uv 
l>ublic opinyun and hevin some advanced noshens?** 

"It's all the Democrisy we knew anything about," sed Issaker, and 
Peekin Pogrram comin up remarkt that he hed stood onto sich a platform 
*z that ever since he hed voted, and it wuz good enuff for him. 

It wuz no use to argue with them, for they are iron-clads. I merely 
xemarkt to em that while they wuz about it they ought to hev resolved 
S'Uthin about the stamp act, Hampden's opposishen to ship-money, the 
Funic wars, Alexander's invashen uv Asia, and above all things they 
snood hev protestid agin the imposishen uv the Egypshens in requirin the 
Israelite to make brix without straw. 

"The trouble with them resolooshens is," sed I, with a witherin look at 
vm, "the subjex is too recent." 

And I strode hastily away. The resolooshens wuz in print, and will 
f;o North. Too cant git them old noshens out uv the head uv an old line 
Democrat any more than yoo kin keep em from drinkin corn whiskey. 
Jt hez alluz been my misforchoon to hev asses to deal with. Heaven help 
me, how much I hev to endoor at their hands. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBl?, 
(Wich wuz Postmaster.) 

MR NASBY GOES TO OHIO ON A POLITICAL EKR4ND. 

CThe state campaign in Ohio in 1875 Involved the absurdity so grraphic- 
ally showed up In the following letter — of the nomination by the Demo- 

>-■ ■ ■ ' ' . — u;t.- 1 ; money man for governor on a green- 

back platform, and of a man who was noted as a temperance orator for 
lieutenant governor when the platform contained a free liquor plank.) 

Pettuses Corners, 
(Wich Is in Suthern Ohio), 
August 2, 1875. 

Ther h«z bin a heep uv trouble crowdid into the seventy yeers that I 
her lived onto this earth — probably more than hez fallen to the lot uv any 
BMA now livin. Thexn ez hez seen ez much trouble ez I hev all died 



1h8 Kasby LETTfiAa. 195 

under It I live becoz uv a mind that laffs at misforchoon, and defies fate. 
And besides I hev suthin to live for. So long ez ther's a barrel uv whislcy 
attainable and a Dimekratic party, I perpose to exist. When they go out 
t shel probably succum. 

I am hevin my regler amount uv trouble now. Jest ez soon ez the 
aay come for the Dimekratic state convenshun at Columbus, I went over 
to Pettuses Comers, in Ohio, to assist in organizen that county for the 
snsooln eleckshun, for I realized the fact that ez Ohio goes this fall so 
the next Presidenshal eleckshun goes, and that the party calls upon 
9very DenK>crat to do his whole dooty. P'or me success nex t veer i^ 
:essity. That post offis at the Corners must be mine if ever. Failyoor 
jrould break my heart. 

Pettuses Comers is the most Dimekratic uv all the villages in Suth- 
ira Ohio. It hez a populashen uv say 500, wich supports six prosperous 
froseries, two good bars at taverns, and a small skool-house, wich hez 
•ever bin finished, and in wich the Methodists hold their meetins. It la 
I very small skool House, but it Is large enuff for the meetin- on Sunday. 
Ilie Inhabitants mostly devote thelrselves to politics and the groseries. 
['he county offishels pay for the likker uv the rest uv the citizens, wich 
I lakes it a soft thing all around. 

Uv course every Dimokrat In the county is born with the expectashen 
kV, some day, holdin a county offls. To be infirmary director Is glory— to 
»e county treasurer is the summit uv earthly grandyer. Them ez is suc- 
>*ssful start In ez Infirmary directer, then thay git to be county commish- 
»er, then the legislacher, then sheriff. At this pint most uv em goes 
lence with delirium tremens. Occasionally one whose stumick is glass- 
fned and backed up with fire-brick, goes on to be auditor and treaserer, 
•ut them Is excepshuns. To go the whole string, a tremendus constilushe.; 
% necessary. 

Ther ain't no money in holdin offls there, for it costs the entire splar^. 
he first year to sekoor the eleckshun, and the entire salary and a mort- 
age on yoor farm every yeer thereafter to keep it; but then an offishel 
an't treat a voter without drinkin likewise, so he hez a good time ef he 
oes rooin hisself. 

Naterally, however, some of them make thelrselves good by an occa- 
lonal defalcashen, and by spekelatin in county improvements; but opper- 
oonltles is limited In the county, and it won't do ez a reliance. 

I arrived at Pettuses the nite uv the day uv the convenshun, and 
niz welcomed with open arms. I got the Dimocrisy together to ratify the 
ominashens, that we mite go into the campane with that enthoosiasm 
iich Is necessary to success. We waited for the nominashens Impatiently 
!nd finally they came: 

For Governor— Willy um Allen. \ 
For Lieut. Grovemor— Samyooel F. Cary. 

"Three cheers," I sung out, "for Allen and Cary?* 

The cheers wuz given with a will. The Dimokrisy uv Pettus* Comers 
re excellent at cheerin. 

The platform adopted by the convenshen hadn't come to hand, but I 
Idn't care. I perceeded to draft a resolooshen or two, for I knowd the 
lindidates so we!l— I wuz so well posted ez to their antecedents and ut- 
?rances— that I felt perfectly certln wat the platform wuz on wich they 
Tiz placed, and I wrote the resolooshens accordln. The follerin wuz the 



1#2 Thx Nasbt LetteM. 

Resolved, That it Is the yoonanlmous expreshun uv the Dimokrisy ir 
Pettuses Comers, that in nominatin for g-overnor WlUyum Allen, the elc 
kent champion of hard money, the Dimoeratic state convenshun merits th 
gratitood not only uv the Dimocrisy uv the Yoonited States, but u 
eivery lionest man. Tliat his tringin denunciashen uv dirty rag--monej 
and his upholdin uv the old Dimoeratic idee uv hard money, will, in th 
fucher, ez in the past, be potent for the perteckshun uv a long-sufferin an 
oppresst people. 

"My friends," sed I, drawin myself up so ez to resemble Dan'l Wet 
ster ez much ez possible, "before yoo take a vote on this resolooshen, I he 
a word to say. Willyum Allen, Ole Bill Allen, honest Ole Bill Allei 
t8 emfatikally the people's friend. He is the natural enemy uv mo,.oj.ulist 
uv banks. and bankers*. and the most inveterate, vlndi< 
live, deadly enemy uv this flood uv rotten paper mone 
wich hez so long afflicted the kentry and blited its prosperity. Hones 
Olo Bill Allen hez from hiz infancy denounst papeB money ez the insidiou 
foe uv the workin manj the destroyer uv the farmer, and the oppressi\ 
weapon uv the bloated aristocrat. In the Senit and on the stump, b 
voice and pen, Honest True Ole Bill Allen hez demandid that gold, han 
honest gold, only shood be considered money, and that the dirty, filthy ra 
money ishooed by a black Republican Congris be stampt out. That d< 
znand he renoos to-day — that demand a Dimekratic state convenshun h« 
made by nominatin him, and let us, the Dimokrisy of Pettuses Comer 
nailin our kolors, 'Hard Money Forever!' to the mast, pass this res« 
looshen." 

The speech fecht em, and the resolooshen wuz passed with sich en 
phasls ez I never seed. Then three rousin cheers wuz given for Honej 
Ole Bill Allen, the friend uv the people and the hope uv the country — tl 
undaunted, vnpurchisable friend uv hard money, and the denouncer uv m 
money in watever shape it com©. 

So far so good. They passed this resolooshen easily, for ez none v 
em ever had any money they never v/uz pertikeler ez to wat pertikeL 
kind they endorsed, but the next step wuz reely a delikit one. I hs 
knowd Sam Cary for years, and knowd him ez the very hed and front i; 
the temperance party uv the state. I knowd he wuz a Son uv Temperan* 
and the most intolerable prohibishlnist this state hed ever bin cust wit 
I hed myself heerd him denounce the likker seller ez only fit to be hun 
and it hed bin my pleasin dooty to help rotten-egg him on several occ 
■hens when he wuz makin rabid temprance speeches. Hence I coode 
«uite understand why he wuz put upon the tickit. But I persoomed th 
our leaders hed determined on a bod stroke to ketch the teiu i n 
vote, relyin on the known characteristics uv the party to hold the whlsl 
vote. So to give Samyool a send-ofC I interdoost this resolooshen: 

Resolved, That the Dimokrisy uv Pettuses Comers endorse the noi 
Inashen uv Samyooel Cary heartily, and likewise the prinsiples he h 
so long and ably advocated. That the likker traffic is a evil wich sho« 
be mitigated and finelly eradicated 

There wuz some murmurln at this, but I tld em It wuz no yoose 
murmur; that we hed to carry the state, and that the end Justified t 
means. And the passed *t with three cheers for Cary and prohibishen. 

Then we adjourned 1o the various groseries. and the candidat 
"T^rked up a great deal uv Dimekratic enthoosiasm. 

The next momin we assembled at Splidden's grosery to get the Clnsi 



The Kasby Letters. 1^ 

y 

Tiatl papers with the full persedins uv the convenshun, wich wen they ar- 
rived I read. 

"Why this palenis of face and this grhastly bloonis uv nose?" demand- 
ed the sheriff. 

"Run!" I exclaimed, "run for yoor lives. Stop the Battle-Axe uv Free- 
dom (wich wuz the Dimekratic paper uv Pettus' Corners) from g:ittin out 
the perceedins uv last nite's ratification meetin." 

It wuz too late; the editor hed showd enterprise for just wunst In his 
life, and hed the paper out with the percedins in full, and a stunnln edi- 
torial endorsin the resolooshens. 

"Wat is the matter?" exclaimed the entire crowd, seein that suthin im- 
common moved me. 

"Gentlemen, we hev ma-de a mistake," I remarkt, with ez much cam- 
uls ez I cood command. "The Dimekratic state convenshun hez gone and 
)iOut old Bill Allen on a rag-money platform, and Samyooel Gary on a whis- 
ky platform. I will never trust a Dimekrat's record agin." 

There wuz only wun thing to do. The Dimekratic mind is flexible and 
rersateel. We merely met agin that nite and passed the rite 

resolooshens endorsin Allen and Gary, and the platform on 
wich the convenshun put em; and we passed em with just ez 
much enthusiasm ez we did em uv the percedin evenin, and everything la 
^serene and harmonious agin. 

I shel stay in this county and organize the party thoroughly before 
goln to my old Kentucky home. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Wunst Postmaster, and now Paper-money Missionary 

BlK. JNASBY OPENS THE 1876 CAMPAIGN WITH ADVICE TO 

HIS FEIENDS. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich Is In the State uv Kentucky), 
May 17th, 1876. 

Another campane is well-nigh onto a,nd I feel the blood a bilin in my 
vanes. Like the war boss turned out to grass — wich literally I hev bin 
ever sence the bustin uv the onlimited Trust and Gonfidence Gompany— 
t heer the blare uv the trumpet, and I prick up my ears and tale, and cry 
aa! ha! to the carnage. I smell the smoke uv the conflict, and I smell, 
ikewise, the plunder underneath that smoke. I see in the distance, suc- 
cess, and behint that success, post-offis. Postoffis! Postoffls! Deliteful 
i^ords! Wat Democrat is ther that woodent git enthoosiastic over that 
jrospeck! I shel go Into this campane with my sleeves rolled up. 

This is our last chance for a complete success. Success is wat we 
nust hev, and that we may attain that success, I shel throw out a few 
Vords uv admonishen, wich will be apples uv gold sot In 
Pictures uv silver. We hev bin pasturin on barren feelds 
oo long, and the fat bottoms of oflishl patronage kin only come Into our 
lands by acoot and skillful management. 

But ther is difficulties In the way, no matter where we turn. Dlm- 
Kirlsy Is a curious combination — a curios and singler mixter. In the East 
o be a Democrat Is to be a hard money man, uv the hardest possible 
ttrlpe — In the West to be a Democrat is to be a soft money man, uv the 
Mutest possible stripe- Tllden, uv Noo York, who wood like to carry the 
^iOBocnUlc banner to victory, proposes to put onto Its fol^ "Har4- 



IM Thi Nabbt Lsmsma. 

mcmeyf* AHen, uv Ohio, who wuz resurrected flrom his twenty years' 
sleep, on purpus to embarrass the party, proposes to put on the banner, el 
It is given to him, "Soft-money and no end on't." Ef we put up Tilden an; 
hard money, Allen and soft money kills hini— ef we put up Allen and sof( 
money, Tilden and his friends hev the sweetest kind uv a knife for his in 
nocent throte, and when we come to tariff and banks, there is an ekall\ 
onreconcilable differens uv opinyun. 

To reconcile these diffrences Is impossible. There ain't no yoose It' 
trjrin it, and I ain't a goin to. Dodgin is now, ez ever, the Democrat 
best holt. The man wich kin lift jist two hundred pounds shows mights 
little discreshn wen he strains hisself at 250, and I am a man uv discreshn 
We must hev nuthin to do with the questions on wich anybody differs. Ig 
n<Hin is wisdom. 

Ther ain't only on ishoo on wich the Dimocrisy kin plant itself, witi 
any hope uv success— only one question on wich there kin be perfect yoo 
nanimity— and that ishoo is Reform! On that we are a yoonit— on tha 
we kin agree ez sweetly ea a spring mornin. 

It is not my judgment alone that I depend onto in this matter. I he 
consultid all the leaders uv the party onto it— that is all the actooal lead 
ers, them ez actooally control things. I writ to that gileless patriol 
Willyum Tweed, Esq., who is now a pining on a furrin shoar in consa, 
kence uv a corrupt joory, wich enquired ez to wat he hed done with te' 
millions uv the public munney, and wuz not content to take his word for 1 
that he hed spent it legally. His anser wuz so strikinly in accordance wit 
my noshens uv things that I give the heart ev it: 

"Let our watchword be 'Reform and Purity in Official Posishen.' V 
my lawyers kin git them indictments squashed in time, I will come hon^ 
and help in the campane. I kin yit controle over two hundred s' loons il 
the lower wards uv the city, and ef I kin git back back I kin organli; 
my ©Id forse, and restore Tammany to its old posishen, ez the controller i* 
the IDimocrisy. The trick uv repetin hez not bin forgotten, and I kf 
handle them fellers ez well ez ever I cood. 'Reform and Purity* is n» 
watchword.** 

Peter B. Sweeny, who Is yit In Paris, a livin ruther quiet than othe) 
wise, wuz still more emphatic. He sez — ^but I will give his own words: 

"Reform Is wat we want. I am tired uv livin abroad, and I want 1 
git back to' Noo York. I want a hand in the comin campane, for I hev jis 
ez much power ez ever, ef I kin only git the cussid Republikins out uv tl: 
way. The repeeters ain't ded yit; and ez ship-loads uv patriotic Irishmei 
who are willin to take offis ez soon ez they land, are a comin every day, 
kin help to govern Noo York ez well ez ever I did. But wat yoo want i 
do Is to make this flte on reform and purity. Do this an 
git me and Tweed back, and we will make things hur 
There is Noo York and its tax levies for the victors, and ef tl 
currency, tariff, and all them miner questions are squelched, and the ba 
tie is fought on the simple question uv reform and personal purity 1 
offishl posishen we kin win It. Reform is our watchword, and that Is wj 
I insist upon. I am absent but not forgotten." 

Connolly, who Is resldin In Belgium, where there Is no extradishc 
treaty, and consekently where the laws uv the United States forchnlt 
can't reach him, wich makes him entirely Independent uv the country wl< 
he hez adoptid, writ me a letter In wich he give me his views ez to tl 
sltuashen, wich Is ez foMers: 

"I hev only wun Interest In the ensooln eleckshun—only wun. 
lonely e^gsile on a furrin shoar, J cast my eyes longinly to my native Iw 



The Nasbt Letters. l$i 

and ye«LTa fur It. Sence me and the rest uv old Tammany hev left Amerl- 
ky I he/ observed with more disgust than I kin put lansruag'e into, the 
corrupshens that hev eaten out the hart uv the country uv my adopshen. 
I earnestly hope that the Dimocrisy will take hold uv this thing in earnest 
and reform it. Wat we want is puiiry. Owin to circuiristances — wieh the 
same is indictments — I can't come back persnelly to assist in the shindy, 
but I pledge to yoo the yoose of my old and stanch repeeters in the lower 
wards of Noo York, wich, ef they kin depend onto havin their expensis 
paid aiid their whack in the otfises, and in contracks after the eleckshuns, 
kin be depended ou to do the work jist ez good ez ever they did. Let the 
platform be heavy and solid for purity and reform." 

Oakey Hall wants reform and purity, and in sich a coz he is willln to 
give a fourth uv the forchin he made when he was the astoot rite bower 
of Tweed, ' 

I hev heerd from em all. The Dimocrisy uv the Sixth ward uv Noo 
York, wher I wunst run a small grosery, are to a man for reform. Pen- 
dleton wants reform, and evei-y man wich wuz turned out of offls when 
Johnson went out is a clamorin for it. 

The Southern Dimocrisy wants reform. They say in their letters to 
me, "Give us a Reform platform, and we'll put away our shotguns, and 
keep our hands off the niggers till after the eleckshuns, shoor. 
We won't insist on our rites to kill niggers, and keep 
em from havin anything to do with matters, till the elecshun 
uv a Dimecratic President gives us the rite to do ez we please." Their 
constant remark is, "Go in heavy for Reform, and make that the one 
Ishoo.'* 

The dooty uv the party is clear. Give us a platform based entirely 
onto reform. We kin carry it. It is a great many yeers sence we wuz 
tn power, and by this time the people hev forgotten us and they will take 
OS eezy. If we do this we kin succeed beyond question. The Millenium 
ain't come yit, nor hez there bin any especial change in things. We hev 
the doggeries, the Catholic church and all the lower elements. They are al- 
luz ours, and they are ez strong ez ever. Until sin goes out uv the world 
there will be a Dimekratic party. Humanity in the United States is divided 
Into two classes— them ez wear clean shirts and sox, and— Dimocrats. 
And so long ez this division is observed we are sound. 

It is a good tim^e for us. Everything is in our favor. It hez bin a cold 
\ spring— the farmers are all behind with their work. Ther hez bin frost in 
places, wich hez destroyed the froot, and ther is a joyful prospeck uv v. 
short crop uv everything. The peoj^le is dissatisfied about it, and uv cours« 
they will charge everything to the administrashen. A failyoor uv the po- 
tato crop is worth thousands uv voies to theDimocrisy, any time. It i.3 
only when things is jist ez bad ez they can that anybody ever thinks uv 
goin to the Dimocrisy for a change. 

Wat we want is a good mouth-flllin platform— a platform wich looks 
well, and wich the pople will be satisfied with. Troo, wat is promised afore 
eleckshun and wat happens afterward is two things, but let to-morrow take 
care uv itself, Wat we want now U success. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
CWJch hopes to be PostmasterJl 



134 ThS NABJtY LxTTsas. 

MR KASBY'S EXPEKIENCB AT THE DEMOCATIC NATIONAL 

CONVENTION. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich Is In the State uv Kentucky), 
Joon 9th, 1876. 

I determined to hev a hand In the nominashen to be made at St. Loots, 
for in case we elect our candidate I hev a rather pressin desire to hev suth- 
In to say in the distribooshen uv patronage — that division uv spoils wich 
is alluz so pleasin to the weary soljer who hez won his fite. 

I wuzn't eggsackly pertickeler ez to wich candidate I supported, for, 
jest at this time I am ez flexible in my pref srences ez a kid glove. I sim- 
ply determined to throw my inilooence to the man who cood the best enable 
me to git square with the people uv the Comers, who hev so long and pa- 
shently give me credit for the food I hev et, and the likker I hev con- 
soomed. Cloze I don't keer much for; for the summer is onto us, and 
people will hang linen cloze out on the lines to dry em, and ef an enterurisijq 
man can't keep hisself comfortable at this season, it is becoz heis averse to 
midnite rambles. 

I shan't say who it wuz or wher it wuz done, but a prominent Dem» 
crat who is anxious to be persuaded to serve one term, at least, ez Presl 
dent, did furnish me with money to go to Washington to inflooence sich 
delegates ez mite be there, in his interest. 

When I got to Washington I wuz trooly sorry that I hed undertaken 
the work. 1 feared I shood fail, and twict I seriously thought ef it 
woodent be best, to saVe my reputashen, to quietly go to Canada, and re- 
main there permanently. But I felt that wood be a breach uv confidenc* 
and beside ther wuzn't money emiff to keep me till the affair should be for- 
gotten, and I cood come back honorably. So I determined that I wood b^ 
honest, and carry out my contrack faithfully. 

The question with me wuz, how to do it? Wood Dimekratic delegates- 
take money for their votes in a convenshun that wuz to decide the fatti 
uv the kentry? Never! I felt it wood be an Insult to offer it to em, and I 
really didn't care to. And my fecr increased when I heerd a dozen on em 
denouncin the usin uv money to inflooence delegates, I felt I shood 
hev to go back and refund the cash, wich nearly broke my hart. I wuz sad 
in hevin money to yoose among men uv sich Spartan virchoo that not 
wun uv em wood tech a cent uv it for their votes. 

But it happened on nite I wuz standin in the bar room at Willard's, a 
quietly takin another wun with a passel uv Democratic friends, when un- 
der the inflooence uv the last wun, I happened injudishusly to drop the 
remark that I hed money to yoose for a favorit son. I hev been leeky for 
some time past when I hev taken eight or ten drinks too much, and this 
wuz leekiness that wuz InexcooBible. But I sed it, arid had to abide the 
consekences. There wuz sich a change come over that crowd ez I never 
saw afore come over mortle men. 

"Wat is the number uv yoor room?" askt a dozen uv em glowrin at 
the rest, with looks uv wrath. 

"Wat hour kin I see yoo to-night?" eagerly demanded a dozen more. 

"I controle the delegashen uv my state!" whispered in my ear a dozen 
more. 

And Immejitly twenty delegates undertook to put their arras thro mln^ 



Tee Nasby LETTERft, 1^ 

and haul me off in different direcshung, and they pulled so vischusly that 
my coat, wich I borrowed uv Deekin Pogram to come in, wuz weli-nigh 
rooined. 

I got away from em, finelly, and got into my room. Then cards com- 
menst comin up from delegates froin every state in theYoonyun, to wich 
I paid no attention, for I .-aw the box I hed got into. 
In about five minits them ez sent the cards commenced 
comin theirselves, and I locked the door. But this did not avale. Four 
uv em got into a row at the door ez to wich uv em shood hev the first 
lick at me, and in the skrimniage they fell aginst the door and bustid it 
open. There wuz then no escape. The crowd poured in and I wuz 
pulled and hauled wuss than a stranger is by Noo York hackmen. 

"I kin controle the delegashen uv my state," shouted one, "and wat 
yoo hev to yoose on that state yoo want to give to me." 

"It's a lie!" shouted another patriot, "I hev that state in the holler 
uv my hand, and wat yoo hev devotid to that state will be wasted ef I 
don't git it." 

"I don't keer a cuss wat candidate yoo are figgerin for/' shouted another, 
"yoo can't nominate him until yoo hev seen me." 

"Gentlemen!" shouted I, 

"Heer!" yelled they all. 

And one enterprisin man pulled me to one side, and remarked that he 
hed the power to nominate any man he choosed, ef a trifle over four thou- 
sand dollariB cood be hed to fix up a few refractory delegates who wer^ 
then In Washington. 

They worried me so that I wuz well-nigh dead — at least I almost 
wished I were, and in despair I rushed to my burow-drawer, determined to 
take wat had bin entrusted to me and throw it among em, hopin in the 
scramble that would ensoo to get out safe. So a Rooshn mother throws 
her children to the wolves to save her own life. 

Frantically I rushed to that drawer, but, grashus hevins! It wuz open 
and the pockit book wuz gone! An akoot delegate hed stolen it, while the 
rest uv em wuz fitin over me. And wat wuz more aggravatin he hed taken 
my other shirt and a box uv paper collars that hed bin bot for me, that 
I mite make a decent appearance among the Washinton Dimocrisy. 

The moment this wuz announced they all left me and went fn pursoot 
uv the delegate wat hed the spoils. But, thank heaven, they didn't catch 
him. 

It's ruther discouraging when men who are In pursoot uv reform hev 
to encounter sich venality. Wat kin be expected uv a government when 
a party devoted to reform treats Its mishunaries In this way? How I 
am ever agoin to meet my candidate is more than I know. I am weary 
and sad, and besides I hevn't got enough money to take me home. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Wich hopes to be Postmaster. 

THE DISPUTED PRESIDENCY OF 1876. 
The following six letters cover the exciting period of the disputed Pres- 
Wential election of 1876, the Electoral Commission, and the inaugi.iration 
of Hayes: Confedrit X Roads, 

CWIch Is in the State uv Kentucky), 
January 1, 1877. 
The probabilities are that we are beaten for this time, and tliat for 
four long, dreery years the Dimocrisy will hev to feed upon dry husks. 



198 Thb Kasby LS¥¥£Sa. 

while our nateral enemies, the Radikels, are enjoyin the Joocy steaks uv 
ofBshl patronage. The Radikels hev bulldozed us, or ruther, our buU- 
dozin wuzn't uv any account. Our efforts wuz uselis, and our powder 
and buckshot wuz wasted. 

My first impulses wuz to give up the weary struggle, and go out uv 
politix, but I can't. I hev held oflis, and I can't relinquish the hope that 
I shel once more fill an ofRshl posishen, and live upon the people. 

But to do this ther hez got to be a change in the polisy uv the Dlmo- 
cratio party. It wont do any longer to depend on printid matter and 
speech-makin. Wat it called "appeels to reeson" must be abandoned, be- 
coz the more reeson is appeeled to, the less strength we hev. Reeson ain't 
in our line. 

Neether will it do to talk uv refonm. It don't anser to put up a man 
Mka Tilden, and stand him up between John Morrissey and Fernandy 
Wood, and try to make anybody bleeve in a pure government from them, 
lit won't work. It didn't work and it never will. We hev tried the respec- 
lability dodge till I am tired uv it. To do that rekires clean shirts, an< 
no genuine Democrat feels comfortable or easy in em. And besides when 
yoo git one of our fellows to go into clean linen, and get him everything 
<5lse conformin, the chances are that he goes over to the Radikels to 
wunst. I've knowd several sich cases. 

We struck for freedom, but we didn't strike rite. To wrest the go\'«- 
emment from the hands uv the oppressor, and hev a trooly republikin 
government — one based upon the free suffrages uv a free people — we must 
rhange our methods, and sale on a new tack. 

Our nateral holt is the lower classes, and if Tilden is wise he will 
rstick where his surest dependence Is, and throwin himself boldly on em, 
devote all his energies to strengthenin that class. 

He sp^it this yeer three millions uv dollars and failed. Now suppose 
he commences to w^unst with three millions more, and lays the founda- 
iihens deep and wide for a victry in ISSO! It kin be done. 

Let him immejitly establish lines uv sailin vessels to Ireland, to the 
oiinin deestricks uv England, where a bull-pup is counted higher than 
a baby, to the poorest parts uv Italy, and bring over free uv charge all 
that can be indpost to come. He must dodge Prance, for Frenchmen hev 
got a noshen uv liberty and equality wich unfits em for our purposes, 
and Germany, likewise, for Germans mostly read. He mite git some few 
from France and Germany, but they want to be carefully examined. 

It wood require ten thousand plantid In Ohio to carry that state, six 
thousand wood fix Noo Hampsheer, and that gives us the electoral college 
beyond a peradvencher, and at a comparative small cost. 

By movin out the surplus we hev in Noo York, 1 don't know but wat 
we might capcher Illinoy; at all events, we can make Injeany abslootly 
shoor. Connecticut and Noo Jersey v/e kin alluz count on, for repeeters 
from Noo York kin easily take them states any time. 

Ez for the South, we kin hold them states ef we commence to wunst, 
and foller up our work carefully. We musn't put off nigger killin to the 
month before the eleckshun, thus givin uv em time to prepare theirselves, 
but it must be commenst now, to-day, and keep up slowly but shoorly, 
until the principle that white men must rool Ameriky shel be firmly estab- 
lished. 

The nigger must be given to understand that onless ho gits safely into 
ttM bosom uv the Dimekratic party he is liable at any minut to^git_into 



*9H£ K^8BT IrSTTSBA. 199 

Abraham's boson*- 4hat unless he casts his ballot like a freeman with the 
Dimocrisy, he can't hev any work, and ef he owns land, he won't be al- 
lowed to work that. And they must be electioneered now, so ez to ^it em 
in the proper frame uv mind to be enthoosiastic by the time four years 
rolls around. 

This then wood be our sitooashen: ^ 

Fifty thousand additional votes fiom furrin shears, distributld through 
the close states, carryin them. 

The nig-ger vote either convertid to Dimocrisy or killed. 
This gives us not only the Presidency, but the Senit. The House we 
hev, and that wood be so strengthened that no thin under hevin cood 
touch it. 

Think uv the prospect! 

Uv course all this will take time, money and pashense. These freemen 
will not only hev to be brot here, but they will hev to be carefully looked 
, after. Groseries will hev to be established at proper points, the price uv 
likker must be put down so ez to come within the reach uv the most 
humble, and wher the voter isn't abla to buy, he must hev tt free. With 
groseries enufC, skool-houses and meetin-houses will languish, and all th'3 
impediments in the way uv a great Dimekratlc triumph will be removed. 
We kin plant Confedrit X Roads all over the country, and they are un- 
assailable. 

One-half the money used in spreddin out reeding matter for people 
wich coodent read wood hev brot enuff troo patriots to our shores to hev 
decided this eleckshun, and given us the postofflses this yeer. I lay grreat 
stress upon the Irish, for an Irishman kin git hisself to be a voter, and 
ask for an ofRs quicker than any man on the face uv the globe. He la 
espeshally fittid for holdin offis. 

The nigger vote we kin git beyond question. A moral Idee is all well 
enuff, but it can't hold out agin a shot-gun. Insted uv havin great masses 
uv era to be kept away from the poles, and hevin em throwd out by Rft- 
turnin boards, we will either hev em goin up gladly to vote the Dime- 
kratlc tikit, or else quietly reposin under the sod. When a nigger kin be 
killed for ten cents, wat is the yocse uv hevin him to bother us? Only we 
want to commence immediately. 

I don't know that it is any yoose to bother with the niggers at all. Ef 
a proper disposishen is made uv the raw material wich finds its way to 
Noo York, we kin let em vote, and still carry enuff of the saates for nash- 
nel purposes. Still it isn't fair to leeve our Southern brethren groanin 
with all the state and county offises In the hands uv the Radikels. There 
must be enuff uv em killed or converted to wrest lokle rule from the 
hands uv the Ablishnists. 

Ef these suggestions is carried out, ther won't be any trouble In hevin 
a glorious victry four yeers from now. Ther is just ez much material to 
i work with now ez ever — all that is wantid is to yootilize It properly. Ttee 
Dimocrisy wants to git back to its legitimit material, and work it up prop- 
erly. I hev hopes uv a postofRs yit. 

I am reddy to devote myself to this work now, and to continyoo It un- 
remittinly for four years. I am willing to let the nashnel committy fur- 
nish me with four barls uv whisky, a box uv herrin, and portrates uv Til- 
den and Hendrix to adorn my walls, and I will take any small village liv 
Southern Ohio, and act ez missionary for the comin four years. And I 
wttl guarantee to hev thati precinct fixed, so that the waves uv Radikelism 
mil beet agin it in vaiia. 



200 The Nasbt Lsttees. 

Ther may be conslned to me enuff emigrants to overcome watever Rad* 
ikle majority ther may be, in the lokality, and I will try to find work 
enuff to keep em twelve hours, that they may pay for wat likker they 
want the other twelve. This makes it pleasant for them and for me, and 
the coz will be strengthened. 

Let the committy consider this Idee, and act on it to-wunst. It is our 
only salvashen. The Dimokrisy hev alluz won when they dug down — never 
when they looked upward. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex-Reformer. 

ME. NASBY'S VOICE IS FOE WAE. 

Confediit X Roads, 
(Wich is In the State uv Kentucky), 
January 15, 1877. 

Halleloogy! The Dlmocrisy hev finally got theirselves nerved up to the 
pint uv demandin Tilden or blood, and I am happy! 

I wuz at Columbus, Ohio, the eighth uv Janooary, and I left ther feelin 
better than I hev sense the eleckshun. I found ther a rampant war spirit 
that mora than did me good. It wuz trooly a representative convenshun. 
There wuz present in that body every man in the state who wants a fed- 
rel appintment — evry man who wood like to be postmaster or collector wuz 
there, and in the matter uv patriots who wanted furrin mishuns the con- 
venshun wuz remarkably strong and intellectocal. 

They wuz all thirstin for gore, onless Tilden cood be Inoggeratid 
peeceably, and the feelin Increased ez time wore on. Them ez wuz In the 
bar-rooms at the Neil and the Amerikin hotels, ez wuz for blood only ez a 
last resort, at six o'clock, became aggressive at eight, sanguinary at ten, 
and by twelve they wuz more than ragin for somebody's blood. Every 
drink they took made em sangruinarier, and about one I carried up to 
bed a dozen uv the most blood-thirsty Democracy I ever see. 

I do love to assist patriots who are in that pekoolyer condishn to bed, 
at about twelve at night. They never can tell the next momin wher they 
left their pocket handkerchers, and gloves, and wat loose change they hev 
about em. I alluz found the good Samaritan biznis profitable. 

Ef these same men hed only gone into the Confedrit army in 1861, and 
talk fite half ez dangerous ez they say they are a goin to now, there nevei 
wood hev bin no Hays elected this year. 

It is singler how many ablishnlsts are alive and with good appetites, 
wich these bold men mite hev killed twelve yeers ago. But we are alluz 
missin our best opportunities. 

I rejoist at the feelin in Columbus, for I hev decided that I want war, 
in any event. We hev hed peece long enuff, and we must hev coni- 
moshea. 

I notist wunst wen I wuz engaged In eamin my livin by lyin on my 
back and see my mother bile soap, that when the kittle biled the scura 
cum to the surfis. Wat we need now is to hev it bile, and hence all sich 
convenshans ez that at Columbus meets my hearty approval. 

It don't cost nothin to resolve, and where three or four Dimocrats are 
gathered together they kin resolve Jist as well ez tho they wuz a, hundred 
or a thousand. I want em to git together and resolve to trunst. They 
must resolve, first, that they know Tilden is eloctid, and, second, ef it is 
declared by the Senit or Soopreme court, oi any other power on the face 
•^ the earth that he aint, they will inoggerate him by force. That is 



The Kasby Letters. 201 

w&t w« want, and tne work uv resolvin musst be commeRst to wunst. 

I hev made an akkerit calkelashen, and am convinst that gore is the 
most profitable thing for the Dimocrisy, take em ez they run. 

Ti>e Dimocrisy in the lower wards uv Noo York haint got anything to 
icse by a war, or anything else, nor hev we of the Cross-Roads. But the 
rich stores uv the Republikin merchants uv Noo York, the rich factries 
uv the mill-men and manufactrers uv Noo England, the rich farms uv the 
Republikins uv Ohio, and the furnaces and manufactries uv the Repub- 
liklns uv Pennsilvany, and the banks uv the Repub- 
likin bankers uv the whole country, they wood make sich 
pickin ez the armies wich Tilden and reform wood send forth never saw. 
My very mouth waters wen I think uv It. ^ 

Ez a matter uv course there are Dimocratlc merchants, manufac- 
turers, bankers and farmers, who wood come in for an ekal distribution 
uv their effects among the sturdy defenders of the reform Idee, and they 
mite murmur, but they ought not to. The Dlmocratic masses, wich hev 
' bin waltln and waitin for fifteen yeers, must hev their Innins, and them . 
innins must be made ez good ez possible. Cleerly the biznis Dim- 
ocrisy must not com.plane when we let loose the dogs 
uv war. War must be made, that in the disorder follerin It, there 
kin be that re-distrlbooshen uv property wich men ez hev bin selfishly 
tabrin all their lives hev Inikitusly accoomulated. 

In fact, I hed ruther Tilden wood sale into the Presidency thro bloody 
seas, than to hev him walk to It peeceably. We shood then hev a solid 
South, and the North wood be dlvidid so that it coodent do nuthin but 
pay the taxes. Then we shood repoodiate the national debt, ishoo green- 
bax till every one uv us wood hev all we cood carry, and we shel hev flush 
times. I think, with the experience I hed in the last war, I cood make 
enuff out uv a good healthy war to keep me comfortable doorln the few 
days I am In this vale uv teers. It is an opportooonlty wich we can't let 
slip. We don't pay no taxes, so that burden don't fall on us, and we git 
all the benefits. The Idee uv livln on the enemy Is dellteful. 

Let us hev more convenshuns. Let us meet everywhere and resolve. 
Let the Dimocrisy everywhere comet together and resolve for Tilden or 
blood. There ain't no community, however small, that hezn't got In it 
at least five patriots wich wart places, and where there can't be any 
more, five is enuff. By hoUerln* very loud a few men kin make consider- 
able noise. 

We hold <Mir convenshun at the Cross-Roads to-morrow. We hev the 

arrangements all made. Pollock and Eigler Is In Louisville, buyln goods, 

the niggers darsent come near when they are away, an* there won't be no 

trouble. We shel hev the Corners to ourselves, and we shel pass Bich 

( resolutions ez will make Noo England quail. 

The prospect is cheerin, and I am happy. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex-Reformer. 

P. S. — Ez soon ez war Is declared, three hundred uv the solid Dimocrisy uv 

the Comers will rush to the front, ef the Dimocratlc nashnel commltty 

, will send money enufC to pay their fares to the scene uv conflict, and git 

I em each a pare uv pants and shoes, so that they may rush In some com^ 

I fort- This aid will be strlkly necessary. Contribushens for this purpose 

may be sent to me now. p. v. h. 



MR. NASBY WANTS TO MODIFY THE COMMISSIOK; 

Confedrit X Roads, • 
(Wich is In the State uv Kentucky), 
January 20, 1877. 

t most hartily endorse the plan for leavin out the Presidenshel question 
to a jint commishn to be made up from the Senit and the House, and the 
Supreme court, the members uv the latter to be determined by lot. This 
thing uv Injectin the element uv chance into a game wher yoor opponent 
hez ded-wood on yoo, is pleasant and very kind. By doin this we are play- 
in on even terms, the Republikins furnishin all the stakes. A gambler 
Wlch woodn't take such chances is not worthy uv the name. 

By this plan the Presidency is made a matter uv chance. All I ask 
now is a slite change in the method. Under the jint committee's plan, ef 
>va are lucky enuff to git the odd member uv the Soopreme court, Tilden 
Etnd reform goes in, and I git my postoffis. I am trustin my fortunes to 
Ihe blind goddiss. Ef it is to be made a matter uv chance wat is the 
yoose of worry in so many men? Two kin decide it ez well ez a dozen, and 
fostld uv hevin so many I beg to make the foUerin sejestions: 

1. That the Dimocrisy elect a strictly representative Dimocrat, and the 
frlepubliklns a strikly representative Republikin, with two umpires and 
«Nne bottle holder, wich shel be me. 

' 2. That them two set down, and play seven-up, yooker, or the more 
iQUSkeler game uv freeze out, to determine whether Tilden and reform, 
or Hayes and oppression, shel be Prc-sident for the next four yeers. 

3. Th© two representative men may determine for theirselves the game 
and Its condishens. Ef freeze-out, they may make the amount ez large 
or ez small as they choose; ef any other game, they may make it the best 
two in three, the best three in five, or the best four in seven, or the first 
fifty-one in a hundred, or any way they may choose, so that they get 
thro by the 4th uv March. I shoodn't want the struggle to run longer 
than that, for the biznis interests uv the Corners is sufferin. My bill at 
Bascom's is runnin up enormously, and ez I owe all the citizens, trade is 
blocked till I git the postoffis, so ez to pay suthin, and put money into clr- 
kelashen. I must hev that postoffis soon or perish, or else bankrupt 
Basconx 

4. Thd winner to name the President, and the people to acquiesce 
without a murmur. 

I wood sejest ez the representative Republikin for this purpose, Mr. 
Prelinhuysen, uv Noo Jersey. For the representative Dimocrat ther ain't 
no need for my namin him at alL The entire Dimocrisy, in one voice wood 
exclaim. "John Morrissey." Ef it wuz seven-up, for shoor, I shood urge 
Issaker Gavitt, whose skill In turning Jack from the bottom at the critikla 
pint when both sides hez six, and he hez the deel, is well known at the Cor- 
ners; but ez the other party shood hev soma voice in decidin wat game 
is to be played, it is safer to hev Morrissey. He hez bin at the hed uv 
the Dimocrisy uv Noo York so long that all games is alilce to him, and 
with him the Dimocrisy may rest in perfect sekoority. 

This way uv settlin the matter Is more simple and ekally constoosh- 
nei with the other, and it wood make things excitin for a while. Spose it 
wuz agreed to hev It seven-up and the best two in three. Think uv these 
reports from the Assoshiated Press: 



l*Bi Kasbt Lsitbea. S^H 

**The Presldenshal Games!— Prelinhuy sen Two!— Morrissey One'— 
Thanksglvin in the Churches!— The Freedmen Jubilant!— Later— Morri^se^ 
Turns Jack, and Makes High, Low an I Game!— End uv the First Game^ 
Morrissey Shows Out on High and L-w!— Frelinhuvsen Accuses Him uv 
Cheatin!— A Day of Fastin Ordered, and the Gin Mills Illuminate!" 

Then the second game: 

"The first game conceded to Morrissey! — Gold rises to 112!— The manu- 
factrers disheartened!— The South jubilant!— Fielinhuysen deals'— Morri":;- 
3ey begs!— Frelinhuysen gives him one, and Morrissey claims a' misdeal 




The Presidenshl question settled I— M ;rri5;sey lurns Jack, winnin th'=^ rub 
and electin Tilden and reform!— C.:,n-ratulatory dispatch from the Presi- 
dent-elect!— Chagrin uv the Republikins!— Morrissey serenadid!— 'I simply 
did my dooty !'— Morrissey to be secretary uv tlie Treasury!" 

Ef this plan Is not adoptid, I she! hev a less opinyun uv Congris than 
over. It Is quick and simple. I bleeve in simplicity like a Roman. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex Reformer. 

ME. NASBY'S IDEA OF THE STATUS. 

Confedrit X Roads. 

(Wich Is in the State uv Kentucky), 

February 3, 1877. 

I wuz wunst in favor uv the jint commishun, and wuz eager to hev it. 

"TVhen it wuz ez good ez shoor that a majority uv the judges wood be Dim- 

wsratic, glvin us a majority uv one In the lot, I bleevd it to be constoosh- 

nul. When it lookt ez tho we cood get Tilden and reform in that way, 

and make me shoor uv my postoffis, I prefei-red it to blood. I am not, ez 

I general thing, a thirster for gore. I hed much rather hev Tilden buy hia 

iray into the Presidency than to hev to fite for it. When I think uv his 

larls uv money, and remember his skill in distribbitin uv it, I say with 

the poet; 

•"Thar Is a weepin firmer set, 
And STirer tlian the bayonet." 

Tilden and reform hez a better 'how with dollars than they ever did 
uith bayonets, tho I really bleeve that a DImecrat who hez bin hungerin 
for an offls sixteen yeers, wood fite for it rather than not git it. Shood 
wa ever come to the arbitrashen uv arms, I shel, ef I hev command uv 
'ihe Tilden and reform forces, mas lass them .- h in front of tr - c .in] 
and hang onto the other side, so that they kin all see It, a banner with 
this iiiscripshen: 

•'Commlshns for post offlses made OTit here!" 

Ther wood be sich a rush ez all the troops that cood be const'-'osh- 
nelly concentrated in Washinton coodent withstand. Artillery coodent 
keep the patriots back. 

But this is a digreshn. Wat I wantid to say wuz, Providence takes 
better keer uv the Republikin party than it does uv itself. For jist ez we 
tied it all fixed to hev the commishn appintid, and hed ded-wood on hevin 
Davis for the fifth judge, givin us a majority, that self-seekin man hed 
to go and be electid to the Senit from Illinoy, makin It necessary to hev 
Bradley In his place, wich Is pizen. And when Tilden and reform begged 
Davis to decline the Senit and git into the commishn, that selfish man re- 
IK&arkt he'd see him further fust, and leaves one hundred thousand Birzko- 
crats wich wants appintments on the anxshus seet. 



^^ The Ka8Bt Lettkrs. 

With Bradley on the commlshn, the Corners Is cleerly uv the opinyun 
that it is unconstooshnel. Sich a thing wuz never contempiatid by the 
fathers, it wuz never done afor-r!, and ther ain't no precedent for it. The 
idee uv hevin a compermise in wioh tha Dimocrisy didn't git more than 
twice wat they claimed, is suthin new in Amerikin history. I don't com- 
prehend it. 

Ef this commlshn wuz to give Hayes a chance, wat did he want It for? 
He hed 185 votes, and wat is the yoose uv goin thro all this formality, 
onless the objick Is to hist him? When I play I want the keerds properly 
put up — ef I want to make a livin by work, ther ain't no yoose in playin 
it at all. It wrencht my moral back to acksede to a violashen uv the 
constooshn when we wuz to make suthin by it— but to violate that sacred 
instrooment, and then lose the postoffises by it, is too terrible. 

The Dimocrisy mite ez well prepare for war to-wunst, and be done with 
it. I see nuthin else. It Is impossible that I shood live four yeers longer 
and see all the offises filled with Ablishnists, and we out uv place, and 
hev em flaunt their commishns in our faces and taunt us with holdln uv 
em by virchoo uv a comn\ishen wich we urged. 

I am ekal to a great deel uv greef— I hev philosophy enuff for almost 
anything. I hev dropt a bottle afora I hed moistened my lips at its 
strength-givin mouth, and hev seen its golden contents flow sadly away on 
the sidewalk, lost forever. I hev bustid a jug Saturdy nite, after all the 
groseries wuz shut up, and I hev failed to borrow a dollar wlier I thot I 
hed a ded-shoor thing onto It. All tlieso woes I hev survived, but this one I 
cannot. The agony is too long drawn out. I will not stay in the Corners 
four yeers and see a radikel nigger distribbit the paper that comes here, 
and stand and read lottry circlers to our citizens. And then when I think 
that that man lets the money wich our confidin citizens send to lottries, 
go direct to their destination, swellin the coffers uv a pack uv swindlers 
in Noo York, instid uv takin uv it out, and spendin it at Bascom's, I am 
drivin almost to madnis. 

Is it to be expectid that I am to support a commlshn wich Is shoor 
to continyoo sich outrages ez these? I will fite fust, and the Corners sus- 
tains me. 

On receet uv money enuff to buy suffishent cloth to half sole the trow- 
si3 uv our citizens, so that our noble-hearted wimmen won't have to stand 
in front uv em all the time when they drill, I will organize a company to 
wunst. New trowsls wood encurrldge the Corners jist now, mitlly. Ez 
commander uv the forsls I ought to hev a noo pare uv boots. 

I feel more like fltin for the constitooshen now than I hev sence I en- 
listed in the Loolslana Pellkens in 1861. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex Reformer. 

THE cor:nees meet and eesolye. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 
February 17, 1877. 
The die Is cast. The deed Is dun. After the sooperhooman efforts uv 
Tilden and Morrissey to give the people a reform government, a unconstoo- 
shnel and partizan triboonel hez countid the yoosurper Hayes into the Pres- 
Idenshel chair, and the postoffises is to be continyood In the poshesion uv 
the Radlkels. We can't help it— Tilden can't help It— Morrissey can't help 
It, nor can I help it Tlldea did his best for purity and refona— no man 



The Nasby Lbtters. 205 

n\In ever made more sacrifices In the intrest uv a pure g^oveniment than 
he did. He paid over $8,000 to buy up one elector in Oregon, and he spent 
over three millions in buyin up voters in the other states. Ef, after that 
the idee uv reform in the government failed, his sHrts is cleer. The coun- 
try kin go to the dogs, but heis guiltless. He wood hev spent more money 
hed ther bin any place to spend It to advantage. 

The news uv the ackshun uv the commishn plunged the Corners Into 
despare, immejitly. Bascom sed he mite ez well make an assignment to- 
wunst and quit, for onless he cood git sum reddy money out uv the holders 
uv fedrel posishens, ther wuz no yoose keepin his bar open. Continyooal 
chargin wuz altogether too heroic for him. And the indignashen uv them 
ez expectid federal appintments wuz terrible. They didn't say much, but 
there wuz that compressin uv the lip, that ominous silence ez they took 
ther drinks, that meant more than mere words. 

We met to consider the sityooashen, the nite the nooae reached us, and 
■tirrin speeches wuz made by me, and the others. 
' Th foUerin resolooshens wuz offered: 

Wareas, The only objick uv the jint commishn wuz to declare Tilden 
electid, and 

Wareas, Ef that wuzn't the objick wat wuz the yoose uv hevin the 
Jint commishn at all, ez F'erry cood Jist ez easy declare the eleckshen uv 
Hayes ez the jint commishn, and 

Wareas, The jint commishn ain't jest exactly wat the Dimocrisy ex- 
pectid It wood be, therefore be it 

Resolved, That the ackshen uv Judge Davis in acceptin a seet in the 
Senit from Illinoy, wich preventid him from goin onto the jint commishn, 
deserves the reprobashen uv every troo Democrat, pervided Judge Davis 
wood hev votid first, last, and all the time, in an unpartisan way, with 
the Dimocratic members ef he hed gone onto the commishn. Ef he woodn't 
hev done this, it don't make any difference, and this resoloo^en goes for 
nothin. 

Resolved, That the ackshen uv the Dimocratic members uv the com- 
mishn in stickin like wax to the Dimekratic vew uv the case, in an un- 
partisan way, and never under any circumstances votin with the radlkel 
members, meets the approval uv the Dimocrisy uv the Corners, ez bein 
in the highest degree patriotic and proper. The Dimekratic members bv 
adherin to their party ez closely ez they did, deserve the hearty approval 
uv every Dimekrat in the land. The Corners says, "Well dun, good and 
faithful servants," and ef we kin raise money nufC for another struggle 
for reform, w^e shel say to them, "Go up higher." 

Resolved, That the ackshen uv tha Republikin members uv the tjom- 
mishn, in votin every time In akkordance withthe wishes uv ther partv, 
deserves the severest reprehension uv the people. Their blind partisansh/p 
—their inability to raise theirselves above the level uv Republikinis'm — 
ther stubborn refoosals to vote with the Dimocrisy, and let Tilden aiid 
reform slide through, shakes our confidence in human nacher, and mak«s 
us tremble for the republic. The Corners with one voice pints the finger 
uv scorn at them, and withers em by declarin it hez no longer any confi- 
dence in em. 

Resolved, That ez the commishn wuzn't put up ez the Corners wan- 
tid it, and ez its decision he irt bin wat the Corners wants, the Corners 
demands that it to wunst dissolve, holdin that with Bradley onto it, it wuz 
conseeved In sin and brot forth in iniquity, and that it is unconstitoosh- 
nel anyway, and subversive uv Vie dearest rites uv the Amerikin people. 

Resolved, That ez the deciaUm wuzn't wat we expected, we don't con- 
sider ourselves bound by it; a*id we demand uv our repreesntatives in 
Congress that they Ignore it aiV.ogether, and perceed to wunst to declare 
Tilden and reform electid, and inogerate him at all hazards. 

Resolved, That the Connsrs pledges itself to send to the tentid feeld. 
In the Kupport uv Congris, every-able-bodied Dimekrat wb» will go, per- 



206 Thi Nasbt Littsss. 

vided the Dlmekratlc nashnel oommltty will send free passes to Washing-! 
ton, and sich clothin ez will enable ern to make a proper and djecent ap- 
pearance in society. Pantaloons and shoes shood come first. And by this 
resolooshen the Corners pledges itself unreservedly to gore. 

Resolved, That hevin exhausted all efforts for a peeceable eleckshun uv 
Tilden and reform, we hist our flag, with the words onto it. "Tilden and 
Reform or Blood." 

Resolved, That it is the solium convickshen uv the Comers that any 
government not in the hands uv the Dimocrisy is unconstitooshael, and 
we refoose to pay any taxes to support any sich. 

These resolooshens wuz goin to be past to wunst, ez all resolooshnis 
wieh I offer are, but I red em over twict. "Friends," I sed, "this is the 
sollumist time we ever had. These resolooshens mean blood— pos- 
sibly they may take yoo away from yoor homes, and 
se yoo all in the front uv the battle. Are yoo prepared fo» 
this? Pause afore yoo vote." 

"Soljers in this holy war git shoes and trousis, and three square meeb' 
a day, don't they?" was the response from all parts uv the house. 

"Undoubtedly," wuz my answer. 

"Then our voices is for war in the coz uv the constitooshen," wuz th» 
yoonanimus response. "Enroll us to-wunst, and send on the supplies." 

Ther ain't a more patriotic people in the country than the Corners 
When the Corners rises tyrants may well tremble. The resolooshens 
wuz past, and the Corners hez spoken. We await the ackshen uv our rej^ 
resentatives. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex Reformer. 

THE ELECTION OF HAYES. 

Confedrlt X Roads, 
(WIch is in the State uv Kentucky), 
March 3, 1877. 

Hayes Is electid, ther ain't no doubt uv that. We hev heerd uv U 
and are shoor uv it. Bascom hez given me notice that there ain't no mor,« 
likker for me, onless I pay for it, wi .h is holler mockery, and he hez com- 
menst to foreclose on half the farms in the vicinity. Pollock, Bigler an<1 
the niggers are joobilant, and Bascom hez commenst makin advances to 
em. Precisely in proporshen ez he cools to me, he warms to them. Me*i 
worship the risin, never the settin sun. It is well— I yoost to do the sama ■ 
thing myself. I shen't hev any more drinks at his bar, but he can't rob ; 
me uv the drinks I hev bed, and that is some comfort. 

We held a meetin uv hoomiliashen and angish at the meetln house Jaot , 
nite. I am now a man given to cussin, for I never knowd that cussin 
even a mule ever made it go, onless the cussin wuz reinforced with a club. 
Swearin and club, in ekal proporshens, hez hed effect on a mule, but I 
hev alluz hed more faith in the club than in the cussin. The cussin may 
possibly inspire the club, and thus be indirectly benefishl. Nevertheless I 
did recite this: 

A PSALM OP WOB. 

In the dust uv hoomiliashen are we. 
Ashes we throw upon our beds by the scuttle-full. 
Hair-cloth we wear next to our skins, flggeratively. 
Hair-cloth we wood wear next to our skins, actooally, et ws cood gM, 
any one to trust us for a supply. 



The Nasbt Letters. 207 

Wood that g'oln about neerly naked wuz a proper mode uv expressln 
^eef, for then we cood go Into the deepest kind uv mournin without 
changln our costoom. 

There be three things wlch are too wonderful for me, yea, four wicb 
I'm blest ef I know: 

Wat the Dimocrlsy wantid uv a high jint commishn at all. 

Why It didn't hev a Dimecratic high jint, ef it hed to hev one. 

Why it didn't bust the concern afore it wuz everlastinly too late when 
It found it wuzn't Dimekratic high jint. 

Why we wuz oust with men in the leedership wich hedn't cunnin enufT 
to win by strategy, or courage enuff to take by forcew 

The Conies are but a feeble folk. 

We are Conies ef ther ever wuz sich. 

Cussid be Morton, cussid be Blane, cussid be Sherman, cussld be Ed- 
munds, cussid be Davis, and espeshly cussid be Bradley. 

For he wuz the eighth man, and coodent rise above partlzanship 
fur enuff to vote with Field and Clifford. 

We electid Davis, wich give them a majority In the high jint, and it'n 
a toss-up wether he don't support Hayes, after all. 

We hed the game in our own hands, fur we hed stolen four aces. 

But they rung in a cold deck onto us, and held a strate flush when !t 
come to a show-down, and they raked in the pot. 

Uv wat avale wuz the buyin up uv the St. Loois convenshun; wat gooa 
wuz the bull-dozin in Looseaner? 

Uv wat yoose wuz the rifle-clubs uv South Kerliny, and wat good did 
it do to colonize Injeany? 

The ints are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in th'i 
summer. 

We prepared our meat last summer, but it spiled In the curin. 

Our smoke-house is bustid, and our hams is not. 

Four years of Hayes, four years of waitin and longin. 

There will be niggers in the postofTises, and the faithful will stand out 
side and gnash their teeth. 

For three things Democrisy is disquieted, an4 four wich nearly 
killed it: 

Tilden, Hewitt, Pelton and Field. 

When I think uv the idiocy of these men, wich we trustid, and into 
whose hands we gave ourselves, I lift up my voice, and howl with King 
Lemyooel's mother, "Give not your strength to old winamen." 

Young ones take away strength, but it returneth— old ones destroy by 
their counsel, and it is irretreevable. 

Ef they'd hed ez much sense ez they hed money, we'd never bin made 
N'ebuckhednezzers uv, and bin turned out to grass in this way. 

That anshent Asyrian might hev liked it, for ther wuz no Bascom's 
In Babylon for him to refresh hisself in, but we don't. 

Wat's the yoose uv holdin the keerds ef yoo don't dare to bet em? 

There are three things wich are never satisfied, yea, four things say 
not "it is enuff": the grave, a Dimocrat wich wants a offls, my stummick 
wich is not and never wuz filled with water, and the till behind Bascom's 
counter. 

Tilden and reform Is defeetid, the Dimocrat wlch wants offis will want 
it still, my stummick will take water, perforce, Bascom's till will be emp- 



208 The Nasbt LErriRa. 

ty, and the grave will be filled with starved Dimocrlsy, while the radlkels 
shel wax fat. 

The froots that our souls lustid after hev departed from us. The 
things after wich our mouths watered is gone from us, and we shel find 
em no more at all. 

Tilden and reform is ded and berried, and in tho same grave Is berried 
all our hopes. 

"We stand over the carcass uv reform, and weep; me, and Morrissey, 
and Cronin and Wood; and our teers drain our systems. 

The Dimocratic camp is damp with teers, and we hev not the where- 
withal to replace the moischer that goes from us. 

Tilden despares uv purity in government, and will go back to railroad 
wreckin. 

Morrissey sez the government may keep on bein corrupt, for all he 
keers, and he is goin back to his faro banks. 

Field says ther ain't no hope uv purifyin the government, and he will 
go back to defendin theeves. 

And the vast multitood uv Dimocrats which hungered for postoffises, 
collectorships, furrin mishns, consulships, and places uv all sizes, kindu 
and dimenshens, remark, yoonanimusly, that there ain't no yoose in try If 
to hev a pure government, and that it may go to rooin for all they keer, 
and this one goes back to his bar, that one to his three-keerd monte, th<» 
other to his burglary, and the rest to ther borrerin. 

I wood hev saved the country, but ez the country didn't want to b' 
saved, it may be tothered. 

To Noo York will I go, and I will set up my tabernacle there. 

Ez long ez ther is whisky ther will be Dimocrisy, and ther I shel flour- 
ish among the faithful. 

I will rent me a bar-room, and will wear a plug hat, and be a state* 
man, and hev politikle inflooence in the Sixth ward. 

I will be a captin uv fifty, and git to be a alderman. 

I will go to the legislacher, and will do for the state wat the nashen re 
foosed. 

The stun wich the federal bllders rejected, will become the hed uv the 
state comer. 

Honey shel ylt come out uv the carcass, for I will go where the car- 
cass Is. 

Bascom remarkt that the prospeck uv my leevin the Corners mitigated. 
somewat, his greef at the defeet uv Tilden. "There is no evil," he sed. 
"that hezn't some good In it." 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex Reformer. 

MB. NASBY REVIEWS THE SITUATION. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is In the State uv Kentucky), 
March 12, 1877. 
The deed is dun, the work of destroyin the government is finished, and 
the Democrisy, the degenerlt Democrisy, sits down and accepts it without 
a murmur. Ther ain't a goin to be any struggle for our rites, ther ain't a 
goln to be any war, nor nothin. When Tilden wuz talkin uv resistance, I 
consoled myself with the idee that ef I coodent git a postofRs I mite hev 
a sutlership. but that is all gone. All that Tilden and five millions uv del- 



The Kasbt Letters. 809 

lara undertook to do In the interest uv pure frovemment, Is undone; Hayes 
is President, reform lies low In the dust, the postoffises go out uv the reach 
uv Morrissey and me, and are safe In tlie grip uv the corruptionists. I 
can't do justis to this siibjic! — I shan't attempt to. To git so near to It, 
and then to lose it! But wat's the yoose? 

I am not only disappointed at the result, but I am disgustld with em 
ez hed the management uv affares for us. The developments that hev 
bin made sence the investigashens hev commenst, don't please me at all. 
Tilden-and-Reform is a cold-bloodid, mercenary wretch, wich hez rooined 
the Dimocratic party. He don't play fair — he is not an ingenuous man, 
one in wich yoo kin place confidence. It hez bin shown that he spent, all 
told, five million uv dollars in tryin to elect hisself and Reform to the 
Presidency. Damnable exposure! Feerful corrupshen! Wher hez that 
corrupshen fund gone to? Who got it? Wat wuz done with wat wuz 
spent at the beginnin, at the St. Loois convenshun? Ez a reform Dim- 
ocrat I demand to know. K pade me for my vote in that convenshun, the 
beggarly sura uv four hundred dollars, and his agents ashoored me that 
that wuz the highest price pade. Beleevin em, in my simplicity I took 
that sum, trustin in their statement that that wuz the regular price for 
delegates. Imagine my feelins when I diskivered that he did actooally 
pay ez high ez five thousand dollars for single reform delegates, and four 
thousand dollars, each, for reform delegates in lots uv twenty, takln em 
ess they run. 

Hevin sekoored the nominashen, wat did this man do? He went on to 
spend five millions! Five millions! Who got that? I got four hundred 
more, but I wuz so hedged in with Instruckshens and the direckshuns ez 
to wat I wuz to do wuz so explicit that I didn't make a hundred clear out 
uv it. It wuz stipulated that I wuz to take twenty Kentuckians to vote in 
Injeany for Tilden-and-Reform, and he hed the meannis to hev a reform 
pugilist, wich he pardoned out uv the Noo York penitentiary for the pur- 
pose, on the spot to watch me, to see that I took em there; and the ac- 
cootnis to hev a Injeany reformer receeve and vote em, and afore I cood 
git my money in full I hed to hev a receet from the Injeany committee- 
m.an that I hed turned over the voter! How kin a man labor in thff in- 
terest uv reform under sich circumstances? 

The fact is Tilden-and-Reform is a frod, and those wich is yellin to 
nominate him in 1880 make a mistacke. I'll no more uv him. I want a man 
wich kin pay out more joodishus and with more discriminashun. I will 
never go thro a campane on the reform Idee, onless I am better pade for 
it than I wuz in this. 

I am disgustid with polytlx anyhow, and want to retire. The Dimoc- 
risy don't know nothing anyhow. I suppose ther is about an ekal per cent 
uv honest men and ekal per cent uv thieves in both parties, and I am wil* 
lin to admit that wat a cold and unfeeiin world calls villains holds the 
management uv both parties ; I know they do ours. The Republikins deny 
this; but ef it is troo, there is this difference — the scoundrelly Republikin 
managers put honest men in power, while the honest Dimocrisy put ther 
scoundrels to the front. The people don't keer about corrupt Republikin 
managers when they put slch men ez Hayes up; but think uv slch men 
ez Bill Hill, Thurman and Hendrix playin second fiddle to Tilden, Morris* 
sey, Hewitt and me! That Is wat kills us. We come at the people wrong 
end foremost. We show our sore fingers, and make public exhibition tty 
our biles, aotd rather glory in the size and nastinis uv em. 



2ii Thi Kajsbt Ls^rfiiu. 

Wat we hev to do now Is to change all this. We want to assoom a 
virchoo, ef we hev it not. We want to hunt about keerfuUy— give a great 
deal uv time to it — explore all the corners uv the party — go nosin about 
among forgotten men, and see ef we can't find men enuff with decent repu- 
tashens to put forrered ez candidates. We want em ez a sort uv flavorin, 
ez deodorizers as it were, to savor the rest uv us. Wat we want is to git 
In, and the people actilly demand sutliin that don't really smell. We, the 
reglers, won't lose anything by It — these nice Dimocrats -will come to 
us In a month. Ther ain't virchew enuff In em to resist us. Yob can't 
tetch pitch without bein defiled. 

Then we want a succession uv disasters doorin the next foui yeers, 
and we must do all we kin to hev em. Hard times is alluz charged up to 
the party In power, and makes men pine for a change. A healthy potato 
rot wood be worth thousands uv votes to us, and a smashin panic wood 
be even better. Wat we want Is a period uv yooniversle depreshn. We 
want the mills stopped, prodoose down to a mere nothin, potato rot, grass- 
hoppers, kolera, and likker to go up to fifteen cents a drink. Ef these cood 
be supplementid by an earthquake, hurricanes, yaller fever, weevle in the 
wheat, cut worms In the No and cotton worms in the South, fioods 
and drouths and yooniversle rooin and disaster, we cood 
•elect the next President. Give us all these with a choice assortment 
uv other disasters, and we shel win, for the people will be very apt to say 
that after all a Dimekratic admlnistrashen coodent be wuss. We want 
rooin for a while to make the Dimocrisy endoorable. 

With these condishens we kin go in four yeers from now. I say all this 
for the benefit uv others — ez for me, long before the term uv Hayes is up I 
shel be In a prematoor grave. Four yeers more uv a nigger in the post- 
oftls at the Comers will finish me, and ef my philosophy shood be sufllshent 
for that, Bascom will cut off supplies ez soon ez he knows that I ain't a 
goin to hev a place, and then all is over. My untutored bowels never kin 
endoor water, any more than my morel nacher kin radikelism. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex-Reformer. 

THE COENERS INDORSES THE PRESIDENT. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
{Wlch is In the State uv Kentucky), 
March 25, 1877. 

Important business called me to a nelghborin village, and I wuz ab- 
sent from the Comers two days. The biznis wuz, I may say, not altogether 
unconnectid with a supply uv shirts. Doorin the campane for Tilden-and- 
Reform, wich hez endid so unhappily, my linen wuz wore out, and I went 
out to a seckshun where they hev such things, to borrow three or four, 
wich I did — off uv lines, without hevin any preliminary conversashun with 
them uv whom I borrered em. I shood hev preferred to hev era dun up. 
but shirts a dryin ain't bad. I ain't proud — the troo Dimecrat skorns 
starch. Wood that we cood go back to a state uv nacher, in wich shirts 
is onnessary. Ef we didn't hev to hev shirts and sich, there wood be more 
for likker. 

When the cat's away the mice will play. Smite the sheperd and the 
sheep will be skattered. Scasely had I turned my back onto the Corners 
afore Pollock and Joe Bigler got at the people, and they capcherd Bascom. 
Capcherln Bascom, they bed the rest uv em. 

They red to the Corners the Umoggeral of Yooserper Hayes, and ex- 



pi*-?nfcil ii> etn wat the polisy uv that arch conspirator wua a goin to be 
They red over a list uv his Cabinet, dwellin espeshly on iiis appiatment uv 
thiit runnyjjade. Key, and toie em that he wuz a goin to run the govern- 
aient in the intrest uv the whole country, and not uv any seckshun, and 
that the time hed come for the lion and lam to lie down together, and that 
the little child wuz in trainin to leed em. 

And blest ef they didn't git em Imprest, and they showd Bascom that 
Jt wood be better for the Corners ef the old feelin wuz done away with 
entirely, that the two parties shood dwell in yoonity, and instid uv wastiu 
their strength a contendin with each other shood expend it a niai<.in 
suthin uv the place. 

I arrived at about seven o'clock in the evening and went, ez wuz na- 
tural, straight to Bascom's. I felt well. My expedishen hed provd a suc- 
tsess, for I got not only more shirts than any reform leeder in Kentucky 
ought to hev, but I hed also prokoored some sox and a pare uv boots wicb 
vruz standin convenient outside a door. 

"Wher is G. W. ?" I asked uv Mrs. Bascom, who wuz in the bar. 

"Ther is a meetin at the church, aitd Bascom is there." 

"A meetin at the church? Who dares to call a meetin in my absence? 

And feerin evil I hastened over to the meetin-house. 

It wuz a harrowin site my eyes restid onto. There on the platform sot 
V t-.llock, the nigger postmaster, McPelter, Issaker Gavitt, sevrel more nig- 
iters, Bascom, another nigger, and — the Deekin. Joe Bigler wuz a standin 
I p and reedin from a paper. 

"Wat is this?" I shreeked. "Bascom, McPelter, Issaker, and et tu 
#?root — the Deekin with them radikels! Wat does this meen?" 

"The gentleman will take his seet, and keep quiet, while I reed these 
ifcsolooshens," returned Joe, and he red em: 

Wareas, The country hez bin kep in hot water for about fifteen years, 
f ,nd 

Wareas, Hot water ain't the most comfortable thing in the world for 
> he fish that is in it, ef they hev bin accustomed to cold, and 

Wareas, Ez President Hayes appears to be tryin the best he knows how 
H' settle things on a proper basis, and in sich a way ez to do jestis to every 
«ue, and injestis to none, therefore be it 

Resolved, That the Corners, recognizin the good intenshuns uv the Pres- 
ident and his advisers, pledges itself to stand by him, without regard to 
former party affiliashens, and to do wat we kin to bring about the era 
i>f good feelin. 

Resolved, That from this time out all the bitternis uv the past shel be 
buried in the Corners, that every man will recognize every other man ez 
» citizen, all hevin ekal ri£es, in life, liberty and the pursoot uv suti»in 
to eat 

"And drink," sejested Bascom. 

—And that all the divisions on political kuestlons shel ceese ontil things 
hev settled, and suthin occurs "o .divide us a more nateral way. 
Resolved, That 

I cood stand this no longer, and I sprung to my feel. 

"Deekin! Bascom! McPelter! Issaker! My frends! are yoo agoin to 
ret there and let them infamus inc.njary resolooshens go forth ez the voice 
uv the Corners? Are yoo agoin to ba led by yoor enemies into sich a 
Irap?" 

"Why not?" askt Bascom. "Ain't we hed hell enuff here? Hez any- 
body made anything by all the worry and trouble of the last ten yeers?" 

"Bascom, ef them resolooshens pass, and ef they are carried out In thf 



212 Thx Kasbt LxTTsaa. 

spirit wlch seems to pervade this unconstitooshnel assemblagre, wat, let 
me ask, is ag-oin to becum uv me? Ef ther is goin to be peece and har- 
mony, uv wat yoose am I? Ef ther ain't ag'oin to be no more niggers to 
kill, ef everybody hez their rites, ef there ain't no yooserper to struggle 
agin, In Bascom's bar-room, ef ther ain't no occashen for eloquence and 
defiance, wat am I to do? Wat do yoo want to throw me out uv biznis 
for? Ef yoo acknowledge the yoosurper Hayes, wat need hev yoo uv a 
defender? Why yoo leeve me, strandid and helplis, and I mite jist ez weli 
leeve the Corners to wunst! Deelvln, Ba^com, Issaker, kin yoo do this?" 

"I don't see" — commenst Bascom, but I woodent let him go on. 

"But I see. Ef this ery uv good feelin sets in, I may exclame with the 
rigger in the play, 'Othello's okkepashen's gone.' My frends, before yoo 
commit yoorself to this heresy, let us consult." 

I finally got these misguided men out uv the house, and into Bascom's, 
and ther I appeeled to em more at an advantage. I held up afore em the 
liorrors uv nigger rool, I showd em that ef they past them resolooshens 
'thej' wuz Republikins, and that the old Dimocratic party wuz gone forever, 
and that the dooty uv every Dimekrat wuz to fite on, fite ever, till we hed 
restored peece to our bleedin country. 

"But peece Is wat Hayes wants, ain't It?" sed the Deekin. 

"Spose he does. Admit it. That ain't the pint. Deekin, ther never kin 
be peece, I never kin be satisfied or soothed, nor kin any one uv the noble 
army uv reformers wlch follered the banner uv Tilden-and-Reform, so long 
ez Ablishnists hold postoffises, r I the radikels collectorships. Yoo may , 
cry 'peece, peece, but there ain't no peece.' We want peece, but we want 
to make it, a.nd we want to make it In our way, or we don't want It 
at all." 

Ther ain't nothin like decision and promptnis. Before I hed got thro 
with em, I got em back to ther old moorins, and they didn't go back to the 
nieetin at all, and Issaker wuz so enraged at bein almost capcherd, that he 
?hyed a brick at one uv the niggers wich wuz a goin home from the church, 
wich almost perdoosed a good old-time riot. 

The Corners is now normel. The Dimocrisy and the radikels hate each 
other ez hartily ez ever. Fites is ez common ez ever, and I am back In miy 
old place at Bascom's. 

Thus did I avert calamity from the Corners, and thwart the evil en- 
deavors uv a yoosurpln President. May Dimocratic leeders everywhere act 
with ekal firmness and promptnis. Wat is peece to the continyood exist- 
ence UT the Dimocratic party? 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex-Reformer. 

WHY THE CORNEKS IS NOT PROSPEROUS. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wlch is in the State uv Kentucky), 
April 6, 1877. 
Ther Is no disputin the fact, the Comers is not prosperous. Ther 
Ain't no buildin goin on, ther ain't no trade uv any account, and ther is a 
yooniversal dullness wlch is discouragin to the well-wisher uv his kind. 
Not that it makes eny espeshl difference to me, for all that I require Is my 
llkker regler, and plenty uv the same without labor; but a enterprisin man 
wlch bleevesB that proerress la a sood thing wood be dishartened at t^ 
aondlshn uv things at the Comers. Ez for me, I kin singr: . 



Tui iHASBi Ljetts&s. tX'd 

♦TVTieTje'er I walk to take the air. 

How many poor I see; 
But I kin say tha t I don't care 

Ef they all starve but me." 

I hevn't grot ez many or ez extensive bowels uv compashn ez I yooat 
to hev. My sympathies is constipatid. 

It isn't at all difficult to determine the reason for the depreshn that 
egoists here. When Tilden-and-Reform wuz counted out, 8 to 7, and the 
yooserpar Hayes wuz inog-geratid, we expectid that the leest that he wood 
do wood be to recall the troops from the South, and make us free men 
again. 

Hez he done It? He is, we understand, Intendin to do it In South Ker- 
liny, but how is it elsewhere? No troo Southerner kin be enterprisin and 
progressive so long ez he is ground down under the iron heel uv military 
power. Our citizens feel their condishun so keenly, they are so deprest by 
the continyooance uv military rool that they hevn't done a stroke uv any 
kind uv work for yeers. Ther feelds are all left uncultivatid except ez 
they kin indoose new niggers wich come here to work in em, but ef they 
hevn't anything to pay em with they never work a second time, wich 
niakes em anything but a shoor dependence. 

It Is one uv the most techin sites in nacher to see the people layin on 
tlier backs at Bascom's and leanin on his bar, deplorin the okkepancy uv 
tlie South by military, and their consekent inability to hoe ther corn or cut 
ther grass. 

Only last week I heerd Issaker Gavitt remark: 

"Wat's the yoose uv puttin in a crop this spring, ef the South is to be 
»ver-run by bloo-koted hlrelins, perpetyooally?" 

And then when Bascom refoozed to give him credit for another drink, 
Iissaker turned sadly to me, and sed, with a voice choke^ with emotion: 

"Too seehow It Is! Oh the cussld tyranny uv an unconstooshnel ad- 
Mi nistrashen! Oh, the grindin effeck uv military okkepashen! Wat kin 
Men do under sich circumstances?" 

It Is troo that ther ain't no soljers at the Comers, and never hev bin 
i.ence the village wuz okkepied by the Federals In 1862, but that don't 
inake any difference. Also we hev votid here jist ez we pleased, and we 
aev kept the niggers and carpet-baggers from votin, but that don't make 
any difference nuther. There is troops In Loozeaner and South Kerliny, 
and Packard and Chamberlin Is de facto guverners uv them states. How 
kin a troo Kentuckian put In a <jrop or hoe his corn so long ez sich a state 
uv things eggslsts? How kin ther be any enterprise or any development 
uv resources, or any progress, when we hev to spend all our time clankin 
the chanes uv our brothers further South? All that kin be expectid uv 
us is to hang our harps on the willers at Bascom's and drown our greef at 
his bar. 

And sence It is settled that we ain't goln to hev the fedrel ofRses, Bas- 
com hez refoosed us further credit, and the poor comfort uv his likker (or 
to speak more akkerltly, uv his poor likker) is denied us. When drouth is 
added to slavery, the situashen Is terrible Indeed. 

Wat the yooserper wants to do is to withdraw the troops from the 
South. Take the grasp uv nine hundred soljers from the throtes uv the 
millions uv Southerners, and let us breathe. And this done, give the 
offlses, in a sperit uv conclliashen, to the constltooshnel patriots wich wua 
pardoned by A. Johnson, and all will be well agrin. I kin never be recon* 
Biled so long ez ther Is a nigsor to the post-offis at the Comer*— never. 



214 Thx Kasbt LsTTSfts. 

I keer very little, though. My blznla through life hez bin, mostly, 

strugrg-lin with viclssitoods, and my struggles is rapidly drawin to a close, i 
Persnelly I hev little intrest In it, tho I wood like to hev my pathway tO| 
the tomb smoothed by reasonable credit, and, consekently, regler supplies.' 
But when I look around me and see how iron-heeled oppreshn kills out en** 
terprise In the CJomers, I cannot but help enterin my solium protest. 

May the yooserper heed the warnin, and let up on the South afore de- 
lirium tremens so withers the populashen ez to leeve no Dimecrats to bo 
releeved. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex-Reformer. 

MORE TEOUBLE AT THE COENERS. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich Is in the State uv Kentucky), 
April 17, 1877. 

We hed an eleckshun for a Justls uv the peece at the Corners, las\ 
week, to fill vacancy. Eliphalet Boyer, who hez filled the posishen to th« 
entire satisfacshen uv the people, that is the white people, for the lasti 
forty years, finelly succumbed to Bascom's likker and the unconstitoosh' 
nel eleckshun uv Hayes, and went to hia long home. Peece to his ashes/ 
He was a gileless man, and a good one. It was his constant boast thai 
in his 40 yeers uv servis he alluz give a verdick for the plaintiff. "Ef th» 
plaintiff wuzn't in the right wat in thunder did he soo for?" wuz his r^ 
mark. When the unconstooshnel Fifteenth Amendment wuz passed, 
Squire Boyer devotid his entire energies to decidin agin them niggers. H«* 
varied his practis so much that it didn't make any diffrens whether tbuK 
nigger wuz plaintiff or defendant, the verdick wuz invariably agin him> 
His rool wuz that whenever two white men dispoots, one of em must bir 
rite, but that it wuz impossible that a nigger shood be rite under any cir^ 
cumstances. When ther was a white man agin a nigger the verdict wm> 
agin the nigger, without heerin evidence; and so healthy and vigrus u 
prejoodis hed he agin niggers that I hev knowd him, when one nigge|^ 
f^cod another, to give a verdick agrin both uv em, wich wuz a triumph wi 
joorisprudonce. And they felt theirselves lucky ef he didn't commit em 
ior contempt uv court. Good old man! We shel never see his like aglr^f 

'Squire Boyer hevin gone hentz, we hed to elect a justls to fill his plactt, 
and in the Convenshun Deekin Pogram and Abslum Pettus wuz the can- 
didates. Pettus developed a good deal uv strength, but the Deekin heviu 
Invitid the convenshun out to take suthin, it turned the scale and he wuz 
nominated. Pettus swora he wood never stand that kind uv tactics, ^nd 
he declared hisself an independent candidate, at wich we laft, for the Dim- 
ocrisy uv the Corners are firm bleevers in the sanctity uv regler nomina- 
ehens. 

The radikels, mostly niggers, hed did by Pollock and Bigler, met and 
resolved to make no nominashen, and so the contest wuz between the good 
old Deekin and this wretched, dlsorganizin Pettus, and a very lively can- 
\ass it wuz. 

The niggers called a meetin, wich perceedin filled us with astonish- 
ment. Sich a thing hed never happened here before, and we all wondered 
wat it meant 

"Uv course this can't be permitted!" sed the Deekin. 

"Not any," sez I. "It's agin nacher, and must be pervented." 

And so on the nite uv the meetin. Issaker Gavitt, Capt. McPelter and 



The Kasby Lettess. 215 

the rest uv the faithful went to the hall over Pollock's store, where the 
niggers wuz in session, and pullin out revolvers, advised em to git. The 
niggers didn't git, for up sprung Pettus and about a dozen uv his frends, 
and made some few remarks. 

"Theze gentlemen," sed Pettus, "is citizens uv the Yoonited States, and 
ez sich hev a rite to meet and consult ez to the condishn uv our common 
country. They are agoin to do it, or yoo hev me to fite, ez well ez them. 
This thing is played out." 

I wuz strvck dum with astonishment. 

"Why, this is revolooshen! This Is anarky! This Is a turnin over uv 
things! This is a upturnin and an upheevle! The idee uv a white man 
ff.nd a Dimekrat a sidia with niggers and radikels! Pettus, wat do yoo 
joiean? Set down, sir I The Dlmocratio party holds yoo to your allegi- 
•inse." 

"D— n the DImekratic party!" wuz the reply uv this infiddle. '*I want 
fo be Justis, and I'm a goin to be! I perpose to beet that old sucker!" 

The niggers held ther meetin, and resolved to cast ther ballots for 
Abslum Pettus, esq. 

"Will they be allowed to vote?" askt the Deekin, his voice quiverin 
-rlth emoshun. 

"Never!" sed I. "Ef they vote then chaos comes agin." 

The eleckshun wuz held last Monday. Early in the momin Pettus, and 
• dozen or two renegade Dimocrats, with Pollock and that infamus Joe 
jngler, all uv em with revolvers, wuz on hand when the poles wuz opened 
>««rlth more than a hundred niggers. Instid uv hevin Pogram, Bascom and 
nlcPelter for the board, wich hez bin the custom for yeers, they insistid 
Mpon being represented theirselves, and ez they wuz largely in the major- 
ity they put a nigger on the board. 

The Dimocrisy rallied, but It wuz evident they wuz demoral- 
»«ed. Pettus talked all day about the rites uv all 
^fjtizens to vote, and ez the niggers hed bin made citizens he swore 
»foey shood vote, or he'd know the reason why, espeshelly ez they wuz all 
it votin for him. And Pollock and Bigler backed him up, and the niggers 
'bok heart, hevin support from so many white men, and they come in In 
(Uroves, and votid ez naterally ez tho they hed bin alluz yoosed to it. 

And ez we hed no chance to do the countin by ourselves, owin to the 
xJgger'a bein on the board, with Pettus and Bigler standin right behind 
him, the omary cuss wuz declared electid, and Deekin Pogram defeetid, 
by a large majority. 

This is the end uv all things. Pettus hez declared for the administra- 
Bhen uv the yooserper Hayes, and hez changed his hedquarters to Pol- 
lock's store, and there he and his minyiins meet every nite and exult over 
his triumph. 

But It doesn't end here. Issaker Gavitt kicked a nigger yesterday and 
the nigger hauld him up afore Squira Pettus, and that onfeelin man fined 
Issaker, and when Issaker refoos<?a to pay the fine on the ground that a 
court elected by niggers coodent possibly be constooshnel, nohow, he 
chucked him into the calaboos-?, where he now languishes a marter to prin- 
Biple and a want uv four dollars and a half! 

Wher will It end? Th-^ Lord only knows. The color line Is bustid In 
the Comers, and the naggers, by the treachery uv one man, hev the power. 
Next fall they will el«ct the county oifisers, ef some Dimekrat wich hez 
»»*v«r 6iatininii»hi^ nisself a shootin uv em sees fit to hed em, and some 



-li The Kasby LfcTxEas. 

elch will be found. I kin see wat Is goin to happen. Deekln Porram fs 
now greevln that he didn't show the black cusses sum considerashen, and 
entice them away from Pettus. He is lamentin that he didn't treat em 
cordelly, and affilyate with em, and yoose em ez becums voters. "Hed I 
done this," said the good old man, "I mite hev bin electid." Good heavens! 
to tliink uv the hawty Caucashun bendin the supple knee to a nigger for 
his vote! To this complexion must it come at last! I see It all. The love 
uv offis outways the hatred uv color. Sich Is poor human nacher. Ther 
ain't nothin but rooin ahed. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBT, Ex-Reformer. 

MB. NASBY GIVES EXTRACTS FEOM HIS DIARY. 

• Confedrit X Roads, 

(Wlch Is In the State uv Kentucky), 
April 26, 1877. 
Ef the yooserper Hayes don't find hisself Into a muss with his party 
in less than a month I am mistaken. I hev bin in Noo York, and I hev ' 
observed the indicashens. There is a storm a brewin wich will break ontf^ 
his devotid hed, and sweep him from the face uv the political eartli. !»*• 
Is Inevitable. Them ez wuz instrumental in electin him are a deserti© 
uv him. Ther ain't wun uv em that bleeves in his Southern policy. 

The follerin from my diary, while In Noo York, will perhaps show th»» 
sitooashen ez clearly ez anything: 

Monday— Met gentleman in bar-room. Red nose, and evidently in bil' 
yus circumstances, and, ez it were, constipatid finanshelly; asked him how 
he wuz pleased with the administrashen ; replide that he hed alluz bin », 
Republlkin, and hed cherished the hope for menny years that he shood di«i 
In the lovln embrace uv that gellorious party. But he wuz afeerd that it 
hed run its course. Coodent approve uv the President's Southern polisy, 
and felt that for the pertection uv the nigger he shood be driven into the 
arms uv the Dimocrisy. No party cood live wich didn't take care uv its 
workers. He cood put his hand on his heart and say that the fact that he 
hed bin suddenly dropped out uv a place in the custom house hed nothin 
to do with his present position, but when he looked to the strugglin Repub- 
Ukins uv the South, and saw how they hed bin treated by the President, he 
felt that he cood do nuthin less than go over to the Dimocrisy. Teerfully • 
acceptid an Invitashun to take suthin, and with great futility attempted 
to borrow a dollar uv me, wich is on the same lay, and pensively de- 
parted. Met him sevral times that day, with perpetyooal repeets uv the 
same talk, and, with respect to borrowin, repeets uv the same experience. 

Toosday— Gentleman with a protooberant abdomen. Resides near Roch- 
ester, but hez bin in the habit uv comin to Noo York, wunst a month, to 
draw his salary from the custom house. Is uv the opinyun that Hayesea 
Southern polisy is a faleyoor. Don't keer a straw about his bein turned 
out uv his place, but weeps when he thinks uv the Republikins uv the 
South bein abandoned by the President. Commenst sheddin pearly teers 
over the abandonment the mornin he wuz discharged. Wood hev distilled 
the briny sooner, but never hed time to think uv it. Shel either organize 
a new party on the basis uv protectln the niggers in the South, or jine the 
Dimocrisy— ain't shoor wich. Is convinst that suthin ought to be done, 
there bein a crisis, and Freedom lyin a gaspin. Felt when he receeved 
hi» dismissal that the war hed bin fought in vane, and that he hed lopt 



TUK jSaSBi LETTli&S. 217 

all the froots uv victry. Is wondrin If Tweed will reely rise and take pos- 
session uv the g-overnment uv the city when he Is discharged. 

Wensday — Thin party vehemently denounsin Hayeses policy. Denounc- 
In the abajidonment uv Repubiikins uv the South, with teers In his eyes. 
Considers the country hangin on the verge uv rooin. Came down here 
with a letter from his member of Congris askin that he be appintid to a 
eighteen hundred dollar place Ir the custom house. Collector Arthur on- 
feelinly remarkt that there wuzn't any vacancies, nor any prospeck uv 
ther bein one, and that he hed better go home and g^o to work. Wantid 
to know if this wuz the way to bring about reform? Bleeved in ci/il ser- 
vice reform, but alsoi bleeved that we ought to come to it gradooally. 
Don't care so much about not gittin his place, altho he ought to hev it, but 
he felt like weepin when he thought uv the abandonment uv the Repubii- 
kins uv the South by the President. Isn't shoor but that, in order to se- 
koor the full froots uv the war for the Yoonun, he will yit be obliged to 
cast in his lot with the Dimocrlsy. Shel wait and see. Hopes for the best, 
but spends the heft uv his time a tremblin for his country. Wantid to bor- 
rer a dollar. 

And so on. While I bleeve that the President hes disrupted his party, 
I shood hev liked the prospick better ef I cood hev seen more uv wat mite 
tie called the biznes classes jinin the denunciashen uv his policy, and ef it 
Itedn't bin so excloosively confined to gentlemen with illuminated coun- 
lenances. I hev no objeckshun to red noses, for mine is not uv the pearly 
•lint wich lovers uv buty prefer, bein ruther a beekin lite; but 1 know 
\hat it ain't' A favorite color among the people, onless one kin get a medikle 
% ertificate that he aquired it by disease, or some pekoolyer diet. Likewise 
vc wood be better ef the disapprovers, ez a rool, didn't hev onsuccessful 
kietters askin for places about their persons, or little dokiments dismissin 
»«v em, carefully conseeled in ther clothes. These things are calkilatid to 
»«ase doubts, in the minds uv narrer men, uv the disinterestednis uv ther de- 
. vunsiashuns. But I hev this comfort — they kin all yawp, and all the peo- 
ple don't know the impellin motive uv the yawp. 

The lion in affluent circumstances, a gorgin hisself with the carcass uv 
tiis prey, is a quiet beast, but rend the prey from him and he grrowls. Just 
so with the man in offls. Ef the powers that be let him alone, he is quiet, 
but take that from him, and his growls is av/ful. The yooserper Hayes 1*1 
accumulatin a stock uv grrowls, wich will increase ez he goes on. 

I shoodent like to be in his place. While the innocent man wuz in 
ded ernest when he pledged hisself to civil servis reform, them ez held 
places, ez well ez them expectin em, thought he wuz like Tilden, jist In fun 
about it. And now that it is a stern reality, there is trouble, and the^*? 
will be more. I hev hopes. Out uv the carcass cometh honey. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex-Reformer. 

ME. NASBY ON THE PEESIDENT'S POLICY. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 

May 23, 1877. 

The Yooserper Hayes is nothin but a disappointment to the Corners. 

He duzn't give me half a chance, and seems to take delite in disapplntln 

my expectashens. When he removed the nine hundred soljers from the 

South, and thus emancipatid from the grindin effex uv military despottow 



8tt Tkk Nasby IrETTSmS. 

three milUsnixus uv people, it seemed to be so direckly aimed at my interests 
that I took it ez a persnel matter. T^em soljers hed bin board, lodgin and 
likker to me for a great menny yeers. "Whenever we, uv the Corners wuz 
reproached for not doin nothin, I cood alluz inflame the people in Bas- 
com's and wither the reproacher by askin wat cood be expectid when the 
Corners wuz a groanin under military rool? "Does Poland go forrerd in 
the path uv progress?" I askt. "Pint me in histry to any subjoogatid na. 
shen that e\er did any thing when the iron hans uv military power wui! 
onto ther throats. Even the Jews when in captivity hung their harps onto 
the willers, and ref oozed to sing in strange lands. Give us our freedom 
agin, and we may wunst more hist a cheerful stave, and warble gaily. 
But ez it is — Bascom, jist one more, ef. there's room on the slate.** 

But now that the 900 soljers is removed, and ez we hain't got no ex- 
coose for not quittin Bascom's and goin out and doin suthin, PollooH 
and Bigler jeer at us. 

The meetin uv Congris wich wuz to hev taken place In Joon wood 
hev given us suthin to go on. I hed speeches keerfully prepared to shoo), 
off at the administrashen, wich I wuz to hev furnisht our member u^ 
Congris, wich wuz scathin denunciashens uv Hayes, and ez they wood hev 
come in afore the f roots uv the yooserper's polisy hed showd itself, an*' 
ez we cood predict all sorts uv trubble, it wood hev kep alive the wanin 
hopes uv men like me. But now he hez gone and postponed the meetiii 
till October, by wich time them recreant Sutherners ez wants everytliii;«: 
ez quiet ez a mill-pond, will hev got things ther own way, and we be lefi 
helplis. It's too provoldn. r^ 

But ef he thinks we are a goin to be satisfied with the concessions h!< 
hez made, he is mistaken. The Suthern hart wunst fired keeps smolderi i 
a long time, and ain't so easily squenched. The Comers hez demands t.) 
make, and the Corners hez got to hev wat it wants afore it will be sat 
isfled, or consider the work uv reconstruckshen properly done. The Coi 
ners wants prosperity, and the Corners demands that the government 
makes the Corners prosperous. We hevn't got the money to do it, but w« 
want It, and ef the government wants that acquiescence that It seems t)j 
consider desirable, the government will see that it is done. 

The Corners demands uv the general government ez follows: 

1. The slack-watrin uv Slawter Crik, to make it navigable for boats u/ 
the largest cla^s, at all seasons uv the yeer. (We may demand that the 
government put the boats on, but will let that go for the present.) 

2. The guaranteein uv the bonds uv the Confedrit X Roads and S 
cessionville railroad, and the compleshun uv that road, that we may avoiJ 
haulin, by teems, the likker and other necessaries uv life wich we hev to I 
buy in Looisville. 

3. The immejit bildin uv an arsenel at the Corners, and the otfiserin 
uv the same from the citizens thereof, that some kind uv manufacturin 
may be done here. 

4. The immejit bildin uv a levee on Slawter Creek that the lands uv 
Deekin Pogram and Issaker Gavitt, and sich lands ez I may hereafter pur-, 
chis may not be overflowed. 

5. The compleshun uv the plank road from the Corners up P^ed Run, by 
the way uv Pokerville, to avoid the nigger settlement at Freedom, wich are 
customers uv Pollock's, wich is a carpet-bagger, and ain't a Republikin 
and ain't therefore entitled to no consideration whatever from a cuiioiiia- 
tory administrashen. 

6. The buildin uv a permanent postofRs and government bildins at 
the Corners. 

7. The dredgln out uv the mouth uv Sandy Run, to make a landin 
there, that we kin he^^ a proper marKit for our prodoose when we git nigger 
l«b^ cheap enuff to begin to raise some. 



► 



Thi Nabbt Lettim. 21f 

Ther are some other things wlch we shri want, that we may be prop- 
erly conslliated; the compleshun uv the Davis Hill road, for instance, and 
the appropriashen uv lands to finish the "Biblikl*^ Institoot," wich never 
got further than the layin uv the corner stun, but them things will cum 
up afterward. Wat I hev enoomeratid will do for the present. 

The South wants nussin, and won't be passified without it. How are 
we goln to enter upon a career uv prosperity onless the government fur- 
nishes the means? We are an high-spirited but an impoverisht people, 
and want to be cared for. The war took away our laber, and left us help- 
lis. Go into Bascom's any day, or nite, and yoo will see there a hundred 
helplis men, whose fields are untilled, and all uv em groanin over the con- 
dishn uv things. Our railroads are not built, our slack- watrin ain't done, 
and everything is at a stand-still. The niggers wich wuz wunst ourn are 
labrin for theirselves, and spendin their earnins on theirselves. They are 
prosperous? Troo. But they ain't the ones to be prosperus. We, the eoo- 
perior class, are the ones wich must hev the fosterin keer uv a paternal 
and maternal government. 

Let the government do this for us, and ther will be peece. 

Deuy us these modrit rekests, and there will continyoo to be that sul- 
len feelin wich alluz exists in a proud the conkered people. May th* 
yoosorper and his Seriit be wis«». 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, (wich is opprest.) 

P. S.— My appintment to the postoffls at the Corners wood go a grate 
way toward consiliatin the Corners. It wood consulate two, mo and Bas- 
com It wood enable me to pay wat I ewe him, and lay the foundashens 
for new credit, broad and strong. J>. v. N. 

MR. NASBY ASSISTS AT A RECEPTION. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Joon 15, 1877. 

The recepshun given our two noble reform standard -barers In Noo 
Tork wuz not jist wat we hed looked for. We uv the West hed agreed 
that Hendrix mite be receptid in Nf»o York, to git him into trainin tor 
the Presidenshel candidacy in 1&80, but Tilden got wind uv it and blocked 
our little game. We hed to recept him ez well ez Hendrix, and ez Sam- 
yooel, in the recent campane for reform hed spent five millyuns uv dol> 
lars a buyin up votes and sich, he insisted upon bein made cheef mourner 

This wuz espeshelly disagreeable to me, for I hev a bitternis wich I am 
nourishin. I coodent help remeraberin that at the reform convenshun in 
St, Loois the reform managers only paid me $400 for my vote, when other 
delegates with not more than half my inflooence receeved twice and threa 
times that sum. I wuz swindled, and uv course I coodent view the swin 
dler with complacency. 

The parade the first evening wuz a site that wuz cheerin to a nashnei 
reformer. It showed me that In Noo York, at least, the fires uv Dimoc- 
risy wuz a blazin britely, and that tho we hed bin cheetid out uv our Preai- 
dent, it wuz not to be stayed in its onward march toward reform. I saw 
the old familyer faces. There wuz Teddy O'Shaughnessy, who alone and 
single-handid, killed six adult and five infant niggers, in the demonstra- 
Bhun uv Jooly 4th, 1863, seelin in their blood his devoshun to Dimocrisy. He 
holds four offises now In the city government. Ther wuz Patsy O'Brien 
wfe© imz p«rdoxked out uv Slng-Sin|j ^ist In time to take part to the reform 



i 



220 The Nasbt LETTsaa. 

movement last fall, and Micky O'Flyn and Timmy Ryan, and In short «41 
the old stand-bys uv the reform party, ez full uv zeel ez ever. 

A deliteful little re-yoonyun we hed after the speeches, in a convenient 
s*loon, a talkin over old times and makin plans for the fucher. They con- 
sidered the prc»spex for the fucher uv the reform Dimocrisy cheerin. Pat- 
sy O'Brien sed that the emigrashen from Ireland wuz increesin every day, 
and that under the rool uv the reform managers uv Tammany ther wood 
bo no trouble watever in votin an Irishman ez soon ez he landid. 

It hed bin sejestid that they shood be allowed to vote in Ireland by 
simply announsin their intenshuns uv comin over, but he didn't approve uv 
it. Ez soon ez they hed votid there, they wood insist upon bein made 
skool direkters, or bein put upon the pay-roll uv the p'leece uv this city. 
He held that a man holdin ofRs ought at least be upon the ground. There 
wood be no trouble in keepin up our majority here. Whisky wuz cheei\ 
and the process uv makin Dimocrats wuz goin on uninterruptedly. 

The recepshun at the Manhattan club wuz a brillyant affair. In » 
swaller-taled cote and a white neck-tie, I am rather an imposin spektacl© 
It is grand but uncomfortable, but I bore it like a hero. 

Tilden, the reformer, is a great man. His sp'Bech wuz a modle. His de- 
nunciashen uv fraud, and the necessity uv preservin the purity uv the bal" 
lot-box wuz ez techin a piece uv oratory ez I ever heerd. It affectid th» 
Tanunany leeders wich stood around him to teers. 

One little accident occurred wich mite hev marred the harmony uv his 
speech, hed anybody else bin a makin uv it. He wuz denouncin th<» 
wrong that hed bin done the people, by forcin a President electid by 
fraud upon em, and deplorin the yoose uv improper Inflooences in eleck' 
shuns, when a package uv papers fell out uv his breast coat pockit and 
wuz scattered on the floor. They wuz the telegrams ofCerin $5,000 for a Ore* 
gon elector, and all the receipts for money pade in the Cronin and Gobbli 
biznis. Everybody hed the presence uv mind not to pay any attenshun t« 
em, and he went on denouncin fraud ez cooly ez tho it wuz a pockit tes 
tament that he hed dropped. 

A excellent life-inshoorence agent wuz spiled when Saml. J. Tilden 
went into pollj^tix. 

Likev/lse I admired his witherin denunshiashen uv corrupshen general- 
ly, with all uv Tweed's old leftenants— his pardners — in the crowd. It wuz 
a spektacle seldom ekalled — never surpast. 

Ef Samyooel J. Tilden cood combine any uv the characteristics uv the 
late G. Washington, with them wich he possesses, he wood be a sliinin 
lite Indeed. 

He is the most pashunt uv men. A Dimecratic member uv Congris- 
elect sed he wantid to make a speech on the Presidenshel question, and 
wantid some informashen. He wantid to know wat wuz the uieenin uv 
the frazes, "President de jury," and "President de fakto." Samyooel sot 
down and explained it to him. I didn't ketch it all, but from wat I did 
heer, I understand that a President de jwry wuz a man wich hed spent 
$5,000,000 a buyin up votes and sich, and didn't git the place; and a Presi- 
dent de facto wuz a man wich actilly got the posishen without spendin t 
svssid cent for it. 

The next day we hed a splendid time uv it. I wuz put in charge uv a 
eminent reformer wich showd us the city. It wuz not only interestin but 
instructive. 

We hed kerrtdges, and we wuz ^ken to the Sixth ward to see wh« 






l^HE Kasby Letters. ^1 

Dlraecratlc majorities come from, and from thence we went to vew the 
onflnished court house on wich thirteen millyuns hev bin already spent, 
and wich will take almost as much more to finish it. 

"That bildin cost us thirteen milyuns," sed our guide proudly. "The 
Brooklyn people bilt a bigger one and only got five hundred thousand out 
uv it, wich wuz a waste uv opportunities seldom ekalled in the history uv 
the reform Dimocrisy. That postoffls" — and ez he looked at it a portenshus 
frown wrinkled his brow, castin a sh adder on his nose which changed the 
gorgeous red to a gastly bloo— "that postoffis we wuz swindled out uv. It 
wuz bilt by a corrupt Republikin administrashen, and only cost two mil- 
yuns and a half. Ef it hed bin in our hands, in the hands uv men wich 
know how to make sich things pay, it wood hev cost twenty milyuns by 
this time and woodent hev bin half dun yit. Ah! if Tweed hed only hed 
it! A grate man is Tweed— the reform Dimocrisy uv the city miss him 
very much." 

And then we druv up town, and looked sadly at the gorgeous palaces 
wich Sweeney, Connolly, Harry Genet, Garvey, Ingersoll and them old Ro- 
mans bilt at the expense uv the city, afore they become eggsiles onto a 
furrin shoar; we looked at the armories wich wuz bilt in the golden age uv 
the Dimocrisy, and unable to endoor moor we alighted and hung our harps 
on the willers, in a s'loon, and wept ez we drunk cheap whisky out uv thick 
glasses. 

"This ain't the likwid I wood be absorbin hed the reformer Tilden bin 
electid," sighed the reformer wich wuz showin us around. "We hed it fixed 
that the custom-house wuz to be rebilt, and I wuz to hev hed the contrak. 
Nothin less than shampane wood hev irrigatid this wasted frame for the 
next ten yeers. Oh! the cussid fraud that kep us out! After all the 
money I spent — I hed charge uv the repeeters we sent to Connecticut and 
NToo Jersey — after all my sacrifices in the interests uv reform, to be thus 
swindled out uv my reward!" 

And the poor man broke down with emoshun. 

We paid our respects to the marter Tweed, to Tilden at his home, to 
Morrissey at his faro-bank, and other leedin Dimocrats, and then seper- 
ated. Each went to his home filled with fresh zeel for Dimocrisy, and with 
fresh determinashen to do our level best to bring about a Dimocratlc 
triumph this fall, as a precursor to a crownin triumph In 1880. To see how 
the Dimocrisy uv Noo York live, Infiames me with righteous zeel. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex-Reformer. 

MR NASBY HOLDS HIS REGULAE CONVEjnTION. 

Confedrit X Roads, 

»(Wich Is In the State uv Kentucky), 
Aug. 26, 1877. 
' ' The Dimocrisy uV the Comers met In convenshun yisterday, to nomin- 
ate a county tikkit, and a deliteful season it wuz. Bascom arrayed his 
grosery with green branches, in honor uv the occashun, and ez the wheat 
[ growd In the region hed bin harvestid and sold, he hed ordered two barls 
uv noo likker from Looisville. The harvest wuz earlier this season than 
ever before. Pollock notified the citizens that ez there wuz a bountiful crop 
he wood give em no more credit for goods, but they laft him to skorn. 
"We kin go without shoes and stockins and sich, for It's liable to be a mild 
winter," they sed. But when Bascom sed "no more trust for likker!" they 
turned pale and went to ther wheat fields. 



St2t The K^asbt I/ettbAs. 

It wuz a pleasant convenshun. The delegates wuz full uv enthooslasm 
for the party and its time-honored prinsiples, and the oftener they went 
to Bascom's the more enthoosiastic they became. To save time I finelly 
adjourned em to Bascom's In order to Iceep a quorum together. 
- I rose, ez Is the regler thing, to report a series uv resolooshena wich I 
hed prepared wich runs ez follows:. 

Resolved, That the Dimocrlsy uv the Corners, in convenshun assem- 
bled, now, ez ever, reiterate ther approval uv the war uv 1812, and wunst 
more nale the motto, "free trade and salers' rites," to the mast head, and 
under it demand to be led to victry. 

This resolooshen wuz reseeved with cheers. 

Resolved, That the Dimocrlsy uv the Corners reaffirm their devoshun 
to the prinsiples uv the immortal Jefferson and Jackson likewise, and con- 
gratulate the country upon the successful result uv the battle uv Noo 
Orleens. 

Resolved, That the thanks uv this convenshun is hereby tendered to 
-i^.he gallant volunteers from Kentucky and Tennessee, who, on that bloody 
/feeld beat back the British invader, and added new luster to the Amerikifj 
name. 

Resolved, That we are unalterably opposed to a high protective tariff, 
to the nashnel bank, and in favor uv hard money, and opposed to paper 
nv any kind. 

Here wuz a little trouble. Bascom Inslstid that we ought not to in- 
'ilude a denunshiashen uv paper money, for, ez he understood it, wat the 
Dimocrlsy wantid wuz more paper money, and no gold for the bloatid 
'»ond-holders. 

Deekin Pogram rose and sed he didn't know wat the Dimocrlsy wantid 
nor wat they didn't want, but this ha did know, that a resolooshen agin 
paper money hed bin in evry Dimekratic platform he ever hed anything to 
4o with, sence the first convenshun he attendid, in 1828, and he wood never 
sit camly by and see a platform with that plank left out. He wanted to 
stand by the old lites, and wuz opposed to innovashuns and innovators 
then I went on: 

Resolved, That the Dimocrlsy protest agin the okkepashen uv the suv- 
rin states uv the South by Fedrel troops, and demand their immejit 
withdrawal. 

"Parson," sed the Deekin, "hezn't Hayes withdrawd the troops?" 
"Deekin, don't Interrupt me." 

Resolved, That the Dimocrlsy demand uv the Fedrel government re- 
form in the civil ser'/is, and economy in the expenditoors, and 

"Parson," sung out Bascom, "ain't that jist wat Hayes is adoin? Wat 
do we want to endorse him for?" 

"Bascom," I replied tartly— a little too tartly considerln that he holds 
the destiny uv our stummicks in his hands— "will yoo tell me wat good 
any reform kin be to us wich we don't make? Wat ef he is cuttin down 
offls-holders? Wat ef he is rootin out sinecures? Wat ef he is reformin? 
Wat good is reform to me so long Oz there is a nigger radikle in the post- 
offls, wher I ought to be, and a white radikle in the collector's offis, whcr 
tssaker Gavitt ought to be? Ther's a distinkshen. It does make a diffrerw 
who institoots a reform." 

The resolooshens wuz adoptld, a tikkit wuz nominated, and the con- 
venshun adjourned. It's a good thing to hold a Dimocratlc convenshun to 
a bar-room— the delegates don't hev to skatter after the biznis Is over. 



The Nasby Letters. 2Sh 

I notist with alarm thai the interrupshena and questionings In this 
jonvenshun came from Bascom and the Deekln. I feer that they don't al- 
.ogether understand Dimocrisy. Dimocrisy is the same, one and indivisible, 
low and forever. Evence and condishns may change, but Dimocrisy never. 
,Vat wuz Dimocrisy fifty yeers ago is Dimocrisy now, and will, I hope, be 
\tty yeers hence. I never go agin presedent; when a convenshun once 
)asses a resolooshen, that becomes Dimocrisy, and all succeedin conven- 
ihuns must reiterate it. We occashnelly hev to interdoose noo matter; ez 
or instance the war brought in some noo ishoos wich we can't ignore, but 
yunst there, there they must stay. In addishen to approvin the last war 
vith Great Britain, and opposin tariffs and sich, Dimekratic convenshuns 
rom this time out must protest agin the okkepashen uv Southern states 
iy Fedrel troops, and agin everything connectid with the war. Ef Provi- 
lence ever bles«es me with a son, I trust my sperit v/ill hover ovei him 
ind his son, and his son's son, in Dimocratic convenshuns, interdoosin 
esolooshens dammin the late war, and everything growin out uv it, ez well 
iz approvin uv the last war with Great Britain. 

That's my idee uv Dimocrisy, and alluz will be. Dimocrisy is ez eter- 
lel ez the hills and jist ez immovable. We are ez hard ez the granit rox, 
ind it takes jist ez much drillin to git anything new into us. We hold 
v-ell, but we don't hold much. The mcst pitiful site in nacher is to see a 
'ou ng man who hez a idee Into him, in an old Dimekratic con- 
enshun. It's terrible to see the old stagers wich wuz 
uckled on the war uv 1812, and weaned on Jacksonism, strugglin to 
ake in anything that hez happened sence that time, and fit it to their- 
elves. They can't do it. 

It is cheerin to me to see the Dimocrisy uv the Corners foUerin prese- 
ent so closely ez to demand hard money, when the wants uv the Corners 
emand paper, an* lots uv it; and it wuz cheerin also to see them ignore 
(le work the yooserper Hayes is doin, in the way uv reform, jist becoz he 
fuzn't electid by the Dimocrisy. 

Sich Dimocrats yoo kin count on with a degree uv certainty that is 
elitefuL Wood, oh wood, that we hed more uv em! 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY. 

THE PKESIDENT'S SOUTflEEN PEOGEESS. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Sept. 15, 1877. 

Ylsterday the Comers wuz profoundly shoked. Joe Bigler wuz over 
y Secessionville, and when he returned he spread the nooze that the frod- 
lent President, Hayes, wuz on a Southern toor, and hed decided to make 
ie Corners a visit. 

I wuz profoundly alarmed. I hed red uv crvashens he hed receeved in 
18 South, and hed wore mournin on my hat for two days in consr^kence. The 
lee uv Dimocrats bowin the knee to this Ablishn Baal and doin him honor 
:ung me to the quick. And to think that he shood hev the impoodence 
) come to the Corners, and undertake to conker the just prejoodisses uv 
ur sterlin Dimocrisy — that Dimocrisy wich never yit regardid time nor 
lace — but wich alluz remained troo to the cardinal pints uv Dimocrisy — 
lat he shood come and try to corrupt them, wuz too much. 

Suthia hed to be did, and that quickly. Bigler sed he wood be here 
»• next day, and I convened a meetin to wunst. 



2^4 Thi NA^Bt LEirrEtt^ 

It wuz a sad occashen. I statid the objlck in a few words. Here wui i 
fraudulent President wich hed bin goin over the entire South — a AbUsh: 
President — a travlin thro Kentuckj^ and Tennessee, and hed n't ez yit bee 
killed. Not so much ez a single brick hed bin shied at him— not so muc 
ez a single hiss or a groan hed bin hurled at him. Hisses and groans an 
bricks! On the contrary this representative uv the Ablishn sentitnen 
uv the North hed bin feasted, and wined and dined in the South, and b; 
Southern men! 

He wuz a comin to the Corners. Not content with poll ii tin LooisvilU 
he wuz to continyoo his triumphel progress to the Corners, and it wood b 
expectid that the Corners wood put its neck nder his yoke, and yelp hosar 
ners to this yooserper. Wood the Corners do it? (Cries of "Nevei 
never!") With a nigger in the postoffis, and a radikel in the collector' 
offis, wood the Comers consider itself satisfied? Never! The troops he 
bin withdrawd from Loosianer, but so long ez them ofRses is kep from th 
Dimocrisy, the remembrances uv a fratrisidle war still rankles in ov 
buzms. 

(The cheers wuz so vocifrus that I riz with the occashun.) 

Wat does all this mean? Where is the Dimocrisy? Wat is Dimo(j 
risy anyhow? Hez the old sperit died out? Do them Kentuckians wic 
are hurrahin for Hayes realize the fact that he wuz electid by Ablish 
votes? Do they remember that his sword is rusted with Southern blooi 
and that to sich ez him they owe the loss uv their niggers? 

Are they still Dimecrats? 

Who Is this Hayes? 

Does he believe in the last war with Great Britain? 

Does he believe in the resolooshens uv '98? 

Does he bleeve in free trade? 

Does he bleeve that Jaxon wuz the greatest uv Ameriklns, and that tt 
volunteers from Kentucky and Tennessee wich wuz at Noo Orleens ai 
deservin uv resolooshens uv thanks at every Dimecratic convenshun? 

Is he opposed to internal improvements, and does he still shout f( 
"free trade and salers' rites?" 

Is he in favor of the extenshun uv slavery to the territories, and is 1] 
opposed to the heresy uv Douglas? 

Did he vote for secession? 

Does he bleeve in states' rites, and is he in favor uv hard money? ( 
ruther— well, on the hard money question I ain't so pertikeler, but, I su 
it all up— is he a Dimekrat? 

And then I perposed the adopshen uv the foUerin resolooshens: 

Wareas, A fraudulent President which Is a yooserper is makin a toor i 
the South, and hez bin reseeved with demonstrashens uv approval I 
Suihern Dimekrats, and 

Wareas, The 6ed President is President de fakto, and not President i 
Jure 

Deekin Pogram— "Parson, wat Is de fakto and de jury?" 

I explained to the Deekin that them terms wuz furrin in their stru 

ter, but hed bin yoosed in Eastern Dimekiatio noosepapers, and mu 

therefore be good phrases, and that I wood explane em to him at soDi 

fucher time, and went oh: 

—and deserves the reprobashen, Instid uv the applause, uv all Dimekral 
and 

Wareas, We uv the Comers, hevin never heerd that this yooserper b 



The 2^asby Letters. 225 

single one uv the time-honored prrisiples uv the Dimeoratic party, but 
i in all respects a bloody-minded A''lishnist, theiefore be it 

Resolved, That in antissipashen uv his comin the Corners be dressed ii: 
lournin. 

Resolved, Ez a sense uv the hoomili&shen the Corners feels at his comln 
htat the day he is here shel be a day uv fastin and hoomiliashen, and 
hat to properly express our feelins, Bascom shel close on that day, and 
tie Corners shel gnash their teeth. 

Resolved, That doorin the stay uv the yooserper the Dimocrisy uv the 
'ornei-s shel keep within ther doors and leev« the welcomin uv the sed 
~od to the niggers and radikela. 

The resolooshen closin Bascom's wuz modified into dressin his front and 
Iso the barls in black crape, at Bascom'a expense, and the resolooshens 
Tiz passed yoonanimusly. 

At this pint Issaker Gavitt rose and wantid to offer a resolooshen! 
ssaker rernarkt that the resolooshens wuz just ez things now stood, but 
? wuz a merciful man. He didn't wmt to cut the j^ooserper off entirely, 
it desired to give him a chance to g in the esteem uv the Corners. He 
lood give him one more chance — Jus one more, and ef he refoosed that, 
hy then it wuz all over. He wood o.'fer this resolooshen: 

Resolved, That while we brand Rootherford B. Hayes ez a President de 
ikto, and ez a oppressor uv the South, and. ez a destroyer uv the liber- 
es uv his country, and so feelin, refooze to welcome him to the Corners, 
3vertheless, ef he shel do the Corne g the Justis to remove the infamus 
idlkel wich is collector, and appint 1 his place Tssaker Gavitt, and also 
■move the nigger postmaster and ap Int in his place the Rev. Petroleum 
. Nasby, it wood go a great way to vard softenin the bittornis and hoo- 
iliashen wich now rankles in the bu m uv the Corners, and wood tend 
?ry much toward restorin that bar nony and good feelin that shood exist 
?tween a secshun and the general g n-ernment. 

I wuz In doubt whether we ought to concede so much, but Bascom 
imed his eyes appealingly to me and I consented. I owe that man too 
uch to stand on trifles. The addishnl resolooshen wuz passed, and we 
Ijoumed, feelin that watever other places in Kentucky mite do, the 
orners hed done its dooty. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Ex-Reformer. 
P. S. — Jist ez we adjourned we got the nooze that Bigler hed bin hoax- 
uv us — that the accursed yooserper wusn't comin to the Corners at all. 
tiat man needs killin. p. v. N. 

ME. NASBY ASSISTS IN THE OHIO ELECTION. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
CWIch Is In the State uv Kentucky), 

Oct'. 15, 1S77. 
At the rekest uv the gllelis Richard Bishop, wich people supposed 
dn't know how to run a campane, I came to Toledo, Ohio, to assist in git- 
1 together the Dimocratic strength, and asshoorin the triumph uv that 
mocrisy uv wich, so fur, I hev bin a ardent supporter. And I may 
y. In parenthsis, that Dimocrisy hez no advantage over me in that re- 
beck, for ef I hev bin a support to Dimocrisy, Dimocrisy hez bin a support 
me. 

The eleckshun day passed off, and every man did his dooty. The re- 

.It will gladden the hart uv the Corners. "We hev electid our guvernor, 

id we hev sekoored a majority uv the legislacher, wich gives us another 

mator. Halleloojy! 

But the result ^v the eleckshun In the county was a astonisher w|cB 



2'Z^ The Nasby Letters. 



I hevn't bin able to account for yit. The workin-men uv the count]| 
bed organized, for the perpus uv betterin ther condishn. Sum uv em, 
wich reely do work, hev hed ruther a close time, and hev bin groanin ovM 
ther troubles, but ther are sum thousands wich don't never work at ali, 
and a lot uv lawyers and doctors, and sich Uke labrin men, wich alluz do 
the most healthy groanin on sich okkashens. 

In the interest uv the Dimekratik candidates, I urged the labrin men 
along all I cood, for nine-tenths uv em wich does work, and wich, ez w€ 
nggered it, wood be troo to the movement, blongs to the radikels, nater- 
ally, and we expectid to bring the Dimekratik lams wich hed strayed intc 
these pasters back into the fold on the mornin uv eleckshun. 

The day passed and everything looked lovely. The labrin men wui, 
out in ther strength, and we wuz certin that we hed drawd enuff vote^ 
from the radikels to inshoor the success uv our tikkit. And that evenin 3 
sot down with the candidates, and many wuz the beakers that we quaifec 
in jubilatin over the redempshen uv a Republikin stronghold. 

I retired that nite ez happy ez a lord, and ez comfortable ez a man coo^ 
be wich hed acheeved a victory. I slept the sleep uv the man wich he. 
discharged his dooty and is tolrable certin uv gettin his pay for it. 

•••♦***• 

The mornin sun wuz a streemin thro the winder uv my room tha 
blessid Wednesdy mornia. I sent down for a paper, and while I wuz pulh. 
on the boots the Dimekratic Central Committee hed given me, I glaucex 
at It. I wuz anxshus tc feest my eyes on the triumph I hed acheeved h; 
doopin the stoopid workin-men into runnin a tikkit uv ther own and throw 
in away ther votes. 
Horror! 
The labrin men hed swep the county, by a majority uv neerly tw 

thousand. _ . 

I am a man uv prompt ackshun in all matters uv prinsiple. I may b 
Black in matters pertainin to myself. I am criminelly slow in all thing 
wich concern meerly myself. I hev loitered when invitashens to drink he 
bin extendid to others, and hev santered, very frekently, so slowly ez no 
to git in before the change wuz mada; but in public matters where ther 
Is a prinsiple involved, no man kin be more prompt than I. 

I lookt twice to make shoor that ther wuz no mistake about the ma 
jorities. and that the workin-men hed reely kerried the county when 
started to the offis uv the hed centre. There wuz no time to lose. I didn 
want to come in at the eleventh hour. So prompt wuz I that I went wit 
wun boot on, and no hat. It wuz seven o'clock a. m.. and ther wuz n 

time to lose. 

I enrolled myself ez a workin-mun immejitly, and well it wuz that 
wuz ez prompt ez I wuz: For within a minit there cum to that offis 
thousand Republikins and Dimecrats. wich claimed the rite to enro 
theirselves in the noble army uv labrin men. 

They cum from every direckshun. 

Ther wuz in that throng every man wich hed bin bustid for a nomim 
Bhen in either the Republikin or Dimekiatic party, for ten years, and tt 
most promisin assortment uv heretofore unknown offis-seekers wich I ev< 
saw. And every blessid man uv em, without excepshun, all commenst 
Bpeech, towucst, and in korus, on the rites uv the down-trodden lubrJ 
man, and all uv em howled the same speech. 
' I saw these same men yisterday workin zelusly for the Dimecratlc « 



The Nasby Lettbrs, 22? 

Republikin tlkkets, and afore the eleckshun they hed bin most industrusly 
a standin on the corners uv the street, smokin very cheap cigars when 
they hed to buy em theirselves, and very expensive ones when they wuz 
bought by other people. 

"Are yoo goin to take these people in?" I shreeked in agony. "Can't 
yoo see that ther ain't ofRses enuff to go around?" 

"Sir!" exclamed they all feercely, "in^this holy croosade agin cappytle, 
and for the horny-handid toilers, we assert ther is offjses enuff. Ther wuz 
about four thousand votes, and we, who from circumstances didn't git in 
soon enuf to vote, will swell the number to five thousand. Very good. Let 
the Sheriff elect, immejitly appint two thousand five hundred deppyties, 
and the Treasurer elect stand up for the rites uv the labrin man, by appint- 
[ng two thousand five hundred clerks, and then keep out uv the organiza- 
Bhen the bloa»tid bankers, merchants, and them ez own shops and sich, 
so that we kin tax them, to pay our salaries. We shel keep out enuff cap- 
pytle to tax to support us. Cappytle hez hed its sway, so far— now laber 
comes in." 

And they votid to keep the books open till nine that day, and then 
3lose 'em. Ther didn't any more come, thank Hevin. The party is strong 
inuft to hold the city, but, merciful hevins! onless the sejestion I hev 
luotid is actid onto, what are they all ^goin to do? They kin elect a 
ZJouncil, next spring, and that Council kin vote to pay the labrers $2.50 a 
lay, but they won't take that. Ez they all expect ofHs, wat good will It be 
:o offer 'em work at any price? 

I sympathize with the labrin man, jist afore every eleckshun, but I 
:hink I shell git out uv the organizashen and go back to Kentucky wher 
:her aint any labor done that hurts. Ther is too eager an appreshiashen 
iv offis to m.ake it comfortable for a man like me, and the ranks uv the 
abrin men are likely to be swelled too fast for my purpus. Wat chance is 
her for one man among five thousand, and all uv em ez I am? 

The temprense movement is hevin a run up ther, but I indignantly re- 
bozed to jine it. I wuz askt to deliver a temprense lecter, but I declined. 

"I'm not a reformed drunkard," sed I. 

"That's easily fixed," remarked the rekester. "All yoo hev to do Is to 
luit." 

I heerd one man make a speech on the street corner. 

"Rum, like the grasshopper," sed he, "is a burden. I went home last 
ight, and went to the pantry for suthin to eat, and it wuz bare. I looked 
t my wife and children, and ther they sot, cold and hungry. Ther wuz no 
cod, no fooel, in the house — wat shood hev pervided for em hed gone for 
urn. Ez I looked into ther pale, pinched faces, and ther emashated forms, 
wakened conshense strove with me, and I then and there took a solemn 
ath never to drink again — onless I wuz asked." 

The eleckshun in Ohio is a triumph but it don't do me any good. Ther 
in't no way uv reeching my postoffis for three yeers, and I can't wait. I 
hel be in the silent tomb before that, and the worms will be at me. Still, 
did my dooty. PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Workin-man. 



228 The -Nasbt Letters. 

MR. NASBY ON THE SOUTHEEN BEMOCEACY. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
iWich is in the State uv Kentucky), 

Oct. 27. 1877. 

Despite the Dimocratic triumph in Ohio, and the prospective success in 
Pennsil'/any, my hart is sad. 

The Dimoci'isy uv the South is crushed, and there ain't no life into em. 
For the fust time sence the beginnin uv the unconstooshnel war, tlie cor- 
ners hain't got a greevance with wich it Icin inflame the public mind, or 
fire the public hart. 

The infamus eight to seven President, Hayes, hez taken away all our 
capitle, and did it in sich a crooel manner that I hevn't words to express 
my detestashen uv the man, or my hatred uv his ax. 

For fifteen yeers or thereabout— I can't git fax down to a fine pint in 
my present demoralized condishn — we hed a soft thing on the Radikels. ] 
hed it in my power at any time to inflame the Corners to a pitch uv frenzy, 
which enabled me to do anything under heaven with em. All I hed to do' 
wuz to leen on the bar at Bascom's, and sigh, and demand uv the peoplst 
"wat wuz the yoose uv startin a woolen factry, or developin a plantas.aen, 
or bildin a cotton mill, or anything uv the sort, so long ez the South wuh 
overrun with bloo-coted minyuns, and all our energies paralyzed?" 

Then Issaker Gavitt, after tryin in vane to borrer a quarter uv Deekij 
Pogram wood jine in. "Wat is the yoose," he wood say, "uv capitalists 
investin ther meaiis in developin the country, when they were groanix' 
under military despotism? For one, I" 11 never put my means into nothin, 
till we are releeved." 

Then the entire bilin uv them ez wuz leanin on the counter, waitin fo 
Bome strangei to come in and treet em, wood swear that so long ez they 
wuz a groanin under the oppression uv military rool, that they'd be d — d e) 
they advance anything for any enterprises uv any kind. It wuz liable t» 
be rooled by the iron heel uv military power. 

And after this ebullishn, they'd look wearily around to see wich'coo'<l 
hold out the longest, and flnelly jine agin Bascom, and so worry him that 
he'd give em eech credit for a bowel-warmer, rather than be annoyed witi: 
em, after which they'd go home and brood over the oppression they wu>. 
suffrin under, while ther wives wuz splittin wood with wich to fry tht 
bacon they hed borrered. 

Now this is all over. We never did hev any military at the Corners 
but ther wuz about 800 scattered thro the South. Them is all withdrawd 
and our capitle is gone. We can't enthuse any more. That withdrawal oj 
the military sealed up the fountain uv teers wich we hed bin in the habit 
uv sheddin over the oppreshn we hed bin sufferin under, and choked ofJ 
our lamentashens, Ef I say "military okkepashen," immejitly some Radi 
kel remarks that the troops is &V withdrawd, and ther ain't a bloo-kote ir 
the South. 

Then my sole sinlcs. 

Wat good wood a reformer be in a world wich hez no sin In it? Wa1 
good is ther in bein a agitator, when ther ain't nothin' to beller agin. E]* 
the yooserper hed left a hundred soljers in the South— ef he hed left ten- 
ef he hed put up a bloo-kote in a korn-feeld, it wood hev bin enuff; but tc 
Bend the entire eight hundred off to fite Injins, wuz crooelty to me and aid 
ez me, for wich I shel never forgive him. 



The Nasby Letters. 22H 

The lde« uv Dlmecratlc Convenshuns bein obleeged to endorse the acts 
uv a Republikin President! The id^e of hevin nothin' to howl about! 

I hev hed nothin but trouble and disappintment sence this policy wuz 
adopted. When I wuz in Noo York last week I tried to raise a fund to or- 
granize the Dimocrisj'^ for the next campane in the South. Not a dollar 
cood I git, for the merchants all remarkt that they wuz too bizzy shippin 
goods to the South to attend to nashnel pollytix. They refoozed to con- 
tribbit a cent, for they sed things wuz doin quite well, thank you, and they 
thought they cood git along without my help. 

In Kentucky, outside of the Comers, the people hev quit pollitix, purty 
much, and hev settled down to workin the plantashens, and the planters 
are conciliatin the niggers and payin uv em wages. The niggers ain't a 
votin together, and the whites aint nuther. The mizable low-sperited beins 
are goin on quietly attendin to her biznis, and ther ain't no call for men 
like me. They remark to me that ez they ain't got any rites that are in 
jeperdy, they ain't a suffrin for a defender to any alarmin extent, and they 
•step up and take ther drinks, by theirselves, and don't ask me, and so I 
suffer from drouth. 

When the pot biles, the sediment comes to the top. The yooserper 
hez poured ile onto the pot, and it don't bile. The sediment stays quietly in 
soak in the bottom, and I am sediment, and wo is me. 

I am at the bottom, while fat is at the top. 

Death can't coma to my releef any too quick. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBT. 

ME. JSASBTS MATEIMONIAL VENTURE. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
^ich is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Nov. 18, 1877. 
The polisy uv the yooserper hez bin my rooln. Probably ther ain't a 
more mizable man in the entire ytate, and that is sayin a great deel, for 
I don't know uv any State that hez more mizable men, or one in wich the 
cnizable men are quite ez mizable. 

That mizable wretch Joe Bigler come to me day before yisterdy, and 
sejested that ez the President— sich is his term for the yooserper— had put 
•jut an olive branch uv amity and concord between the two races, it vvood 
t>e a graceful thing ef a Kentuckian — a white Kentuckiari— should accept it 
and demonstrate his sincerity by marryin one of the inferior race, wich is 
zow our ekals afore the law. 

"Sir!" sed I, assoomin a stern and injoored look, "do j'-oo dare to sejest 
5ich a thing to me? To me, a Kentuckian, that is, a Kentuckian by brevet? 
3are you make me a proposishen at wich every drop uv Anglo-Saxon blood 
in my vanes boils with horror? Avant!" 

He didn't avant, however, but went on to say that in the outskirts uv 
:he village there wuz a culerd woman wich hed a cabin, and a very com- 
'ortable one, and, he bleeved, some money. At all evence, she was a excel- 
ent washer and ironer, and cood support a husband in fairly good stile, by 
ler labor. 

"And yoo know, Nasby, it's more than three yeers before yoo kin Inog- 
?erate a Dimecratic President, ef yoo elect him; and ef yoo do, you hev 
o take the chances uv gittin yoor place agin a score of hungry Dimecrats. 
vho want It ez badly ez yoo do Think uv three yeers uv comparative com- 
orti" 



41 

2S0^ The Naisbt LinrrsBs. j| 

Bascom struck In to-wunst, for he saw his chance uv makin me a casl 
customer, knowin that he'd grit nine-tenths uv wat the woman wood tarn 
and Deekin Pogram who hez bin wantin suthin on wat I hev bin borrerii 
uv him all these weary years, urged it strongly. 

"In the g'ood old times," he sighed, "we hed no scruples about niggers 
except In the matter uv goin thro the formality uv marryin uv em." 

And when I thought uv a comfortable home with a muscular femaL 
furnishin the supplies, a great deel uv the disgust that I felt at marryin j 
nigger evaporated, and I determined to do it. Fatal conclusion: — 

I proposed the next mornin at 9; she accepted, and before ten we wuz e 
firmly married ez a Justis uv the Peece cood do it. I wuz wunst mor 
the hed uv a family. 

The Justis and the witnesses left the house, and we wuz alone with ou 
luv. 

Mellndy sot there with her hands folded, and a broad grin dlstendl: 
her capashus mouth, and I sot there regardin her with feelins uv gratitoo! 
for a yooserper whose polisy hed led to a result so pleasant for me to con 
template. That woman could earn a dollar a day — cood feed her and mji 
self on ten cents — I eat very little and bacon is cheap here, ef it is poor- 
and the other ninety! I saw before me unlimitid drinks — saw before me 
long life in Bascohi's bar with occasional trips to Looisville. And that hi' 
man masheen a scrubbin away furnishin the meens! It wuz a gorgcou 
dreem— wood that I hed never bin awakened from it. That wuz a goo 
time to die, while I felt well, and I wish I hed. 

"Melindy, darlin," I spoke gently, "in the new relashuns we hev a! 
soomed we must not forgit that life hez its dooties. Very pleasant is love 
young dream, and well would It be for us ef we cood linger in it, and pas 
our entire lives under its bewitchin spell. But, Melindy, we can't. Love 
representid ez with a pertikerlerly plump stumick, wich shows that it he 
bin filled. We can't exist on love— we need bacon, and sich. Therefor 
Melindy, awake from your dream, and git to that wash-tub. Them cloth( 
must be out and on the line by noon. And Melindy, give me, yoor let 
lord and master, wat loose change you hev In yoor possession, for I be 
biznis up town." 

Wat did this woman do? 

She remarked: — 

"Duz ye s'pose I'ze a gwine to s'port yoO, by washin?" 

"Certainly I do, my deer— wat other perfeshn hev ye?" 

"Te duz, duz ye?" 

"Uv course, and yoo don't want to lose no time. Wat does Solomc 
say uv the model woman? "She gitlith up while it Is yit nite, and si 
weaveth fine goods, wich she selleth to the merchants and her husband si 
teth In the gates with the elders," or words to that effect. We can't 
exactly scriptooral, for yoo don't weeve, but yoo wash wich is the san 
thing, and yoor husband is a goin to do ez the Israelite husband did, he 
a goin to sit in the gates at Bascom's. To your tub, Melindy." 

That wretched woman rose deliberately and regarded me Intently for 
moment. Then she walked to where that tub wuz standin, and tipped 
over, on the floor. 

' Woman, wat does this meen?" I exclaimed. 

"Meen? It meens dat I didn't marry to 'sport a husband— I married • 
ae wj'Orted. "t neens dat yoo hev got to git de *splies— I'll cook em, ai 



The Nasbt Letters. 231 

lelp yoo eat em, but no mo' washln for dis chile. Yoo git out to yoor work." 

And she picked up that tub, and her washboard, and wat soap ther 
7UZ left and went to Pollock's and tradid em off for some artifishel flowers 
or her bridle bonnit, ez she sed; and come and sot down in that bonnit, 
,nd refoosed to do a thing till I went out and got suthin for her to cook. 

It wuz a bitter nite I past. Melindy hed some pervishens -hidden away, 
rich I cood not git at, and by nite I wuz feerfully week, while she wuz ez 
trong ez ever. I attempted coershion, wich endid in my bein dragged over 
he floor for an hour or two, and finely being kicked out uv the door in a 
old rain. In vane I begged for admishun. That onfeelin woman went 
[uietly to her couch, and I stayed out all nite In the wet, listenin to her 
omfortable snores. 

But my cup wuzn't full. Joe Blgler and Pollock went afore a justis uv 
he peece and complained uv me for not supportin my family, and I wuz 
fiven the choice uv goln to work, or goin to jale, end Malindy she appeered 
dth a charge uv assalt and battery, and gineral inhuman treatment, and 
he justis —they took me afore the nigger justis at Liberty ville — fined me $10 
md committid me till it wuz paid. I write these lines in a lock-up; thank 
leaven, while I stay they hev got to feed me. 

Mora than ever do I hate the yooserper. More than ever do I curse the 
ell sperit uv ablishism, wich hez brot this rooln upon me. In the good old 
lays I eood hev compelled that woman to hev supported me without goin 
hro the forms uv marridge, and without takin any <^bligashen upon my- 
elf. And Bigler and Pollock, who put up the job on me, are laflin and 
eerin, and I ain't shoor but that Bascom and the Deekin wuz In it. also. 
;Vhile I am langishin in a jale I ain't runnin up my account at Bascom's 
•ar, and to all my frantic appeels for releef, even for a pint, he crooelly 
turns a deef ear. I'll make it warm for em ef I ever git out uv this. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Deceived, but not Crushed. 

THE PEESIDENT'S SOUTHEEN POLICY. 

Confedr^t X Roads, 
(Wich Is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Dec. 10, 1877. 

I suppose the sun will contlnyoo to shine, and the rains fall, ez before, 
presume autumn will f oiler summer, winter autumn, and spring winter, 
sst the same ez tho Tilden hed bin electid, and the yooserper Hayes wuz 
ill a lawyer In Fremont, wich is in the once ablishn, but now redeemed, 
tate*uv Ohio. I hev observed that nacher don't take much notis uv 
/ence -vi^ich Is uv vital importance to nacher's cheef and noblest produx — 
len. It is uv importance to me whether I hev the PostofHs at the Corners 
If not, and when the tyrant Grant removed me, the face uv everytiung 
uz dark. I wuz disappintid when the sun rlz the next day with more than 
oosual britenis, and the birds sung and the grasshoppers chirped merrily, 
ur it didn't seem to me that it wuz in akkordance with th€ eternal fitnis 
V things. 

I wuz more disgustid, ylsterday, than I wuz then. I wuz stawkin down 
»^ street towards Bascom's, in the faint hope uv meetin a Noo York 
rummer there, and passin myself orf onto him ez a store-keeper in an ad- 
•Inin village, to the extent uv a refresher or two, wich is my sole depen- 
ince now, when I met Issaker Gavitt and Deekin Pogram. I stopped them 
I the hope that one uv them mite hev a bottle conceeled about his person, 



l:'o2 The Nasby Letters. 



\ 



and that they wood be too thirsty to put off takln fcuthin, when th«l 
Deekin chirped up. 

"Parson," sed he cheerfully, "I feel good. Everything hez worked to 
our entire satisfackshen. President Hayes—" 

"President Hayes?" I queried. "You meen the yooserper Hayes." 

"Hev it yoor own way. The yoo?erper, ef that term pleases yoo, hez 
withdrawd the troops, and releevd us here in Kentucky from the grrindin 
oppreshn uv a company uv bloo-kotid monsters in Noo Orleens, wich per- 
mits us to go on with out enterpris; s here in a free and unfettered man- 
ner. Thea the Depitty Marshel wich hez been appintid here is a Dime- 
crat — ez good a Dimocrat ez yoo or I, and there seems to be a era uv good 
feelin inoggeratid, wich — " 

"Idiot!" I sed sternly, "pause. Too are praisin the yooserper. Every 
Dimocrat In the Toonitid States hez coz to curse him with forty hoss power. 
He hez taken away every greevance wich we ever hed. Hed Tildin and 
Reform bin electid, he wood hev removed the troops. The Radikels wood 
hev opposed it, and then wood hev come a fite. We cood hev hed suthin to' 
fite over. Ther wood hev bin a cawsus belli, and every Dimocratic orator 
and writer In the country v/ood hev hed suthin to defend. "We wood hev 
suthin to go on. Ther wood liev bin burnins, and hangins, and riots and 
sich, the same ez before. We cood continyoo to inflame the Southern hart, 
by appeelin to 'em to stand up agin ther wood-be oppressors, and the Dim- 
ocrisy uv the North cood hev thrown theirselves into the breech ez th-? 
defenders uv constooshnal liberty, rnd agin militarj' oppreshn, and — " 

"But Ha^-es hez stopped all thif " chirped the poor Dekin. 

"Certinly he hez and he hez rooi ed the Dimocrisy. Deekin, wat is a 
Dimocrat without a greet^ance? Y o speek uv his appintin a Dimocrat ez 
depity marshel ez a consilitory meas re. Deekin. 3^00 are an ijeot uv the 
first water. Ez long ez a radikel .wi z huntin our friends in the hills wich 
wuz doin illicit distillin, they felt th y wuz opprest by a radikel adminis- 
trashen, and they wuz willin to do any variety uv Dimocrisy, from shootiii 
a nigger or a fedrel offiser, down to votin twice at a eleckshun. You 
cood alluz count on em. But now. Bill Simpson, a Confedrit soljer and a 
Dimocrat uv undoubtid pedigree, is appintid marshel, and wat happens? 
He will raid the stills jist the same ez his Republikin predecessor did, and 
we, the Dimocrisy, will hev to bear the ojum uv it. Wat kin we say to 
the stiller, wich comes to our convenshun, bilin over with indignashen at 
hevln his mash seezed, when he hez to sit ez a delegate beside the Dimo- 
crat wich seezed it? It is crooel. That greevance, wich wuz a helthy wun, 
Ig gone. 

"Deekin, the yooserper Is a go rill er, and I want none uv him. Instid of 
approvin him yoo want to cuss him. He hez disembowled us, and we are 
bereft. Kin we scratch ef we hevn't got no itch? Scratchin is a neces- 
sity to us, and shel we applaud the man wich removes the coz for scratch- 
in? He hez taken the bred out uv my mouth. Deekin, go to." 

"But, parson, wat intrest hez Issaker and I, wich don't want no ofHs, 
nor coodjnt git one ef we did, i i these — " 

"Deekin," wuz my quick reply, seein wat he wuz drlvin at, "It may be 
of no interest to you, but it Is to me. The Dimocratic party wuz made for 
sich ez me." 

There is goln to be trouble In the Corners. The apathy that pervades 
the public mind is suthin feerful. In ;tid uv talkin uv oppreshun and other 
deiiteful polliJKie tnemes, yoo neur trie stoopia asses aiscussin tne wa^« 



TaE Nasby Letters 233 

And means to git In a big com crop rext spring, and I hev caught v=iome uv 
em, actilly feediii their cattle this winter. It is nis-tiessin. 

PETKUI.EUM V. NASBY. Reformer. 
P. S.— The Corners is yoonanimus for silver, wich I appiove uv. I hev 
scriptooral authority for urgin silver. It wuz that metal that Joodis Iskar- 
lot wuz paid in. For the purpus uv takin the sence uv the citizens on this 
Question I approached Bascom mildly on the subject. 

"Bascom," sed I, "are yoo willin to take silver for drinks?" 
"Parson," sed he ez a sad look clouded his face for an instant, ez he 
•glanced at my account, "Parson, I'll lake anything from yoo, for drinks, ex- 
cept promises, — anything." p, v. N. 

CONKLING AND CIVIL SEE VICE EEFOEM. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
CWich Is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Dec. 17, 1877. 

When the yooserper Hayes attemtid wat he calls civil service reform, 
he struck a blow at the Dimocratic party wich, ef he succeeds, will wreck 
It. 

Ef he and his Cabinit Is going to take the appintin power- out uv the 
hands uv the Senp.tors and Representatives, and ef the absurd noshun that 
any sich humbug ez fitnis is to be the rool in fillin the oflises, why chaos 
comes agin. 

Wat interest wood I hev In politics ef it wuzn't for the postoffis at the 
Corners, wich to me is like faith, the evidence uv things not seen, and the 
substance uv things hoped for? 

Ef a Senator can't fill the Custom-houses uv his State and the Post- 
ofHses ez well, with them ez packt the caucuses for him, and run the Con- 
venshuns for him, wat earthly show hez he for gittin re-electid and 
keepin his grip onto his seat? 

Take from the Senators and Representatives the patronage wich they 
dispense, and half uv em wood be displaced at the next eleckshun, and sich 
men ez me wood hev to resign all hope uv livin on the fat uv ofRs-holdin 
and become tramps, our only alternative bein the disgustin one uv v/ork, 
wich I never, never will do, whilo reason holds its throne, or there is a man 
left that I kin borrow a dollar and a half uv. 

Take away the patronage and there is no incentive to patriotism for 
sich men ez me, and wat wood our poor country do then? 

Takin away the patronage makes orfuns uv sich men ez I am. The 
Treasury uv our glorious country is our father and mother, and rich maid- 
en aunt. Prom it we draw sustenance now, and hev hopes uv better pickin 
in the fucher. 

The glorious fight that Senator Conkling is makin in behalf uv the 
Nasbys uv the Yoonitid States endeers him to every man uv em. I yocst 
to think him the vilest of the vile. I hev denounst his partisanship, ridi- 
cooled his vanity, and otherwise aboosed him, but I take it all back. I luv 
Senator Conkling, and from this time out my hat, ef I hev one, will alluz 
be ready to be throwd up for him. 

Senator Conkling is a standin rebook to the.n ez Jedge hastily uv men. 
I hatid him becoz he alius appeared afore the public ez a honest man. I 
wuz mistaken, but I am not to blame for bein deceeved. He wore perpet- 
yooally sich an expresshun uv sooperior morality, he talked with sich unk- 
tl>«a about purity and sich, that I never sposed that so small a thing ez 



^34 1?HE NasBY iiETfEM, 

patronag-e ever entered his mind. I sposed that he never mixed in thfe 
small matters that sich men ez me are interested in, and that the menshun 
uv a postoffis, or a humble place in a custom-house, wood make him sick; 
and ez for yoosin sich places and the people wich fill em for his own pur- 
poses — wood hev ez . soon thought uv Sumner's doin it. 

In short, I supposed that Conkling wuz a small pattern uv Sumner— a 
dilootid imitashen uv that Massachoosits fanatic. I figgered that he hed 
all uv Sumner's pride, ef he didn't hev Sumner's ability. He bore the same 
relashun to Sumner that watered milk does to the genyooine dairy product.. 
It's very thin, but it's milk after all. \ 

Thank heaven I wuz deoeeved — Sumner didn't leeve so much ez an 
imitashen behind him. The favorite son uv Noo York is now my man, even 
ez Patterson is. He* hankers after custom-houses, for custom-houses made 
him, and he won't relinquish his hold on em. 

The fight he made for his plunder fills my sole with admirashen. I 
cherished hard feelins agin him when he permittid the yooserper to turn 
out five hundred men from the Noo York Custom-house last spring, for it 
looked as tho wuz on too high a plane to look after sich things. But the 
fite he is makin, now justifies him in my eyes. I see it all. He wuz willin 
to let half uv em go, for appearance's sake, provided he wuz allowed to 
keep control uv wat wuz left. He cood pack cawcusses with the half ez 
well ez with the whole, for them ez wuz left wood make up in zeel wat they 
lacked in numbers. And besides it wuz nessary to throw a sop to the on- 
reasonable people wich is clamorin for reform. 

But when the yooserper put his profane hand on to the collector and 
naval ofl^er, and perposed .to put men in their places wich wuzn't devotid 
to the Senator, his blood riz and lie showed fite. And a very vigorous fite 
ho made. He forgot the silver bill, he forgot resunipshen, he forgot ev^^i 
thing. Conkling wuz assailed, his per&nel property wuz bein wrestid from 
him, and he fought ez a lionis for her whelps. It wuz a gorgeous spec- 
tacle, and the result thrilled with joy every man like me in the country. 

The intelligence diffoosed a feella uv satisfackshen over the entire 
Corners. Ef the rool wich the yooserper is tryin to establish, obtaines, wat 
will we do in 1880, wen we elect Tilden and reform? He woodent d^.re to 
vary it, and then wat wood become uv me and sich ez me? How cood 
Tilden and reform decide who shood hev the places from mere considcra- 
shun uv fitnis? It's an Innovashen wich the Corners wood never stand, 
never. 

The posishen he hez took pleases me, for it's on my level. There are 
peeple wich 'spose that a man is put in oflis on account uv the people, 
but they'r mistaken. The troo Nasb/an idee uv holdin offis is that the 
only biznis uv a ofiis-holder, wunst in, is to give his whole mind to stayin 
in. That is his first 'biznis, and wat he must pay his prinsiple at- 
tenshun to. When the people hev elevatid a man it wood be dis- 
respect to them not do everything in his power to stay ele- 
vatid. To let hisself ever go out wood be to cast a slur on their judg- 
ment. A Senator may at the last en l uv a session vote in a hurry on a 
tariff or a silver bill, or resumpshun, or any uv them m.inor matters, but 
they are uv no moment beside the question ez to whether he will be re- 
turned hisself. Hence we kin unders xnd why Senator Conklin takes up 
the beginnin uv the session contesti i the removal of his Collectors and 
sich. Ef they go out, and others ge the places, wat kin he do when it 
comes to nominatin the Legislacher that elects the next Senator? Ef he 



Tee Kasbt LxTTKas. 235 

lasn't the Custom House and the Posto/Tises some other man may git 
:o be Senator, and wat wood the country do then? 

There's a prinsiple involved in this, a prinsiple wich I and Senator 
Jonkling will go to our deaths for. 

I extend the hospitality uv the Corners to Senator Conkling. I never 
jxpectid to see him with us, but he Is all the more welkom for that. Re- 
a*oots from unexpectid sources are alluz the rriost welkom. He hez cume 
)\er to the Dimocratic idee in this, and there is hopes that he may pro- 
gress further. At all evence, in stoppin the march uv the heresy that th« 
^^ooserper is tryin to force on the country, he is doin a work wich I will 
?ever forgit. I extend my fraternel hand to Senator Conkling and bid him 

3od-s];>ee<L 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Reformer. 

BILVEK AT THE COENERS. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
'C^v'ich is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Dec. 22, 1877. 
Ez a matter of course, the Corners is impecunious. There never wuz a 
lime in the history uv this place that it wuzn't in that state uv finanshel 
helth. The disinclinashen uv the people to labor— the porousnid uv the 
clay wich requires so much likwid fiUin, and the loss uv time resultin, 
makes it extremely difficult for anything like accumulashen to happen, 
i«)nsekently borrerin is the principal industrial pursoot, wich would be well 
r.nufE ef there wuzn't any payin. Payin is wat blites a man, and cripples 
txis energies. Pa^n is slowly, but shoorly underminin the Corners, and 
sappin its prosperity. I hate payin. It robs a dollar uv all its delite to 
know you hev got to pay it agin, after you hev spent it. Wat I shood like 
wood be to hev dollars wich reprodoose their selves. Ef two dollars cood 
mly marry and hev large families! That wood be suthin like. 

The Silver bill wich Bland is pushin pleases us here for several rea- 
sons. The Corners is largely composed uv the debtor class. We are all in 
ilebt. That graspin Shylock, Bascom, hez furnisht us the necessaries uv 
>ife these twenty years, and hez kept on "chargin it up," when we didn't 
yay, with the remorselis accooracy uv a feend. He never cood get no 
mortgage out uv me to secoor hisself for the reason that I don't happen 
I to hev anything to mortgage, but ha does hold mortgages on Deelcin Po- 
I gram's place, and also on every other place in the visinity, for money lent 
[and supplies furnisht. Wat happens? Why Bascom wants his pay. He 
sneerinly sez that ef we don't expect to pay wat do we drink fur? "Kin 
il buy likker in Louisville, and sell It to yoo without pay?" sez he. 
' Ah! ef he only knows how pleasant it is to drink and hosv onpleasant it 
;ls to pay he would change his mind about it. But there are very few large- 
heartid men in the world. 

Bascom wants his money and Bascom Is consekently a Shylock. He is 
a oppressor, and a grinder uv the faces uv the people. We wood rise up 
in our wrath and mob him. but alas! there ain't one uv us wich hez credit 
enufC for a barl uv likker in Looisville, and so we hev to endoor him. 

Therefore when heerd uv this silver biznis we wuz rejoist. Ef silver is 
made a legle tender, and is only wuth 92 cents on the dollar now, we hev 
Bt least, rescood ourselves from the grasp uv this mersenary cuss wich 
wants his money, 8 per cent's wuth anyhow. And we are satisfied it will 
fo lower than that. When Sharon and Jones and the silver miners of ut 



2^^ The ^'asby LEXTtaa. 



Nevady hev got things fixed so that they kin pay wat they owe In thei" 
own silver, they will hist It out to an extent wich will make it ez cheep 62 
ccod be wished. Then we will hev this yoosurer, wich holds destnickshen 
over us. Our land, — I am speekin uv the other citizens now wich hev 
land— will gro up ten times in valyoo. Land wich is now wuth $40 an acre 
will spin up to $400,— in silver— and yTq will sell enuff to git wat we owe 
Bascom, and we will load a cart with it and take it to that unmerciful 
creditor and compel him to take it, and releese us from his dominashen. 

I see in my mind's eye that deer, deliteful old saint, Dekin Pogram, 
makin a deed for two acres uv the hundred and fifty he hez. That miser- 
able, grindin Bascom lent him $1,000 four years ago, wich hez bin runnin on 
Interest ever sence, and he hez a bar bill uv perhaps $300 more, makin all 
perhaps 1,500 wich this Shy lock holds agin him. There will be a speckila 
tor from Looisville, down to the Corners a buyin land. 

"Deekin, wat will yoo ask me an aker for two akers ofiC the east side 
uv yoor place?" sez the spekilator. 

"Mirandy," sez the deekin, "wat do I owe that crooel, hard-hearted shy- 
lock uv a Bascom?" 

"One thousan five hundred dollars," will be Mirandy's anser. 
"Sir," sez the Dekin, "you kin hev two aeres for jist $1,500. I must git 
out uv the clutches uv that monster wich demands remorselisly the 
money he lent me. Oh, the hard-hear tidnis uv this world! Thank heaven, 
I hev but a few more years uv it. Mirandy, send the jug to Bascom's, and 
tell him I'll try to pay him suthin on account next week." 

And then the land will be sold, (the two akers,) leavin the Deekin 138. 
wich is enuff, and the Deekin will load the silver in his cart, and will take 
It over to Bascom'e and dump it triumphantly down on the floor, and de- 
mand his releese. Then will he be free uv this shark— he will satisfy his 
cormorant— he will walk the streets erect, a free man. Then will every- 
body do likewise, but me, and I persoora I will, for silver will be so cheap 
that I kin probably borrer enuff to pay the graspin man wat I owe him. 

We held a meetin last nite and resolved that it wuz the sentiment uv 
the Corners that silver shood be remonetized, and that resumpshen shood 
be put off. The Corners will allez resolve to put off payin anythin. It wuz 
a enthuoosiasMc meetin, made up entirely uv the debtor class. I made a 
stirrin speech wich would hev hed an immense effect but for one triflin 
draw-back. I wuz dilatin on the "Dollar uv the Fathers," and sed with a 
burst uv elokence. "Look at this piece uv money! It wuz this kind uv 
money wich carried the country thro—" 

It wuz an unfortunit way uv gittin at things. For I didn't hev a piece 
uv silver in my pockit, and I appeeled to the aujence to hunt one up that 
I mite give pint to the flite, but alas! ther wu^n't a peece uv silver in tne 
house, not even a dime! But I turned this to akkount even. I pride my- 
self on bein able to pluck the flower Safety from the nettle Danger. Mostj 
men wood hev bin disconcerted at this, but not me. "My f rends." I sed, ; 
"when we hev this silver bill past, I won't be caught in this awkward fix. 
Every man in the Corners will hev a cart-load uv it." 

And they give three cheers for the silver bill, and adjourned. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY. Finanseer. 
I*- S.— That graspin Bascom hez throwd a fire-brand into the Corners. 
Ez silver Is at a discount uv eight per cent., he hez waterd his whisky jist 
that amount. He sez ef we want to pay him in debased currency we her : 
goi to take debased likker. That man will hev to be killed, yit 

P. V. N. 



The l^ASBT LKTTBaaw 237 

MK. NASBY'S NEW CUREEXCY IDEA. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Jan. 14, J878. 

I am not satisfied with silver, now that I hev given the subject uv 
lurrency that attenshun wicli so important a matter demands. I under- 
Itand that silver kin be prodoost in unlimited quantities in the territories, 
ind that ther ain't reely any limit to the amount that kin be put upon 
he markit. Also I understand, and kin appreshiate the fact, that the 
nan wich is in debt and in distress, and wich is hungrin and thirstin to git 
>ut, wich hez suthin, kin make that suthin avaleable by bein able to yoose 
ilver in the payin uv his debts. 

But that^don't help us uv the Corners. Silver is a parshel releef, but it 
ion't strike that vast army uv men wich ain't got nuthin. Wat good is it 
o say to me, "Yoo shel be releesed from yoor debts on the payment uv 25 
«nts on the dolla.r," when I havn't got the twenty-five cents, and can't 
ee my way cleer to git em? It is askin for bred and givin me a stun. It 
9 holdin out false indoosements wich amount to nuthin. 

Wat the Corners want and wat the Corners must hev, is a medium w>ch 
s more easily procoored than silver. The remonetizashun uv silver wood 
lelp out the bonanza men, and them ez hev suthin on wich they kin git 
ilver at the discount it will go to, but that don"t do us here in the Corners. 
i'or while I wuz advocatin the Silver Bill the other day, and urgin that 
t wood enable us to pay off debts at a discount, Joe Bigler kum up, and 
ed he:— 

"But Parson, 'spose yoo cood pay off at 75 cents on the dollar with sil- 
er. Wher are yoo goin to git the 75 cents?" 

That remark uv his opened to me a wide field uv conjecter. Silver 
ron't do for us for it hez some intrinsic valyoo. The dettor class wants to 
^ releeved in hole — not in part. Wa want a currency wich is avaleable 
'o the meanest ez well ez the noblest, 

I sejest leather! 

Wat I want is a currency made uv leather. Leather is perdoosed in all 
he States uv the Yooniun, and is acces^sible to the most humble citizen uv 
he Republic. Wherever there is a cow and a tannery, leather kin be per- 
'oosed, and why we skoodent yoose that ez a medium uv exchange, beets 
le. 

; What Is a dollar? A dollar is a Idee. Watever the Goveenment puts its 
tamp onto is a dollar. The bonanza men in Colorado want the Gove 
lent to put its stamp onto silver, and make dollars uv silver, becoz they 
appen to own the mines wich perdocse silver. They will then deliberate- 
r quit floodin ther mines and they will pile out the silver by the ton, and 
ay off their debts wuth it, and see their titles cleer to the property they 
ow owe for, and will retire in afllueKce, and conscious they hev done a 
mart finanshel thing. But wat good will that do us uv the Corners wicli 
an't git ther silver? Wat's the yoose uv sayin to a starvin person that he 
in ^t bred at 5 cents a loaf if he hezn't got the 5 cents? We hain't got 
5 cents on the dollar uv wat we owe, and the passage uv the silver bill is 
nly goin to help the parshelly pecoonius. 

Wat we want is full and entire releef. We want a currency wich we 
urselves kin furnish, and that I am going to move for, I want sil\ er 
oined and ma.de legle tender for the benefit uv the West, and I want 
»ather coined and made legal tender for the benefit uV the Middle States 



238 The Nassy Lbttbm 

•Jid the East. In this holy croosade agin the creditor class I insist that ail 
seckshuns shall start fair, and that no one seckshun shell hev an advan- 
tage over the other. 

I want leather coined into dollars. I want every man wich hez a side 
uv first c-ate sole-leather to hev the privilege uv depositin it in a mint uv 
the Yoonited States, and hevin it stamped into pieces wich shel represent 
dollars, and that them dollars shel be legal tender for any debt, public or 
private, that he may owe. 

Understand me, I am no inflashunist, nor do I desire to injer the public 
credit, I desire that everything shel go along smoothly and properly 
And to that end I shel insist that— 

1st — The leather shel be sole, uv first quality, hemlock-tanned, and en- 
tirely merchantable. 

2d — That it shel not be in the power uv everj'body to coin leather. 't( 
^on't hev every man wich kin git a punch and a stamp m.akin his ovvii 
money, for then ther wood be an over-ishoo. To prevent that I shel requiir 
that the coinin uv leather shel be done at reglerly institooted Government 
mints, and by nobody else. So much to pertest the currency. 

3d— To pertect the people and to be shoor that enuff currency shall b. 
fumisht to supply the wants uv trade, I insist that every man wich kills .^ 
bull shel be privileged to hev the hide tanned, and shel be allowed to tak 9 
that hide, when tanned, to a mint and hev it stamped into money, eac'/»» 
piece to weigh so much, and that when the government stamp is onto iv, 
It shel be legle tender for a dollar. 

The simple process will equalize the East with the West. Silver -kin hs 
hfted out in Colorado and them secshuns ez easily ez cattle kin be killevl 
in the East, and ez they want ther mejum with wich to pay their debts, u r 
course we want our to pay ours. We hev cattle and they hev silver, f^ 
am willin they shall make legle tender uv their silver— I want to mak^ 
legle tender uv a small part uv our cattle. Ef it is urged that it will pre- 
vent our hevin sich shoes ez we ought to hev, my anser is ready. Th»«. 
Corners hevn't worn shoes to any extent for a great many yeers. Th** 
Comers hez other yoose for its money. 

The advantages uv this medium are obvious. While we want morrj 
money we want money that anybody kin git hold uv. When we ask for a 
finanshel fish wat is the use uv offeriu us a stun uv silver? Ef we aint got 
the silver we are ez bad off ez before. We want to pay our debts and gii 
out. Leather is attainable by the most humble. He is a poor man indeej 
who hezn't got a bull to kill, and when kin sell the carcass and coin the 
hide he kin pay. Then he is solvent. Then he kin start ne^ and go into 
debt agin conshus that the meens uv payment are alluz within his reech. 
The government stamp unto it pertects it and makes it good, and what 
more does any one want? 

Do I heer a carper say that other countries won't take leather cur- 
rency? Wat do we, wich arej in debt, care about other countries? My 
deelins hev never bin in furrin countries. I deel prinsipally with Bascom. 
and ef I kin hev a currency wich will pay him, I don't keer for much else. 
Wat want is suthin that will stimoolate trade here and let me out. That 
done everything is done so fur e» I am concerned, and wat do I keer for 
anything else? Nothin. 

It seems to me that this settles the currency question entirely, and thav 
ther Is nothin more to be said. Give uv us not only a double but a tripLi 
currency. Let us hev gold, silver and leather. Only make em all legit? 



The Nasby Letters. 239 

tender, and help u« out here In the East, the same ez yoo do them In the 
West. Give leather a show for us, the same ez yoo do silver for them In 
the West. And espeshelly ez silver in the West liin be perdoost jist ez 
cheeply ez leather kin be in the East. Wat I want is fair play. In the gin 
eral scoop I want my show. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Financeer. 

BASCOM PEEPARES FOE THE SILYEE EUSH. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 

Jan. 22, 1878. 

I ain't so certin that I want the silver bill to pass ez I wuz. The fact is 
the thing don't work ez I sposed it wood, and ain't cleer onto it. The fact 
is there is suttle principles in these finanshel questions which reqwires a 
great deel uv thought, and ther is underlyin principles wich a man hez got 
to understand afore he is competent to set hisself up ez authority. 

One thing I am certin uv, Bascom ain't no finanseer, nor never will be, 
and I told him so. 

"Wat is a finanseer?" asked he. 

"A finanseer," sed I, assoomin the look of Dan'l Webster, "is a man 
v^ich kin pay his debts with nothin— a man wich kin git suthin with 
-- a_hin." 

"The Corners, then, is full uv finanseers," he remarkt, bitterly, castin a 
casual glance at his slate, w ich wuz jist full enuff to turn over and begin 
on the tother side. 

But he hezen't any uv the science uv it. I wuz argooing with him the 
other day in favor uv my noshun uv a leather currency, though I told him 
silver wuz much the same thing, tho for example I wood assoom that sil- 
ver wuz to be the currency uv the fucher. 

"Now, don't yoo see, Bascom, that ef I hed twict ez much money I coed 
drink twict ez much whisky, and pay for it?" 

"How much is twice nothin?" wuz the onfeelin anser uv the tyrant 
who holds the destinies uv the Corners in his hands. "That's wat yoor 
capitle hez bin ever sence I hev knowd yoo." 

"Parson," sed he, "I don't see what earthly difference it's goin to maice 
whether silver is currency or anything else. How are yoo a goin to git 
silver ef it is made legle-tender? Ef silver wuz ez plenty ez bricks, wat 
hev yoo got to git any uv it with?" 

"Troo, G. W.," wuz my anser; "but can't yoo see that to hev silver 
wood releeve the dettor class? Even now, afore it is legle-tender, it's 
only wuth 92 cents on the dollar, and when the country is floodid with it, 
it will go still lower. Then we— or rather sich uv us ez hev property to 
raise money on — kin pay off — " 

"Eggsackly so," retorts Bascom; "yoo kin pay me for the good honlst 
likker uv mine, wich yoo hev consoomed, in coin wich is less than the dol- 
lar yoo promised. All rite. But look here — come In here, all uv yoo. I 
want yoo silver men to know exactly wat yoo are rushin into." 

And this feend led us into the back room— that back-room wich con- 
tanes the subsistence uv the corners. There in 'long rows wuz Bascom's 
stock. There in barrils, piled one on . top uv another, wuz the delishus 
whisky uv Looisville, uv difierent ages, rangin from that uv two weeks 
old to that wich hed jist left the si ill, and was scarcely cold yit. There 
it 'ay, and ez my eye rangi^d affeckshunately over it, I felt ef I cood hev 



240 The Nasby Letter*. 

the drlnkin uv all that llkker I wood be content to lay down and dlt 
when the last drop wuz gone. 

Bascom pinted to an immense tank wich he bed erectld, within a few 
days, with a pipe running In from the roof. 

"I shant raise the price uv likker, in consekence uv bdin paid for it In a 
depreshiated currency!" 

I fell on Bascom' s neck, in an extacy uv delite, while the others shoutid 
" 'Rah for Bascom!" 

"G. W.," I remarkt ■ while teers suffoosed my eyes, "I never placed yoo 
much below the ang-els, but this generus act has histid yoo a hundred per 
cent, in my estimashun. Bless yoo, G. W., bless yoo." 

"But I'll tell yoo wat I shel do. Do yoo see that tank?" sed he, 

"May I ask wat that is for?" I sed. 

"That tank will fill with rane-water," sed he. "The moment yoo grit 
to payin me in silver, I shel take out uv eech uv them barrils jist egg- 
sackly three and one-fifth gallons uv likker, and fill it with water." 

"Merciful heving!" We all exclaimed, and yoor likker so week now!" 

"And when silver gits down to seventy-five per cent, I will take out 
one-fourth uv the whiskey and fill her up with twenty-five per cent, uv 
\^'ater. And so on down. Ef silver goes up I shel add whiskey eggsacklr 
in proporshen. In short my whiskey is jist agoin to foller currency, an<?. 
nothin shorter. Yoo fellers wich work for wagis may swet, but I won't." 

"But yoo'l increase the size uv yoor glasses?" sed I. 

"Not any. But yoo may drink twice ez many times to git the sam«i 
amount uv drunk ez before, by payin for eech drink." 

And Bascom stalked hawtily back, and took his posishen behind hin 
bar. 

Ther wuz consternashun in the Corners sich ez I hev never seen. TheiT 
wuz a hurried consultashen at the Deekin's house and I sejested that w<» 
emancipate ourselves from the dominyun uv this tyrant by startin a gro- 
sery uv our own, on the Joint stock principle, wich wuz agreed to, eecl> 
man agreein to contribbit ten dollars to the capitle stock wich wood b^ 
enuff to buy a barl or two, for a begrinnin. 

We wuz enthoosiastic till we coma to ballotin for the man to keep thi- 
place, when it wuz found instid uv my bein chosen yoonanimusly, ez I egg- 
spected to be, that every man hed voiid for hisself. Ez not a soul uv em 
would recede, the skeem wuz blocked rite there, and finelly hed to be 
abandoned, and we went back to Bascom's and submitted. That tyrant 
hez us. 

Uv course we can't stand likker dilootid in that manner. We are willin 
enuff to diloot the currency with wich we pay for likker, but we want our 
likker full strength. We coodent help it, but that nite we sigaed and sent 
to our Representative a remonstrance agin the Silver Bill. The Corners is 
now for a honest currency. Wood, O wood, that we hed some uv it! 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Finanseer. 

MR. NASBY ON THE MONEY QUESTION. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 
Feb. 23, 1S78. 
The silver bill don't amount to a soo markee for the Corners. In th« 
first place Bascom hez ali-eddy put up the price uv likker to correspond 



Thk ^'asby Letters. 241 

with the depreshlashun uv silver, so there ain't nothln made In thai direck- 
Bhxin, 

When it comes to payin debts with greater eeze it doesent help us a 
particle, for we never intend to pay em at all. We hev a shorter method 
uv deelin with bloated bondholders. 

But ez we want to pay, we must be furnisht with suthin to pay in. Sil- 
ver ain't agoin to do it, for how kin wa git the silver? Ef our notes wood 
git silver, and other people wood take tl at silver at any discount, then it 
wood ajiser, for ef ther is any one thing that a Cross-Roader delites in, it is 
givin his note. We wood even go so fur ez to sekoor em by endorsement. I 
wood endorse Deekin Pogram's paper and he wood endorse mine, and we 
wood all endorse for each other, ef it wood soothe the minds uv the lend- 
ers and make em any more contented. Repudiashun is jist ez easy 
and vastly mort comprehensiv j and all-embracin in its ef- 
fex than any sich parshel releef ez debasln the currency. Ef 
they hev morgages and see fit to foreclose, let em. A dozen men with shot- 
guns kin easily hold the minyuns uv the law at bay, and by the time a 
dozen or more uv the graspin oppressors hev the tops uv there heads blowd 
off, they will begin to remember that the debtor class hev rites that will 
hev to be respectid. 

But there ain't no yoose uv talkin uv this. The public lack confidence 
In us. I don't suppose I cood go to any uv the money centres uv the world 
and borrow a hundred thousand dollars on my own name, with the endorse- 
ment uv the Deekin. I never cood find any one more confidin than to lend 
me $8.32 at one vencher. 

Wat we want is a money that we kin git hold uv— that everybody kin 
git all he wants uv. Ef my sejestion uv makin leather dollars is rejectid 
by a unwise generashun wich don't recognize their benefactors, why then 
let us hev suthin wich is at once substanshel and kin be made plenty. My 
plan is this: 

Give every corporashen the rite to ishoo jist ez much money ez it 
wants to, based upon the faith uv the corporashen wich ishoos it. For in- 
stance, the corporashen uv Confedrit X Roads ishoos its scrip to jist sich 
an amount ez it chooses, and distribirs it pro rata among its citizens. That 
scrip shel be legle tender for everything, and any one refoosin to take it 
sherbe immejitly taken out and hung. Some sich legislashen ez that wood 
be necessary to inspire confidence. 

The effeck wood be miraculous. Then we wood all hev money, anrJ cood 
pay the bloatid bondholders without trouble. We shood hev money with 
wich to stimulate enterprise and give tho spirit uv progress wich belongs 
to the Amerikin character full scope to run and be glorified. Then we cood 
bild railroads, and factries and distilleries, and go on in a way that wood 
astonish the effete governments uv tlie Old World. Then wood there come 
a period uv prosperity onto us that wood make up for the depreshn uv the 
last four yeers, and things wood be sn.ooth agin. 

This is better than the Silver bill, or anything that I know uv. Moonis- 
sipal bankin is the remedy for our flnanshel woes, and it is the only thiag 
that will save us. Let the friends uv silver abandon their skeem and 
come to the support uv mine. Silver is only a parshel relief— my idea is 
complete. With sich money I cood pay off Bascom and hev enuff to live 
oa to the last day uv my life. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Finanseer. 



242 Thi Kasby Leti'SEs. 

ME. NASBY WANTS SUPPLEMENTAL ACTIOI^. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
CWich Is in the State uv Kentucky), 
March 2, 187S. 

The Silver Bill Is passed but the Corners hezn't ez yit experienced the 
relief that it expected. Bascom sed promptly that he wuz a law abidin 
citizen, and shood take silver. Uv course he hed watered his whiskey to 
meet the depreshiatid currency he wuz to be paid in, but he felt tolerable 
well after all. Silver wuz better th n nothln, and he felt that times coed 
not but help improve with silver made a legle-tender. 

"Gentlemen," he sed, "Silver is now money and I shell take it. Come 
up with yoor silver and wipe off yoor indebtednis, or yoo git nothln more 
at this bar!" - 

"Wat wuz we to do? "We didn't none uv us hev any silver any more a 
than we hed green-bax. "We coodert any uv us pay, and the people are 
murmurin. All that we hev got out uv it so fur, is a depreshiated ar- 
ticle uv likker, wich, ef our promises is good for any thing, gives Bascom 
just that much more profit. The dettor class ain't profitid at all, for It 
can't git no silver to pay with. 

Ef the government hez any mercy onto us at all, and ef it hez loads 
uv silver to-wunst, to be distribbitid pro-rata among the citizens, that 
wood give us releef. Onless the government does this the silver bill is a 
mockery, a deloosion and a snare. Uv wat good is it to say to me, "you 
kin pay off your debts at a discount with silver?" v/hen I hain't got no 
<ii3s^er and <5an't git it? Ef I hed any sekoorities to put up, I cood pay my 
debts in paper money or gold; for the collaterals I kin berry all I want uv 
that now. 

To give us the releef we want, either the government hez got to supply 
us silver, or let me carry out my projeck uv munissipal bankin. PJither 
will do. But to leave it where it is, is holler mockery; it's givin us a stun 
when we asked for bread. It's givia us hope uv suthin when the reliza- 
shun uv it is ez fur from us ez ever. Wat good ez it to me to make silvei 
legle-tender, onless you pervide me with silver to tender? I ain't got uc 
silver, and can't see how I am to git any. I want either a car-load uv 
silver distribbitid in the Corners, or I want onlimitid munisippa.1 bankin. 
One or the other Is necessary to meet the wants uv men like myself, for 
wich all finanshel projecks are made. Men who hev the faculty uv work- 
in, and to whom likker at statid and rapid intervals ain't a necessity, 
manage to git along without finanseeiin. Ef they are a goin to finanseer 
for me, I want em to do suthin practicle. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBT, Finanseer. 

DECOKATION DAY AT THE COENERS. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky). 
May 31, 1878. 
Yesterday wuz a glorious day for the Corners. The Corners hez re- 
covered from the depreshn uv the past ten yeers and is wunst more feelin 
Its oats. The Corners hez been sullenly a layin down under ablishn rool 
and ref oozed to be comfortid. The Corners hez hed no ambishn— no keer 
for anything, for so long ez she wuz crushed by the fell sperit uv radi- 
kelism all she cood do wuz to clank her chanes between drinks and let the 
country go to rooin. 



^ut things hev changed. The Corners hain't got no chaiies; and ef wat 
Is doin now succeeds will hev offlses enuff to pay for drinks for herself. 

We found we hed sperit enuff left to decorate the graves uv our fallen 
heroes— the Confedrit heroes uv course. Joe Bigler, Pollock and the nig- 
gers over at Libertyville, hed arrangad to decorate the graves uv the Fed- 
erl soljers, and hed fixed up the fron:: uv Pollock's store, by hevin put up 
a portrate uv Linkin with flowers about it, but as Bigler hed to go Loois- 
ville, we nad no hesitashen in tearin down the likenis uv the goriller, 
and notifying uv em not to go on in that direokshen, and ez they hedn't 
anybody to leed em they didn't decorate. 

But we did. We went and strewed flowers over the graves uv our 
slane heroes, and I delivered the orashen. It wuz a good one, and wuz 
loudly cheered, espeshly the sentences wich referred to the immediate 
V-cssibility uv my gittin the postofTis. I never saw sich tetchin affeckshun. 
"T will get the $4.50 yoo owe me!" sed wun. "Yoo will pay me for that 
■rtst pare of boots!" sed another, and almost every man in the assemblage 
'•estified to his interest in me. 

I remarked that it wuz about ez plane ez anything could be that the 
ueroes we wuz standing over hed not died in vane. (They wuz mostly at 
'ifort Piller.) They hed died that a Government by white men, of white 
men- and for white men, should not perish from the face uv the earth, and 
,\ wuzn't agoin to. Troo, they didn't succeed to any alarmin extent in 
i\Q field, but that made no difference, we wuz whipt there, but what we 
dn't git by arms we hed won by statesmanship. Conkered at Vicks- 
'>arg, we are conkerers at Washington. These men hed not died in vane, 
rhey hed taught the South the important lesson tnat while it is yooselis to 
attack the North in the field, the South kin still govern so long ez there is 
a Northern Dimocrat wich wants a Postoffice, The hed taught also the 
t)lly uv attemptin to destroy the Government. Why destroy that wich 
j'OO kin own? Ez a war-like help, the Northern Dimocrat wuz uv no 
«alue; to count one in Congris he is invaluable. 

Hev these men died in vane? Look at their comrades in Washington. 
,iVTiere are th-ey? Is there a Fedrel soljer appiiited to any place in the 
flouse? Does a Confedrit hold down his head now in the Capitol uv our 
co-untry? 

Did they die in vane? Look at the appropriashen bills now before the 
House. Look at the long list uv su '^sidles uv wich the share that will 
come to the Corners will be enuff to k ep us in likker for ten years. ("We 
wish more hed fallen!" from a dozen voices.) And what hez bin perposed 
will be a mere drop in the bucket when Potter hists the great fraud Hayes 
and that gileliss patriot, Tilden, takes his place. Y»^ith a Democratic 
House and a Democratic President, it will be queer ef we cannot sedoose 
enuft carpet-bag Southern Republikin Senators to give us a majority 
there. 

And then! My sole expands ez I think uv it. Our soljers will be pen- 
Bhund! The gray will stand beside the bloo, and we shell be on a common 
level henceforth. We shell make our penshuns date back to the close uv 
the war, wich will give a middle-aged Southern man enuff to live on com- 
fortable all the rest uv his days, with a competency for his children. And 
when yoo consider that we, wich git all this money, don't pay noneur 
the taxes, the gorgeousnis uv the prospeck kin be appreshiated. 

Will the nigger vote then? Will he be permitted to live on. the land 
wich he wrestid from us and wich he hez since fenced, and bilt cabias o«. 



244 Thk Nasbt LETTEas. 

ready for our occupancy? My friends, never agin doubt the control yo© 
hev. So long ez there is Irish in Noo York, and distilleries runnin twelve 
hours a day, there will be a Democratic party. And so long ez there is a 
Democratic party, yoo kin bet yoor bottom dollar that the South will 
control it, and control it jest ez sh j yoosed to. Our misforchoons hev 
bin turned into advantages, and hallsloojy, our sun is now shinin. 

In the evenin we held the yoosual meetin, and passed the yoosual reso- 
loosheng. We demandid our full share uv the appropriashens for internel 
improvements, and also the penshunin uv Confedrit soljers. We expressed 
our desire to be just by not deniandin that the fedrel soljer be left out in 
the cold, for we conceded that he mite hev thought he wuz rite in makin 
war upon us. 

A tetchin insident okkurred. A fedrel soljer who lives neer Liberty- 
ville asked to be allowed to say a word. He hed gone into the war from 
Illinoy, and hed fought as well as h • cood for wat he supposed wuz the 
preservashen uv the yoonyun. He hed bin at Washinton, and had heerd 
speeches and seen things. He coodent quite make it out, but it seemed 
to him that the time had come for a Northern soljer to make some kind 
uv an apology for wat he did doorin the war, and he wuz here for that 
purpus. He hoped the gallant South :;rners wood be generous to him, and • 
not make it impossible for him to livj in the South, for he preferred the 
elimit. But, uv course, watever they wantid he shood do. Anyhow, he 
tendered his apology for hevin serve:! under Sherman, and would swtar 
he never wood do it agin, no matte,- how loudly his country called. 

We acceptid his apology, for he mide it meekly enuff. He sed ef the 
leedin Republikins wuz willin to act ez ef they wuz ashamed uv bcin wat 
yoosed to be called loyal, he didn't see no reason why he, a lowly indi\ i/ile, 
shood stand up for it. He cood stand it ef they cood. 

I am goin to Washington to help out Potter. I hev a man here ?/ich 
will swear to anything ef you will only let him know wat yoo want, and 
ef he breaks down I shall come to the stand myself. We want, and will 
hev, Tilden and Reform President. I ken never forgit the $400 he paid me 
for my vote in the St. Loois Convenshun, and though it wasn't ez much 
ez It shood hev bin, I she! not go back onto him He bought the offlB and 
paid for it, and she! hev it. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Certain to be Postmaster. 

THE COMMUNE AT THE CORNERS. 

*** , Confedrit X Roads. 

(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky). 

July 1, 18' Ji. 
The flnanshel condlsn uv the Corners is and hez bin terrible sence the 
tyrant Linkin emansipated our niggers, and the tother tyrant Grant re- 
f oozed us the control of the fedrel patronage. The people saw that R/aoii- 
ally the entire wealth uv the Corners wuz centerin in 
the hands uv the bloatid monopolists, Bascom and Pv)llock. 
Bascom wuz gradooally absorbin all the capitle uv the Dimocris^ , for 
he delt in the goods they yoose, and our march to beggary was stiddy 
and inexorable. We coodent work, b^coz the native white Kentuckian ix 
averse to work, and likker he must hsv. We kin git on with a very little 
bread, but likker is a prime necessity, and there is no escape from it. 
And so, ez we wuz perdoosin nothin, and must live, Bascom hed got 
mort^agres on to all our property, an ; h^i vvuii grudooally absorbin every- 



The ^asby Letters. 245 

thing uv val<x>. How to prevent thl^ hez bin the problem wich we hev 
discussel between drinks, for yeers. A:ui lately, ez Bascom hez abandoned 
the credit system, and insists upon cash jist before takin a drink to prevent 
mistakes and misunderstandins, we bev hed plenty uv time to discuss those 
pints. 

The Communists uv Noo York solved the problem for us. The idee uv 
dividin up all the property ekally, and abolishin at one sweep both the 
creditor and the debtor class, uv hevin everybody share ekelly not only all 
the property, but the gains uv biznis, struck us ez precisely wat we 
wantid, and we determined to karry it into effect. 

Deekin Pograra objectid at first, for he sed he didn't quite see why he 
shood give up his farm; but I showd him ez Bascom held a mortgage 
onto it for more than it wuz wuth, that it wood, under the present nefari- 
ous and oppressive system, inevitably pass into his hands in a few short 
months, it woodent make any difference anyhow. He consented, ez did 
liusaker Gavitt, whose mortga^ge falls due in a month, and so did Capt. 
'I'Pelter, wich hez recently borrowed a large sum uv a Noo England in- 
Blioorence company. 

Bascom objectid and Pollock objectid, and we felt it nessary to yoose 
force. We organized, and after resolvin that capital wuz robbery and 
vrhoever posesed more wealth than any one else wuz a thief, we moved onto 
IJiascora and Pollock. Me and Issaker Gavitt and Deekin Pogram wuz ap-- 
tilntid a committee to divide the property up ekitably. 

It wuz a very simple process. There wuz exactly four hundred present 
>(rich we considered entitled to dividends, and all we hed to do wuz to in- 
^'entory their goods, and divide em up. And we did it. 

Bascom hed on hand eggsackly two barls uv likker, beside wat wuz 
111 the bottles on the bar, wich the comittee consomed to support *em 
doorin the division. This wuz eighty-four gallons uv likker, to be divided 
iMto four hundred. In two barls there's about six hundred and 
fteventy-two pints, wich made a trifle over a pint and 
u half to each Communist. We divided it up, eech man gittin his 
spint and a half, wich wuz promptly drunk on the spot. For an hour 
after the last drop disappeared the citizens wuz enthusiastic over the idee 
and Communism wuz votid a great success. 

At Pollock's we hed more trouble. He hed about four hundred yards 
uv calico on hand, wich we divided up givin eech man a yard. There wuz 
only two hundred pares uv shoes so e^ch one only got one shoe apiece. 
The sugar and molasses didn't do em very much good, ez it wuz wastid 
largely in drawin. The woolen goods wuz divided up like the calicos, and 
give em about a yard apeece. The agricultooral implements we divided up 
by raffle, ez ther wuzn't plows enuff to go around, and we ccodent di- 
vide a plow. 

We got Bascom and Pollock communed In about an hour, and the Cor- 
ners postponed dividin up the real estate till mornin. 

The citizens met at Bascom's early in the mornin to finish. The Dekin 
called upon Bascom to set em up, ez he hed sold a plow wich he had won 
at the division uv Pollock's property, to a nigger farmer for four dollars, 
and be triumphantly showed the money so that Bascom shood hev no hesi- 
tashen in settin uv it out. 

"How kin set out likker," answered G. W., "when I ain't got none? 
Too divided it up yesterdy afternoon." 



246 TuE Nasby Lettx&s. 

"But yoo wuz agoin to hev a fresli lot In irom Looisville, last night.** 
returned the Deekin. 

"I wuz," replied Bascom, "but I countermandid the order. I shan't 
keep no more likker in the Corners, till yoo git some settled noshuns uv 
finance. I don't like this dividin biznis. Yoo hed better turn around and 
find some one who didn't drink his pi it and a half, and make him divide 
With them ez did consoom ther share. I don't see how yoo kin stop thlt 
noshun, after it's once startid." 

That wuz hopelis. Every mother's son uv em hed drank his share 01 
the spot, and ther wuzn't a drop to ba hed for love or money. And ther 
wuz four hundred men, all uv em wail in for their mornin starter, and not 
a drop to be hed. And ther sot Bascom, the only man wich cood furnish It 
to us, smilin at our agony, ez calm ez a summer mornin. And when he 
pulled a pint flask from his pockit, and took his drink with the remark 
that he hed bin prudent enufC to save that, it stung us to madnis. 

Finelly Bascom sed that the likker that he hed ordered wuz reely In 
the Corners, but that he hed concede J it till he cood know suthin uv war 
wuz to happen to him. And we compermised. We agreed to return 1 1» 
the ola ways— to compensate him for the likker we hed consoomed tl.» 
nite afore, and to postpone the regenrashun uv the world, at leest s'/ 
months, and to give him a month's notis afore we commenst agin. C /> 
these condishns he rolled in a barl, and the Corners wuz irrigalid. 

We are gittin on very well now, by tradin what we commooned fro^o 
Pollock to Bascom for likker. The yard pieces uv calico and woollen i 1 
takes for likker and sells em in Louisville to cheep ciothin men for vefl 
patterns, and the other goods he takes at a fair valyooashen. Bascom ain ' 
hard to deel with ef yoo hev got anything with wich to pay him. 

I don't know how a comraoonity ft ^ed ez we are kin hev communism Im 
its purity. We are in the iron grasp uv capital, and don't apeer to b^ 
able to git out uv it. Ef we cood divide Bascom up, and then the minnj . 
wat we took uv him wuz gone, hev a.iother man come in with a stock t-^ 
divide up, and so on, ad infinitum, it wood work, but deelers in nessaries, a^j 
the Deekin remarks, is sordid, and when they diskiver the kind uv .#, 
markit the Corners wuz he wuz afeard they wood be too selfish to com a 
in any great numbers. While we uv the Corners wuz edjucatid up t^t 
the great prinsiples uv communism, he didn't bleeve them ez hed good*i 
wuz. 

And so ez the idea wuz a faleyoor, we are wunst more in the grasp u / 
Bascom and his capital. He hez means and can dictate to us wicn 
hevn't. And ez we hevn't any nigger laber we perdoose nothin, and ez we 
are constitooshenally opposed to laber, we are likely to remain in thrai- 
dom. It's a cold world, and will be till the Government pays us for losses 
doorin the war. PETROLEUM V. NASBY. Communist, in theory. 

ME. JNASBY BECOMES A COMMUNIST. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky). 

Jooly 16, 1878. 
Despite our recent disastrous failyoor to become Commoonists, we dis- 
termined to try it again. Ez there air.'t nothing in our hands, ez Bascom 
and Pollock hev everything that is uv valyoo, in this vicinity, we coodem 
aee where we shood lose anything anyh'ov/, by irsistin onto a fair dlvid» 
with a view uv taKin a r.oo start. After all, commoonism is the proper 



The Nasby Letters. 247 

noshun. Wat difPrence does it make to me that Pollock works and I don't? 
Am I to blame for not liking to work? I am ez nacher made me, and I 
must live. There he is ez he is, and he can't git anything more than a livin 
out uv It. Therefore it is his dooty to accooraoolate enufC for hisself and 
me, and ef he refooses to do it, it is my dooty, ez a citizen, to compel him. 

Issaker, M'Pelter, the Deekln and myself thought the matter all over 
and determined to stand no more nonsense from them fellows, but to take 
with the strong hand, all that wich they hed so long defrooded us uv. 
We determined to rise in our mite, and wrest from them despoilers the 
property they hed contrived to filch f om us. And every man uv us rollecl 
over and got up, and called a labor m .etin. 

I wuz makin the speech uv the nlte. It wuz a gorgeous effort. I wuz 
In the middle of it. I wuz showin that all property wuz robbery, and that 
Ju a troo republic one man shoodent hev any more than another man. I 
^^nlz demonstratin the absurdity uv permittin one man to hev hoardid up 
Ihat wich he coodent yoose, when others, made in the same image, wuz a 
ivungerin and a thirstin. I wuz demonstratin the necessity uv a ekal di- 
vision uv all property, real and personal, with laws perhibitin accoomoola- 
shen, by hevin a divishen everj' Fourth of Jooly, when a boy entered the 
jmeetin-house, with a telegram for me. It wuz breef, and to the pint: — 

Saint's Rest, Noo Jersey, July 15. 
Petroleum V. Nasby, Confedrit X Roads, Ky. : 

Yoor aunt Mehitable died yisterday, and made yoo her heir. The estate 
h« wuth suthin over $40,000. Write how yoo want it. 

SMITH & SLOCUM, Attorneys. 

I seed a lite. To-wunst my feelings experienced a revulsion. I hed a 
iwdden change uv hart. I felt a horror at the levelin doctrines uv com- 
»uoonism. The idea uv dividin up property become to me to-wunst the 
luost repulsive thing in the world. $40,000 is $4,000 a yeer — and four thou- 
n«,nd a yeer means comfort and elegance for me. Wat good wood it do to 
<!ivide it up? and beside I found a doubt ez to whether a man wuz ever en- 
titled to anything more than he really amasses by honest industry, or— 
j^ssibly inherits. I can't see that it Is wrong to live by the honest sweat 
uv an aunt's eye-brow. At all events, declined to go on with my speech, 
and Joe Bigler insisted that I shood. I refoozed and deklined to grive any 
reason for it, and denounced em all as a set of agrarian levc-lers. I de- 
nounst Commoonism ez robbery, and insisted that every man hed an In- 
defeesible rite to wat wuz his'n, and that nothin cood indoose me to join 
my forchoons to a principle so utterly repugnant to the idee uv civilijza- 
shun. 

Then Joe Bigler and Pollock, follered by the enraged citizens, pounced 
upon me, and Joseph tore from my grasp the telegram, and red it to the 
populis. It wuz enuff. A party uv em wantid to tear me lim from lim, 
for wat they wuz pleesed to call my base desershun uv a great coz, but 
the counsils uv the older and wiser prevailed. 

"Let him up," sed the good Deekin Pogram. "Lret him up, he hez 
money and Commoonism shel be enforced all the same. We will borrer uv 
Mm, wich will be the sam« ez tho he made a divvy all to wunst." 

And so I wuz releesed, and went my way, feelin considrably elatld. 
No more work for me. Henceforth my days wuz to be pleasure and my 
nltes delites. With $40,000 I cood snap my fingers at the world and live ez 
I chooee. 



24i The iSAsBY Letters. 

BsLSCora hed lent me the money to perceed to-wunst to Saint's Rest to 
secoor my patermony, and I hed borrered a pare uv boots uv the Deekin. 
and an extra shirt uv Issaker. All wuz in readiness, and the mule wuz at 
Bascom's door, when the dred intellig-ence reached me that ther wuzn't 
nothin in it. It hed all bin put up by Bigler and Pollock to see ef I wood 
change on the very platform. They hed writ the dispatch and sent it, 
and hired the mail boy to hand it to me. Bascom pounced onto me for 
the money he hed lent me, and Issaker and the Deekin wantid their prop- 
erty. I wuz stript on the spot and left helpless. 

There isn't any humanity in man. I shel be a Commoonist yit, and a 
bloody one. It is gettin to be a question uv livin. 

It wuz crooel in them fellows to deceive me so, tho' after all I hev no 
reeson to complane. Bascom, to consiliate a man uv so much capitle, kept '. 
me full all nite. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY. P. M., Conservative at present. 

ME. KASBY DEVELOPS A NEW FINANCIAL SCHEME. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky). 
Jooly 29. 1878. 

Yesterday I wuz perplexed. I hed bin argooin with my yoosual abiiit? 
In favor uv an onlimited ishoo uv greenbacks with a view uv makin money 
easier, and givin every man wich wantid it all he wantid, when Issake> 
Gavitt staggered me askin wat good that wuz a goin to do him? 

"Too promised us," sed Issaker, "money in plenty when we got tinn 
silver bill passed, but I never got hold uv a dollar uv it, onless I earned it 
and that I cood do before silver wuz made legle- tender. There's monej' 
enufC now for it, but that ain't wat finanseerin is for. Wat I want iv 
money that I don't work for — money furnisht by a paternal government, 
as It were, money that comes uv itself, you see. Don't talk to me ontll 
yoG kin come in that shape." 

I laid awake a whole nite ponderin this subjick. I saw to-wunst tbu 
force uv Issaker's objeckshun, and I felt that suthin must be done to soUmj 
this problem. 

At precisely three o'clock In the mornin I hit it. It come to me as a ^ 
revelashen, and I went to sleep, satisfied that I hed solved the problem uv 
finance. 

This is my Idee. Money wuz plenty doorin the late onplea.santness be- 
coz the Goverment wuz a borryin uv evrybody. It was plentyer in the 
Confedracy than it wuz in i:he J'edrel States becoz the Confedracy wuz the 
biggest borryer. The Northern farmer wich hed a boss that afore the war, 
owin to its being blind and spavined, wuz wuth $50, found that hoss 
wuth $300 doorin the war becoz the Government hed to hev it, and hed 
nothin but its greenbax to pay fur it In. Hence the honest farmer divvyed 
with the honest contractor, and ther wuz $300 put afloat, wich wuz a 
good thing for the groseries and the photograffers. The wife uv that 
farmer never stopped till she hed a cake uv French toilet sope and a silk 
dress and her photograff, and the farmer hisself put on broadcloth and fine 
linen, and bot a trottin sulky. Them wuz prosperus days. 

We can't, uv course, hev another war to git our new ishoo into serkel- i 
8iShen, but we kin hev wat will do jist ez well. We kin hev internel im- 1 
provemence. We kin complete all the kanals and raleroads that ever wuz 
commenst, and we kin kommense jist ez many more ez we choose. For iri- 
stance, the Cross Rodes wants:— 



I 



The JNasby Le iters. 2i9 

The slack-watrln uv Nigger Run to make it available for side- wheel 
steamers at all seasons uv the year. 

The compieeshen uv the Secessionville Raleroad, to lower the fraie 
on llkker from Looisville. 

The compleshen uv the pike to Boregard, to cut off the trade uv Li'u- 
ertyville. 

The establishment uv an arsenal at the Corners, and also a nashnel 
military academy. 

The Immejit bildin uv a branch connectin the Comers with the South- 
ern Pacific road. 

The establishment here uv a nashnel observatory, to observe eclipses 
and diskivver planets and sich, without wich there can't be prosperity. 

The bildin uv a plank-road over Davis's Hills, with a swing bridge 
over Nigger Run. 

These improvements, all demanded by the general good, will cost not 
less than three millions uv dollars, all uv wich wood be divided among the 
lnonest prodoosers uv the Corners and the honest contractor, uv wich I 
uliood be one. 

Thus the money wood git into circulation, and thus it wood go a lon-^ 
'rfay toward restorin prosperity. Ez every other locality in the country 
>f00d want an ekal amount, there cood be at least a thousand million put 
tifloat to begin with, wich cood be added to from time to time, ez we 
^eeded it. 

"But it wood all hev to be paid agin?" objectid Bascom, wich hevin 
uuthin is alluz objectin to finansheel skeems for betterin the times. 

"Never," sed I, "never. This money ain't never to be redeemed. It 
rill go on and on forever. When a bill gits old, yoo kin go and exchange 
^t for a new one, and that for another new one. The people Vvill be obleeged 
(o take it, for it will be legle tender, and it can't help makin money 
plenty, wich is wat we want now. Pay! never! Ef we are a goin to pay 
tve mite be benefitted for a time, but it wood be but temprary. We want 
permanent finanshel releef, suthin that will last. A unlimited isshoo uv 
money and a libral system uv internal improvements to git it into cir- 
kelashen is wat we want now. 

Issaker wuz satisfied, and to-morrow nite we meet to organize the 
"Onlimitid Ishoo and Internal Improvement League uv the Cross-Roads." 

Our rallyin cry will be, "Our capa&ity for spendin money must be ekal 
to our capasity for perdoosin it, and both must be onlimitid." We shel 
hev good times at the Corners ez soon ez the Nationals carry a Con- 
greaa, and kin grit to work. I hev developed the skeem for em. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY. Finanseer. 

THE CAUSE OF THE RARD TIMES. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky). 
August 19, 1873. 
Ez Congrisman Hewitt called afore him sich uv the labrin men and 
others uv Noo York to git ther vews ez to the coz uv the finanshel de- 
preshen uv the country and the remedy therefor, it okkurred to me that 
th« case cood not go to the country complete onless the Corners wuz 
heerd from. Ther is more finanshel talent layin around loose about Bas- 
com' s, probably, than kin be found on any other square mile in the coun- 
try, tbo there is a ^eat deel uv finanshel wisdom ejoosidated, betweep 



250 The Nasby Letters. 

drinks, most everywhere. When yoo want to know eggsackly how to 
pay the nashnel debt, yoo want to find a man wich coed never meet his 
own oblig-ashens. He knows how it is hisself, for he has wrassled with 
flnanshel problems. 

I called a meetin uv the principle citizens uv the Corners, to g-et their 
noshuns ezTto wat wuz necessary to hist us out uv the g-ulf we hed plunged 
into. It took some time to git em together, ez they wuz all at Bascoia's 
samplin a barrel uv likker he hed jist reseeved, it bein Bascom's habit 
when he gits a new barl to give em a free taste. On sich okkashuns 
the ultimate salvashen uv the human race woodent fetch em away til) 
the free drink wuz over. 

They dropt in wun by wun, and I eggsamined em thoroughly. The 
follerin is the substance uv it: 

Deekin Pogram — I consider the d?prest condishn uv the country at'- 
tributable entirely to a want uv money and labor. Sence the tirant Lin.' 
kin abolished slavery we hevn't hed labor enuff to develop the resources, 
nor currency enuff to do the biz^is uv the country. I hev frekently gon© 

a month without nary a nickel in my pocket, and consekently 

By Joe Bigler— Is that a new complaint, Deekin? 
Objectid to and ruled out ez irrjlevant. 

—Consekently wat biznis I did with Bascom hed to go on a credit 
basis. When Bascom goes to Louisville for more likker he hed to tak'9 
my notes to pay with, wich ther bein too many uv em, the Looisville pee^ 
pie are singlerly averse to takin. We must hev more money. The govern- 
ment shood ishoo 

By Joe Bigler — Deekin, ef yoor notes won't do the same ez money, 
owin to ther bein too many uv em, and not hevin a pertikelerly good basis, 
wat good wood it do for the government to ishoo jist the same kind uv 
money? 

Objectid to and rooled out ez irrelevant. 

The Deekin — We want more money and more occa^hun for money. 
Ther shood be an ishoo uv at leest a thousand milyuns uv money wich In 
never to be redeemed. It shood be distribbited per capita, and every aduM 
citizen with an able-bodied apertite shood hev all he wants. We want 
more money. 

By Joe Bigler— Deekin, 'sposn yoo hed gone to work in the spring and 
raised a crop and sold it for the money we now hev, wooden't that hev 
eased yoo up? 

Objectid to and rooled out ez irrelevant. 

Issaker Gavitt— Clearly uv the opinion that wat is wantid is more 
money. Money that wood hev to be redeemed wood be better than none, 
but that wood be merely temprary releef. Wat we want is in onliu-ited 
ishoo, at regler Intervals, uv money wich ain't never to be redeemed, 
based on the faith uv the government. Ezl never pay no taxes anyhow, 
wood be willin to hev the revenoos pledged for its ultimit redempshuri. 
The money mite be distribbitid ez the Deekin sejests, or got into cirkela^ 
shen by the payin uv Southern claims and pensionin Southern soljers. 
Every man shood, in some way, hev a just share. 

By Joe Bigler— How long, Issaker, wood it be afore Bascom wood hev 
It all, ez he hez now? 

Objectid to and rooled out ez Irrelevant 

Capt. McGrath— The prinsiple need uv the Comers is more money; 
ain't pertlkeler wat kind it is so that nobody ain't iroin to be called \jpon 



The Nasby Letters. 251 

to redeem It, and It will buy likker. Want a law makin it, another law 

distribbitin it, and another compeilin everybody to take it at par. Is 
willin to pool ishoos with anybody wlch will agree to this. Am willin to 
tax everybody for free educashen, and wood go so fur ez to make the 
treasury furnish every child with school cooks and a new pare uv trous- 
ers, pervided that ishoo is pooled with this. Am also willin to redoose the 
hours uv labor to eight or five or fo ir, or wood be willin to go further 
and hev no labor at all, pervidin mon?y cood be made plenty enuff. Is 
willin to strike hands with Dennis Kearney, or Gen. Butler hisself, to hev 
money made plenty enuff. This is the prinsiple ishoo to be pooled, 

Abner Pettus— Ain't quite clear ez to wat "fiat" money Is, but is in 
favor 'UV it if Ft lessens the hours uv labor and makes it easier to git. 
Wants more money and more time to improve his mind; wuz compelled 
to leave a game uv sev^en-up yesterday at Bascom's when he hed only one 
to go, and wuz certin uv turnin jack, to split oven-wood for his wife, 
wich, in a proper condishn uv society, he wood hev hed a nigger do. Then 
the iron entered his sole and he despared uv the republic. Bleeves in an 
unlimited ishoo uv money that he may be shoor uv a proper reward for 
his laber. 

By Joe Bigler— Abner, how many days' work hev yoo done doorin the 
yeer jist past? 

Objectid to and rooled out ez Irrelevant. 

At this pint the Investigashen ceased. Joe Bigler wantld to know 
suthin about the yield uv wheat to the acre, how much wuz put in about 
the Comers, and where it wuz markitid, and the price it fetched, but we 
choked him off, holdin that his questions wuz irrelevant. He laffed and 
went away, sayin that he cood show the Corners how to git wat money 
It needed without any noo ishoos. He made some allooshuns to the propri- 
ety uv g'oin to work, and spendin half ez much for bred and cloze ez we 
did for likker, and a lot uv sich demoralizin remarks, wich the Corners 
never did and never will stand. 

We are a yoonit on fiat money, and I shel forrerd these questions and 
ansers to Mr. Hewitt, that they may be incorporated in his report. 

The Comers is determined to hev more money. The citizens set every 
day till late at nite in Bascom's, discussin this pint, and we hev evolved a 
grate deal uv finanshel wisdom. We hev no money and no means to go 
on with. The bloatid Bascom has got us^ and we must hev money to 
swamp him with. Ontil we hev the means to purchls supplies we are 
helplis, and how are we to git the means till the government comes to our 
releef? It Is the question uv the hour. We want the Suthrin clames paid, 
and the government must make the money to pay them with. The gov- 
ernment should be to us father, mother and aunt in the country. The gov- 
ernment cannot do too much, nor the individual too little. I want a gov- 
ernment that will struggle for me. Let us hev such a government and the 
Comera will be herself agin. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Finanseer. 



62 Thi Nasbt Letters. 

MR. NASBY ORGANIZES A NATIONAL LODGE. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky). 
September 1, 1878. 

I felt it incumbent onto me to go to Factryville, a village hard-by, 
and establish a lodge uv Nashnels, uv the Kearney kind. Factryville WU2 
established by a company uv Ma^sachoosits disturbers, wich invaded 
the sacred soil for the purpus uv manufactrin iron wich is found there in 
great quiintities, and they hev a mill into wich about a hundred men hev 
bin employed. The price uv iron bevin gone down, these graspin monopo- 
lists hei the ashoorence to ask ther sufferin labrers to redoose their wages, 
givin the frivolous pretext that ez the price uv livin hed gone down also 
they cood afford to work for a little less. Ez most of the men owned 
their own houses, wich they hed saved, and wuz comfortably fixed, they 
coodent git away, and hed to endoor the ojus exacshuns uv the grindin 
capitalists. And ez coUeckshuns wuz difficult, and they didn't git theijf 
wagis with the regularity uv former yeers, they murmured some, wich I fell 
it my dooty to improve. They needed a leeder, for none uv em knew 
how much they wuz sufferin till I went and told em. 

I hed a tolerable easy time uv it. I made em two speeches in wich I 
showed em they wuz groanin under a tyranny compared with wich th« 
sufferina uv the Rooshun serf wuz nothin, and that they wood never hev 
ther own till they organized and crushed their oppressors. I showed 
em that wat they wautid wuz to crush out capital, and be theirselves 
their own roolers. It wuzn't hard to do, and the sekond nite I organized 
a seckshun. 

The ritooal I writ myself, basin it on Kearney's idee. It wuz verj 
breef, and run s*ithin like this: 

"Hath the brother wrongs?*' 

"He hath." 

"Doth the brother brood?" 

"He doth." 

"Is he a successful brooder?" 

"He is." 

"Doth the brother look forward to the time when he will hev his iron 
heel on the necks uv his oppressors, and will hev the lecherous employer 
by the throat?" 

"He doth." 

"Doth the brother understand the yoose uv a box uv matches?" 

"He doth." 

"Is the brother willin. In this holy croosade uv labor agin capital, to 
buy his own matches, or is he so craven-spirited ez to ask the order to 
furnish them?" 

"He will buy his own." 

"Hath the wronged brother two dollars and a half in his trowsers to 
help the coz, by supportin the agitator?" 

The wronged brother at this stage prodoosed the money, wich I took to 
strengthen the coz, and then perceeded with the latter. I remarkt that he 
wuz a grovlin slave, and that by layin still he wuz addin to his bonds. 
Wat he wantid to do wuz to rise. He wanted to demand an ekal divishun 
uv property, and ef this reasonable demand wuzn't acceded to, he wantid 
to deptroy wat property th^r wuz. He wajitl4 to demand fm onlimitid 



f'HE Kasby Letters 253 

Ishoo uv money to be dl' IdiJ In some way s<. that he wood git all that he 
v\-antld, and that the hours uv labor shood be fixed by law, and the 
wages also. He shood demand sich legislashen ez wood let him live In 
absloot luxury, no matter wat he wuz. The more incompetent or averse 
to labor he wuz the greater the dooty uv the Goverment to see that he 
didn't want for anything. Ef after he hed riz and these demands wuzn't 
grantid then the matches shood come In. 

I inishiated the entire force uv the factry, and the next mornin they 
marched in a body to the mill and demandid their heaven-given rites. 
The bloated employers tried to reason with em, and tried to show em that 
they wuz payin all that they cood afford to, In the present deprest con- 
dishn uv things, and that they wuz gittin now ez much ez they wuz before, 
when the cost uv livin wuz taken into account. They hed the • impudence 
to tell em that ef they hed to accede to ther demands that they wood hev 
to shet up the mills, and one uv em told the men that ef they wood as- 
soom the mortgages, ez well ez the bi2mis, he wood be perfeckly willin to 
relinquish it then and there. 

The workmen would hev yeelded, but I have made em a speech, wich 
whooped it up agin. They became infooriated and moved on the works. 
In less than a minit, they had guttid it, in five minits it wuz In flames, 
and in a half hour it wuz in ashes, and the men firmly but determinedly 
moved off. The first battle for the rites uv man hed bin fought in Factry- 
ville, and the first victry uv labor over capital In Kentucky hed bin 
acheeved. 

The men wuz Jubilant and I congratulated em. We adjourned to the 
grosery and poured out libashens uv sod-com whisky over our triumph. 

Things wuz boomin' for a day or two. Finally the men begun to git 
sober, and went home to their famili s. I notist by the close uv the third 
day an ominus change in ther demeanor tov/ard me. 

"Is the bosses goin* to bild agin?" they asked one uv another. 

"I ruther think not," wuz the anser. "The fact Is, that all they hed 
wuz investid in them mills, and that Is gone. They hain't got nothin to 
build with." 

"The merry hell you say. Then w^here are we goin to git work?" 

That staggered em. They loafed about In a llstlis sort uv way, for a 
day or two, but they didn't enthuse very much. Invitashens to take 
suthin began to be uncomfortably infrekent, and there seemed to be a dis- 
posishun toward me that I didn't like. 

"Too see," sed one uv em, "that we hev succeeded In getting our 
rites. We hev crushed capital. It is verj' crushed. We never saw a 
more complete crushin out uv capital than this is. But we can't see 
where we hev made anything by it, to any alarmin extent. We hev bustid 
capital effectooally, and hev bustid ourselves jist ez effectooally. The 
meat barl is low, the flour is gone, and we hain't got no work. Too showd 
us how to bust capitle,— now spose yoo kindly show us to git more, and 
hev it better organized." 

"Hev yoo no aspirashens for a higher and better life?" I replied. "Do 
yoo want to continyoo to grovel at the feet uv yoor oppressors? Hev yoo 
fcHo pride?" 

"We hed pride," wuz the anser uv this slave, "but that vanishes. We 
|hev stumicks wIch Is alluz with us. Wat yoo want to do Is to git out uv 
|this seckshun In jist three minits, or we'll ornament a tree with yoo." 

I left afoot. I hed the Inishiashun money In my pockit and a soot uv 



254 I^HK Kasby LsmM. 

cloze that I rescood from tho burnin mill and absent-mindedly forgot to 

ask who owned em. I didn't do ez well ez Kerney, but it servd my purpus. 

, I shel g-o back tho, and see ef I ca.n't re-organize em on the onlimitid 

currency noshun, and make good Nashnels uv em. There are a lot of 

mowln masheens in that vicinity that need burnin, and ther are a dozen 

or mbre places that strikes and sich kin be organized in. The rites uv man 

must be established in Kentucky. 

PET.IOLEUM V. NASBY, Organizer. 

THE MAINE ELECTION OF 1878. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wich Is in the State uv Kent\icky). 
Sept. 15, 1878. 

The nooze from Maine hez reached the Corners and it hez encourage 'd 
us, both ez Nashnels and Dimocrats. It doesn't make a straw's difference 
to me whether we the Dimocrats ,hev swallered the Nashnels, or whether 
the Nashnels hev swallered us. There hez bin swallerin, and the RepubH- 
kin party hez lost its grip. We are happy. 

Es Nashnels we hev things eggs.ickly to soot us at the Corners, and 
throughout this seckshun. We hev succeeded in institootin strikes In a.11 
the manufacturin villages in the seckshun, and hev all the workinmen ©ut 
uv work and in consekent distress. At Factryville ther ain't any more 
factry at all, for we burned it in the holy croosade uv labor agin capital. 
In Plainville we hev all the mechanics and laborers on a strike, wich heJ • 
the deliteful and cheerln effeck uv throwin every workin-man out uv work, 
haleeloogy. They hev nothin to do now but to walk about the streets day 
times, and lissen to our speeches nites. And we are makin it lively for 
the bloatid employers, yoo bet. When men are distrest they want a 
remedy, and they'll take nwist any kind uv meiicine. 

To support em, we hev Institootid a provishnal bank, wich will do till 
the fiat money is ishood. It's the same thing ez "fiat" money. I am 
President uv it and Is.saker Gavitt is Casheer. Our money is simply a 
slip uv paper onto wich is printid th? sole-inspirin words: 

This is a dollar. 
"Attest: PETROLEUM V. NASBY, President. 
"ISSAKER GAVITT, Cashier." 

The only secoority that we felt wuz necessary wuz to pledge the sacred 
faith uv the Comers that it wuz a dollar. ~ 

"Wat Is It to be redeemed in?" queried a shoemaker to whom I offered 
It for a pare uv boots, the first I hev hed for yeers. 

"In nothin. It don't want to be redeemed. To redeem it wood be to 
destroy its life-giving principle. Any body kin ishoo money with gold 
behind it to redeem it — yoor troo finanseer is he wich kin make money 
wich don't want redeemin. All yoo h^v to do with this money is to keep 
It movin. Yoo hump this bill onto y jor leather merchant, and he'll hump 
it along on somebody else, and ez long ez yoo think it's a dollar, why 
isn't It?" 

He took It, tho it seemed to me h.^ wuzn't convinst. 

We ain't bothered with it at all, ez it ain't never to be redeemed, except 
that when one bill wears out, the ho'der kin come and git another in it^ 
stead. We mite retire a worn-out bill, but ez that wood contract the cur- 
rency we don't think it the best thing to do. We want a volume uv cur- 
rency aHoat ekal to the demands uv trade. 



There wuz aome trouble, for a irreat many farmers didn't want to take 
It, and Bascom kicked somewhat. Bat we lied a remedy for this. The 
labrin populashen held a meetin and in the sacred coz uv laber agin 
capitle notified the people that any one wich refoozed to take the money 
at par wood be to-wunst hung. Under this stimulus Bascom took it, but 
he Immejltly advanced the price uv likker to fifteen cents, and a f'»w hours 
after to twenty-five. 

We remonstrated with him about it, and he answered us: 

"Ef there's going: to be a era uv prosperity 1 am going to share in it. 
Too kin hev all the likker yoo want at Sve cents, old money, but ef I am 
compelled to take yoor fiat money for likker, yoo can't dictate to me the 
price I shel ask, for that rests with me ez a free citizen uv these Yoonltid 
States/* 

I am a Just man. I acknowledged the strength uv his poslshun. All I 
did wuz to walk over to the printin o.lis and order another hunderd thou- 
sand dollars struck off, and put it Into cirkelashen to-wunst. Wat we v/ant 
its money enufC. 

The effeck on the Comers wuz instantaneous. We never bed slch a era 
UV prosperity. Ez every man hed all the money he wantid, work wuz 
generally suspendid, and the people give theji-selves up wholly to enjoy- 
ment. Bascom did a trem.endous business, the storekeepers (all except 
tthat cuss Pollock and Joe Bigler, who not only refoozed to take the money 
Iftut refoozed to be hung,) did a smashin business. Men wich never hed a 
ilollar in ther lives hed ther pockits full, and ther is nothin but the most 
nheerful prospeck abed uv us. When money kin be hed by printing it, 
tvat is to prevent everybody hevln all they need? Nothin. I shal print a 
lot more to-morrow. 

PETROLEUM V. NASDY, Reformer and Finanseer. 

P. S. — There is one little speck uv trouble about our fiat money. Ther 
iiin't no farmer puttin in any whoat, for they say they don't keer about 
ifsreatin for this kind uv money. The bloatid employers at FattfVV'He, and 
rialnville, hev consentid to advance the wagris uv ther employees ef they 
t-nll take our money in pay, but the mechanics swear they must be paid 
»a Nashnel bank-notes, ef they work. And the most uv em decided they 
\(^on't work at all so long ez they k! i git enuff uv fiat money to Uve on. 
It's all very well now, but ther ought to be some work goin on. We must 
hev legislashen compellin uv em, ' 

THE CORNEKS EXPEEIMEJSTTS WITH FIAT MONEY. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wich is In the State uv Kentucky). 
Sept. 20, 1878. 
The amount of prosperity the Corners is labrin under, just now, Is mir- 
rckulus. Me and Issaker Gavitt hez isshoed over three hundred thou- 
sand dollars uv our fiat money, and ez I perdtctM the Corners is prosperin 
to a degree that no one, not even myself, ez sangwin ez I am, never dreem- 
ed uv. 

Issaker Gavitt and me hev quit Ishooin fiat money and the Town Coun- 
cil hev taken it in hand, so that it shel hev an oflashel look. 
The money they ishoo reeds thus: 

THIS IS A DOLLAR, 
Sdcoored by the faith of Confedrtt X Road». 



256 1'hx Nabst LjcfTftEB. 

These bills Is signed by the Mayor and Clerk uv the corporashen, and 
ez they are printed in two colors with a green back, they look ez good ei 
any money I ever saw. 

The question wuz how to git em into cirkelashen. Money ain't gooc 
for nothin onless it cirkelates, and so the Council resolved on a system u^ 
Internal improvements to git em out. 

Accordingly they let the foUerin contrax: 

A new City Hall to cost $250,000. 

Publick skool bilding to cost $10,000. (This wuz considerd extravagant 
but the main pint) is to git the money into cirkelashen.) 

A ship canal to connect Confedrit Run with Sucker Crik. Ez thei 
ain't no water uv any akkount in either, a ingenious system uv arteslai 
wells hez to be bored, and sufRshent water to float a steemboat is to hi 
pumped into em by steem engines. The estimatid cost uv this nessary im- 
provement is one million uv dollars. 

A narrer guage railroad to connect the Corners with Secesslonville oi; 
the Looisville road, cost $500,000. 

A plank road to Davisville, to cost $200,000. 

Steam fire engines and a complete fire department to cost $50,000. 

This is ez fur ez the council hez grot, but other appropriations will b< 
made for other improvements ez fast ez the money is wantid to git int< 
cirkelashen, that being the main pint now. 

The contrax wuz all let to citizens uv the Comers, mostly to members 
uv the Council, and they wuz all based <m the price uv a drink, plane 
fifty cents. The counsel hed the money printid to pay the contrakters 
with. Ez we didn't want to wait long t-eforo the era uv prosperity sot in,! 
it wuz votid that eech contraker shood hev an advance uv twenty-five pei 
cent on the amount uv his contrack, that the money mite be got into cir- 
kelashun to wunst, and the good efCex mite be felt immejitly. This wu2 
done, and some $500,000 wuz paid to em. 

The effeck is terrific. The wages uv labrin men hez gone up to $7 a 
day, and it is difficult to prokoor em at that. Whiskey hez riz to 50 
cents a drink without sugar, and 75 with. The groanin shoemaker wich 
used to git $5 for a pare uv stogy boots, is gettin $20 now, and he ain't 
particular about sellin even at that price. Everybody hez got all the 
money they want, and the Corners Is baskin in the beems uv onlimitid 
prosperity. This flat money Is a big thing. 

The only spot on our shinin sun is Blgler and Pollock. They refooze 
to tetch our money at all, and ez they keep goods wich we must hev its 
inconvenient. And then Joe goes about askin all sorts uv fool questions. 
He wants to know who's ever goin to redeem the money? He wants to 
know wat good this money Is agoin to be in Looisvllle wher our supplies 
come from primarily ? He wants to know who is agoin to pay the taxes for 
all these improvements, and how we will feel when the bubble busts and ' 
we are left with a immense debt onto our shoulders? 

I answered him that he didn't know nothin about finanseerin. That 
the very essence uv fiat money wuz that it wuzn't never to be redeemed, I 
that the people wuz a takin it for their goods and labor, and that they 
%'ood pay it out for more goods and labor, and that it wood keep on fop-j 
ever in one endlis round. I 

"But," sed Josef, "the contracktors hev got to hev iron and tools and ' 
things, and the laborers hev got to hev shoes and a great deel uv likker, 
and a Uttle suthln to eat occassl<ma]ly. It's all very well b« long ez the^ 



1^ * Thi Nabbt Letters. 257 

It 

kin trade among themselves, but how will It be in Looisville? Will they 
take It there?" 

That is the cloud that hangs over us. Will they take it in Looisville, 
where we hev to buy our goods? 

We must move on the legislacher and get the State to adopt the Cor- 
ners' idee, and then we must go to Congris and compel the ishooin uv 
fiat money by the General Government, makin it legle tender wherever the 
flag floats. And that it may be got into cirkel.ashen the General Govern- 
ment must be paternal, and must imitate the Corners in the matter uv in- 
ternal improvements. There must be a ship canal from Chicago to To- 
ledo, the Erie canal must be enlarged so as to pass the Great Eastern, the 
whole Mississippi Valley must be kivered with levees and everything else, 
there must be Custom Houses and Post Offices built in every city and vil- 
lage, and ez for raleroads, Lord bless us, they must be built from every- 
where to everywhere, and all at the expense uv the Government, for the 
purpus uv git tin fiat money into cirklashen in suffishent vollums to meet 
the requirements uv trade. Ef the bioatid bond-holders want to keep ther 
bonds, all rite, only they must take principle and intrest in this kind uv 
money. Them ez are held abroad shood be repoodiatid to-wunst, and hev 
don© with em. 

Ther are forty millyuns uv people in this kentry, and I insist that 
tnuit public works shood be put through to give every man, woman and 
child in the Yoonyun at leest $2,000 uv money. A helthy war wood git it 
Into cirkelashen faster, but I am averse to bloodshed. I am as tender in 
rny feelins ez I am broad in my finanshel vews. 

This is my finanshel noshun, but they ain't original with me. The 
Oimocratic and Nashnel leeders are holdin the same noshens in a modi- 
Aed form. They will advance to my posishun when they see how the 
thing works in the Comers. 

I don't want no gold, nor no silver. A paper dollar is good enuff for 
4ne, so ez It will buy likker, and I kin git enuff uv it. "Wat do I keer for 
debt, when that debt ain't never goln to be paid? Gold is an exploded 
Idee! Ring out the old and ring In the new! We want more money and 
we are goin to hev it. PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Finanseer. 

P. S.— The trubble that Josef prophesied hez come already. Pelter, the 
shoemaker sold out his stock gaily, for fiat money, and went to Looisville 
to git more leather. The Looisville leather men woodent give him a bit uv 
leather for our money, and that Is all he hez. He offered em three prices, 
but they declined frigidly, and he come home without a single side. He 
swears he has bin robbed, and he is so disloyal ez to d — n the counsil, and 
me, the originator uv the idee. I told him to start a tannery hisself, and 
be independent uv the outside world, but he wantid to know how he wuz 
agoin to do with fiat money? The fact Is sosiety needs reorganizin. 
.There must be some way devised to compel Looisville to take our money. 
Ez no fiat money is ever goin to be redeemed In gold or anything else, why 
ain't oum jist ez good ez anybody's? 

MR. NASBY'S LAST EXPERIMENT WITH FIAT MONEY. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
fWich Is In the State uv Kentucky). 

Oct. 15, 1878. 
The October eleckshiuns aint ez satisfactory ez they mite hev bin, but 
tlitfy win 4o. We her lost Ohio, an4 Iowa, but we have gobbled Injeany 



B58 Thi Kasbt Lbttkes. 

and West Virffinny. The grate coz uv finanshel salvashen hez not ez ylt 
passed into a triumph, but it hezn't bin Icilled, wich is some comfort 
Ther is yit room for hope. Wheat hez come down five cents a bushel in 
consekence uv the dismal prospeck that ther won't be no European war, 
and that encouragis us. The people never did ascribe the low price uv 
perdoose to anything but the party in power, and this drop, ef it providen- 
shelly continyoos, will make votes for us. The price uv prodoose control.? 
a great deel more than any one hez any idee uv. I hev knowd a provi- 
denshel potato rot to elect a Democratic member uv Congris. 

Issaker Gavitt is gi-owin daily more gloomy ez the prospex uv a gineral 
European war diminishes. 

"It's crooel," sez he, with a teer in each eye. "No war in Europe, am.' 
I've got ten hogs wich I wantid a high price fur. This world is full uw 
disappintments. I don't suppose pork on foot will now be wuth more thar 
three cents a pound. Wat do them European cabinits mean?" 

But this is a diversion. 

I supposed that when we hed ishood our Fiat money that our troubl- » 
wuz over. I supposed that when the Common Counsel uv the Corner;' 
hed ishood a currency based upon the good faith uv the Corners, and heO 
passed aji ordinance makin it legle tender, that everything wood go alonu 
smoothly, and that the era uv prosperity wich we hev all been lookin fo-« 
wood immejitly set in. But it don't work wuth a cuss. We hed expecti i 
to be relieved uv our indebtednis to Pollock & Bigler, but unfortunitL/ 
them disturbers, with a foresite tha,t is feendish, hev persistently rt" 
foozed the Dimocrisy uv the Corners credit for many yeers, so that w-a 
don't owe them anything. And Pollock remarked vishusly that ef we dU\ 
owe him anything he wood ez soon take pay in fiat money ez anything els 
be wuz likely to git from us, ez he never expectid anything anyhow. 

But we desidid to git even with him. I went into his store and askeri 
for a pare uv boots. 

"All rite," sed Pollock, **wat kind uv money do yoo perpose to pay in? 
the glorious fiat uv the present or the despised greenback uv the past?" 

"Sir!" I remarkt impressively, "I am too patriotic not to assist in git 
ting our new money into cirkelashun. I shel pay in fiat, of which I hev 
plenty, and more a comin." 

"All rite," sed Pollock, perdoosin a little strip uv leather, "Them ijj 
the boots." 

"But they is not boots," I exclai)ned. "Wat kin I do with that strip 
uv leather?" 

"Jist ez much ez I kin with yoor money. You say that piece uv 
paper yoo h«v is money — ^I say that piece of leather is boots. My word is, 
I trust, ez good ez yoors." 

And with a feendish laff he told Joe Bigler to keep an eye on me and 
turned around sellin substanshel boots to a nigger farmer wich hed Nash- 
nel Bank notes. 

Sadly I went over to Bascom's and found there the entire Corners dis- 
cussin the finanshel sltyooashen. There wuz Deekin Pogram in his old 
familyer chair, there wus Issaker a lyin on his back on a round table that! 
the citizens play keerds upon when It is aroused, and Capt. M'Pelter lea]i-| 
in agrinst the bar, all sighin at the scarsity uv money and the deprest coji- 
dishn uv industry. It wuz a site I hev seed a, thousand time and it mellld 
me. I determined to demonstrate that ther wuz one patriot that wood '•<•- 
speck the laws uv his native place, and accept her currency. 



The Nasbi Limi.Kii. 255 

"Gentlenten," I sez. firmly, "step up. Bascom, set 'em up." 

Bascom hed bin takin our money for some days, and bed bin to 
Louisville for likker. He sot out the bottle with a sardonic grin tliat 
boded us no good. "We each poured out the likker, however, and placed the 
g-lasses to our respective lips. Immejitly every man spittid the likwid out 
upon the floor. I turned sick, for I he I uricav\-shusly swallered a little uv it. 

It wuz Water! the first I htd tasted for yeai^! 

"Wat does this mean, sir?" I demandid feercely. 

"Don't yoo like the whiskey?" wuz his anser, ez he glared feercely at 
me. 

"Like it! Like it! Why, it's water!" 

"Bless yoor sole," replied Bascom, "why don't yoo say it's whiskey? 
The minit yov say it's whiskey it is whiskey. Yoo say the paper you want 
to pay me in is a dollar, jist becoz yoo say it is a dollar, and why in bloodj"- 
thunder can't yoo make whiskey out uv water by jist sayin it'« whiskey? 
Gentlemen, this is fiat whiskey, and it's the only kind I kin gil with flat 
m.oney. When you git to payin in the comfortable old greenback, or the 
modest nickle, all rite. I'll give yoo the regler old bovv^el scorcher. But 
the likker is goin to assimilate to the money. I learned that v/ord in 
Louisville. Ef yoo want to pay in fiat money yoo are goin to git flat lik- 
ker. Ef yoo kin imagine a peece uv paper with yoor stamp onto it is a 
dollar, you must likewise imagine this flooid to be good likker, and vice 
versy. Parson, this is all yoo will ever git with yoor kind uv money." 

And he leened back agin his bottlas with a defiant air, and we sank 
back terrified. 

Where is the end to be? I don't know. Oh! that Butler wood carry 
Massychoosits, and git into power, so that his genius cood solve the pro- 
blem* Ef Bascom repudiates the fiat money it is all over here. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Finanseer. 

THE NOYEMBEE ELECTIONS OF 1878. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky). 
Nov. 10, 1S7S. 

I am entirely satisfied that I shood hev bin happier ef I had never bin 
)orn. Life is to me an unendin sucksesshun uv disastei*s. Occaehunallv 
ther is a gleem uv sunshine, a rift thro ^ihe clouds that envellop me, but it 
don't last. For sixteen long yeers I h2v bin strugglin, wrasslin a back-holt 
v;ith disaster, and disaster hez ginerally flopped me. I am flopped now. 
and am so sore with brooses that it don't seem to me that I shpl ever git 
up agin. It is a singler thing that disaster and I hev hed so many encoun- 
ters, and that the result hez ever bin the same. 

I expectid great things from the November eleckshuns. I hed hoped 
that the Dimecratic-Greenback noshun wood prevale in the States holdin 
eleckshuns, so that the experiment ov Fiat money in the corners wood be 
strengthened to the pint uv makin it a sucksess, I hed hoped that But- 
ler and Kearney wood carry Massachousits, and that John Kelly wood 
carry Noo York. I hed hoped that the Greenbaakers wood carry Mishigan, 
and that Pennsilvany wood add her voice to the general outcry for more 
money and better times. 

I wantid the people in the East and in the West, by their ballots, to In- 
sist that the bloatid bondholders shood take a back seat, that money 
fhood he simply the creashun uv whoever chose to make it, and that every 



26U The Kasbt Lsttssj*. 

man shood hev all that he wantid. I hed hopes that the people wood pro- j 
nounce in favor uv givin everything to everybody, and do away with 
labor, by makin labor onnessessary. In short, I hoped that the Fiat money 
uv the Cross-Roads wood be legalized. 

Wat happened? I looked to Massichusits, and behold Butler is berried 
under a majority uv 40,000, and the streets don't run with blood as Kerny 
prophesied. 

I look ro Pennsilvanny, and ther Dimocrisy goes under to tlie toon of 
30,000. 

I turn my eyes imploringly to Mishigan, and lo! the anser comes back 
— "Repiiblikin, 40,000." 

In agony I turn to Noo Tork, and Conkling carries that stronghold of 
Democrisy by a majority wich it ain't wuth while to count up. 

It is troo we carried the South, but that don't count. We kin allua 
carry the South ez long- ez we are permitted shot-guns, but shot-gun 
triumphs ain't wat I wantid. It ain't a moral triumph, and a moral 
triumph is wat wuz needid at this time. I wantid men to vote for Fiat 
money wich didn't do it at the muzzle uv a shot-gun. 

The effeck- hez bin disastrus on the prospecks uv the Comers. 
Work on the Court House, Ship Canal and Raleroad hez bin suspendld 
It went along well enuff, for a time. The men got into a habit uv demand- 
In an increase uv wagis every day or two, and we met ther demar.d^i 
librally. It didn't make a particle uv difCrence to us whether we paid Ji. 
dollar a day or fifty. It cost jest ez much to print a dollar note ez W 
did a fifty dollar note, and ef a man felt richer with the fifty dollar not'i" 
why not let him have it? The higher the wagis we paid, the richer tti? 
community wuz gittin, becoz more money wuz gittin Into cirkelashen. But 
ther cum a time when we hed to hev a dozen spades, and a pick-axe, an-S 
without em the work cood not go on. The hardware deelers wood not 
take our money for em, and we hed no other and so for want uv ten 
dollars' worth uv spades and pick-ax es. improvements involvin millions 
wuz brot to a complete stoppage! Fiat money is all well enuff, but woo<f 
I hed the power to compel the people to take It whether or not. Leglsla-. 
shen Is wat we want, but the result uv the November elekshuns give me no 
hope uv that. I feel we are goin to be In the power uv the bond-holdera 
for a time yit. 

Then came more trouble. Bascom had hed an unparalleled run uv 
biznis, and taken every dollar uv Fiat money ther wuz In the Corners. 1 
hed bin printin it on wall-paper for a week, and the day afore eleckshun the 
last scrap uv it hed bin exhaustid. I scoured the village to find suthin 
that cood be used in printin, but ez the people never indulged to any ex- 
tent in the luxury uv wall-paper, I coodent git any. In dispair I went 
into Pollock's store, and begged him to sell me wat he hed on hand. 
"Certinly," sed he, "for cash." 

"I will give yoo," I sed, "exactly the money we hev, and I can't do 
more than that. How much hev yoo?" 
"Ten bolts." 

"Very good," sed I. "Now, Pollock, I will teH you wat I will do. We 
must hev more money, and we hev no paper to print It on. I will take 
them ten bolts uv wall paper, and I will print five uv em in one dollar bills 
for yoo, to pay for the other five. I don't know how many yards ther is In 
a bolt uv wall paper, but I will spose that eech yard will make a hundred 
bills, ajid tha.t ther Is twenty ya.rds In a bolt. Thus yoo will git two thou- 



The i^JASBT LsTTsms. f^i 

sand dollans for a ten cent bolt uv wall pft.per. Kin yoo dlapcee uy jeot 

stock to better advantag-e?" 

"But wat good will all these dollar bills do me?" wuz his onfeelin asi- 
ser. "I coodent buy another ten bolts uv paper with a car-load uv It." 

I then oft'ere-l to print the five bolts up in two dollar notes, then in 
fives, and finally in twenties, and ez a last resort in hundreds. I showed 
him wat a millionaire he wood be. Five bolts uv wall paper printid up 
in hundred dollar bills wood make him rich, and it wuz within his reach. 
All he hed to do wuz to give me the other five bolts for the yoose uv the 
corporashen. 

I shoodent hev been so liberel, but I hedn't hed a drink for four hours, 
and Bascom hed refoozed likkei* except for down payment, and hed put up 
the price to four times the weight uv the likker, glass and all, in Ave 
ilollar notes. I wuz driven to makin any terms possible. 

The monster wuz, however, inflexible. He laffed me to skom. He re- 
foozed the millyuns I offered him. He sed he wood sell the paper to me at 
ten cents a bolt, cash, or he would even give me credit for the Ave bolts. 

This wuz a gleem uv comfort, and I eagerly accepted it. But he 
crushed me with these crooel words: 

On credit, ef I wood give good secoority. 

Secoority! Wat holler mockery! Wher cood I git secoority? And so I, 
with the meens uv makin milyuns in my hands; wuz redoosed to abject 
poverty for want uv fifty cents to buy the wall-paper onto wich to print 
my milyuns. 

The Corners is prostratld. Bascom hez the millions we hev printed, 
the citizens hevn't a dollar, and we can't git no paper to perdoose more 
currency. Wat we sh^l do I hevn t tne slitest idee. Ef I cood git the 
l.ooisville paper deelers to take our money for more paper, and ef Simpson, 
the printer, wood go on and print it, takin his pay in kind, all wood be well. 
But ez v.'e can't git any, we hev yoosed up all the paper Simpson hed, and 
ez he hezn't got anything to uy any more with except what the cold- 
hartid and mersenary paper-merchants won't take, our case is hard indeed. 
We are rooined, and I spose we shel hev to return to the old kinds uv 
money. But wat will Bascom do with the accommulashen he hez on 
hand? I dread to face him. PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Finanseer. 

MR. NASBY ON THE SOUTHERN ELECTIONS. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky). 

Dec. 1, 1S78. 

The Radikels uv the North are gittin excited over the "Solid South,** 
and are agin commenein to persekoot us uv the former slave States, wich 
made a struggle for our rites, but wuz crushed out by the iron heel uv 
despotism under the tirent Linkin. 

Wat does the North want? That's the question— wat does it demand 
uv us? 

Suppose the South hez sent up a solid Demikratic Congressional delega- 
shun? Suppose there ain't a mizable Radikel from any uv the Southern 
States in Congris? Suppose — but wat's the yoose uv supposin. Does the 
North know how we are fixed? Does the North know that we uv the 
South are livin among a people wich yoosed to furnish us with bread and 
butter, and Summers at Saratogy? Does the North know that the tirent 
Linkin emancipated them people, and put em out from under our control, 



262 Ths Kasbt LKTTaas. 

and thatt they are in condishn to do ez they please? Nay, xxMn^ Does tifca 
North know that them people kin vote, and hev jist ez much to say ab<mt 
polisies and things ez we hev? 

These things shood be considered. The North shood remember that 
we uv the South — I meen the white men — ^are a sensitive people, and we 
hev feelins. We can't git down to the level uv a common man to wunst. 
We hev bin cradled in the lap uv luxvry. We hev bin yoosed to hevin our 
work done for us, and hev bin accustomed to livin by the swet uv other 
people's brows. It is not to be supposed that we kin accept so radikel a 
change ez bein compelled to go to work ourselves, without ai protect. 

We make our protest in our own way. • 

By the result uv the war the nigger wuz given the ballot. All rite, 
lie hez the ballot. We don't beloeve he ought to hev it, but ez the Fif- 
\eenth Amendment gives it to him, we accede. We hate the amendment, 
l»ut ez it is law we yeeld. Wei are law-abidin citizens. An*d so we give to 
the Afrikin his rites, and lay down quietly to him. He kin vote ez much 
as he plaeses, and ez freely ez anybody. Kin the North ask anything 
more? 

Still we hev our way of regulatin wat we consider evils. Here in the 
(!ross-Road3 our method is very simple. 

Joe Bigler and Pollock wuz off buyin a car-load uv mules. They wuz 
not here on elecshun day, and consekently we wuz not in terror uv Bigler's 
revolver, or Pollock's tongue. We knowd they cood not get back In time 
10 vote, or even to marshel the five hundred niggers that hev the franchise 
at these poles. Therefore we perposed to send up a complete and cleen 
Democratic ofRshary from this precinct, and at the same time obey the 
\aw. We respect the law. 

The nigger hez the rite to vote. We understand that and respect it. 
y:<ut there must be limitashurxS. He may vote — the law sez that — but the 
biw don't say how he shel vote. That is for us. We determine that. We 
are the roolin class, and the inferior class must be guided by the superior 
i)delleck that don't like to work. Ef we cood hev trusted the nigger we 
\»ood hev done it, but we coodent. We knowd he hed a predelecshun 
fijr radikelism, and wuz, ez a rod, opposed to appropriashuns. He cood 
not be trusted with the ballot without gidanse. 

Wat did we do? Joe Bigler and Pollock wuz away buyin mules, and 
the niggers were without ther leaders. Then we orgnized. We notified 
em that they shood vote — that we didn't want to interfere with ther rites, 
but that they must vote according to our noshens. We sed to em ez 
follows: 

"Too are entitled to the ballot under the laws. We don't approve uv 
the laws, but they iz laws and we shel respect em. Far be it from us to 
break laws, or in any way interfere in ther proper execooshen. You shel 
vote. Yoo shel exercise the rites uv citizens. Every one uv yoo who 
wants to vote step up. We will give yoo a Dimocratic ticket and yoo shsl 
vote it. Ef yoo refooze to vote that ticket, we shel immediately perceed to 
blow the top uv yoor hed off. We want the utmost freedom uv opiuyun, 
and the ballot box shel be inviolate, porvided yoo vote rite. We shel say 
wat is rite. Now don't go and complane that yoo hev bin refoosed the 
privileges uv an Amerikin citizen." 

The niggers come down and attemptid to vote. We hed shot-guns and 
navy revolvers and stood at the poles. Ez they filed up, we demanded a 
site uv the tikkits they perposed to vote, and ef it wuz our tikkit, it went 



The Nasbt Letters. - 263 

In all rite. Ef It wuz any other tikklt, the presumpshus retch wlch offered 
it bed the top uv his hed blowd off, immejitly, ez a warnin to the others. 
"We coodent stay foolin about, wen our rites wuz involved. 

Uv course, the result wuz a clean Dimocratic vote. Ther wuz no rad- 
ikel tikkits In the box, wich shows that the South hez but one 
sentiment. Watever our views is, they are yoonanimus, 

and that Is all ther Is about it. Let the North look at our 
poll-lists, and the North will &it a cleer idee ez to wat the South reely 
desires. 

I suppose there will be a hov/l al out the fact that there wuz a yoonan- 
imus Dimecratic vote at the Cross-Roads, when it is well known that 
ther© are five hundred niggers in the precinct wich wood vote the Abo- 
lishn, Radikel tikkit. I suppose that it will be made the excoose for an- 
other raid and another demand for violent measures agin the sufferin 
South. Let it be so. Ef the North svpposes that we shel lay still and let 
niggera offset our votes, when we want the Southern war debt paid, and a 
system uv Southern internal improvements inoggeratid, the North is mis- 
taken. The Southern Dimocrat knows how to pertect himself. He obeys 
laws, pervldid the laws run his w^y. 

FBrROLEUM V. NASBT, Statesman. 

ME. NASBY FOEESEES TEOUBLE. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wlch Is In the State uv Kentucky). 
Dec. 10, 1878. 

I foresee trouble. My prophetic sole looks forrerd a year or two. and 
perseeves a cloud a loomin up in the fucher, wich bodes us uv the South 
QO good. 1 foresee a raid wich will be made onto the suffrin South, and 
possibly it may be successful. I foresee a renewal uv the hostilities wich 
led to a fratricidle struggle betwixt the sexshuns in 1861, and possibly 
jore. 

The North is not content wltlr*thing3 ez they are. The North persists 
n bleevin that the rites uv the niggers in the South hez bin violatid, and 
hat they hev bin deprived uv the priviligis of freemen, wich they fotify 
Dy assertin ez a fact that in the Cross-Roads alone 75 niggers were killed 
or insistin upon votin the Republikin tikkit, and that 500 wuz kept" away 
!rom the poles by force. 

At least let the people uv the North hev the truth. Our enemies will 
ind that nothin kin be gained by m ls representashun and false statement. 
I will give the exact facts. 

There wuz only 72 killed, the other three bein merely severely 
J70undid. One uv the woundid may hev died sence, but I am not certin. 

Ther wuzn't five hundred druv away from the poles, the exact number 
«ruz four hundred and ninety-one. 

It is by sich falsehoods that the suffrin South is bein prejoodist. It 
a by means uv sich lies that Congris will be inflooenced agin givin us 
3ich appropriashens ez we desire, and payin the Southern war debt, and 
?enshunin Southern soljers. It is by sich stupenjus lies that the Radi- 
cels hope to elect a President in 1880. 

Neither will the subsidized Radikel press give the troo reasons, or 
iither the philosophy, uv our ackshen in this matter. 

The fact is, we did not deny the rite uv the nigger to vote. No sich 
•bought ever entered our heads. We desired em to vote. We went into 



264 * TuE Nasby Letters. 

Wier settlements and implored em, ez they loved Kentucky, to come and 
deposit ther ballots like freemen. We reminded em that many uv em hed 
the best blood uv Kentucky in ther vanes, that ther wuz those among em 
who cood proudly point to the Bascoms, Gavitts and Pograms ez ther 
ancestors. We askt em to jine us in an effort to save the South from 
hoomiliashen, by sendin up a clean Dimecratio delegashun, and by sich ma 
Joritiea ez wood teech the vandal North that the state wuz a yoonit agin 
ther unholy skeems uv subjoogashen. 

We reminded em that they hed ai ekal interest with us in prookoorin 
approprishuns. "It is troo," we sed to em, "that you will not hev con- 
trax on the ship canal, or on the custom house at the Corners, nor will 
yoo be penshund for servis In the Confedrit army, but the money will 
come here, and ez yoo furnish all the pervishens, we not bein fond uv 
labor. It will git around to yoo In time." 

And we reminded em uv a great many more things. 

They come to the polls on our invitashen four hundred and ninety- 
one, wich wuz a majority. They come unarmed, save with that weapon 
wich is firmer set and stronger than the bayonet, the ballot. To our hor- 
ror we diskivered that every last one uv the black cusses hed Republikin 
tickets and perposed to vote em! 

Uv course this woodn't do. We wantid em to exercise the rite uv suf- 
frage, but they must exercise itez we wantid em to. 

We closed the poles immejitly, till we cood hasten home and git our 
shot-guns and revolvers. Then we opened the poles agin and remon- 
strated with em agin this outrage. We felt that we wuz bein coerced into 
permittin a unholy radikel majority at the Corners, wich hez alluz bin 
Dimekratic, and wich shel alluz be. We told em they shood vote, but 
they must vote the Dimekratic tikkit like free men. Ef they felt they 
coodn't do that they hed better not inflame the Corners and pervoke blood 
by staying around the poles. 

One uv em demandid the rite to vote ez he pleased, when Issaker 
Gavitt, wich is naturally quick, blew the top uv his head off with a 
charge uv buckshot. Hevin tastid blood, a general battoo ensued, in 
wich ninety-two uv em wuz killed, and the rest took to their heels and 
refoozed to vote. 

This Is all ther wuz in the matter. Possibly ther wuz more uv era 
killed than wuz strickly necesary. Possibly killin fifty, or perhaps twenty- 
five wood hev ansered the purpis Jist ez well. Ef so, we are sorry and 
are willin to apologize to the friends uv the deceast. We desire alluz to 
do the proper and manly thing. 

But when we are asked to permit a Republikin majority at the Cor 
ners, we say no! and we alluz say it at the muzzle uv a shot-gun, ef 
needs be, tho we hed ruther not. We wood much prefer that the misgided 
men wood lisen to reason and come Into the Dimekratic fold by peaceful 
meens, but come they must, or suffer the consekences. 

Why look at it. Without hevin a solid South how kin we sekoor the 
speshl appropriashenss wich we must hev? How kin we drive the North 
Into the payment uv our debt, and the penshunin uv our soljers? How kin 
we elect the next President, and run the government in the interest uv 
the South? With a divided delegashun it wood be impossible. Let the 
North think uv our necessities, and we are shoor they will approve 0}d 
ackshen. 

I do Aot know that this simple statement will hev any effeck upoa tW 



TsE NASBr LsxTEES. 265 

besotted Northern press, but It is al wo kin do. Ef we are to be made 
to suffer for protectiii ourselves, the ; so it must be. We at least will die 
liKe heroes. PETROLEUXvI V. NASBT, Statesman (Shot Gun). 

ME. NASJiY HAS AN INVESTIGATION OF HIS OWN. 

Confedrit X Roads, 

t(Wich Is in the State uv Kentucky). 
Dec. 23, 1S78. 
I dont want no Senatorial committee down here. I don't want nobody 
pryln around bringin niggers up to testify ez to wat they Icnow about 
cleckshuns, and votin and sich. Niggers is prejudist, and their mental 
vlshuns is distorted. They don't understand polytix, and hev very dim 
and confoosed notions of relijun. Ther ain't a nigger neer the Corners 
.wlch don't firmly bleeve that the Fifteenth amendment meens that they 
Bhel hev the rite to vote, unfettered and unhampered, and that they hev 
ithe rite to vote ez they please. They can't be made to understand that the 
Booperior Intelligence that lays mostly around Bascom's wuz designed by 
Providence to guide and direct em, and that they ought to be thankful 
that it is here to keer for em. 

To put niggers onto the stand for examinashen is to convict ourselves. 
Ther ain't ez many uv us to swear ez there wuz the momin uv the eleck- 
6hun, but there is enuff. 

That the country shel hev the troo inwardnis uv wat did reely happen 
eleckshun day, I hev alreddy held an examlnashun, and here it is: 

Issaker Gavitt sworn: — Was present at the poles last eleckshun day, 
and hed votid. Come without my double-barreled shot-gun, for did not 
antissipate trouble uv any kind. Hed understood that the niggers lied all 
agreed to vote the strate Dimekratic tikket, in wich case wood ez soon 
they wood vote ez not. Ruther encouraged em. Remember acceptin an 
ln"vitashun to take suthin with one uv em, and wood hev acceptid invita- 
Bhuns with all uv em. Am fast losin the prejoodis wich every white man 
ihez agin color. Hev got so that 1 kin tolerate a nigger, with money, ef 
ih« Is liberal. Two uv em hed votid (them wuz the two Republikin tikkits 
v^ich wuz found in the box) when we diskivered that every one uv era 
hed Republikin tikkits instid uv Dimekratic, and that they perposed to 
vote em. Felt naterally enraged. Dashed the niggers away from the win- 
der and hed the poles closed. Rushed home and got my shot-gun, ez did 
Deekin Pogram. Capt. McPelter and the rest uv us. Immejitly notified 
the niggei-s that this kind uv thing wooden' t do, and that while we desired 
em to exercise ther rites, they must exercise em in accordance with the 
IJees uv the dominant race, and nothin else. Otherwise they coodent ex- 
ercise enL Ther wuz some trouble wich resulted in the killin uv perhaps 
seventy uv em. Can't state exactly how many wuz killed, ez he didn't 
count em. 

Bleeves In President Hayes, espeshelly sence the appintment uv Mos- 
by ez consul to Hong Kong. Thinks it wood be a great measure uv pasi- 
flcashen ef he (Gavitt) cood be appinted to suthin. 

Deekin Pogram testified to about the same thing that Issaker did. 
Wuz willln that the niggers shood vote ef they cood only vote the Dime- 
kratic tikket. Hed overcome the prejoodis every Cawcashun wuz bound to 
btr agin the Inferior race, but shood insist, alluz, that the inferior race 
^■ImxhI bo std<ied a^id directed by the sooperior. Ef the soc^erior rax^ 
WAate to vote tt» ^mekratlc tlkkit, the inferior must 4o Ute ewi e e , a&d Mt 



§66 Thi Kasby LmtTsm, 

on. Otherwise we can't let em vote. We shel Insist on hevln era 
countid in when we make up our Congressional representashun, but we 
must control their vot^. Otlierv-ise the bloatid North wood hev the 
bulge on us. Approves the President's policy, espeshelly his appintment 
uv Mosby ez minister, or vratever it is, to Kong Kong. Nothin so con- 
Blliates the Southern mind ez an appintment. Would like to hev it tried 
on hisself. 

Col. McPelter testified to shootin perhaps seven or eight uv em. 
Bleeved he wuz justified, and appeeled to the Northern sense uv rite. Hed 
^he niggers votid the Republikin tikkit, it wood hev bothered us to elect 
Ahe Dimocratic tikkit, suthin that the Corners alluz hed done, and alluz 
x^xpectid to do. Coodent and woodent stand innov&shuns. Ef the niggers 
vsant to vote, let em vote rite, and ther will be no objeckhuns to it. Other- 
wise we can't permit it. 

I didn't consider it necessary to take any more testimony. But this 
X hed sworn to, before Bascom, who sealed it oflisbelly with the end uv a 
v/hisky glass, and I shel'forrerd it to Blane. I hope it will hev proper 
offeck. I hope the North will see thet we desire to recognize the amend- 
i.ients, and that we are willin to go jist ez fur ez possible. We must, how- 
ever, preserve the integrity uv the old Dimekratic party, and must retane 
our majorities. When this is understood, ther will be no more trouble. 
When the nigger gits into the proper frame uv mind uv votin ez we 
want him to, all the bother will end, anr' ther will be that espeshel kind 
av peece that we desire. Otherwise ther will be more worry and more 
♦ rubble. PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Statesman (Shot Gun). 

KESUMPTION AT THE C0E:NERS. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich Is In the State uv Kentucky). 

Jan. 2, 1879. 

At last the blow hez fallen. The infamous Sherman hez forced re- 
Mvmpshun upon a long-sufferin people wich hez bin in the merciless grasp 
MV the men they borrowed money uv, wich means, to us, finanshel rooin. 
He hez refoosed us more money — he hez turned a deef ear to our appeals 
for onlimited greenbax, a-nd now requires us to come down to a gold basis 
and do biznis as we did in the slow times afore the late onpleasantnis. 

Ther wuz a feelin uv depreslin at the Corners wich wuz painful. The 
Deekin, that sweet old saint, stood over the bar at Bascom's, his time-en- 
feebled hand graspin a glass uv likker, supported on either side by Capt. 
McPelter and Issaker Gavitt, each uv em also graspin a glass uv likker. 

"Resumpshen is upon us,*' sed the Deekin, sighing pitifully, "and we 
Bhel hev to pay gold to the graspin bondholders. Wher is it to end?" 

And then we desided to hold a meetin to wunst, and,at leest, protes* 
agin this infamus perceedin, with the faint hope that the powers at 
Washington mite heed the groans uv an opprest people and let up on em. 
Akkordinly the horn wuz tooted, and in fifteen minits we hed a gatherin 
uv the faithful within them time-honcred walls. The people uv the Cor- 
ners hev plenty uv time to attend meetins, and they are also the most ac- 
complished p£.^sers uv resolooshens that I know uv. 

After lamentin the deprest condishn uv biznis. consekent upon con- 
trakshen, and the utter and entire' rooin that must follow the compellin 
uv us to get down to a gold basis, the follerin resolooshens, prepared by 
me. wuz presentid by myself: 



Thi HAdBT I/STTsas. 267 

Wareas, That feend in human ehape, that too! uv the money power. 
9nd that sucker uv finanshel blood, John Sherman, sekretary uv the Treas 
I'l'V, hez persistently forced contrakshen, and hez wound up his infamua 
career by resoomin; and, 

Wareas, While the Corners wishes to doel fairly by the nashnel cred- 
itors, except in the matter uv paying the nashnel debt; and, 

Wareas, Ef the Corners hed to p ly the nashnel debt, and sich, it 
claims the high privilege uv makin the money it is to be paid in, so that 
It kin accommodate itself to sich circumstances ez may happen to circum- 
stance; therefore be it 

Resolved, That the Corners, In the interest uv opprest labor and lan- 
gishin capital, demands that the order resoomin specie payment be to 
wunst revoked. 

Resolved, That it is the dooty uv the genral government, instid of 
^ittin down to a gold basis, to ishoo money in sich quantities and uv 
^ich a nacher that will make our lots, here in the Corners, worth wat they 
'•yuz at the close uv the war, and make em go ez quick ez they did then. 

Resolved, That the necessity uv the Corners is credit, and that under 
'I he system perposed by the feend Sherman credit is simply impossiblp. 

Resolved, That we want a finansh-l system that will enable us to bor- 
row $5,000 on an acre lot, the vally uv the money bein uv no akkount so 
that it will buy likker. 

Resolved, That the general government, instid uv resoomin speshe 
payment and compellin us to exchange our greenbax for gold, with the 
lyitenshun uv retirin our greenbax, and thereby contractin the vollum uv 
currency, shood keep our greenbax afloat and add to them the gold in 
t;lrkelashen, thus expandin the currency, and givin the Corners plenty uv 
c/ipitle with wich to develop its resources. 

Resolved, That every citizen libera present does sollumly protest agin 
l>ein compelled to take gold for his greenbax, and hereby enters his pro- 
test agin the nefarious skeem, ez bein in the sole interest uv the bl:)atid 
bond-holders uv the East, and agin the horny-handed toilers uv the West. 

I wuz about puttin the resolooshens onto their passage, when Joe 
JPligler arose. That cuss is pizen, and always turns up at the wrong place. 
"I wood sejest," sed Josef,- "that we may be goin too fast. Possibly re- 
i»umpshen is a mere matter uv form and hez no substance into it. I kin 
•understand how Secretary Sherman may adv^ertise to pay out gold for 
legle tenders, in Washinton, without forciu it onto the rest uv the kentry. 
Suppose we put the matter to a test. I wood sejest, therefore, that some 
one uv the groanin capitalists in this house take a dollar legle tender 
note, and go over to the nashnel bank and demand gold for it, and see 
whether they hev been instructed to pay it." 

The proposishen seemed to me to be a fair one. and I called upon 
fiome one to go over and try the experiment. 

Ther wuz a awkerd pause. 

Every member uv the meetin went through the form uv feelin through 
hlg close. But to my intense disgust, ther wuzn't a dollar in the house- 
not a dollar! 

"I pity yoo victims uv a false finanshel polisy from the bottom uv m>; 
heart," sed Josef, sneerinly. "Too hev so much to do with it. Tt must 
worry a man to be compelled to pay in gold, when he never pays in nuthin. 
it must hurt a man to hev to receeve gold for paper, when he hain't got 
tiO paper. Parson, let us put them resolooshens and pass em." 

Uv course, after this hoomiliatin disclosure there wuzn't no yoose in 
passin the resolooshens, and the meetin adjourned sadly, and re-assembled 
at Bascom's. 

But we are jlst ez much opposed to speshe resumpsnen ez ever, for all 
thAt. PETROLEUM V. NASBT. Finanse». 



ME. NASBY INDULGES IN A PEOLONGED GROWU 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich Is In the State uv Kentucky). 
Jan. 18, 1S79. 

This world Is one of disappointments, and jvoe, and troubles, and sich. 
Ef Adam when he et the apple and brot sin into the world intended to 
make his descendants mizable, he did a cleen job, sure. He coodent hev 
Improved upon it, so fur ez the Corners is concerned. 

Resumpshen is a fixed fact, and before the Comers recovered from the 
prostrashen that event caused, there conies to us the terrible nooze that 
Conklin hez bin renojninated for Senator in Noo York, and Butcher Lo- 
gan, in Illinoy. That finishes It. These men are both haters uv the Sun-' 
ny South, are both upholders uv the heresy that a man wich, 
bleeved in secession and sich ain't precisely the man 
to be trusted with reorganizing the country, and they are indelibly 
fixed agin pay in the Southern war debt and penshunin the Southern, 
soljers. 

Why coodent the Republikins uv Illinoy and Noo York hev consiliated us?: 
Why coodent they hev nominated men wich wood hev considered the con- 
dishn uv the South, and bin willin to do suthin toward extingishin the 
flamd that is smolderin all over the South, and is liable at any minnit t; 
bust out into a conflagrashen, the consekences uv wich no one kin 
foresee? 

Wat chance hez the South for restorln her desprit forchoons by levee- 
in the MIssisssip, and the tribootary streems, with sich men in the Senit? 

Wat chance hez the South for glttin back the cost uv the property 
destroyed by the Fedrel soljers, with Logan, a Fedrel gMiral, and Conk- 
lin, a persekooter, in the upper house? 

Wat chance hez our Southern braves wich served under Johnson and 
Hood for penshuns out uv the Fedrel treasury with sich men ez these in 
high posishen? 

These two men are irritants. They are to the Suthern heart wat &. 
mustard plaster is to the Suthern body. I hev red Conklin's speeches, and 
I never did like em. He wuz a Ablishnist, a war man and a persekooter. 

I hev seed Logran. I saw him on a hoss when I wuz a member uv the 
Looisiana Pelikins. I saw him every time I looked back, and I don't 
want no more uv him. Ef the North wants us to be satisfied, to remane 
quiet under our oppresshuns, they don't want to send sich men to the 
Senit It's a insult to the South, and will prolong the bittemis wich is 
not ylt eradicatid. 

Do the Republikins uv Illinoy and Noo York comprehend how this af- 
fex the Corners? 

Do they know that Deekin Pogram hed twelve bosses taken by Joh*) 
Morgan, wich wuz in consekence uv the Comers being invadid by Fed- 
erel troops, while he (Deekin) was sutlerizing in a Confedrit regiment, and 
cood not be at home to pertect his property? 

Do they know that Col. McPelter, while riskin his life with Forrest 
at Fort Filler, lost his distillery, with its contents, by its occupancy by a 
^edrel regiment ? 

Do they know that the advance uv the Federels upon the country, 
about the Comers concentratld a large force uv Confedrits here, wich, 
8i««Md out every hen-ooop and pig-pen for miles around? 



Thk Nasjbt Lktt«r«. 269 

Do they know that after the Confedrlts' force wuz here a week there 
!euzn*t a rale within ten miles uv the Corners? 

Can't they understand that ef the Fedrels hedn't threatened this 
ieckshun thet the Confedrits wooden' t hev bin sent up to perteot us, and 
Lhet our poultry, and mules, and rales» wood hev remaned with us? 

Who is to pay for all this property? The Confedrits? Alas, ther ain't 
no sich. Then who? Clearly, the Fedrel government whose unjustifiable 
movements brought destruckshun upon us. 

The rales went, and ez our laber wuz taken from us by the emancl- 
,shun proclamashen they hev never bin replaced, and our once smilln 
feelds are grown up to underbrush, except wher a nigger hez bought the 
and and works it. 

The hens wuz all killed, and there hez never bin a chickin raised here 
sence. Whenever a chicken pot-pie graces the board uv an old citizen it Is 
a dead sure thing that that citizen wuz out huntin the nite afore, in the 
pigger settlement at Libertyville. 

Nothin but the Inoggerashun uv a system uv improvements by the 
Federel government, and the ishooln uv fiat money to pay for em will 
ever restore the Corners to her original prosperity. Our people are par- 
alj'zed, and hev no hope. 

Hed Noo York and Illinoy electid Republikins uv the consiliatory 
style we shood hev plucked up courage and tried to git through, till they 
cood hev hed a chance to give us releef. But with Conklin and Logan 
vre feel that all is lost, and we she! try to do nothin. A sadder congre- 
i.ashun than we hed in Bascom's last nite I never seed. We wuz all 
•ipeechlis, and the few drinks that wuz ordered was done by signs. 

I wood turn Republikin myself, but it won't do. I tried it once and 
iieerly famished. The Republikins don't drink, and the Dimocrisy wich 
vloes drink ain't got no money to pay for anything more than they want 
«lheirselves. And so, between the two, I go about ez dry as a lime-kiln, 
iind spittin cotton all the time. 

And on the top uv this the radlkels dash our risin hopes by electin 
Conklin and Logan, knowin that them men is not consiliatory, but quite 
the reverse. 

I am willin to welcome death now, at any time. The grim destroyer 
can't come any too soon, for life hez nothin left for me. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, (Disgustid). 

MR NASBY BECOMES INDIGNANT. 

Confedrit X Roads. 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky), 

Jan. 27, 1879. 

The perverseness uv some men Is beyond all human calkalashun, and 
the misforchoons uv the Dimocrisy is suthin wich nothin short uv infinity 
kin calkelate upon. Ther ain't no discipline in the party, but it seems on 
the contrary ez tho every man uv em, from the highest officer down to 
the lowest privit in the ranks, wuz a fitin on his own hook. 

Ther wuz a bill interdoost into Congris remooneratin a Kentuckian, 
t.amed Mitchell, fur cotton seized by Linkln's hirelins, and the proceeds 
uv wich went Into the Fedrel treasury and wuz yoosed to crush the South - 
in its holy struggle for its rites. 

It wuz a very simple case. Mitchell went South at the beginning uv 
the QB|M>17 GfoeaA^ He he4 » P*m or suthin from a Wedr^ ceaerai t« 



270 Thx Nasbt Lcttxrs. 

go South, but when he got there he pi ef erred to stay, and he did stay for 
three yeans. 

Bein a troo Kentuckian, Mitchell went Into the Confedrit servis, ez a 
commissary or suthin uv the sort. That he wuz a troo friend uv the South 
Is evidenced by the fact that he came back alive and wuasn't hung to the 
neerest tree. 

Doorin his absence his cotton wuz remorselessly seezed by Linkin's 
feends, and conflscatid. 

After the South wuz crushed, Mr. Mitchell's wealth bein mostly in 
Confedrit money, he bethought himself uv the cotton. I don't know how 
much cotton v/uz taken, nor is it necessary thet I shood know. I only 
know that he put in a claim for $128,000, enuff to enable him to live in con- 
Biderable comfort, and smooth his pathway to the silent toom. That 
wuz all ther wuz about it. It wuz a case wich appeeled to every Dim- 
ocrat, and it ought to hev gone through the House with a whoop, ez the 
tegiinnin uv consiliashen. 

But before it cum to a vote, a Dimekrat named Bragg, of Wisconsin, 
made a incendiary speech agin it, and to add insult to injoory he gav-« 
the suffrin South notis that sich claims wood be resistid by the Dimocris; 
uv the North, and that ther wood be no earthly yoose in interdoosin sici« 
bills. 

Let me ask Mr. Bragg wat he means? Is he a Dimekrat and does h« 
comprehend the hull dooty uv a Dimekrat? Wat wuz he electid fur? Wat. 
rite hez he to hold a seat in Congris, ez a Dimekrat, and cast his vote 
agin Dimekratic measures? He is insubordinit. He hezn't the tremotisi. 
Idee uv wat his dooty really is. Wat did the South cum back into th«» 
Yoonj'-un fur? 

He sez it will be the enterin wedge for sich appropriashens, till th# 
treasury is bankrupt. Sposn it is? Doesn't Mr. Bragg understand tha^ 
rite here in the Corners we hev clamos agin the gineral government fo» 
more than twice the amount uv Mitchell's beggarly demand? Why, Dee- 
kin Pogram lost twelve mules, and all his fences, and Capt. McPelter his 
distillery with its preshus contence. Is-saker Gavitt sez he lost suthin, 
and ther ain't a citizen uv the Corners but wich diskivered he lied bin 
impoverished by the bloo-kotid hirelins, the very minit it wuz diskivered 
that ther wuz a prospeck uv a Dimekratic House and a Sehit, and conse- 
kent payment uv these claims. 

The effeck on the Corners uv this prospeck uv payment wuz instan • 
taneous and strikin. Ther revived in our breasts a feelin uv devoshim 
to the old flag wich we hedn't felt for yeers. Ther wuz an immejit longin 
to see its folds floatin everywhere, and expreshuns begun to be heerd that 
perhaps the South bed made a mistake, and that the old flag wuz g>>od 
enuff for us. And wat wuz better, jist the second that the payment uv 
these claims wuz considered a shoor thing, Bascom re-established the 
credit system, and in the most generus manner put down on his slate jist 
ez many drinks ez we ordered. When a citizen sed, "Put it down, Bas- 
com," his inquiry wuz: "Hev yoo a clame agin the government?" and ez 
the anser alluz wuz: "Certinly— mules," he put it down cheerful and 
smilin. 

Do yoo know, Mr. Bragg, wat yoor insenjary speech hez dun? It hez 
crushed out yooyunism here, entirely. It hez revived the old feelin uv 
animosity to the Fedrel government, and revived the smolderln discontenC 
that wuz well nigh extlngrulshed. The citizens murmur: "Then the gov 



The ^asby Letters. 271 

emment ain't g-oln to pay me for my mules? D— n the government!" 

Issaker Gavitt sez that ef Bragg, uv Wisconsin, succeeds in blockin 
the paj-ment to him fur the mules that John Morgan took, the hopes uv 
the South for a free government are forever dashed, and that freedom 
may ez well commence her shreek. 

The reedin uv Mr. Bragg's speech hez plunged the Corners into gloom 
from wich it will take months to arouse it. Biznis is deprest, and there 
is genral stagnation. Bascom refoosed credit at his bar, to-wunst, and 
we hev to depend on chance comrnershel travelers from Looisville for wat 
refreshers we git. We sit and sit afore his fire, and wonder ef the time 
will ever come when supplies will be regler, and the worm that dieth not 
In our stummicks will ever be suffishently satiated. All this we owe to 
Bragg, uv Wisconsin. 

I never want to see a Dimekrat electid from a state like Wisconsin. 
They ain't half baked. Wat Bragg shood hev done wuz to vote for that 
clame, and take defeet, when he came up for re-eleckshun, like a man, 
trustin the next Dimekratic President, wich will be under Suthern con- 
trole, to give him a forrun mishun. 

Such Dimekrats must be red out uv the party. We didn't come back 
Into the Yoonyun to pl&,y the second fiddle to the North. Uv the Radi- 
kels North we expect opposishun, but uv the Dimocrisy uv the North, sub 
mishn. Nothin less will anser. The Braggs must either git into their old 
places, or go out among the Ablishnists, wher ther is weepin and wailin 
and gnashin uv teeth. 

The cardinal principles uv the Suthern Dimocrisy is: 

1. Payment uv all clames that any Confedrlt may make on the ginral 
guvernment for property yoosed up doorin the struggle. 

2. Penshunin Suthern soljers, incloodin even sich ez wood like to hev 
gone into the servis, but didn't. 

3. A comperhensive system uv internal improvements wich wood in- 
clood a custom house at the Corners, and the slack-watrin uv Sucker Crik 

Ef Mr. Bragg can't support these trooly oonsiliatory measures, the 
sooner he gits out uv the party the better. We want no sich in our rankt*. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Dimekrat. 

ME. :nasby on the ciphee dispatches. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky). 
Feb. 11, 1879. 

Ther fs no limit to the crooelty uv the Ablishen managers, nun wat- 
ever. Not content with perventin that gilelis reformer. Saml. J. Tilden, from 
buyin the Presidency, they are doin their level best to fasten the attempt 
onto him, and to destroy his chances for another effort in 1880. 

Wat do these men mean? Don't they know that Saml. J. is a quiet, 
gilelis old man, who wuz brought out for the Presidency solely becoz uv 
his many virchoos, and that it wuz sorely agin his will that he wuz 
nominatid at all? Don't they know that doorin that long and hotly con- 
tested campane he lay ez quiet ez a mouse at his neat but not gaudy 
home in Gramercy park, Noo York, payin no attenshun watever to wat 
wuz goin on, but perfeckly content with watever verdick the people shood 
bring in? Don't they know that he knows nothin watever uv poiitikle 
management, but that his interests wuz put into the hands uv his friends. 
who did jist watever they pleased, and that he never knowd nothin wat- 



272 The Nasby Letters. 

ever about It, till the votes wuz countld out, and that he never even so 
Tnuch ez looked at a noosepaper doorin the progress uv the battle? 

The people don't understand Saml. J. Tilden, and they do hi n a i;:- 
joory. He is no manager and no politishen. He is too warm-blood Id, too 
impulsive, and too innocent for the devious ways uv modern poUytix. But 
this isn't generally know^d. His innocence is the coz uv all his tioubles. 
Hevln okkepied prominent posishuns, wich hev come to him entirely uaso- 
lissltid, and becoz uv his strikt integrity, he is surroundid by a gang uv 
unscroopulus men, who yoose him for ther own purposes. He hez a nefew 
—z, man named Pelton — who trades onto his uncle's well known caracter, 
and who gits him into all sorts uv trubbles. It wuz Pelton who did all 
the ralerode wreckin that wuz charged to Tilden's account, and it wuz 
Pelton who wuz the cheef spirit uv the Tweed ring, and ho made all the 
money out uv It. It uzn't Tilden at all, and nobody ever sposed it wuz 
who knowd the good old man. 

In this matter he is in the same fix. When Looisiany, Floridy and Or- 
egon wuz in doubt, the gilelis Tilden sed to hisself, "It is well. Ef them 
states want to vote for Hayes, all rite. I am merely the servant uv th'» 
people, and wat is their will I must be satisfied with. It is all one to me 
I may not be President, but I hev an approvin conshence," and he saddle^' 
his hoss and rode out in Central Park, smilin like the innocent man he in. 

But this wicked Pelton, and the still wickeder Marble, mizzable mea 
that they are to thus trade on the inncsence uv this unsofistakatid oUi 
man, they went to Florida and Oregon, and Looisiana and South Carolina, 
and they offered large sums uv money to buy the electral votes uv them 
states. They never let the gilelis Tilden know nuthin about it, for they 
knowd that ef it wuz ever breathed to him he wood stop it at once, an«^ 
probably cut em all out uv his will. They knowd the integrity uv th** 
old gentleman so well that they were mighty keerful to keep all knowl 
edge uv It from him. 

They hev done all that they kin in the matter to set Mr. Tilden ri&ht, 
A^nd the public ought to be satisfied with It. The biznis wuz all done in hi ; 
parlor, but without his knowledge. While they wuz arrangin the detales he 
wuz bizzy readin his noosepaper and attendin to his other biznis; when 
the buyin up uv the Florida board wuz discussed at his breakfast table he 
was engaged in breakin a soft- bile d egg, and never heerd a word uv it. 
They didn't even dare to ask the gilelis old man for money to carry out 
ther nefarious skeem, wich wood hev shocked him hed he knowd uv it. 
They simply askt him for a check for $200,000, and the innosent old man 
give it to em without dreamin uv the wickid purpus they wuz to yoose it 
for. They telegraphed backerd and foierds for months, but the innosent 
Tilden never knowd nothin about it. tho he paid the bills with money 
wich he sposed wuz goin for charity and sich. 

That this is troo nobody hez any rite to question. Mr. Tilden sez It 
Is troo, and so does Pelton and Marble. They both testify that the old 
man didn't know nothin about the buyin uv the electoral votes, and that 
ef he hed knowd it he wood hev stopped it. I make no 

ioubl that John Morrisey, wuz he alive, wood tes- 

tify to the same thing, and swear to it, on a faro lay-out, wich is why I 
am sorry that eminent statesman and gambler Is dead. His testimony 
wood be valuable now, to inspire confidence in wat Tilden swears to. 

My testimony In this matter ought to hev weight, for I hev no reasoi* 
to like Mr. Tilden. I kin never forget that in the St. Louis conveuishaA 



The Nasbt Lsttbes. 273 

wich nominated him, I only go<. $400 for my Tot« for him, wlch he 
ashoored me wuz the hig-hest ha wuz payin, when I subsequently ascer- 
taned, when it wuz everlastinly too late, that he hed paid ez hig-h ez $2,400 
to delegates uv no more importance than myself. Nor kin I forg-it the 
brootal anser he made to an appeel for money, that it w^uz no yoose to 
put money into Kentuclty wich wuz shoor to go for him anyhow, and 
that he needed all he had for Noo York, wher votes hed to be hed, and 
wher they cost money. Sityooated ez I am with him, my testimony shood 
be reseeved ez amountin to sutliia. 

Ez badly ez he yoosed me, I w^ant him nominated in 1S80, and hence I 
depercate these assaults onto him. I shel know better then 'than I did the 
last time. Ef ther is enuff left uv him to make a candidate, he will hev 
to hev votes, and he will hev to git em ez he did afore, by buyin uv em. 
He won't fool me with any $400 the next time. I shel know my vally, and 
the extent uv his meens too well for that. The next time he will hev to 
pay me wat I am wuth, and ef I don't git enuff to keep me till he comes 
up for re-nominashen agin, I am mistaken. 

But this persekooshun ought to stop and must. Mr. Tilden ought not 
to be made to bear the burdens uv his unscrupulous followers. The wick- 
edness uv a Pelton ought not to be made to obscure the troo goodnis uv a 
Tilden. The good old man sez he didn't know nothin about the attempt 
to buy the electral votes, and the Amerikin people must take his word. 
They hev no rite to crush an lnno^ent old man, wich hez bin 
made the prey uv unc^crupulous men wich he Is so un- 
fortunlt ez to hev about him. Besides I like his style. I want him for 
a candidate in 1880, He hez made ez much money since his fust run ez 
he spent, and will pay jist ez much for the place now ez he did then. He 
is the favorit uv the Crose-Roads. 

PETROI.EUM V. NASBT, Champion uv Imiosense. 

MK. NASBY DEFENDS ME. TILDEN. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is in the State uv Kentucky). 
Feb. 24, 1879. 

The Republican persekooters wlch Is on the track uv that martyrd 
Innosent, Samuel J. Tilden, are dooln a most onnecessarily crooel thing. 
That 'poor old man hez suffered enuff by bein deprived uv the offis to 
wich he wuz electid by votes wich he hed bought and paid for, without be- 
in houndid in this villainous manner. 

To hold that Mr. Samuel J. Tilden knowd anything about them cipher 
dispatches is to hold him up ez a man capable uv takin a posishen irrege- 
lerly prokoored. Samuel is not a man uv that kind. I kin aver that Sam- 
mel J. Tilden didn't know nothin about em. 

I wuz at Tilden's house at the very day Pelton and Marble wuz ther 
arrangin to see that the Presidency wuzn't taken by frod by Hayes. We 
hed bin consultin on the situashen, wich we considered frot with danger. 
It wuz a critikle period in the history uv the guvemment. Here wuz Til- 
den electid, ez we bleeved, and here wuz returnin boards holdin out for 
money. Uv course, bein a Just man, I won't say the Republikin usurpers 
hed offered em money to hold stedfast, but it wuz very plain that they 
woodent come over to us without money, and a good deal uv it, 

Pelton, Marble and the old gentleman hed bin in consultashen before I 
got In; in tax^ th« oons\xltasheii wuz over. Pelton and Marble hed Umi 



carpit-\^^ packed, and a kerrldgr« was at the door to take em to tli* 
train. 

"Good-bye, nevew, good-bye, my stedfast frend, Marble," sed Tllden, 
cheerfully. "I don't know wat yoo are a goin to Floridy and South Kei- 
liny for, but may success attend yoor efforts, watever they niA,y be." 

And he winked a solium wink with his left eye. 

"Unkle," sed Pelton, "uv course yoo don't know wat we ai ^ a goin for, 
nor yoo musn't know; yoo must keep yerself in posishun not only not to 
know, but to swear that yoo don't know." 

And nevew Pelton winked solium ly. 

"Nevew, trust me for that," sed Tilden, "but see that yoo don't fall, no 
matter wat yoor mishn Is. Success Is everything in this life. To fail in 
8^nything is criminal, I taught yoo that, nevew, when yoo wuz a pulin in- 
fant. Wat yoo want is success." 

And Mr. Tilden winked still more sollumly with his lite eye. Mr. Til- 
den kin wink with either eye. 

"Never fear, unkle, never fear. All yoo hev to do is to cash sich drafts 
ez we shell make upon you, and you will be satisfied. We shel require a 
large sum — possibly two or three hundred thousand dollai-s. But no mat- 
ter how large, oash em, and hev confidence into ua. lIToo needn't know 
anything about wat we mean to do, but them drafts will be drawn onto 
the fund from Floridy and South Kerliny.'* And he winked once more, 
this time very solium. 

"It is well, nevew," replied the kind and confidin old gentleman; "I 
hev sich confidence in yoo that I will see that yoo hev all the money yoo 
want and kin yoose. I woodent take the Presidency by any questionable 
means, ez I hev sed a great many times, and above all I woodent yoose 
any money to prokoor it, and I know yoo woodent be an agent in any 
Blch transacshens. Still yoo shel hev a barl full uv it, persoomin that yoo 
&.re a goin to endow skools for the iguorent freedmen with it." 

And he fetched another wink. 

"That is our purpus, unkle, to briiig the prejoodist freedman in close 
*v)njunkshen with his nateral pertecters, the Dimccrisy, and it will cost a 
great deal uv money." 

And all three uv em winked at each other sollumly. 

And they departid gaily, and the result is afore the world. They 
didn't git the electral vote they wantid — wich Mr. Tilden didn't ' know 
nothin about — the yooserper Hayes okkepies the White House, and ther is 
a nigger in th^postoffis at the Corners! 

I insist that Mr. Tilden told the exact trooth when he said he didn't 
know nothin about the cipher dispatches, and that the effort to fasten 
gi>ilty knowledge onto him is vilenis Itself. I know it becoz I can't com- 
prehend how so skillful a purchaser uv men ez he hez alluz shown hisself 
to be shood hev failed ef he hed attei ipted it; and, second, Mr. Sammel J. 
Tilden sez he didn't do it, and that ought to be concloosive. 

Besides all this, he is very angry with his nevew Pelton, for comper- 
misin him in this matter. He hez bin over two yeers §ittin angry at him, 
but he is a man slow to wrath, in wich he is moderashen itself, ez in 
everything else. 

No onprejudist person will ever hold Mr. Tilden gilty. He wuz the vic- 
tim uv nevew Pelton,wich hez alluz 1-d him. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Reformer. 



THB COKNERS UPON THE CHINESE QUESTION. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich Is In the State uv Kentucky). 
March 4. 1879. 

A delegate uv the Anti-Chinese Assosiashen uv San Francisco hez bin 
with us, and hez departid. He organized us into an Anti-Chinese Assosia- 
shen, wich we did all the more redily ez the argymonts he urged agin 
permittin the Chinese to settle among us wuz so exceedinly similar to 
them wich we alluz urged agin lettin the nigger hev his rites. The Cor- 
ners hailed em ez its nateral meat and drink, and we accepted em to- 
Avunst, without question. 

The representative uv the Anti-Chinese society uv San Francisco wuz 
a American citizen named O'Shaughnessy. lie wuz a flooid talker, and a 
s\atesman uv the first water. We called a meetin to reseeve him and hear 
I hfs vews, wich wuz wat he wantid, 

Mr. O'Shaughessy commenst by saying that he cum to us ez an Ameri- 
fc In citizen and an advocate uv the Amerikin Idee. When he left Ireland a 
5 ear ago, and landid in Noo York he to wunst assoomed the highest doo- 
[f uv an Am-erikin by votin the day after he landid, for wich he wuz re- 
>.ardid by being put on the police for-ce uv that city. He hed a repeta- 
rrten ez a speech-maker, and an asso iashen of Amerikins in San Fran- 
f.'sco, hedid by that troo Amerikin, D nnis Karney, sent for him, to assist 
tnem' in resistin the encroachments uv the heathen Chinee, wich wuz over- 
>,^helmin the servant girls uv the Pa-ific coast, by doin washin cheaper 
«nd better than they did it. He to wunst obeyed the call. It wuz his 
<rooty. And beside the pay for speekin wuz better than servin ez a police- 
fiiian, and the work v/uz much easier. 

Mr. O'Shaughessy wuz opposed to the Chinese for several reasons: 

1. They wuz heathen and bleeved in a god wich he didn't. So terrible 
vfuz Mr. O'Shaugnessy's emoshun when dwellin on the heathen aspeck uv 
the question that he told his beads, all the time, and made the sign uv 
i.he cross more than twenty times. He v/ood never consent that heathen 
;ihood rool Ameriky. Ameriky belonged to the Pope uv Rome, and not to 
Joss, wich he wuz informed wuz the title uv the Chinese god. 

2. They never votid. Wat kind uv a citizen is it that combes to this 
kentry, and never organizes clubs, and assooms the rool thereof? Ther hed 
never bin a instance uv a Chinaman askin for a place ez skool commish- 
ner, oi< to be put on to the police force. No Chinaman hed ever bin an al- 
derman, nor hed ever asked for it. 

3. They wuz a sly, underminin people. They took work wherever they 
cood get it, and went about doin it, with a regelarity and pashense that 
wuz disgustin. They never hed tbe manlinis to strike for higher wagis, and 
never sed a word about eight hour laws. He hed knowd em, in his breef 
experience to work twelve and. fifteen hours, and never say a word. 

4. They knowd nothin about the dignity uv labor. He never saw one 
av em in a bar-room, complainin uv bloatid aristocrats, and never see em 
at his meetins where he wuz denouncin the encroachments uv capital agin 
labor. They hev " no sensibilities. 

5. They wuz no yoose to the bar-rooms in San Francisco. The money 
they earn they spend in cloze and things uv that nacher, or hoard It. 
There is 65,000 uv em in San Francis -o alone, and they take the place uv 
66.000 Amerikins from Ballyough. wl:;h wood spend at least 50 cents a dav 



27< ^ffis Kasbt Ls^'SiaA. 

each for the native Ameiikin beverage, whiskey, addin that much to the 
revenoos uv the enlightened bar-keepers wich sent him East. 

6. Ez they don't vote, and never ta.ke no part in ward pollitix, our lib- 
erties is endangered by hevin em her 5. Sich a mass uv heathenism (Mr. 
O'Shaugrhnessy told his beads agin) I3 a blotch onto Amerikin civilizashen 
and can't be endoored. 

We immejitly adopted a series uv resolooshens indorsin Mr. O'Shaugh- 
nessy and his mishn, and took him over to Bascom's, where he imbibed the 
raw likker uv the seckshun till he sunk back into the virchus sleep that 
a great a great Amerikin organir:er only knows. He left the next mornin, 
feelin thet he hed done a proper work In perventin the Heathen Chinee 
from obtalnin a foothold onto this continent. 

I ain't eggsackly shoor tho that we did a good thing in the matter. I 
see great possibilities in these Chinese. Suppose that we, the Dimocrisy, 
shood champion ther cause, and git em into our harnis! Suppose that we 
cood git em to take a part in our pollitix, and cood git em all to be Dimo- 
crats! Suppose that we cood yoose e)n ez we hev the Irish, and cood 
make em do our biddin ez faithfullyl Suppose that we shood give em the 
miner offises ez we alius hev the Irish, and make em the backbone uv our 
organizashen! Suppose tha*: we add Lo the O'Briens the Ah bins, and 
build up a party on that basis! I see a lite! I see all over the kentry a 
Cliinese party, with Joss at the hed uv it, instid uv the Pore, with unlim- 
itid chances uv expansion. I see the little brown man goin to the polls, 
and holdin small places, and control:in ward organizashuns, ani bein con- 
j^idered. Every low element in the country gravitates naterally to the 
Dimocratio party, and why not the Chinese? We hev the Irish, the rum 
mills, and why not the Chinese, and the opium that they are addicted to? 
The Chinaman don't deserve no considerashun, for he is an idiot. Ef 
he hed only knowd how much we wantid him, he wood not be in the 
shape he is to-day. Ef he hed, at the beginnin, refoosed to work and got 
r ateralized, and organized hisself Into ward committees, and made hisself 
felt into pollitix, Mr. Blane wood not hev bin opposin him. Mr. Blane 
wood hev bin biddin for his vote, and wood hev had him in custom housis ■> 
and on the police force, and wood hev insistid onto his bein policeman and 
school commissishner, and wood hev made ez much uv him ez the aver- 
age Irishman. But the poor cuss paid no attention to govemin the coun- 
try, but simply went to work and attendid to it mighty close, and conse- 
kently aint uv any account. 

It ain't to late, however. The Chinaman kin hev a chance yet. We, 
the Dimocrisy, want him, ef he will be reasonable. 

On the whole I don't agree with Mr. Blane. I am uv the opinyun 
that the Chinese shood be allowed to come and to stay, that Is, ef they 
kin be indoosed to take a part In pollytix and act with us. Ef Wan Lee 
shood organize the Chinese In California in the interest uv the Dimocrisy, 
and Bhood vote the Dimekratic tikket, we cood organize ez big a steel ez 
Tweed did In Noo York with the Irteh, and I cood wunst more know wat 
wine tastid like, instid uv the raw whiskey I am compelled to drink here. 
On them condishns I am willin they shel come and stay. But ef they 
contlnyoo, ez they hev done, to grovel, and work, and take no part with 
us, tnen I shel Jine Mr. Blane and Insist that they be compelled to leeve. 
me spectacle uv a furriner which don't control no v/ard eleckshuns is dis- 
gustln to the Dimekratic mind. Ef they do as the Irish do, all right— ef 
not, tney must go. I won't consent to no compQtishn with the back-bone 
uv iJimoortear. PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 

For or a^inst the Chinese, ez the case may W 



t 



Thjs ^asbt Lbxters. 277 



MR NASBY GOES TO SAN FRANCISCO. 



San Francisco, 
(Wich is in the State uv Californy), 
March 10, 1879. 

H*8 a lon^ trip over the vast mountains and stretched out plains that 
lax between Kentucky and the Paciflc, but ez I hed three gallons uv Bas- 
co»%'a wust, wich, with occasional foragin on the other passeng-ers to eke 
out my supply, I managed to git thro tollable. Ez a man hez to drink some 
water to wash the alkali from his throat, he kin git on with less likker 
than ez tho he wuz in his old Kentucky home, where the inhabitants hev 
never yit diskivered any pertikeler yoosQ for water. Immejitly on my ar- 
rival I went to the hed-quarters uv the Anti-Chinese Association uv the 
Tenth ward, and makin myself known to-wuast asked for inform ashen 
ana demandld how I cood be uv servis to em. 

Dinnis O'Shaughnessy sed that he hailed me ez a sturdy helper in the 
great coz uv maintaining the rites uv the oppressed Amerikin, wich wuz 
bein threatened by the hordes uv leprus Chinese wich hed ther hands al- 
ready on the throte uv liberty. He — 

Jist then the sentinel at the door sung out: "Here comes a Johnny," 
and a rush wuz made. A heathen wuz passin with two baskits uv clothes 
on the two ends uv a pole, acrost his shoulder. In a jiffy that heathen 
wuz rollin In the gutter and the close wuz divided among the associashen. 
The Chinaman run ofC yellin: "Lilish man d — d smartee — got clean shlir- 
tee first time In lifee." 

Barney M'Grath offered a resolooshen that Ameriky wuz made for 
Amerikins, which Teddy O'Brien moved to amend by substitutln the word 
"Irishmen," for "Amerikins," wich wuz votid down. Barney sed he hed 
Mn a troo Amerikin ever sence he land id, eight months ago, and he shood 
<(ie one. 

Mr. O'Shaughnessy went on, after this episode. He sed he kept a nate 
itnd convenient likker-grocery, which wuz near the Chinese quarther. He 
hed bin In It ever sence he kim over two years ago, and he hed nevir seen 
i\ Chinaman cross his durestep. They earned a great deal uv money, but 
ttot a cint uv it goes for likker, and that wuz one reason why Amerikin lib- 
erties wuz threatened. Ther wuz another piece uv oppreshn. They cood 
Wash and cook ez well ez any Oirish gurrl that iver kim from the ould 
sod. They wuz low-minded belns who wood sooner wash and cook than 
starve or steal, and they hed taken the places uv more than 30,000 Oirish 
gurrls In 'Frisco. These girls hed brothers to borry uv em; there wuz the 
church to keep up, and how cood it be done with the Chinese in the nateral 
places that belonged to the gurrls? 

"Another uv em comin!" shouted the outside sentinel, his face beamln 
with delight and antlssipashen, as "he selectid a couple uv brick-bats, and 
hurried out uv doors. 

The approachin heathen wuz a mean-sperltid cuss, for the minlt he see 
an able-bodied Amerikin boy with a brick, and heerd his war-cry, "Tare 
an* ouns!" he run ez tho the avengln demon wuz ahind him. We sekoored 
his basklt, however, but he hed delivered his washin, and we grot nothin 
else. 

Wettln his lips out uv tiie A»Bc«iashun bottle, Mr. O'Shaughnessy went 
on. The heathen wuz demorallzln — Chinese religion wuz demorallzln. For 
wun, he'd never hev the temples ur a heathen god set up tn this land. 



278 TBI Kasbt LsnuiL 

Ruther than tolerate this, he'd bate the brains out uv ivery dog uv em 
that landid on this soil. They wuz pizin on Industry. The Chinese wich 
wood laber 15 hours wuz not condoosive to industry — he wuz a heathen 
and wuz death to religion, and he woodent adopt Amerikin customs. 

I never got any more uv Mr. O'Shaughnessy's views for he hed bin 
pullin with grate steadinis and precision at the Assosiashen's bottle, and, 
overcome, he^ settled gradually out uv his chare, and went into that sleep 
wich is only perdoosed by an approving conscience and undilooted likker. 
The vice president, Mr. O'Brien, took the bottle and the chare, till nite, 
When we went to attend a meetin at wich Mr. Dinnis Karney wuz to 
speak, and afterward we made a raid on a number uv Chinese laundry- 
men, killin perhaps a dozen, and confiscatin more clean shirts than I hed 
ever seen in the whole course uv my life. 

The next evenin I went to a meetin uv evangelical Pacific coast Chri>- 
chens, wich met to protest agin the President's veto uv the Chinese hilL 
The prinsipaTspeeker wuz the Rev. Milchisidek Barker, who sed that he 
objectid to the Chinese on purely religious grounds. His ansestors cawaae 
over on the Mayflower, and wat did they come for? For wat did they 
brave the dangers uv the stormy deep, and settle in a Noo England climit, 
with no Boston to mitigate its terrors? It wuz to establish on this virgiD 
sile the everlastin prinsiple uv religus ekality, to permit every man to wor 
ship God accordin to the dictates uv his own conscienc e 

"Ceptin the Chinese!" sung out another brother. 
"They come to establish the equality uv man " 

" 'Ceptin the Chinese!" sung out another brother. 

The Rev. Barker got into sich trubbble that he quit speakln abruptly. 
A Noo Englander alluz spiles things when he gits to talkin practically. 
Them ez come over in the Maj^flower to establish freedom uv conshencft 
don't want to git Into this movement, ontil they forgit wat their ansestors 
come for. In fact they want to git shet uv Plymouth Rock altogether. 
Another brother sot things rite, however, dodgin freedom uv conshenee 
and sich, altogether, and opposin the Chinese simply on the ground thyt 
they wuz heathen and entirely irreligious. The President's veto wi>z 
condemned by a standin vote, after which the doxology wuz sung, and 
the meetin adjourned with prayer. 

I called in a little later at a meetin uv the "Librals," ez they called 
theirselves, wich wantid to expel the Chinese becoz they wuz sich bigotel 
religionists. The speaker remarkt that they worshipped a God, jist the 
same ez the Presbyterians did, and observed religious forms. In this free 
kentry he wantid no more uv religion. The President's veto wuz con- 
demned by a call uv the aujence, and after slngin a song in honor uv Toia 
Paine, the meetin adjourned. 

At the hall uv our assosiashen for the defence uv Amerikin liberties 
agin the Chinee, Mr. Dinnis Karney made a few remarks. He assertld 
that Ameriky wuz espeshly intendid ez the refuge uv the oppressed uv the 
earth, and that he wood die on the platform ruther than hev it desecratid 
by leprus, moon-eyed Mongolians. Mr. McFinnegan follered sayin that he 
didn't know nothin about the Mongolians, but be jabers, ez an Amerikin 
he wood perish sooner than be contaminated by the Chinese. 

Afterward the assosiashen raided a few laundries, and went to ther 
beds happy in the conshusnis uv a dooty dun, and in the possesshn uv a 
dozen cleen shirts and a few women's skirts. 

I po Into the servls uv the orgranisashen to-morrow. aJtematin wiXik 



The Nasbt Lettkrs 279 

Dennis Kamey. The pay Is good, and I kin devote the entire day to the 
bar-rooms, organizin. It is a deliteful callin. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
Defender uv Liberty Agin the Chinese. 
P. S. — My frend Blane will git the vote uv Califomy in the next Re- 
publikin convenshun. shoor. His opposishun to the Chinese hez endeered 
fclm to every nigger-killer on the coast. P. V. N. 

THE ASSOCIATION'S PEOGEESS. 

San Francisco, 
(Wlch Is In the State uv Califomy) 
March 20, 1879. 

The grreat work uv this noble assosiashen progresses splendidly and be- 
yond my wildest antissipashens. The Irish ser\'^ant girls contribit liberal- 
ty. My pay is regler and liberal (ez the pay uv a reformer ought alluz to 
l^e), and I hev more shirts, and stockins, and handkerchers and sich than 
iR ever seed afore, tho them artikles ain't ez essenshel to me ez they air to 
Hhose more accustomed to em. I ain't a bloatid aristocrat, and consekent- 
\y kin git on without these superfluities, tho when they come into my 
i»osseshun I kin utilize em. I am savin the most uv em agin my return to 
Kentucky, when they will do to sell, to supply the actooal necessities uv 
life. 

These latter menshund articles we git entirely uv the dangerous Chi- 
nese. They are heavily engaged in the laundry biznis, thus takin the bred 
vut uv the mouths uv the Irish wimmen, and ther ain't any law here agin 
tifespoilin the heathen. We stashen active and muskeler members uv the 
wociety at corners uv certin streets wher they leen in unconstraned atti- 
toods agin the wall uv the s'loon that okkepies the posishun, and keep their 
«fyes out. Presently a Chinaman is seen to approach, takin a wasliin 
frome, and trottin along in a deep, desinin way, plottin the downfall uv 
Amerikin instooshns. He approaches, little dreamin, ef he is a noo-comer, 
wat is in store for him. He little thinks that noble hearts and watchful 
fyes and brickbats and sich are awaiting for him, and he trots along. Sud- 
clenly the strong hand uv an Amerikin seezes the monster by the tlirote, 
and the Amerikin war-cry, "Be Jabers!" and "Oireland to the rescoo!" is 
heard. 

Stricken dumb with astonishment, the artful heathen sinks to his knees 
and prays for mercy In his outlandish gibberish. Other strrong hands seize 
his baskets, and breaking his bamboo pole over his head, we stalk hawtily 
away — with the cloze. 

It is a struggle between St. Patrick and Confushus — between enlitened 
Chrischanity and heathenism. In the interest uv Chrischanity we ginerally 
kill the heathen with a brick or two, and ef he hez any money we git 
gloriously drunk on it, thus celebratin, in a trooly Chrischen sperit, our 
victory over the blind devotees uv idols and sich. 

The only drawback to this is, the hea,then, ez a rool, hez very little 
money, and shirts and sox and hankerchers and sich hev becum so common 
—ther hevin bin a vigrous raid onto the hosts uv sin lately — that the s'loon 
keepers won't take em for drinks any more, and there is, therefore, occa- 
shunly a thirsty Chrischen. 

Barney O'Shaughnessy stated a grate trooth yisterday. He sed it wuz 
providenshul that the Irish people wuz raised up to preserve Amerikin 
liberties. Dincis O'Hoolahan ruther spiled it. tho. by remarkin that tha 



f^ The Nasbv LmgRg. 

Irish ought to hev somebody's liberties to preserve, ez thay hadn't pre- 
served their own very much, "Ef we can't bate the English," sed Dinnis 
"we kin bust the hay then, and that's something. Hurroo! Ould Irclanc 
furever!" 

I she! stay here ez long ez ther Is a dollar In the treasury. I hev 
short black pipe in the rim uv my hat, I kin smol^ black plug terbackeri 
and I got ez full ez the best uv em on St. Patrick's day. Ez yoo will see, } 
hev changed my name slitely, for obvious reasons. 

MICHAEL. O'NASBY, 
Preserver uv Amerlkin Liberties. 

THE EVEELASTINGLY BOTHERSOME NEGEO. 

Confedrlt X Roads, 
(Wlch Is In the State uv Kentucky), 
April 12, 1879. 

Wd are hevfn trouble with the niggers here, wlch will end, the Lori 
above only knows where. The bother kin be statid in a few words. 

Sich uv the niggers in the vicinity uv the Corners ez don't own theli 
own land— too many uv em do — hev to leese land uv the white citizens 
wlch Is the nateral proprietor uv the soil. Every Kentuckian hez a con- 
soomin desire for the welfare uv the nigger, and that the nigger lessos 
may be happy and contentid, he lets him hev land for, say, $10 an akre ij 
year, the sed land bein wuth about that In fee simple. 

This may be considered exorbitant by the vnthinkln, but It will Iko 
redlly seen that a gentleman can't live and play draw poker, and bet on 
races on anything less. And then it must be taken into account that tiyii 
nigger wuz the sustenance uv the proud Cawcashen afore the war, ax\<! 
we see no reson why he shood not be the same now. 

And to the end that he shel not git too rich it is alluz Incloodid In thi 
leese that the nigger shel buy everything that he eats, drinks and wears 
uv the owner, and that his crops shel be held by him till all these ad- 
vances are paid. 

It is troo that the nigger generally comes out in debt to the proprietoi 
several hundred dollars; but we hev never bin hard onto em. We hev al- 
luz give em the privilege uv workin out what they owed by cuttin cord- 
wood or glttin out ralerode ties. In the winter, wich, considerin we cood 
demand cash, is a conseshun. 

They are an ongrateful people. Deekin 'Pogram let one uv em hev 
twenty akers uv his farm, and the nigger worked it well. He made good 
crops uv corn and potatoes and sich, and . congratulated hisself on the 
prospeck uv livin comfortable doorin the winter. When the time for set- 
tlement come. In the fall, the Deekin took tlie entire crop and demon- 
strated to the ongrateful man that he wuz in debt to him egggackly $20«. 
The nigger coodent understand it, but renewed the lease another yeer, 
payin off $100 uv his det gittin out ralerode ties in the winter. 

This second yeer wuz a tuff one on the Deekin, ez he lost a power' 
uv money at the Looisville races, and consekently in the fall the nigger, 
wuz brot in debt, four hundred dollars. Mirandy Pogram kept the ac- 
counts. 

Now wat does this cussid ongrateful nigger do? Remarkin that It 
struck him that ef he kept on workin the Deekln's land, and worked hard 
and faithfully enuff, he wood, In time, owe more than the nashnel debt,* 
he undertook to leeve for Kansas. 



Tub JSasbt I^sttess. 281 

This wuz an attempt at repuciiashen, and while a white state may 
properly repoodiate Its indebtednis, a nigg-er indi\ijjle kin never be per- 
mitted to do it. We nipt this attempt at swiudlin the Deekin in 
the bud. The nigg-er wuz notified that we mu:^t her 
tiis laber, to the end uv developin the resources uv the kentry, and that 
tie must stay and labor, ez he alluz hed done, and be content, ez he 
shood be. 

Despite this wamln, he did git away to the river, and wuz waitin for a 
aown-bound boat, when he wuz mysteriously shot. Who did the richeous 
let win never be known, but It wuz sed that Issaker Gavitt wuz In that 
Qeighborhood, and that jist after the report, smoke wuz seen to issue 
from the muzzle uv his trusty double-barrelled shot-gun. 

Ez ther ain't only one way that we kin do bi::nis with this people, and 
•z the case T hev cited is about the regler thing, the niggers are disconten- 
lid generally, and aixe all desirous uv gittin away. They murmur. They 
lay that they ain't allowed to vote, that they can't hev any skools, and 
that the-y are robbed uv ther laber, and that ther ain't no redress for em, 
for the courts and sich are agin em. They can't understand that they are 
norally our property anyhow — that we wuz originally robbed uv em by that 
feend 1 mkin, and that we are entitled to ther labor. Wat kin they want 
av skoo«, when the whites uv this seckshun hev got along without em? 
Rz for /-otin, that Is absurd. They hevn't the intelligence. 

The entire colored populashen hev bin notified that they can't go and 
flust 111 e with us, and enjoy here the blessins uv freedom. But they 
eep slJppin off all the time, and there is the doleful prospeck uv the 
'omers becomin a desert for want uv labor. 

I s] ose the radikels uv the North will raise a howl agin this, but we 
lon't J«er. We hev got poseshun uv the Capital, the Northern Dimocrjsy 
lev r& roomed their old poslshun, and we kin smile at their protestashuns. 
Sf w» tet the niggers off this easy they may consider It lucky. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, 
WIch wuz Postmaster, and hopes to be agin. 

HOW THE COENEKS TEEATS FEEEDMEN. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(WIch Is In the State uv Kentucky), 
April 22, 1S79. 

T*« North !s filled with all sorts uv absurd stories uv the treatment 
he Ci/lored citizens are receivin In the South, the desire bein, cleerly, to 
DreJof>dls the North agin the Suthern seckshun wIch wuz crushed in 
in ujiholy croosaide agin its rites, and wich hez never recovered from the 
same. 

It Is espeshly charged that the cussid nigger has no rites in the courts, 
tnd taat when opposed by a proud Kentucky Cawcashen he Is crowded to 
:he wall, without the slitest chance uv his life. To show the utter non- 
jense uv this statement, I give a truthful report uv a case tried afore 
3quar« Pett.us, justice uv the peace for our township. 

Simeon Claghom, ez he calls hisself now, tho he wuz a slave wunst 
IV that sweet and gilelis saint, Deekin Pogram (wich family he resembles 
to a degree that made the late Mrs. Pogram Infooriated whenever she 
law his mother, he heAan the ginoolne Pogram nose), wuz a tenant uv the 
Deekin's, and hez bin for two yeers. He agreed to pay the Deekin $10 a 
feer per akre for the land, and also agreed to buy his eneire supplies ijv 



282" The Nasb^ LettersI 

that libral and Chiischen man. At the end uv the first yeer, the Deekin 
took his entire crop, and brot him In debt suthin like $400, wich the nig- 
ger tried to work out in the winter cuttin and gettin out ralerode ties, 
from the Deekin's wood lot, on wich he hez lived ever sense the crooel 
war deprived him uv his labor. 

The next season the nigger found hisself in debt about $800, and hh 
submitted the matter to Joe Bigler, wich is pizen, and Josef actin ez his 
attorney, come down on the innosent old Deekin with a demand for a 
bill uv Items. Josef demandid that the nigger hev a kerect account uv 
the grain and stuff wich he hed turned over to the Deekin, also a item- 
ized account uv the supplies wich the Deekin hed furnished the nigger, 
that it might be made manifest ez to how the account stood. 

The Deekin wuz enraged. "Why shood not my word be taken agin a 
nigger's?"' he demandid. "I never wuz called upon for anything uv the 
kind afore. It is an outrage!" 

But ez Josef stood afore Squire Pettus for the full amount uv the cropn 
wich the Deekin hed taken, the good old man wuz forst to degrade his- 
self by comin intd court agin a Ethiopian. It wrung his sole, but he sub 
mitted, ez we all hev hed to do sence the Linkin dynasty. 

I helped the Deekin out. The two season's crops footid up $2,000, an/ 
I didn't pay any attention to the Deekin's books. I made out a bill charg,/ 
ing the nigger with $400 worth uv bacon, $600 worth uv flour, $400 worth nn 
mules, and the balance, to make his claim good, in silk dresses for hi-* 
wife, and sich other goods ez sejested theirselves to a fertile imaginasheix. 

That bill I presentid afore the Justis, wich reoeeved it with the gra-* • 
ity uv a grand chancellor. 

The good old Deekin swore to his account ez he hed it made, wich, 
cleerly established the fact that the nigger owed him $1,200. 

The nigger presented another account wich brot the Deekin In delM i 
to him suthin like $600. 

Joe Bigler remarked that the Deekin hed hed his sware, and that the nig 
ger shood be put onto the stand to sware to his statement. 

I protestid. "Is a nigger, a inferior bein, to come into this court, ovei 
wich Justis Is supposed figgeratively, to be hoverin, and hev his tes- 
timony taken agin one uv the proud Cawcashen race?" 

"Square!" exclaimed the Deekin In agony, "am I, a white man, to he^ 
a nigger brot into court to rob me? Ef my bill ain't big enuff to offse> 
hisn and bring him in debt to me, I kin easily amend It. Don't let this 
gross in justis be done!" 

It wuz a critikle and solium moment. On the decision uv Square Pet 
tus hung the fate uv Kentucky. It wuz a soopreme moment. One min 
nit uv Indecision, one minnit faltrin and the white rac€( uv Kentucky lay 
grovelin at the feet uv the inferior Afrikin, and we wuz in chanes furever: 

Square Pettus was, fortunitly, ekal to the emergency. Risin in his 
seet, and stiddying hisself at the desk In front uv him, he sed that he 
knowd the eyes uv Kentucky wuz onto him, and that Kentucky shocd 
never be disappintid. 

"I know suthin uv this case," sed the Square, sippin a sip uv Bas- 
com's best, wich he hed sent over to him in a quart bottle, "afore it come . 
Into court. I Immejitly antissipatid that this plaintiff wood demand to 
be sworn, and that on this joodishel arena the inferior Afrikin and the soo- 
perlor Cawcashun wood meet in final conflict. I prepared myself. I went 
and got a man wich cpod read, and hed him go thro the statoots uv the 



The Kasbt Letters. 283 

state uv Kentucky, passed prior (which es I am Informed means before) 
the late unholy croosade. I found there a statoot wich perhibits the takin 
uv the testimony uv a nigger in a court uv justis, wich this is. It is troo 
that the Federal yusurpashen made other laws, but a Kentuckian don't lec 
ognize that. A Kentucky justis only recognizes his own state, wich is 
sovren. Recogrnizin only Kentucky, spittin onto an abolishn Congress, 
and ignorin everything else, it is the yunanimus decision uv this yere 
court that all Fedrel laws recognizin the rites uv the cussid Afrikin is un 
constitooshnel, and that therefore his testimony cannot be admitted. J 
stand by my state." 

"But my wife never hed a silk dress, nor anythin but a caliko one," 
howled the nigger. 

'It don't make no difference wat yoo say," replied the Justis. "The 
Deekin, wich is a Cawcashun, swares that yoor wife hed four silk dresses 
uv him, and ez yoo can't be allowed to sware at all, ther ain't no testi- 
mony agin hizzen. This is a court uv law, and law is law, ez yoo wili 
find out. Git one white man to sware that yoo never got them dresses, 
and I will consider it." 

"I demand to be put on the stand," sed Joe Bigler. 

"The court can't admit yoor testimony, for yoo are a prejudist witnis." 

Josef laffed and left the court, much to the squire's releef, wich con • 
tinnered: 

"I may say, however, that there may be no misunderstandin, that 1, 
ez a indivrijjle, and not ez a court, will shoot any white cuss that dares to 
come into this court and sware for a nigger." 

And that sturdy old Spartan cocked his double-barreled shot gun, and 
sot down. 

"I may ez well decide the case here and now," sed the square, after a 
moment's thought. "Verdict for the plaintiff, and the constable will im- 
mejitly go for the defendant and make him put up everything he's got for 
the costs." 

The bill uv costs wuz Immejltly made out, and the constable rushed out 
to the mizrable wretch's house, and took wat furniture he hed. 

Now wat did this ongrateful nigger do? Despite the fact that the 
Deekin wantid him to keep rite along, and live in peece and quiet, and 
plant his little farm, and work it thro the season, and reap the harvest, 
that nigger got together some Httle money from the sale uv a mule wicli 
we overlooked, it bein pastered out uv site uv the house, and started tor 
Kansas. He utterly refoosed to stay among his friends and pertectors. 
preferrin to rely upon the cold mercies uv a calkilatin, selfish Northern 
community, rather than trust them ez he hed bin brought up amidst. 

The ongratefulnis uv this people Is suthin beyond understandin. They 
don't know when they are well enufC off, and they never did know who 
their friends wuz. I shall never attempt to do nuthin more for em. They 
don't appreshate us. Over a hundred uv em hev left already, leavin us 
without laber, and more wood f^, ef they cood sell their accumulashens 
wich they bev robbed us uv. 

PBTHOLEUM V. NASBY, Caucashun. . 



2i4 Thi Nasey LBTTsaa. 

THE COKNERS ON THE AEMY BILL. 

Confedrlt X Roa.ds, 
(WIch Is In the State uv Kentucky), 
April 29, 1879. 

TKe Comers Kez more enterprise than eny other pint in the Confedracy. 
We are very prompt to act In political matters, for ez we never plant or 
reap we hev plenty uv time to devote to the kentry. 

The moment the army bill wuz par,sed we met to organize. We don't 
propose to let grass grow under our feet. The only cloud that hez 
hung over the Comers for all the dre iry yeers sence the war is the fear 
of Fedral interference. We wuz actilly afeerd uv that, and consekently 
sum three hundred niggers hev bin allowed to vote here, wich they hev 
done rite reglerly, and, wo is us! they hev votid the radikel tickit with a 
regelarity that is friteful. 

They will do so no more. Now that the bayonits uv Fedrel minyuna 
cannot be yoosed to pertect em, we shel run things in our own way. W« 
shel exercise our rites ez freemen, and shel not permit a. inferior race to oveis 
awe us and pervent that free expression uv opinyun at the poles that la 
the birthright uv every Suthern citizen. 

We met and orgranized to-wunsL The follerin resolooshens wui , 
passed: 

Wareas, The exercise uv the ballot by ignerent niggers uv Afrlkis 
descent — 

Deekin Pogram askt whether all niggers wuzn't uv Afrikin descent? 

Joe Bigler, wich wuz present, sed ef any one wood take an inventory 
uv the niggers in the Comers, he wood diskiver that a great many uv em 
cood clame to belong to the first families uv Kentucky, on one side al 
leest. But I went camly on — 

Is unconstitooshnel, and agin the interest uv the roolin Cawcashun 
race, onless the sed niggers will consent to vote ez the sooperior race die* 
tates; and 

Wareas, The only thing that can give em the ballot is the overshad* 
derin inflooence uv Fedrel bayonits; and 

Wareas, A Dimocratic Congiis hez made It impossible for Fedrel bay- 
onits to interfere to preserve wat they call the peece, releevin us uv that 
incubus. 

Resolved, That the Corners do to-wunst organize itself, to the end uv 
preservin the purity uv the ballot box by excloodin all citizens uv Afrikin 
descent, wich dont vote with the Dlaiocratic party. 

Resolved, To the end uv preservin. the peece, every nigger that cornea 
with a Republikin ticket to the poles shel be allowed jist one minit to 
change his tickit to a etrate Dimekr.atic one, and ef he persists in his ne- 
farious designs, his hed shel be immejitly blowed off in the inteiost uv 
peace and quiet. 

Resolved, That the formashen uv a speshl poleece, armed with double- 
barrelled shot-guns, to pervent the polushen uv the ballot box b^ nigger 
votin, shel be entrustid to Issaker Gavltt, Esq. 

Issaker went at it, and he hed his club enrolled to-wunst. Me hez a 
hundred men, all uv em with shot-guns, wich will patrol (he country on 
next election day, and any nigger that hez not a proper tmkit will either 
change it, or be to-wunst killed-. Daekin Pogram contribb/tid two pounds 
uv powder, and the rest uv the eitiz ns showed ekal zeat and liberality. 

I can't be too happy over this bill. It gives us our rites agin. Ez cltl- 
zena we kin arm ourselves and s^.ttend the poles and kill ez many rad^! 



^Hi Kasbt Lettees. 285 

kels, black and white, ez we choose, but ther can't be no armed posse* 
cum agrxnst us to pervent It. Ef we coed hev dictatid to Congris wat 
they shood hev passed they coodent h;V sooted us better. Ther is now a 
law agin the government barin arm^^ at the poles, but ther 
ain't no law watever agin our doin it. We've got 
em, halleloojyl Ef Hayes don't veto It, we are jist in the posishen we 
want. Ef he does veto it, the cuss uv every troo Southerner wich rallied 
under the stars and bars will foller him thro this world and the next. 

Ef the frodulent President Hayes don't veto this bill, the kentry may 
look for an increest Dimocratic majority from this deestrik, unless these 
unreasonable niggers all manage to get out to Kansas. In that event 
we shel be ez we wood hev bin, only ef they go in consekence uv wat they 
•foolishly call bein deprived uv their rites, the sooperior race will be 
starved out In consekence uv hevin no labor, and we may hev to emigrate 
also. But we hope for the best. Issaker says that with his shot gxm brig- 
ade he thinks he can compel em all to stop, ez he perposes to patrol the 
river banks, and turn all uv em back who want to git away, and forse 
em to resoom labor on sich terms ez we shel dictate. 

Ther ain't nothin like organizashen. By organizashen we compel the 
niggers to stay with us, and also pervent em from votin. Ther is every- 
thing in system. The Comers Is jubilant. This army bill sieves the prob- 
lem uv the age and we are happy. We hev the nigger by the wool, jist 
ez we yoost to hev him, and everything is serene. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Waitin and Hopin. 

A MEETING AT THE CORNEES. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(WIch Is in the State uv Kentucky), 
May 26, 1879. 

The citizens uv the Corners hev bin profoundly moved by the sitooa- 
shen uv things In Washington, and felt called upon to make some expres- 
sion uv their feelins on the toplks that are now agitatin the kentry. 

The Corners felt called upon to express in a public manner that It rec- 
ognizes the result uv the late war, and desires nuthin so muoh ez peece 
and quiet; that it fully recognizes the fact that the nigger (d — n film) is 
free, and entitled to rites; and that the Corners Is trooly loyal to the Gov- 
ernment uv the Yoonitid States. 

I called the meetin at the meetin-house, the scene uv so many demon- 
strations, and a committee uv ladies, headed by Mrs. Bascom, prepared It 
for the solium okkashun. It wuz draped with the flags uv the different 
Confedrit regiments wich wuz raised in this seckshun, and that the prop- 
er excitement mite be perdoosed, 'all the relics uv the war wuz brot out 
and displayed. Deekin Pogram's dawtor Mirandy hed on each side uv the 
r 'Jlpit desk the skulls uv two Federel hireling wich her lover brot from 
Bull Run, illuminated with candles, wich wuz flanked by the thigh bones 
uv several other hirelins wich Capt. McPelter brot from Andersonville. The 
drum wich Issaker Gavitt beet at Fort Pillow wuz draped with a battle 
flag Simon Pettus kerried at the same victory, and other mementoes uv 
the great struggle for liberty uv the South wuz properly displayed. 

The percession filed out uv Bas corn's, the men dressed in Confedrit 
gray, and the wimmen hevin the colors uv the Confedracy in miniatoor 
pinned to their left brests, hedid by a fife and drum, under the stars and 
bans, and playin '^the Bonny Bloo Flaj." 



2M tni ^ASBT tsTTiii. 

Uv course I made the openin speech. I repelled with skom the accusa- 
shun that the South hed any Idee that ther wuz any feelin uv disloyalty 
at the Comers. The Corners wuz defected in its struggle for human rites, 
and the perpetooashen uv Afrikin slavery, and hevin bin defected acceptid 
the sitooashen. The Comers, espeshly, wile it cood never forgit how croo- 
elly it hed binj disappinted in not pre ervi-n its hevin-born rites, wuz ez 
Joyal ez any similar place, and desired to live in peece and harmony with 
ther brethren uv the North. 

Deekin Pogram repelled with sko n the akkusashun that ther wuz any 
<iifference between the two races^ at the Comers. Here peece and quiet 
»-ains, and there hed bin no trouble. Ho knew uv 200 niggers wich w^uz 
v-ery quiet, thanks to the shot-guns uv the intrepid Gavitt and the shival- 
'"ous McPelter. And ef this wretched race persoomed to make any more 
'rouble, ther wuz, thank hevin, still powder and buckshot in the Corners, 
'■ind gallant men who never missed a nigger's head, when they drawd a 
'')ead onto it. The nigger hed learned his place, and he cood ashoor his 
'rends uv the North that he wood never trubble nobody, and that he cood, 
safely be left to the guidance uv his nateral pertectors, his former maB- 
^ers. And then he demandid freedom uv eleckshuns. He wantid em free, 
\z they wuz afore the war, when the citizens uv the Corners cood hang a 
li.blishnist wich offered to vote, without feer uv the interferin uv Fedrel 
bayonits. The South must be free. 

The follerin res»looshens, prepared by myself, wuz then red and 
tdoptid: 

Wareas, Ther is in the North a feelin that the Corners is irritatid, and 
<Mscoritentid, and that ther is a feelin agin the general government, wicb 
A'e feel it our dooty to allay, therefore be it 

Resolved, That the Corners is trooly loyal and entirely in akkord 
vith the Fedrel government and will be alluz, pervidid it kin git its rites. 

Resolved, That these rites are ez f oilers: 

1. The payment uv Suthem war clames, and the penshunin uv Sutherr 
t'oljers. (Cheers.) 

2. The adopshen uv the prinsipple that the Yoonyun is a Confedera 
♦ihun, not a nashun, and the akkordin uv the rite uv each state to remai} 
la or stay out, jist ez it pleases. 

3. That the Yoonyun is a nashun for the purposis uv payin clames, pen • 
shuns and bildin custom housis and sich, but for no other purposis. 

4. No troops shel be yoosed at the poles anywhere in the South, except 
on the call uv a Confednt guvnor, the citizens uv the South bein supplied 
with rifles and shot guns and bein thoroly organized in White Leagues, ' 
bein amply able to take keer of theirselves. 

5. All. ralerodes and canals wich the South shel decide it wants shel be 
bilt by the general government, it bein a nashun ez aforesed, for that 
purpus. 

6. The harbors uv Boston and Noo York shel be filled up at the ex- 
pense uv the general government that the seaboard cities uv the Sur.ny 
South may hev a show for some uv the furrin trade uv the kentry. 

7. That the nigger bein an inferior bein and only understood by us ahel 
be left entirely to our rool and guidance. No more legislashen by the gen- 
eral government— wich for this purpus is not a nashen— on his akkount. 

8. The wipin out uv all the legisla.shen uv the war period, the South 
rot bein in Congris to give its assent, hevin a Congris uv its own at the 
f^me, and the concession on the part uv the North to the South uv the 
oontrole uv the government In full, ez it yoosed to be under Polk, Pierce 
bad Bookannon. 

9. That the tax on distillin likker ahel not be collectid in the Confedrlt 
states, the YoonyTin bein not a nashun for that purpus. 



Id. ¥he Y«to power shel not be yoosed, except by a Suthem President, 
?r a Northern one electid by Suthern votes, wich Is the same thing, It beln 
irooel t® keep us out uv the controle uv the government till 1880. 

Resolved, That ontil these things, one and all, is done, ther kin be no 
harty feelin uv yoonyun, and ef ther is another fratrisidle struggle the 
pesponBibillty rests with them ez denies us these, our reasonable demands. 

The resolooshens wuz adoptid with great cheerin, and the meetin ad- 
M)ume»i. On cur way back to Bascom's we burned a nigger school house, 
tnd I beleeve a nigger oi' two wich we met wuz shot. We are troo to the 
foonyun and entirely peeceful. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Loyalist. 

VIE. NASBY AND HIS FEIENDS DISCUSS THE ARMY BILL. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is In the State uv Kentucky), 
June 2, 1879. 

There wu* a tad meetin at Bascom's, the nite we heerd uv the Presl- 
lent's veto uv the Army bill. A feelin uv gloom pervadid the room, and 
kher wuz a sadnis that wuz painfully vizable on every face. Deekin Po- 
^am hed succeedid in borrerln two dollars uv a Northern vagabond wich 
miz prospectin the Comers with a view uv startin a baggin mill, on Se- 
;esshun Crik, and but for that we shood hev sunk under the 
lew trubble thet hed come upon us. The Deekin is 
Ibral when he hez the means, and managed to keep up, wich 
KQ did for some time, likker bein redoosed now to 
ive cents. Ther wuz forty drinks in that sum, to say nothin uv three 
ounds we got out uv Capt. McPelter, whose credit is not yit eggsaustid. 

"We shel hev a regiment at the poles here next fall," sighed the 
<x>od old man, "and every cussid nigger in Liberty ville will vote, jist the 
oime ez tho they wuz troo Kentuckians." 

"Ain't they troo Kentuckians?" asked Josef Bigler, wich wuz present, 

.X he alluz is when we don't want hm. "Ain't they bom on the soil, and 

iwn't the most uv them hev the best blood uv Kentucky coursin thro ther 

anes? The heft uv em are three-quarters white, and they must hev got 

from Kentuckians, ez none uv their mothers ever left the state." 

We paid no'attenshun to the ribald skoffer. 

"Time wuz," sed Capt. McPelter, "when we hed It In our power to 
ceep a Yankee from votin here, to say nothin uv niggers, wich never 
ireemed uv slch a thing." 

"Ah!" sed Issaker Gavitt, his eye litin up with a momentary enthoosi- 
ism, "I remember In 1859, uv hangin a Yankee skool teacher who insistid 
m votln a Ablishn tikkit. The tree Is still standin, and alliiz shel stand ez 
I momentum uv days forever fled." * 

"We kin stand It," I remarkt, "for we are yoosed to bein ground down 
mder the iron heel uv oppresshn." 

"Never saw any soljers at the poles here," sed Bigler. 

"We are yoost to beln ground down," I continyood, not heedln the in- 
:errupshen; "but alas fer our trends in the North! With soljers at the 
^olee, and with the supervisor system continyood, wat will the Irish in 
^oo York do? Wat will the O'Briens and the O'Shaughnessys, and the 
Josta uv faithful Dimokrats wich vote from momin till nite, do, when a 
Iranikle government interferes with glissnin steel to prevent em? Me^ 
lilnkg I BMi tbe faithful patriot wioh hez votld a dozen times lancrishln 



2ii TuE Nasby LMTiss. 

In a basteel, and for wat? Oh for the days uv Tildeh and Holman, when 
the patriotic impulses uv a Irish citizen run and wuz glorified." 

"It is thunderin bad," sed Joe Bigler, "to think uv a lazy patriot lllce 
Claflin only votin wunst when Teddy O'Brien, wJio puts in a whole dayi 
uv it, hez to be arrestid and basteeled. It is shockin." 

"Wait till another Presidenshel elecshun," sed Bascom; "then the Dim- 
ocrisy will git its rites. There will be no Ablisbnist general in the chare 
to Interpose his veto. Then we shel hev wat we wairt. The Confedrit sol- 
ders will hev ther penshuns, and our clames for property destroyed by th^ 
Linkin's feends will be paid. I see a glorious prospeck!" sed Bascom, his 
eyes litin up very like a prophet's. *'I see Confedrit soljers comin into this 
bar In droves, and eech uv em payin for ther drinks jist afore takin uv em, 
to prevent mistakes. I see the akkounts that yoo hev bin runnin up doorin 
all these dark days balanced, and the money in the till. I see the credit 
system for drinks abolished and the Corner's come back to cash on the 
nale, and no tick. I see — *' 

"Yes," sed I, being suddenly prophetised, "I see armies uv men em-^ 
ployed In dredgin out Secession Crik, to make it navigable. I see a cus- 
tom house ez big ez that uv Noo York agoin up in the Corners, I see the 
Suthem Pacific ralerode bilt, and I see a plank rode from here to Seces- 
sionville, with other internal improvements, too tejus to menshun, and 
©very one uv em at the expense uv the nashnel government, wich for the 
purpose only uv Suthem improvements is a nashun. And ez the North 
pays about nlneteen-twentieths uv the taxis, there is where we shel hev 
our revenge. The North will pay and the South will reap the benefit uv 
it. Little did the North know wat It wuz a doin when it took us back." 

"And I see," sed Issaker Gavitt, "the South in full control uv the gov- 
ernment to do ez it pleases with it. I see the Northern Dimocrisy in their 
proper place, askin us umbly wat we want. I see a Congris uv Southern 
brigadeers— I see Northern Congrismen apologisin for assistin in raisin 
troops to conker us, and brlngin forth froots meet for repentance by giv- 
In us everything we ask for. I see the Suthern soljer on a level with the 
Fedrel soljer, and a leetle ahed. I see the bloo takin orf its hat to the 
gray, and I see Dekorashen day in the North abolished, tho for one, bein 
penerus, I am willin, ef they want to dekorate the graves uv ther ded, 
they may, ef they will do It in the nite, without any moosic, or parade, 
wich Is offensive to us. I see — " 

"I am goin into the prophet biznls," sed Joe Bigler, "only I am goin to 
prophesy backerds, wich is the safest. I see a Dimekratlc party wich got 
Into power by aksident, and hedn't sense enuff to keep its hold. I see a 
Bet uv unconscionable asses in the South who supose that the North, wich 
eggregiously whaled us wunst, ain't jist ez ready to do it agin. I see a 
seckshun uv kentry popelated by a klass uv people wich don't know klnd- 
nis and mercy when they see it, and wich mistekes clemency for cow- 
ardis. And to take a handspring into the futur, I see an eleckshun in Ohio 
this fall, wich will clene out the Dirnocrisy completely and pave the way 
for the eleckshun uv Grant In 1880, with a Congris behind him wich will 
take mity good care that the South will git jist wat she deserves and no 
more. I see the prinsiple uv States' rites squelched, and the old Federel 
Idee more firmly established than ever. I see the Corners remainin jist 
ez it is, onless the citizens exchange Bascom's bar for their corn-feelds. 
and git to considerin a skool-house ez uv more importance than a quarter 
race-track. I see the niggers gittin out uv here, ajid leevin the keutry 



The Xasby Lettemw 289 

»rIthout labor, becoz the white citizens hevn't got sense enuff to rec- 
ognize the fact that they are men, and give em the rites that blong to em. 
I see — but wat's the yoose. Too never learn anything or forgit anything." 
And after this depressin peece uv prophesy, Josef rolled off with the 
remark that we wood find that he wuz a troo prophet. Perhaps he la. 
But I got all I wantid to drink for an hour or two. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Depreaat. 

MR. MASBY IN WASHINGTON. 

Washington, 
CWich Is In the Deestrik of Columby), 

Joon 7, 1870. 

It's a long time sence I trod the streets uv the Fedrel City. Ef I re- 
member arite I hevn't bin here sence the saintid Johnson's time, when I 
reseeved from the hands uv that gllelis patriot my commishun ez Post- 
master at the Cross-Roads, wich wuz ruthlessly torn from me by that 
militaiy tirant. Grant. It hez changed much, and, I thank hevin, for the 
Detter. 

Washington hez bin attacked by the Confedrits at two different periods. 
From 1861 to 1865 they failed to possess it, but ther second invashun wuz 
r.'ore successful. They hev it now. In the Capitol wich is the nashen's 
pride, I see ez many military men in posseshen ez ever, but thank the 
Lord they ain't the same kind. The "gol-darn" uv the Northern man is 
heerd no more, and in its place my eers is delited with the more familyer 
"dog-gon" uv the Sunny South. No more is my feelins aggravatid by 
iseein the tall man from Maine — the hatchet-faced Rhode Islander or the 
»«tout Pennsylvanyan in the Capitol holdin ofHs. They are gone, and the 
swarthy Southerner fills ther places and draws their sala,ries. 

There are one-armed and one-iegged Northern soljers enuff here, but 
they are walk in the streets. They ain't in place no more, 'ceptin those 
wich is in the departments controlled by the minyuns uv Hayes, and 
thank Hevin, when we elect a Dimecratic President in 1880, we'll cleen 
em out. Ef the Confedracy can't controle by the bullet. It will by the 
ballot. 

I wuz never more encuridged In my life. The bar room is crowded with 
Southern patriots, and they are now in favor. It filled my eyes with teers 
to reed a petition for the appointment' uv a Georgia man to a position un- 
der the clerk uv the Senit. I've seen them petitions afore. They used to 
reed that the party named hed lost a leg at Gettysburg and an eye at 
Fair Oaks whiTb gallantly carrying the S.tars and Stripes in defence uv the 
Fedrel government. They reed quite differently now. They all set forth 
that the petitioner lost his legs or aims or eyes, ez the case may be, in 
carryin the Stars and Bars in defense uv the Confedracy, and that his 
saciifice for the South entitled him to recognition. 

I wu^ amused at one Dimekrat from the interior uv Injeany wich 
hedn't heerd uv the change. He in a moment uv insanity forgot his party 
obligations and volunteered in the Fedrel army. He come on here with 
one leg and his honorable discharge from the ser-vis, to g-et a place. 

He wuz sternly rebookt, and very quickly made to know that he pinted 
bis rifle the wrong way to hope for a place in Washington. The posishen 
he wuz after wuz given to one uv the heroic men who fought at Fort Pil- 
low. He may git a place after sufflshent repentence, but I doubt it. 

I am wunst more happy. The Confederacy ts a success after ^ Wf 



890 ThB NASBT liXTTSBS. 

rtiel carry Ohio this fall, and that makes a Dimekrat President !n 1S80 
Then — ^but the prospeck is too gorgus to think about. Oh, how I long foi 
the day to come! 

"Fly swiftly round, ye wlieels uv time. 
And bring tho welcome day." 

PETROLEUM V. NASBT, 

THB DOLEFUL HISTOKY OF CAPT. McPELTER 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is In the State uv Kentucky), 
Joon 26, 1879. 

Capt. McPelter Is on the fence. He isn't certin whether it is his dootj 
to go over into Ohio at the ensooin eleckshun, and repeet for Ewing, oi 
the actooal Nashnel candidate Piatt. He is in doubt becoz he can't mak* 
up his mind wich wood most further the grate coz uv cnlimitid men ay 
to wich he is devotid hart and sole. Watever other prinniples the captii 
may be shaky on, he is ez firm ez a rock on this, and when the circum 
stances uv the case is taken into akkount, I can't blame him. 

At the close uv the late onpleasantnis Captain McPelter wuz a rooine< 
man. The feend Linkin hed emansipatid his niggers, wich ieft him witt*" 
out laber, and consekently he never raised no crops. John Morgan he< 
capcherd his mules, while the Captin wuz in the Confedrit army, and i 
tyrant government refoosed to pay him a cent for them, becoz, forsootl 
a Confedrit commander confiscatid his property, and becoz he wuz in tb< 
Confedrit servis. He wuz left with a thousand akers uv land jist ou 
uv the village, wich wuz worth say $5 a aker. 

But that land, wich wuz his rooin, become his salvashen. The floo4 
uv greenbax wich poured over the land irrigatid the Cross-Roads. Ez e"v 
erybody hed his pokkits full uv greenbax in the North they cum Soutl 
to invest it. Ther wuz a helthy v/ildnis in the air for them ez hed land 
It is troo, there wuzn't any actooal call for any more people at the Cross 
Roads than wat wuz there already. Ther wuzn't no new factries startesi 
nor no new industries developed, wich wood support people, and n^boddj 
hed the disposishun to start new enterprises, for ther wuz so muck 
money to be made in spekilatin in reel estate. 

The Captin wuz supprised one day at bein offered $10 a aker for h* 
land. He wuz too dumb-foundid to sell, and before he rekovered he wuj 
offered $20. Then he opened his eyes. He saw a way to make up fot 
his losses. He refoosed to sell, and imejitly follered the example uv thei» 
ez hed bought, and laid it out into "McPelter's First Addishn to C^onfedri 
Cross-Roads." He borrered money to grade streets, and to plant shad* 
trees, to make the addishn attractive, and then he commenst to sell lot» 

They went off like hot cakes. People wood buy em, and pay $600 l 
piece, payin down $10, and givin a mortgage on em for the odd $590, paj'-i 
able in one, two and three years, with interest. Then they wood turn 
around and sell em for $1,000, taking $20 down, with the same terms, anci 
80 on. 

It wuz a gorgus time. Capt. McPelter hed to buy a safe, wich he die 
on credit, to hold his sekoorities. That thousand akers uv land netted hiit 
neerly a quarter uv a million, and the down payments kept him in com 
fort Bein rich, Mrs. McPelter hot herself silk dresses (on credit), and th« 
Captin set up a pair uv horses and a kerridge. wich he hot (on credit), 9fiA\ 



The Kasby Lsttsss. 29i 

he rebllt his house (on credit), makln it a elegant mansion for an opulen"^ 
Amerikin gentleman. 

Not bein satisfied with the wealth he hed akkoomulated, in notes anO 
mortgugis on his own land, the Captain embarkt In wider spekelashena,. 
He went a mile or two beyond his own land, and hot all he coed buy ai 
$1,000 a aker, and laid them out. The cows wuz turned off that land, au't 
surveyors surveyed, warin injy rubber boots ez perteckshun agin rattle- 
snakes. And McPelter's Second and Third Addishun to the Cross-Iloads 
•wuz throwed into the markit. 

Ez it wuz with McPelter so it wuz with pretty much everybody else. 
The guverment wuz isshooin greenbax by the milyun, and people speki- 
lated. In them days yoo coodn't buy a rusty nale but wat j'^oo cood sell 
it next momin at a advance of 3 or 4 hundred per cent. We wuz happy, 
for everybody hed credit, and things wuz a boomin. 

But ther cum a.n end to it. Everybody hed lots to sell, but when the 
guvernment cum ^o begin to pay its clebts, a.nd to stop ishooin its mil- 
yuns a day, nobody wantid em. Deekin Pogram wantid to know uv Capt. 
McPelter what wuz the yoose uv askin $600 for a quarter uv an akcr uv 
ground, wich wuz only worth $5 a aker, onless people cum to live on it. 
wich they wuzn't doin to any alarmin degree. Then Sherman kept on 
payin the nashnel debt, ther wuzn't no yoose fur the Captin's ground fo<: 
dwellin purposes, and so little by little his spekilashens went under. Ther i 
ez hed his lots on credit, didn't pay for em, but them uv whom he hed be t 
kerridges, hoses, and silk gowns, and sich, come down on him, and he Sa 
to-day a cleened out man. 

"Wat Capt. McPelter demandid Is a stoppage uv all this rooinous polio f 
wich hez put his lands back into its original status ez cow pasters. He 
holds the government responsible for his failyoor. He sez: 

"Ef the government hed kept on ishooin greenbax, several milyuns a. 
day, and not attemptid to pay the nashnel debt at all, it wood liev bin di'^ 
ferent. The government hez rooined me. I wuz a sellin my cow-pastei « 
for city lots, till the feend Sherman contractid. I demand," sez Capt. Mt - 
Pelter, "that the ishoo uv greenbax be immejitly resoomed. A 
greenback costs the government nothin, and ef enuff u i 
era are ishood, my lands will agin sell for city lots. Ef enuff u -r 
em are ishood the quarter uv a million uv mortgages wich I hold will be 
paid, and then—'* 

"And then wat?'* asked Joe Bigler. 

"And then," resoomed the Captin, "I kin realize and retire with a con) • 
petency.** 

"Wich means,'* sed Josef, "that yoo will onload yoor cow pasters on 
the next generation uv idiots, and git out from under in time to save yooi*- 
self, wich yoo wuzn't smart enuff to do the last time. Isn't that about 
the size uv it?" 

"I shood convert my sekooritles into Yoonitid States bonds, I suppose." 

"And then," sed Josef, " 'spose the parties to wich yoo sell shood in- 
sist that the government shood keep on ishooin green-bax that they mite 
save theirselves by unloadin their land on the next batch uv fools, wat 
»TOod yoor Yoonitid States bonds be wuth? It kinder strikes me that ez 
ong ez the biznis uv the Crc^s-Roads only demands a popelashen uv three 
lunderd and fifty, yoo don't actilly need city-lots for a popelashen uv a 
lunderd thousand, and that ef yoo git the hundred thousand price in a 
'iliac:* uv three hunderd and fifty, ^ther yoor buyers are asses, or the 



293 The Nasby JLsTTisaa, 

money they pay ain't gt)od for nothln. In the end somebody hez grot t 
be bit, and ez the end hez^got to come sometime, I don't see why this isn' 
ez good a time ez cood be. Too hed the benefit uv the rise— yoo dresse 
In purple and fine linen while it lastid, and why shoodent you take th 
loss uv the decline? It's easy enuff to call a cow paster city lots, bu 
yoo hev a city somewhere in the vicinity to make em city lots, actillj 
Ef yoo want to be very rich yoo kin mark up $10 land to $1,000, and cor 
sider yourself ez bein opulent, but yoo want to sell it for that, and gl 
paid in suthin that will buy suthin else. Captain, yoor land is wuth jis 
ez much now ez it ever wuz." 

"Josef," sed McPelter, "you don't know nothln about finance. Ther 1 
no reason why the government shood not print ez much money ez th 
■wants uv the people require, and I require — " 

The bold Captin wood hev continyood his disquisishun, but seein th 
sheriff comin in the front door, with a writ on account uv the bosses an 
kerridge his wife hed bin ridin in, he deemed It expedient to git out th 
back way, ex suddin ez he cood. ' i 

I agree with the Captin. Wat we want Is an onlimitld ishoo uv papc 
money, that every man in the Comers kin git all that his wants reqwlr- 
I don't want the government to go around and give everybody wat mone 
he or she thinks they need, but I want it expendid on necessary work 
We want a custom house here, we want Seceshun Crik made navigabl' 
end we want a guverment ralerode to connect with the main line to Looij 
ville, that freight on our likker may be redoost, and these improvemeni 
wood be sufRshent to put two or three milyuns into cirkelashen. Ef tt 
rest uv the South claim ez much, and git it, the vollum uv currency wi 
be swelled to wat we reqwire, and Capt. McPelter's lots will agin he^ 
some valyoo. 

I know not wat Capt. McPelter may do, but I she! heeve my inflooenc 
In favor uv anybody wich is in favor uv these measures, alluz incloodl 
the payment uv Southern clames and penshunin Southern soljers. Hevi 
served in the Looisiana Pelikins, I must insist on these two measures, 
ruther think the good old Dimekratic party is good enuff for sich ez ra< 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Finanseer. 

THE SAD HISTOEY OF ME. SAMUEL POPMAN, DEUGGISI 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich !s In the State uv Kentucky), 

July 1, 1879. 

The most Intense Greenbacker we hev in the Corners is Samyoo< 
Popman, the drugger at Secessicnville. Popman does nothin from morni 
till nite but devise finanshel skeems for the payment uv the nashnel deb 
wich, ez he hezn't never bin able to pay any uv his own, he is entirel 
competent to do. The history uv Sam. Popman Is one uv the saddet 
that hez grown out uv Sherman's crooel polisy. 

In 1861 Sam Popman wuz a drugger at Seseshunville, hevlly in deb 
He owed for his stock uv drugs, and he owed for the cloze his wife wor 
and also for them wich adorned his person. So desprit wuz Samvooel' 
forchoons, in consekence uv his predilecshun for boss races and dra.w p<; 
ker, and sich, that he serously contemplatid skippin to Texas, and en 
barkin in the generally poplar and alius profitable biznis uv steelin hos« 
on the Mexikin border. 

The Infiashen uv the currency consekent upon the expenses uv tl> 



The Kasbf Letteks^ 293 

ar chang-ed Samyooel's career. He found his stock uv dru^TS rotn up 25 
er cent a day. Jollop wlch he owed for at the rate uv six cents a pound 
lot up to 20, to 30, to 50, to anything he chose to ask for it, and it kept 
lootin up and up till the little stock he hed uv $5,000 wuz wuth $50,000, 
nd no matter wat he bot, it went up on his hands, and Samyooel found 
isself wuth a $100,000 in no time. 

Uv course Samyooel to-wunst commenst to live in a style commensur- 
te with his increesed means. He went and bilt an addishn to his house, 
uttin on two wings and an extenshun back, bildin in fact completely 
round the old house, and puttin another story on the top. Then 
Is wife immejitly got two hired girls, and his two 
awters wuz sent to a seminiry in Looisville. Samyooel for his 
wn pleasure invested In a fast trottin horse and jined the Kentucky club 
I Looisville, and played poker ez much ez he pleased, and he pleased to do 
good deel uv it. It didn't make a partikle uv difference, for every dol- 
r uv goods he bot doubled on his hands every day or two. Mrs. Popman 
(.terly refoosed to do any work uv any kind, and spent the heft uv her 
me tryin on dresses, wich she bot In Looisville, and takin excursions to 
lat city, to wear em. It wuz rather a gorgiis time for the Popmans. 

In 1873 Samyooel diskivered there wuz a change. The war hed bin 
rer some time, and the debt wich it hed cost hed to be paid. Samyooel 
idn't see sny necessity for pay in it at all. Samyooel hed lived out all 
le profits he hed made by the raise in the. valyoo uv his goods, and hed 
3ne hevy Into reel estate. He hed bot a large amount uv lands, wich 
5d bin goin up jist the same as drugs, and hed bot em all on credit, 
e hedn't made any down payments, but in place uv actooal 
oney down on his noo purchlsis, he hed given mort- 
3.gis on the property bot, and also on his house and store, and sich 
her real and personal property ez he hed. It worried him. 

Ez the kentry, under Sherman's rooinous polisy, began to git down to 
gold basis, drugs begun to drop 10 per cent a day, instid uv risin 2^0, and 
«1 estate commenst to f oiler drugs and sich, with friteful accooracy. 
he land wich he hed agreed to pay $1,000 a aker for, he coodent sell for 
5, owing to the fact that noTjody wantid it, and the quinine he hed paid 
a ounce fur, dropped to $2.25. Consekently Samyooel wuz fust to succom, 
id he wuz scooped. 

The other drugger in Secessionville wuz another kind uv a man. He 
ceptid the raise on his stock doorin the war period in a Chrischen sperit 
V thankfulness, and hived, ^ very keerfully, all the money it made him. He 
ved in the same old house thro it all; hie wife continnered, in a Chris- 
len way, to bake her own buckwheat cakes and do her own washin, and 
9 sot his face like a flint agin fast bosses and expensive likkers. And 
lis wuz wat worried Samyooel. When the turn cum, his opposishun hed 
enty uv money in bank, and he marked down his goods with the same 
lildlike and Chrischen sperit that in 1862 he marked em up. He sed to 
sself. "I hed the benefit uv the rise — I will take the consekences uv the 
11, blessed be the name uv the Lord," and he went right along, and con- 
nnered to do biznis and prosper while the sheriff wuz closin out Sara- 
>oel. The other drugger never howled about hard times. 

Samyooel Popman firmly believes that he wuz destroyed by Sherman, 
ad I agreed with him. Hed Sherman gone on ishooin twenty milyuns uv 
"eenbax a day, and payin em out, for bosses and mules and army sup- 
ies, the greenbax wood hev continnerd to go up, and so wood Samyooel's 



Z9i The Habby LETTsas. 

#rugs and his out-lots. And as all Samyooel's drvgs hed to do In them 
halcyon days wuz to mark up the prices uv his g-oods every mornin, he 
oeod hev continnered to keep his fast hoss, and Mrs. Samyooel cood hev 
«ontinnered to live in Looisville, and hot satin dresses. Mr. Samyooe] 
fefela it keenly. In the time before the prosperus days he wuz contentid 
^ith sod-corn whisky and stogy segars, but his appetite got attooned to 
(dihampane and Havannas, and he finds it exceedingly diffikult to go back 
^ the simple arcadian habits uv former times. Mrs. Samyooel hez got' 
Her hand out in cookin and sich, and she utterly refooses to go 
back to the habits uv the old times, and consekently ther is trubble in 
t*« Popman household. The dawters hev bin brot home from the sem- 
inary at Looisville, and they cast contoocnely on ther father, wich 
)iezn't meens to keep em in the luxury they hev bin for ten yeers accus- 
tomed to. 

This Is only one case In a thousand here. Whene'er 1 take my walks 
abroad I see men bustid, and leenln agin lamp-posts, moanin and wringin 
rheir hands in despair. They hev paater-lots wich they cut up into city, 
)ots, wich are gradooally growin up into huckleberry pasters, and won't 
• ell for nothin. They took to their old places uv biznis, wher they used to 
»hlrp cheerfully ez they marked up the price uv ther goods, and wher they 
rhot nothin uv takin a ten-dollar note every day for likker and cigars, be- 
«oz they cood afford it, and they see other men in poseshun workin nitei 
«nd day to support their families In comfort, and these men lay their roolnl 
f't Sherman, ez I do. 

It Is a crooel outrage. It costs the government nothin to print money, 
aad ther is no reason why it shood not hev kep on printin currency. Whati 
!»• a government for? It is for the people? Is not Samyooel Popman one' 
nv the people? Then why shood the government cultivate a taste in 
Samyooel Popman for fast bosses and shampane, and then, jist for the 
sake uv payin off a debt, contract the currency and rooin him? 

The other drugger at Secessionville remarkt that ef Samyooel hed 
saved the money h-e made by inflash an he wood hev bin safe agin the ef- 
fect uv contrackshun. But that hed no sense Into it. Inflashun 
shood hev bin perpetooal. When a temperance man sez to me that he 
wood like to get drunk uv a nite, only for the reackshun that follows 
when he gits sober, I alluz remark that the troo safe-guard agin that is 
never to hev no reackshun — to keep drunk all the time. The prinsiple I 
foller as to likker is the one I wood hev adoptid In finance. To avoid the 
reackshun that follers inflashun, I Blaood never stop it. Keep on inflatin. 
John Sherman don't understand finance at all. 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, Troo Finanseer. 

THE EXPEKIEKCE OF PETEE PEGGOTY, STOEEKEEPEK. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(Wich is In the State uv Kentucky), 
July 10, 1879. 
I met yesterday Mr. Peter Peggoty, a merchant, or ruther a ex-mer- 
chant, uv Davisville, a adjoinin village, from whom, in the halcyon days 
eiv yore, it wuz no trouble for me watever to borrer sich sums uv money 
9Z my wants required. I struck him wunst in 1873 for ez much ez $18.75. 
I alluz make It a pint to borrer odd sums,they bein jist the amount I 
find necessary to meet sum obligashen. It looks biznis like, for ef a man 
mea "twenty," In round numbers, the impresshn that he is a mere mercea- 



The Nasby Letters, 295 

try borrerer, alltiz obtanes, and makes the operashun more difficult. It 
nakes a great difference whether you step into a man's store leisurely, and 
?ay, "Peg^oty, old feller, lend me a twenty!" or whether yoo rush in with 
I paper in yoor hand, and say, all out uv breath, "Mr. Peggoty, I wuz a 
)assin thro and I met a man to whom I owe $18.75, and I am extremel/ 
mxus to pay him, and I hevn't a cent about me, will yoo oblige me wit^i 
hat amount until I git home?" Too only loose $1.25, and yoor chances 

IV gittin it are trebled. 
But this is a digreshun. I beleeve I am gittin garrulus in my old age, 

)ut then soljers love to "sholder crutches and show how feelds wuz 
?on." 

Mr. Peggoty commenst biznls In 1863, with no capital at all ceptln 
200 wich his wife inherited from a aunt wich opportoonly deceest. In the^i 
lays credit wuz easily prokoored. The kentry wuz prosperus. The gov/- 
mment wuz a payin out milyuns every day, and oats wuz a dollar t«> 
[lore, cotton wuz any price yoo chose to ask for It, wheat wuz S2.50 4 
ushel, and a spavined horse wuz wuth, for the army, anywhere from $2'>0 

$400. Things wnz a boomin, ez they alluz do when currency is onlimit*<i 
nd onrestrictid. Mr. Peggoty took his $200, and went to Loots 
ille, and bought a stock uv goods, and commenvit 
tore-keepin. He bot a stock uv $6,000 wuth, the odd $5,800 bein on credit. 

V course. 

He prospered exceedinly. He cood sell ez many goods ez he wantM. 
or the people hed money to buy with, and his store wuz thronged frou\ 
loming till nite. Money jist lolled in onto him, and he retired to h^ti 
very nite feelin that he wuz rich, and he wondered that anybody shood 
e poor when money wuz so easily made. 

Uv course Mr. Peggoty enlarged his stile uv llvln suthin in akkordanct 
rith his enlarged meens. Why shood he not? He hed onlimitid credit is 
iOoisvllle, his goods wuz bein markt up every day, and he bilt him a noc 
ouse, uv course, and it need not be remarkt that it wuz furnished in tit 
lost gorgus stile. He hed a pair uv horses and a kerridge for Mrs. Teft 
oty to air herself In, and his oldest son went to Harvard, and his dav- 
5rs to a seminary In Cincinnati. He bilt a addishen to his new house tb?, 
econd season, and his stables wuz probably the most gorgus uv any in 
Kentucky. 

Mrs. Peggoty yoost to git somewhat oneasy, and wuz wont to ask ho»- 
is debts wuz in Looisville, but he alluz laft at her feers. 

"Mirandy," wuz his constant remark, "I owe twenty or thirty thousand 
oUars there — really I hevn't hed time lately to look it up — but what's the 
dds? Goods is goin up every day, I kin stand It." And 
J Mr. and Mrs. Peggoty went on spendin their 

toney ez a gentleman and lady shood, and runnin up their indebtedness 

1 Looisville In a proper, biznis-like way. It wuz at this period that I cood 
orry money uv Peggoty. Wood, oh wood that it cood hev continnered. 
ohn Sherman owes me a great deel uv money. He hea crooelly cut orf 
ly supplies. 

Ther cum a change. The war wuz over, and the government ceesed to 
ay out money for spavined horses and oats to feed em. The soljers hed 
etumed, and the plowshare wuz beet en Into a prunin hook. Then cajne 
he infernal idee uv payin off the debt wich hed bin Incurred, and th^ 
ifamus noshen uv resumpshen foltered clost upon its heels. The mei 
bants UT Lioolsville came down to Davisvilie, and Shylock-like, wanti'l 



296 Thk NatSv Letters. 

their money uv Peggoty. He coodent pay. "Where wuz the money 
hev reseeved for our goods?" they ds man did, and the anser wuz, the housi 
the furniture, the bosses, and bills for the gentlemanly-like livin Peggot 
hed indulged in. 

With the rapassity uv feends they demandiJ and took a mortgage oil 
to Peggoty's house, and sich uv the goods ez he hed left, and sejesti] 
mildly but firmly, that hereafter goods wood be sold for cash jist befoi 
delivery. The mizable plea on wich they took this mortgage wuz th£ 
the house hed bin bilt with their property, and the fumitoor likewise. Tt 
livin wuz eternally gone. 

Peggoty made a brave fight for existence, but in vane. Sherman, tl: 
flnanshel boa constrictor, hed him in his fatal embrace and wuz squeezl 
the life out uv him. In vane did Peggoty appeal to the stun-harted sel 
retary. "Keep on ishooin money," wailed Peggoty. "Inflate the currenc; 
and keep Inflatin till I kin grit shet uv these goods, and kin fail wit 
suthin In my wife's name. Don't broose the brokin reed. Yoo are wipl 
out the biznis talent uv the kentry. Hev another war, ef needs be, bi' 
anyhow, bild a custom house, and dig a ship canal here, and print greei 
bax to pay for em, that I may keep up my biznis, and save myself froi 
Impendin rooin. Ez fast ez the custom house is bilt, and the ship can.' 
is dug, bild more custom houses and ship canals, and keep the currenc 
up to my wants. Yoo are crushin me. So long ez the currency isn't ad' 
kate to my wants I can't borrer a cent, and ef I hev to buy goods for ca« 
I can't do it. Shove out the munny and save the debtor class." 

The cold-bloodid Sherman replied breefly. He remarked that anoth< 
war mite be good enufC for the debtor class, but it wood be very bad f( 
all other classes, and he declined to do it. Ez to bildin the custon 
houses and ship canals, he wood be glad to do it wherever custom houst 
and ship corals wuz necessary, but ez the people wood hev to pay ft 
em,^ finally, he must reely decline to ta.x the people any more than wi 
necessary. In short, he^ didn't bleeve in bildin things jist for the purpos 
uv puttin money into cirkelashen. And then come on a lot uv correspoi 
dence in wich the brootal Sherman remarkt that a government, tho it wx 
trooly paternal, coodent reely bolster up a man wich started in with $2C 
and who hed lived like a fitin cock for twenty yeers, and now owed $50,0C 
He sed that ef Mr. Peggoty hed gone and lived Jist ez he diil afore tl 
war, and hed saved the money he made by the rise uv goods, he wood 1 
In splendid condishn to stand the fall on them, but ez he hed preferred • 
put his profits into purple and fine linen he ought to be satisfied with tl' 
satlsfackshen the purple and fine linen hed given him. And the iroi 
souled sekretary further remarkt that ef all the debtor class wuz jist lil 
Mr. Peggoty, their failin wuz only a question uv time anyhow, and th; 
It wuz jist ez good a time for em to fail ez he ever knowd, and that tl 
biznis uv the kentry wood never be on a solid basis till they hed all goi 
to that flnanshel bourne from wich none uv em wood ever return, till th 
wuz another war, wich he hoped wood be a long time hence. He absloot 
declined to consider Mr. Peggoty's case, and went on payin the debt, ai 
resoomin, till the sheriff came and sold Peggoty out, and the Looisvil 
sharks, wich wantid their money, got away with at leest 20 per cent uv 

Can't any one see the injustis this feend Sherman did Peggoty? Car 
any one see that ef he hed gone on infiatin and expandin, Peggoty coc 
hev kep on his feet, Jist ez long ez the expandin process wuz continnere; 
and that his blznla talent wood hev bin preserved to the kentry? Kin ar 



The Kasby Lettsss. 291 

ne blame Peggroty for bein a Greerxbacker uv the most profound stripe, 
nd for his standin on the corners and adjoorin every friend uv the poor 
lan to vote the Greenback-Dimecra:ic tikkit? 

How many Peggotys hez this lizird Sherman to anser fur? Wat does 
e know uv finanse? 

PETROLEUM V. NASBY. Troo Finanseer. 

IK NASBY DEPLOEES THE CONFLICT OF NATURE AND 

DEMOCRACY. 

Confedrit X Roads, 
(WIch is in the State uv Kentucky), 
July 27, 1879. 

I am dlsgiistld and disheartened. Everything under heaven seems to 
rork agin the Democracy, and make a continyood success impossible. 
Ve succeeded in electin a Dimocratic Congris, the people hevin tired uv 
lepublikin rool, and it did seem to me that there wuz nuthin in the way 
V a continyooance thereof, for an indefinite period. I looked confidently 
orerd to the postoffice at the Corners, and reely expectid that I shood end 
ly days holdin that commishn and spendin the salary pleasantly and 
heerfully at Bascom's. 

In the fust place we wuz shoor that Sherman's resumpshen wood 
ause wide-spred disaster, wich the people wood charge to the akkount uv 
he Republikin party, ated wood bring the Nashnels over to us, yoonitin 
oth parties agin the common foe, and that after that everything wood be 
lain sailin. We cood sweep the kentry like a tornado, leevin nary greese- 
pot uv the radikels behind us. 

But somehow It didn't work. Sherman resoomed the fust uv Janoo- 
ry without the slitest trouble, and the kentry, Instid uv goin to ever- 
istln rooin, went on prosperin at a faster rate than ever. To our horror, 
ailyoors begun to grow lesser and lesser, and when I went to Looisville 
jid interviewed the merchants and manufacturers, and they all told me 
hat biznis wuz better than it hed bin for yeers, and that it wuz constant- 
y increesin, and increesln too in a hepJthy way, and that they wuz a pay- 
n, their hands promptly, and that the hands wuz a gittin on fust rate, and 
vuz comfortable, then my hart sunk within my buzzum, and I went 
!lome disheartened and dlscurridged. 

Bascom is more uv a Roman than I am. This wuz early In the season, 
Lnd when I wuz weepin over the prosperity uv the country, he remarkt: 
'Brace up, Parson, there is yit hope for the Dimocrisy. The crops may 
rit fail, and rooin may yit ensoo!" 

Them words give me hope, and I watched the crop reports with in- 
ense anxiety, and I daily sighed like Jeremiah, the great lamenter: 

Oh that the frost would strike the corn in the blade, and the cowcum- 
)ers on the vine! 

Oh! that the fruit wood perish in the bud, and the scab wood git 
imong the sheep! 

Oh! that the murrain and the horn-ail wood rage among the kine! 

Oh, that the glanders wood spred among the bosses, and cut them 
lown by the thousand, yea, by the ten thousand! 

Oh, that the cholera wood revel among the hogs, and destroy them all, 
'rota the mature sow to the tender and succulent suckling. 

Oh, that the rot wood destroy the potato, and the cut worm the tea^ 



293 Thi NabbT LmtftMM. 

I Then wood the people be dlstrest, and they wood change It up to the 
account of John Sherman, resumption and the Republikin party, and we 
shood elect Tilden and Reform in 1880, and I wood enjoy my postoffis. 

All of these wood it take, and more, to enshoor a triumph for the Dim- 
ocrisy. 

I waited for these in vane. Nacher favors the Republikin party. 
There wni3 no cut-worm, no frost, no hog cholera, no murrain, no nuthin, 
I hed some hope wunst, when I heerd the weevil and Hessian fly hed ap- 
pea